Weird times…

 There are these weird times also sometimes now post workout you are bout to stretch with that wait and then you suddenly just be there wondering what’s the point now!!!!

And you skip it instead, and some strong moment at work or some place out just comes across telling you making you feel otherwise and with that another stronger pull back to him…

It’s that also weirder time when you wake up from a stronger dream of his with him telling you otherwise showing that much love away and you wake up realising the reality and stil wondering if this is what it is then what was that that you just felt…

Some days you are still lost even small steps towards a cafe or store has you wondering where you are heading to as lil as that and as random as that and some music there happens or some visual that strongly that brings him along and gives you that strong sense of him…..which is not just your mind but a co incidence of that strong level!!!!!

Still writing as the buzz settles a bit wondering why stays till the dream and not after the waking up too if was for really real…it would’ve been you instead nai!!!!!

Mind going back to logics exactly why you stayed away from writing out in detail and seat belting your mind away!!!!!!

Happiness!!!!!

 Pehle pehle it used to sometimes leave you in that zone of mind to very recently too when you suddenly felt that lost and tried to keep your mind off him!!!!

Week goes by without a single dream or feel of him and then he comes along saying talking stuff in dream that you would rather not write out cause hope I say to read out a hope like that one could again make you lose your mind all the more cause he that strongly spoke bout it….that it took you the longest ever to make sense with it being a dream and not him really real….

Like that sort of in a weird way made it a lil better again!!!!!

Also why when you feeel him relive him nuances of him away like you did today at the coffee place it makes you rise and fallllll droooowwwwen in love with him all over again and also that one inside talk in that very moment she better love him as he every bit of it deserves the most!!!!!

One of those rarest of wonders of the world I say!!!!!

And for that time you got the luckiest in the world for having come across him lived him looooved him and for having found too many best of people in him…

Be it your first best friend your first and only love to a possessive mom in him to having found a father you never had, in him……also why as much as Father’s Day distrbds you it makes you happy also for having found that care protection bond love in and from him in that way…where he sometimes also used to call himself that!!!!!!

It’s that’s strong something that forms within your core charlie that you can’t deny of can’t hide or run from…it’s that one bond formed for life kinda thing with him right from the very start…that didn’t change with time or with the absence even!!!!!!

It’s that one level of something that it brings to you be it that sense of calm beautiful chaos or wild wind of passion or that state or serenity or elevated level of mad happiness or akele akele blushing away sometimes…

It’s that one thing something that’s become you over time now…!

What how or why still is something can never make any sense of what so ever!!

Visuals n feels!!!!!

 Finding him in random of moments and dialogues and visuals and places!!!!!!

It’s a joy beyond anything else!!!!!!

Cause that’s what and how he has always meant to you!!!!!!

It’s that one string strongly connected to him inside you that just gets pulled away with the slightest of anything him like no matter what you are doing who you are work talking with you look around and see someone passing by looking almost like him and you get off and walk a lil closer to see if it’s him door se bhi tho atleast maintains that distance…….it’s that one pull that you bout to head to your room and some dialogue says keep your face here and you walk back in reverse steps to check what the scene was bout the lead asking the girl to keep her face over his palms for the exaaaact same thing he used to do before or after rush of moments spread hand out and show you in ishaara takes your face away in his palms and just lives you that way watching your details away with that ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even reliving his smile aisa kaisaaaa brings a smile away to your face now I say!!!!!!!

Every inch of him every sec of him that one sense of magic and looooooove combination I say!!!!!!!!

That one pull charlie and the waaaaaaay it just moves sways you off and away from everything else and closer to everything him and HOW!!!!!!

Also why you strongly believe and have lived thus realisation for real that He is the only biggest strength and beautiful weakness of your life…

Moments of self!!!!!

 Today just spending that kind of alone time looking around feeling him away feeling yourself away made that much more sense…

It’s this thing charlie sometimes going by the way you are living your life may come across as stuck up but today spending that time there made that much more sense that that’s something you definitely are not!!!

In fact if your insides give up on something they just do like you go by the feeeels in complete entirety of the moemnt!!!!!

Be it leaning to drive you just couldn’t and give up and trying to get back to your usual spending your own time on you routine of workout and himhigh moemnt a post workout!!!!!

Cause the previous one was only making the entire shxudke through the day all the more hectic plus having to take calls whilst learning you weren’t just couldn’t…to few work things you give up easy if you don’t feel it even if it’s about a lot of dyed fabric ready to work with you don’t feel it get then redyed ignoring the time again it will take…to taking this step in your life of this way of life and love….this is one biggest thing of your life that wasn’t even upto you!!!!!!

It was what your heart all of you felt and went with that very same flow the way it made you feel…

It’s nothing that’s upto you like for you to decide or choose it was has been something that chose you and not the other way around…

U tried your best and that’s something you alone know but eventually it landed you where you were always meant to be like even if that meant trying to keep your mind off writing him or living those random chor wale moments of seeing his story with the only intention of living something kuch bhi of him in some way possible……..

Cause you know what it means to you even be it seeing that one thumb of his switching up the volume as he films the first rains away with his sound of music…like there was your poooooora heart right there over his thumb like you weee that happppppppy and HOW to just see his thumb even as mad ass crazy as it sounds that’s really how happy every bit of you on the inside was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa that’s his hand his thumb switching up the volume bolke even recalling it now ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa some feeeeeels I swear!!!!!!!

Places n people!!!!!

 When it was too much noise and you were done with showing your face you leave from there saying you had to be somewhere…..and leave akele on your way find this new space stop over there and just sit amidst few people no sound nothing looking around couples around rains out…..

With her on the phone and the guy looking everywhere possible but at her…

Like you just be there doing something you loved with him and used to witb him…..like taking this forced break from work post hectic schedules of waking up midnight for you early morning for the world hours for learning to drive to take the lessons then rushing to work skipping the workout and to finally giving up learning to drive cause you couldn’t mannegrt the work calls morning rush to also focusing the driving bit on a new car with break that strong that it felt like you were giving hiccups to the entire body of yours!!!!!

And finally hire some new driver with fingers crossed!!!!!

Also like today to just give that time to yourself be it that new place and then heading to Starbucks cause the coffee at the new place sucked!!!!

Caramel macchiato is your love at Starbucks cause it comes along with kilo kilo bhar ke froth which also btw brings him along brings his smiles along!!!!!!!!

From people watching to self analysis moment!!!!!

Like it was that timeout to the self slow it down a lil and just be…

Back then sitting together commenting over the walks talks and people around to being lost in each other and not being able to take eyes and legs off other……

To today one on phone one checks out everybody around possible but her…..and there he was your most beauuuuuutifully adorable sexiliouslyyyyyyy gorgeous hooooman of your life jsut being himself and in the most extraordinary of ways…

His talks his mind ayyyaaaaaaaa it was heart charlie like you always felt those moments of suddenly imagining almost cartoon style like your heart jumped out wearing shirt and sitting right before you like suddenly it was him as your heart smiling away staring away doing the random people analysis ralk away or just talking bout hitler and you still all smiles cause you used to find a zillion more new things away bout him and adooooore each one of them away!!!!!!

Feels!!!!!

 Even today when you had to attend this event after a waking up like that one this morning the waaaaay the one smile wouldn’t just go…

It was some reaching a milestone of work kinda lil big thing….. and it’s that one feeel every single time when anything himnyou are laced with and the waaaay no matter who you are around what you are doing the waaaay the him feeels stay with you…and these random things only make it that beautifully worse with some guys jersey saying 27 or another someone wearing walking around in those beautiful khakis of his and his legs rush through you crossing the street or crossing over and around you…and you feel it away saying how he had sexier legs than you……and him usual living your presence away with that chuckle and nods along!!!!!

Look around and see some white and that inside conversational mode ye tho hotaaa he nai…….to suddenly somebody plays over lucky alis recent upload at that volume amidst the already loud music and your heart smiles away all the more so much so that the manager comes over saying you jnow sometimes people will take you to be crazy doing this smiling away akele akele the way you do…

But how do you even explain out reason put scenarios like these cause that’s how strongly you’ve felt him in those very moments!!!!!the waaaay everywhere you look your eyes in that one constant search mode looking for just that one face in the world for you!!!!!!

It’s when you know can feeeeeeel how much joy that one being brings into your life be it absence or presence like your insides your heart already knows and feeeeels it’s priority all through the most random of moenbrz too! !!!!!

Way of love!!

 It’s this THIS one feeeeeeeel charlie everytime it rains now and you lookup feeeeling it away whilst living him away!!!!!!!

It’s a beauuuuutifuo feeeeeeeeling that you can’t possibly write out even with the best of words!!

It just comes along with that one deeeeeep rush of missing ekdum dhadaaaaam se like you just lookup rain drops falling with his music playing and the waaaaay the heart yearns for him prolly the strongest but with a smile away…

Like there are these inside conversations happening simultaneously bout the waaaaays you used to wish him to live with the rains to love him with the rains and everytime now like the sunroof prolly was one of your another most loved dreams or wishes come true cause that also was your most loved thing pehle and then with him that too did become all of him away and how!!!!!!!

This love for drives and imagining him driving imagining day dreaming living him away as he drives his hands his face his shoulder you always used to lean over with that one look one pull from him zooooop bolke drawn towards him and that one smiiiiiile of his to laying over his lap being all tucked and wrapped over with his one arm over you as he drives around to that grip growing tighter over sped bumps or sudden brakes to just live him all through those moments!!!!!!

It’s that one feeewewwl every single time ayyyaaaaaa inneeee mera pooooora ka poooora heart I say!!!!!!

There’s no face there’s no presence there’s no place touch smell or taste that you’ve lived loooooooved felt and missed the waaaaay it’s been him just him right from the very start to now….

The waaaaay that one sense feeel of his chummi left you and your mind and HOW!!!!!!!

For having felt it after what feels like a lifetime now almost!!!!!!!

Something’s!!!!

 Something’s you just cantttttt deny your heart of like the waaaaaay that one second of his presence made you feel like he was really there for real with his chummi you just canttttt take to be random or just some dream or vision cause even after the waking up the way you could still feel it that strongly over you…

Exaaaactly the same way you donno what how or why there are some streets that bring him along some stretches of the road that just bring him along and these aren’t even the same spaces that you’d lived him at back then……..and still to feeeel him and the other day it almost made you wish away for something like that after a very very long time…like if it wasn’t yesterday maybe someday soon you’ll soon live him there for real and be with him there…

Kukatpally stretche of road is another one of those!!!!

Now with this rains it’s all the more special n magical the waaaaaays it just strings your heart away but come back home with strained neck almost cause all the way there and back aaaj kal all you do is look up with his music and feeeeeeel him away all the way through…

Moments n slow chummies!!!!!

 Mooooooments like these!!!!!!!

When even watching the mildly spooky like very mild more of a dumb one movie like scream couldn’t wake you up with the sudden loud noises in between as you galti se fall asleep watching it!!!! Like that’s when you know the “horror” was epic fail!!!!!!

And to this one side as you move towards the place where his music was still on with on n off drizzles in between like you could still hear it all and this one moemnt when you suddenly feel all goosebumpy like that’s when you know feeeeeeel he is here and you try to move your face closer just so could feel him even more or his daaaaadi away like in your mind you are still not moving fully but still wanting to move and reach out to him…

And even before you could make sense of it the saaaaaame ditto chummi of his frommversova slow nibble that could feeeel and the waaaaay it shakes you up to wake up and see him and again nowhere…

It’s still feeeeeling this beauuutifully strange charlie cause you could still feeeel his presence in the afyerfeels of his chummi like still that strong like it happened for realllllly real kinda real…also cause it’s been forever almost since felt it last so you knowwwww when it felt that strongly and to still be able to feel it over you is magic beyond logics I say…

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kitttuuuuuuuuuuuuu miyaaaa if you onlyyyyyyyy had the soightttttest idea bhi I swear the waaaaays you are lived looooooved and missed!!!!!!!!   

Running missing!!!!!

 It's a runnnnnn ofa missing mode this morning with the longest days off from work and yet a friend's friend event to attend now but had tooooo squeeze in a workout cause you know when a missing hits you this hard with weather getting sexier by the day you just had tooooo feeeeeel him away and HOWWWWWW!!!!!!

Agaaaaainnnn the waaaaaays he comes charlie ayyaaaaaaa meraaaaaaa poooooora ka pooooooooora heart liver lover kidney I saaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

Be it the rushhhhhh of him ever since the waking up be it the daaaaaadiiii feeeeels that you can still feeeeels away over Ur cheeks even as you write now and relive it ayyyaaaaaaaaaa poooooora dubukkk bolkeeee dubaaaaadetaaaa inneeeeee one way he comes!!!!!!!!

More too much more bulletin coming soon tonight on this for now this mind body soul happppppppoy him highjhhh and howwwwwww cheeks just won't refuse to go back to normal i say!!!!!!

Kittttuuuuuuuuuuuuu miyyyaaaaaaa tum aisaaaaaaa waisaaaaaa kaisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaa yaaad areee ji!!!!!!!

Moments of magic…

 Mornings n moments of magic like these again when you wake up that strongly looking for him…….

Racing mind!!

 When a song this beauuutifully vibes away with your mood this very moment!!!!!!

When you couldn’t have enough of him THAT close to you giving you away all the feeeeels looking that gorgeous in again a softest cotton black shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaays this heart feeeels things away and you wake up wanting to go back to sleep like trying trying for almost an hour just sooooooo you can go back to living the sexiness with adooooooorableness of his !!!!!!!!!

How do you even put the seatbelt’s on a mind and mood like this one !!!!!!!!!!

Pirate of the night I say!!!!!!!!

And whatttaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pirate he sure is!!!!!!!!

Said it before can say it over again how truly lucky and blessed somebody just like that got nai without the wait nothing at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Magic!!!!!

 Almost done with the day and just bout to drop her home and on the way decide to stop over some coffee and sandwiches and she gets down to get those and you had to attend another work call and whilst talking you notice she had left her phone first ask the driver to give her and the second had it in your hand hang up and instead that one neeeeed to see him and there he was first rains in Bombay too!!!!!!!

Auyyaaaaaaaaaa heart feeeeeels in sync that beauuuuuuutifully with that slightest glimpse of his hand or finger rather makes your day away and HOW !!!!!!!

How just that THAT much him too and I swear charlie that one smile on you that hits that second the waaaaay it’s till intact even now as you write cause some feeeeeeels are just bwyoooond like you can’t really reason out why it makes you feel the way it does but anything slightest of things to do with him and that one beauuuuutoful pull off and away from the rest of the world to being drawn away to everything him and HOW!!!!!!!

The Norah jones tracks he used to send you back then to playing one of those today with that visual of first rains and your hearttttttttt ayyyyaaaaaaaaa every single human that comes across him in that moment or to just live that beauuuuuty of him away BLESSED I say!!!!!!!

How truly truly lucky some people really ought to be that blessed I swear!!!!!!!!! And just like that!!!!!!!!!!!

To live that beauuuuuty of him to feeeeeeel touch smell that beauuuuuty of him for real to that gorgeousness of the rains along ayyyaaaaaa some wishes I swear!!!!!!!

Can never grow used to or get over nai!!!!!!!!

Like from that moment on the coffee doesn’t go down the neck or the food cause that’s how beauuuutifully lost you were and that need to hold your mind back play the oldest of jams from back in the day backstreet boys to MJ MJ still love though but BS boys you just couldn’t make sense as to this is the kind of music you really liked full body palm moment of realisation it was…

Mind still this high on him and here goes the blink of the thunder again…….

Going back to that wish what if in that moment instead of this wish you’d wished for him instead in that very moment!!!!!!!!

Strangest are the ways of the heart I say…!

All through the day…

 Days lately when out all you look is up!!!!!

Like no wonder you come back soon and you feel your neck still in that same position!!!!!

And you just cqntttrt help it!!!!!

Cause all these years that one looooove for this vibe and now when you finqllly get to live it that’s all you do…

Play his music away open the sunroof with the weather this sexy now and just feeeeeeel him away in places and visuals!!!!!

It’s a viiiiiiibe charlie like that one feeeeeeep trees leaves even tallest buildings away with rains and his music and these glimpses of him on a constant loop is an experience in itself just like living him for real his beauuuutiful details used to be…

After this morning rush of him like you keep telling your head bout the current scenario but with the weather and this missing every year this time around it was on a different roll of its own I say…

Work stuff out for some other work stuff and you just couldn’t think straight or work work kinds…..

Like firstly your mind just couldn’t stop replaying his that one rush of a hug soon as you turned towards him and smiling away to this one moment of realisation…..

Ever since you remember as a kid you’ve always loved an suv or a jeep kinda car……your first ever car love being the gypsy no wonder this another realisation now gypsy soul!!!!!!

Sooooo yaaaaah 

From that to this other Land Rover thing you’d seen with your mama drive around from that to jeep to this another track of his of the singer driving one and every single time it went foot on the gas and it made you wish another wish for yourself to make that childhood long lost dream come true some day !!!!!!!

Today when you were that hiiiiiigh on him and accidentally play this very same track and that’s when you realise bout that wish of yours to that other realisation that very moment arrrreeeeeeee what if in that very moment you’d wished for him instead in your life would it too become true the way this dream of yours did…

Attention span of a fly!!

 When it comes to his music you have an attention span of a fly!!!!!!

Like you maybe busiest doing some important work away and that one slightest sound of his music and the waaaaaaay it fataaaak se puts all of you on a flight mode everything else goes numb and all you can hear feel is him away and HOW!!!!!!!!

One season!!!!!

 How why what is this even when you feeeeeeeel THIS much him away this one season every single year!!!!!!!

It’s been over more than a week no dream of his self explicable and this morning you feeeeeeeel his hands over all over yours to his head resting over your shoulder and pehle you take it to be some pillow or sheet and that strong feeeeeeel of his scent and then his daaaadi over your cheek and that one feeeeeeeeeel of a fiiiiinally and that one beautiful sigh all of you breathes and lives!!!!!

And you slowly move and change side towards him and the waaaaaaaaay he fataaaak se in a rush holds all of you away and that one lil inside conversation of yours still holding him being held by him asking him away where have you been!!!!!!

The waaaaaaay he was in that one rush to just hold you away like he waited for you to turn to him and that one sound of his sigh too it’s that one beauuuuuuutiful feeeeeel of magic charlie seconds back you sigh over his presence finally and seconds later he does too…

Alarm rings you wake up and it was raining the waaaaaay it all looked and felt beauuuutoful cause first and most importantly you’d finally met felt him and HOW and then to live the beauty of a rainy morning cloudy all around with that beauuuuuutofuo scent of the rains all around as you just stay there and live that beauty with that beauuuuuuty of his hug that upu could still feeeeeeel even after the waking up!!!!!!

To brushing and it had to be his taal songs every single time this season around!!!!!!!

Something’s nai the beauuuuty and magic of it is beyooond any logics !!!!!!!

This morning was one of those…!

Sound of the rains…!

 Ayaaaaaaaa nights like these and that one gorgeousssssssest hooooman like that one I say!!!!!!!!

Why couldn’t they just make more of him the exact same ditto him!!!!!!!

When you wake up like this with THIS much sudden missing listening feeling smelling the rains away this very moment !!!!!!!!!

Him hiiiigh!!!!

 U knowew u are waaayeeeee toooo him highhh when you've combined gin vodka cranberry plus johnwick n a rrahman altogether at once!!!!!!!!!!! N smiiiiioijeg away at visqlus like these!!!!!!!!

N it's just start of the mobsoooon as it goes!!!!!!!!!

Mornings...!

 Morning sound of words...!

Though in your case it's not just the dark or the night , a round the clock scenario running on a sideloop!!

Sound of music…!

 When a sound of music can also do this to your mind and how!!!!!!

Out for a longer route home plus drive post work today like you just wanted to live that feeeel which you are loving now under the sunroof which was something you always looooved!!!!

Now with this new addition the most loved feeling to feel the trees and sky away over your face has become the most loved part of your day…

It’s a feeling beyond magic and words charlie that oneness with the nature be it the tree or the night sky ayyyaaaaa that one feeeel!!!!!!!

Today in the jam this beautiful huge tree right above and you just be with this one track of kaya playing and that sudden realisation how you’ve been in this state of denial all these years…….

With no dreams almost a week now to realising him having moved on and this feel now happy for him and lost for yourself!!!!!!!

It’s like suddenly no clue that vibe of standing in the middle of nowhere not knowing where to head to kinda weird feel in the stomach today……

No dreams off late only made more sense now!!!!!!

It’s just feeling weirdly ajeeb in a way that you can’t define…

Strange nai are the ways of the heart it takes you a lifetime almost, to realise something that was always there…!

Kyaaaaaaaathobhi!!!!!!

 Not sure which side you have been waking upto been 3 days now single dream nothing!!!!!!

How like this till when like this kyaaaathobhi ab aise bhi if he doesn’t come Kaise chalta kyaaaaki!!!!!

It’s this blah state of mind you wake up with weird feeeeling al ajeeb insidr and then that wait to feeeel him somehow !!!!!!

And it was a beauuuutofully ironic mix of memory rush this morning with the moves and workout actually!!!

This new artist find and some track and the line nobody can love you the way I do exaaaactly his words… comes along the Versova memory rush in a strong rush of moemnt when holding you he says the exact same words…from one thing to the other his other words from Skype calls the waaaay he would repeatedly say it and that one feeeeeeel everytime now…

She better take good care of him cause anybody that has him in their life in whatever way possible has to be the luckiest one possibly on the face of this planet I say!!!!!!

Cause that’s how beautiful every single version of him truly is…….

He is that beauuuuuuuuuutoful blend of everything at once!!!!!!!

Like you are trying to hold your mind as much as possible but the very moment you lay yourself down to the post workout moves it’s all like magic the closeness that you feel along the waaaaay it slows your mind down and start to feeeeel him away is beyond anything!!!!

It’s pure magic his hands his touch his smell whispers of his voice closest to your ear just that full vibe of him along and HOW!!!!!!!!

Mornings like these also!!!!!!!

Slow mornings…!

 His logic back then when I wake up whatever time I wake up it’s my morning again one of those things with time did become yours too so now for you it’s a morning…

Last few days design stuff shoot stuff then bumble stuff it was too hectic to handle it all at once……

So today you decide to take a slow start specially with a gloomy state of mind with no dream of his this morning…

Wake up laaatest possible first thing had to was get back to workout routine of atleast 5 times in a week from here on…

Inside inside that one wait ab ataaaa tab ataaaaa Karke Karke that one song accidentally you hit the first track itself brings along him magic not him him like you usually do like feeeel him along but visuals of him today….

The Skype visuals of his playing on loop his expressions his nods his smiiiiiiiiiiiles his stares!!!!!!

It was one of those cofusing moments to relive the him from your Skype and!!!!!!!

Half way through the workout this sudden twitch in the eye and by the time you are done with it realise one eye had turned that beautifully red…yes there’s some beauty in the irony too like you were already that beauuutifully high on him from those calls amidst the moves and then to find your eye with veins turning red in slow mo was weirdly beautiful!!!!!

Though now it’s gotten worse not sure what it is hoping it doesn’t teanfrom into a red ball over the ball of a face of yours by tomo with the work event to attend…

Some visuals the feeeeeeels it leaves you with even reliving it now HIM pooooooora ka pooooooooora heart of a vision he was everytime to look at to live him ayyyaaaaaaAA the way it all feels like a dream sometimes now…

Bumble blu…!

 Temme you are obsessed without saying you are!!!!!

When you can’t take your eyes off it even at work amidst work keep checking on it over n over again, the color it brings back this huge pile of nostalgia of having lived him a zilliiiionnnnnnn times over be it from above on the terrace or from dropping you home or at his place just bout to take off as he waits for you to come to drop you home…

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this beauuuuuuuty of some memories like these!!!!!!

The first place to take out for a picture even with your mom along was the place that has opera vibes…

The shoe making factory lane ayyaaaaaa every single time when there almost at opera vibe also one of those wishes to be there with him ever since having found it…

How do you!!!!!2

 There are things you know with time by now with his absence for the longest time and then there are things also that are still just beyond you!!!!!

How do you make sense wit it is just beyond you now!!!!!!

U keeping off him staying trying to get a hold on you and then there are these moments charlie everywhere no matter where you are the waaaaays they bring him along be it this song of lucky ali randomly playing somewhere and shazaaam it away and it was a previous song but to find it today this beauuutifully apt!!!!!!

Some choices you make in life and the reason they stay that way are beyond you, that’s not upto you anymore…

This one Him in you and your life stayed and that now is just beyond you!!!!!

Cause the waaaaays it makes you feel away in his absence too and in your waking moment like today signing papers watching the bumble blu there asking the staff to take off every sheet of plastic inside the car cause you didn’t like the jhig jhig sound it makes soon as you sit cause his vento being brand new had that back then and you knew it exactly how it felt and you even told him how weird it feels at the back with the plastic and ut was then he mentions bout you being the first girl girl after his sister who sat in his car then…

Today as they take the covers off and that smile on you couldn’t go off I say it was a beauuutiful mix of that many hims today charlie…

Be it that bittersweet feeling to say a bye to your 86 Verna with tears in your eyes is also when you realise that love for cars your own one like he had back then when some cycle dashed into it and his reaction over it today you could completely relate to it……

To finding Him in this one that has all your heart and eyes on it!!!!!!

Him that most beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful aspect of your life that with time did become life in its own way somehow!!!!!!!

How do you even!!!!!

 This morning after having lived and been loved that much you wake up looking to your side and don’t find him still looking at you like you don’t understand what had just happened like you get off and look around literally walk to the washroom to check if he was there and then suddenly it hits you it was a dream..

Like all of you on the inside outside that THAT sure that he was there with all that love for real and then to realise it was a dream it took you sometime to get off and make sense with it…

Ever since that dp up it did hit you with that feel of him finally having…….and you try your best to keep your mind very very busy as busy as it busiest can be just so you come home exhausted and straight to bed and on days when work was easy you come home workout and then to bed and even then there have been moments where himcoming had a different completely different story to tell and express with his presence…

Like you wake up and you can’t make sense of anything but just that one feeeeeeeeel of his dream his presence that takes you over and now!!!!!!!

To these random most lilst moments even today when there was an immediate buyer for your previous one in the apartment itself and you had to come home for the papers and in the lift this kid with his mom like he was tiny soon as he enters the lift he turns around and checks you out and you smile and he waves a hi and turns your way and keeps conatsntttr staring and his mom turns his head away and he turns back to you and smilingly staring away constantly and his words rush throug you when back then being a school teacher you talk bout the kids being fond of you hugging you and stuff and he warns you saying be careful Bacchae aaj kal jaldi bade ho jaaate what you take it to be harmless kid hug they are not thinking the same way and chuckles awaaaay that adooooooorably!!!!!

Like you were having a school chat with him over Skype sharing school stories and day at work and he talks bout this kid psychology in the most adooooorabkest possessive way possible !!!!!!

Today as you feel that sense of uncomfortable with that stare weirdly his words rush through you cause again it happened cause you smiling back at the kid and then his mother holds the kid laughing away tells you he is being the perfect example of the imperial men will be men advert at that very tiny age and you tell her she is going to have a tough time soon and she laughs it and the waaaaay that moment brings him along as you stay there in the lift with that smile pasted in your face and HOW!!!!!!

Mornings n Him!!!!!!

Last night stay up almost morning golden hour watching his series with an early morning shoot to attend to it was prolly 3 hours sleep and that moemnt of waking up with again one of those dreams n presence of his that you can’t write write out bout!!!!!!!

It was a good one the series with that logic of either you live a life with fear and settle down for comfort and convenience or live it with your heart without any regrets…

Something you always knew right from the very start of being on this journey of loving Him…

Be it that decision you took back then and chose him instead of settling down or again choosing him after evrythung instead of settling down…

It’s all bout who makes it worth choosing them over n over again…it’s like everything in you says scream out away knowing much before you yourself did it was it is Him had to be Him!!!!!

With him saying otherwise changing his belief over it, you somehow couldn’t not even for a second…

Sometimes you wonder why how or what, there’s no reason it’s beyond reasons charlie like evrythung knows and feels it’s Him!!!!!

Months back a client comes over to the studio and you discuss over your Verna standing out and she then mentions bout the dealership they run and stuff and you talk bout the waiting period deciding between the merc and this one that you had your heart on and been waiting for the waiting period for the car…

It was bout making those big work decisions and investments that you had to take a step back from merc and keep it for some other time and this one too a few days back call from her that it was now available in white and asks you to come down and see it to finalise……

2-3 days back with all this happening with driver and work commitments had to take the final decision and the second you are there you see this beauuuuuty on the other side and instead of seeing your one white one this beauuuutiful pull to this one instead cause it looked ditoooooo like his Škoda back then it’s this color watching him park late nights waving back flying chummis into the car to seeing him waiting for you to turn after dropping you home to just living that beauuuuuuty of him in this very color of his car and you ask her if you could get this instead…..

And she talks bout it was for another client and you literally request your best to finalise for this one instead and she talks bout extra charges and wait period again but your heart just couldn’t walk out without taking it or wait for another sometime to bring it home!!!!!

It was like zooooop bolke your heart just popped out of you and onto the car cause it was like him right there and you just couldn’t leave it there!!!!!!

Finally after a day after she confirm you could take it and it was today when the model mentions bout some family demise thing and it had to be canceled and you finally get the time to bring it home!!!!!!

It’s one of those things after Him that you can’t keep your eyes off!!!!!!

Even today when you had to sign the papers and ask the manager to get some pics done you just stop filing and instead just stay there living that beauuuty of him away!!!!!

It’s like now everytime you see all those flashes of him in his car rush through you something’s nai charlie stringgggggg your heart away and HOW!!!!!!!!

Music = LOOOVE language!!!!

 Writing writing and you play this mix that had his lucky ali song and this new find and the very same second every single time some aadats I tell you don’t go no matter how many years it’s been!!!!!

Every single time you find a beauty like this one the one n only person tingggg bolke that comes along to share with !!!!!!

Heart of the mind and music I tell you are waaaaaay beyond logics and realities of life nai…

Nothing I say nothing else apart from Him himself that can make your attention span this quickkkkkly drift away from writing the way music does…

Live with heart…!

 Some days like these right from the very start with dreams of his like these to finallllly bringing home the bumble blu!!!!!!

The exaaaaact same color as his Škoda back then!!!!!!

That final moemnt selecting this one was pure and all heart I say!!!!!!

It all comes down to this state of mind right now this feeeeeeel right now rushing through and the magic of a day like this one is when his lucky ali drops a song that THAT aptly sings away the story of your life I say…

Raaho se mera Lena kya mein chalaaaa jahaaaa pyaaaaar hai meraaaaa…

Something’s you write and hit back space weird feels nai!!!!!!

For now ayyyaaaaaaa his exaaaaact same blue and a zillionnnnnnn memeorues everytime you see the car now cause it’s a very very rare color and you see it after a decade his blue so the name had to be bumble blu… :D

Charlie meet bumble blu!!!!!!

SOMETHINGS!!!!!

 His work with this feel of it’s his haath ka kaaam kinda logic to it again one of those conversations of the balcony…

Someday karely you’ll see and I want you to see the work I do…

Ever since then anything at all with his work and thissss huge pile up of excitement to see it first!!!!!!

Also cause it has his hands all over it like you need to see when he is at edit charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that sexy I say!!!!!

Like full in zone the waaaay it used to show on his face too over Skype calls and his multiple screen setup as the backdrop and him saying now I can see you on the big screen too and you seem that much more closer to me…..

It’s this beauuuuuutiful echo of his that comes along some moments…

This being one of those!!

Missing!!!!!!!

 Be it waiting with some track or having that moment of imagining moving ringo off his lap and laying over living his stare away ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa how can a face become your heart charlie like it’s not just the face anymore it’s your heart tat just pops out of you every single time you see and jumps over and stays over that THAT one face!!!!!!!

It’s like anythung to do with him slightest bhi and the waaaaaays it leaves back a zillion feels even amidst all this hectic schedule !!!!!!

Bah some days nai lagta ab pls thoda simple kardo like aaj just make things a lil simpler yo handle at work and then another complication pops up!!!!!!

Like too many things to deal with sort out and then there is this beauuuuuuuutiful chaotic calm of his like it comes along like a wild rush of wind and just sort of gulps you down away and HOW!!!!!!!

Like you are gone for the outer world and that sneaking away into your own…….like you literally step off and away jn your balcony corner play his music and just be there smiling away reliving the moemnt from the mornings dream…

It’s beautiful nai recalling the moment sometime back the way it’s not just your eyes nose lips that know him but your skin without his smell today just knew that beauuuuuuutoful feeeeel of his daaadi over from that back from Bangalore moemnt of his…….

Even back then you remember closing your eyes and feeling his daaaaaadi away with your face all over cause that’s howswwww much you loved that feeeeeeeel!!!!!

Decade later to feeeeeel that very same feeeeeling even his absence was SOMETHING else!!!!!!!!!

Sooooo yaaahhh!!!!!

 Back to where we were that one hug from the back same hug he does at Versova too watching you clean up the plate and stuff soon as you walk towards him and in between check the fridge stuff out and you fataaak seee comes over and hugs you from the back saying aisa kaisa instead of coming to me u come here!!!!!!

That one daaaay even writing this moemnt now this beauuuutifully clear where he keeps saying somebody will come to clean it and knowing his face in that moment you were sure he was going to do it later and you do it and him just watching you clean up…to those few secs of waking towards him and the waaaaay his one stare constant that beauuuuutifully constant like he was just like you making the most of your presence just as you wer his…

To that moment of feeeelinf away his arms around you same way like everytime those similar moemnts he used to the waaaay all those previous very same moments used to rush throug you and that one smile on the inside thinking he hasn’t changed a bit after all…

Aggaaaaaaaaaaain something’s you write and this another ajeeb feeeel now!!!!!

Things you do!!!!!

 Things a missing high mind could do is sometimes ironically hilarious charlie!!!!!

Like be it the post workout moment waiting for that Himcoming moment and instead of focusing on the workout or the moves you keep switching tracks and as you play close your eyes and check does it tingg your heart does it bring along a glimpse of him nah it didn’t change like you just lay there switching tracks closing eyes and trying to find that zone to lose yourself and find him in…

Today as you bend over trying to stretch out your toes movement and trying to reach out to your head over floor move that you are trying to perfect at and that sudden feeeeeeeeeeel of his arms around your waist and all of him that you could THAT strongly feel at all of your back like it definitely wasn’t the air or just the mind cause you literally were sweating away like almost done with shower kinda thing so you could definitely feel him and it wasn’t just the air that woooshed over you!!!!!!

And you don’t move stay that way and close your eyes and the waaaaaay the mind zoooop bolke off to the same moment at his Dd space as you keep literally begging him for a hug saying ek hug pls cause it was your stupid brain that initially said let’s meet for coffee and he stayed with that idea even when at his space and said now we will sit and meet like we are at the coffee shop and you keep touching him holding him and beg him for a hug and he keeps chuckling away seeing your helplessness and loving every bit of it…to that moemnt finallly when he said it was time for you to leave and u still ask him looking him in the eye one final time ek hug pls and he nods saying a no and you turn around to take your bag and the waaaaaay he holds you away from the back saying aisaa Kaise jaane deta terku and you turn and finnnaaaaaaaly that hug as he moves you a lil away you look him in the eye and that one spark like always charlie like that one moment of spark in his eyes twinkle wit tat THAT much love for you and you chummi him away and the way he chuckles away in the moemnt pushes you a lil saying na it was a permission for just a hug and you chummi him again and does the same thing to that one moemnt when he finalllly breaks it all and that chummi back from him changes it all away!!!!!!!!

Some SOME moments!!!!!!!!!!

Even as you write and relive now!!!!!!!

Goosebumps!!!!!!!!!

That one touch of his that one chummi from him and!!!!!!!!!

This thing charlie back then meeting with distance with every gap and that weird feel with evrrry gap like it used to feel ajeeb initially to directly see him at his space but soon it did become that one thing yih loojed most forward for even at work that one wait for one message from him to see him!!!!!

It wasn’t just the other things it was also more about living Him the actual him lilst things bout him having lunch with him watching him eat those moments of watching some random movie and playing fooling wrestling around with him where his most loved thing used to be wrestling dropping you off the bed saying ye mera bed hai ye and you on the floor laying there saying ab mein idhar he rehti n watch the movie that way where finallly that one hand of his reaching out to you and that one pull always!!!!!!!!

Baaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this mind right now whrrr you can feeeel the writing going where to where only!!!!!!

But exactly what writing him does to you always one thing and the waaaaaay it all starts to flow where it goes beyond your control!!!!!!!

THIS season!!!!!!

 How many rains is too many rains of missing that one face in the world!!!!!

The very start almost start of this season the smell in the air the wind this beauuuutful rush of the wind and the waaaaaaay it strings your heart away a zillion times over with a godzilliok wishes!!!!!!

How did that one face become all this away charlie like you never ever thought you would be this way or how one face in the crowd just that one face could make you feel things away that you didn’t know existed in you or feel wise…

Eyes on that constant search mode no matter where you go what state of mind you are in what situation you are dealing with his music and this one constant search of kahi tho Kaise bhi to just live that one adooooooooooooorable face of your life away!!!!!!

No wonder this love for his dreams thisssss wait for his dreams to live him away live feeeeeel loooove his love away and wake up wit that feeeeel of having met him almost every night and when you don’t see him that one hugggeeeee empty feeeel it suddenly loads you with ab aise bhi you won’t come bolke….

Something’s you can’t define charlie how or what it means to you and in what ways it’s just beyond evrytbungn!!!!!

A feeeeel of completeness you wake up with and the waaaaaay it just makes everything else that much more beautiful through your day THAT one feeeeel of having lived him felt him touched him looooved him…

Something’s you write and this feeeeeeeel every single time the way having done these very things for real at one time feels like a dream now!!!!!!

HOW!!!!!!

 How do some sounds just do thissssss away to you!!!!!!

Bring over his daaaadi to your face all over your face and that sound of his chuckle and in that rush you wake up!!!!!!

And realise you passed out before writing out!!!!!!!

Auyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaaaaa tumkuuuuu kaisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaa aisaaaaa waaaaaisaaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaa kaisaaaaaaa miss kariii jeeeee zaraaaaaaa ideaaaa hota na tumkuuuuu!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa this heart of mine I say feeeeeeeeeel you wake up with in this rush to seeee him chummmiii him and can’t find him to just save that fataaaak this faaaataaaak feeeeling away!!!!!!

Like moooooh tak ayaaa ineeee aur binaaa chummi diye wapis howww like this!!!!!like u can still feeeel that sameeeee fuzzy feeeel that beauuuuuuuuuuutkfully sexy fuzzy feeeel of his daaadi over your lips still there like thaaaaaaaaaaat close and you missed out again!!!!!!!!!!

Chikkudchummi

 Literally chumming the chikkudkayi as u eat cause u know it was a beaaaauu7uutifulblend of Versova n dd meet n howwwwww

SOME moments!!!!

 SOME moments this strong!!!!!!

Having your dinner and you just can't stop smiiiiling away and this very need to scream out for the beauuuuuty of Himcoming!!!!!!

Now having said it out sounds more like a marvel overdose but who hotaa nai charlie that stroooong feeeobof him post workout stays with you this way this you it leaves you with!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeee how only you are being missed and again if oyyyy you knew slightest bhi!!!!!!!!!

Days lately!!

 When it’s all too confusing and unmanageable sometimes with too many things to juggle and tackle around and then there are these late nights like these as sleeeepy as you are just that need and love for movies feels like one meditation even if it’s a marvel movie seen before…

Talk bout becoming someone you’ve truly loved for almost all your life now…The waaaay the pride swells to a zillion times fold everytime he posts something bout his work and that waiiiit to watch it cause it has his hands all over it!!!!!

Again one of those things that are beyond logics and reasons!!

Especially when it’s on a youday sundaay around the same time you’d woken up prolly cause u saw it much later through the day…

But it’s that waiiiiit charlie like to see something of him specially on Sunday’s be it his hands his feet a shadow something anything of him or even at hours like these just before falling asleep also specially when the manager spends the night home as it got that late at work today…his hands driving shadow of him walking a toe of his feet like slightest anything at all with that hint of him is this new strange weird yearning lately…blame it all on the visual from a movie or that dream you woke up with 2 nights back where all you could see was his hand holding onto yours feeling your fingers away…

And you wake up with THAT much missing to just see his hands for real…

How much missing is too much missing really!!!!!!

Moments of gravity like this one right now with words and more words…! Cause it’s all over the place literally in your case no matter where you are what you do where you be at!!!!!!

THE tail!!!!!

 Why does her wagging moving swaying tail feels this sexy that u actually almost wish you’d had one too the more you watch now!!!!!

Not too sure if it’s the beer him highhhhhh state of mind  or wild instinct or you are just too dizzy in the head for wishes like these…

Dancing the night away!!!!!

 When it’s been the shittttttiestest off weeks ever and that THAT one thing that makes you sway move dance awaaaay even when you can’t is anything absolutely ANYTHUNG to do with him and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this feeels I tell you!!!!!!

From an over emotional outburst of fear to the accident to this moment of an elevated level of happiness when His way of water avatar finally on tv who bhi on a youday night like this one with drizzles willlllld wind to the power cuts and to nowww finallly having his music play chilled beer and this beauty!!!!!

Of a film of a fullllll flow of a zillion memories playing side by side on loop as you watch through…and so it goes!!

After more than a full decade it seems…!

Moments!!!!

 Where to where only again it went nai!!!!!

Exactly what writing him does to you one something and the waaaaay evrythung starts to flow and HOW!!!!!!

So today those post workout himhigh moments the waaaaaay that morning with him to some spine syrehxb thing eyes shut and the waaaaay that one moemnt from same meet just bout to leave as he had asked u to and you complain bout how he meets with some timer and the waaaaaay he holds your hand nodding and that one pulllll still looking you in the eye as he was sitting in that couch against his bed and you standing just bout to leave with the bag on be it the waaaaaay he pulls your hand or thatcpullll in the way he was looking at you drop the bag and off to him and the way he literally pulls you even harder finally sitting over him and he just holds you looking you in the eye not a word nothing at all and finally that one hug!!!!!!!

Says it all and HOW!!!!!!

The waaaay there were these versions of his hugs too that one meant don’t leave even though his words saying otherwise!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaay he just held you that day not a word nothing just holding you tightest possible!!!!!

Something’s you know writing out is only going to make it that much more beauuuutifully worse but the waaaaay today of all the moments it was this one from that meeeet!!!!!

To actually feeeeelinf him away over your waist as you stretch out reliving him from that moment!!!!!

Again one of those things can’t reason out is it jus your mind then how do you feeel his arms that strongly around ekdum seeeee like it’s not a sense of him in your mind but your skin feels it too!!!!!!

It’s this rush this sense of extreme level of happiness contentment peace beauuutifully chaotic and wild at the same time but still at peace that you find with anything him…

As and when he used to come along for real back then or with his absence now same feeeels I say!!!!!

It just made you that happpy that beauuuutofully calm and rushfull too that you just couldn’t stop smiling reliving that moment of his pull nodding awaaaaaaay that adoooooooorabky whilst looking yiu in the eye without a blink…

Nhaate nhaate bhi that smile still on like the one visual on loop that u rushed out to write out that very feeeeeeel like something’s again why in that very rush of a moment to write out is your way of screaming out I missed him…

So it’s out there and not just rushing inside of you…!

This night this mind and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT one him for life I say!!!!!!!

Nai maloom!!!!!

 Bhot Bhot time sochi why it’s been like this even with the absence of him……

Like your mind goes back to the gym entrance with him walking through the door in that style of his over the block tiles and the waaaaaaaay it made you feel for the first time ever… without even seeing his face that wait for him to come close and the way he does and finally looks up at you that very first time feeeeeeel to sharing that stare much after for the first time where he stays that way instead of tying his shoe lace looking at you throug that mirror and you stay like he just held you could t move couldn’t blink couldn’t look away like suddenly everything around and in you stops pauses and all you could sense live was Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa am telling you some nights and sounds like these!!!!!!!!!!

It’s just in the air tonight!!!!!!!!

It never changed charlie never for even once that feeeeeel the waaaaaaay your heart the waaaaaay all of you feels anything to do with him anything at all the way it feels is beyoooond!!!!!

Just today deleting a few pictures and making space cause u just can’t get the cloud shit figured out and times when you still call and think yourself to be an absolute noob u come across his adoooooorable gunduu pics and the waaaay it again takes your mind off n away to those Skype chats wher he had messaged earlier there’s a surprise for you just don’t be shocked and then comes online u see him gunduuu look that adoooooooooooooorable and scream away writing away chummis for his gunduuu and the wayyy he nods and chuckles over it asking tu shock hoti socha mein howli!!!!!

He did think it was the first time ud seen him like that forgetting post bup when you get something for him wit your first intern pay check with That strong feel of hoping to find him at the gym and there he was sipping juice away right outside the gym and him gunduuu the way he immediately walks upto you forgetting everything and tries to walk towards the same steps u used to hangout with him over coffee….see the space and one look at him and you couldn’t like you weren’t ready for him to say it yet to your face and you instead just give him the gift and back to the auot as you turn and he still was there standing waiting for you to turn like he always used to…

Another very beauuutiful thing bout that ironic meet was soon as you leave the way his car all that way right beside your auto wher he keeps looking and drives along till his reliance web world where he used go to for gaming like till then he was there with you and ask the auot guy to slow down gets off the car first thing looking at you!!!!!

Some moments nai basssss do something ting bolkeeee in your heart away nai!!!!!!!!

To life with Him…

 Be it the decision of choosing talwalkars at the last moment instead of golds gym to finding him to falling and rising in love with him and making that decision just few months away from getting married and then staying with that same decision for over years now…

It’s not something you chose but something that chose you..

Cause never for once even did it ever feel something wrong or something that was meant to change….

As the years went by never for once did you ever feel that sense of could’ve been something else could’ve been someone else cause that Him in you and with you has always been there be it with his presence or his absence that was something did eventually become beyond you and wasn’t upto you anymore…

Never for once regret anything feel sorry over something in life every step of the way the way it only made you grow stronger with that sense of him along as weirdly crazy as this sounds that love of him still with you somehow…

Yes there are a zillion things ways you miss him like it’s not just one thing one instance that you miss him for or bout him like the overall thing to life with him is all you miss…

Includes every version of him in every way possible ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuty of him!!!!!!

People change people part ways heart grow distant part of life but in your case the heart never grew distant or wander the way it stayed where it’d found its home and you couldn’t change that cause it was beyond you by then…

With her commenting that harsh over it u take it to be the phase she is going through which in itself is an example of it doesn’t matter what relationship it is if it doesn’t feel like home it won’t and you had found yours already and been there eve since and couldn’t do a thing bout that……

Even right now smiling away to the memory recall from thatmeet of his that stayed with you post that workout moemnt cause when he comes like this ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this heart I say can’t keep that smile off!!!!!!!

Also when you realise how these things don’t even affect you anymore cause they don’t matter to you!!!!!

U let things affect u when it does matter to you is when again u realise as vulnerable u still maybe over some aspects strangely uve grown stronger too…

Things when you did insist on avoiding holding doors then to live that moemnt charlie did shake you up bad ever since like u do your best listening to the songs away stuffing the mind with work didn’t work and today post work soon as you are home u just had to workout and get that mind right lil did you know of all the moments it would be this one…

The sound of Him in more ways than one and each one had your heart on it!!!!!!!

From that to THIS!!

 Two days back bout out to meet this friend for shoot discussion over late evening coffee after bout an hour she leaves and then you just bout getting into the car the strong stench of alcohol you could smell in the car just getting in and the driver comes over holding your leg almost trying to get u in thing usually Venkatesh used to just hold the door this time with that strong stench of alcohol you did sense he was drunk and look around and find this liquor store opp side……

That sense same sense of fear that chokes you up and you couldn’t utter a single word like u just couldn’t speak and immediately get off the car call her back and ask her to drop you home as she was just around the galli and ask the driver to drop the car back home……

That night you couldn’t speak say to your mom what it was bout could t fall asleep and stay up in the Balcony listening to his music away…….

That same fear was back after a very very long time same choky feel that u can’t speak even if you try to the next day tel your mom bout it and he was fired but the next thing was to find some office help to sort the material thing out plus a driver is when you decide this time tho fully learning driving this time…

Interviews for the store and production help for fabrics and lining and materials and this intern applies the residence being Ramanthapur ayyaaaaaaa it was an immediate yes I say!!!!!!

The guy knew bout your brand already and was following the page since very long and that one line in the interview today mam always dreamt of being a part of your brand somethings nai hit you like a ray of sunshine…at one point you were that closed to asking the manager to ask the guy to bring Ramanthapur ke pictures along as it had been very long since been there nai…

Again one of those iodiotic things your heart yearns for that has no absolute sense but all feels I say!!!!!!

It’s been this huge wave of being hit away with weird feels last two days charlie to relive that fear and the very next amidst the interviews a friend calls and you couldn’t answer so u text her back saying sorry will call soon as I’m home or something and she for strange weird fucking reason texts you back saying u keep feeling sorry and feel sorry for life or something !!!!!!!!

At that point you let it go knowing she is almsot going through divorce and a miscarriage too but she messages another something and that hit you!!!!

U message her back saying there’s not a single thing in your life that you feel sorry bout and hope she gets well soon and talk soon text!!!!!

Stay up again like it all plays on a replay mode suddenly…it’s that point in life when u look back and feel very content about the decisions made decisions u stayed with and decisions u made to change something! !!!!!!

Some nights!!!!!

 Some night nai charlie not sure why or how they just seeem screaaaam magic away with no sound at all bhi…

Like right now the sense and scent in the air screams magic away in the most beautiful of ways!!!!!

Some moments like these with a state of mind like this one right is all you need after weird hectic days like the past ones have been !!!!!

Then there comes a moemnt like the one today post workout you find this beauuuuuty of him in a sound…

Post bup early morning chats and he suddenly asks you to come see him first thing in the morning as his pehle wala space in the same ditto way like he used to back then…I want to see you the first thing soon as I wake up…

And do as said though he opens the gate up and in his room back door se……few moments and sooon the way he holds you away and falls asleep..like u try to move and those adooooooorable sleep sounds of his that u were that used to hearing over the phone calls finalllly to be able to visually live it holding him was PURE magic!!!!!!!

Like that feeeeeling of a FINALLY!!!!!!

U have a nap of few mins prolly and then wake uourself up literally cause again you had to make the most of his presence that way being then first time ever holding him and him that beauuuutofully asleep…his lil lil baby snores and still that beauuutifup smile on he that beauuutifully sleeps with a smile on charlie like those babies who smile away when dreaming a good dream exactly or perhaps more beauuuutofup……

To that moemnt you try to get up to see those story sheets all over his room as he did talk bout writing something and you just had to read his writings that’s another big love of his that you loooooved bout him…

As you try to move being very careful not to wake him up and the sec you are half off the bed the way he wakes up looks you in the eye then looks at his arm and looks back at you and makes that sound again and pulls your arm and then all of you and makes you sleep over his arm and slowly in his sleeep sound of voice whispers away don’t leave na……

And you just stay that way living that adooooooooorable beauuuuuty of him to the sound of those birds chirping away at his window cause it was proper morning by then those few mins hour prolly the most beauuuuutiful again to live that version of him charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ever had that feeeeeeel when you see a face and get that proper feeeeel in your heart that screams away meraaaa pooooooora ka poooooooora heart and evrythung hai inneeee exactly same feeels to live him away that morning to the sound of the birds…

To finally when he wakes up and the first thing adoooooooooorably chuckles away saying mein sooo Gaya!!!!!!!!

Even writing something’s and this feeeeeeeeeel right now it fills you up with is beyoooond words!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!

 Find a human that feels like a very very cosy home at heart even in the absence…

To you it’s always been him right from that very first sighting of him…

That very first step of his into the gym straight into your heart I say was the moemnt even before you knew you’d found your Home already…

Some sounds a chilled glass of gin overloaded with ice and cranberry the song playing from sounds of his baby lil snores to the sound of his chuckle soon as he wakes up is all you can feeeeeeeeel away after 2 full days of chaos and mixed vibe!!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaaaay like always anything to do with him calms away stormiest of storms come what may like he used to say…….

This mind this you right now this beauuuuuuuuuutifully soooo ohhhh sooooooo high on him…

A missing yet again like never before ever I say…!

Esmiiiileeeeees!!!!!!

 Some moments absoluuuute maaaagic when showering away you just can’t stop smiling this loooooove for post workout himhigh moments I swear!!!!!!!!!

To feeeeeeeeel him awaaaaaay in waaaaays like these!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaaaaa tummmm nhaaate nhaaaaatw bhiiii ittteeeeeeeee zoooooorshooooooor se yaaaaad areeee jiiiii!!!!!!!

I sweaaar charlie if only that one adooooooooooorable lil sexy big thing had the slightestttttttt idea bhi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This esmiuileeeeeeee I saaaay!!!!!!!!!

THE glow!!!!!!

 U glow differently when you are loved!!!!!!!

How bloody fucking beauuuuuuuuutifulky true whoever came up with this line…

Didn’t know this back then and always wondered why on your way back from opera that glow on you everytime you checked yourself for his colors of love and that face the way the you always felt that beauuutofully transformed and every single time you almost used to ask him seeing yourself in the vanity mirror in his car even in the dark with occasional highway cars passing by lights you check yourself and that face the way it always looked that beautifully different and his look that one smile as you check yourself and just feel happy with the way you looked and him smiliuiiiing away that one smile of his beauuuutoful mix of shy and that passionate!!!!!!!

The dream THE dream and you wake up with that same feeeeeeel of wanting to be just be that way to get back to a lil normal before you step out of the room and the first thing first rush to see yourself and that THAT feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel hits you differently…

Exactly why I say when I say these jsut can’t be dreams after all just merely a dream cause the ways he comes they are much much more than just dreams…then same doubt lagta every single time you feel this away why just till the dreams when you feel his this THIS much love away even with his absence…

That rush need to workout and get done quickly quickly mind just that happpy high that you realise today the knee can jiggle and dance away too to the beat…ofc with the weights on you found this extraordinary thing bout yourself the knee can dance saala and yet you can’t!!!!!

Soooo yah back to the post workout rush the stretches moves and play a track almost him and you wanted more of him aaj tho Kaise bhi and play another one cause it brings along his Versova wale nibble chummis along and again this one move you stretch out and stumble and lean over one arm that very moment the sense of him over neck to the somethingsssssssss you soooo badddddd wanna write out and these things!!!!!!  

It was that sudden STRONGGGGG sense of him that just runs through and over you that it shakes you up and trip over one side completely the akele akele shiver same initial shiver with him his presence that always used to come out then laugh over your missing high mind madness away!!!!!!

It was a very VERY ironically beautiful moment today cause that’s how stringlllly you could sense his presence that felt like real for really real kinda real…

It was this stark contrast charlie the other day you finish workout lost state of mind and take a picture see yourself and skip posting it today in that same position you take a pic post take a few see yourself with filter without that flow of him and glow because of him still shows!!!!!!

Naiiii maloooooooooom Kaise and still why or how these things happen but the waaaaaaay this thing has always been there right from that first moemnt at opera…

Baarish!!!!!

 And the one thing years it’s been but the waaaaays it stil makes you feel away is the same or maybe gets that beautifully worse with every passing year…

It’s this thing bout wishes and moments charlie every singer time that THAT closer and then again…

Today tooo out for lunch with a few friends n of friends on ur way back the waaaaay it gets all windy and rainy that rush of rains as it’s almost monsoon any day now…

And the waaaaaay it always brings that strong longing THAT one wish wishes for moments to live him for real as it rains to live love all of him away as it rains it’s like there are a zillion moments wishes words still to be said heard live loved and the way it all comes along that much more stronger this time of the season…

Why how you still donno but that one feeeeeeeel charlie something’s you can’t hide your mind away from these dreams these moments that he comes with makes you live him that way that leaves your imagination that much more wider horizon wise and that much more wilder too cause these are the very things he used to talk bout over chats back then with that someday caption over it and now you dream those away the waaaaaays he comes……

Things you wanna write out and the very things you know the waaaay it’s making you feel away now as you relive and write out!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 Come to think of it all it took was just that one visual of his outfit from that day to reaching Zara to collect the order and you have to go through this men’s section for the same..

And like always THAT many things and imagining him away in each one of them and at this one corner you find a similar oatmeal color that he had on that day in that meet same coloured thing and as you go closer to feel the fabric away closing your eyes it was the exact same feel……

Open your eyes and there was somebody waiting there to check that set out and it got that awkward take that anyway being oversized out of shape but still that need to cause it had that feeeeeel of him….

To this another shirt and again saaaaame vibe of his striped one when he changes into that and straight comes over to you to show you and you actually check him out cause that’s how beauuuuuutiful he looked that day and also was the first time you’d seen him in full kapde at the gym…

It’s like there were a zillion good female stuff but the waaaaaays things can make you feel away is beyond anything else…ever since his absence anything him you find him in fills up tat absence away in a blink of a second……

For r that moment atleast!!!!!!

Like some days the moments are that beauuuuutifulky in sync like they were designed for you to feeel away live him away in your own way doesn’t make any sense!!!!!!

How what or why but the waaaaays it makes you feel away is beyond anything at all!!!!!

Not even upto you or in your control!!!!!!!

THAT one face in the world I say for you!!!!!

And this stretch of road strangely somehow always has that bit of magic like kuch thooo there’s always there….

Like you wait for moments when you know you will be there!!!!!