Sunday 23 June 2019

His blue!!

soooooooooo yahhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!

you just walk slow and ask your mom to go up in the store and youll be there soon....

knowing your madness for staying away on your own and for longer in some places she lets you be without asking anything thankfully.....

just sit there for a bit on the steps reliving him there in the paking space..... the waaaaaay rains make memories all the more special.... specially in some places the beauty of the dark rainy nite sky the smell n sound of the rains with his music and him still standing there in the aprking space looking at you like he missed you for many years and then saw you that kinda longest misseeeing that you could see in him that day.... its that beauuuuuty of some moments charlie when you realize you werent the only one that did miss him suddenly that much that day.... to just see that same misseeeing in him for you that day was beyond words.....

like that one smthing you shared with him that just he knew and shares it with you, without any words or actions.... just by the waaaay he looks at you like finally he got to see you !!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!

the waaaay it also makes the rest of the sounds of the jam disappear almost cause you couldnt hear a single honk despite of the on n off jams on that lane.....

it was like just the moment with him standing there the nite sky and rains above and the him that was rushing through you with his music playing in the ears.....

once done with your moment of space get in the store with that other feeeeeel so fhim.....

the way once when he takes you there and just goes away to the chocolate section looking for smthing as you were watching the different exotic fruits there....

and soon comes over to you and asks you you like fruits so much and you just nod with excitement saying youd never seen this fruit that fruit smthing as they looked scary.....

that thinking of it now must have been dragon fruit cause the sight of it today too looks the weirdest of all !!!!!

then asks you fruits or choclate with that excitement in his voice and you just nod and point out to him instead..... that one adooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable nod back of his and holds your hand and takes you to the chocolate section and shows you this box and tells you it was his fav chocolate as a kid and then takes a pack and only in the car gives it to you... when you ask him why for you when it was his fav and the waaaaaaaaaaaay that adoooooooooooooooorably tells you he wanted you to have it cause it was his fav one as a kid.....

another moment of toooooooooo much love for him ekdum dhadaaaam se when he shares smthing of his childhood with you shares smthing with you that he most loved and wanted you to have it......

you have alwasy been more bout dairymilk or fruits kinda person..... like the only choc or hersheys cause it had this memory of your brother bringing it over but now with him that one smthing too that beauuuuuutifully transformed..... its like every memory every misseeeing in you is only for him.....

so much soo writing now this moment do you relaize how this year was the first time in all these years that you did forget your brothers death anniversary..... which later your mom reminded you of !!

first time in years !!!!!!!!

is when you know call it selfish madness or call it love......

pata nai charlie is it cause youve missed him that much like all you now miss is him....

like dates to do with him places to do with him things to do with him is all you know and can remember or relive......

it def made you feel the worst but is also smthing you cant help now..... merepe nai hai ab charlie donno what or how like you know its weird but smthing you just cant helpppppp !!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the way that day he opens the box for you and despite of it being his fav he makes you eat it first and that same adooooooooooooooorable wait on his face.....

watching you eat waiting for your reaction and just like always before you even say a word just that adooooooooooooooooooooooooorably knew by your face how much you loved it.....

nods awaaaaay that adoooooorably only after eats it.....

the way he tells you after too like his ultimate fav being dairymilk only but like this one is smthing he loved to have once in a while.... his most loved butter toffees !!!!!!!

the first thing you look for that day too and couldnt find it......

and instead found your bit of happy childhood part in a corner of books.....

when you find shikari shambu comic after ages !!!!!!!!!

pick one up with  that feeeeel his bachpan nai mila mera acha bachpan mila !!!!!!1

at the breads section and your mom sits down to have smthing an dyou on the opp side reading the comic and thi sone time she tries to offer smthing to eat you see the backdrop his shade of blue skies......

the waaaaaaaaaaay the sky looked magic against those tall trees....

like suddenly it dint even look like it was in hyd kinda scene..... whoo mountain top trees wala visual with  that beauuuuty of the blue sky.....

get off and go closer and the sec you see yourself in the glass reflection the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it takes you back to another of those most looooved moments the mirror moment....

watching him through the mirror and living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of the moment to see yourself with him to visually live yourself with him beside or smtimes ahead of you as you hold him from behind and live that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him and him instead watching your hands holding him with that smileeeeeeeeeeee on him.....

again him living your presence saving up that visual of you holding him and then watching you ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beyoooooooond magic i swear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when you see yourself standing reliving that moment in your mind and then don see him beside that weird feeeeeel.... go back to living that beuaty of the visual there and save the moment that one feeeeel of the store and that much HIM awaaaay in that one picture.....

when you relive some moments and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay it suddenly makes you realize how long it truly has been having lived that very same moment !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

been a long loooooooooooooong longest of times !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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