The start...!

 The start of this the start of charlie years back was all becaude you couldn't hold the missing him all in you and just had to get it out somewhere cause you couldn't tell him how much you love him miss him want to be with him and this somehow this very habit of writing it all out did become your safe space your lil hideout to write away everything HIM!!!!!

Missing him too much can't tell him write out feeling the loooove for him too much write out dream bout him write out relive a memory of his walking down some random street of him write out anything him slightest of him to rushest of him write out cause you couldn't tell him!!!!!

Lil did you know this one small habit day after day month after month now years will eventually become your solid space to write all out to get this missing out and also end up missing him all the more after writing out and still to just do...this beautiful need to read your mind out high on him missing him living him away with sounds places and visuals and only make it that much more beauuuuuutifully worse post wrijng it out...

Even now as one eye is almost shutting with deep sleep this very need to write this present state of mind and heart right now!!

It's been a very long and tiring day setting up the store from literally and manually working on the racks wit raw rustic wood with your own hands to finally liking what you just created it's been an almost good day as you stood there watching the vision come to life bit by bit...

To coming home very late gin litchi juice with tonssss of ice has become your ultimate fav most combo to chill with rhye playing working on some accents for corners wit sktehxes and notice this one movie title on Netflix new addition voicemail something.....u strictly very hardly strictly stay miles away from mush movies feely movies and tonight just this need to......and the waaaaaay it feels like a bit of your journey with charlie.......where sometimes some nights high on gin it for that very slightest moemnt has indeed felt like you were chatting away with him bout your day or something very random too...is also when you did knowingly decide to quit writing...

Cause it somehow was blurring away recently memories of him and you didn't want that you still want to feel this like right now mind is max sleepy and yet shutting your eyes in this very instant and there he is under your apartment close to his car standing there in his striped wire and blue shirt waving at you a flying kiss just before he gets in the car pouting his lips away as he blows the flying kiss with that one smileeeeeeee!!!!!

That one smile the absolute heart and soul of your life for life...

With his ringo account recently public again his red tee video as he says howleeee your heart every single time as you hear him say it hear him the sound of his voice that visual of him smiliiiiiiiiing that one magical smile of his......

He is a walking form of pure loooooooooove in chaddis I swear the love the heart the sound the life of your life I swear...

Like everytime you see a video of his there goes my heart in chaddis right from the very first time the loooove of your life in chaddis!!!!!!!

It's these lil things that makes your heart smile deeeep I say with Versova pinned away on his profile this very moment from the movie sexy chipmunk like this whole vibe of tonight even wrijfn away with one eye open right now.........

Some movies nai beyond logics though most some few bits were complete non logical but the main story line did bring the charlie along with this need to write this moment of magic today...

Just had to...

It's been one of those days toooootally him highd on him and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Running!!

 Some tracks right in the middle of working on rack designs and sketches at home with a glass of white wine in teh day for the first time cause it's that kinda lazy chilled out day after very long at home...

And yet working and this new artist find as you are in the middle of researching and sketching for custom designed racks first few sips first sound beat of the track makes you literally makes you close your eyes in that very moment...

There's him right there emerging from the clouds of smoke around his face amidst the smoke from Versova meet that first second of him giving you that mouth to mouth inhale of his spy beedi and as you move a lil away to look at him that state of mind flying high YOUR ultimate most loved thing human place face on this planet right there amidst the smoke that state that moment PURE LOVE AND ULTIMATE MAX PEAK OF BLISS I say!!!!!

Today this very moment righr there the first sound of this track by this artist and to feeeeeeeeeel him like this right now in this very moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS HEART of yours right now!!!!!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only how oblyyyyyy you are being missed abhiiiii k abhiiiii if he only knew I swear!!!!!!!!

This moment this mind this heart this you right nowwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!

Youdays!!

 Some moments of happiness the red halo over him on a Youday hits different on many different levels I say!!!!!

Too many reasons for this widest smile possible all reasons leading to HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waking ups like these when you somehow managed to live him even after the waking up too!!!!!!!!

Kittuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

PURE POOOOOOOORA HEART & LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!

Goooood morning!!

 Something's can never explain reason out why they make you feel the way you do!!

Joining this same floor gym as much as close by access it was you weren't really feeling it the crowd the space...this one guy actyally comes over to the store after knowing post gym that's where you were at introducing and stuff and somehow the place wasn't the vibe....

Like you just couldn't and once you got back to the routine as it's been long post the arm surgery getting back to the routine felt super good......also this one thing on your mind knowing soon you'll be in his city few months and you just wanted to be on the routine just incase by any chance somehow you come across him HIGH HOPES bit again one of those things just can't help but wish hope...

Couldn't sleep turning switching sides and you finally be up at around 5:30 something and get off to come on the mat and the best decision I swear the music your space the vibe moving stretching dancing strength training after LONGEST gap ever...to those movements that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like it just made you super happy feeling yourself feeling him away like all that routine getting back...

That one feeeeeeeeeel to just close your eyes as you move and stretch with Enrique playing to feeeeel him away!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It just felt SO goooood!!!!!!!

Been a very good morning start to the day already...!

Soft!!!!

 It still all is this very clear also cause it was the first and only time you got to live that many versions some new some old ones back again that one day...

Where soon as he goes back to his side of the couch and then looks you in the eye and mentions bout him having to leave for a meeting by 4 like that was your deadline with him for that meet kinda announcement it felt like...

That one isntant fataaaaaak pull and you literally go up to him and sit down like there was this coffee table behind you with his laptop and him on the low couch seating thing and you sit down on the floor space close to him on his feet almost ...

And you gently slowly raise your arms and in Ishara asking him permission if you could touch him and the way he shuts his eyes leans a lil forward towards you and you touch his hair and he opens his eyes surprised smiling chuckling away as you set his hairstyle the way he leans a more almost locking you away with his legs in between his legs closer to him...you do that Johnny Bravo hairdo and he lets you the second you are done you try to take a look how gorgeoysssssssss he looked in that knit thing cause you'd never seen him wear anything like that ever before even that color nkevr on him and the waaaaaaaaaay he looked that beauuuuuutiful in that!!!!!

He messes up that hairdo and leans a lil more for you to do it again and you do the same and he again waist for you to check it out and then messes it up again like it goes on for 2-3 times as much as you remember to that final time his face all of him that closest to you and this time he just looks you in the eye as you raise your arms and instead of his hair this time the way he slowly lifts his arms just a lil bit and that rusggggggg in you to just hold him and the second you do the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he holds you back tighter closer to him that second always used to be your melt away point wooooooosh bolke.........

Like he tightly holds you back and this one second you wanted to look at him again and move back a lil and he immeeeediately comes closer nose chummies your face away just like he used to back then after ages that very same feeeeeeeeeeeeelingof his kiss that way even as you write now there are some scents in your life charlie no longer how long it's been since lived that smelled that you can still smell it even after years.......shutting your eyes away one sniff and that scent of him on your nose same beautiful scent of him on your nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!

 That one meet!!!!!!

In a different city seeing him meeting him being with him like you were used to being with him all alone in his previous house to dd house too but this since the very start felt that different that beautifuk that intense somehow...

That soon as you enter is Versova house you look yaha waha and the way u keep asking him random things bout stuff around his apartment on the fridge some Bhagwan there some Beatle thing on the table without looking at him and the waaaaay he could just sense every nerve if you even from a distance like he knew you inside out even from a distance like know understand what exactly you are feeling in that very moment just know ...

And he chuckles away plays some music to ease you on his laptop and asks you to sit first on the couch next to his...

And finally you do and look at him him with that one smiiiiiiiile on him knowing what and how you were feeling on the inside...starts to look for something on his laptop saying let's watch something talks bout his current work project and stuff with when it's going to be telecasted and stuff his then project something by humtum to be on TV soon stuff......and then suddenly moves the laptop away after selecting some song and playing it and then straight away comes to you lays his head over your lap and that sudden feeeeeeel of losing your breath like for that moemntwhen your breath pauses for the most beautiful moemnt out of that sudden lot of happiness like to see him that way with you on your lap after years like he used to back then in Opera....

And you just run your fingers through his hair and the way he pushes his head against your tummy finding that one comfort spot and then holds your by your waist and snugs up a lil more and allthroufb those few mins your heart your soul your mind everything yn you goes numb like all you could sense feel see touch think or move or anything at all was just him...that visual of him in that very moment still this clear like that one creamish oatmeal color almost knit type of softest thing he was wearing with those khaki long chaddi his head on your lap movingagainst your tummy him holding you closest.......

Some visuals nai!!!!!!!!!

Today!!!!

 Right from that start to having to head out for some more interior work and then evening dinner out with mom and a friend and this need to wear this black kurti that you had designed for yourself that was similar to his pathani set that you had done for him but still with you.....

It's that feeeeel of him in your head charlie that again felt like back in time...

His black kurti with silver jewellery the way he liked it on you with lot of Kajal like you used to back then and the second you step out your mom first thing you dressed up today like this after years like u used to back then...

It's that whole himcoming from this morning those glimpses and sounds of him that one big moooood you already were in...

Just outside the restaurant in the car as your driver flashes the light on the car in the front the guy kissing the nose of the girl and bas khalaaas it was like sealed the whole missing him you were already struggling to deal with...

You literally struggled to keep a straight face on cause suddenly all those nose smooches were rushing through you like you could all you could smell sniff feel think imagine miss was him his face in that zoomed up version rushing through you including the scent and feeeel of his daaaadi on your lips it was that much suddenly rushing in you.....

Now coming back home a lil high on the wine on the couch play this one sonh on loop and galti se fall asleep and there you were agaubib that very moment from Versova his face that close to yours his hair in your hand and that one point where you literally sniff your hand to feel that scent of his hair and actually wake up still sniffing your hand away...

This feeeeweeeeeeeel of today to just feel that feel slightest of feel that he does remember you whatever it was even for a second to this morning himcoming in your ultimate favblack to those moments through the day it's been one day........

One full Him highddddddddddaway kinda Youday it's been today...!

Saving it away after very very long time!!