One of those!!

 Post movie in his car takes his ipod and that one smiiiiiiiile of his and you knew something up and he plays this very track iktara...

There were many other beautiful tracks from the same but this one felt had felt different special already...

Like something in you had just shifted that strongly like from watching the movie to watching him living him in the theatre itself from that up-close and him knowing you were watching him instead of the movie that one smile on him he doesn't look at you or say something just that side eye and that one smile on him...cause he had insisted pls let this be this one moment you give me before getting married or going forward...

That one movie with him, eventually did change not just your life but you away...

It gave you Him...

The way he just knew that shift in you the waaaaaay he played this song 2-3 times and then you played it on loop till almost sanghi....

And that one smile that one expression even as you talk random things away the way he nods smileeees away all through that drive and then suddenly stops and goes out gets you gulmohar and just gives in your hand and says now this day feels complete...

The waaaaay it makes you that happpppppoy him selectively picking those for you and then takes a picture on his phone with you shying away with just your hand in the picture your first ever picture by him...

Gulmohar, the way it has become your most loooooooved flower of Life... No matter where you see it around roads and streets around houses and places the way any sight of gulmohar makes you smile makes your heart smile is beyond anything...

It's that very feeeeweeeeeeeel of him right there sitting beside you with that smiiiiile on him the waaaaay every single time it's like you see him every single sight of gulmohar is like Him, Him right there!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwweeeeeee only you are being missed away iffffffffffffdfff only he knew!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

One of those nights!!!!!!!

Yesterday!!

 Just yesterday on your way back from work raining and the other corner of the road somebody's car wheel cap comes off rolling before your car...

There he was again!!!!!!

On your way to some movie with him and mango and he suddenly stops to the side right before the Begumpet flyover pulls over and he gets out as he had noticed the wheel cap of his car come off and you turn around watching him runback slow towards the car with the wheel cap and it's these moennts charlie like random moennts very random nothing romantic and yet it makes your heart feel that extra special like it makes your heart go ayyyaaaaaaaa this one human the way this one human feels in your heart sings to your heart is like no other......

It just feels that different inaide your soul not just your heart like all of your insides feel differently sing differently dance differently to the sound of this one human...

A presence like no other in the world is what it does to you speaks to you in a way only you understand...!

That very moment wheel cap rolling right before your car and there was that moemnt of his rolling straight into your heart I say!!

It's that instant smile inside outside like that one feeeel there he comes, there He comes... Yet again!!!!!

To this morning from that dream of his to seeing no him on WhatsApp heart breaking somehow these mornings that very realisation and that moment at the cafe again buying bread and you literally picture him standing beside you smiling at you at the counter and you just freeze there smiling away like absolute madness of day dreaming away I swear!!!!!

Like that level of strong missing today!!!!!

To few hours back you see your most beloved red halo over him and the second you come back home take your mom's phone see and there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even his back made you that happpppppoy away!!!!!!

Like you just run to your room play his music and lights out and just be there missing him more away basking a lil more in that rushhhhhh of him!!!!!!!

Him changing tires his sister's picture of him all blue all rained out streets and him just changing tires very sexy!!!!!

I'm telling you charlie like it's always been this way and he somehow knew it too bout you like looooving going crazy over random things bout him like random most things bout him used to make you that happy that instant smiiile tinggg on you in an instant!!

And the waaay he would laugh at you for that calling you howli hai re tu poori!!!!

Today just seeing him living his back away to just see some of him any of him and you just couldn't stop smiling awayyyyy cause trust me that darshan of his back too did come after a very VEEY long time!!!!!!

It's that need to live him feeeeeel him miss him more like lettinf yourself live that him that way missing heartest away with his music...

Some moments nai charlie like are a self induced chaotic Sukoon somehow like they give you that level of Sukoon at the same time you know it will only make the missing more worse and yet AND YET you can't help but just feel away miss away and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!

That one human that one face that one back that one HIM!!!!!!!!!

Yuhi!!!!

 There are these moennts lately happened earlier too in places random most and you picture him with youlike at some store browsing through groceries picture him with you beside you with you buying paint the other day picyurehim with you there buying bread this afternoon strangely there too picture him there with you in a chocolate brown shirt strangely along with the dress code too beige pants and brown shirt with his style of unbuttoned to a way down kinda style of his with sleeves folded just right till his elbow not an inch below not an inch above in crisp folds......

It's these random moennts places foods that strangely he comes along with you it's been happening a lot like those moments are your absolute peace cause it's been quite chaotic lately...

It's this feeeeeeeeeel charlie this realisation of a version of you you werebt cut out for......@like this is not what I pictured myself to be.......

There was this absolute delicate almost feminine version of you with him like he did bring out your most feminine version ever and lately with all the responsibilities and work stress it's the almost masculine side of you that has come out lately...that's strong or maybe pretending to be strong strict cause with that many men around work you just have to have a strict demeanour like you just can't be soft anymore...smile or be coy with your presence and being that strict constantly there's that side of that only comes alive in moennts like these!!!!!!

In your head basically with moments of him!!!!!

Like this need to dress like his karely with silver and bangles deep kajal hair half open as he used to love on you and then after studio back to workshop you take the bangles off you tie your hair in a pony and then at workshop with that work face on....

This beauuuuuuty of writing him like this as you are writing now this moment from the gym those first few initial days of feeling something more than just friend vibe for him and doing some arm weight and you stand to the side of that machine pulling that string of weight and him working on his arm set thing and sees you smiliiiiing away that beauuutifully there was just you and him and some guy in some other corner on the treadmill cause weight section was the opposite corner of the treadmill section......and he watches your pony swing in the air as you bend to the side and he comes to feels you pony in his hand and pulls out the hair tie off your hair and then jokingly tries to run away and then stands at the door and watches you just standing there no smile no laugh nothing.....as you try to walk towards him for the hair tie cause you weren't used to leaving your hair that way being long hair back then.....and the way he that beauuuuuutifully takes a step back as you get closer to him and once close to him the way he says wow I love your hair didn't know it's this long......

Like that was your first ever compliment of your life I say......and that too from a guy like the first guy first compliment of your life...and the waaaaay he chuckles away saying look at your face its red and you remember taking the hair tie and running to the changing room cause it all felt very magical very special like the first time you'd felt that way......and seeing your face turn that red was also another first for you!!

From where to whereeeeeee only it went!!!!!!

How I misssssssss that fellow I swear that THAT one face in the world for you!!!!!!!!

THAT ONE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Visuals VISUALS they play such a strong and huge part of your life…

Be it a visual from yearssssss back you see something and suddenly you are pulled away from the present moment and dropped at the same exact location you were at when you lived that moment for the first time ever…

Days back on youur way to the studio texting the manager something and at some jam look up and see this random guy walking out from the store wearing a tee that said your another one of those most looooved words of his psyyyychedelic!!!!

It wasn't same as his one but that very second that one strong feeeeeeewl that strongfffff rush of him through you close your eyes and there he was at his dd space opening the door for you and that face of his it doesn't hit you in that very moment......but that kid adoooooooorable kid face of his that he used to make like there was something he wanted you to notice see the waaaaaay he just holds the door and stands there with that one bighgh adooooorable smile on him and you just stand there adoooring him away just by the way he looks that beauuuuuutiful in that moment....and then tell him andar aaane deta ki idhar kadhe Rehna and he lets you in...

It was only much after do you realise he was wearing his gym tee from back then with you...and wanted you to notice and you don't that very day like all through that meet that wait in him that one adooooorable wait in him for you to notice it...

That day that very moment his ott music playing in your ears that moment of a random guy and the waaaaaay it literally sways you off and away to him with that strong rush.....

It was also the same day when later through the day he posts some story bout his collectibles of his dragon Ball fav !!!!!

It just does something nai charlie when you miss them that strongly from your deepest core and live some any random moemnt it just does something to you!!

Peace!!

 There are very fewest of things that brings you that calm that lil spark of joy n happiness and when that too goes out this weird feeeling all day today……

Like amidst all the stress and hectic routine that which you weren’t prepared for or intended to there are really very few things that makes you still feel that same calm n joy in your heart…waking up to living him first thing in the mornings still in that sleep haze that need that want to seee him the first thing in the morning…

Something’s nai!!!!!!!

Sundays!!

 This very day since how long donno feels felt always extra special missing him a lil extra loving him a lil extra it all feels a lil extra special…….and waking up from that level of him to not seeing him on WhatsApp yet again makes it all very ………

Not sure bout exact word feel to name…

This very feeling somethings nai can never ever get used to and take it to be just another thing!!

Flashback!!

 One flashback morning it's been right from the very start of the day today...

On some days you can just feeeeeeeeeel it in the air only this one feeeeeel of Him!!!!!!

Like you miss him on days everyday then there are days like this one since the waking up you are literally breathing him in... It just feels different lilst of moennts from corners of your mind rushing through you!!

Kinda start...!