kabi soche tho lagta maloom hai maybe sab pagalpan lagta merku charlie i swear !!!!!
like there are moments like these be it for real or in the dreams and thenw hen you take the dreams to be real too smtimes the way it strangely makes you wonder if youve actually lost it for real.....
cause this time be it meeting him for real or being in touch or out of touch actually has been the longest ever for the first time.....
like seeing him after bup was still much early than it has been now....
like its like this is what reality is like him wanting to be away and off you to keep you off him...
then there are these moments you live be it the waking state or with eyes shut and like this is the otehr side of the story.....
and why would some sane someone would prefer the eyes shut reality to be more real than the actual one......
clear case of denial is what it feel slike.....
and right in the middle of logics like these there was this moment today.....
that sort of took your madness sure of you being mad to another level only.....
when the stylist msgs you the details of the size and outfit and you were texting her back or reading the details or smthing.... and this sound with just one ear plugged in with his music and the other ignoring the most of what your mom was talking cause today you just wnated to be on your own like in that zone of mind where you just wanted to be...... and yet be working cause off it you woud have totally lost it with those replays of his voice echoing....
it was drzzling with just rained sometime back....
it was a beautiful slow drizzle and in the jam just a turn away from hard rock and that one sound of the bike that tad tad tad enfield sound.....
and it makes you look on the side fataaak se cause thats what happens everytime you hear that sound of the bike hoping wishing its him and that same shirt that he wore in that pic of his in that bike of his that you saw years back on his insta......
that same pink checkered shirt and that same rush through you like your hearbeat the way that presence the same shirt the bike the way he was sitting and you first look at his hands and that confirmation it was his hand and that one sec or smthing and he turns to your side of the window not completely but almost trying to look at the rear view of his bike or smthing and you finally see him the daaaaaaaaaaadi the same strict straight face with his rayban on and then before you even like try to consume or absorb that realization of him being that close to like you pull the window down and you could hold his hand away that close and that very sec the traffic clears and fataaak se in a blink he disappears away from the jam..... ask the driver to speed up immediately like maintain a distance from the other car but to just move fast just so you could see him again......
put the window down try to find him look for him almost sticking your head out with it still being jammy around......
and you jsut couldnt see any trace of his bike nowhere not even a sign of it door......
and you shut yoru eyes and try to relive that visual that you just saw trying to make sense if you did see him for real or like always in the dreams it was your mind aagin.....
but the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay all of you sort of transformed after that moment it felt the same just like his presence used to......
like today you looked through the deepest corners of every street till your way back home like that one search of constantly looking around covering your face away like just in case if you get any closer to the bike he wouldnt know its you trying to look at him wala search.......
what today was it was smthing you lived felt after years !!!!!!!!!!!
and teh after of that visual as per usual was just the same !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only worse this time...
cause this time it was from a distance...
like there are moments like these be it for real or in the dreams and thenw hen you take the dreams to be real too smtimes the way it strangely makes you wonder if youve actually lost it for real.....
cause this time be it meeting him for real or being in touch or out of touch actually has been the longest ever for the first time.....
like seeing him after bup was still much early than it has been now....
like its like this is what reality is like him wanting to be away and off you to keep you off him...
then there are these moments you live be it the waking state or with eyes shut and like this is the otehr side of the story.....
and why would some sane someone would prefer the eyes shut reality to be more real than the actual one......
clear case of denial is what it feel slike.....
and right in the middle of logics like these there was this moment today.....
that sort of took your madness sure of you being mad to another level only.....
when the stylist msgs you the details of the size and outfit and you were texting her back or reading the details or smthing.... and this sound with just one ear plugged in with his music and the other ignoring the most of what your mom was talking cause today you just wnated to be on your own like in that zone of mind where you just wanted to be...... and yet be working cause off it you woud have totally lost it with those replays of his voice echoing....
it was drzzling with just rained sometime back....
it was a beautiful slow drizzle and in the jam just a turn away from hard rock and that one sound of the bike that tad tad tad enfield sound.....
and it makes you look on the side fataaak se cause thats what happens everytime you hear that sound of the bike hoping wishing its him and that same shirt that he wore in that pic of his in that bike of his that you saw years back on his insta......
that same pink checkered shirt and that same rush through you like your hearbeat the way that presence the same shirt the bike the way he was sitting and you first look at his hands and that confirmation it was his hand and that one sec or smthing and he turns to your side of the window not completely but almost trying to look at the rear view of his bike or smthing and you finally see him the daaaaaaaaaaadi the same strict straight face with his rayban on and then before you even like try to consume or absorb that realization of him being that close to like you pull the window down and you could hold his hand away that close and that very sec the traffic clears and fataaak se in a blink he disappears away from the jam..... ask the driver to speed up immediately like maintain a distance from the other car but to just move fast just so you could see him again......
put the window down try to find him look for him almost sticking your head out with it still being jammy around......
and you jsut couldnt see any trace of his bike nowhere not even a sign of it door......
and you shut yoru eyes and try to relive that visual that you just saw trying to make sense if you did see him for real or like always in the dreams it was your mind aagin.....
but the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay all of you sort of transformed after that moment it felt the same just like his presence used to......
like today you looked through the deepest corners of every street till your way back home like that one search of constantly looking around covering your face away like just in case if you get any closer to the bike he wouldnt know its you trying to look at him wala search.......
what today was it was smthing you lived felt after years !!!!!!!!!!!
and teh after of that visual as per usual was just the same !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
only worse this time...
cause this time it was from a distance...
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