One flashback morning it's been right from the very start of the day today...
On some days you can just feeeeeeeeeel it in the air only this one feeeeeel of Him!!!!!!
Like you miss him on days everyday then there are days like this one since the waking up you are literally breathing him in... It just feels different lilst of moennts from corners of your mind rushing through you!!
Kinda start...!
The one THAT one thing your absolute LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!
To live him his details every lil detail bout him was like your ultimate drug...
The waaaaaaays it used to slowly transform you inside out to just live him list thing to every detail bout him absolute LOVE!!!!!!!
Like it starts from the eyes to visually live him to the way his sound of voice falls on your ear and slowly moves inside of you...like you shut your eyes for a bit to just hear him even with him on the call just bout to fall asleep or sleeping and the way him breathing on the phone used to make you feel...
It's that feeling charlie like you are not just in love with their presence or absence or their physical attributes but the way their entirety their complete existence absorbs you literally.......
That one aura over n around him even him talking to lucky or ringo now is absolute love to you!!!!!
That one place that one meet did give you another one of tjos most beautiful versions of him...
Like it's been on playing on loop every lil moemnt from Versova meet in your head as you struggle to get over that stranger in city feel this time.......
It just felt weird.....
And then there's that safe space iin your head and heart that sort of covers it away!!
It's one of those nights tonite the sound of his chuckle to the nods of his to that gentle grip of his arm around!!!!!!
This mind with this one song playing on loop!!!!!
Some sounds nai pure HIM all just HIM in everyway possible...!
It's that feeling sudden feeling realisation where you stand dhadaaaam bolke in someone's life...
Less than 5 hours in Bombay to see a place your future store if all goes well in Bombay kala ghoda!!!!
One meeting with the investor and the realtor there to see how to go about it and stuff and it had been raining that need to be at Versova but as the investor was along you couldn't somehow......in your head and heart that one feeling of anyway this is going to be home soon kinda vibe!!
Also that feeeeeel of suddenly a starnger there that one place that you loooooovethe most in life because it gave you the Versova memory of his the Versova version of him that has lasted and stayed with you all this while...
That day there that starnge feeling even though it was raining that weird wierd feel couldn't scream out and tell him you were there wanted to run to him so sooooooo bad......even as you were meeting back to back with meets that one cinstant thing on your mind to just somehow scream away and it reaches him somehow that you were there in Bombay in his Bombay!!!!!
It's a lot of money lot of planning but something's nai you are that sure of that one one place you just have to have to...
Coming back it's been super busy and hectic with going all strict right route of working on the brand with branding and marketing and stuff like learning the actual way of working this out instead of overworking yourself away.....
The first step was marketing content creation and the branding guy talks bout how important it is to create content by the designer themselves instead of just shoots like organic marketing and content creation to the store interior aesthetic and stuff....
Like it's been too much work and planning with brain literally over worked up just understanding the way of running a brand......it's a LOT !!!!!
Today finally somehow try your attempt after long and not comfortable with the photographer clicking the picture you cancel that and instead go back to the mirror thing...
Cover up the neck as much as you could but yours eyes glued on your tattoo that literally stands out the THE C...
Also something that catches enough attention from the clients enquiries as well......something's nai just that bit of extra special nai.......to another late evening back home post work and notice this MOSTTTTTTTTT loved red halo over him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that runnnn to get your mom's phone and check it was bout his work space setup...
This loooooove for his work setup since back then early morning post bup as he wanted to see you first thing in the morning soon as he wakes up and you do from his back gate as he comes to open the gate t his room holds you post some moennts and sleeps away that adooooooorably holding you......as you try to move a lil he makes that same sound holds you closer asking you not to move away from him......
To one turn of his and you get off and sit on the chair a lil away from his bed near his desk and just live him away rubbing his face against the pillow looking gorgeous sleeping too........to just look around another script of something there with the name Ria on it so you dont touch that and just look around with that feeeeeeel of his hands on his work space including a pen too...
There's something that intimate to feel to live where the hands have been especially when it's a craft something they are so passionate bout to just feel it touch it live it absorb soak away in it...
Looking back at him slowly turns to your side of the bed and that sudden expression of his as he looks around and then notices you watching him and that beauuuuuutiful stare of his still sleepy and just nods slow in a way asking you to come close ........some moennts it's been YEARS charlie and yet like his face his expression his gorgeous sleeeoy eyed stare still this very clear....
That THAT one nodddddd of his!!!!!!!!
It was all things LOOOOOVE & MADNESS I SWEAR!!!!!
Bombiiii bambaiiiiii!!!!!!
Some places!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This state of mind right nowwwwwweeeeee baaarish!!!!!!!
This one day today like the level of dislike and hatefor some days is peak level father's day being one of those...
And this one moment today with this weird feeling of the day today and to make things only worse is everybody wishing it all away on Instagram with posts al around and stay off it.....
For some wood work you had to head out and soon as you were at some lift of the building you just move forward and somebody from beside you says hey watch it and you just freeze there...
Close your eyes there you are there he is post some movie you just walking ahead or bout to enter lift or something and this guy comes too close to you almost bout to touch you or something and he holds you pulls you back to him still holding you the way he that adooooooorably screams at you saying dekke chal ne nai hota karely you couldn't see that big man walking literally into you as you were looking at him and walking ahead face eyes on Him instead...and him being all that mad at you like that was your MOSTTTTTTTTT loooooved and lived thing bout him... Cause that tone of his used to only come out when he was concerned bout you being all protective bout you or was commenting on something that dumb that you just did...
It's that feeeeel charlie when someone makes you feel that safe that cared for that protected like no matter where you are who you are surrounded by with its that one person beside you with you and you know you didn't have to care bout anybody else around......like no need to think or be cautious bout people or place around and to just know you are safe protected guarded....
Him was that place that safest zone of your life prolky the only time in your life you felt the MOST protected cared for...
His arms his presence beside with you the safest you've ever felt in your life...the MOST cared you've ever felt in life....the most feminine you've ever felt in your life literally!!!!!!
Like the father you never had never experienced the way he protected you the love you never knew the care you never felt the safest the most loved you've ever felt in Life...
In that moemnt today that watch it for somebody else not for you but the way that moment that sound holds you makes you live feel that very moment close your eyes and live him there instead was almost magical...cause you could literally hear the sound same sound of his voice in that very moment from that moment...
To just sometime back when you notice him updating his dp on WhatsApp to this previous beauuuuuutiful one of his but no daaadi.......
Him that face that smile it's this feeeeel this beauuuty of seen pictures that missing they come along with.....that feeling of visuals older pictures that you've missed him in ways with to visually live it again brings back the ways of missing him kinda vibe...
Visuals pictures this beauuuuuuty they hold like living breathing form of memories like you see it and you are literally reliving that very version of missing again reliving that very feeling very moment all over again...
A literal Youday again...!
A very literal one today!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaays sings to your heart away and howeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The start of this the start of charlie years back was all becaude you couldn't hold the missing him all in you and just had to get it out somewhere cause you couldn't tell him how much you love him miss him want to be with him and this somehow this very habit of writing it all out did become your safe space your lil hideout to write away everything HIM!!!!!
Missing him too much can't tell him write out feeling the loooove for him too much write out dream bout him write out relive a memory of his walking down some random street of him write out anything him slightest of him to rushest of him write out cause you couldn't tell him!!!!!
Lil did you know this one small habit day after day month after month now years will eventually become your solid space to write all out to get this missing out and also end up missing him all the more after writing out and still to just do...this beautiful need to read your mind out high on him missing him living him away with sounds places and visuals and only make it that much more beauuuuuutifully worse post wrijng it out...
Even now as one eye is almost shutting with deep sleep this very need to write this present state of mind and heart right now!!
It's been a very long and tiring day setting up the store from literally and manually working on the racks wit raw rustic wood with your own hands to finally liking what you just created it's been an almost good day as you stood there watching the vision come to life bit by bit...
To coming home very late gin litchi juice with tonssss of ice has become your ultimate fav most combo to chill with rhye playing working on some accents for corners wit sktehxes and notice this one movie title on Netflix new addition voicemail something.....u strictly very hardly strictly stay miles away from mush movies feely movies and tonight just this need to......and the waaaaaay it feels like a bit of your journey with charlie.......where sometimes some nights high on gin it for that very slightest moemnt has indeed felt like you were chatting away with him bout your day or something very random too...is also when you did knowingly decide to quit writing...
Cause it somehow was blurring away recently memories of him and you didn't want that you still want to feel this like right now mind is max sleepy and yet shutting your eyes in this very instant and there he is under your apartment close to his car standing there in his striped wire and blue shirt waving at you a flying kiss just before he gets in the car pouting his lips away as he blows the flying kiss with that one smileeeeeeee!!!!!
That one smile the absolute heart and soul of your life for life...
With his ringo account recently public again his red tee video as he says howleeee your heart every single time as you hear him say it hear him the sound of his voice that visual of him smiliiiiiiiiing that one magical smile of his......
He is a walking form of pure loooooooooove in chaddis I swear the love the heart the sound the life of your life I swear...
Like everytime you see a video of his there goes my heart in chaddis right from the very first time the loooove of your life in chaddis!!!!!!!
It's these lil things that makes your heart smile deeeep I say with Versova pinned away on his profile this very moment from the movie sexy chipmunk like this whole vibe of tonight even wrijfn away with one eye open right now.........
Some movies nai beyond logics though most some few bits were complete non logical but the main story line did bring the charlie along with this need to write this moment of magic today...
Just had to...
It's been one of those days toooootally him highd on him and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some tracks right in the middle of working on rack designs and sketches at home with a glass of white wine in teh day for the first time cause it's that kinda lazy chilled out day after very long at home...
And yet working and this new artist find as you are in the middle of researching and sketching for custom designed racks first few sips first sound beat of the track makes you literally makes you close your eyes in that very moment...
There's him right there emerging from the clouds of smoke around his face amidst the smoke from Versova meet that first second of him giving you that mouth to mouth inhale of his spy beedi and as you move a lil away to look at him that state of mind flying high YOUR ultimate most loved thing human place face on this planet right there amidst the smoke that state that moment PURE LOVE AND ULTIMATE MAX PEAK OF BLISS I say!!!!!
Today this very moment righr there the first sound of this track by this artist and to feeeeeeeeeel him like this right now in this very moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS HEART of yours right now!!!!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only how oblyyyyyy you are being missed abhiiiii k abhiiiii if he only knew I swear!!!!!!!!
This moment this mind this heart this you right nowwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!
Some moments of happiness the red halo over him on a Youday hits different on many different levels I say!!!!!
Too many reasons for this widest smile possible all reasons leading to HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Waking ups like these when you somehow managed to live him even after the waking up too!!!!!!!!
Kittuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
PURE POOOOOOOORA HEART & LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!!
Something's can never explain reason out why they make you feel the way you do!!
Joining this same floor gym as much as close by access it was you weren't really feeling it the crowd the space...this one guy actyally comes over to the store after knowing post gym that's where you were at introducing and stuff and somehow the place wasn't the vibe....
Like you just couldn't and once you got back to the routine as it's been long post the arm surgery getting back to the routine felt super good......also this one thing on your mind knowing soon you'll be in his city few months and you just wanted to be on the routine just incase by any chance somehow you come across him HIGH HOPES bit again one of those things just can't help but wish hope...
Couldn't sleep turning switching sides and you finally be up at around 5:30 something and get off to come on the mat and the best decision I swear the music your space the vibe moving stretching dancing strength training after LONGEST gap ever...to those movements that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like it just made you super happy feeling yourself feeling him away like all that routine getting back...
That one feeeeeeeeeel to just close your eyes as you move and stretch with Enrique playing to feeeeel him away!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It just felt SO goooood!!!!!!!
Been a very good morning start to the day already...!
It still all is this very clear also cause it was the first and only time you got to live that many versions some new some old ones back again that one day...
Where soon as he goes back to his side of the couch and then looks you in the eye and mentions bout him having to leave for a meeting by 4 like that was your deadline with him for that meet kinda announcement it felt like...
That one isntant fataaaaaak pull and you literally go up to him and sit down like there was this coffee table behind you with his laptop and him on the low couch seating thing and you sit down on the floor space close to him on his feet almost ...
And you gently slowly raise your arms and in Ishara asking him permission if you could touch him and the way he shuts his eyes leans a lil forward towards you and you touch his hair and he opens his eyes surprised smiling chuckling away as you set his hairstyle the way he leans a more almost locking you away with his legs in between his legs closer to him...you do that Johnny Bravo hairdo and he lets you the second you are done you try to take a look how gorgeoysssssssss he looked in that knit thing cause you'd never seen him wear anything like that ever before even that color nkevr on him and the waaaaaaaaaay he looked that beauuuuuutiful in that!!!!!
He messes up that hairdo and leans a lil more for you to do it again and you do the same and he again waist for you to check it out and then messes it up again like it goes on for 2-3 times as much as you remember to that final time his face all of him that closest to you and this time he just looks you in the eye as you raise your arms and instead of his hair this time the way he slowly lifts his arms just a lil bit and that rusggggggg in you to just hold him and the second you do the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he holds you back tighter closer to him that second always used to be your melt away point wooooooosh bolke.........
Like he tightly holds you back and this one second you wanted to look at him again and move back a lil and he immeeeediately comes closer nose chummies your face away just like he used to back then after ages that very same feeeeeeeeeeeeelingof his kiss that way even as you write now there are some scents in your life charlie no longer how long it's been since lived that smelled that you can still smell it even after years.......shutting your eyes away one sniff and that scent of him on your nose same beautiful scent of him on your nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That one meet!!!!!!
In a different city seeing him meeting him being with him like you were used to being with him all alone in his previous house to dd house too but this since the very start felt that different that beautifuk that intense somehow...
That soon as you enter is Versova house you look yaha waha and the way u keep asking him random things bout stuff around his apartment on the fridge some Bhagwan there some Beatle thing on the table without looking at him and the waaaaay he could just sense every nerve if you even from a distance like he knew you inside out even from a distance like know understand what exactly you are feeling in that very moment just know ...
And he chuckles away plays some music to ease you on his laptop and asks you to sit first on the couch next to his...
And finally you do and look at him him with that one smiiiiiiiile on him knowing what and how you were feeling on the inside...starts to look for something on his laptop saying let's watch something talks bout his current work project and stuff with when it's going to be telecasted and stuff his then project something by humtum to be on TV soon stuff......and then suddenly moves the laptop away after selecting some song and playing it and then straight away comes to you lays his head over your lap and that sudden feeeeeeel of losing your breath like for that moemntwhen your breath pauses for the most beautiful moemnt out of that sudden lot of happiness like to see him that way with you on your lap after years like he used to back then in Opera....
And you just run your fingers through his hair and the way he pushes his head against your tummy finding that one comfort spot and then holds your by your waist and snugs up a lil more and allthroufb those few mins your heart your soul your mind everything yn you goes numb like all you could sense feel see touch think or move or anything at all was just him...that visual of him in that very moment still this clear like that one creamish oatmeal color almost knit type of softest thing he was wearing with those khaki long chaddi his head on your lap movingagainst your tummy him holding you closest.......
Some visuals nai!!!!!!!!!
Right from that start to having to head out for some more interior work and then evening dinner out with mom and a friend and this need to wear this black kurti that you had designed for yourself that was similar to his pathani set that you had done for him but still with you.....
It's that feeeeel of him in your head charlie that again felt like back in time...
His black kurti with silver jewellery the way he liked it on you with lot of Kajal like you used to back then and the second you step out your mom first thing you dressed up today like this after years like u used to back then...
It's that whole himcoming from this morning those glimpses and sounds of him that one big moooood you already were in...
Just outside the restaurant in the car as your driver flashes the light on the car in the front the guy kissing the nose of the girl and bas khalaaas it was like sealed the whole missing him you were already struggling to deal with...
You literally struggled to keep a straight face on cause suddenly all those nose smooches were rushing through you like you could all you could smell sniff feel think imagine miss was him his face in that zoomed up version rushing through you including the scent and feeeel of his daaaadi on your lips it was that much suddenly rushing in you.....
Now coming back home a lil high on the wine on the couch play this one sonh on loop and galti se fall asleep and there you were agaubib that very moment from Versova his face that close to yours his hair in your hand and that one point where you literally sniff your hand to feel that scent of his hair and actually wake up still sniffing your hand away...
This feeeeweeeeeeeel of today to just feel that feel slightest of feel that he does remember you whatever it was even for a second to this morning himcoming in your ultimate favblack to those moments through the day it's been one day........
One full Him highddddddddddaway kinda Youday it's been today...!
Saving it away after very very long time!!
Some days you just donno it's like it's in the air and it always happens max on a Sunday Youday like this one today!!!!!
Like right from the start this one night of mix himcomings in different versions and you were up as early as 5-6am just walking around the house with his music playing like a slow start to see bit inside there was this rush of him......THAT level of rush of him cause he was he felt that real him talking him arually talking to you that closeness of him his hands his skin the scent of him every bit of him felt that THAAAAT real like you actually met him it was thaaaaaat level real all of it all of him!!!!
It's that beautiful restlessness you wake up with that rush in you that hiiiiigh on him like you just couldn't handle it all rushing inside of you...it's that feeeeeeel same feeeeel of him standing from a distance and you are on this corner and just one look of him that rush in you that runnnnn in you to just runnnn to him and melt away kinda feel kinda rush this morning you wake up with...
It also had that same moment exact moemnt of you sitting down close to him like him on bed or something it was and you were sitting down on the floor space trying to reach out to him to hold him exact same moemnt from the Versova meet...
Like it was too many of him and that left toooo much rush in you like you were so high on him you couldn't sit stay calm stay in one place stand or sleep back in one place kinda rush......like how could he possibly be that close to you seconds back and now can't find him kinda vibe like you soooooooooooo baaaaaaadly wanted to touch hold feel him again that beautiful ache almost on your fingertips to touch him again in that very moment mixed with a whole Lotta rush to just hold him touch him feel him again........
Lil moments of absolute joy like this...
Anywhere you spot anything cloud a bark of a tree the moon a strange curve in the coffee anything at all that forms a C brings a smile on your face...cause he just rushed through you!!
It's things like these you can't possibly define or reason out the why's or the how's it just is...it just does something to you beyond words and logics...
Painting work on at the studio and this granite top against the wall just when you were bout to step out notice it and that instant HIM!!!!!!
Click a pic post the pic and the grass hopper notices the story although he has one proper girl gang going on on that account also why stopped seeing that spy account of his or more like spying on that spy account of his...
But some lil moments of Khushi when you've been missing him that level lately just for him to see it's like you still exist kinda vibe that he still somehow does remember you exist still...something's nai beyond logics!!!!!!
Absolutely BEYOND!!!!!!!!
This morning up early to work early and thus one smile on ayyyaaaa this one different sprakle in the eyes this one smile feels different the playlist feels different...one lil anything him absolutely anything him still does make you glow differently even years after...
HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some words out of nowhere and this beautifully insync with the mood you already have been in last 2-3 days…
THE one track that sums everything up bout your moments and memories with him at Opera it has HAS to be this one track moments in love and HOWEEEE!!!!!!
Like you intentionally make sure to rarely very rarely give this a listen and right now in this moemnt teary eyed goosebumps on the skin is exactly the reason why you avoid listening to this one mainly...
And tonight just felt the need to after a very long time, THIS feeeeeeeling that you are feeling right now eyes shut lights out this one track playing on loop now and you are back there in Opera in his car and him right there just before turning the car speakers out just so the lights go out that one stare of his that one moemnt of him looking you in the eye and that one smile that one moemnt before living the rush of love that one moment still this clear right now as you relive it now... to relive him to relive his details including his touch scent of him the waaaaaay his arms used to feel around you wrap you all with him any to every lil detail of him right now rushing through you!!!!!!!
HIM just HIM the sound the beat the soul the life and heart of your life I say...!
TBIS NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
With a gym right next to your studio one week into it and today after decade using gloves for weight training and this immediaaaaaaaaaaate feeeeeeeeeel when you put on the gloves... HIM!!!!!!!
Him forcing you to use gloves for weight training and giving you his gloves one very adorably chewed out by lucky and still insisting you use it...also mentioning away how he really liked the pinkness and softness of your palms after shaking hands with you the first time...
That too still as friends him introducing you to the world of doing weights with gloves on instead of blistering the palm away.....showing you his big blisters on palm and saying how much he loved his hands that way more rugged and to peal the dry skin off the blisters but not on you...
Today standing there watching yourself in the mirror with the gloves on and missing him away reliving him away from those moments at the gym...
Eyes still searching for him in corners of the gym!!!!
Strange are the ways of the heart I say even after years decade it's been...!
It's one of those nights!!
Waking upto THAT much him and this feeeeeel now working on some interior thing!!
Truly truly moments like these where your absolute happiness lies in...
Finally your first ever proper commercial store that you signed few days back and now working on interiors and stuff it comes to this one dream that one himcoming and this feeeeeel it overloads you with is beyond everything...
This mind today and this level of missing him away...!
Like you are happy excited with the store and related stuff but it's that feeeeel charlie like there's happiness and there's that absolute level of Khushi that makes you that happy that you actually feel crazy happy like crazily insanely happy kinda Khushi that was your this morning when you wake up from that dream of his...
Things moments that always make you re realise certain things time and again...
Someone means that much to you means the world away but it also is not necessary that you meant the same way for them too...and strangely somehow that fact doesn't change your way of loving them...
Even with time, it somehow doesn't change a thing for your love and loving them...!
To back to now that you are working at, saving the first few moments away of your commercial store FINALLY!!!!!
Sunday mornings like these !!!!!
A sleep full of him a waking up to your most looooved red halo over him.....a race thing but something's you can never really understand thewaaaaays they can make you happy away!!!!!!
It's just been such a moooood today!!!!!
A day full of toooo much missing with all the plannings on hold for just today it's been suchaaaaaaaaaaaa beauuutoful himday today...
This level of missing today...now this hour of his Fink playing in your ears a glass of icey gin lights dim working on some designs this mooood this state of mind with the strings playing...
The drives the first time feeeeeeeling him away with just your eyes... Fink does this every single time!!!!!!!
The waaaaaaaaaaaaays it brings back those initial days of drowning in love with him without even realising it...
Like he moves around the gym you loooooived watching him he would sit down on the steps before the store below the gym with his car door open just sitting there and you waiting outside for the auto, sometimes skipping the auto stopping by too, cause you just loooooived living him away... Him on phone sometimes sometimes just looking at something sitting there alone on the steps...
And that one pull that one wait that one hold to just be there and live him away to the sound of fink playing in his car...to those late night calls with him with same fink playing in the background in his room...
Even that day first time in his house and then upstairs and he runs to his room and playsfink on his desktop and comes out smiling away and you show in Ishara from listening to it on his phone call to actually being in his place and listening there in his presence....
It's the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the feeeeeels the mind would sync that beauuuuuutifully without having to say a word...
Singmiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the absolute the complete COMPLETE heart n soul of your LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
The sound and beat of teddy swims just made HIM rush flow swim through you and howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!
Whatttaaaaaaaaa accidental his kinda psssssydelic sound find this has been THIS him rush right through you nowwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!
Dancing flowing moving missing him away in a room with no lights!!!!!!!
That one second of happiness in the morning seeing your most loved red cirle circling away!!!!
It’s some moments nai only when you live them do you realise how much these lil things do really matter and make that big of a difference to you…
It’s only when you live them do you realise the importance of it…
Priorities…!
One of those days when you miss him beyooond normalcy and too many isharas of random events through the day connecting the missing and that beautifully worsening the missing away...
Been one of those days of missing today waaaaaay beyond your everyday missing him...
July 26 concert in his Versova of all artists had to be Niladri and you just cantttttttt wait!!!!!!!
Some days nai!!!!!!!!! That one wait to live some moemnt of his some thing anything on his story doesn't happen been too long...
Right from the very start today...!
Of all the moemnts something as random as that moment with his back facing towards trying to feed you something has made your heart this THIS happy right now......
Just to live that closeness of his after years that way the way it brings back that chocolate room memory with him...
His usual love to make you get something he loved he takes you to this place with his sister in the front with him and you were sitting right behind him...and this chicken something he orders for and there was a specif way of eating it and he turns and takes your foil plate thing and shows you how to eat and then opens his mouth asking you to open yours and feeds you and then watches your expression cause you loved it and then suddenly realises his sister's presence as you ask him to feed her too in Ishara soon after brings his one hand from the side feeling your feet away and then holds your hand for a bit and looks at you through the rear view...
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa one thing to the other this heart right now how HOWWWWWWWWEEEEEEE much love did he absolutely filled you up with nai!!!!!!!
This one sudden feeeeel right now THAAAAAAAAT much love he completely filled you up with lasting for all these years now...to a night for a night like this one too!!!!!!
This heart this feeeeeeeeel this missing this LOOOOOVE for him right now!!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
This missing!!!!!!!!
He was that close THAAAAAAAAT close just mins ago!!!!!!!
His hand his back his arms his entire presence that THAT close to you!!!!!!
Sound of his voice still this very clear talking something away!!!!!!!!!!!
This one feeeeeeeeeel right now of the 2009 like in your mind right now you are back there in that very moment living his love for you away and howwwwweeee!!!!!!
He used to love you THAT MUCH!!!!!!!!!!
On nights like these with a missing like this sometimes it all still feels like one of the most beauuuuuutiful dreams of your life I swear!!!!!!!
There are moments and then there are string moments like these where the sound of him talking to you made you feel like you were back in 2009 same phone calls that tone of his voice still this clear ayyaaaaaaaaa even as you write now shut your eyes to relive that voice of his and it's still this clwar.........
His back that close to your face like you could literally holdddd him away that THQT close to you.......that close to your face in that moemnt......
Ayyqqaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind right now soooo high soooooooooooo high on him!!!!!!!!!!!
A moment like this one after years!!!!!!
Not sure what why was this even!!!!!
Working on some designs you fall asleep on the couch itself.....and this sound of him like literally in your ears that close all you could hear was him talking whispering for really long and you keep replying hmmhmm like he was talking something and nwvore you even make sense of it him in this white and blue big bold plaid shirt not his purana one this was different close to his dining table and you are sitting there......and with his back towards you that close to your face he feeds something in your mouth with his hands and itbws something not sure but you just hold his hand and just live the details of his hand away and the way he still was talking something to somebody before him and you holding his hand adoring him away......to that second when he tries to hold your lips with his hand and you wake up now with your own hand on your lips.......
Even seconds after the waking up you somehow could still hear him talk something like literally chatting away with you it's that state charloe where you are still in sleep still in that zone of that moemnt and trying to make sense of the change around like where is he now he was right here kind moment it was......
Him looking gorgeoyssssssssssssss even peeche se like you couldn't see his face but his back his arms his hand iin yours that same tone of his voice from back then the way he usee to talk to you......
That very same tone of his voice after yearssssssss!!!!!!!
Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this state of you right right nowwwwww!!!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
At his place his ramantapur one one of those post bup meets in his fav kurta on you the wakeup sid one...
This one moment just before getting ready to leave him sitting on the couch as you tie your hair back in a ponytail one look through the mirror him still watching you...and the way his arms move as you look at him through the mirror that instant pulllllllll and walk back towards him...the way his body moves and you slowly sit over his lap with arms around him for the first time that way...holding him that way sitting on his lap for the first time.......him looking you in the eye that beauuutifully that one beauuuuuutiful longing in his eyes in that one state of his and the waaaaay he takes the hair tie off your hair and runs his fingers through your hair opening it back again...
That one feeeeeeeeeel same from those drives with him his hand in your hair as you sleep on his lap....
This one sound that one memory to the other memory...
It's in those very moemnts one after the other he did become your most beautiful Home...
He did become the Home of your heart and soul...!
This one sound on loop and the way it's bringing back that one memory from his room one of those first times yet again...
Some days some sounds some memories and this feel this you it has transformed in and HOWEE!!!!!!!!
Some sounds nai bassssssss hits differently!!!!!!
Like you just wanna spend the night admiring him away living him away writing him away just to live the whole feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of loving him away…
This usual topic argument with mom and head out for the first coffee at this new place all by yourself and this artist track plays Shazam it away and it was a local artist one song after the other here you are back home now laying in bed just listening to this one unplugged version on loop not a single word understood and yet a zillion feeeeels and moments of him relived again……right here in this very moment!!!!
Some sounds nai this WHOLE VIBE THEY CARRY!!!!!!!
This beauuuuuuutiful missing right now!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaa one gorgeous GORGEOUS human I say!!!!!!!
It was a very very different need yesterday last night to this very moment right now……in sleep almsot and this sudden sound of his voice and that same need same strong need like last night to just talk to him to just hear the sound of his voice…to hear him to just speak all out to him!!!!!
This very VERY strong need after years like there’s everyday missing and this ones this strong after long to just speak to him hear him talk breathe any sound just to hear him to speak anything to everything him…….
Like can’t stress enough how strong this urge feels like since yesterday even seconds back now too like maybe it was him in sleep right here sometime back saying something and now this same strong need to hear him for real right now!!!!!!!
And still in sleep get on your mail account to read any text of his and this one from march 2018 and this feeeeeeeeel cause it’s not his texts you read you literally hear him in his voice say those things to you……like you could literally hear him say those things to you and not just read them…
This very feeeeeeling been feeling very differently since yesterday…
Singaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you only knew!!!!!!!!!
Some moments that one dream always to see his name on his work credits!!!!!
Right from that evening at opera when he shares that with you it's always been your dream too...
His recent work mind blowing the color tone of the ad the crispness of the edit the sound throughout the video his hands on his work HIS MIND in his work some moments nai pure love.......not just for his work but to just imagine his way of doing that work that version of him too absolute LOOOOVE I say!!!!!
It just makes your heart and soul SUPER SUPER happy and proud like one proud Momma!!!!!! Wanting badly to pat his back away kinda strong urge today apart from the other many things...
Some things nai just can't help it...! Proudest Momma lately!!!!!! His one work after the other, the other ones recently for other reasons and this one purely for the art and magic of visuals and his mind...
Like theres your work on one side which has been super stressful lately and only wish it gets a lil easier so you can have some time for yourself and then there's a moment like this of HIS work that becomes your ultimate source of happiness and pride I swear...
To that need to save his work on Youtube and you search everywhere possible don't find it and just watch it over again on his repost!!
From that looooooove for his photography to his work being featured on Nikon one longest journey of wishes I swear...
It's always ALWAYS the lilst of things that can make you love someone BIG!!!!!
One corner of a memory of His and still thus level of love right now for him!!!!!!!!
Like it feels like he was just here yesterday and not so long ago...
One lilst second of a memory of his out of nowhere now while editing and this sudden shift of the mind now to all things Him...
Him and his way of love his way of his entire being for that matter...!
Always the lil things!!
It’s been one of those mornings waking up to him looking for him sniffing away your pillow and still being able to find him there and then the search out again to find him somewhere…
To coming back home late from work playing new music and here you are missing him this baaaaaadly again…….
Some days nai right from the start very start had HIM written all over today was one of those days, yet again…
And then to find music like this and the whole lyrics you don’t get but this one like I’m alive when he is in my veins by your ultimate fav two feet him artist ansolutely…
Is all you could make sense of and some words nai like they literally scream out the story of your life I say…
This mind right now playing him every lil visual of him with every lyrics and beat of the songs…
One of those days, one of those nights…!
Working on this reel now this one moment from the shoot...
After a lot of finalising cancelling selected this particular model and the very first click and picture out on the monitor that one sinking feeling because of her dead expression...
The Photographer even mentions the same thing discuss with the makeup person if something can be done with her makeup to enhance the overall look of the visual and they all mention the same thing it's her...
Somehow manage with the first two outfits then play some Bhansali tracks doesn't work too then after a few shots walk upto her and ask her if she has a boyfriend and she nods saying a yes and then tell her imagine it's your boyfriend behind the camera and not the photographer and he is looking at you through the lens feel it and then look into the camera......
Done back to the monitor and then again same thing happens again walk upto to her asking her to feel his gaze like he is lost in you and looking at you as you were explaing that there was him in the monitor Skype call with him and how just that one look used to make you feel and you show her to give the expression like that with her shoulders more relaxed and move softly looking into the camera and you come back to monitor again.....the photograer tells you she is not getting that adaaa that you have ignore as the photographer sitting and taking the shots too did to an extent irritate you as wasn't exploring angles with movement being a new guy....
To back to the shot and again fails in giving any expression and as you go back to her to explain how bad the frames were looking without any expression and why wasn't the boyfriend idea wasn't working and she tells you he never loooks at me that way that makes me feel things away...
And for the first time that day you actually smile away that very instant and walk back to the monitor...
In that very instant that very second a zillion a godzilluoj moments of him just looking you in the eye and working his magic rush rushhhhhhhh through you....
Be it that very first time he looks up at you whilst walking on the tiles in the gym that stare to the mirror stare in the gym for the first time that long and being held by him for the very first time without him holding you even....
Like you couldn't move blink or look away that kind of being held by him...
To the zillion other moments from across the mall or in his car the second you get in the way he would just look at you and something in his eyes always would change like that slight hint of sparkle like tingggg in his eyes in a second and that smile after...
Like from that moment you just had a smile glued on your face with him rushing through you all through the shoot with his beauuuuuutiful stares from his big eyes...
And that somehow comforted the model in some way thinking you were smiling away looking at the monitor and she tells you this and it works with few good shots...
Even when showing something for reels to move to show her how to move and she asks you bout your partner saying you smile differently like you are thinking bout something and showing the moves...
It's that feeeeeeeeel charlie like one strong gush of the wind he just rushed through you and like always you are never the same after...it's that touch of him that transforms you away and how even from a distance...
Some moments nai it's like you are literally walkijg towards that moemnt from back then and not the actual reality scene happening before you...
It's that beaaaaaautiful shift suddenly inside outside all around you - the HIM shift...!
Just weeks back or something this one dispatch time and the staff says the address out loud with the client name and that one place ayyyaaaaaaaa it was DD colony...
U ask her to take care of the others and take thus one to the office and write down the address yourself playing his Fink on the side...
Lil did you know back in 2015 lil did you know nai that very meet him in his psychedelic black t shirt from the gym days hide n seek bjsucits to banana chips around every snack from those evening strolls with him around your Galli or in his car evening snack dates...
That day scattered around his apartment like traces of these memories with him from back then as you look around and that feeeeeel he hasn't changed a bit...to that very moment of having to leave and that feeeeeel as you literally walk ulta with face towards him living him away till the stair turning like making the most of his presence making the most of living every bit of him as much as you could...cause he that day had called uber auto thing for you that day and it was waiting down and you couldn't have stayed back any longer and you remember saying something to him from the stairs off all the days tujhe aaj he bulake rakhna tha isko and him chuckling away that adooooorably.....as he still waits at the door while you getting mad at him as you walk down the stairs...
That day writing down that clients address that feeeel inside isko tho mein jaake order deliver Karti kinda state of mind... But that feeeeeeeel of some places even as you write down the name of the place DD colony...
Even relivifnit now this feeeeel again...
Lil did you know then...!
It takes that one visual just that one visual and it's like the mind all of you in that memory loop dreams and reality too...
Him with the background of the sea and standing at his Versova fence waiting for him to come out and take you inside his house it's that sound of the waves crashing by and that first sound of him whatsaaaapppp that one feeeeeeeeel to just waiting for him......that's baaaaaadly waiting for him to ask you to stay back even that last second as you step out of his house along with him that wait in you that self talk inside pls ask me to stay back pls pls and finally leaving...
To the many dreams of him and a boy lil boy running around a huge beautiful tree that one dream on repeat for years and eventually somehow never happened dreamt again the same dream with years passing by...
That one visual of him even at the back side profile one tiny second looking his absolute looooooove best with that gorgeousness of his daaaaaadi the heart of yours right on his face holding his friends kids hand and that feeeeeeling of absolute madness when from that building of his ka watchman to his sister to his ringo to that lil boy wanting to be any of those just soooo.......just soooooo you could be closer to him...holding your hand walking to the beach!!!!!!
Some visuals nai bring out that level of missing like almost awakens that side of missing out of nowhere!!!!!
Like there's that everyday missing him and then there's a missing like this THIS one...
Working on reels and the mind keeps going back to that one visual of him holding the hand that adooooooorably walking towards the beach...
Something's nai!!!!!!!!!!
THE absolute heart and soul of your eyes and life I sayyyyy!!!!!!!
THAT ONE VIEWWWWWW so seee him live him with the view of the sea at the back this feeeeeeeeeel right now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one girgeoussssssssss of a human I swear!!!!!!!
This need right now to runnnnnnnn MN to him abhiiii k abhiiiiii!!!!!!!!
That one wish to wake up to his presence at the window to the sound of the sea as the bg music......of the zilluon other wishes!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwww only you were missed abhiiii k abhiiiiii this very second!!!!!!
Sea ocean any visual of a water body with this gorgeous boy has to be Versova!!!!!!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaa singaaaaaa!!!!!!
Working on reels now, this one strongfeeeeeeel if there’s any other sound apart from Niladri that strings away this you in him, it has to be this recent found artist and of all the tracks this one manase…
It’s like from start to the end bit of the sound is all HIM…
The waaaaaaaays this brings out awakens the missing him in you this one sound is beyond words n logic…
Every lil glimpse visual sound of him from his chuckles to the sound of him sleep breathing on the calls every lil blink wink smile nod of his everything to anything him this one sound Manase is all HIM!!!!!!!
The waaaaaaaaaays it makes your heart and soul , live and miss him is beyond everything else…!
Miyaaaaaa the ways you are missed every single second of every single day I swear if he only knew!!!!!!!
Apart from the zillion changes at work recently including Zardozi master change that changed your entire shoot plan schedule ahead can’t wait for July august when you’ve decided to take a 2-3 months break first ever break from work and solo travel Bombay Goa…
Both the places Him, his plans of you and him in Goa to having dreamed many dreams away picturing him in goa waking upto a visual of overlooking the beach and him at the window to the Versova the fav most place for you…
It’s this feel now working back to back can’t wait for the time ahead…
Like you just want to need to live those places where you’ve pictured him in your head for over zillion times all these years to just LIVE HIM!!!!!!
This one sound on loop this one missing him on loop the waaaays it’s making you miss him…
The sound of his voice right now with the sound of this music…!
Some dates every year hit differently!!
Holi being one of those dates on the calendar...
Too many memories too many versions of him lived that day too many moemnts shared and first time lived...
From the shower in his bathroom to wearing his clothes to that moemnt before the mirror in his wardrobe standing beside him as he holds you closer checks you out and that big smile on him beauuuuuutiful smile on him HOW happy he looked seeing your reflection with him in the mirror...
It just feels very different on some days the most beauuuuuutiful dream of your life...!
This feeel today!!!!!!!!!
This looooooove for finding music like this that feels like all of HIM!!!!!!
It's like the sound the vibe as much Kannad as you can understand as it sounds similar to tullu the words this viiiiiibe of him...
Working on content reels grid work font work picture work like there's that load of work to sitting now final selection of the images to send for retouching this sound this one sound and you are just smiling away akele akele nodding away reliving him with the sound...
Holi just days away one of those days with him again one of those firsts too...
He has gone too far suddenly if you think on some dayslike these...like you try your best to drown yourself in work and then there are days like these sounds like these and this feeeel of being held by your wrist and taken to this world of all things to every lil thing just HIM......
Your ultimate HAPPIEST place of your life - HIM!!!!!!
The life and soul of your life...!
Edit nights like these are prolly the best from all the waking up very recently!!
This beautifully quiet and his music playing this very feeeeeeel of him with every track like your mind still editing fonting away and this feel of him with his music like this...
This missing!!!!!!!!
The sound of Nusrat and this feeeeeeeeel of him...!
Working on the shoot bits and checking for Inspo and thia one image of his track Tama Mali from years back and you actually took a screenshot of the YouTube track just so you don't forget and now years after find it like this in one album of his on your phone...
Some moments nai like this it's that vibe of that time meeting him post bup in breaks and this one track he had posted back then on FB...
Some sounds just like that brings back that time of your life THE most loved one...
To just realised this every single time how close he was like almost one hand distance away kinda close from you...!
Some days and dates on calendar, the nostalgia hits slams differently!!!!
Like there's an everyday missing and then there's a special day or days this time that hits differently...
Yesterday and today are one of those kinda dates & days...
Sooo many memories soooooooooo much him and his different beauuuuuutiful versions through these days...
This day every year just feels differently, the fasting the missing this feeeeeel inside out this day every year!!!!!
Singaaaaaa!!!!!!!
It just does things and ever since then can’t think straight I say!!!!!
Waking up with your coffee now looking out shutting your eyes for a bit and him again this very moment some visuals nai stringggggggggg your heart and soul away and HOWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Some visuals nai brings back a zillion more moments!!!!
To see before the screen light in that story of his after YEARS tho it was some Skype call but just him editing and yet the way the screen light lights up his face in that tone him in a navy no daaadi and yet all things LOOOOVE!!!!!!!
The way that one visual transformed this mind of yours in an instant a zillion memories from those Skype calls just living him adooooooring him falling in love all over again every single time to finding these beauties lately on your mail…Skype call screenshots that you’d mailed him years back then with him doing these smoke rings in the pictures just cause the way it amazes you away and makes you happy..
Seeing the same after years same same feeeeeeeel I say him and the things he does AMAZED as always…
Absolute fan girl I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For life…!
From lunch being chikudkayi at work that brings back all him from that late lunch at his dd space to evening Bombay wada pav cause you lived him...
It's only when you live such moments do you realise how much how very very much his presence makes you happy and what level!!
Even be it his sideprofile like even that slightest of his presence too how truly inside happy outside happy it did make you in that very second...
Ii t was before lunch or after something this most loved red Hallo over him and the second you check itwas him editing glimpse ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that level of khushi too see him even his side profile like you really can't write out how much it made you absolutely happiest I say!!!!!
There's this strange fascination of living his work space too be it back then his writing space on the floor with sheets of script or today just to see him at work even writing out now thisbig wideeeeee smile on I say!!!!!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you were missed today...!
Like howwweeeeeeeeeeee only!!!!!!
This was definitely the most strangely beauuuuuutiful experiences of a visual and sound of music blended together into a moemnt you've ever had recently...
Sunday's are all him there's missing him every single second of your every day ever since him and his absence from your life...but sundays hit differently donno how or why they just do...
Missing him on a Sunday is another story altogether!!
Even now it's that time of the night watching Lincoln new season with this music playing after his work story of Don music this comes as a youtubemagjc the song play through time and this need to close your eyes...
Just on valentine's day it was or days before something in his car parked in your ghar ki Galli soon as you get in he pulls your face closer to chummi your eyes shut again and the way he pulls back again after that wait him still looking at you this one visual his face that close to your looking you in the eye he looks like he was laughing all that while and suddenly just stops and looks you in the eye tellimguou how intensely your close your eyes living his presence that fully... his presence meaning his chummi!!
And then points out to the street somebody standing there or some uncle in the balcony it was bout watching so he couldn't and you move with that feeeeeel of missing kissing him in that moemnt...cause it was that beautiful shift of him missing you that bad that first thing he wanted to chummi you soon as you get in to that moment of your missing livingthqt moemnt of him looking you in the eye no word no movement nothing at all just that beauuutiful silence him screaming a zillion things away without any movement or words just by looking you in the eye the way he was...
This sound of music from today to that visual of living that beauuuuty of him from that very moment his eyes his facial expression not smiling nothing and yet that beautifully all things LOVE...
Moves the car a lil ahead just checks you out smiling away keeps looking Galli after Galli and some sharp turn in some other Galli stops by and kisses you away...
That one line in between as he does you and your face of missing, he could just that beauuutifully read away your every feel thought wonder rushing through you without you ever having to tell him anything...
He just always would could even thinking bout it now years after it always ALWAYS amazes you...
How beautifully he just like that could...!
Some sounds nai just does something to your soul in inexplicable ways...you can't reason it out why it had to be just that one moment of all moemnts lived with him why it had to be this track thats not even his music...
Ever since the start of the year there have been a zillion moments where it felt like you were back in 2009 like you wer literally living a day a date from that very MOST loved year of your life also why you add his opera pic of yours crop it best and make it your dp...just so he doesn't realise it's the same one incase if he sees by any slightest chance bhi...
To this very night the track on loop mind on loop playing those list moments his car light blinking to that night of your first psy beedi experience to him bringing the Biryani for you and just living you away...
Some.nights nai feel different just very very different!!!!!!
Tonight your heart your mind your soul feels different andar se donno why or how but this very feeeel right now...
With THIE much kissing rushing yjroufn you right now now!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you'll always be missed the most loved the most I say!!!!!!!
Nothing but the best to the best ever human ever to exist on the wave of this planet I say!!!!!!!
The one and only human that just simply walked into your life and filled every blood cell in you with nothing but whole Lotta looooooooove the kinda love that doesn't change with time or doesn't change with the change itself...
That just stays queitly stays 0 expectations I say!!!!!
To think of it now now the hitchki hitting you feel to think of it now tyhse few times him messaging much after 2018 him asking what you even want from me how do you answer a question like that one charlie like how...
That too from a person who being the only one you've ever loved in your life what do you even say to that you can't not want one something one part of theirs like what do you want from me it's not just the part just the heart just that one spedicfic thing from something as simple as breathing him to just wake up to smelling their presence even much after the wakingupto too to just living him walking across the road for something to just seeing them wave back at some security guy to just living them having a conversation with some random person and it still makes your heart live that moemnt there in corner that man right there standing talking is all your heart ever wished loved lived for in life...like it makes your heart sigh that feeeeeeling I LOVE him man not when he does something very extraordinary or something very mushy towards you...just their simple existence makes you feel that feeling of falling soaking in love with them all over again doing thw the random.most thing is when you truly love them as a whole...and not just some part of theirs that you derive something out of.....it's just that most selfless form of love that you feel intensely passionately for them doing the most basic thing that still makes your heart skio a beat seatimes or seatimes makes it beat faster in a rush...
Even in those moments of him asking that question it makes you wonder in that moemnt it's not one something that I want from you that it's this or that you want that one person on the whole be it them in their good days best days and most importantly on their worst days you want them too you want to love that too live that too...like it's just not this that you want them for you want them on the whole with their everything and even their nothing's...
And the mind the night the mood feels more different now...!
Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!
Magic in a Human Form, the mosttttttt beauuuuuutiful kind I swear!!!!!!!!!
Just days back when you think you saw Rohit his cousin and as you get off the car and walking towards the store cafe his cousin checking you out and you realise ayyaaaaa it's his cousin like you just stand there and recall playing with rohit n his sister around the house running as the cousin stops for a sec and calls you vadina vadina.....back then you didn't know what it meant it was only much layer do you realise the meaning of it...
That day to just notice the kid all grown up you suddenly realised how many years have passed by like some moments nai it hits youhard and that day that moment was it all and more and you just live him all in that one second and nod away to the cousin in your head thinking kid if you only knew like the cousin doesn't realise or recognise you but that one strong feeeeeeeel and him high you come home to...
Like that one visual takes you back to all those moments when dropping you back home along with his sister him in Bangalore the kid would actually get down and come along with you till the gate to drop you all the way you keep saying it's fine it's fine and the way the kid would say nai kittu bhayya bole to take care of you in his absence...
Something's nai even as you write now this very feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him right now!!!!!!
Like you've been avoiding wrijting all this missing out since his priority post his video post with ringo cuddling away like it's those versions of him that you've lived loooooooooved the mpstest make you miss him the mostest too!!!!!
It always somehow takes you back to the gate of his house standing there with him just bout leaving inhis car his tail light blinking as he looks at you through the side rear view like just stops for that while that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel nai to hold him right there knowing somehow strangely that gut feeling knowing it could be the last time then...
To when he comes that close to your ear to whisper I don't want to but have to like even when he says that you wanted to just kiss him away in that very moment like it did feeeeel he was walking away and you just wanted to make the most of his presence for yhsow few seconds more for a lil while longer...
Even now working this one his lucky track playing mind him highd still hichki doesn't hit today aaaaj it's been all him so you take the day off and work on the pending designs......
It did change aot of plans tho like you try to hold dissolve your mind into all work but there is music then there is MUSIC that woooooosh bolke brings him along kaiseeeee bhi!!!!!!!
This weird feeling and also when the heart always always has only wished nothing but the best for him always...
This story of his of a wedding set up and this feel could be his ever since the waking up...soon as you see the story that first reaction was strangely smile away and wish only the best for him...him nai charlie deserves nothing but the best of everything in the world his heart wishes for, always!!!!!!!
That's how pure soul of a human he is....love LOVE nothing but the most beauuuuuutiful form of LOVE in a human form HIM...
When you literalllllly wake up with all night of him whispering away something that thaaaaaaaaaaaat close to your ears...just the sound of his voice all night last night!!
So much so that you wake up missing that feeeeeeeeeeeeel of his lips on your ear like something that important part of your ear missing kinda vibe...
The waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay that instant feeeeeel still on the bed as you feel your right ear missing that feeeeel of his lips there...it instantly brings back that same missing feeeeeeel soon as you get off his couch in Versova and stand there with that same missing feeeeel and just look at him......him asking you in Ishara what happened cause he could sense that lostness in you and you couldn't tell him how much how baaaaaaaaad you were missing him already...cause earlier in some meet he had strictly mentioned don't talk love or mush to me!!!!!
And you just stand there missing his leg cause all that while for few hours wrapped with him just being living him away and soon as you get up that instant feeeeeel like something that important missijg in your body kinda feel...
That sense of sudden emptiness soon as away from him cause that's how tight he was wrapped all around......not giving too many details but that feeeeeeeeeeeeel and suddenly you get up and miss that in you...looking at his face checking that lostness in you you so badly wanted to scream out and tell him on his face I missssssss you soooooo much already and you just gulp it down and nod saying nothing...
Even walking out and he stands there at the door and you ask him bahar aake chod that feel nai charlie not knowing when you'll see him next that lil walk with him him with you for few more mins you didn't want to miss...as he walks with you for that one second he comes closest like he used to earlier and slowly lifts his arm a lil up just like he used to back then showing you how to hold onto his arm and that evening too slowly lifts his arm up and then moves a lil away then looks at you just smiles away cause you were just bout to hold him that expression on him......cause that's how used to you were holding him and walking along with him...and his body too subconsciously reacts in that same way as your arms did for that one second...
Inside hoping there's no auto close-by so that few more mins with him as he looks around and you waiting for him to tell you stay back na that waiiiiit in you cause you could that clearly read it all across his face but that wait for his words the waaaaaay just the waaaaaaaaaay he keeps looking you in the eye.......finally a min or two later auto comes over getting in he takes a cigarette as he walks across the road too see his legs through the auto window...
Some visuals nai still this STILL this clear!!!!!!!
Like it all was just bout yesterday...!
Sooooooo yahhhhhhhfrom where to where only it went the same that same missing over your ear this morning cause that's how long he was right there whispering something way breathing over your ear...
Not a word you remember but now that one feeeeeeeeel of Versova takes over your mind, from his lips to his leg back from Versova!!!!!!!!
This morning already !!!!!!!! From a waking up to his Lucky Ali new track every single word of this track all HIM!!!!!!! Beh jaooooooo sangggg tere, tuuuuuuuuuu jaaaaaane hai kahaaaaa!!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only!!!!!!!!!!!
Even after having saved it on your Pinterest board this need to save it here you spend all your day most trying to figure out how to get back posting images...this level of peace right now when you are able to do so...
Some moments nai need visual to tell the complete story and give out the actual vibe of the moment asto how and what was it that you exactly felt like...
This was one of those moments of urgency I say, hichki down or not you just had to!!
Hummmaaaaa!!!!!!
The opera visual story...!
And for the whatever of God you are unable to post the image here even after trying all cookies whatever it is unable to post images this one thing about techlogoy why is it this humanly chanellnging to understand !!!!!!
At this kind of hours where pee who bhi utri understanding cookies away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa him calling you cooookiepie every single time you read cookies somewhere!!!!!
Today hicki hit too high this mind spiralling away right now so.zoom bolke......
Ok another realisation today to work on job you need 2 balls which you already have but to run a business you gotta have 10 or.mpre balls to get through I swear.....
There are days when you literally have that same vibe as a kid trying struggling to get the sock on and then gives up throwing the sock away nah not anymore kinda thing then there are days you take it as your hideout for your mind...
Cause honestly charloe if it wasn't for your work consuming you literally howelse would you possibly have survived his absence from your life...
Nai hota tha otherwise I swear never ever anybody in your life did become the ultimaye priority of your heart and soul literally!!!!
Like even on your worst most tiring late nighty work schedules there's that peace that safe hideout of your mind into all things him...
Feomovinf to new studio space to having to fix the entire roof all over again with pant and stuff it's been maddening shoots postponed store setup postponed to looking for new space and then running out of budget to your ac telling you to instead investing in property Insyead.....it's all been too too crazy for your mind to keep pace with to understand to the photographer being an absolute leechad for hiring a bigger crew to changing plans shoot schedules and your ode to the sea collection changing again...
There's only that lil a small mind can possibly work and digest no......there's way too many things it's been feeding on ab hajam nai hora...
As glam as it looks fr the outside it's an absolute 24/7 job ever since having moved here.....too many things working simultaneously you were never used to!!
Then there is the back work for the shoot styling and stuff and tgus another visual ofa woman again and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him taking that picture of you at opera and falls in love with that picture of yours......as you see and call it ugly and he calls it your most loved picture taken by him...like his ultimate fav picture of yours !!!!!
This image as you were reseacthingon pinterest the second you see it it immmmmmediately reminds you of that pic of yours he had clicked at opera...
After a rush of love post moments he moves a lil away watching you watch him as you were holding yourself away with that intensity of the moemnts and he takes his phone out and takes a picture of you...
Some moemnts nai...!
Way too many flashes of memories recently!!
With this new tend of 2016 2026 it's like one time travel mode only ever since... 1 hichki down now this mind right now...
Today has been something else this coffee meet with the stylist discussing about some her project and your outfits collaboration and you just couldn't put your mind into work with this visual of her hickey it's like this one complete rush of him through n through and she keeps checking on if you were even listening...
And this sound of him chuckling away as you force him literally to leave his color of loveo you and he mentions bout your mom noticing and you literally hold him forcing him to stamp you away...
And she was saying something and you akele akele laugh away recalling that moemnt with him it was like you were liyeralllllyin that moemnt with him...as he says terko dar nai hailook at you kya Khushi milti ki terko...to him in Versova literally Colors you away top to toe in his Colors ...
It's that joy of witnessing that in his eyes this mall in nacharam near the fly over stopping by to get some concelater as that day it was darkest on you and he stops by there...just right outside under the light he stops you there moves your collarof the kurti a lil away with his hand and that smile on him and asks you to tilt your head a lil in Ishara and then sees it again and that joy in his eyes charlow was our of this world!!!!!!!
Like nothing your seen before just the way he looked that happy seeing it on you!!!!
Today there wer zilluon more moemnts like these just flashing through you rushing through you on that very moment!!!!!!
And you finally falloff that meeting and head to the studio instead!!!!!
It's that sudden rush of him tooopppp much in you!!!!!
It's when you feel that much him you just can't be yourself with work around like you just need to be away from everything else and closer to just all things him...stay in the office with phone on silent and his music playing!!!!!
This thing about visuals one lil visual nai can do a zillion things away to your mind....!
And howwwwwwwwwweeee!!!!!!'
There is that certain level of happiness somethings as lil as this can give you on specific days mainly…
This vibe of seeing that most looooved halo over him hoping to live him and it turns out to be a anime post!!
And yet that something lil did make you that happy for a bit as it’s the Youday literally today since the very start of the day…to wake up to himcomings like these on a Sunday is pure purest form of magic I say!!
Like nothing else apart from the actual Him could possibly make you this happy, that feeeeeeeeeeel of waking up after a himcoming like that one on a Sunday who bhi…
Hayeeeeee sing miyaaaa that one of a kind I swear!!!!!!
To this recent of listening to old songs with beats like these and still working but this mind this mooooood it lands you in…places that you wanted to be, live with him that THAT BAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!
Such a mood today has been, still is…!
Zillion things godzillian changes and then there are queit moments like these when he just walks into your mind in the middle of the jam!!
This akele akele smiling away moment heart smiling on the inside too cause that's how this memory of his made you feel right right NOW...
Ways of the heart to the Sound of His Music yet again...!
Most MOST fav place in the world Habsiguda all places around tiniest of corners of Him places!!!!!
Every SINGLE time you are here this THIS you THAT him!!!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
U feeel something you feel it strongly and then you write the same thing the feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel only gets amplified on another level only like right now this feeeeeeeeeel of him with this sound this mind this you right now!!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa how absolutely luckyyyy is anybody whoever gets to live him breathe the same air as him to live him!!!!!!!
This missing right now sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's these sounds all this while stylist coming to the apartment still on call her asking to look for her call by honking and the waaaaaay you are back on your Habsiguda terrace and him driving pass by still on the call you looking down and he takes his one hand out of the window waving at you turns into the Galli and steps out looks at you and then goes back home...to with her on the bike for a drive and that feeeeeeel of sitting with him on the bike for that small drive to your mom actually discussing something bites your arm trying to irritate you and you run to your room holding your arm...
Cause in that moment it was his face his mouth his teeth that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him on your skin that you refused to share with anybody elseregradless of who!!
Close your eyes still holding your arm and reliving him from all those moments he loooooooooved doing that and then looking at you flashing his teeth off showing how sharp they were to bite...
To everytime there's some rash or mosquito something the waaaaaaaaaay it always reminds his adooooooorably way of love like post bup you met him few times in Hyderabad but the way he wouldn't leave his color of love on your skin and you literally forecyflly used to ask him to leave it on your skin just so you can live him longer with you post meeting him...like the sign of him with you to see live it and feeeeel him every time but when in Versova meet he literaaaaaalllllly signs you head to toe with all him like literally stamps you up almost like all mine... All His!!!!!
That only a day or two after you notice your entire arm some part of your leg shoulder neck andddd everywhere possible was all stamped away with color of his love and howweeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
That you actually used to sit and wonder how when did he even that many all over you it's that thing of his back then when he used to say wait terko leke chale jaata and then will have it all over you without worrying about your mom noticing them on you......years after he eventually did do that what he had planned long back then!!
Last few weeks haven't been easy like November and de ember were the most dofcult ones work wise to starting the first day of the year with pooran poli as your first meal then the news passing away of your dad...to looking for a new studio space!!!!
Like you avoided writing cause didn't wanna write in that state of mind ...it's been a rerun of the times from back then when you decide not to go for the entire thing and stay home instead...
Not a single tear charlie knowing for a fact you had the utmost love as a kid for that man it's that thing nai it's the people you least expect from are the ones that break you the most...
That man changed your life without you even understanding knowing or realising that moment when the man sat next to you asking if he did call you that day or speak to you and you didn't know what it was about till He actually calls you and tells you bout it much after...
To that call with him much after bup when he tells you how you both would've actually been together long back if it wasn't for that thing that the man did.......to this conversation with your mom after the news asking you if you would ever forgive and this is something you've asked yourself multiple times over the years nai hota charlie tried thought of it many times it's just not possible...
Anything else from your life wouldn't have affected you like this bas miyaa Ko door nai karna tha everytime you think of it think of those times from the moment he walked into your life till today that dream this morning you alone know what place He holds in your life and always will...it was like snatching away the only person place thing that made you the happiest that loved you the most like nothing else ever that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him in your life that HIM in your life that man shouldn't have!!!!!!!!
Soooooooyaaaaaaaahnot going there to that topic again soooo yah much after also what caused the delay in the work to comuruing to look for THE place for the studio...
And you see this place the owner was into some porudtcion thing name had to be Chetan Reddy ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaa the sound of his name it's like the most beautiful song to your ears everytime you hear his name it just makes you andaaaar se soooooo damn happy !!!!!!
Chetan PURE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE and ofc all thingzzzzzz looooooooooove I say!!!!!!!!
