Mind just got ajeeber !!

uskuuu aisaaa detail mein yaaaad kiyeee thooo mind gets ajeeber i say !!!!!!

this weird missing now ekdum seeeeeeee reliivng he was that close his love that THAT close to you !!!!!!!!!!!!!

kaikuuuuuuu itttaaaaaa detail mein yaaaaad karnaa knwoing this hotaaa after !!!!!!!!

mind i tell you where to stop samaj nai ataaa kabii !!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeee tummmmmm ekdumseeeeeeee ittteeeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaad areeeee unexpectedly !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ittteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaad areeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!

abiiiiiiii thoooooooooooo uskuuuuuuuuu guskeeeeeeeee dent waliiii geeeeeeeliest chummiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaa and must knowwwwwwwwww also more importantly its from you bolkeeeee !!!!!!!!!!

like lagnaaaaaa and it must make him feeeeel ariii uneee howliiiiiiii yaaad kari bolkeee !!!!!!!!!!!

like must knowwwwwwwwww its from you bolkeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ye tuneeeeeeeee kya kiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love for nites...

when someone said you looked tired n all this thing obvsly where it was the same you before him that could would sleept at the strike of 11 in the nite.....

and its the same you nai nai a very different nd all him, you now that sort feels the most you after 11 funny nai.....

how someone just walks into your life and changes it and changes you for life, for the best !!!!!!!!!

cause thats not just someone walking in its Him walking into your life and HOW and transforming you awaaaaaaaaay and making you live the most you that youve ever been.....

its like being reintroduced to what you actually were meant to be...

guide along !!

this one quote that you found on insta that said smthing on similar lines and reading it did become your second most loved quote of life after his ofc....

that goes like the purpose of love is same as the artist to make you aware of the things that you dont see.... like they both love and art make you aware of the things in life that go unnoticed... and that includes bout your own self too !!

the moments with him even the most random ones was like the more you lived him the more you were being transformed by him into the most you that youve ever felt..... and even after in chats talkig bout smthing random too was like realizing how he did make you Him......

completely Him.....

including the sleep pattern and this love for the nites....

how would you now even care of how you looked or how well you need to sleep !!!!!!

Priority, charlie !!!!!!!!

this beauuuuuty of the nites....

to just in your room away from it all and closer to all things Him with his music playing and you writing him out.....

relivin him with every word as you write....

like all of him this beauuuuuuuuuutifully plays through you !!!!!!!!

its like these moments you feeel the most you !!!!

its like setting the actual you free at the end of the day.....

its this beautifully quiet all around and in you ......

just the sound of his music playing and him that subtly rushing breathing through you !!!!!!

kabi yaad kiye thoo lagtaa charlie.....

how lucky you truly TRULY have been !!!!!!!!!!

luckiest in the world !!!!!!!!!!!

logooo kuuu karte karteee pyar ho jaata aaj kall merkuu uskuuu deke dekeeeeeee pyaaar horaa thaa !!!!!!!!

its the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he loved you was making you love him all the more.... like he knew could see it in you the more he was loving you he could definitely see you become more him when you do smthing like him be it even standing in the lift like him or havign sprite with biryani or any meal.... and that one smileeeeeeee he would flash liek it just made him that happpy to see you like him.....

again not intention but when thats what you live the most you sort of become that.....

this thing you read somewher elong back....

the couples who are together for the longest of times like grow old together tend to start looking like each other too.....

merse saath bi woich hua, horaaaa !!

growin old same correct but even in his absence with that much THAT much Him with you you did become him....

itttaaa ki who shoulder habit uski movie wali also smthing you have now.....

when and how did this happen you still got no clue but you do the same adjust your shoulder move it the same way he used to watching movie....

when your mom actually tells you smtimes you behave like a guy and you know who that guy be !!!! :DDD

Sukoon 2 !!

the sec you are up that one state of mind you were in like it was almost noon kinda morning cause been just a few hours that you had slept for and you were still that sleepy but the sec you smell him over your hand that one weird missing alone feeeling.....

like it makes you feel all weird cause you couldnt find him around....

rush out of your room and your mom was sitting out over the fone with someone and you sleep on her lap....

she hangs up the call asking if you were okay n all and you just adjust and try to sleep over her lap.... a few secs or mins it was... and you get off saying whoo same sukoon walii feeel nai arri.....

and get off back to your room.....

only much after waking up do you realize what you did and said......

your mom asking what you were talking bout same sukoon that same body palm moment i say kidar jaake chupppu wali feeeeeeel......

ignore the talk away....

but that one feeeeeeeeeel stays......

he did make you all His and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that one sukooooooooooooooon with and over him......

like nothing else in the world....

there was that looooooooooove in his loooooooove charlie that wasnt just whoo love love wala love or hmm wala love.....

like there were those beauuuutiful versions of it....

on days he would hold you in the hmmmmmst way and you knoowww can feeeel its the hmm love and on daaaaaays just when you were lost on that fatherly love thing like smthing at home and you are disturbed or jus by your face he could tell you were lost or when just like that suddenly that one daddy in him takes over and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he used to take your face in his hands......

like literally all your face in his hands including your huge cheeks over his palm and then watch you with that THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT much love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

duniyaaaaaa he mil gayiiiiiiii  i sweaar !!!!!!!!

over his lap that sukoooon of mind was nothing like youve even experienced with your mom......

it was smthing else !!!!!!!!!!!

that love of his charlie like he would smtimes say nothing and ekdum seee take your face in his hands like you are talking smthing or he is driivng to somewhere and suddenly would stop and just look at you and then take your face in his hands and just be......

its like the more you were with him the more you lived it was like drawing you closer to him..... like it was making you feeeeeeel that feeeeeel of you are all him !!!!!!!!!!!

it was like the more he touched you the more he just looked at you bhi the more you just lived him it was all making you more His.....

as writing out you know you shouldnt but like today you just neeed to ......

that one father love is prolly the biggest  thing a girl hopes wishes and needs in life.....

cause its that secure comfort that she finds in her father that is like nothing she can ever find again in herlife....

but for you that one thing has always been missing like you remember missing it the most even after the incident cause you missed that one support that one care that you needed the most then.....

that one feeel of feeling the most secure that did come from and with him....

like ever since the start with Him you felt the most secure and then soon the MOST loved.....

like there used to be a you side that wanted to poooooooooooora eat him up and then there used to a you side that loooooooooved being loved as a daddy by him... without him even knowing bout it cause you never told him bout it.....

like you dint want to make him feeel that just cause he found a mommy in you you wanted to have that daddy in him...

but he did become that already in your life....

that one place he did win over in your life.... of your father....

that one man that made you feel the most secure the safest youve ever felt in life.....

and the MOST loved in life !!!!!!!!

every singgle time he held your face in his hands and looked at you in that moment there was that sense of forever love like its this is how it will always be..... like that moment you live like that feeeeeeling you live with him like that love you live in his eyes in him as he just looks at you in that moment like that smthing will never change in life no matter what !!!!!!!

it was that beautiful assurance in that moment.....

like you know holding someone over like holding that moment holding that love and taking it over in your hands and keeping it that way kinda vibe....

mind i say pooooora lost kyaaaaaa likneeeeeee ka where its going only !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All His...

to be with him anywhere out or even as lil as walking around the apartment late evenings every single moment every single sec wih him spent living him you came back home becoming a lil more His every single time...

it wasnt just bout the conversations bout  the holding him n all that, just a look from him just him watching you walking towards him was like him making you a lil more his......

it was in the waaaaaaaaaay he would look at you like knowing you were drawn to him..... just in the way it was !!

to his lilst of habits with you his eating way his walking way his standing way his way of saying some words or doing some random everyday habits like even the way he would move his hair away his forehead him sitting in a particular way whilst driving anything to everything bout him was like your life like to live him wa syour ultimate peace..... ultimate HAPPINESS.......

and then the waaaaaaay he would jus look at you liivng that beauuty of him and then that another look from him pulling you clsoer wanting you to sleep over his lap.....

lay over and the waaaaaaaay he would hold you away like secure you so you cant move even with a sudden break on.... latching onto you !!!!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDD sound of his music i say !!!!!!!!!

lie he would just hold you and then keep a check on you like if you were held right.... like to just live that THAT much love from him like it used to put you in that most beauuuuutiful space of mind..... like you are at most ease like most comfortable that cozy happy full complete heart vibe.... like uskuuuuuu waisaaa deke dekeee kaisiii neeed aaajatiii thii charlie......

like that one level of sukooon it wasnt even cause you were up the nite before talking to him ayyyya  smthings you write now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

daaaaaaaaaaaaaamnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!

but that one ultimate level of happpy heart just by the waay he looks at you and smileeeeeeeeeeeeeees that smile keeps feeling you rhand your forehead and just that smileeeeeeee on him as he lowers the sound like making sure you sleep for a bit......

and then when you move with some break or smthing that beauuuuuuuutiful feeeel of being held tight by him.....

last nite that same feeeel !!!!!!!!!

switching sides and this one time when your hand feels smthign wierd.... and that makes you wake up n see what it was and it was gear and you try to move or smthing and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of his hand over you...... like to just see his hand over your hand being held tight.... and moves his finger over your hand and you look up and there he was navy blue shirt hair that beauuuuuuuuuuutifully messy his usual just woken up hair and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of his daaaaaaaadi.... like just seeing him that waaaay that sudden rush of holding him awaaaay like bas latakkkkkkkk jaaanaaa uspeee and also that fear of you move ekdum see and he disappears.... like that one fear that strong and you try to hold yourslef..... and just be there and wtach him instead.....

and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he does his usual thing of trying to pull you closer that one nodddddd of his knowing that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully again knowing that well that you were fulll on controlling yourself awaaay......

that one nod of his with that smileeeeeeeeeee and that tone of his voice as he says kyaa hua karely.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kitteeeeeeeeeee saaalo baaaaaad whoo suni charlie.......

this one line from him when he knows exaaaaaaactly whats rushing through you and he would ask you in that tone of his after living that rush through you just by a stare.....

and that another nod again and this time there was no waaaaaaaaaaay you oculd hold yourself back and you fataaaak seee get off trying to hug him and the waaaaaaaay he holds your head awaaaay saying careful karelyyy.....

and you wake up.....

maybe it was the steering that you were going to hit over smthing cause this you used to back then that often that same rush to hold him awaaaay and you would fataaak se get off his lap to hold him or chummmii him and he would alwaaaaay smake sure to remind you to be carful.....

that one state of mind from living that ultimate moment of love n peace to looking around trying to understand where you were at......

to that another beauty of all him that you could still smell around n over your hand.....

like first you smell around and that neeeed to smell over your own where his hand was.....

smthings and this one especially will never make any sense NEVER !!!!!!!

like dream you still connect n relate with, but that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of beign able to still smell him around in the waking state !!!!!!!!!

beyond magic n words i say !!!!!!!!!

The Ultimate Sukoon...!

ayyyaaaaaaaaa when your mind is this happppppppy high cause it almost felt like you saw him only !!!!!!!!!!

like you donno how to get this down just so you could write the day out....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa when you see things like these feel this feeeeeeeling now... do you realize how maaaaaad baaaaaaaaad you miss seeing him..... like even the slightest smthing of him do you find or see in anything random and the waaaaaaay it makes you feel after......

like now now this feeeel this rush through you !!!!!!!

his hands all you can see with rolled up sleeves his lil lil curls around his ears his forehead his head with rayban on... his pout that used to that adooooooooorably come with certain words that he would spell.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ineeeeeeee potttaaa hoke how this beauuuuuuuuuuutiful i swear !!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh back to the start of the day when you wake up with that ultimate sukooon !!!!!!

Him...

when you just be listening to all him yesterday yesterdaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy not getting over antytime soon i say.......

soooooo yah back to the day last nite better.... when you just be listening to all him and that feeel the more you do missing only getting worse with that weird confusion despite of not wanting to.....

cause this same uneasineess after blocking him makes you feel......

but this time it just is that badly needed.....

like its better you keep away.....

and then there is thing everytime your friend or some client comments over your recent pic saying you do look tired but strangely beautiful n happy.... like your friend actually says its your best pic cause you look happy in it......

how in the world could you not possibly be happy when you are in his street that close to the most beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful memories of your life youve lived..... with Him.....

like that day there was nooooo way you wanted to go any closer and yet end up and then when you are there like that one smile on the face..... like you just couldnt hold back when even the client comments on how there was that one constant smile on you even with the meet on.....

def your most loved pic cause you were in his street that close to the place youve lived the most beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful memories of your life.....

versions of his love versions of living him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you should just seee him charlie.... ghar pe its smthing else......

like him wanting you to live every possible version of him and adooooooooooore and loooooooove each one of them....

like every corner of that house is a most beautiful memory with him......

every single one including his washroom or including his most loved Lucky's poop spot too !!!!!!!

soooooooooo yaaaaaaah !!!!!!!!!

jsut beee listenign to all him with some beuatifully ironic tracks and then sunte sunte you donno wehn you finally sleep...

even as you write now these goosebumps !!!!!!!!!!!

ist when you live moments like these even be it in the dream do you realize how anything to everything with him was making you more his..... just bout anything to everything i say !!

Movie Magic!!

no wonder that loooooove of his for movies n music...

they totally are an extension of life for real.... as they are part of and come out of life itself.....

and not all of it is fictional...

this beautiful magic like almost.....

even the way the t shirt is rolled over on the sleeves is again smthing he used to.... and uskuu deke deke even you started to wear t shirts his way rolling up the sleeves and wearing it.... and this one time when he sees your t shirt with regular sleeve in those "recent" meets at his other place he actually holds your arm pulls it closer to him and then rolls up the sleeve his way and then watches it with that smileeeeeeee of his... aisaa rak sleeve ku.....

and then watches it again like that lilst of thing made him happpy and in  that moment you living that same love of his for you again after years.... making you His.... adding that bit of his touch over you !!

and then that same beauuuuuuutiful habit of his after making you a lil more his watching you that way and feeling happy bout it......

soooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

the sleeeves part the song part smthing bout the whole character of the guy and wtahcing it you relive him singing beatles that beauuuuuuuutifully adoooooooorable echo of his voice......

to that moemnt of fame and changing the person away to that one line waited all my life for you to wake up and love me back.... smthing like that.....

story of your life i say !!

this one thign you know for sure he loves you but there is that change now.... back then he was proud to love you proud to have you in his life and was happiest to love you !!!!!!!

not getting to that topic any closer......

this one movie like you cant waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttt to watch it i say !!!!!!!!!!

that bit everytime you watch the trailer now i wanna hold your hand and every single time goosebumps i say !!!!!!!!

like every single time that bit comes wooooosh bolke goosebumps....

cause in that moment shutting eyes away reliving him singing it and pouting awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay that adooooooooooooooooooooooooooorably every time he would say and when i touch you that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable pout with the word touch......

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this one trailer i say most loooooooooooooooooved !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HIM cuteeeeeeeeeeeest lil annoying big beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful thing i say ever to be born !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uskuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu zorkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii geeeeeeeeeliesttttt chummmiiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaaaaannaaaaaaaaaaaaa abiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

The missing tooth !!

for the record like literally for the record the most watched trailer ever EVER !!!!!!

like you just cant stop watching it on loop with that one more time thing everytime you hit a replay !!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that similar familiar to Him from back then......

the guy in the film looks that similar to the waaaaaaaaaaaay he looked like back then that same hairdo forming those lil lil curls around His ears due to that style of his of wearing his raybans over his head.....

like it used to naturally set his hair a lil wavy with the curve and when he used to take his raybans off it automatically used to form that wavy hairdo on him and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it used to make him look even more yummmmmmmly beauuuuuuuuuuutifully handsome i say !!!!!!!!!

to that sequence of the accident and the missing tooth after ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa dittoooo him i say.....

missing out the very same front tooth and the biggest cherry highlight of the trailer is beatles and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa His song i wannaaaaaaaa hold Your haaaaaaaaaaaaaand !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some days when the start itself was this BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIFUL to this moment now when you decide to play the lucky ali mixed playlist here cause of the same beret playlist issue and you see this trailer name on the feed and the name itself sort of makes you wanna watch it.... Yesterday - LIFE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

hit play and like you had to were meant to watch it i say this one trailer definitely the most watched ever.... even as you write now ek aur baaaar thooooooo bantaaa hai cause ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the guy looks almost like Him but as beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful as him but its like that lilst bit closer to the feeeeeeeeeeel that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of wacthing Him !!!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU adoooooooooooooooooooooooorable lil big beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful thing how baaaaaaaaaaaaadly maaaaaaaaaaaadly YOU were missed abiiiiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii this moment here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hold Your hannnnnnnd cause when i touch Youuuuuuuuuuuuu i feeeeeeel happppppppppppppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyy insideeeeeee its suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling that my looooooooooveeeeeeee i cant hideeeeeeeeee i cant hideeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Him, your only high !!

to live him wasnt just bout looking at him hmmly and all that....

it was more bout experiencing him living him like that whole process was like an experience in itself....

you remember putting the windows down with that wind in the air chill in the air as it was winters then..... get a lil closer to him and then live him live his beauuuuuuuutiful details from up close under that light......

and this has been this way ever since the start its just the waaaaaaaaay his presence holds you awaaaay that neeeed to live his beauuuuuuuuuutiful details.....

like not say a thing ask a  thing touch him or anything where most of you obvsly wants to but also that neeed to just live him....

now when you relive him in moments like these be it now as you write and keep shutting your eyes to relive him from that moment or at the temple today as you relive him there.... like it all makes sense maybe it was for moments like these that you were saving up awaaaaaaaaaay his beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful lilst of details in your eyes.... in you !!!!!!!!!!

just so you could relive him in moments like these wth a zooomed up memory visual......

that beautiful late nite silence in the air almost nobody around empty streets that beautiful street light wind in the air his some music playing in the car.... and you ask him put his stereo out like he used to do this thing where it used to come off just so that bright lights dont show in the car and attracts attention from the out... this he used to do when at opera mostly !!!!

just so theres no light at all !!!!!!

and you ask him to do the same cause you just wanted to live him under thoe orange lights....

and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he would just nod awaaay to your madness !!!!!!!!

no matter how much you chummmi him live moments with him there always was that smthing else beauty of living him..... liike it used to put your mind all of you in that highest state of peace calm and the most happpppppppppy state....

where you dont wanna do say or a thing.... like just be and get more high on him...

it was smthing else a beauuuuuuuty waaaay beyond words n logics....

Him your ultimate high, your ultimate most beauuuuuuuutiful psy beeeedi i say !!!!!!!!!!

to live him with his music and then to live that state of mind it used to put you in !!!!!!!!!!

the more you write now the more this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel now !!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!

today there getting the pooja done al through that that one smile on you that youc ouldnt hold back cause you were living those hm hmm versions of him of his look of his adoooooooorable smiles especially in a place where you are not supposed to !!!!!!

knowing it was wrong naiii horaaa thaaaa charlie.....

look around try to get awaay move away from teh rush and leave your mom with the driver as she gets the pooja done and find thsi corner and just be....

look up and this row of orange hued lil lil bulb lights lit up in a row over the tree......

it was that beauty of that moment your mind reliving and getting high again on that memory of his caus you could that strongly feeeeeeel that same state of mind.... mind going that beauutifully slow with his music playing high.... him rushing through you like those visuals of him from that nite playing that beauuuuuuuuuutifully slow on loop with eevry blink you blink....

and up above there was that almost similar hued light over the tree...

save the moment awaay cause it was that emergency hideout that nite.....

this mind nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mind gone i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yahi basss nai thooo this beauty of his music now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Face talk !!

even if his lips dont move not even the slightest bit it was like his complete face talks to you instead....

like from that moment when he just looks at you with your one foot out and almsot bout to step out and jus that one look from him it was like all of him asking you not to leave without him uttering a single word.....

like just that one look from him is when he wouldnt say a word but his face does the talk and HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!

that beauuuuuuuutifully held away and not wanting you to leave....

to that moment when he stops there mandir ke peeche and then looks at you and then gets that adooooooooooorably confused himself saying khula khula hai nai poora aju baju and off to another location hunt....

and eventually land up at your own stairs place and then says idhar udhar kaiku gaye apan idhar apna chota opera rak leke !!

like that stair place did become your mini opera corner......

its not bout how long youve been with him for but that one sec of his missing that you see in his eyes and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just holds you awaaaaaay like you cant move dont wanna move away from him....... that beauuuuuuuuuutifully held by him !!!!!!

soooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!

today when its a day off you take from work cause you just wanted to be with his music and away from it all....

clean the car away with his music playing loud all by yourself....

come back and your mom says its some day today and was the best day to get the car pooja done as the skoda one has been through many accidents by now with that thing bout wrong time purchase thing and with almost that close to selling it away she decides to get some pooja done for both the cars......

its this thing now bout your car this loooveee i say cause just to see that number on it 86 is like again Him smthing to do with Him there with you...... and that makes you love your car all the more take care of it more..... like making sure you clean it yourself ask the driver a zillion times to drive carefully like now its not just a car its that beauty of smthing to do with him with his presence that beauuuuuuutifully with you.... like the first thing every morning before you get in is to look at the number plate makes you smile His born year it is the most special date year of your life i say !!!!!!!!

like that date on the calendar that month on the calendar that year on the calendar means LIFE to you !!!!!!!!!

cause HE was born !!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDDDD

and to just see that number on is like being more than thankful for that one day i say......

finally out and the usual temple that you go to was too busy for poojas looking yaha waah and you point towards this one....

the emergency hideout temple.....

the sec you are there get off that much rush up the volume of his music and you just couldnt stop smiling cause al you could see was him looking at you waiting for a yes or not this location ishara from you.... right behind the mandir....

get off and walk towards the other side of the temple and shut your eyes to relive that moment.....

there was that street lamp there pole like thing and that nite too dark around cause there were no flyovers or metro things around with that brigt light....

just that orange street light and under that to seeeeee that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him.....

his adooooooooooooooooooooorable big eyes waiting for your signal his smileeeeeeeeeee ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully love high.....

all of him living your silence and you living that beauuuuuuuuuty of him under that ornage street light.....

you could never tell him but in moments like those whenever you live him under the street lights like it used to make you that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully blank lost in him like you  cant hear a thing think a thing but just live and adoooooooooore that beauuuuuuuuuty of him.....

like even in that moment then you dint find the place right as it wasnt really safe with open all aorund but to live that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him under that light you dont fataaak se say a no or a yes....

and instead just live that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him......

finally just watching you that lost in him nods away saying merku ye jagah sai nai lagri.... moves away and you ask him to wait for a bit and live him some more.......

and that adooooooooooooooooooooooorably drives speeds away saying merseee nai horaaa !!!!!!!!!!!

smthings you relive n write now and the waaaaay it even years after makes you laugh awaay at his adoooorablenesss !!!!!!!!!!!!

that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him charlie i swear......

even in moments of rush of love there was that one adooooooooooooooooooorable kid in him that you could see feeel loooooooooooooooooove and adooooooooooooooore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

chipppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ye tuneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee kyaaaaaa kiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yummmmmmmmmmmmmieeeeeeeeeee cutieeeeeeeeeee i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Hideout !!

pooora pooora dine rehke bhi there were times when the misssing sort of would ekdum seeeeeee grow leaps n bounds....

like the sec you were that close to getting off late in the evening that one look from him and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it used to overload you with......

like he would just stop the car and as you are bout to hug him or hold him just bout to say bye and all that one look from him and that sudden feeeeeel ekdum seee.... to the other moment when he just nods away after you hug him and all like just bout to leave and by then bas nai hotaa thaaa....

like after that one look from him ab your missing suddenly was rushing itttaaa ki dil nai hotaaa tha charlie to just get off n leave....

and you nod back saying a no like you dint want to leave and that one face ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face of his like ekdum seeeee that one big smileeeeeeee on him and in ishaara asking like pakkaa you dint want ot leave and you nod back saying a yes and the waaaaaaaay zoooooooop bolkeee he used to start off again..... highest speed possible u turn leke jus drives around and you just look at him again and the waaaaaaaaay he would that adooooooooooorably say ab opera leke jaa nai bolnaa karely i swear seeedha leke chale jaatu bolru mein....

and that one feeeeeel he knew exactly what and how you felt in that moment or actually in any moment like he would just look at you like he was studying your face and then just knowwwwwwwwwwwwww what and how you felt in that very moment..... and when he would verbally say it out it was that heights of happiness just howwwwwwwwwwwwww he would know it all bout what was on your mind just by looking at you.....

like one loook at you and he would just nod away in a way like i know thats what you were thinking wala adoooooooooooooooooorable nod of his.....

it happened many a times just before getting off wala rushed missing and that need to just baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh when you realize smthings you cant write out !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when the hmmm hmmmmmm hits you suddenly and you refuse to leave and that one expression that one faceee of him i say....... like what he felt a sec back was again that very same thing that held you back from leaving......

drives yaha waaha saying ab idhar opera kaha dhundu..... and towards the chai wali galli and sees this one temple on the other side of the road like kone mein and looks at you with that adooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorably seskiii kid upto smthing look of his and in ishaara asks you if that was ok....

and you tell him mandir peeche aishaaa and the waaaaay that adooooooooooorably he reminds you of your stadium place n the issue that had happened there and says whoo bhi mandir he thaa karely.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling now as you relive n write some moments..........

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful lil big thing how onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy You were missed i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poooraaaaaaa sar se toe tak chummmiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaaanaaaaaaaaa uskuuuuu abiiiii k abiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!

Moment of magic...

when the nite just got that bit more beautiful and magical i say !!!!!!

the smell of rain and that need to check and ayyaaaaaaaaaaa beauty of some nites i say......

rains for a bit but in a state of mind like this one to just feeeel the rains over your face with his music playing and THIS much him rushing through you !!!!!!!!!!!

beauty happiness call it whatever magic beeeeeeyond words i say !!!!!!

the way the song goes needs time and all bout still loving you and being yours and all that beauty.....

there is this feeeel of an answer to all that caused that one bad kind of tornado in you cause theres good one too again comes with Him......

like losing yourself and finding yourself back again with him cause of him.....

like the only reason ever that makes you lose your mind and find it back again and HOW !!!!!!!!

like the only storm and peace of your life - HIM !!!!!!!!!

but that thing bout being away for now is also what that makes more sense now....

the way it goes bout needs time and you take it to be the thing also bout you being away and let the block be.....

to just be away and go on with your love with a much more peaceful and less disgusted mind i say !!!!!!!!!!

smthings nai makes you laugh at your own self only !!!!!!!!!!!!!

even as you write now this one almost magic moment when you could literally see him nod at your madness frm those chats.....

when you say smthing bout his seskyyy taklaa bout chumming his taklaa only ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa and whatta beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful takla i say !!!!!!!!

and the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he just that adooooooorably nods over your madness that same nod that you could lamost see now.....

how his music changes it all for you !!!!!!!!!!

liek you your mind literally being pulled over to the other and much more beautiful side of the story......

the side that feeeeeels more beautiful that feeels more complete, the side that feeeeels just yours...

Sound of life i say !!

this one time in some chat as it was bout not knowing things and he talks bout how he'll guide you along....

and you just nod saying you donno like ab nai maloom and him nodding awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay his that hmmm nod ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one nod i swear bas gayiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!

even reliving it now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and he tells you this very same thing......

that he'll tell you when the time comes...

and yesterday to listen to the exact words with those visuals from the very same moment in the chat......

to relive his expressions smiles and nods through that conversation......

as you keep telling him you are dumb thta ways and him nodding with that one comfort a sesky comfort though but that one comfort telling you in a way he is there to tell you !!

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!! 

and the sec you sort of literally gain your senses back from that him high you were on after the song stops playing and you stop it literally......

realizing it was for someone......

literally avoid listening to it again cause now it was making you feel otherwise....

to this day  today from a morning like that one to the much beautiful sunset at his galli to on the way no matter where you look all you could see was him..... again when every face  you look at becomes that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully him..... like literally evry face you look at was him......

no matter where you see......

to that urgent call from workshop get some work done there home and that need to be away again.....

head out for a late walk again your search for some peace now..... late nite walks with his music playing......

and that need to listen to that track one time from yesterday and you find this new one today.....

and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa complete dream continuation feels with that same scream i say it was for me only !!!!!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay the words of the track feel like here you dreamt of him lived him and that very same moment he lived the same one there.... as weirdly mad crazy as this sounds even writing out this is exactly how and what the song makes you feel like.....

there was this track last nite that you find that again had those weird feels bout being someone elses love and then missing loving someone taking care of someone being cared by someone...

and it also was similar to the stat eof mind you were in......

and this song just like his dreams was in a way an answer to what and how exactly you felt like......

again this happens with his dreams too when you miss him in a way or are in a confused state trying to find an answer even with his absence he is there in the dream that very nite in exactly the same way sharing a moment  telling you in a wordless beautiful way smtimes and smtimes just holding you more n more closer telling you to wait wait pls wait karely......

and this track was like listening to your dreams play.....

almost every word of it....

like wakes up with that frustration after living a futuristic moment......again that same feeel of yours this morning waking from a dream that was moving waaaay forward in life and you wake up and land back into the same reality.....

to making a promise to take care of you and jjsut needs time to get with it.....

like all in all it was bout that needs time to get on with it...... asking to wait !!

like from that song to the track from yesterday bout loving you and just being yours like all of that suddenly feels like yours......

like its all you wali beautiful feeeeeeeeeeeeeling !!!!!!!!!!!

again even as you write out now this state of mind that song made you feel it still feeeeeels madness absolute madness but again nai malooom charlie just bout the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay smthings can make you feel !!!!!!!!!!!!

its like all of you it sort of drawn that beauuuuuuuuutifully to how and what it made you feel like.....

like it was almost him holding your hand and guiding you along to clear that disturbign reality that you were slammed with.......

like you know guide you along with his dreams with that beauuuuutiful sound of his music......

cause knowing him to him music is like an extension of his state of mind like to know him is to live and feeeeel his music..... like if he feeels smthing you can tooootally feeeeeeel that feeeeeeeel of his in his that very moment song..... no wonder you feeeeeel him the most with his music......

cause thats how his music has always been like connecting you with his love ever since the start as he puts his headphones over your ears and just holds it  that way and plays his music..... first time that close to you and yet that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully familiar.....

like it dosnt shake you or move you away but just the waaaaaaay he just stands ther eholding his headfones over you and watches you listen to his music with that wiat in him for you to like it..... and you dint the first time and years now after everytime you feeeeeeeeeeeeeel this beautiful state of mthing with his music lil did you know then you would be breathing him with his music.......

literally sound of your life i say......

his words again to love someone completely you need to love their details too and is why he always that badly wanted you to like his music if not love.... that one love of his to share those moments with you of those initials days after in love......

to just live him in those moments was like watching his love for you from those initial days that you had no idea bout then......

to think of it now charlie this sudden ting as you write now it ws like he was making up for those lost moments that you missed out on realizin his love for you.....

when the nite gets this beauuuuuuuutifully mad i say !!!!!!!!!

mind overworked or just this almost happy high on him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Awakened side...!

this one track of his yesterday and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like you ignore the words part of it but just that feeeeeeeel of the sound.....

like in your mind you knew it wasnt for you and yet the sec you shut your eeys and listen to the song that one wish your heart actually all of you makes to live him to the song with the song......

like in your mind goes that tick on the song to live his closeness with......

like there were a zillin tracks that accumulated in your mind to live his closeness with and to......

like ye gaaanaa lagane bolti soon as you see him like ye gaaana lagane bolti the sec he holds you to ye gaaanaa lagane bolti after you have his psy beedi..... to this song when you live his cloeness.....

it was like song after song year after year and most of them you dont even remember now.....

this very same thing happens last nite when you listen to this one track.....

like that high on him with eyes shut and your heart all of you makes this lil wish after years......

to live his closeness his beauuuuuuuuuuutiful details to and with the song...

like in your mind you still were ignoring away the lyrics cause you knew if you focussed more on the lyrics it was lead to awakening the other side of you the side that comes and goes with him......

to the othr reality that you dint want to trouble your mind over knowing it was for someone......

his mind i swear its like a psy beedi on its own......

his mind him his love is all you need like you see him live him and this state of mind it fills you up with like you dont need a thing to feeeeeel that state.......

it jst holds you awaaaaaaaay in th emost beauuuuuuutiful of ways possible.....

elevates you off the ground like you are actually flying in the most happiest calmest and yet rushest of state of mind......

like uskuuu pakaad luuu khaaaaaaaa jaaau and yet bas baithuu door aur uskuuu dekhuu..... to just live him smtimes when knowing most of you wants otherwise......

its the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay you can see him transform just as you live Him..... its the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it makes him move a lil makes him a lil uneasy and then as you live him more the waaaaaaaaaaaay he gets more comfy with it and that you know by the waaaaaaaaaaaaay him looking away yaha waah initially and then as you stay with liivng him more the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he owuld then look you in the eye and just be..... no smile nothing just be look you in the eye..... watch you live his beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful details......

and then shut his eyes and that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee on him is when you know now he just got that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful comfortable with you living him that he lets you allows you to live him the waaaaaaaaaaay you wnated to......

like sets your stare freee as you live him......

the MOST beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful few mins i swear !!!!!!!!!!!!!

to just live him and live this beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful transformation of him.... with the slightest of moves in him.... like with every move you know this is what and how he feels now.....

even as you write now THIS FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL also why you stay awaaaaaaaaaaaay from writing this side of living him......

some sounds i SWEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To know its you...!

when you are this baaaaaaaad sleeepy and also this neeeeeee dto write it all out just cause this now state of mind i saay !!

that you are almost snoozing beech beech mein with this need to relive him from that very moment....

is when you realize how writing out the missing has become this necessity that you cant live without now !!!!!!!!!!

these last two songs that you find on his channel and that another ting it left you with yesterday how can even someone deny of his love.... like then it obvsly did make you feel it was you being foolish all this while thinking them to be songs for you but after the block that another ting of it was for someone else..... and that weirder feel how can someone not love him be there for him.... like the only thing you could think of was mein rehti thoo bum pee fevicol lagaaa ke baith jaaati....

like only would move if he asked you to kinda - stay....

like it was more bout that one best friend in you that was acting up wondering why wouldnt she stay be there for him when he wanted her to......

liek his love you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww what and how HOW MUCH it means to you !!!!!!!!!

and then to see someone ignore that VERY love !!!!!!!!!

was whenthe best friend in you was acting up weirdly wondering aisaaa kaisaaaa iskuu nai pyaar kar sakti uneee.....

even writing out your state of mind then feels weirder now.... but smthings nai no logic i say.......

its this thing charlie when you know what you miss and HOW much and to then realize someone ignore that very thing and who bhii of all the people HIM it is..... to just feeeeeeel him miss someone and not have someone be there for him you knowwwwwww how that makes him feeel......

and that weirder feeeeling how could someone not be there for Him.....

and then again when you live the other side of the story in your dream...... living him in a way again that you stay away from living in your waking state only cause joooo baaad mein feeeeeel ho jaataaaaa nai poooora gets only more difficult and complicated to manage or get a hold on......

then to wake up with that feeeeeeeeel of him !!!!!!!!!!!!

beyond words !!!!!!!!

mind kuu normal kaisaaa mainain karnaa samaj ni ata !!!!!!!!!!!!

kaisaaa normal mode pe wapis lana nai samaj ata i swear charlie !!!!!!!

The three dots...

this one time when you turn towards the temple with some car light being too bright suddenly around.... and you look up at the temple and this one line of three dots right above the temple with too much light you culdnt really make sense as to if it was the stars lined up right above the temple or what !!

get off to take the pic and soon after the car leaves and you look up again there was no dots !!!

it was that beauuutifully strange like that moment was just for you cause in the pic you still could see the three dots that looked just like stars....

again cause it was him again......

back then when you dint know what constellations was him telling you the same asking you to look up at the sky over the fone and asking you what do you see.... and you tell him just stars......

and asks you again what more can you see apart from stars......

and you again say more stars is when he moves and asks you to wait and heads over to his terrace and then that one hummmi sound of his ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa heighhhhhhhhhhhts of adoooooooooooooooooooooooooooorablenesssss !!!!!!!!!!!!!

like the sec he gets comfortable on or over smthing that one sound he used to make hummmiii.......

and then tells you bout constellations the three dots the shapes and figures all across the sky and the detailed theory bout it... to even meteor showers and the logic of them once in a year or sometimes more than once.....

like just hearing him talk looking up at that beauty of the nite sky to seeing the three dots with him pointing them out to you over the fone..... was like for the first time living that feeeeeel of someone being that close to you even in their absence..... like he was there with you over the fone but the way it was like he was acually holding your hand and pointing out those constellations and stars and showing you around the nite sky......

almost on a trip of the nite sky..... kinda fone date it was like !!

to live that magic of nite sky to that another magic of Him that he was working on you......

cause the more he talked bout it and made you see the magic of the sky the more it made you feeeeeel his love for you and even more importantly made you realize how madly you were in love with him already......

like even pointing out at the sky with your finger and then asking him if it was this he was talking bout and the waaaaay he says not that corner of the sky but the opposit eone like just that from him was like him moving your hand to the corner where he wanted you to see look at.....

it was that magical cause you were not just learning bout the beauty of the nite sky but you were learning bout your love for him amidst all that magic.......

there has been this way of writing since you donno when like for some specific sentences or smthing you had this thing of adding three dots...... and it was that habit that you first noticed he did too.... like it was when just friends.....

and that nite as he talks bout the three dots stars across the sky and how on the nite of christmas it sort of gets aligned right across the moon and this happens only on the nite of christmas.....

and you tell him out of excitement how he too had that weird habit like you did of adding three dots with msgs......

and that one adooooooooooooooooorable chuckle of his saying he too did notice that and wanted to tell you but dint want to sound stupid for having noticed that smallest bit of msg..... and it actually made him happy that you did !!

smthings you relive and write now the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just starts to flow......

like that one play that you hit and a time starts to flow almost !!

smthings SMTHINGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

To live him in places...!

ever since the bloc again on his movie page too.....

this weird state of mind it again landed you in......

where there are moments of you not wantingly bhi wondering bout what makes him hate you that bad...... ki mein aur kya dekleti kya karleti agar movie page se nai block karke rehta une tho.....

like whyyy intentionally make you feel this disgusted bout your presence in his life ki even push you away from there too.... like that one soch kyaa aisaa kar leti charlie udhar rehne deta tho... like that one ting kept tinging your mind awaaay with that weirder conclusion imagine thats how bad he wants you to be awaay......

and through this weirder worse lost state of mind some neighbour comes over with some prasad and a picture of lord balaji and your mom asks where bouts and stuff and she tells her bout this new temple at jubilee hills.....

and you were that blank in your head when she mentions bout going there the same evening and you say a yes and only as you get ready do you realize what you just did....

cause you dont visit temples anymore.....

but that day you had to cause you already said a yes to it....

the sec you ar ethere it was definitely a beautiful location like a lil mountain like thing over that the pristine white temple with that complete sanghi temple wali feeeeeeel i swear !!!!!!!!

it was partially covered with some grey gods over it but that one visual of the white temple and you were lost again....

as your mom stands right there at the entrance knowing you wont come in finally gets in the temple and you just stay out and sit on the corner of the view cause it was tooo high for you to go any closer.....

that beautiful wind in the air plug in his music and jus be with those weirder random much expected stares from aunties watching you listen to music outside the temple..... look away to another corner with some trees door doing a dance of their own..... as the wind keeps growing stornger so does your mind keeps getting closer to everything him.....

takes you all the way to sanghi temple telling you bout how there was this beautiful all white temple that you must see knowing that adoooooooooooooooorably knowing it would be shut in the noon......

that day of wake up sid wanting to be longer with you making the most of your presence and making you realize see feel live his love for you.... aiiiishaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so many moments missed i swear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all that while when you dint know he loved you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

smthings as you write now and relive this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling ekdum seeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like you play his song on loop and just be there living him..... it was like finding your peace fo mind back for that moment.... it was the most beautiful few mins lived there with living him.......

like for those few mins your mind that completely ignorant of what was disturbing you earlier......

like when there all you could feeel live was him.....

there is this beauuuuuuuuuuty charlie that youve always felt especially when in places crowded place when there is too much going around people taking selfies taking pics of the temple eating prasad kids playing around as it was fairly new..... and there was that corner of the place that you literally lived with him there... like there was you that beauuuuuuutifully transforming into all HIM !!!!!!!!

some moments and what they can do to you is way beyond logcis and words.... without even doing aything literally !!

but like you come back home feeeling better like it just did smthing for you !!

and when you tell your mom we should go there more often that one much epected look you get from her...... when you dint even enter the temple why would you wanna  go there again......

cause you found that one corner to live him !!!!!!!!!!!!

there was that beauuuuuuuuuty charlie wide open sky above doorse city lights looking almost star like that much wind in the air and that beauuuuuuuuuutiful calm of his song pplaying with all him breathing through you !!!!!!!!!!

Lived Him !!

there are things you know and then there comes a time situation thta sort of makes you re realize things in life.....

like sort of connects you with your purpose reason in life.....

like you know suddenly give it all a meaning and make it complete...

been lost all the more again after that block with that feeeeeeeel of being that disgusted by someone you have only loved in life.....

like being loved by him that THAT much ki he almost loved you in every single way version of love possible.... from your best friend love to love love to even your dad love.... that you never had or felt ever in life !!

like waaaaaaay more versions of being loved by him and also being allowed to love him in many more than just love love.....

and then to be hated by the very same one in the worst way possible was much more than disturbing......

like you couldnt make sense of what where did you go that wrong.....

like reason to be this disgusted by your presence was that wordlessly worst !!

and then his dreams the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he is just there making you feeel his presence making you feeel his love for you that much more strongly...... like that reason alone makes you wanna stay with your eyes shut like you no not go anywhere do nothing at all and just be with your eyes shut for longer just so you could live him feeel him live his presence.....

and then to be there in hsi place and then to live him there relive his love for you there that much ki you could almost hear that beauuuuuuuuuutiful echo of his voice there......

his words his conversations that adoooooooooooorable sound of his chuckle..... like to be there was to feeeeeeeeel him the closest youve ever felt in the recent times....

like the sec you see her walking towards your car that need to move away like you dint want to go on with the work cause thats how lost you were in all HIM !!!!!!!!!

like by then all that was rushing breathing through you was just that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully HIM !!!!!!!!!

from there on to just carry on with the conversation with her - is smthing you alone know how difficult would be an understated word to what and how it mad eyou feel....

cause you were still looking at her but eyes mind all of you that beauutifully blank with jsut Him flowing through you !!!!!!!!!

the place where you lived HIM and HOW !!!!!!!!!!

after decade......

Uski galli mein!!

some places nai no matter how long it has beeeen this thing bout the beauuuuuuuuuuuuty they hold.....

like to just live him there and then relive those zillion times you were there in that very place living zillion different versions of his love for you after decade almost - was HAPPINESS !!!!!!!!

this client of yours requests you to pick her up from ramathapur..... like just the sound of that place rings screams happiness through you !!!!!!!!

were more than happy to then suddenly change of plans as her dad was out and there was nobody to drop her at your location and as it was that hot today again requests you to come a lil closer to her place..... lil did you know you werent going closer to pick her up but instead going that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully closer were being drawn towards everything HIM i say and HOWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the way she asks you to take the next lane and from there on and befor you could even make sense of it you were that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully back in time in those very gallis.....

up the volume of his music and live those stores that he would drop you initially at and as he goes home to put on full pants instead of his signature much loved chaddis....

and then as he comes back the waaaay he would jus instead there and watch you with that confused beautiful expression on him and then nod away saying soon.... very soon !!

like even to leave you there a lil away from his home used to make him feel all weird bout it.....

only after love the waay he talks bout it..... telling you how it used to make him feel like he that badly wanted you to see where he lived how his room was where he slept like that badly wanting to share his space with you.... and then to leave you there hide you away from his people used to make him feel all weird bout it !!!!!!

smthings you write now as you relive this even weirder feeeeeeeling !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to finally taking home to living a zillion more momenst around those gallis the waay he would slow down right before his house and look yaha waaha and chummmi you away saying that was his final chummi for that day until he again drops you back home...... cause after that point you both knew you had to maintain that certain distance of not even being close to each other cause of the circumstances back then with his sister.....

like he would alwaaaaaaaays make the most of your presence till you reached his home....

llike the sec he would slow down and one look at him and you knowwwwwwwwww nowwwww the chummi will come anytime.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face he usedto make charlie bolriii nai gaaaaay banjaate.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one cutieeeeeeeeeeee only !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like as she keeps telling you next turn left right and you tell her you cant come beyond this point like you dintw ant to go any closer there..... and you keep telling her the same and with her requesting you more you couldnt helpt it.....

the sec you pass by his galli and finally her place a few houses away from his you stop and tell her you wont come in and instead will wait.....

whooo hua hee nai charlie to get on the place on the street.....

whooo nai andar seee nai huaa.... and you jst be wiat for her outside and live him some more.....

take a pic there with that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel back in his galli after decades almost !!!!!!!

that one place i swear........

a zillion versions of his love for you lived right there despite of all the distance maintained !!!!!

his room the corners of his place including the Lucky's official poop corner tooo......

some places when you visit its not just the place that you are revisiting its the memories a part of your life that you most looooooooooooved liiiiiived is what you are revisiting reliving and loving it all the more as you relive......

to relive that looooooooove of his to that second part of his hidden love that he refrained from expressing telling or even directly showing you after the bup..... to be ther ein that same place and being asked demanded to do the very same thing.... want to see you first thing in the morning soon as i open my eyes..... how will i manage but, i donno i just need to see you first thing soon as i open my eyes......

the sec you are there he was right there waiting for you.....

smthings !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that one place after THIS long !!!!!!!!!

was smthing else !!!!!!!!!!!

Without calculations part 2!!

to live moments is to feeeeeel them without any calculations !!!!!!!

at least to you now it is the way it is......

to feeeel relate connect with that song more than the sound it was the words like it was more of the exact same one as his dreams make you feel......

wait karely pls wait karely hold me karely !!!!!!!!

like off late its this beauuuuuuuuuutiful echo of his words in dreams in different ways than one..... again you wake up with that thing bout self talk its just your mind playing with you cause youve blocked him.... its just your mind like you keeep telling yourself he is fine is with the people he wants to have around and be with in life.... and your place is that clear in his life.... so you dont have to go anywhere close to be pushed back again....

like you keep telling yourself calming yourself down....

its the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he comes charlie..... and when that one him is your only life poooora ka poooooora LIFE i say and then to feeeel him that disturbed trying to hold on to you making you wait by asking you to wait it was that beauutifully weird.... cause most of you struggling to shake off that feeel and still selk talking maybe thats what he really wants to and the other side of you trying to put the sense back in by reminding the reality of it.....

its like that one big struggle the mre you dream such moments and the only way you could put some sense is is by blaming it all on your mind !!!!!!!!!

like that was the conclusion part of it as its become that recent now....

even galti se working now late in the nights you slip into a nap and feeeeeeeeeeel him and HOW you wake up with that confusion with that struggle to keep off fone cause you were struggling to train your mind to keep more off him like not wake up reading him on whatsapp hearing him there and then skip away nite rushes to hear him there..... like you know trying to get a hold on yourself......

but his music remained that beauuuuutifully untouched by your mind i say....

cause thats now your oxygen i say just as the Him in you... is there as you breathe....

His music ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one peace it leaves you with like ekdum seeeeeee that sudden wordless calm it overloads you with.... cause its bout having lived him felt him even in his absence......

under the sky even working on accounts and bills with his music playing and that need to suddenly stop it all and just be looking up and reliving him his closeness his details his smileeeeeeeees his just stares for no reason like your mind finds that beauuuuuuuutiful calm with that sound of his music like it literally brings him along with it.......

Him there just that beauuuuuuuuuuutifully there with the first beat of his sound...

thats only how you gotta feeeeeeel like pooooooooooooooora feeeeeeel some moment to relate connect with that one magic it holds and then live the magic unfold with it......

this is when calculations go for a toss like it did today with that one sound of his song.......

who bhi of all the days it had to be today !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the one galli you refrained from entering all these years and cause of this one client you had to be there despite of not wanting to his house wali galli after years !!!!!!!!!

Without calculations!

still donno how wht or why the things are the way they are.....

but maybe smtimes it all comes down to what and how you feel bout smthing...

and when it comes to Him like there is life there is the reality on one side and there is Him on the other.... and if you look on the Him side of it to you that is exactly where all your life resides breathes lives... like that side of life to you is what LIFE really is like......

like thats where it is thats where it has always been.... and will be !!

and the one thing that gives more meaning to that side of your life is His music.... it has always.....

ever since the start like it has been his music that sort of was a way of living his love for you through his music.... like even after some deep conversation be it bout love life or even friendship telling you how he had no friends and now had you like from there on he would go on bout life in general too.... or there were deep moments of love and after would just play some song and wait for your expression your reaction over it like if you actually did connect could relate that moment with the song or not......

and just by your face smtimes the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay it would make him happy cause you felt exactly what and how he felt in that very moment with the music.....

like that sound then was an extension of his love...

a still moment of love continued after moments of love... only this time it was him waiting for you to feel that love feel that touch feel that extension of his love through tht sound......

it was more like the more you lived him the more you loooooooved him and the more you looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved him you were connecting relating with his music more..... like could feeel his love in his music..... could just feeel that strongly !!

and thats how and where your love for his music did start feeeeling an extension of his love in and with his music...

even after bup there were many moments where he would just play a song and then look at you as you listen to it..... like it was again your way of wondering if he still did love you and the sec you hear the track and look at him and that smileeeeeeeeeeeeee on him just smiiiiiiiiiiling awaaay that beautifully..... cause you felt exactly what he was hoping you would actually like always again was that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully sure you would..... felt his love in the song !!

you dont say a word neither does he but that one smile on him just seeing that tear in your eye or just your face knew you again felt what he was that beauuuuutifuly sure of......

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee writing writing how onlyyyyyyyyyyyy You were missed i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa zorkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii chummmiiiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaa uskuuuuuuuuuuuuuu abiiiiiiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiii is ay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Breathing better again !!!!!!!

what how or why but just is the waaaaaaaaaaaay it is !!!!!!!!!!

all bout the feels again just bout the feeeeeeeeeeeeels !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this love madness passion call it whatever but just this smthing for his music i say with his music i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

literally your source of purest source of oxygen !!!!!!!

and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like one click away from breathing feeling living loooooving better i say !!!!!!!

when again suddenly you realize it was you only for you only !!!!!!

like this one song that toooootally felt like a continuation of your dream and the very same kind him waking up with a same one.... like yahaaaaaaaa mein dream maari usku leke aur unneee waha lived the same one.....

as madly weirdly crazy this sounds now writing out but again just bout the feeeeeeeels !!!!!!!

and again changes it all for you only for the better....

atleast in your mind in you it suddenly all of you suddenly feels normal better and maybe some kona happy too.... again scared to feeel it feeeel that kona of happiness a lil more deeeply cause you knowww when just tooo happy lands you in trouble most of the times..... like max !!

ayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa but this beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like the sec you listen to it still out and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel wher edo you hide your face awaaaaaaaaaaay jsut sooooo it that clearly dosnt show up on your face like smileee ku kidaaar daluuu chupau nai samaj ara thaaa charlie !!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just felt like he held you awaaaaaaaaaay doooor seeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!

like uneeeeeee udhaaar baitkeeee pakad liyaaaaaa waaali fulllllllll feeeeeel i say !!!!!!!!

that same beauuuuuuuuuuty of being held awaaaaaay by him !!!!!!!!!

almost same one.... after years i say !!!!!!!!

Just smthing !!

last few days have been this beautiful turmoil of a zillion things Him......

the more you try to get a hold on your mind just so you dont slip back into that negative space of mind like you did last year same time around.... cause it took almost all of you to get yourself pull yourself back to normalcy.....

like you are doing your best.... with work with plans and then there is that beauty of the world you live of Him the sec you shut your eeyes......

a completely different world to which you live as you wake up....

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he is just there...... and for you now its like that world is your mind just cause you miss him that bad its like your escape now.... just so smthing in you gets filled with his presence... to get you going with the day next....

its getting all weirder writing this state of mind now also why you chose to stay away from writing out your mind only...... and then this happens - His music......

the sec you hit a play on this one track just the beat the sound eyes shut and everything him starts to play.... every detail of him almost every memory of him every moment of liivng him zoooomed in like those few mins of living his beauuuuuuuuuty in a zoooomed in mode with his shying away smtimes watching you live him live his beauuutiful details..... and then shutting his eyes away for a bit letting you live him as much as you could and the waaaay you wnated too......

after a day like today or days rather to just live this beauty of some moments like these - highest level of peace calm and everythig HIM.......

this one ting every single time when you live him this way with his sound playing.......

how truly TRULY lucky i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kabi lagta charlie is it bout the chase that people prefer more when it comes to love and not the stay that much.....

His music this beauuuuutifully formless like almost on a flight of your own.......

like you dont wanna think anything else feel anything else like not look farther than just where you are... jsut so the reality dosnt touch you like you know pulling yourself away from that part of reality and swaying closer to where it feels more real.... more yours !!

His music second after Him that one perfect hideout of yours..... with him in him was your most loooooooooooooooved hideout i say..... second now His music......

losing yourself and smtimes finding yourself back again....!

Formless !!

all this while that had you thinking those songs was for you thinking it to be magic is when you now realize it wasnt you.... it was more of making way for smthing new and hoping she would hold on and hence the pushing you away.....

where what how or why you sort of get swaaaaaaaaaayed away with his music is smthing youll never understand or make peace with......

it just does smthing waaaaaay beyond words.....

like there is no definite explanation theory or logic to it.... its just the sound like the sec you hit a play on his song any music of his and it sort of transforms you into this one formless smthing like the molecules binded together tied together with the atoms, its him to you doing the very same......

Him, the atom man i say of you !!

like you lose sense of your own form of the world around and you just swaaaaaaaay away all of you sort of losing sense of your own self just with the sound....

like then dont really care if the song is for someone else cause in that moment you are already living him with the sound......

and that very thing puts you in a state of smthing thats just bout him nothing else but just Him.....

liek you have no control over yourself like cant help but just feeeeeeeel relive him in your mind with eyes shut his music playing.....

everything else the pushing away the other logic of someone elses track everything else is secondary and thats only a realization that hits you after much after that Him high that you experience live with the song playing.....

ignore the lyrics cause you knowwwwwwwwwww it can leave you with those negative vibes, its that feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie to just knowwwwwww how bad he wants someone  to actually stay hold on in his life.... like you knowwwwww what that means how much it means when youve been experiencing living the very opposite of it forever now ever since the bup.....

this track playing some sounds i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

His mind his music no wonder this one hugest source of oxygen for you !!!!!

well almost !!!!!!!!!

its liek suddenly you breathe better you feel better you live better.... as weird as it sounds again just does smthing that beautifully inexplicable.... 

going farther !!!!!!

there is that thing charlie knowing smthing and then not being prepared to feeeel the intensity of how it can yet again make you feel.....

like you must have written a this time being last one for more than a thousand times......

like it dosnt even make sense writing it out now....

but the way again even smthing on a pro acc being blocked was the hardet push......

like literally being thrown out kinda push.....

wit that weird ashamed guilt write him a sorry and end it there.....

after this it will be only understanding how to and where to change yourself from here on......

its like everytime you cry and then keep that self talk on never crying after this never again.....

and same goes for today too....

you must know when to stop and this for you is the now....

to stop !

just stop !

kaiku ittti takleeef hoti har baar nai maloom......

imagine how thinsg change that fast and to that level.....

wanting you to be the first one to know to being blocked from seeing that too.....

itself says it all nai shouldve known this understood this longback.....

again your mistake alone, he has always been thsi clear bout you in his life.....

it was your mistake, always !!!!!!!!!!

this mind, this you, changing hoping to change itall from now..... no matter what and how the dream feels to know its in your mind.....

its your mind !!!!!!!!!!!

this push nai everytime charlie bhot takleeef hoti...... the more you think of it aur zyada takleef hoti.....

koi karle aisaa, uneee nai karna thaa bas !!!!!!

imagine of all the people in the world to be hated THIS bad by him..... this badly disgusted by your presence !!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS BAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Same mistakes!!

there is thing bout knowing things in your mind and then to feeel them !!!!!

to feel it, i sanother story altogether.....

like you were that sure THAT sure he'll block you on his movie page too..... like THAT sure ki you smtimes check if he blocked n most of the times to check if the trailer was up...

and finally in th evening when you notice BLOCKED !!!!!!!!!

smthings you can never reallyget used to no matter how many zillion times it has been this way.....

its that thing charlie to seee how disgusted someone you loved the MOST the one and only could be that disgusted that very same one THAT disgusted by your presence even on his professional acc..... like you were just there to see his movie trailer smthing you have waited longest for.....

and there too blocked !!!!!!!

like hates you to another level only.....

then as the feeeeel slowly settles down that one weird guilt when you know he cant stand your presence anywhere like disgusted with it then why be after or anywhere close to him.... when all he wants is your absence.....

the way it weirdly felt even worse......

like apne oopar he that weird feeeeling.....

that one question why are you the way you are.... why cant you jsut change yourself...... change this you that you are.......

A dream away...!

that one waiiiiiiit to seee him feeeel him live him with that one ting in your mind he i sjust a dream away.... and in that you slip in a nap and wake up to the sound of a dog barking and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel that very sec howwwwwwwwwww nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like there was the dog howling for some reason and there was you in that very moment howling how nowwwwwwww awaaay... cause you wake up with that realization of no dream no him wali feeel !!!!!

some songs i swear ......

word to word, a dream away...... cause Youuuuuuu make me feeeeeeeeeeel alive againnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uskuuuuuuuuuuuu abiiiiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii zorkiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii dent waliiiiii chummmiiiii lag jaaannaaaaaaaaaaa abiiiich i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if only there was some switch to the dreams to the magic that you oculd switch on right before you can feeel eyes goo hazy blurry sleepy.....

First one to read tho !!

as barely as you could see a glimpse of the film that one canvas.....

and that one feeeeel i say........

still the very frist one to read his script i say !!!!!!!!!!!

how chorily you did and how beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully he lets you read a lil and only after letting you live that feeel that moment of reading his script after years again.... gets off and runs towards you asking you to drop the script on the floor where it was... and you try to move around that table of his reading as much asyou possibly could till he gets you.......

still was the first one to read his first film script i say :DDDDDD

sthings nai suddenly utttiiiiii khushi mil jaaati bas aise heee sudden yaaad kiye tho.....

ayyyaaaaaaaa hau naiiiii first one to read while he was still working on it.....

like from the moment you see that coming soon like youcould hear that echo of his adoooooooooooooooorable voice from back then..... saying coming foon in that kaminey film style cause back then it had released tab tab and he that adooooooooooooooooooooooorably used to mimic that style of talk that often then......

smthings again no logic nothing just the waaaaaaaaay they can make you feeel....

back home and that waiiiiiiiit to jsut empty the bottles away and deciding on never to drink again.....

that moment of seeing someone all that while stand that THAT close to you and you dont even kow bout it was waaay more horrible than the word itself....

bas ho gayaaaa aaaj !!!!!!!!

to that other waaaaaiiiiiiit when all your midn could live watching the rains with the wind was his legs from back then.....

be it walking across to ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa unneeeeeee jaisaaaaaa per seeee pakadddd ke makes you stay all that while right before leaving..... and you keep telling him how seeeki his per were.....

like the more you live those moments the waaaaaay it was only making you live the details from that meeet..... and that wait for a dream of his just so you could live him tabiiiiiii k atbiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!

coldplay track playing that perfectly timed i say adventure of a lifetime....

knowing feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling he is a dream away.......

Second most longed for moment i say !!!!!!

on your way back home and this jam due to trees falling over the road and that much dust smoke wind in the air.... as the car moves slowly this one truck flashing light acros the road and as the car stops that very moment this one guy walking along and all you could see in the dark were the legs walking across the street with the light right behind.....

that very sec his legs al you could see through that li lwindwo of the auto as you look behind......

living him as much possibly as you could while you leave....

take a pic and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeel as you look at it......

flashbacks with flashlights and what timing as you were listening to his lucky ali only..... right from the very start of the dy today.....

again your way of trying to make it better with th efeels of the song last nite.....

lookig behind looking ahead......

lucky alis tag line of one of his albums.....

some moments nai charlie like you soooooooo gottaaa feeeeel them.....

like poooooooora zorseeeee feeeeeel them and then let the magic take over.....

that one moment was that for you.....

like there wsa you living him in those legs that all you could see in the dark..... 

and those random legs bii aaaj did become him.....

this beauty of visuals and more so of nite now......

and evrytime you feeeeeel that beuaty of the nites that one thing i say... no wonder that love of his for the nites...

you tend to feeeeel it all the more.... at nite..... cause your mind all of you from the day is now in that unwinding state like you know letting yourself just be..... and then to feeel live moments like these in that silence of the nites.....

smthing else and beyoooond !!!!!!!!!

like how that one vsiual of some random guy walking across lets you live that beauuuuuuuuuty of him from back then..... as you watch him wait there turned towards you like he too was waiting for you to turn as it was the auto you obvsly couldnt and then as he walks by you could see him walk back to his apartment......

it was that beauuuuuuuuuuuty of the moment only as he starts to walk back to the apartment do you literally pull your head out of the auto trying to look at him cause he was still waiting there for yo uto aturn......

and only after he turns and starts to walk back to his apartmnet do you stay wit living him throughthat window of the auto.....

tooootally lookng behind looking ahead moment back then..... and then today too !!!!

cause you were there in a present but lookig behind to the most beautiful moment - to live his presence, even be it just his legs i say !!!!!!!!!!

to just live his presence......

and as you post see this one new red circle over his movie page.... head over there and you see the post of the trailer coming soon and that one loud screaaaaaaaaam of happiness that literally screams through you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cause it may have been a dream that he lived loved the most but it was definitely more of yours like you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww how bad HOW BAD you have always wnated to read to watch his first love - his first film.....

to read his name with it !!!!!!!!

like it was more most awaited dream of yours than his......

ever since that first short film of his do you read his name with just edited by and that one wish you tell him then and theree to read directed by, film by with His name on it.....

and be it then from the many a times after that one promise of his youll be the first one to know.....

soooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh it was a post posted smtime back and that red circle that one rushhhhhhhhh in you to hit or not to hit.....

like you for sure know youll be blocked and then that one loud wtfff you anyways have been...... but atleast youll get to see his trailer imagine wali another loud scream.....

and the sec that one ting strikes of youll get to see his trailer you finally fulll strength power call it whatever besharumlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hit the story....

result - it also said the same coming soon !!!!!!!!

that one full body palm moment i say.....

some visual of the film that you barely see and that one waittt now.....

more than the story of the trailer knowing now youll be blocked anytime soon..... the sec he seees your name !!!!!!!

To just feeeeel the moments... and not just live them through !!

that moment as you sit back with your mom and up the volume of his musc and relive that beauuty of the wind to that moment of realizin how someone random was that close to you and talking to you actually and you dint even realize it until the guy asks his name.....

it was like all through that moment maybe in your mind you still were talking to Him only.... like in a way talking bout Him to him only.... the waaay that moment was that beautifully weird....

it was only when the guy asks his name do you realzie aishaaaa thooo ineee nai hai ye bolkeee wali loudest ting i say !!!!!!!

it was lving him in the winds those smoke circles it wasnt just bout how beauuuuutiful and almost magical smoke rings he use dto make..... its that whole process charlie.....

aishaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and the way he looks that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful !!!!!!!!!!!!

that one face he'll make first thooo then look at you and see that wait in you cause by then you could that strongly sense he was just bout to do smthing you loved like you could that clearly see it in him.....

and the sec he takes that puff and then pouts awaaaaaaaaay ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ting ting ting ting bolkeeeeeee smoke rings one after the other.......

and then watch you that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully going crazy over each one of them......

and then know it again you would ask him to do it again and that nodddddd that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable nod of his with that slight beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful smile on him.... saying a no and you dont say or write a word and just in ishaara wait still wait and that another different nod this tme and he does it againn..... its that whole process like the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay his expressions his smileeeeeees his nods change through that process......

the waaaaaaay he looks at you in a zillion differen beauuuuuuutiful ways throughoyt that process......

ab bolooo fir sirf smoke rings tak kaiseee rehtaa......

to just watch those dust smoke or whatever the wind mad eit look like float away in the air was like lving him living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him..... and with the treee moving that wild was like him again..... wooooooosh bolkeeeeeeee ayaaaaaaaaaa woooooooosh bolkeeeeee wapis peecheee kaara.....

all of this to that beauty of his music.....

one of the songs that you lived Him loooooooooved him felt him the most with......

it was beyond beautiful.......

smthing that filled you up with that THAT much of him and also with that beautiful realizatin of how just finding someone like that close to you was smthing that you have always only been used to share it with him.....

ever since having felt that closeness for the first time.... been always him and will be......

like that space clsoe to you beside you just his i say !!!!!!

the waaaaay it makes you feeel that weird feeeel of but it was Him nai right there !!!!!!!!!!

His and HOW !!!!!!!!

friend back from her holiday with usband......

invites you for a party that was for people who missed out on the wedding and as per her you topped the list cause you were there at the wedding and ran away half way through....

there with your mom and this thing bout crowded places....

its that hate love thing....

too much people and then finding your own space there and then finding him there with you....

as beautifully weird as it sounds it always happens....

without fail i say....

also with it the thing bout crowded places did become your most fav too.... its that beauuuuuty when theres too many people visually around that much sound in the air too many things going all around... and then there is tha one space of yours that you feel n live with him.... cant hear see feeel a thing from the outside......

jsut that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him, all you see feeeel and live i say.......

cause thats all your life will ever be.... all you CCCCCCCC is all you feeeeeeeeeel i say !!!!!!! :DDDD

soooo yah and just cause you mom with you you sort of take that risk of drinking out you shouldnt have.....

almost two breezers down and you could hear that sound of the wind getting bad over teh roof so you head out in the huggggggest balcony that youever seen after your previous MOST loved house !!!!!!

as you loook around treees moving that bad with the wildd winf....... that much dust in the air that it almost makes the streets around look that beautifully smokey....

like it was nite clouds floatig in teh air.... over the streets...

and the dust was sort of dorming those smoke circles that he used to in the air......

and you hear someone ask what you were looking at and smiling.....

and you show the smoke rings in the air the dust rings.....

and how they looked like clouds rolling over the streeet like the trees were smoking and letting out the smoke rings.... floating in the air.....

there was his vital signs bombay meet track playing with the visual and the guy introduces name with some s kumar kinda name that you dont even remember now...... and asks yours and you again point out at the row of dust rings that were forming with that much wind in the air.... and talk bout how he could make the smoke look beautiful and only when the guy asks whats his name you look beside and realize the guy was standing that close to you and you were actually talking to someone that random......

rush back in and stay with your mom.....

and ask her if you could head home now.....

and her laughing over how you actually have this time limit of staying in such places and like she knows any time now you would come to her asking to leave.....

when someone knows your weirdest habits that well it just makes you happy nai.....

and your mom being the second one in your life, first be it anything will has and always will be Him i say !!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa anything to everything like he already knew it all bout you !!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suddeeeeenly wiring witing how onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YOU were missed howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee beauuuuuuuutiful lil big thing i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!