This waittttt now as you keep changing sides to feel his hands again holding you with inside repeats black shirt pls pls!!!!!!
Hearing yourself out again ajeeber it gets but this urge to write out this strong rush of missing right now!!!!!!!!
How like how nowwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
The scent the sense n feeeeeeel of him!!!!!
Can the mind be this THIS high on missing someone this bad to feeeeeeeeel away moemnts like this even after waking up too……like is it even normal to live a feeeeel a face a touch even after waking up like right now to still feeeeel him away holding you even after waking up !!!!!!
THIS day as the missing grows and you are doing your best and yet these himcomings I swear !!!!!!!!
Ayyyyyyaaaaaaaaaa how only how muc only can you possibly miss just that one someone for these many heats away when years becomes autocorrect heats and that’s also true only to some extent!!!!!!
Nothing no other face just this one and on loop over a decade and today these many faces and not a single one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty as that one……..
Like that walking talking breathing form of magic …sheer magic!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaa you were missed missedddd misseddddddddddestest and more misses you can possibly go on writing!!!!!!
How can he not even feeeeeel away slightest bhi slightest tingle dingle bhiiii with all this missssing of yours you are pushing through the air waves away…
Slightest dingle tho atleast!!!!!
Another one from the what do you want from him!!!!!
To watch him again walking towards you that waaaaaay ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa that smoooothsexyyyyyy way he used to walking towards you looking you in the eye………
The waaaaaaaaaaaay he looked his ezzzzztra bit of sexyyyyybeauuuuutiful!!!!!!!!
His walk thaaaaaaat walk!!!!!!
Some random guy walking past at the mall by many guys walking past and every single time loooooooooved the waaaaaay he walked too like you were absolutelllllly fida over his walk too apart from alll of him!!!!!
And this inside smile moment right now reliving his walk away like him yummmmmly gorgeous ooopar se that walk tooooo!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sing miyaaaaaa how onlyyyyyy you were missed away abhiiiii k abhiiiiiiii!!!!!!!
This THIS buzzzzzzzz of him suddenly with a random sound of music this viiiiiiibe evry single time you like some set the waaaaaaay there’s this feeeeeeeeel of him on drives that comes along and HOW!!!!!!
Like right now this feeeeeeel of him that you can’t help but feeeeel and live away!!!!!!!
This beauuuuuutifully maddd buzzz of him with some sounds!!!!!!!
How dooooo you even put a seatbelt on this THIS state of mind away!!!!!!!
Like you struggle and do your best to not play that track again cause I swear the tbingsssssssss it’s doing to your mind is beyooooooooond!!!!!!!!
And then when he comessssssss like this ayyyyaaaaaaaa a Himcoming like this one!!!!!!
You felt him!!!!!!!!
Like there was moments and having felt him and there was that slow whisper of this sound after like seconds before just waking up before the alarm went off seconds wbegore his slow whisper of cookie…
And before the alarm it was that sound of his voice and him calling you after a decade wakes you up…and then the alarm goes off!!!!!
Ever since waking up it’s this feeeeeeeel same feeeeel post his Versova meet like the second you get off the couch and with him being that way laying around that way for all those hours once you get off the way it felt empty there!!!!!
Like suddenly a part of you was missing out of you!!!!!!!!
The saaaaaaaame exact feeeeeeel as you get off the bed today exact same vibe!!!!!!
Like when walking around it took you that long to feel okay!!!!!
And that neeeed to feel him more workout it had to bee…
To realising cartoons back then were trippy of all imagine Mickey Mouse ones being this trippy was an ultimate realisation!!!!!!!
Sooooo yaaaaah backkk to the post workout moves and play this one song of his and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays you felt him again with that feeeeel of his hands over and around you to that in between feeeel of his breathe over the neck as weird as crazy it sounds which is also why you’ve wotppped writing the exact feeeels of him that you lived through the moves cause it’s absolute but beautiful madness to feeeeeeeel him away like this in your waking state woh bhi!!!!!! To doing things like after the night prayer to actually say this lil thing of pls plsss same black shirt pehenke aana aaj bhi!!!!!!
It’s like that strong of a touch and feeeel today being his feeeel of breathing over your neck!!!!!!!
How do you even tame away a state of mind like this one that’s gone compleeeeeeeeteeeeellllyyy and ABSOOOOOLUTELY wild wilder widest west!!!!!!!!!
People are noticing literallllly this change in you last few days and all it took was living that beauuuuuuty of him around the stadium place………the start of it all!!!!!!
Bombiiii bubbles karely coookiepie cookie some of your most favourite nicknames by him that he looooved calling you by!!!!
Apart from the bumble bee becoming your car name as bumble blu the sound of it every single time brings along the sound of his voice calling you bubbles from the powderpuff girls thing!!!!!!
Even watching transformers now everytime prime goes bee it’s his voice that rushes through you the waaaaaay he would sound that adoooooooooooooooorabkest calling you cookie or bombiii which also was luckys name back then…
The way his voice would always sound different that low and that fulllllll of LOVE!!!!!!!
Even as you write now and that sound of his voice rushing through you this very moment…!
Another one of those zillion things you miss bout him!!
This one feeeeeeeeel to wake up to him a dream like that one!!!!!!
Like suddenly you are this happppy high with this buzzzzz of him again and also this beauuutifully lost cause you are mind is still in that moment……..
Like you just don’t wanna do anything else but just lay there reliving the Himcoming on loop and not do anything at all!!!!!!
Like he literally comes running you were doing something at work and that sound of the footsteps from the main door and you think it’s the manager and that same holding you away from behind that sound of his breathe that high like he did come running from really far kinda sound and the way in a rsuhhhhhhhhh he moves you towards him not gently definitely like he was in that beauuuuutiful rush and the chummi even in more rush like you don’t even get that second of a space to take a look at him but it was a he same black shirt again this time in the daylight……but the same him way of wearing it like you could feeeeeeeel over his face the daaaadi was back that same fuzzzzzy feeel over your face you sniffing him away as much as you could and like the second you open your eyes you are on your couch……
Him still there same shirt same rushed up vibe and he was humming something away looking you in the eye with that one amworkingmysexyymagiconyou and you know it kinda vibe of his expression…….as you try to feeeel and live his details he again comes suddenly close and the chummi again the waaaaaaay that moment moments beyond n after felt that real like you could feel smell taste him for real!!!!!!!!
It was that rushhhhh like you couldnfeeel in the way he was breathing and this one deep breathe of yours living him away that way and you wake up with some sound in the kitchen……
And you realise you were again on the couch f1 tv still playing his music still playing…..
It’s barely been 2-3 hours of sleep and this rush to feeeeel him more!!!!!!
It’s one of those feeeeeels charlie that connection even as you wake up and your mind wants to relive it again relive him all over again the same way and just be….
And amidst workout this one find another and that state of mind running high again on imagination and visuals!!!!!!
To this other thing to the list of the zillion wants to live him for real in your post workout moves to feeeel him for real as you do now in his absence…….
How you still donno but the waaaaaaaays it’s always this strong feeeeeeeeel of him over and around through most of your moves like you can that strongly feeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!
It’s almost this surreal trippy experience now everytime you are in that state…
This mind and you like reallyyyyyyyy neeeeed to stop playing some tracks on loop it’s this thing that it’s doing to your mind away and you just can’t stop!!!!!!!
Like it’s this evident what’s going on on the inside outside of you too like shows on your face!!!!!!!
There are these high passion things and then there are these other things tooo…..
To see him shake jump and scream seeing the cockroach again to see him slide over a staircase on his bum like he used to to see him eat kulfi same way to wanting to see him again in his smallest chaddis possible to see him wanting him to scream at you same tone like he used to to suddenly hold you the same way again like he used from the back to holding your hand with that same grip same way again jsut when you are trying to hold him…..
Wanting to see him again live him again adore him again love him again……..
What do you want from him, it’s always been just him…nothing more nothing less than him just the way he is with all that he is…!
Suddenly from that buzz it’s like giving visuals and imaginations to the brain I say!!!!!!
Exactly this thing bout writing him out and it’s like the screen the writing holds you wanting more out of you wanting more him out of you and this feeeeeel the waaaay it grows the more you write out!!!!!!
That very moment as you read that line from him this one rush of things you wish you’d wished could scream out to him……
First and foremost
Wanting every bit of him to evrything…..wanting to do evrythung he told he would we would to trying out that something he mentioned bout when on some holiday like making you try it out to experience something to wanting to go on that early hour long drive out of the city again he talked bout to wanting to say things to him do things to him and wanting it more as you do and live him with…..wanting it every day night and more and sleeping to it waking up to it without having to fear if he would disappear soon as you are up cause that’s something you’ve lived almost all you life witth and just didn’t want to anymore with that fear…
Wanting to live him love him to every sound you that badly wanted to to this recent one too wanting to be with in places wanting to live and love corners of his that you didn’t couldn’t wanting to wake up to watching him sleep wanting to see him sing dance get high with that same look in his eyes wanting to see him play the guitar and sing the same song again…..wanting to get over him and live that exact same moment again of holding his face in your hands and telling him this time how beautiful he was and how madly you still were in love with him withitb that fear of not telling him so and just telling him away!!!!!
Again wanting to have him on your lap exactly the way he used to feeding him things the way he would love you to hold his arm away feel his shoulder away live that beauuuuuty of his daaaadi away live that look in his eyes as he looks at you to live every expression of his every tone and switch of his voice again……
Wanting to again live him in those places and new places too this time wanting to live away love him away and in every way possible there could be…..wanting to also love him the way you watched bout heard bout and are curious to know more it’s this trip of things list of things that we’re rushing through you the second he asks you that question……
Now shouldn’t have had those sips there was a lot more even as she asks you that today……
It’s this thing when some word hits you and you wanna scream it out that bad out of you cause that’s how much it meant to you and of all the people in the world you could t tel him that cause he did mention that clearly being on another track and didn’t want you so!!!!!
This one thing today when the dermat suggests you write down journal down your day and soon as you step out after that crazy stalking stranger moment stopping by for some coffee in the evening and she asks what do you want…
There are some words charlie some statements that always have a ring to it and to you it’s always been this one question ever since he had asked you the very same thing in that chat recently…
I don’t even know what do you want from me……
It hit you hard very hard in the wrong way that is cause the one person that knew you the most well in the world knowing your love for him there was him asking you after telling you that he was almost seeing someone and you in his life don’t wannaaaaaaaaaa go there…..
Soooo yaaaah after telling you that says this and you didn’t even know what to answer to that but there were a zillion billion godzillion things running through you!!!!!
What do you want from the one you’ve ever only felt lived loved almost all your life now…..
Like you wanted to scream away all things out to him but knowing he was on a different lane and asking for a complete diversion from you to be more precise and not hurt yourself more by saying out the actual things he said you didn’t know how were you in the place to share what do you want from him….
Be it today or be it the other thousand times you’ve come across this one line it’s like your mind runs through all those very things you wanted want from him…
Today when she asks you that very moemnt the way your mind just zoned out and lands in to the world of him where you weee actually day dreaming him asking you in his voice to this moemnt when your mom mentions bout the look and the vibe of him for you it’s all one jumbled up bunch of things you just wanna finally write out for your own mind thins you shouldn’t be but just that need to today!!!!!
The word Versova in the episode to your moms comment bout the way he used to look at you and this was something many people had said then……
Be it mango his friend from the gym asking him and you if you were seeing each other and both of us just friends back then joke bout the guy having gone mad and then the guy adds no you are mad have you seen the way you look at her and to that he doesn’t say a word and takes the guy away from you…..
To his sister too saying she had never seen him look at anybody the way he used to look at you to his dad too at the lunch table saying uncle had only seen him look at two things that way one is foodand the other being you…….
And he tells uncle something and the end of discussion there whilst uncle still laughing over it you just living that beauuuuty of him again looking at you across the table…..
It’s these visuals charlie ever since his birthday these lilst of moments and these dreams lately going waaaaay beyond the normalcy level and this thing it’s been doing to your mind…..
This one constant run and rush through your mind and you are actually fuelling it somehow bg writing it out more like you can feeeeeel this urge now to write him more cause the waaaaaaaaay it makes you feeeeel as you write him out more now…..
It’s these feeeeels that’s beyond your senses or logics that makes you feel something that gives you something that just fills up sometimhf in you and you donnooo what it is but it just does something away!!!!!
How do you even define out some logics of the way of love…
What can possibly make you feel happiest is the most random thing for the rest and what and how you feel bout it is another story altogether……
Like you come back home with these many feeeels that actually skip dinner and had to fataaak se take down a few new meow gin just soooooo you can write it out and not stop at all thinking of you should be writing it out or not……
It’s this logic of journaling that you were introduced today……
As when the dermat checks your neck and is shocked by how can ir not possibly itch you as it was a deep tone red and after all examination terms as a stress rash work has been stressful but you think it’s because she shouldn’t possibly come up with a reason that must have caused the rash she calls ir that and asks you to journal your day out and stuff to understand the amount of stress you are taking at work on an everyday basis and in your head even in that very moment you are living this journey of yours of writing out this missing rush for him when he rushes how he rushed and then suddenly why aren’t these rushes happening for real bit all through that chat she was talking bout all this in your head this time of the night writing the him out was the only thing you were thinking bout……
To the second you step out and this is the second time when this very same song is something that randomly stumbles through your day some car slows by and this very song playing tu pehla pehla pyaaaar hai mera…….
And to your other side this one guy walking the other wearing a brown shirt and for some reason the way he looked that familiar on the side from the back like him whilst her still talking bout something you just walk away and follow the guy away to the other side…….
This feeeeeeeel charlie today making sure you don’t go too close but also that neeeeeeeeeeeeeed to just live him away for real and you almost hiding closer to these lil trees fence wise on the side and finally turns around as somebody calls out Anil or something and it wasn’t him!!!!!!
That one droooooooop of a feeeeeeeeeeel is worse much much more worst than any worst drop in some epic track playing!!!!!
Like suddenly you feeel like somebody pushed you out of your dream and you live that fall……
The guy still looking at you standing that way behind this tree and you again same excuse of some call and about turn and her looking at you asks you first thing you should’ve mentioned bout these zoning out habits of yours too it must be cause or that !!!!!!!
To that moemnt now soon as you come mom watching coffee with Karan sipping wine away and suddenly comments he used to look at you with that same feeel like with such determination commenting on Ranveer looking at Deepika!!!!!!
And you shocked ojndrop silence inside wondering she should definitely have more win sometimes………
It’s this feeeeeeeel now again sound playing him rushing and this one question on loop what do you want this buzzzzzzz of him lately like you are this rush highhhhh mind wise mooooof wise and you donnoooo just donnooooo how to tame it down now!!!!!!
A day today like this one a mooooood like this one today right now this buzzzzzzz of him with that one logic!!!!!
Saving the day away cause it’s this one October Magic it was as it’s almost done and this one month alwaaaaaays!!!!!!
When you come back home with these many feeeeeels!!!!
When even the dermat didn’t know why the rash what the rash was and just suggests some anti rash thing!!!!!!!
It’s this hqppppy feeeel strangely now everytime you see your this corner of the neck this red exactly how it used to be by him!!!!!!
This one feeeeeeel everytime this one question you are asked “what do you want!!!!!!
Exact his words again and the waaaaaay it always rushes through you with this long list of wants!!!!!!
When your mom just moments back points you your neck on fire literally and you realise you wokeup with the most beautifully formed neck rash cause that you alone know what it means to you!!!!!
And again when hearing yourself out you feeeel more lunatic like losing it kind but something’s nai something’s they feel like…
There’s no itch just the beauuuuutoful color over your neck just like it used to be by him back then…
Can’t just define out some extra bit of Khushi rushing through you right now everytime you see it on you!!
As you fall asleep with this one sound playing and thaaaaat high on him it’s like every detail of him his hands his fingers palm of his hand sofffffft beautiful hair on his hand his arm shoulder his eyes noseee lipsssssss cheeek daaaadi his that mole near the ear and finding it in that moment like all of him rushing through you in all zoooomed up version to these moments lived with him and you couldn’t stop just feeling your own arms shoulder neck away like thaaaaat high missssing high on him and don’t know when fall asleep……
This turn seconds back now and this strong sense of him like you feeeel it in your chest as your heartbeat changes that pace suddenly and you feel his breathe over your face and this pullllll to go a lil closer and the way that sudden change in his side as he moves to your side instead from over you all of this feeeeels with eyes shut still…….and as you turn along with him that beauuuuuutiful scent of him and you take deeper breathes and the waaaaay he chuckles over it as you sniff his presence away and comes closer like your nose literaaaaally into his chest and by the bareness of his you realise it again was a deeeeeep neck or no shirt kinda himcoming and that rushhhhhh to open your eyes and live him away and you wake up……
Some bond movie still playing akele akele dialogue goes orders of the C and you just donnooo!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaa nothing no one in the world could possibly make you feeeeeeeeeel away all of this the waaaaay anything him does this very moment to be living this side of you lately and wondering how to calm yourself tame yourself down!!!!!!
Chippyyy you were missed more than you’ll ever know like I swear there should’ve been something anything that could possibly Tavel across in some form and let the person know that they are missed by that specific someone only!!!!!
Aisa waisa missing ka nai malooom but mereee itttteeeeee saaaaaaaaare missing ka kuch thooo travel nikalna nai in some form…
The hiiiiiiiighweeestttttt yiuveee beeen this this soooooo highhhhhhhjjjjjhhhhon him like u can’t justeee canttttt hit stop on this on track causeee the ewyyyyyyyyaaaaa it’s makiiiinge you feeeeeeeeeeleeeeeeeee him awayaaaaaaa live him awayaaaaa in loooop every thing him
Every bit of him this minddddd rughteee now!!!!!!!
And with just a few sips down of the drink this THISSSSSSSSSSSS TRIP OF HIM!!!!!!!
All it took is just one sound and thisssssssss mind all of you ever since !!!!!!!!!!!!
How howwwwww howwwwwwwwwwwwewwwws only you are missededddddddddddd if you onlyyyyyyy had the fracruonmost ideaaaa bhi!!!!!!!
Like if scream loud enoughhheeee n it teachhhhes him somehowwwwweeeeee n making himeeee realise he was missssed by youueeeee!!!!!!
This one souuun dddddd n you just can’t hekooo but play it on loooop!!!!!!!
From THAT stadium lane to the chai galli and soon as you are there this Škoda on one side and you ask to park there take a picture and live him there for a bit that lane that viiiiibe there same time around back then…..
Like it was a lil cold there today too and some chai wala passed by and driver asks if you wanted to get one and you skip it instead and on your way home from there……
Like from that moment to finding this track and this state of mind you already were in everything almsot exaaaact same vibe what affect he used to have on you to think of it now even writing it now has the same almsot impact now too even in absence……
Kya kyu aisa nai maloooom charlie like to relive these versions of him today there be it the friendship madness bachpan love passion post distance love again and then this…..
And then to feeeeeeel him over your pillow almost every night literally answering away all your doubts questions of the day away like he was there to tell you show you make you feel his love away with his actions or words sometimes…..
Like it all feeeels that real sometimes steps beyond than what you’d lived with him for real to live that side too and then real mein this absence this block and this wait for some sign any sign to feel this connection with your dream him and the real him to make yoruself feel less lunatic to feeeeel all this away like today in your way back the waaaaaaaay the mind the body evrythung on the inside feeeeeeeing that much him away with that sense of your core belonging to someone not just on the outside!!!!!
One memory and this rushhhhhh of all those very moments lived and that feeeeel of him over around you and in that moment too that feeeeeel of becoming belonging with every bite taste and kiss!!!!!
It’s like the more you live those live that someone something in you in an auto mode becomes more and more to that person like you don’t even belong to yourself anymore like imprinted stamped kinda vibe……
It’s that sense of everything put together at once and there was this one time at opera you actually stop him in the middle of it and ask him after this tell me what after this like you were in that rush to just know to just live more to feeel more and that’s when he says no karely not going below the pants ok in that tone of voice and you didn’t even understand what he meant by that but by then he did drop you at that embarrassment level and your curious mind wanting to know more as you remember him having to step out and you know shouldn’t be writing it all out but like today just have to need to this state of mind and missing like you just neeed to get it out…….he steps out and comes back in not feeling right and you ask him how you can help him somehow and he nods away saying he wasn’t in pain but it was beautifully different and steps out again and asks you not to look this side and yet you do and he comes back in again…….
Noooob no completely and the waaaay he actually maintained that with you which he shouldn’t have!!!!!
This feeeeeeeeeeling of everytime being that close to like THAT close to even in that meet at his Dd space that meet living a moemnt for the first time and hoping wishing maybe this time he will stay…maybe this time will happen!!!!
The only person you ever lived with felt with feared sometimes and then loved with and that close to after waiting for that long!!!!! This long!!!!!!!
Also why this one track find today his words from the dd meet Versova meet saying the very same words almost louder louder cause you were LOUD!!!!!!
Also why he would play the music loudest possible knowing you that well!!!!!!
Okaaaaaaaaaaaay now maybe gottaaa slow down the wiritjgn as this mind right now this shift in you can feeel it when you had to suddenly take the sweatshirt off as an hour back it was the coldest and suddenly now not so much anymore!!!!!
Like from there to back to the stadium lnabe and just bout to take that lane and there it was the epic cement truck like all that was left apart from him for real to live that feeeel of all the chummis chummied there in that very same lane and entire locality I say!!!!
Again ask to go slow cause there was you trying to make your way in your mind theofub that jungle back then in that same place and reliving that rush of just waiiiiting to be there like you could feeeel that strong rush between you both to just be there at the stadium cause that was also your mini makedo opera same back then…
And this one time actually actually lived him and HOW there was when he kept saying beech beech mein that I think we must leave and you just couldn’t move away from him couldn’t keep yoruself away from him and the waaaay him always being the more responsible and sensible one in these things kept saying over n over again and this one time that siren sound and the way he goes I told youuuuu let’s leave bolke and a lil angry gives you the instruction away and locks your door and this one cop just wouldn’t move from your window asking you to lower the window and he actually comes to this side and covers your window with his back against it…..
They finally leave and he gets back in the car and first thing he instead says is a sorry for saying that and you apologise instead and the waaaaaaaay he says that I was sorry for asking you not to want me the way you did which is why you didn’t want to leave that early or move away from me and holds you again…….and again how besharamly and actually without fear at it again……..
Only after a few mins finally decide to leave it was that feeeeeeeeeel charlie like you know loving someone something that bad living it for the first time in that way without any fear of touch and actually wanting to touch him feeeeel him live him loooove him as you do like losing yoruself and not wanting to be found again not wanting to get back to senses and actually staying that way…….it was also the first time he actually showed you what it was like to have his color of love over you….that was your first one!!!!!
As you move out from there and he stops suddenly turns the car light on and asks you to completely turn towards him and you do and raise your neck as he asks you to and he literally screams with a aiiiiishaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aisa kaisa jaaaati tu ghar come off to my place only instead Teri maaa maaar dalti tujhe if she sees this!!!!!
And you don’t get it cause you didn’t know of it obvsly and he pulls out the oopar wala mirror of your side and show you and it was a deep red with a big one over your neck and you look at him and that one look in his eye and that feewwwwwel of being drawn again and you go closer and he does it again and that smiiiiiileeeeee on him watching you not react at all to that…
It was a beauuuuuuuutkful feeeeeeeling charlie like to know understand that logic of having a color of love that moment that rush that feeeeel being imprinted on you like that and the waaaay he slowly adds saying it actually stays for a few days and that smiiiile again watching you feel all happy bout that like you remember it was late evening and the way as driving he keeps looking at you beech beech mein not taking his eyes off your neck and eyes….
Cause that’s HOW happy it used to make you!!!!!!
To the THE galli of his place his Bachpan school passing by to his galli with the Maharana statue to the galli just beside where he meets you in that first meet post bup to just at that mall where back was ratnadeeo or some store where he takes you finally for Aamla back then and watches you picking them up and the way you do he comes close cause there was some aunty standing right beside and the way he comes closest like he never did before…all of him that close to your body and does a hmm look at him and realise he was THAT close to you and says something looking you in the eye and you actually lose sense of sound for the first time cause you couldn’t hear a word what he had said just him standing there looking you in the eye and you lost yourself and he says again and it shakes you up and you finally hear him say……you don’t really know how to pick veggies nai and that qdooooooorabke smile and you just nod away saying a no he pushes you aside and starts to take it out for you…
This aunty comes over saying very lucky haan or something like that and passes by and him looking at you chuckling away that adoooooorably and you lost again…….as he goes on talking bout how to pick the right Aamla which he actually tells you didn’t know either he just loved the way you were watching him as he was talking and discussing in depth about the amlas which he had no clue bout the right kind of aamla….cause that’s exactly how you were living that beauuuuty of him away there was that pullllll charlie like you know you see someone and everything in you suddenly feels electrified magnetised like you live that experience that pull like beeeeeinf drawn away and losing and finding yourself back again in that very same space and person…
To you all those moemnts living him away his beauuuutoful details away was all and more of that!!!!!
That very same mall today as you err taking a picture and just a lil ahead bunch of cops with masks and stuff of all cars just stop yours asking to take it aside……
Take your glasses off take the scarf over and that fear and that’s exactly when you hear his voice the sound of him saying no matter what don’t get out or lower your window…
Driver gets out they check the boot and stuff and 4 of them come to your side of the window asking you to lower the window down and in your head looking to the other side shutting your eyes away his words his voice on loop saying the same thing over n over again one look around they were still there saying it again and you take your fone pretending to make some call and they finally let you go….
In that moment more than the fear of them asking you to come out or lower the window the beauuuuuuty of his voice his words on loop even in that tensed situation how why what still doesn’t make sense cause back then it was a completely different scenario why he had said that and whaghteeeee scenario it was for!!!!!
It’s this change in the pace of your heart beat as it comes closer like that shift in you that change in you just bout at the Nacharam signal taking a straight when the bakery is gone but some new sweet place and you ask to slow down from there on…..
It’s this feeeeeeeeeeel charlie closer to the bakery like you feeeel it over your shoulder that feeeeeel of leaning over to the side and you actually do and that feeeeeeel of him like your most fav place in the world your most fav scent in the world!!!!!!!
As slow ahead and you ask to take the other turn he used to from the masjid to the stadium galli and been there after years the last time you were in that galli was with him dropping you back home playing his kaya project for the first time and the waaaay it was completely transformed with this big apartment it wasn’t all wild wild anymore like back then it was one jungle that also was one of your spots….
Hiding away amidst the bushes in his car in his sisters car sometimes like that was another of your corners……
And you knew at that point of the evening almost the sun shines the brightest on that side of the stadium view like you were that SURE of it cause you loooooooooved seeing him in that evening sunlight crisp and cold late winter evening when he would drop you home from that galli taking a longer route home is when he would take that galli instead and the sun from your side falling over him like he would lean back a lil jsut so you could live that beauuuuuuuuuty of him with that light shining over him…….
And he would turn to you sensing you were upto something and there it was your most looooooved nose twitch expression of his with that pout with that light all over him!!!!!
And how you looooooooooooooved it back then!!!!!
To there’s no susu place anymore thankfully which again he would ask you to look the other side tieqy watching that sunlight theofub that fence there with frame after a frame fence after fence there was all him charlie that beauuuuuuuutkfully all HIM!!!!!!
Like you loooooooved that moment that you asked the driver to take two more rounds to just liiiive away that feeeeeeel of him within the frames and the fences like it was that official today that sudhakar thinks you are twisted with the looks you were getting today!!!!!
But it was that feeeeeeeel charlie to just let yourself be and feeeeeeeeeeeel him away all of him away now that you were in his place finally and of all days today…
Starts off with the Khushi lil tea centre at the jubilee beside some hospital thing the chai place morning morning post that walk at the kbr in that failed attempt of the first chummi……
To this rally of the pinky and live that moment of the meboobabad magic in the middle of nowhere….
Like you ask driver again as that was the village the driver belonged to and ask again it’s mehboobabad right like you loooooooved saying it over n over again as his picture of Gulmohar rushes through you as you say it……
To a lil more door and this one car that says Bombay service something and that feeeeeeeeel like one of those days that beauuuutifully designed for you with most number of cars with 86 or 2727 or 72 passing by and you were loving every bit of it to that Chetak motor service thing that had a bigger banner saying Chetak carnival and your mind reads intentionally as Chetan carnival and whatteee carnival it reads!!!!!
This thing happened at the shoot too the other day when the model says she tried a smoky eye specially for the deep tone Anarkali in your head this one song of his playing in one earplug which you mostly do when shoots and you actually say out your mood and state of mind by oh whatteee Smokey it is in the chillar most tone possible and it cracks everyone around yo noticing that side of you……and you pindrop silence with her asking commenting how she had never seen that side of you and excuse yourself with some call bahanaa and change the song immmeddiately!!!!
Is when you realise how it used to open happen only with him passing chillar comments on him and the waaaaay he used to get embarrassed in the way you would sometimes comment in when he looked really good like made an effort to actually dress up with you also and you used to do this when out…..
To today when you read that banner in your head as reading out his name that one feeeeeeeeel like you almost struggled to not smiiiile awaaay that much akele akele and hood back your expressions cause it was that clear in the rear view like you had to keep a check on that too if you are smiling too much or that expression is that clear enough what’s on your mind in that moment!!!!!
Like the second memory jumps into your mind and then to be at work pretend with a face with a mind that’s not just you today and right when she was talking bout this new Zardozi master with that fellow standing there whether to finalise that guy or the other you just get up and ask sudhakar to take the car out….
With her still asking what where you are going we need to check on this today but in that moment to just relive him that close THAT close from his chummi close up this morning to actually feeeeeeeeeel him eat your face away in the middle of the work that you were attending to you just couldn’t be there anymore cause you felt that feeeeeeeeeeelinf of being held pulled drawn away and HOW!!!!!
Just text her a sorry you just had to and leave!!!!!
Mom calling her calling master calling your fone and mind on mute work mode and play his music and ask the driver to take to Nacharam……cause that’s the destination the driver knows well not beyond that…
The driver too knows your geography skills now and asks if want to go on google map and that feeeeeeeeel ayyyaaaaaaa prolly the only place that you have and know by your heart and soul just like his number are these few places…
Like you may again forget this street from yesterday but his places these spaces n corners of him atygaaaaaaaaa that’s your heart and life right there……
This complete viiiiiibe it was today from heading there in a certain mood to actually coming back with another moooood altogether…
First let’s go back to where and how this day actually did come out!!!!!
From waking up to a dream like that one and even at work you your mind keep playing it on loop intentionally and actually pretending like you are listening and at work with full focus changing the table setting camera setting working on new staff change suddenly as it’s not working out with these new guys at work like it’s that much stress to finish the pending work and these guys aren’t capable enough for it…..
Like amidst all this tension there you are blinking away with a yes or no and inside inside smiiiiiling away with those sexyyyyy glimpses of him from the dream this morning like you couldn’t stop playing his lips suuuuperzooomed in version and then to have the straight face on……
To for some reason that chummi of his right under your building morning morning rushes through in between the discussion and you just get off cause that was SOME gooooosebumpy memory recall like suddenly every nerve in your suddenly full force alive and awakened and HOW!!!!!!
Comes over morning morning and asks you to come down immmediately without even saying a why or what and you run to him wondering what was wrong cause he was in that hurry having to be somewhere and asks you to come running down……
Soon as you go down standing out ask him what happened and he asks you to get in immediately soon as you do usually he always used to check around for people or spaces before getting into a moemnt like that one and it never never used to be under your building aur who bhi broad day light…..
He suddenly holds your face away and chummis your face with an intense one like real intense one that makes you lose sense of evrythung around or outside or surrounding like losing yourself compleeeeetely kinda chummi…..
Only after the moemnt as he moves a lil and you see him and that feeeeeeeel like whooooeewww what was that even and you realise there was this uncle having the time of his life standing out and watching you both…..
And you just look back at him and he that adoooooorably says can’t leave you going home like this and takes you off to chai galli for more moments……back then over the call he mentions soon as he saw the uncle he didn’t want you to get out and the uncle to know where you stayed and all so he actually takes you out for a bit instead…….
But to you back then you were most happy being caught like that cause that way you got to live more of his rush that day ayyyaaaaaaaaaa something’s you write and relive now!!!!!!!
How godsmaccckinglyfunckinglucky did you get in life ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaa you were missed and HOWWWWWWW NOWWWWWWWSWWWWWWW!!!!!!
When you come back home with your heart and all of you this THIS FULL OF HIM!!!!!
Like every drop of blood veins gushing with all things him like a rush to this level when all of you years away longs away every bit of him to all of him away like this!!!!!
It’s that peak level of rush rushing through you for him right now!!!!
When you come back home feeling luckiest blessed in the world for having found a Him like HIM!!!!!
There are billions of people in the world charlie a mil almost in Hyderabad itself and there are a thousand gyms almost getting into golds gym and the last min you change and pick this one instead and of all the faces and walks in the world this one catches your attention the first guy walk man walk that holds you like you can’t move don’t wanna move and want to wait there for him to come to you and the waaaaaaaay he does…..like that close to you and slowly proper filmy style slow mo mein lifts his head up and that one look in the eye and thaaaaaats when it hits you you were held by him without him even touching yih for the first time…….there you were lost in him lost in the waaaaaaay his aura his vibe holds you away and you wait for him to come close and that need to see him seee his face and that one moment!!!!!!!
Beeen that way forever now held you away for LIFE I say!!!!!
Moemnts with visuals first…….
There comes that very rare sound that resonates this beauuuuutofully with your exact state of mind like every visual every moemnt with him every word and action of his this beauuuuutifully insync with this one sound……
This one beauuuuutofully very sexy sound again had to be one of his ofcourse……
The maroon 5 almost naked eve likes lady in all red wallpaper over his phone back then…
This THIS state of mind and this me time fiiiiinally!!!!!
Eating food and you are steugglllllling to keep a straight face on like to get a hold on your expressions and mind for now and that constant direct indirect comment on how something’s up on your mind as you mom has dinner along!!!!
And now you just had to write out this RUSHHHHHHH of him that’s rushing through you now and this waiiiiiiiit to just write out a day like this one today!!!!!!!
Kittuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaa abiii khaaate khaaaate tum kitttaaaaa zoooorse yaaaad are jiii when even bhindi fry looks this beautiful cause it’s his fav!!!!!
How do you even hide this face after having lived THAT FACE and HOWWWWWW TODAY!!!!!
One accidental find of his maroon 5 and now intentionally making it all this beauuutifully worse by playing this one track on loop imagination and your mind both running on a wild mode and HOW!!!!!
This beauuuuuuty of these memories his corners lived with this sound of music now!!!!
When your awake or AWAKENED mind tricks you in your waking state!!!!!
Sitting sideways with his Enrique playlist on loop and doing things away to your mind with flashes of him rushing through you eyes shut and this for a bit like your head was over his shoulder you could almost smell the scent of him for a min literally like it actually felt like his shoulder and the scent of him……..
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa this mind aaaaj tho heights I say!!!!!!
When you miss me just listen to my music and find me all over you!!!!!!!
Quite literally even in the waking state this very moment!!!!
Op n your eyes to see it was a jam with a psyyyyychedelic display of lights this mind can feeeeel the him buzzzz hitting now slowly slowly!!!!!!
Of all the cars in the world it had to be his same blue Škoda in the chai galli parked exact same way with one door open for chai!!!!!
Day is the maaade!!!!!!!
As weird or awkward it gets no matter what!!!!!
When sudhakar gives the weirdest of looks as you keep stopping in his places for pictures and videos wondering all the way here for this…….
This is something no matter who you share with or anything they just wouldn’t get the beauty of living him in his places and the waaaaaaay all these corners still this beauuuuuutifully laced with him like every memory this clear like it was just yesterday…..
To finding almost wvey car with number 86 or 27!!!!!
Luckiest in the world for having found HIM I swear!!!!!
Some days like this!!!!!!
Right at the aamla mall place when the cops of all cars stops yours driver gets down for the car check and his words rush through you karely no matter what don’t get down…
The cops asking you to lower the window or get down and you get on the fone like calling someone the driver talks mins later they let you go without you getting down or lowering the window…
Beauuuuuuuuutoful moments of absolute madness n hint of magic!!!!!
Of all the places of all the cars it had to be yours and of all the days it had to be today when these were the exact memories rushing through you right now…
Kitttuuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaa tummmmm aisaaaaa waisaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaa yaaaad aaaare ji…
Like even in that moment a lil scared with that many cops full force asking to get down or lower window and just his words rushing and inside lil talk no matter what won’t I say!!!!!!
His adoooooooooooorabke tone of voice in tensed moments like these teh waaaaaay he would that cuuuutely be all strict with you and making sure you follow his instructions!!!!!
Auyyaaaaaaaa finding moments like these and you justvknowwwww it’s in the air!!!!!!
See this pinky rally of the cm in the next lane with band baajaa and ask the driver if it was something today minitsebrelayed and adds that it’s some meeting at mehboobabad and that feeeeeeeeel of some words…
His story years back of gulmohars and over it written as mehboobabad instead of Mahbubabad as you read it today too on the banners which is the actual spelling ayyyaaaaaaaa exaaaaacrly what you’ve been missing lately random signs of his for real mein so this lunacy of yours finds some meaning…….and doesn’t feeel all this akele akele like giving adding meaning to your dreams…
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa singggg miyaaaaaa how only you were missed abhiiiiiii k abhiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!
Another day of absolute madness streak when you walk out yet again in between to just get away from it all!!!!!
Am telling you charlie this one month and the waaaaays it brings out THIS side of you that traces back to when with him…
It’s just this neeeeeeeed to be close to everything him and away from everything else just so you can feeeel him away the mostest without any interruptions or unnecessary faces to deal with…
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that THAT one him in the world for you and how only it has made you into this !!!!!!!!!
THE himcoming like THIS one!!!!!!
It was a baaaaaaaaaaaad food poisoning yesterday with that sandwich for lunch and even after all that throwing up and weird feel last night this morning having passed out again while writing and this one turn or something and this sudden shake like literally shaking you up…..
And you just go hmm hmm and that SOLID shake again sniff around to check and that scentttttt of him just like the few days back drive and that pulllll along with that scent of him and you turn and the way he moves his hand over your face in a rush like roughly moving his hand over your face and you actually say it out again haan uth gayiii and the second you open your eyes like even in sleep you were sure you will wake up but you didn’t…..
There he was this time different this deep red tone but same fabric shirt same deep wide unbuttoned style of his and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looooked that sexiiiiiily gorgeous and that first thing you say tu ye color pehle kabhi nai pehnaaa nai and that nod of his as he comes closer and you move a lil back to check him and his wide neck out the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looked that sexxxxxxed up in that color charlie like his face had that beauuuutoful glow his eyes same super sleeeepy and even as you were liivngbloooving his details away that rush in him and the waaaay he holds you away chumming you over the shoulder your arms just in that rush chumming your presence away and you keep saying merku waha nai proper chummi hona like you try to move and he tightens his grip over not wanting to move you and you that BAAAAAAAADLY wanted to chummi his face away and you keep shaking trying to move just so you could and this one you shouldn’t have try to move and you wake up……
That fataaaak se feeeeling even in sleep as body wise it was a weird state but mind that beauuuuuuuuuuutifulky high on him looking all things that he was!!!
Fataaak se talk out actually akele akele okk wapis and you try to sleep back just hoping wishing he would come again same way to waking up fibalky sometime back with this mind is getting more lunatic day by day I swear!!!!!
If only these dream signs of his love for you like even quarter percent of these signs were happening for real as you waiiiiiit for some sign from him you wouldn’t have felt this way everytime you talk out akele akele in that rush of a moment and question your own sanity away…….
A day like this one already and that him in that shirt in that way playing on looooooop right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The things and waaaaaaaays you’ve dreamt him in I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!
Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeooooooous sexxxxxeupppppppp lil big adooooooooooorabkr thing how only you were missed subah subah!!!!!!!!
Now as you write and this need to shut your eyes to relive that sound of him over the call that night!!!!!!
That sound of him smiling that sound of his chuckle and you realising how the sound of someone smiling could make you this happy away like you were loving his sounds too the variations in his smile and adoooooorabke chuckles it was that beauuuuuuuutoful sigh soon after you tell him you loved him…….like even before hanging up he asks you to say it again and you do and says one more time and you do hang up and you message him the same and he again calls asking one more time!!!!!!
To the next day coming to pick you up for the gym soon as you get in that one biiiiiiigest smile possible on him and the waaaaaay he says he was waiting for that moment all night and asks you again haaaaan tho kyaa hua again……
Some visuals this beauuuuutifully clear the waaaaaay he just couldn’t look straight on the road and you keep telling him that to him asking and that first time brings his elbow closer to yours touches away slightly like pushing a lil and that smiiiileee again!!!!!!
To you that first touch like it meant evrythung cause it didn’t shake you it didn’t move you with fear or discomfort but the waaaaaaaaaay it just felt to realise that feeeeeel……
Like before that there were his kicks at the gym as you workout he would come next to you kick your feet away asking you to finish early to go downstairs for coffee or him pulling your hair off the pony at the gym as you used to do the side weights but that felt different!!!!!
Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa like even writing out that moemnt now his smiiiiiiile had your pooooor ka pooooora heart his face did become your complete heart his hands his smiiiile the way his nostrils used to flare a lil with that specific smile and his tongue a lil almost out closer to lips not poora out kinda smiiiiile like you could feeeeeel his smile reaching his stare kinda viiiiibe of his smile!!!!!!
The more you write ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa longest it’s been to feeeeeeeeeel to liiiive that moment!!!!!!!
To back home and you knew on the inside you weren’t the same anymore……
He leaves a text late at night like to think of it now your sleeping time used to be 10-10:30 maaaaax and he messages lil later than that and that timing he knew too thanks to the Diwali calls all day and when you tell him you were almsot asleep and he messages asking what time do you go to bed and you mention the same time and he replies with will remember this from now on……
To this one later that night and he messages asking if he could call and also adds that saying sure you haven’t sleep till now…..
And you weren’t in the balcony reliving him away is when he messages you……calls you and random talks to this one talking bout the movie and how simply beautiful the movie was talking bout characters and stuff and you tell him interrupting him thanking him for taking you out for the movie……and that beautiful pause after for a very long time and smiles away asking aur and you go back to the movie and he goes on with it and then you ask him anything else and he says something else like yaha waha talk and then he asks you aur kuch tho hua aaj apart from movie and you asking him the same with these repeats of the same thing……and that feeeeeel that wait in you for him to say something and him doing the same……
Finally it was like ok let’s meet tomo and stuff and good night and hang up…..
And he messages the same thing again soon as you hang up asking hua and you reply with something happened and he immediately calls again and asks again saying if you are waiting for me to say it first it will only be a wait or soemthing and you tell him something happened and he asks what and you mention Love… and as you do stil looking up talking to him that very second another shooting star and you tell him I’m in love with you and he that happpppppppily adds I’ve always been in love with you I love you too!!!!!!
There was that surety in him charlie the way he looked at you like you could see it in him see it in the way he used to look at you could feeeeeel that vibe that strongly like it used to draw you closer to him like all of him inside pulling you closer without even touching you kinda vibe…….
Like everything in you being drawn that strongly towards him like you could feeel it in you and that’s always been there even in those post bup meets that same feeeeeeeel in the way he used to look at you he wouldn’t say the same thing like he used to pehle but the waaaaay everything in him used to those very same things away like the viiiibe that same pull that same way he used to look at you…..it’s that feeeeeeel charlie when you feel you are being loved away and HOW in just the way just by the way someone looks at you your details and you feel loved !!!!!!!
Soooooooo yaaaaaaaah!!!!!!
Like he was that sure of you in his life to try and capture the moment like the start of it all like he for sure knew it already…….
And you try to cover the face takes the shot and that smiiiiiile as he sees the picture and that pause and that perfect word……ask him to show and just that feeeeeeeel of seeing a picture of you apart from your mom or brother first time by somebody and to just seee him that happppppy seeing your hand picture too it’s like you see someone that fond of you like visually live that realisation was something else!!!!!
From that moment to the drive there and back all the while that one face of his that ONE him and you were living him away like you’d never lived someone wanted to live see the details of someone felt that pull felt that need to be around and close to someone felt that extra something new feel that you’d never felt before that wasn’t like anything you’d ever felt before……
Like you could literallllllly feeeeeeel your heart smile away the biggest smile possible on the inside just seeing him being him that beauuuuuutifully just him his chuckle his walk him driving and sitting the way he used him nose twitching away and you loving every bit of him and to just feeeeeeeeeeel that way for someone like everything bout him was making you that happppppppy on the inside just someone’s presence charlie makes your day like none of the moments before and this one presence after this transition in you and in your day like you’d never experienced before……
When he wasn’t being razaakh for the first time that day and was just being him and HOW!!!!!!!!
From the movie to coming out with this feeeel that felt beauuuutofully different to the waaay you this clearly remember he just didn’t stop smiling like always the way he knew it before you what was going on inside you…
And get in the car and he asks you if he can take you to some place instead of heading home and you just nod and he adds it’s a lil far and you nod again…….
On the way random talks and the way you just couldn’t take your eyes off him the waaaaaaaaaay just his vibe felt the waaaay it felt like the safest you’d ever felt in your life the way it felt like you already were that much loved it just all felt that different almost at Sanghi and he slows down to this street of both sides with Gulmohar and the way it makes you go wowww and he pulls over to the side asks you not to get down as the street was deserted and he goes to this one corner picking out Gulmohars in different colors and you just watching him with that feeeeeeel of right from the start that presence of his made you feel something that you’d never felt before in your life for a man…….
To just live him his details his smiles his every expression his walk his move the way all of him felt and you couldn’t take your eyes off him not missing out on any smile or expression and he comes back in giving you the flowers away and takes his phone immediately……..like to think of it now charlie he knew you were going to be married you knew you were and yet amidst all those complications he was THAT sure of you in his life AGAIN somethjngs you write!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kyaaaaaaa thooooo bhiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!
This suddenl fataaaaaak drop something’s feel like no ekdum seee!!!!!
It was all rushing through you that silence there and losing yourself to find him and realising how much you still love him to realise this feeeeel this ultimate reality of your life how beautiful it is to just realise you love him more than the previous year……..
To relive that night and realise just a night of difference from the before and the after and the waaaaaay him just being that beauuuuutifully him changed your life away for life…
That silence of his from that night to be able to hear him breathe as he waits for you to say it instead to not say a thing for longer cause that’s how much you already were in love with to the sound of his breath too over the phone…
Like you could sense the variation in his breathe as you wait and listen like he was talking through it literally with every breath…
To the shooting stars magic and just some days back to read and discover on some insta page that the month of October is known as the meteor shower month of the year and that night too must be one of those nights…….
As you watch the shootings stars and tell him over the cal the direction of it and he rushes to his terrace to see it and you tell him right left and all of that just seconds before telling him you were in love are in love with him…
Beautifully strange are the ways of love when you write we’re in love and realise it never was a were……..
Something’s you write and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel fataaak se!!!!!!
Once at work when you get off half way and that comment from the manager too as she was trying to finalise and explain things but it’s this thing charlie this month this one month of your life is when you are more on this Him mode…
And there’s this exclusive mode almost you are on and beyond that even if you try to can’t feel a thing…….your mom on speaker as you were just bout to leave and the way she says some days she can’t reach you even in your presence like you are just not here even being very much present and you just couldn’t stop smiling realising that it was all that evident and you tell her you are out wil be a lil late home…
Book a cab which made you realise today auto would’ve been much cleaner and you finally head out to this Balaji temple at jubile hills as it has the on top of a hill vibe like his Sanghi temple…
Like you needed that peace somehow from somewhere that made you feel somehow closer to him…….
Once there it only felt ajeeber loneliest you’ve felt in a long long time!!!!!!
Maybe that’s what happens when you are loved too much and when you relive that love on some days it hits you harder than you are prepared to feel away today that one hour there was all and more bout those very feels….
From seeing the moon through those blocks as the mind diverts to the block and that feeeeeeeel why of all days today you had to notice the block the block block kinda block……..
It’s been one day some day literally!!!!!
From heading to work early to get the lighting and cameras fixed and then half way through the work and this meeting for making changes or cancelling Pret wear thing like it was a do or don’t thing and half way through it you just couldn’t anymore get up in the middle and head out!!!!!
The driver off since last 3 days for festival and today of all days you struggled the most cause this neeeeed to be one of his places any place and you couldn’t cause of the driver issue……
Morning morning your mom talking bout some Pooja and your mind tuned in another mode everytime this day of the year or these days rather…
And you just walk around numb and your mom asks you again if you heard and then comments how on some sounds you seem more mad like you at walking around not hearing a thing not feeling a thing and that one inside scream if only they knew like really not FEEL A THING ???!!!!!!!!
There’s this ocean rush rushing gushing inside of you feeeeeeeeelinf him all away and HOW and that’s when you are in this disappear mode for the world like outside visible inside absolutely in another world like you can’t just can’t feel a thing beyond!!!!!
When the day turns out to be more adventurous literally than what you were prepeated or hoping for!!!!!
From protesting to food poisoning at the end of the day this one thing constant suddenly waking up now…
This one night that night and the way it always brings back that magical vibe of that night…
Love him stronger now with every passing year…
Chippy you were missed much much more than the previous year…!
Some days and you only feel it that much more strongly slightest of idea nai lilst feeeeel bhi of the ways you can miss someone and hope wish for them to feel atleast almost there!!!!!!!!
When both mom at the start of the day to now the manger had the same comment!!!!!
One date of the year you go completely suddenly maaad out of nowhere when you snap out of work cause you just had toooo!!!!!!!
This one month and soooo many dates that gave you Him and this neeeeeed to just live him away and just be instead of having to see unnecessary faces and attending to something your soul today doesn’t permit you to!!!!!
Been like this forever now this one date of the year…!
If THIS is not magic not sure what else could prolly be!!!!!!!
This mood shift just reliving the same time bac then reliving him from that day moemnts with him living his details and loving each detail of his that much…..
This song amidst the Prateek playlist plays and few lines after Iktara…
Never heard this track before and of all the days it had to be today…
Chippy you were missed the most today and again if you only knew lilst bhi!!!!!!!!!!
Ironically happy tears finding this one of all days today!!!!!!!
The date that changed your life for life !!!!!!!!!!
Wake up Sid date…!
Can never be thankful grateful enough for having found Him!!!!!!!!
This mind this mooooood ever since the morning him coming aaj tho…
Come home early and just be leg up music playing ignoring work calls and texts away and any human interaction possible cause it’s a mooooooooood aaaaaj tho!!!!!!
That demands just being THIS lost in all him every to all of HIM and HOWWWWW!!!!!!’n
That one him for life and this you aaaj tho!!!!
Living a side of you like this one after very long!!!!!!
Some dates on the calendar …!
Like if the dream alone wasn’t enough that need to live him more and you get to workout and this first track list and something bout it right from the start the vibe the sound the beat evrythung bout it the waaaaay it was bringing him along…
It’s like frame by frame one visual to the other to this sudden trip of zoomed up versions of him his facial details his expressions his smiles his that shy highhhhh smile of his his that just that beauuuuutkfully high smile of his to that no smile stare that every single time transformed you away!!!!!
What it was how it was just with the flow this something it just did to your mind imagining him things with him in your waking state and amidst a workout that too!!!!!
Maybe this is something you never felt before it just felt that different that state of mind suddenly zoning out from where you are to actually living him upclose and not just living him like your mind literally living doing things away!!!!!!!
And in between all this to realise this thing bout reading somewhere weeks bout masculine energy and feminine energy that some part you are drawn to specifically that does it for you in love…….and to you apart from all of him it’s always been his shoulder and arms to feel him over his shoulder to feeel his arms away when hugging you like you loooooooooved it even in hug as he feels your back you just looooooooved feeeelinf his arms away his shoulder away…….to that feeeeel of him holding you from behind by your shoulder that feeeeel of being all wrapped around and with him!!!!!!!
Things you are writing out things your mind is feeeeeling away this state of mind it’s taking and landing you in and you know it’s only going to make it worse for you but this beauuuuuuuuty of some sounds and the waaaaaaays it can make your mind experience feeeeeeel away things this deeeply even in the absence of him…
Like you remember feeling him more deeply those only 2 times that you’d smoked up like your eyes feeeeeeeeeling away every detail of his as you live the waaaay this morning workout actually felt like almsot same as that experience how you still donnooo!!!!!
Am telling you charlie it’s that black shirt Himcoming magic that he comes with!!!!!!
This mind already now!!!!!!!
Back then you didn’t know what ecstasy he used to mention bout to now live this experience this with some sound to live feeeeeeel him this way was something else!!!!!!!
This mind this face this rushhhhhhhhhhhhhh today this buzzzzz today like you can’t stop smiling and feeeeling this goosebumppppped feeeeeeling literally!!!!!!
This mind right now one strong visualisation I swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
