beyond words!!

 What and how it all felt today was beyond words expressions or anything you could possibly write out!!!!!

I don't even know what you expect from me honestly, his words and suddenly you don't know how would you tell someone that one person in the world who you are that dead sure of knows what he means to you in your life!!!!!

Even back then post bup those conversations chats from Bombay and he would mention how he didn't want to get married and was the reason why he stayed away from you cause he wanted to work make something out of him and you tell him you never wanted anything as long as you had him.....

That's always been there charlie even with those arguments with your mom back then and you used to tell her the same that you didn't care bout getting married as long as you had him in your life had his love in your life!!!!!

You were a shaadi type of person pehle like one of those people who think marriage is the start and end of it all, it all changed after him ...like the meaning of life love and you in totality change after and with Him in your life...

With time and his focus on work soon the need to be with him changed too as he got busy with work and rare chats did become all Him....like that too was enough for you!!!!

Through that conversation you were hurting not because of what he was telling but because him being the only person didn't know what you wanted expected from him!!!!!

Neither could you tell him when he asked you the same, again it's that thing charlie when there's hope of the other wanting to give another chance you still try but if he had moved on there was no point in telling him it was all and just Him that you expected wanted needed hped for!!!!

It was all coming back to you like without even reading his other chats from back then the waaay just the sound of his music the recent chat to the way it all somehow felt like holding your hand taking you back in time almost journey like like from this chat to the previous one to the before that one to the one after bup to the ones from back then.....

The mind the you felt different today!!!!!

Never for once in all these years did you ever intend to make him feel that way, feel irritated with the idea of you in his life to say the least......

Kabhi lagta why coukdnt you change yourself why couldnt you just move on like you know switch the chapter page away.....still standing on the same page!!!!

There's no regret complaint or any of that sort but like his words made you rethink it!!!!

It's like you in your heart you know why it is the way it is but that thing bout theoretically thinking bit that sort of takes your mind away!!!!!

Logic i suppose, was never the way of the heart...!