Sometimes in sleep as you switch sides and for that fraction of second you wake up with this sudden brush of memory and this fataaak smile on your face cause he just rushed through you and howwwweeeee!!!!!
Himmmmmmm the light the calm and the most beauuuuutiful storm of your life I say!!!!!
This very moment right there how much how bad much he was truly missed charlie!!!!!!!
This very moment here and this neeeeed to scream it out of you somehow with all this missing!!!!!!
Another late night at work and wake up with this realisation of Sai baba Pooja at home as it’s guru Purnima today!!!!!
Dates on the calendar 31st July guru Purnima with him at his Dd space!!!!!!
As twisted as it sounds another one of those most memorable dates of your life I say!!!!!
Lil did you know that day if only you had the slightest of idea that day meeting him and then leaving heading back home that it’s going to be years after……..
Some dates on the calendar…!
This weird mix feel today!!!!!!!
If there is any magic exists for real any list spark of it too it lies in moennts like these!!!!!
Absolute moment of magic morning morning!!!!!
Waking up to him that early as too much work to take care for the day and that peace of your mornings living him and then having coffee with some Instagram personal!!
And this maroof artist that you love the mini documentary posts and this one had a beautiful post about weaving and stuff but the song the songgggggg was an instant him pull to you...
That instant pullllllll Piya tose Naina lag re absolutely him poooooraaaaaa ka poora and that one feeeeeeel.....playing it on loop and then live him on Instagram and there was your most loooved halo over him mom's fone sneak and it was bout his blue canvas bts and the music of it another track from the same ditto movie guide...
What are the chances!!!!!!
What are the co incidences!!!!!
That one feeeeeeeeeel that beauuuuuutifully in-sync...
Some visuals some sounds some moennts that thing bout apart yet moments together lived...
The way it also brings back that feeeeel of his movie, the day he wrapped up the shoot of blue canvas he messages you that very morning after unblocking you...like he had wrapped up very early in the morning and later through the day he texts you something's nai...
Like the mind on a flashback zone now!!!!!!!
Morning morning this himzoned away like on an absolute HimFlight mode literalllllly...!
Mornings like these waking ups like these and you time and again re realise how it's the most loooooooved moment of your day...to wake up to him first thing first visual first face of your mornings!!
That peaceful happy rush kinda start to the day......
It's that immense looooove to live every detail of him to start the day with... Like this part of your day is yours alone like the most you you feel at, the rest of it just goes on as per everybody else's !!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
There is one place everywhere charloe where you’ve pictured him with you or just waiting for him there walking to you like it has happened a zillion times over the years and concu is one such place where you’ve pictured him with you just right beside you but this dream today felt different to any of the ones till date…
This felt like just bumping into him randomly and then holding that umbrella for him as it was raining heavy and then that fear of upsetting him and you try to walk away from him and the waaaaaay he leans over that close to you and asks you to wait instead…….
That one vision of him in that black shirt that real like it’s been happening very often late seeing him in places imagining away day dreaming away but aaj ka felt very different….
To this meeting with a friends sister client kinda coffee meet and they were playing Shaan there and ayyyaaaaaa that one immediate mindlane switch I say ziooooop bolke to everything him and smiling away amidst discussion and you on your way out just to live him and ther was this same hibiscus color that was in his Ramanthapur house back then…..
That very unique mauvy pink flower almost with deep pink stripes and you see that and stand by it and he mentions bout his mom planting those and his dad asks you to pluck a flower if you wanted to and you instead tell uncle you just like watching flowers not plucking them and him right beside you hits his head against yours before his dad and says papa howli hai ine……
And the second his dad goes back inside he looks you in the eye and starts running towards the stairs to his room knowing your urgency to hit his head back again…..that adoooorably chuckling away saying kitttaaa control Kari nai tu to hit back before dad…..
To just run after him to his room and watch him look at you chuckle away it’s that feeeeeeeling charlie you just can’t love someone and that’s it you find a zillion moments over and over that make you realise my goddddd I love this face this smile this presence this sound of voice I looooooooooove himmmmm!!!!!!
Like you know it hitting you like it hit the first time falling in love for the first time happening over and over again with that same very face!!!!!
That day standing there watching that particular color of hibiscus and living that moment with him there was that kind of realisation mannnnnnn it’s beee years and yet I loooooove that one face!!!!!
To this morning standing there at concu watching him walk towards you reliving the gym moemnt in the dream like from that walk to this walk and then to live him after waking up!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the LOOOOOOOOOVE & HEART of your life I swear!!!!!!!
Absoluuuuute looooooove!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa some moments even reliving now as you write!!!!!
Another one of your most looooved things bout him the way after hitting your head with his in his car that wait in him for you to come closer and strike back !!!!!!!
His eyes that smiiiiiiile of his that expression on him his arms and chest wider open like letting you come closer !!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
That one night of compete him with this first time at concu you were just bout to step out and walk towards your car and it starts to rain heavy suddenly and mohammad comes with running with the umbrella and that very second you see him walking towards you looking down on the floor...
That one feeeeweeeeeeeel waiting for him to look up just to recheck I'd it really was him and not your imagination again and as he slowly starts to look up it really was him......take the umbrella for him and walk towards him and the waaaaaay he holds your arm with umbrella just walking with you towards concu and you stop there and just bout to step out again back to your car and the waaaaay he slowly leans closer to your ear and says rukna...and you wake up cause his voice him breathing that close to your ear was all that real......like he actually was there cause it was that real him in that black shirt his style walking smiling looking down like he knew you'll be there and will come for him...
Thatstrong feeeeeeeeeel today as you still were in that sleep confusion like you actually saw him like he actually spoke to you that close to your ear and that need to live him and get on WhatsApp forgetting he wasn't there and then to notice he was back ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa that heart of yours in that very moment like actually turn holding the phone touching him away in the picture smiling whispering talking something to his picyure on the dp cause that's how bad you missed him in that moemnt!!!!!
It was suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beautiful start to the day today charlie I swear nothing else makes me that happy the way just living him away does hearing him does his voce his pree nce ayyyaaaaaaaaaa meraaaaa pooooora complete heart I swear!!!!!!
Like this constant smile glued on your face with some work to finish today in the evening and it's been raininng this mind today this beauuuuuutifullu high on him gin aaaaj tho light laga charkie that highhhh on him......
Like you just can't stop smiling the waaaaay it felt like you actually met him cause it was you from today in shirt and jeans and him from today looking that gorgeous in that sexy black shirt and your heart goes ayyyaaaaaaa meraaaaaa miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it is!!!!!!!
Through oout the day his voice rushing through you rukna even alone now with this blonde series playing elite something and you are working on some design changes and suddenly that need to shut it all play his music and just be and suddenly you start smiling again relcijng that moemnt from concu!!!!!!
This weirdly madly confusingly happy you it's been since the start of the day all thanks to singaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are beingissed today if he oly ineeww!!!!!!!!!
Saving this high away!!!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaa to just still almost wake up still in bed and that usual habit to see him on WhatsApp and you get on still sleepy and there he is !!!!!!! Him in all his gloryyyyy and beauuuuuutiiiii!!!!!!
Backkkkkk!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaa the heart the poooooraaaaaa ka POOOOOOOORA heart of your eyes and life!!!!!!!
There is nothing said it before can say it over godzillion times I've n over there is nothing in the world that makes you happy happpppppoy like this the way anything Him does...
To just live him first thing only thing soon as your eyes even see or make sens of the world to just live him live that feeeeeeeeeel of him ayyyaaaaaaaaa the absolute hearttttt of your life HIM!!!!!!!
Deeeeewanq huaaaaa paaagallll!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post movie in his car takes his ipod and that one smiiiiiiiile of his and you knew something up and he plays this very track iktara...
There were many other beautiful tracks from the same but this one felt had felt different special already...
Like something in you had just shifted that strongly like from watching the movie to watching him living him in the theatre itself from that up-close and him knowing you were watching him instead of the movie that one smile on him he doesn't look at you or say something just that side eye and that one smile on him...cause he had insisted pls let this be this one moment you give me before getting married or going forward...
That one movie with him, eventually did change not just your life but you away...
It gave you Him...
The way he just knew that shift in you the waaaaaay he played this song 2-3 times and then you played it on loop till almost sanghi....
And that one smile that one expression even as you talk random things away the way he nods smileeees away all through that drive and then suddenly stops and goes out gets you gulmohar and just gives in your hand and says now this day feels complete...
The waaaaay it makes you that happpppppoy him selectively picking those for you and then takes a picture on his phone with you shying away with just your hand in the picture your first ever picture by him...
Gulmohar, the way it has become your most loooooooved flower of Life... No matter where you see it around roads and streets around houses and places the way any sight of gulmohar makes you smile makes your heart smile is beyond anything...
It's that very feeeeweeeeeeeel of him right there sitting beside you with that smiiiiile on him the waaaaay every single time it's like you see him every single sight of gulmohar is like Him, Him right there!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwweeeeeee only you are being missed away iffffffffffffdfff only he knew!!!!!!!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
One of those nights!!!!!!!
Just yesterday on your way back from work raining and the other corner of the road somebody's car wheel cap comes off rolling before your car...
There he was again!!!!!!
On your way to some movie with him and mango and he suddenly stops to the side right before the Begumpet flyover pulls over and he gets out as he had noticed the wheel cap of his car come off and you turn around watching him runback slow towards the car with the wheel cap and it's these moennts charlie like random moennts very random nothing romantic and yet it makes your heart feel that extra special like it makes your heart go ayyyaaaaaaaa this one human the way this one human feels in your heart sings to your heart is like no other......
It just feels that different inaide your soul not just your heart like all of your insides feel differently sing differently dance differently to the sound of this one human...
A presence like no other in the world is what it does to you speaks to you in a way only you understand...!
That very moment wheel cap rolling right before your car and there was that moemnt of his rolling straight into your heart I say!!
It's that instant smile inside outside like that one feeeel there he comes, there He comes... Yet again!!!!!
To this morning from that dream of his to seeing no him on WhatsApp heart breaking somehow these mornings that very realisation and that moment at the cafe again buying bread and you literally picture him standing beside you smiling at you at the counter and you just freeze there smiling away like absolute madness of day dreaming away I swear!!!!!
Like that level of strong missing today!!!!!
To few hours back you see your most beloved red halo over him and the second you come back home take your mom's phone see and there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even his back made you that happpppppoy away!!!!!!
Like you just run to your room play his music and lights out and just be there missing him more away basking a lil more in that rushhhhhh of him!!!!!!!
Him changing tires his sister's picture of him all blue all rained out streets and him just changing tires very sexy!!!!!
I'm telling you charlie like it's always been this way and he somehow knew it too bout you like looooving going crazy over random things bout him like random most things bout him used to make you that happy that instant smiiile tinggg on you in an instant!!
And the waaay he would laugh at you for that calling you howli hai re tu poori!!!!
Today just seeing him living his back away to just see some of him any of him and you just couldn't stop smiling awayyyyy cause trust me that darshan of his back too did come after a very VEEY long time!!!!!!
It's that need to live him feeeeeel him miss him more like lettinf yourself live that him that way missing heartest away with his music...
Some moments nai charlie like are a self induced chaotic Sukoon somehow like they give you that level of Sukoon at the same time you know it will only make the missing more worse and yet AND YET you can't help but just feel away miss away and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!
That one human that one face that one back that one HIM!!!!!!!!!
There are these moennts lately happened earlier too in places random most and you picture him with youlike at some store browsing through groceries picture him with you beside you with you buying paint the other day picyurehim with you there buying bread this afternoon strangely there too picture him there with you in a chocolate brown shirt strangely along with the dress code too beige pants and brown shirt with his style of unbuttoned to a way down kinda style of his with sleeves folded just right till his elbow not an inch below not an inch above in crisp folds......
It's these random moennts places foods that strangely he comes along with you it's been happening a lot like those moments are your absolute peace cause it's been quite chaotic lately...
It's this feeeeeeeeeel charlie this realisation of a version of you you werebt cut out for......@like this is not what I pictured myself to be.......
There was this absolute delicate almost feminine version of you with him like he did bring out your most feminine version ever and lately with all the responsibilities and work stress it's the almost masculine side of you that has come out lately...that's strong or maybe pretending to be strong strict cause with that many men around work you just have to have a strict demeanour like you just can't be soft anymore...smile or be coy with your presence and being that strict constantly there's that side of that only comes alive in moennts like these!!!!!!
In your head basically with moments of him!!!!!
Like this need to dress like his karely with silver and bangles deep kajal hair half open as he used to love on you and then after studio back to workshop you take the bangles off you tie your hair in a pony and then at workshop with that work face on....
This beauuuuuuty of writing him like this as you are writing now this moment from the gym those first few initial days of feeling something more than just friend vibe for him and doing some arm weight and you stand to the side of that machine pulling that string of weight and him working on his arm set thing and sees you smiliiiiing away that beauuutifully there was just you and him and some guy in some other corner on the treadmill cause weight section was the opposite corner of the treadmill section......and he watches your pony swing in the air as you bend to the side and he comes to feels you pony in his hand and pulls out the hair tie off your hair and then jokingly tries to run away and then stands at the door and watches you just standing there no smile no laugh nothing.....as you try to walk towards him for the hair tie cause you weren't used to leaving your hair that way being long hair back then.....and the way he that beauuuuuutifully takes a step back as you get closer to him and once close to him the way he says wow I love your hair didn't know it's this long......
Like that was your first ever compliment of your life I say......and that too from a guy like the first guy first compliment of your life...and the waaaaay he chuckles away saying look at your face its red and you remember taking the hair tie and running to the changing room cause it all felt very magical very special like the first time you'd felt that way......and seeing your face turn that red was also another first for you!!
From where to whereeeeeee only it went!!!!!!
How I misssssssss that fellow I swear that THAT one face in the world for you!!!!!!!!
THAT ONE FACE!!!!!!!!!!!
Visuals VISUALS they play such a strong and huge part of your life…
Be it a visual from yearssssss back you see something and suddenly you are pulled away from the present moment and dropped at the same exact location you were at when you lived that moment for the first time ever…
Days back on youur way to the studio texting the manager something and at some jam look up and see this random guy walking out from the store wearing a tee that said your another one of those most looooved words of his psyyyychedelic!!!!
It wasn't same as his one but that very second that one strong feeeeeeewl that strongfffff rush of him through you close your eyes and there he was at his dd space opening the door for you and that face of his it doesn't hit you in that very moment......but that kid adoooooooorable kid face of his that he used to make like there was something he wanted you to notice see the waaaaaay he just holds the door and stands there with that one bighgh adooooorable smile on him and you just stand there adoooring him away just by the way he looks that beauuuuuutiful in that moment....and then tell him andar aaane deta ki idhar kadhe Rehna and he lets you in...
It was only much after do you realise he was wearing his gym tee from back then with you...and wanted you to notice and you don't that very day like all through that meet that wait in him that one adooooorable wait in him for you to notice it...
That day that very moment his ott music playing in your ears that moment of a random guy and the waaaaaay it literally sways you off and away to him with that strong rush.....
It was also the same day when later through the day he posts some story bout his collectibles of his dragon Ball fav !!!!!
It just does something nai charlie when you miss them that strongly from your deepest core and live some any random moemnt it just does something to you!!
There are very fewest of things that brings you that calm that lil spark of joy n happiness and when that too goes out this weird feeeling all day today……
Like amidst all the stress and hectic routine that which you weren’t prepared for or intended to there are really very few things that makes you still feel that same calm n joy in your heart…waking up to living him first thing in the mornings still in that sleep haze that need that want to seee him the first thing in the morning…
Something’s nai!!!!!!!
This very day since how long donno feels felt always extra special missing him a lil extra loving him a lil extra it all feels a lil extra special…….and waking up from that level of him to not seeing him on WhatsApp yet again makes it all very ………
Not sure bout exact word feel to name…
This very feeling somethings nai can never ever get used to and take it to be just another thing!!
One flashback morning it's been right from the very start of the day today...
On some days you can just feeeeeeeeeel it in the air only this one feeeeeel of Him!!!!!!
Like you miss him on days everyday then there are days like this one since the waking up you are literally breathing him in... It just feels different lilst of moennts from corners of your mind rushing through you!!
Kinda start...!
The one THAT one thing your absolute LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!
To live him his details every lil detail bout him was like your ultimate drug...
The waaaaaaays it used to slowly transform you inside out to just live him list thing to every detail bout him absolute LOVE!!!!!!!
Like it starts from the eyes to visually live him to the way his sound of voice falls on your ear and slowly moves inside of you...like you shut your eyes for a bit to just hear him even with him on the call just bout to fall asleep or sleeping and the way him breathing on the phone used to make you feel...
It's that feeling charlie like you are not just in love with their presence or absence or their physical attributes but the way their entirety their complete existence absorbs you literally.......
That one aura over n around him even him talking to lucky or ringo now is absolute love to you!!!!!
That one place that one meet did give you another one of tjos most beautiful versions of him...
Like it's been on playing on loop every lil moemnt from Versova meet in your head as you struggle to get over that stranger in city feel this time.......
It just felt weird.....
And then there's that safe space iin your head and heart that sort of covers it away!!
It's one of those nights tonite the sound of his chuckle to the nods of his to that gentle grip of his arm around!!!!!!
This mind with this one song playing on loop!!!!!
Some sounds nai pure HIM all just HIM in everyway possible...!
It's that feeling sudden feeling realisation where you stand dhadaaaam bolke in someone's life...
Less than 5 hours in Bombay to see a place your future store if all goes well in Bombay kala ghoda!!!!
One meeting with the investor and the realtor there to see how to go about it and stuff and it had been raining that need to be at Versova but as the investor was along you couldn't somehow......in your head and heart that one feeling of anyway this is going to be home soon kinda vibe!!
Also that feeeeeel of suddenly a starnger there that one place that you loooooovethe most in life because it gave you the Versova memory of his the Versova version of him that has lasted and stayed with you all this while...
That day there that starnge feeling even though it was raining that weird wierd feel couldn't scream out and tell him you were there wanted to run to him so sooooooo bad......even as you were meeting back to back with meets that one cinstant thing on your mind to just somehow scream away and it reaches him somehow that you were there in Bombay in his Bombay!!!!!
It's a lot of money lot of planning but something's nai you are that sure of that one one place you just have to have to...
Coming back it's been super busy and hectic with going all strict right route of working on the brand with branding and marketing and stuff like learning the actual way of working this out instead of overworking yourself away.....
The first step was marketing content creation and the branding guy talks bout how important it is to create content by the designer themselves instead of just shoots like organic marketing and content creation to the store interior aesthetic and stuff....
Like it's been too much work and planning with brain literally over worked up just understanding the way of running a brand......it's a LOT !!!!!
Today finally somehow try your attempt after long and not comfortable with the photographer clicking the picture you cancel that and instead go back to the mirror thing...
Cover up the neck as much as you could but yours eyes glued on your tattoo that literally stands out the THE C...
Also something that catches enough attention from the clients enquiries as well......something's nai just that bit of extra special nai.......to another late evening back home post work and notice this MOSTTTTTTTTT loved red halo over him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that runnnn to get your mom's phone and check it was bout his work space setup...
This loooooove for his work setup since back then early morning post bup as he wanted to see you first thing in the morning soon as he wakes up and you do from his back gate as he comes to open the gate t his room holds you post some moennts and sleeps away that adooooooorably holding you......as you try to move a lil he makes that same sound holds you closer asking you not to move away from him......
To one turn of his and you get off and sit on the chair a lil away from his bed near his desk and just live him away rubbing his face against the pillow looking gorgeous sleeping too........to just look around another script of something there with the name Ria on it so you dont touch that and just look around with that feeeeeeel of his hands on his work space including a pen too...
There's something that intimate to feel to live where the hands have been especially when it's a craft something they are so passionate bout to just feel it touch it live it absorb soak away in it...
Looking back at him slowly turns to your side of the bed and that sudden expression of his as he looks around and then notices you watching him and that beauuuuuutiful stare of his still sleepy and just nods slow in a way asking you to come close ........some moennts it's been YEARS charlie and yet like his face his expression his gorgeous sleeeoy eyed stare still this very clear....
That THAT one nodddddd of his!!!!!!!!
It was all things LOOOOOVE & MADNESS I SWEAR!!!!!
Bombiiii bambaiiiiii!!!!!!
Some places!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This state of mind right nowwwwwweeeeee baaarish!!!!!!!
This one day today like the level of dislike and hatefor some days is peak level father's day being one of those...
And this one moment today with this weird feeling of the day today and to make things only worse is everybody wishing it all away on Instagram with posts al around and stay off it.....
For some wood work you had to head out and soon as you were at some lift of the building you just move forward and somebody from beside you says hey watch it and you just freeze there...
Close your eyes there you are there he is post some movie you just walking ahead or bout to enter lift or something and this guy comes too close to you almost bout to touch you or something and he holds you pulls you back to him still holding you the way he that adooooooorably screams at you saying dekke chal ne nai hota karely you couldn't see that big man walking literally into you as you were looking at him and walking ahead face eyes on Him instead...and him being all that mad at you like that was your MOSTTTTTTTTT loooooved and lived thing bout him... Cause that tone of his used to only come out when he was concerned bout you being all protective bout you or was commenting on something that dumb that you just did...
It's that feeeeel charlie when someone makes you feel that safe that cared for that protected like no matter where you are who you are surrounded by with its that one person beside you with you and you know you didn't have to care bout anybody else around......like no need to think or be cautious bout people or place around and to just know you are safe protected guarded....
Him was that place that safest zone of your life prolky the only time in your life you felt the MOST protected cared for...
His arms his presence beside with you the safest you've ever felt in your life...the MOST cared you've ever felt in life....the most feminine you've ever felt in your life literally!!!!!!
Like the father you never had never experienced the way he protected you the love you never knew the care you never felt the safest the most loved you've ever felt in Life...
In that moemnt today that watch it for somebody else not for you but the way that moment that sound holds you makes you live feel that very moment close your eyes and live him there instead was almost magical...cause you could literally hear the sound same sound of his voice in that very moment from that moment...
To just sometime back when you notice him updating his dp on WhatsApp to this previous beauuuuuutiful one of his but no daaadi.......
Him that face that smile it's this feeeeel this beauuuty of seen pictures that missing they come along with.....that feeling of visuals older pictures that you've missed him in ways with to visually live it again brings back the ways of missing him kinda vibe...
Visuals pictures this beauuuuuuty they hold like living breathing form of memories like you see it and you are literally reliving that very version of missing again reliving that very feeling very moment all over again...
A literal Youday again...!
A very literal one today!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaays sings to your heart away and howeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The start of this the start of charlie years back was all becaude you couldn't hold the missing him all in you and just had to get it out somewhere cause you couldn't tell him how much you love him miss him want to be with him and this somehow this very habit of writing it all out did become your safe space your lil hideout to write away everything HIM!!!!!
Missing him too much can't tell him write out feeling the loooove for him too much write out dream bout him write out relive a memory of his walking down some random street of him write out anything him slightest of him to rushest of him write out cause you couldn't tell him!!!!!
Lil did you know this one small habit day after day month after month now years will eventually become your solid space to write all out to get this missing out and also end up missing him all the more after writing out and still to just do...this beautiful need to read your mind out high on him missing him living him away with sounds places and visuals and only make it that much more beauuuuuutifully worse post wrijng it out...
Even now as one eye is almost shutting with deep sleep this very need to write this present state of mind and heart right now!!
It's been a very long and tiring day setting up the store from literally and manually working on the racks wit raw rustic wood with your own hands to finally liking what you just created it's been an almost good day as you stood there watching the vision come to life bit by bit...
To coming home very late gin litchi juice with tonssss of ice has become your ultimate fav most combo to chill with rhye playing working on some accents for corners wit sktehxes and notice this one movie title on Netflix new addition voicemail something.....u strictly very hardly strictly stay miles away from mush movies feely movies and tonight just this need to......and the waaaaaay it feels like a bit of your journey with charlie.......where sometimes some nights high on gin it for that very slightest moemnt has indeed felt like you were chatting away with him bout your day or something very random too...is also when you did knowingly decide to quit writing...
Cause it somehow was blurring away recently memories of him and you didn't want that you still want to feel this like right now mind is max sleepy and yet shutting your eyes in this very instant and there he is under your apartment close to his car standing there in his striped wire and blue shirt waving at you a flying kiss just before he gets in the car pouting his lips away as he blows the flying kiss with that one smileeeeeeee!!!!!
That one smile the absolute heart and soul of your life for life...
With his ringo account recently public again his red tee video as he says howleeee your heart every single time as you hear him say it hear him the sound of his voice that visual of him smiliiiiiiiiing that one magical smile of his......
He is a walking form of pure loooooooooove in chaddis I swear the love the heart the sound the life of your life I swear...
Like everytime you see a video of his there goes my heart in chaddis right from the very first time the loooove of your life in chaddis!!!!!!!
It's these lil things that makes your heart smile deeeep I say with Versova pinned away on his profile this very moment from the movie sexy chipmunk like this whole vibe of tonight even wrijfn away with one eye open right now.........
Some movies nai beyond logics though most some few bits were complete non logical but the main story line did bring the charlie along with this need to write this moment of magic today...
Just had to...
It's been one of those days toooootally him highd on him and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some tracks right in the middle of working on rack designs and sketches at home with a glass of white wine in teh day for the first time cause it's that kinda lazy chilled out day after very long at home...
And yet working and this new artist find as you are in the middle of researching and sketching for custom designed racks first few sips first sound beat of the track makes you literally makes you close your eyes in that very moment...
There's him right there emerging from the clouds of smoke around his face amidst the smoke from Versova meet that first second of him giving you that mouth to mouth inhale of his spy beedi and as you move a lil away to look at him that state of mind flying high YOUR ultimate most loved thing human place face on this planet right there amidst the smoke that state that moment PURE LOVE AND ULTIMATE MAX PEAK OF BLISS I say!!!!!
Today this very moment righr there the first sound of this track by this artist and to feeeeeeeeeel him like this right now in this very moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS HEART of yours right now!!!!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only how oblyyyyyy you are being missed abhiiiii k abhiiiii if he only knew I swear!!!!!!!!
This moment this mind this heart this you right nowwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!
Some moments of happiness the red halo over him on a Youday hits different on many different levels I say!!!!!
Too many reasons for this widest smile possible all reasons leading to HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Waking ups like these when you somehow managed to live him even after the waking up too!!!!!!!!
Kittuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
PURE POOOOOOOORA HEART & LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!
Something's can never explain reason out why they make you feel the way you do!!
Joining this same floor gym as much as close by access it was you weren't really feeling it the crowd the space...this one guy actyally comes over to the store after knowing post gym that's where you were at introducing and stuff and somehow the place wasn't the vibe....
Like you just couldn't and once you got back to the routine as it's been long post the arm surgery getting back to the routine felt super good......also this one thing on your mind knowing soon you'll be in his city few months and you just wanted to be on the routine just incase by any chance somehow you come across him HIGH HOPES bit again one of those things just can't help but wish hope...
Couldn't sleep turning switching sides and you finally be up at around 5:30 something and get off to come on the mat and the best decision I swear the music your space the vibe moving stretching dancing strength training after LONGEST gap ever...to those movements that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like it just made you super happy feeling yourself feeling him away like all that routine getting back...
That one feeeeeeeeeel to just close your eyes as you move and stretch with Enrique playing to feeeeel him away!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just felt SO goooood!!!!!!!
Been a very good morning start to the day already...!
It still all is this very clear also cause it was the first and only time you got to live that many versions some new some old ones back again that one day...
Where soon as he goes back to his side of the couch and then looks you in the eye and mentions bout him having to leave for a meeting by 4 like that was your deadline with him for that meet kinda announcement it felt like...
That one isntant fataaaaaak pull and you literally go up to him and sit down like there was this coffee table behind you with his laptop and him on the low couch seating thing and you sit down on the floor space close to him on his feet almost ...
And you gently slowly raise your arms and in Ishara asking him permission if you could touch him and the way he shuts his eyes leans a lil forward towards you and you touch his hair and he opens his eyes surprised smiling chuckling away as you set his hairstyle the way he leans a more almost locking you away with his legs in between his legs closer to him...you do that Johnny Bravo hairdo and he lets you the second you are done you try to take a look how gorgeoysssssssss he looked in that knit thing cause you'd never seen him wear anything like that ever before even that color nkevr on him and the waaaaaaaaaay he looked that beauuuuuutiful in that!!!!!
He messes up that hairdo and leans a lil more for you to do it again and you do the same and he again waist for you to check it out and then messes it up again like it goes on for 2-3 times as much as you remember to that final time his face all of him that closest to you and this time he just looks you in the eye as you raise your arms and instead of his hair this time the way he slowly lifts his arms just a lil bit and that rusggggggg in you to just hold him and the second you do the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he holds you back tighter closer to him that second always used to be your melt away point wooooooosh bolke.........
Like he tightly holds you back and this one second you wanted to look at him again and move back a lil and he immeeeediately comes closer nose chummies your face away just like he used to back then after ages that very same feeeeeeeeeeeeelingof his kiss that way even as you write now there are some scents in your life charlie no longer how long it's been since lived that smelled that you can still smell it even after years.......shutting your eyes away one sniff and that scent of him on your nose same beautiful scent of him on your nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one meet!!!!!!
In a different city seeing him meeting him being with him like you were used to being with him all alone in his previous house to dd house too but this since the very start felt that different that beautifuk that intense somehow...
That soon as you enter is Versova house you look yaha waha and the way u keep asking him random things bout stuff around his apartment on the fridge some Bhagwan there some Beatle thing on the table without looking at him and the waaaaay he could just sense every nerve if you even from a distance like he knew you inside out even from a distance like know understand what exactly you are feeling in that very moment just know ...
And he chuckles away plays some music to ease you on his laptop and asks you to sit first on the couch next to his...
And finally you do and look at him him with that one smiiiiiiiile on him knowing what and how you were feeling on the inside...starts to look for something on his laptop saying let's watch something talks bout his current work project and stuff with when it's going to be telecasted and stuff his then project something by humtum to be on TV soon stuff......and then suddenly moves the laptop away after selecting some song and playing it and then straight away comes to you lays his head over your lap and that sudden feeeeeeel of losing your breath like for that moemntwhen your breath pauses for the most beautiful moemnt out of that sudden lot of happiness like to see him that way with you on your lap after years like he used to back then in Opera....
And you just run your fingers through his hair and the way he pushes his head against your tummy finding that one comfort spot and then holds your by your waist and snugs up a lil more and allthroufb those few mins your heart your soul your mind everything yn you goes numb like all you could sense feel see touch think or move or anything at all was just him...that visual of him in that very moment still this clear like that one creamish oatmeal color almost knit type of softest thing he was wearing with those khaki long chaddi his head on your lap movingagainst your tummy him holding you closest.......
Some visuals nai!!!!!!!!!
Right from that start to having to head out for some more interior work and then evening dinner out with mom and a friend and this need to wear this black kurti that you had designed for yourself that was similar to his pathani set that you had done for him but still with you.....
It's that feeeeel of him in your head charlie that again felt like back in time...
His black kurti with silver jewellery the way he liked it on you with lot of Kajal like you used to back then and the second you step out your mom first thing you dressed up today like this after years like u used to back then...
It's that whole himcoming from this morning those glimpses and sounds of him that one big moooood you already were in...
Just outside the restaurant in the car as your driver flashes the light on the car in the front the guy kissing the nose of the girl and bas khalaaas it was like sealed the whole missing him you were already struggling to deal with...
You literally struggled to keep a straight face on cause suddenly all those nose smooches were rushing through you like you could all you could smell sniff feel think imagine miss was him his face in that zoomed up version rushing through you including the scent and feeeel of his daaaadi on your lips it was that much suddenly rushing in you.....
Now coming back home a lil high on the wine on the couch play this one sonh on loop and galti se fall asleep and there you were agaubib that very moment from Versova his face that close to yours his hair in your hand and that one point where you literally sniff your hand to feel that scent of his hair and actually wake up still sniffing your hand away...
This feeeeweeeeeeeel of today to just feel that feel slightest of feel that he does remember you whatever it was even for a second to this morning himcoming in your ultimate favblack to those moments through the day it's been one day........
One full Him highddddddddddaway kinda Youday it's been today...!
Saving it away after very very long time!!
Some days you just donno it's like it's in the air and it always happens max on a Sunday Youday like this one today!!!!!
Like right from the start this one night of mix himcomings in different versions and you were up as early as 5-6am just walking around the house with his music playing like a slow start to see bit inside there was this rush of him......THAT level of rush of him cause he was he felt that real him talking him arually talking to you that closeness of him his hands his skin the scent of him every bit of him felt that THAAAAT real like you actually met him it was thaaaaaat level real all of it all of him!!!!
It's that beautiful restlessness you wake up with that rush in you that hiiiiigh on him like you just couldn't handle it all rushing inside of you...it's that feeeeeeel same feeeeel of him standing from a distance and you are on this corner and just one look of him that rush in you that runnnnn in you to just runnnn to him and melt away kinda feel kinda rush this morning you wake up with...
It also had that same moment exact moemnt of you sitting down close to him like him on bed or something it was and you were sitting down on the floor space trying to reach out to him to hold him exact same moemnt from the Versova meet...
Like it was too many of him and that left toooo much rush in you like you were so high on him you couldn't sit stay calm stay in one place stand or sleep back in one place kinda rush......like how could he possibly be that close to you seconds back and now can't find him kinda vibe like you soooooooooooo baaaaaaadly wanted to touch hold feel him again that beautiful ache almost on your fingertips to touch him again in that very moment mixed with a whole Lotta rush to just hold him touch him feel him again........
Lil moments of absolute joy like this...
Anywhere you spot anything cloud a bark of a tree the moon a strange curve in the coffee anything at all that forms a C brings a smile on your face...cause he just rushed through you!!
It's things like these you can't possibly define or reason out the why's or the how's it just is...it just does something to you beyond words and logics...
Painting work on at the studio and this granite top against the wall just when you were bout to step out notice it and that instant HIM!!!!!!
Click a pic post the pic and the grass hopper notices the story although he has one proper girl gang going on on that account also why stopped seeing that spy account of his or more like spying on that spy account of his...
But some lil moments of Khushi when you've been missing him that level lately just for him to see it's like you still exist kinda vibe that he still somehow does remember you exist still...something's nai beyond logics!!!!!!
Absolutely BEYOND!!!!!!!!
This morning up early to work early and thus one smile on ayyyaaaa this one different sprakle in the eyes this one smile feels different the playlist feels different...one lil anything him absolutely anything him still does make you glow differently even years after...
HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some words out of nowhere and this beautifully insync with the mood you already have been in last 2-3 days…
THE one track that sums everything up bout your moments and memories with him at Opera it has HAS to be this one track moments in love and HOWEEEE!!!!!!
Like you intentionally make sure to rarely very rarely give this a listen and right now in this moemnt teary eyed goosebumps on the skin is exactly the reason why you avoid listening to this one mainly...
And tonight just felt the need to after a very long time, THIS feeeeeeeling that you are feeling right now eyes shut lights out this one track playing on loop now and you are back there in Opera in his car and him right there just before turning the car speakers out just so the lights go out that one stare of his that one moemnt of him looking you in the eye and that one smile that one moemnt before living the rush of love that one moment still this clear right now as you relive it now... to relive him to relive his details including his touch scent of him the waaaaaay his arms used to feel around you wrap you all with him any to every lil detail of him right now rushing through you!!!!!!!
HIM just HIM the sound the beat the soul the life and heart of your life I say...!
TBIS NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With a gym right next to your studio one week into it and today after decade using gloves for weight training and this immediaaaaaaaaaaate feeeeeeeeeel when you put on the gloves... HIM!!!!!!!
Him forcing you to use gloves for weight training and giving you his gloves one very adorably chewed out by lucky and still insisting you use it...also mentioning away how he really liked the pinkness and softness of your palms after shaking hands with you the first time...
That too still as friends him introducing you to the world of doing weights with gloves on instead of blistering the palm away.....showing you his big blisters on palm and saying how much he loved his hands that way more rugged and to peal the dry skin off the blisters but not on you...
Today standing there watching yourself in the mirror with the gloves on and missing him away reliving him away from those moments at the gym...
Eyes still searching for him in corners of the gym!!!!
Strange are the ways of the heart I say even after years decade it's been...!
It's one of those nights!!
Waking upto THAT much him and this feeeeeel now working on some interior thing!!
Truly truly moments like these where your absolute happiness lies in...
Finally your first ever proper commercial store that you signed few days back and now working on interiors and stuff it comes to this one dream that one himcoming and this feeeeeel it overloads you with is beyond everything...
This mind today and this level of missing him away...!
Like you are happy excited with the store and related stuff but it's that feeeeel charlie like there's happiness and there's that absolute level of Khushi that makes you that happy that you actually feel crazy happy like crazily insanely happy kinda Khushi that was your this morning when you wake up from that dream of his...
Things moments that always make you re realise certain things time and again...
Someone means that much to you means the world away but it also is not necessary that you meant the same way for them too...and strangely somehow that fact doesn't change your way of loving them...
Even with time, it somehow doesn't change a thing for your love and loving them...!
To back to now that you are working at, saving the first few moments away of your commercial store FINALLY!!!!!
Sunday mornings like these !!!!!
A sleep full of him a waking up to your most looooved red halo over him.....a race thing but something's you can never really understand thewaaaaays they can make you happy away!!!!!!
It's just been such a moooood today!!!!!
A day full of toooo much missing with all the plannings on hold for just today it's been suchaaaaaaaaaaaa beauuutoful himday today...
This level of missing today...now this hour of his Fink playing in your ears a glass of icey gin lights dim working on some designs this mooood this state of mind with the strings playing...
The drives the first time feeeeeeeling him away with just your eyes... Fink does this every single time!!!!!!!
The waaaaaaaaaaaaays it brings back those initial days of drowning in love with him without even realising it...
Like he moves around the gym you loooooived watching him he would sit down on the steps before the store below the gym with his car door open just sitting there and you waiting outside for the auto, sometimes skipping the auto stopping by too, cause you just loooooived living him away... Him on phone sometimes sometimes just looking at something sitting there alone on the steps...
And that one pull that one wait that one hold to just be there and live him away to the sound of fink playing in his car...to those late night calls with him with same fink playing in the background in his room...
Even that day first time in his house and then upstairs and he runs to his room and playsfink on his desktop and comes out smiling away and you show in Ishara from listening to it on his phone call to actually being in his place and listening there in his presence....
It's the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the feeeeeels the mind would sync that beauuuuuutifully without having to say a word...
Singmiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the absolute the complete COMPLETE heart n soul of your LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
The sound and beat of teddy swims just made HIM rush flow swim through you and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!
Whatttaaaaaaaaa accidental his kinda psssssydelic sound find this has been THIS him rush right through you nowwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!
Dancing flowing moving missing him away in a room with no lights!!!!!!!
That one second of happiness in the morning seeing your most loved red cirle circling away!!!!
It’s some moments nai only when you live them do you realise how much these lil things do really matter and make that big of a difference to you…
It’s only when you live them do you realise the importance of it…
Priorities…!
One of those days when you miss him beyooond normalcy and too many isharas of random events through the day connecting the missing and that beautifully worsening the missing away...
Been one of those days of missing today waaaaaay beyond your everyday missing him...
July 26 concert in his Versova of all artists had to be Niladri and you just cantttttttt wait!!!!!!!
Some days nai!!!!!!!!! That one wait to live some moemnt of his some thing anything on his story doesn't happen been too long...
Right from the very start today...!
Of all the moemnts something as random as that moment with his back facing towards trying to feed you something has made your heart this THIS happy right now......
Just to live that closeness of his after years that way the way it brings back that chocolate room memory with him...
His usual love to make you get something he loved he takes you to this place with his sister in the front with him and you were sitting right behind him...and this chicken something he orders for and there was a specif way of eating it and he turns and takes your foil plate thing and shows you how to eat and then opens his mouth asking you to open yours and feeds you and then watches your expression cause you loved it and then suddenly realises his sister's presence as you ask him to feed her too in Ishara soon after brings his one hand from the side feeling your feet away and then holds your hand for a bit and looks at you through the rear view...
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa one thing to the other this heart right now how HOWWWWWWWWEEEEEEE much love did he absolutely filled you up with nai!!!!!!!
This one sudden feeeeel right now THAAAAAAAAT much love he completely filled you up with lasting for all these years now...to a night for a night like this one too!!!!!!
This heart this feeeeeeeeel this missing this LOOOOOVE for him right now!!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
This missing!!!!!!!!
He was that close THAAAAAAAAT close just mins ago!!!!!!!
His hand his back his arms his entire presence that THAT close to you!!!!!!
Sound of his voice still this very clear talking something away!!!!!!!!!!!
This one feeeeeeeeeel right now of the 2009 like in your mind right now you are back there in that very moment living his love for you away and howwwwweeee!!!!!!
He used to love you THAT MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
On nights like these with a missing like this sometimes it all still feels like one of the most beauuuuuutiful dreams of your life I swear!!!!!!!
There are moments and then there are string moments like these where the sound of him talking to you made you feel like you were back in 2009 same phone calls that tone of his voice still this clear ayyaaaaaaaaa even as you write now shut your eyes to relive that voice of his and it's still this clwar.........
His back that close to your face like you could literally holdddd him away that THQT close to you.......that close to your face in that moemnt......
Ayyqqaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind right now soooo high soooooooooooo high on him!!!!!!!!!!!
A moment like this one after years!!!!!!
Not sure what why was this even!!!!!
Working on some designs you fall asleep on the couch itself.....and this sound of him like literally in your ears that close all you could hear was him talking whispering for really long and you keep replying hmmhmm like he was talking something and nwvore you even make sense of it him in this white and blue big bold plaid shirt not his purana one this was different close to his dining table and you are sitting there......and with his back towards you that close to your face he feeds something in your mouth with his hands and itbws something not sure but you just hold his hand and just live the details of his hand away and the way he still was talking something to somebody before him and you holding his hand adoring him away......to that second when he tries to hold your lips with his hand and you wake up now with your own hand on your lips.......
Even seconds after the waking up you somehow could still hear him talk something like literally chatting away with you it's that state charloe where you are still in sleep still in that zone of that moemnt and trying to make sense of the change around like where is he now he was right here kind moment it was......
Him looking gorgeoyssssssssssssss even peeche se like you couldn't see his face but his back his arms his hand iin yours that same tone of his voice from back then the way he usee to talk to you......
That very same tone of his voice after yearssssssss!!!!!!!
Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this state of you right right nowwwwww!!!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
At his place his ramantapur one one of those post bup meets in his fav kurta on you the wakeup sid one...
This one moment just before getting ready to leave him sitting on the couch as you tie your hair back in a ponytail one look through the mirror him still watching you...and the way his arms move as you look at him through the mirror that instant pulllllllll and walk back towards him...the way his body moves and you slowly sit over his lap with arms around him for the first time that way...holding him that way sitting on his lap for the first time.......him looking you in the eye that beauuutifully that one beauuuuuutiful longing in his eyes in that one state of his and the waaaaay he takes the hair tie off your hair and runs his fingers through your hair opening it back again...
That one feeeeeeeeeel same from those drives with him his hand in your hair as you sleep on his lap....
This one sound that one memory to the other memory...
It's in those very moemnts one after the other he did become your most beautiful Home...
He did become the Home of your heart and soul...!
This one sound on loop and the way it's bringing back that one memory from his room one of those first times yet again...
Some days some sounds some memories and this feel this you it has transformed in and HOWEE!!!!!!!!
Some sounds nai bassssssss hits differently!!!!!!
Like you just wanna spend the night admiring him away living him away writing him away just to live the whole feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of loving him away…
This usual topic argument with mom and head out for the first coffee at this new place all by yourself and this artist track plays Shazam it away and it was a local artist one song after the other here you are back home now laying in bed just listening to this one unplugged version on loop not a single word understood and yet a zillion feeeeels and moments of him relived again……right here in this very moment!!!!
Some sounds nai this WHOLE VIBE THEY CARRY!!!!!!!
This beauuuuuuutiful missing right now!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaa one gorgeous GORGEOUS human I say!!!!!!!
It was a very very different need yesterday last night to this very moment right now……in sleep almsot and this sudden sound of his voice and that same need same strong need like last night to just talk to him to just hear the sound of his voice…to hear him to just speak all out to him!!!!!
This very VERY strong need after years like there’s everyday missing and this ones this strong after long to just speak to him hear him talk breathe any sound just to hear him to speak anything to everything him…….
Like can’t stress enough how strong this urge feels like since yesterday even seconds back now too like maybe it was him in sleep right here sometime back saying something and now this same strong need to hear him for real right now!!!!!!!
And still in sleep get on your mail account to read any text of his and this one from march 2018 and this feeeeeeeeel cause it’s not his texts you read you literally hear him in his voice say those things to you……like you could literally hear him say those things to you and not just read them…
This very feeeeeeling been feeling very differently since yesterday…
Singaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you only knew!!!!!!!!!
Some moments that one dream always to see his name on his work credits!!!!!
Right from that evening at opera when he shares that with you it's always been your dream too...
His recent work mind blowing the color tone of the ad the crispness of the edit the sound throughout the video his hands on his work HIS MIND in his work some moments nai pure love.......not just for his work but to just imagine his way of doing that work that version of him too absolute LOOOOVE I say!!!!!
It just makes your heart and soul SUPER SUPER happy and proud like one proud Momma!!!!!! Wanting badly to pat his back away kinda strong urge today apart from the other many things...
Some things nai just can't help it...! Proudest Momma lately!!!!!! His one work after the other, the other ones recently for other reasons and this one purely for the art and magic of visuals and his mind...
Like theres your work on one side which has been super stressful lately and only wish it gets a lil easier so you can have some time for yourself and then there's a moment like this of HIS work that becomes your ultimate source of happiness and pride I swear...
To that need to save his work on Youtube and you search everywhere possible don't find it and just watch it over again on his repost!!
From that looooooove for his photography to his work being featured on Nikon one longest journey of wishes I swear...
It's always ALWAYS the lilst of things that can make you love someone BIG!!!!!
One corner of a memory of His and still thus level of love right now for him!!!!!!!!
Like it feels like he was just here yesterday and not so long ago...
One lilst second of a memory of his out of nowhere now while editing and this sudden shift of the mind now to all things Him...
Him and his way of love his way of his entire being for that matter...!
Always the lil things!!
It’s been one of those mornings waking up to him looking for him sniffing away your pillow and still being able to find him there and then the search out again to find him somewhere…
To coming back home late from work playing new music and here you are missing him this baaaaaadly again…….
Some days nai right from the start very start had HIM written all over today was one of those days, yet again…
And then to find music like this and the whole lyrics you don’t get but this one like I’m alive when he is in my veins by your ultimate fav two feet him artist ansolutely…
Is all you could make sense of and some words nai like they literally scream out the story of your life I say…
This mind right now playing him every lil visual of him with every lyrics and beat of the songs…
One of those days, one of those nights…!
Working on this reel now this one moment from the shoot...
After a lot of finalising cancelling selected this particular model and the very first click and picture out on the monitor that one sinking feeling because of her dead expression...
The Photographer even mentions the same thing discuss with the makeup person if something can be done with her makeup to enhance the overall look of the visual and they all mention the same thing it's her...
Somehow manage with the first two outfits then play some Bhansali tracks doesn't work too then after a few shots walk upto her and ask her if she has a boyfriend and she nods saying a yes and then tell her imagine it's your boyfriend behind the camera and not the photographer and he is looking at you through the lens feel it and then look into the camera......
Done back to the monitor and then again same thing happens again walk upto to her asking her to feel his gaze like he is lost in you and looking at you as you were explaing that there was him in the monitor Skype call with him and how just that one look used to make you feel and you show her to give the expression like that with her shoulders more relaxed and move softly looking into the camera and you come back to monitor again.....the photograer tells you she is not getting that adaaa that you have ignore as the photographer sitting and taking the shots too did to an extent irritate you as wasn't exploring angles with movement being a new guy....
To back to the shot and again fails in giving any expression and as you go back to her to explain how bad the frames were looking without any expression and why wasn't the boyfriend idea wasn't working and she tells you he never loooks at me that way that makes me feel things away...
And for the first time that day you actually smile away that very instant and walk back to the monitor...
In that very instant that very second a zillion a godzilluoj moments of him just looking you in the eye and working his magic rush rushhhhhhhh through you....
Be it that very first time he looks up at you whilst walking on the tiles in the gym that stare to the mirror stare in the gym for the first time that long and being held by him for the very first time without him holding you even....
Like you couldn't move blink or look away that kind of being held by him...
To the zillion other moments from across the mall or in his car the second you get in the way he would just look at you and something in his eyes always would change like that slight hint of sparkle like tingggg in his eyes in a second and that smile after...
Like from that moment you just had a smile glued on your face with him rushing through you all through the shoot with his beauuuuuutiful stares from his big eyes...
And that somehow comforted the model in some way thinking you were smiling away looking at the monitor and she tells you this and it works with few good shots...
Even when showing something for reels to move to show her how to move and she asks you bout your partner saying you smile differently like you are thinking bout something and showing the moves...
It's that feeeeeeeeel charlie like one strong gush of the wind he just rushed through you and like always you are never the same after...it's that touch of him that transforms you away and how even from a distance...
Some moments nai it's like you are literally walkijg towards that moemnt from back then and not the actual reality scene happening before you...
It's that beaaaaaautiful shift suddenly inside outside all around you - the HIM shift...!
Just weeks back or something this one dispatch time and the staff says the address out loud with the client name and that one place ayyyaaaaaaaa it was DD colony...
U ask her to take care of the others and take thus one to the office and write down the address yourself playing his Fink on the side...
Lil did you know back in 2015 lil did you know nai that very meet him in his psychedelic black t shirt from the gym days hide n seek bjsucits to banana chips around every snack from those evening strolls with him around your Galli or in his car evening snack dates...
That day scattered around his apartment like traces of these memories with him from back then as you look around and that feeeeeel he hasn't changed a bit...to that very moment of having to leave and that feeeeeel as you literally walk ulta with face towards him living him away till the stair turning like making the most of his presence making the most of living every bit of him as much as you could...cause he that day had called uber auto thing for you that day and it was waiting down and you couldn't have stayed back any longer and you remember saying something to him from the stairs off all the days tujhe aaj he bulake rakhna tha isko and him chuckling away that adooooorably.....as he still waits at the door while you getting mad at him as you walk down the stairs...
That day writing down that clients address that feeeel inside isko tho mein jaake order deliver Karti kinda state of mind... But that feeeeeeeel of some places even as you write down the name of the place DD colony...
Even relivifnit now this feeeeel again...
Lil did you know then...!
It takes that one visual just that one visual and it's like the mind all of you in that memory loop dreams and reality too...
Him with the background of the sea and standing at his Versova fence waiting for him to come out and take you inside his house it's that sound of the waves crashing by and that first sound of him whatsaaaapppp that one feeeeeeeeel to just waiting for him......that's baaaaaadly waiting for him to ask you to stay back even that last second as you step out of his house along with him that wait in you that self talk inside pls ask me to stay back pls pls and finally leaving...
To the many dreams of him and a boy lil boy running around a huge beautiful tree that one dream on repeat for years and eventually somehow never happened dreamt again the same dream with years passing by...
That one visual of him even at the back side profile one tiny second looking his absolute looooooove best with that gorgeousness of his daaaaaadi the heart of yours right on his face holding his friends kids hand and that feeeeeeling of absolute madness when from that building of his ka watchman to his sister to his ringo to that lil boy wanting to be any of those just soooo.......just soooooo you could be closer to him...holding your hand walking to the beach!!!!!!
Some visuals nai bring out that level of missing like almost awakens that side of missing out of nowhere!!!!!
Like there's that everyday missing him and then there's a missing like this THIS one...
Working on reels and the mind keeps going back to that one visual of him holding the hand that adooooooorably walking towards the beach...
Something's nai!!!!!!!!!!
THE absolute heart and soul of your eyes and life I sayyyyy!!!!!!!
THAT ONE VIEWWWWWW so seee him live him with the view of the sea at the back this feeeeeeeeeel right now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one girgeoussssssssss of a human I swear!!!!!!!
This need right now to runnnnnnnn MN to him abhiiii k abhiiiiii!!!!!!!!
That one wish to wake up to his presence at the window to the sound of the sea as the bg music......of the zilluon other wishes!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwww only you were missed abhiiii k abhiiiiii this very second!!!!!!
Sea ocean any visual of a water body with this gorgeous boy has to be Versova!!!!!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaa singaaaaaa!!!!!!
Working on reels now, this one strongfeeeeeeel if there’s any other sound apart from Niladri that strings away this you in him, it has to be this recent found artist and of all the tracks this one manase…
It’s like from start to the end bit of the sound is all HIM…
The waaaaaaaays this brings out awakens the missing him in you this one sound is beyond words n logic…
Every lil glimpse visual sound of him from his chuckles to the sound of him sleep breathing on the calls every lil blink wink smile nod of his everything to anything him this one sound Manase is all HIM!!!!!!!
The waaaaaaaaaays it makes your heart and soul , live and miss him is beyond everything else…!
Miyaaaaaa the ways you are missed every single second of every single day I swear if he only knew!!!!!!!
Apart from the zillion changes at work recently including Zardozi master change that changed your entire shoot plan schedule ahead can’t wait for July august when you’ve decided to take a 2-3 months break first ever break from work and solo travel Bombay Goa…
Both the places Him, his plans of you and him in Goa to having dreamed many dreams away picturing him in goa waking upto a visual of overlooking the beach and him at the window to the Versova the fav most place for you…
It’s this feel now working back to back can’t wait for the time ahead…
Like you just want to need to live those places where you’ve pictured him in your head for over zillion times all these years to just LIVE HIM!!!!!!
This one sound on loop this one missing him on loop the waaaays it’s making you miss him…
The sound of his voice right now with the sound of this music…!
Some dates every year hit differently!!
Holi being one of those dates on the calendar...
Too many memories too many versions of him lived that day too many moemnts shared and first time lived...
From the shower in his bathroom to wearing his clothes to that moemnt before the mirror in his wardrobe standing beside him as he holds you closer checks you out and that big smile on him beauuuuuutiful smile on him HOW happy he looked seeing your reflection with him in the mirror...
It just feels very different on some days the most beauuuuuutiful dream of your life...!
This feeel today!!!!!!!!!
This looooooove for finding music like this that feels like all of HIM!!!!!!
It's like the sound the vibe as much Kannad as you can understand as it sounds similar to tullu the words this viiiiiibe of him...
Working on content reels grid work font work picture work like there's that load of work to sitting now final selection of the images to send for retouching this sound this one sound and you are just smiling away akele akele nodding away reliving him with the sound...
Holi just days away one of those days with him again one of those firsts too...
He has gone too far suddenly if you think on some dayslike these...like you try your best to drown yourself in work and then there are days like these sounds like these and this feeeel of being held by your wrist and taken to this world of all things to every lil thing just HIM......
Your ultimate HAPPIEST place of your life - HIM!!!!!!
The life and soul of your life...!
Edit nights like these are prolly the best from all the waking up very recently!!
This beautifully quiet and his music playing this very feeeeeeel of him with every track like your mind still editing fonting away and this feel of him with his music like this...
This missing!!!!!!!!
The sound of Nusrat and this feeeeeeeeel of him...!
Working on the shoot bits and checking for Inspo and thia one image of his track Tama Mali from years back and you actually took a screenshot of the YouTube track just so you don't forget and now years after find it like this in one album of his on your phone...
Some moments nai like this it's that vibe of that time meeting him post bup in breaks and this one track he had posted back then on FB...
Some sounds just like that brings back that time of your life THE most loved one...
To just realised this every single time how close he was like almost one hand distance away kinda close from you...!
Some days and dates on calendar, the nostalgia hits slams differently!!!!
Like there's an everyday missing and then there's a special day or days this time that hits differently...
Yesterday and today are one of those kinda dates & days...
Sooo many memories soooooooooo much him and his different beauuuuuutiful versions through these days...
This day every year just feels differently, the fasting the missing this feeeeeel inside out this day every year!!!!!
Singaaaaaa!!!!!!!
It just does things and ever since then can’t think straight I say!!!!!
Waking up with your coffee now looking out shutting your eyes for a bit and him again this very moment some visuals nai stringggggggggg your heart and soul away and HOWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Some visuals nai brings back a zillion more moments!!!!
To see before the screen light in that story of his after YEARS tho it was some Skype call but just him editing and yet the way the screen light lights up his face in that tone him in a navy no daaadi and yet all things LOOOOVE!!!!!!!
The way that one visual transformed this mind of yours in an instant a zillion memories from those Skype calls just living him adooooooring him falling in love all over again every single time to finding these beauties lately on your mail…Skype call screenshots that you’d mailed him years back then with him doing these smoke rings in the pictures just cause the way it amazes you away and makes you happy..
Seeing the same after years same same feeeeeeeel I say him and the things he does AMAZED as always…
Absolute fan girl I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For life…!
From lunch being chikudkayi at work that brings back all him from that late lunch at his dd space to evening Bombay wada pav cause you lived him...
It's only when you live such moments do you realise how much how very very much his presence makes you happy and what level!!
Even be it his sideprofile like even that slightest of his presence too how truly inside happy outside happy it did make you in that very second...
Ii t was before lunch or after something this most loved red Hallo over him and the second you check itwas him editing glimpse ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that level of khushi too see him even his side profile like you really can't write out how much it made you absolutely happiest I say!!!!!
There's this strange fascination of living his work space too be it back then his writing space on the floor with sheets of script or today just to see him at work even writing out now thisbig wideeeeee smile on I say!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you were missed today...!
Like howwweeeeeeeeeeee only!!!!!!
This was definitely the most strangely beauuuuuutiful experiences of a visual and sound of music blended together into a moemnt you've ever had recently...
Sunday's are all him there's missing him every single second of your every day ever since him and his absence from your life...but sundays hit differently donno how or why they just do...
Missing him on a Sunday is another story altogether!!
Even now it's that time of the night watching Lincoln new season with this music playing after his work story of Don music this comes as a youtubemagjc the song play through time and this need to close your eyes...
Just on valentine's day it was or days before something in his car parked in your ghar ki Galli soon as you get in he pulls your face closer to chummi your eyes shut again and the way he pulls back again after that wait him still looking at you this one visual his face that close to your looking you in the eye he looks like he was laughing all that while and suddenly just stops and looks you in the eye tellimguou how intensely your close your eyes living his presence that fully... his presence meaning his chummi!!
And then points out to the street somebody standing there or some uncle in the balcony it was bout watching so he couldn't and you move with that feeeeeel of missing kissing him in that moemnt...cause it was that beautiful shift of him missing you that bad that first thing he wanted to chummi you soon as you get in to that moment of your missing livingthqt moemnt of him looking you in the eye no word no movement nothing at all just that beauuutiful silence him screaming a zillion things away without any movement or words just by looking you in the eye the way he was...
This sound of music from today to that visual of living that beauuuuty of him from that very moment his eyes his facial expression not smiling nothing and yet that beautifully all things LOVE...
Moves the car a lil ahead just checks you out smiling away keeps looking Galli after Galli and some sharp turn in some other Galli stops by and kisses you away...
That one line in between as he does you and your face of missing, he could just that beauuutifully read away your every feel thought wonder rushing through you without you ever having to tell him anything...
He just always would could even thinking bout it now years after it always ALWAYS amazes you...
How beautifully he just like that could...!
Some sounds nai just does something to your soul in inexplicable ways...you can't reason it out why it had to be just that one moment of all moemnts lived with him why it had to be this track thats not even his music...
Ever since the start of the year there have been a zillion moments where it felt like you were back in 2009 like you wer literally living a day a date from that very MOST loved year of your life also why you add his opera pic of yours crop it best and make it your dp...just so he doesn't realise it's the same one incase if he sees by any slightest chance bhi...
To this very night the track on loop mind on loop playing those list moments his car light blinking to that night of your first psy beedi experience to him bringing the Biryani for you and just living you away...
Some.nights nai feel different just very very different!!!!!!
Tonight your heart your mind your soul feels different andar se donno why or how but this very feeeel right now...
With THIE much kissing rushing yjroufn you right now now!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you'll always be missed the most loved the most I say!!!!!!!
Nothing but the best to the best ever human ever to exist on the wave of this planet I say!!!!!!!
The one and only human that just simply walked into your life and filled every blood cell in you with nothing but whole Lotta looooooooove the kinda love that doesn't change with time or doesn't change with the change itself...
That just stays queitly stays 0 expectations I say!!!!!
To think of it now now the hitchki hitting you feel to think of it now tyhse few times him messaging much after 2018 him asking what you even want from me how do you answer a question like that one charlie like how...
That too from a person who being the only one you've ever loved in your life what do you even say to that you can't not want one something one part of theirs like what do you want from me it's not just the part just the heart just that one spedicfic thing from something as simple as breathing him to just wake up to smelling their presence even much after the wakingupto too to just living him walking across the road for something to just seeing them wave back at some security guy to just living them having a conversation with some random person and it still makes your heart live that moemnt there in corner that man right there standing talking is all your heart ever wished loved lived for in life...like it makes your heart sigh that feeeeeeling I LOVE him man not when he does something very extraordinary or something very mushy towards you...just their simple existence makes you feel that feeling of falling soaking in love with them all over again doing thw the random.most thing is when you truly love them as a whole...and not just some part of theirs that you derive something out of.....it's just that most selfless form of love that you feel intensely passionately for them doing the most basic thing that still makes your heart skio a beat seatimes or seatimes makes it beat faster in a rush...
Even in those moments of him asking that question it makes you wonder in that moemnt it's not one something that I want from you that it's this or that you want that one person on the whole be it them in their good days best days and most importantly on their worst days you want them too you want to love that too live that too...like it's just not this that you want them for you want them on the whole with their everything and even their nothing's...
And the mind the night the mood feels more different now...!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
Magic in a Human Form, the mosttttttt beauuuuuutiful kind I swear!!!!!!!!!
