Visuals!!!!

 Soooooo yahhhh from that night phone call to this other ayyyaaaaaaa handsome kurta pic hugging another friend away hauuuu sabkoo this one comes this one liner from him when post bup meet you ask him for a coffee place meet and he says but you won’t be able to touch me there…and you tell him will meet as friends and hug him and he tells you I don’t hug my friends specially female friends and this one literally comes with a voice over of that very same conversation with him…

To the other one him actually cutting the birthday cake this one was most special in weirdest of ways like being there and somebody asking him to lookup was your heart screaming right there thank youuuuuuu for asking him to and he looks up ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your heart right there the loooooove of your life smiiiiiling away that way his daaaaaadi his face his expression his doll eyes ayyyaaaaaaaaa your complete heart right there on him on his face him pooooooora ka poioooora breathing talking form of LOOOOOOOVE I swear!!!!!!!

Like just watching that story of his you couldn’t wipe that smile offff your heart and face I sawww himmmm like you literally jumped out of excitement and takes your headphone and head out for a walk downstairs…..

Like you just wanted to be on your own for a bit so you could smiiiileee away lil longer without having to explain something answer or reason something as sudden change of your expression cause your face literally comes with bold subtitles and your mom by now knows if at all you are that happy with something suddenly it had to be something to do with him…cause just the other day she comments on how she hasn’t seen you smile like the way you used to back then anymore…

What do you even say or reason out something like that!!!!

Just soooooo sooooo happy seeing living him away today powder blue shirt his over shirt style of wearing it avatar movie memory when he gives his t shirt as you were cold in theatre and had fever too I guess and then wears mango shirt on…

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa tooooo many memories it’s been tonight from where to where your mind is going I swear….

Chippyyyy if you only knewwww I swear!!!!!

Slightesttttt of idea if he did have how much some corner somebody is missing him away baaaaadlyyyyy!!!!!!

That one gorgeoussssssssssssss most human on the face of this planet I swear!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaa hayeeeeeeee kitteeeeee zorrrrrrrrse yaaaad aaaare aaj tho!!!!!!!!!

Today!!!!!

 Soooooo yaaahhh back to today that one waiiiiiit in you to keep checking something from him with your most loooved red halo over him something anything from his birthday just to live a moment of his from today…

And he posts bout this friend of his same image looking adoooooooorable and it always that one friend picture of his apwaaaays takes you back to that one phone call when the same friend was staying over at his place him in Hyderabad and he from chatting with you over Skype calls you or you call him from the landline as your phone battery dies or something it was….and he keeps saying am telling you it’s 3 am ek aur cute baat boli tho I’ll be there at your place and you keep telling the same thing and he says he is with that friend and can’t talk much before him and the friend says something like ya you guys go on as it is it’s been too many years for you both or something like the friend knew the context of it kinda thing…..and he tells you something and you go all quiet that very second and he chuckles away adooooooorably saying soorat dekh apni its all red and that very second it makes you look around for him like he actually could see you and said that……and then chuckles away more adoooorably saying I’m telling I know all your switches…cause you had been going on and on bout something and suddenly he says something and it’ makes you go all silent in an instance that very moment…

Like you have this kind of conversation with him post bup on a call after very very long…..where his friend keeps saying something to you from the back but all you could hear was his sound of voice the way he checks with you Suni and not a word of anybody else cause it was after that long time that you were actually speaking to him on a call at that hour who bhi…which used to be your usual call time back then…

Visuals I swear they do this to you hold you and in an instance you are back in time at that very moment…that same sound of his voice saying I can’t leave the friend like this at this hour and come there will have to bring him along which I don’t want to…and you keep pleading him and instead says just stay on the call for longer it’s making me feel like you are here…exact same thing he used to tell you back then when almost falling asleep to hear your voice asking you to speak anything random as it was making him feel like you are beside him…

That one feeeeeeel nai charlie when you almost think something you won’t hear from him again and he says that exact same thing that was on your mind speaking to him at that hour like before and he says the same ditto words ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……

Birthday miyaaaaaaaaaaaa how howwwwwweeeeeeeee only you are being missed awaaaaay abhiii k abhiiii!!!!!!

In the air…

 That day staying there it just feels still the same the air there still feels different like you are back in time same galli same buildings almost around except for a few minor changes nothing big like the place still looks and feels the same…

It’s strangely still that fresh like it was just yesterday he was there with you like then that day it didn’t feel like it’s been that many years since 2009…it all still was that very fresh him from then his love from then him everything from then still that fresh in you…

Like visually too closing your eyes he was there right there with you in that very moment same sky same air from back then same time back again…

Finally decide to leave there was on second of wanting to go around Ramanthapur too that street and then head studio but by then you were literally making sounds and crying and didn’t want to make it all worse as you were with the driver…..

That one place charlie everytime making you wonder how lucky luckiest you got there how happiest you were there in your life where back then it felt you did lack many things in life like material wise money wise wanting to buy him shirts gifts and couldn’t today it’s the opposite and yet the most important part of your life the core of your life itself is missing… HIM!!!!!!

To think of it now life did was complete ultimate state of happiness and bliss!!!!!!

Even writing now that same feeeel again you didn’t want to for this very reason……you never really know nai charlie what you have now in life back then will it later or not…

There were times when you did tell him too like share this very same thing with him back then when on days of too much love from him and you would raise both your arms in the car on your way back home and just scream away I’m just tooo happy tooo tooo happy!!!!

And he would ask ekdum se kyu and you would just hold him away like tightly just hold him away and he would get it chuckling away that adorably and that same tone of his voice calling you howli!!!!

And that very same there also used to be that sharing how sometimes being that happy also used to make you fear that thing and he would always tell you even if you are ok leaving I would never let you… tu chodi tho bhi mein nai chodtu terko kabhi be prepared am telling you now itself!!!!

There are things bout you and your life your heart knows long before you understand or make sense of, and finding a home in somebody is one such thing…

You may wander trying to make sense of things of the practical’s and the illogical ones too, but your heart truly knows once you find your home you just be… ignoring all the logics away you can’t move your home away or off from there it’s there it’s where it still finds its own calm in the weirdest of ways possible but also knows can’t find any other otherwise…

Being there even be it crying that day it still felt like home surrounded all by him and it still made you very happy surrounded by all him… there are not many moments you feel that way anymore ever since after Him…

Like it either is with his music in his places his himcomings in the mornings or right now writing him and living him again in your mind as you write now that makes you happy like soulfully happy…

Don’t feel this otherwise with nothing at all anymore !!!!!

Waking up!!

 The other day waking up on your way to work that one dream of his you couldn’t get your mind off…

It was an early day to work with some client appointment and yet that one strong missing him rushing through you and right bout the store turn you ask driver to take to Nacharam instead…

Right from the moment you cross the begunpey flyover the tibbs frankie place lifestyle building to the Pizza Hut place no more to the orchids florist close to the gym turning to the gym circle to the entire lane there onwards….

There’s still soooooooooo much every corner every turning everywhere there’s him to your Habsiguda lane ayyaaaaaaaaaa you’ve lived the most loooooooooooved time of your life there…

Like literally lived your LIFE there the ultimate and complete self of you there the complete essence of happiness and just everything love there that one place you’ve LIVED him there!!!!!

Even writing it now this very feeling rushing now is also the main reason why you avoided writing it out that very same day…

Today having lived the beauuuuuuuty of him with ayyyaaa daaaaaaaadi the looooove of your life on his face right there….

Just have to write it out just this beautiful need to today…!

That one galli of your building ask the driver to take it to the end of the lane and just park for a bit and the drivers gets out after parking stay there for almost 40 something mins just crying your heart out…

You didn’t plan or intended to it’s just that whole feeeeel of just you being there in the car looking at that lane at your apartment there was like going back in 2009 and reliving all him right from the day one….. this one day he drops you outside your apartment I think it was the stadium day and jokes bout how he is going to follow you till the lift to see which floor you stay on…and you ask him instead to come along with you and he just pauses for a bit looks you in the eye and just asks in ishaara if you were serious bout it and you still wait there and the waaaaay he that excitedly gets out and comes along with you…

Not a word single word in the lift just stands there smiling away and you looking outside the lift that one feeeeel inside and get out on your floor and right at the stairs show him the penthouse there and he stands happily nods that nod of his and you nod back asking him if you could leave and he just waits there waving at you…

This was when you felt that shift in you that one shift of wanting to see him more look for him in the gym in his absence just wanting to live him from a distance even as he would workout on the other corner and you on the treadmill just that one wonder that one need where he is to live him…

From that day to evenings you would walk around holding his hand in those lanes around or sometimes just having chips and snacks in his car in the evenings when he suddenly feels hungry and wanted to have chips with you in your galli and would come from his ghar se to your lane…

To one day parking his car beside your apartment talking talking end up reaching the main road of the street and only after reaching do you realise you were there and didn’t realise talking to him…

Then he takes you to his gaming side and the bakery beside damn you did forget the name of that bakery and gets some chocolate ignoring a few friends of his trying to come say hi to you as he wasn’t really fond of them…

On your way back ayyaaaaaaaaa that one smile the waaaaay he used to glow differently beauuuutifullu under those warm tone street lights and how you looooooooved watching him under those lights like him talking and you absolutely completely lost in him under those lights…

It’s that thing charlie when you suddenly realise how you could loooove someone’s nose too looove someone’s eyebrows the way their eyes move stare at something or that one expression just before the smile hits that one second of transition expression it’s realising how you could looooooove just living somebody’s details away and it actually making you happy like you’d never felt before…

Not knowing still not knowing it’s love this is what love feels like you were just looooooving those details away like his face used to make you very happy actually correction still does happpppyyyyyyyy and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Like him talking talking suddenly would come just close that his arm touches yours just slightly and it actually was also the first time that touch didn’t shake you like it felt like it was a touch your skin was already familiar with…that it doesn’t make you move or give that sudden shake!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind nowwwwwww!!!!!!!

Feeeeel!!!!!

 When you miss him ekdummmm deep down like ekdummm andaaar se core wali missing not the regular one and then to live him after soooooo long today on his birthday who bhi…

MEANS EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

This state of mind today this fullllyyy wholefullyyy him highddd and howwweeee!!!!

It’s in moments like these all the more do you time n again realise what who truly matters in life and till what extent…

What truly makes you this happy THIS happy!!!!!

It’s that sudden inside out transformation after living him away today…

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Poooora ka poooora!!!!

 THAT one face THAT one presence THAT one HIM pooora ka pooooora heart of your life…

Said it before can say over and over zillionnnnn times again that one faceeeeee that one Him the pooooora looove of your life…

Miyaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away aaj tho!!!!!!

Memory lane!!

 Memory lane this need to be around the same corners around this time of the year every year…

It just does something to you in its own inexplicable of ways!!!!