Surfing to watch walking dead finally and the first suggestion pops up is literally Life I say!!!!!!
Moments and visuals like these random maybe but that one slightest of Him in anyway and this you it always leaves with is beyond all logics and randomness…
This feeeeeeel of becoming one with the sound with just a sound.....
This one beauutiful track you stumble upon by this new chill artist and the waaaaay the sound brings allllllll of Him away and HOW!!!!!!!!
it's that feeeeeeel charlie lights out sound playing eyes shut and it's literally like the feeeeel of that moment him touching his forehead away against yours and just lvingn away that feel of your presence after a long gap of not seeing you....backnthen long gap as in a week or max two away!!!!!
The first initial thing mostly usedbto be connecting coming closer this way to feeel away your presence first and then lifting you off the floor and up away!!!!!!!
Some sounds out of all feeeels brings back this very one and how!!!!!!
This mind lately am telling you na on a different roll only!
This one big sigh your heart feels n lives with every beat of this track!!!!
How do you even make all this understand comes to terms with this foolish heart of yours i say!!!!!!
Slightest of him anyway and off it goes flight of its own heart and mind of its own...!
It's these lilst of moments sounds through the day to the waking up to the looking for him the second you wake up to just that feeeeeeel of him and this one constant thought still ringing through you!!!!!!
So this time did he make it that obvious it being over even writing something's this one feeeel now!!!!!
Ever since that recent one you make sure not to see his profile even througbthe managers fone like sometimes she leaves it before you and literally sticks her head out just to see if you had her fone with you and once twice she evens asks you if all's good cause her fone wasn't in your hand.....
To this morning's or noins waking up with that one strong presence dream of his and that need to see him finally out for some work with the manager and you look for him as she steps out to get the food and no sign of the beloved circle.....maybe more of that need to see him cause it strangely being a Sunday but something's you really can't reason out a why or how!!!!!
Just is......!
It's like closing doors of communication to that lilst window being shut too after all this while...
Something's nai hit you differently like adding away something else to it....this confused state of mind that you refrained from writing out all this while.....
Cause his dreams him in the dreams with his actions and talks is like literally being in a relationship literally with another person like it's that one series of dreams lately another step closer and another step and next one maybe much more closer than just a step kinda vibe to em!!
And in reality you are lvingn something else only!!!!¡
Since the last two weeks it's this statevif mind that you struggle to deal with and with work strategy and planning on a different level ever since your friend recently dropped over with some insight to the brand image.....
It's that work high that you experience when she calls your brand the studio layout that premium to what the recent designs were being done at and also literally forces you to go all out with the designs in a big way to get that attention your brand deserves.....
Since then there has been a lot more of the planning on designs shoots and the stylists to work with and the same suggestion comes one of the stylists that you had the longest chat with......she was the same one had a messed up project with no deliverables and this time she insists on getting em done as per ur requirement and you finally give it a go......and today with the turnout it's just abstart and a good one!!
With her walking into the studio with the celebrity for trials the initial reaction and the design requests to work on for a better Collab it's that feeeling charlie where in the moemnt it's that urgency that neeeeed to share it with him you know what just happened you know this that like that neeed to share with that one person that much ki even through the talks the love for the designs you strangeky weirdly look at your fone it was that bad!!!!!
Finally done with Paulo now can finally get on with Tim's and evry page almost the more you read and this zone of mind it lands you in......it's the sound of Him talking!!!!!
It's very direct no sugar coated stuff it's like every page reading is you almost hearing him talk cause as and when he used to do THE talk it was pretty damn real like he would make so much sense literally making you see envision the other side of reality.....like giving your mind lyerally another dimension altogethef with that spirit running high oh I can do this too kinda vibe!!!!
This thing lately when you have so much in your mind to write out but the way after the block it made you finally feel like he was now out.....with that one question lingering will you see him again ?! And even now as you write the way the mind suddenly stops at that very exclamation!!!!!!!
That one thing in the world for you that has your heart mind body and soul on this constant wander mode be it the waking state or the sleeping stae…..
Like that one constant search by the second for just that one visual that one presence and now the waay it wakes you up and still makes your mind wander with that where did he go thing first thing as you look for him!!!!!!
Something’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mind tooootalllly has that effect on the workout like on days like these you need to push the whole of your body through a rep throug the complete workout!!!!!
Like body wise you are all there mind it is that’s missing somehow!!!!!
And all this while you thought it’s all bout the will and body it is also the mooood that can have that impact!!!!!!
Too many highs and lows on mind with again THAT much him!!!!!’
This morning too this talk of his it’s just feeling ajeeb lately cause the dreams him talking now and not just feeling your presence away it’s this confusion if the connection the feeeeeels is this strong why would he be the exact opposite in reality…or it still is just you and your mind!!
There were these moments in between with his charm and voice this morning those lil smiles in between the workout like your mind swooop bolke keeps taking those flights in between and you just wanna hold on and stay in that zone for a bit and then again the desperation of keeping you off from your business account as well hits you hard!!!!
Amidst all this confusion there is that lilst achievement when you fit back into Medium size finalllly from an xl maybe also why no matter what to get on with it!!!!
Again from just a workout journal where to where only it went I say…
This dream this strong connection he builds with you in dreams and mornings like these…..this read last night and this weird thing it left your mind with!!!!!
The dream him bringing you more n more closer to him with each dream and morning, the real him breaking that every possible connection!!!!!!
Something’s you really donno what to make sense of what and which…….
It’s just this weird state weird feeel charlie like it’s that hard to make sense of!!
Especially when you wake up with a dream of his like this one this strong connection in the dream state!!!!!!!
Noting this down to be written out today!!!!!
This need to mind out lately and the way the after feeeels are on another level only!!!!
When it still feels like waking up in the middle of the night this early now running on 3 hours of sleep and THAT much him…….one constant specially on shoot or special days like these!!!!!
Squeezed in a quicker workout and feeelin that bit more proud I say!!! What’s a workout if not journaled out haah!!
His very words look em in the eye karely!!!!!!
Overworked up mind kinda day and the way these words seem like his words from back then showing you the art of showing the inner strength through one look!!!!!!
There’s so much to write out mind out but this very moment this just simple heart full need to lay with his music and what feels like his words this feeel like literally reading his words out…
Gentle calm nights like these with a super duper early start tomo shoots planned!!!!!!
It’s this hour of the day as the mind body soul lazes out finally breathes that sigh of comfort and relives the Him moments through the day and whattaaa day it has sure been…that sound of His name that you can never grow used to and take it to be just another name…….
Some moments the power and the beauty of some visuals and what they can do to your mind is beyond logics!!!!!
His face moving that smoooth slow closer to yours by the second that waaaaiiit for him to finally reach your face and will he or not like that confusion thatvone beauuutiful rush through n through that moment like mind all of you just wanting to move closer atvthe fastest pace possible to hisbface but that thing also you move any sudden movements and wooosh bolke gayab which Mr jazzzy C also does very much practically if you think of it.....not just in the dreams any sudden Khushi of yours any sudden peak level something and the waaaay he fataaak se disappeared!!!!
Something's!!!!!!!
Back to the move there was something that beauuuutiful bout both the moments charlie first one being any glimpse of his at the studio cause you alone know how baaaaad you've always wished for him to be there to see your space to just see where you are now at cause that one person who woukdve been more happier than your mom for you it would def have to be him.....had to be him and maybe that's why it hurt you somehow more when he even blocked your work page strangeky it seemed like a reality check for you.....
Something's you shouldn't have let your mind wander at that's one touchy topic......the block!!!!!!!!!!!
Like from that moment of realising again it wasn't him to just that sound of the same track youd been tripping on missing him usual on a Sunday to it playing at that very moment where you were just bout to get hit by that huge disappointment again and the waaaaaay it just makes up for it somehow in some way!!!!!!
Cause in that moment if it wasn't for that similar face being him there wa sthat strong very clear most loved visual form that very moment that just played in you....
His face his eyes the way he would always pout away his lips whilst singing like that one face details of him ayyyyaaaaaaaaa this heart of mine i say!!!!!!!
Even writing these and reliving thus one smile it brings on you the waaay it just fills you up with something that beauuutiful just recalling reliving his lilst of details!!!!!
To this morning moennt he was smooooooth as the jazz beat i say!!!! Jay z him be the Jazzy C i say cause that just rhymed and how i say!!!!!!
U were at the studio in the lehenga room with the round table writing something and suddenly you see his arm glideeee over your whole arm and the way he leans and brings over his face over your work pad and just lays his face over it with the rest of him almost on your lap.......that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie his face that THAT close to you the way he moves in that one moment smoothly glides over his arm and just lays his face that close to yours and before you make sense of that moemnt like the next clip being his face over the other pillow next to you even thus time his face over your palm and the way waaaaaaay he slows chummis your hand away and comes close touches your nose away asking kya ghurrii and stays thatvway looking in you with his nose still there and you ask him mein hilli thoo tum fir gayab ho jaate cause there was that almost emergency kinda urgency to chummi his face away being that closest to yours like you had to hold back yourself in the worst way possible cause you knew you move any sudden movement and he would disappear......to that question the way he just smiles that one smile without word nothing and yet like it's talking the most to you knda smile of his and that slow nod and just says try it andbthat wait over his face you try not to move andbjust reach out with the lips stretching out as much as possible and that one chuckle as he comes closer and a MOMENT!!!!!!!!!!
the beauuuuuuuuuty of that moennt was he still was laughing at you whilst the moment was happening!!!!!!!
And don't know what some sound something and you just wakeup!!!!!!!
It was that mind puzzling kinda dream from the studio to almost in your sleep.....his same way of sliding his arm iver yours like he used to back then itvakways used to be when your hands were freshly waxed and he would just touch your arm with fingers and gently slide away his arm over yours and thenext thing being from there to landing on your lap and then feeling your arm again.....sepcially when he is a lil beauutifully high like he loved to just feeel the arm the skin on your arm away like he would look so engrossed in just feeeling it ki sometimes he would even change the track that fits the moment right and continue with his arm trip!!!!!
Howleeeeeeeeeeee you grigeousss lil big adoooooorablest thing how only you were missed abhiiii k abhiiii!!!!!!!
Jaazzzy C!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaa meraaaaa pooora ka poora heart right on that face of his!!!!!!!
Apart from the many other moments this one moment yesterday at a frjends engagement party and this one corner some guy same hairdo as his same bangle thing that he used to wear on the right hand at the table and you keep moving whilst talking to her just so you catch a glimpse what if it's him like you hide your face also cause if it's him he sees you he would prolly leave and you just wanted to live his presence that same feeeeeel charlie every single time all these years anybody with that slightest of feeels if it's him and that feeeeeeel it fills you up with finally now you can see him finally he is here kinda vibe!!
Last night too peeping bending as much as with your head over the couch just so you can see if it really was him where ar one point she asks you if you wanted to be introduced or something and you shh her away still waiting for that one turn and the same very second his Coldplay yellow track plays the guy turns around and it wasn't him....
Like there was that almost magic like ironic beauty of that moment where one sec like the moment itself already knew as weird crazy as this sounds it had to fill it up with something of his just so you don't feeeel that let down wali thing.....like the moemnt was already made for you the second that track plays with his face right there in that moment as he looks at you and sings it away that slow almost whisper like tone of his you are all yellooww...
One of those first ever meet post bup and you were wearing something yellow n green and as the car turns the sunlight over your face and one look at him waiting knowing now he will make that nose twitch face and he doesn't cause he had that sunroof thing over his face and the waaaaay he just smiles away with that nod saying not happening.....like strangely beauuuuuuuutifully strangeky like he still did remeber that you loooooved that face he used to make and then the way he wouldn't take his eyes off you like as much as he could whilst driving and that slow whupser of that track happens.......the way he that beauuutifully slow just says cause you are all yelloww!!!!!
Maybe it doesn't really hit you then that it's a song he just hummed for you it def was once you home and it hits you did he just sing away a song a line for you!!!!!
Some moments and evry single time you write and relive something like this!!!!!!!!!
How far and for how long would you could you go in that search for that for just that one face in the world.....even the slightest glimpse of that face of a face similar to that one that has your poora heart soul mind and body i say!!!!!!
Traffic jams ques faces in the crowd tables across walking past by that one constant search constant feeeeel of him and any face any chaddi that looks familiar to his takes your heart along and HOW!!!!!!
Again said it a zillion times before can go on for another godmotherzilluon times more THAT one face in the world!!!!!!!!
Be it the moments of him last nite at a friends place for her engagement party or this morning and the waaaaaaays he comes ayyaaaaaaaaa this THIS heart today if only he did come that waaay those waaaays for real charlie!!!!!!!
Workout done with his style of music switch today…back then when he used to talk bout how he preferred a certain style with some stuff and another style for the weight training stuff!!!!!
U get that logic today functional training with boris and the weights with rap stuff that you really like now whilst working out lyrics bit go head over it’s just the groove and vibe with weights!!!!!
Happy start to the day with this mind this beauuuutifully smooooooooooothly high on him!!!!!!!
Sundays and mornings like these!!!!!!!!!
What does it feel like to be and wake up in your most loved place I say!!!!!!!
Like it really did take you more than an hour to digest the fact that it was a dream it was the dream Him that you woke up with cause this mind I tell when it feels awaaay things like these it really gets that difficult and confusing to understand which is what was that real or is this the dream…..
To that message from your friend on Instagram asking you were back cause you did delete your account few days back for peace of mind and def dint reactivate it……how did that even happen still no clue but the first post you see the second you hop on it was of a Sunday morning one with all the mush!!!!!
Stay this time for now!!!!!!!
And new update sports level how one series can turn you into a big fan of a sport you’d barely seen before, Michael Jordan huge respect and big fan from someone who knows barely least knowledge of the sport!!!!!!
Some visuals and the waaaaay they leave you!!!!!!
This mind now after writing out specially now cause this one feeeeel as you write out the details bit by bit is like dreaming the same visual all over again as you write...
How did that one face just that one face in the world become so much to you like nothing else......
Even this morning as he just lays over that close to you with his face that beauuuutifully close n visible with his adooorablenlilst details.....to that slightest curve of smile on him to just the way he breathes that sigh as you touch his face with your fingertips as he lays his face over your palm....to that rush in him to just hold you away to that samee adooooorable scream of his at you!!!!!!
It's this feeeeeeel charlie evry single time you recall that moment andaar se he it just fills you up with so much like you can't define out in words heart so full you so full of something this beauuuuutiful.....to do nothing and yet make you feel awaaay soooooooooooo much just by breathing just by moving just by the mere presence of His!!!!!!!
Make you feeeel away THIS much!!!!!!!!!
In your heart in your core in every sense of yours the waaaay it's this one feeeeeel itsbfilled you with that's beyond words!!!!!!
Like it still makes you wonder sometimes when the simplest of ways he comes simplest ways of his presence and yet this you right now ever since that moment...!
Our lilst of details the ones that surround us the lilst moemnts of magic n wonder that our everyday is laced with are often taken for granted to be as random moemnts...
To know him to be loved by him was to know how do you live and love someone with their details.....those hours of people watching with him in person or over the call sometimes the way he would want to know what do you notice around as you standbin the balcony talking to him......it's when you discovered and kearned the art of living the details...
Soon hisbface his presence instead of yours for him did become the most loved lil detail of your life...
This morning as you lived your most longed wish of writng him as you live his details that one feeeeeeeel made you also realise how much that one face did mean to you...
It's that something your heart all of you gets filled with just by that mere presence of someone charlie says everything away bout what you feel share connect with them as.......
To these moments through the day you couldn be doing something that hectic and engrossing work wise and this one slightest something of him your mind feels or notices in something and the way that immediate flight your mind all of you take off to!!!!!
Like you just are not there not even a slightest bit apart from the physicality part of it, all of you that beauuuutifully off n away with all things him that your mind just felt or lived...
Visuals sounds moments dreams or just simple misseeeing that you suddenly feel andbthe waaaay all of you with that strong vibe of feeling one with that specific moment, something's nai are just beyond you!!!!!
It's not just random things charlie or just a random presence of his the waaaaaay he makes sure to make you realise and still make you feel his love for you make you feel loved wanted even wrijtng it now this feeel again!!!!!!
You were missed you gorgeous lil big human and if only IF ONLY you knew how much!!!!!!
Him his face and that feeeeeeeeel to just live his presence made you feel in that almost sleep statevif mind in the dream bhi to just live that moment charlie - BLISS at the most supreme level possible!!!!!!
That beauuuuuuuutiful almost hint of smile of his and how much you've lived LOVED and missed all these years that one orsence of his first thing in the morning to wake up to to just live that feeeeel of him not wanting you to move away from him the way he wanted you to be closer even in that sleep state of his to just live that feeeel of writing him almost writing him whilst living that beauty of Him!!!!!
It filled you with THAT much him like suddenly your most longed for wish was given a visual almost ALMOST!!!!!!
It's that beauutiful serenity something wordless it filled you with to just see him charlie first thing in the morning with that sleep haze mind and eyes to just know he wanted you to be closer to him he wanted to hold you !!!!!!!
Just almost happy even wrijtng it now.....
Sooo yaaah these two authors one being Paulo and the other tim Grover.....Paulo being on the sweeter side with writing and tim more real and practical!!!!!
From reading Paulo to relating to these very signs and not ignore them to be the language and soul of the world that you need to understand and more importantly listen to.....
And Tim's being as far as you've readbis more twisted and a lil on harsh side but for real......
And it talks bout what are you chasing in life for real is it the material or what adds to your growth to your heart to your life kinda logic and what if you come to know what your chasing is eventually chasing you and all you need to do is to just grab hold of it.....and make life out of it!!!
The logic being on more professional life altering journey kinda logic but the way it was speaking to your mind onna different tangent altogether......
Words can do that to you!!!!!
This logic bout oneness wit some mention in the book too then in that quote of lucky alis as well on the same lines...
Oneness isn't just physically connect to someone it's this feeeel of being connected regardless of distance àbsence or presence to just know you are connected to feeeeel this oneness is something that always was there with him...right from the start!!!!!
The same logic that you now realise with the dragons in the movie Avatar that the invidual has to connect the tail side of theirs to the dragon to form that bond to feel one with the being...
It's coming out a lil confusing asbyou write out now in your mind it definitely was more clear.....this logic charlie of all these feeeels of him through a zillion moments through your day or these dreams of his the way it somehow connects with the feels of your day.....like it could've just been bout seeing him this morning butbthe way he nibbles over your skin to wake you up shake you up to make you realise all these feels of him for real the waaaay in that adooooorable same shy smile tone of his voice with his eyes still shut he tells you am for real you fool cause you did take itbto be again just your mind after the recent block again.....
Something's you write and relive now that one feeeeeeeel of him!!!!!!!
Right from that moment hisbface over your palm and that urgency to write him out that moment out the waaay he just knew you were living him away even in his sleep you just had to journal the moemnt out and the way it looked like you were pretty used to it by then.....and with one hand full of him you struggle to turn and look for a sheet of paper with the other hand right beside you see these sheets if paper by the look of it looked like his script out of which you obvsly cohkdnt chorify the paper so you look more and this one notepad and you can't reach it there was this beauuuuutiful dilemma of wanting to write him out just the waaaay he looked in that moment with that hint of smile on him and you just had to save it away and also wit him on your hand you couldn't move didn't want to move and that slow sound of his making that adooooorable sound cause you were moving and he slowly moved closer to you goes a lil low and now holds your tummy over and sleeps there.....
Now with both hands you could reach to the notepad and slowly place it beside all this while to just smell his presence feeeel away this closeness of his to just know and feeeeel he wanted you to be close to him wanted to feel your presence more most importantly he wanted you with him to just feeeeel that feeeeeel charlie BEYOND words ofthe world!!!!!!!
As you place the notepad beside just bout to turn and he screams that adorable scream of his calling you kareeely kya karri and you wake up!!!!!!
THAT ONE MOENNT that one waking up today hit you the beauuuutifullest hard possible I say!!!!!!!
It wasn't just a dream to you this morning...!
Much much more than just a dream...
Yesterday or last few days rather that weird state of mind and watching reading the book words and phrases that strong connecting vibe with evry page you read.....to last night when almost alseep watching the movie or series or something and stilll not fully asleep state you just see him sitting that close to you back at that house of yours on the stairs and looks right through you with his one hand over your leg like he used to back then.....like just for a second or something this one visual and the waaay it shakes you up and you wake up and from there on it was like a visual loop of evrything him right from the start to the initial moments and details and you slept pretty late!!!!!
This morning almost noon rather changing sides yaaaaah this one thing lately it's been these series of cuddle snuggle dreams of his not sure if it's the upgrade from looking for him wandering in search of him to living his closeness soo yaaah this morning too as you change side and as you turn this sound of music playing of music playing in the background and you see to your side there he was in a navy blue vest kinda thing oversized one that beauuutifully loose vitted on him him lying down tummy side on bed like he used to that beauuuutifully half covered in his red blanket!!!!!
That one instant mountains of Khushi rushing through you even as the realisation of him right there hits you and suddenly the music playing in the background slows down like suddenly the beats the rhythm sound almost in slow mo like......
The way his one hand holding onto your arm that one face THAT one face in the world for you turned leaned over towards you that one beauuuuutiful calm all over his face and that slightest hint of almost smile like he knew you were living and all lost in him as you go a lil closer to just live him his beauuuuuuuutiful details from upclose and the way he gently nibbles over your arm again something he most loved and in that still asleep shy smile tone of his voice he adds am for real you fool and nibbles again and lays his face over your palm......
That one face that one him with his face on your palm right there you can't even imagine what and HOW it felt like in that very moment charlie!!!!!!!!
The one face you've missed the MOST in your life that one face yohve loved lived the most in your life right there in your palm!!!!!!!!
Something's you recall relive that very moment again and write out and THIS feeeeeeeel now!!!!!
Even feeling it now as you rush down to write out as his lucky ali track drops in between the rap music you were listening to!!!!!!
This THIS State of mind and all it took was just that one face in the world for you that one voice of his for you!!!!!!!
And your heart all of you this transformed away!!!!!!
These two books you’ve been jumbling through literally when one gets too sweet you head to the bitterly inspirisng one!!
Both the books one thing in common listen to your heart look throug the signs understand them connect with em!
And exactly what this morning he tells you the same even be it in the dream more than anything else it’s that one wish charlie ayyyaaaaaaa how muc how dcking baaaaaaad you’ve wished for that one wish amongst the zillion others with and for him this one to write him as he is sleeping beside you like to write him out as you live his presence for real in the waking state and that very dream that very moment and HIM his voice everything bout it the waAay it’s changed you from what you’d been feeling ever since the business page block too!!!!!
From feeling that worst low of not wanting any sign of you to this what you’ve been feeeeling since morning……
The face it just changed Ekdum see like you can see it in your face the day workout work bits account lil bit cooking cleaning skin caring evrythung done and that wait for your mom to head to her room like you just hawkeye the move second the door closes this one rush to write out and instead some rap track plays mid series and mind deviates to the other artist and lands back right at where your mind belonged his lucky ali!!!
Mind this you, almost, just bout, almost there happy…!
One realisation this morning after this state of mind that you’ve woken up with…..more on this later again but this need to write it now if you think of it how beautifully foolish is the heart I say!!
Lilst of something and the way all of the reality realisations were swept away by just that one moment of his presence even be it in the dreamscape to just live that one most longed for wish of yours for a moment even be it in a dream meant so much away naii!!
How why what you still donno but everytime you live a moment of his like this live him like this it itself reasons out what and how you still feeel bout him…
Visuals!!!!!!!!!
When you wakeup from a moment like this one as you change sides and this one big wish your half still asleep heart makes to write him as you live him for real as watch him sleep beside you...
VISUALS!!!!!!!!!!
This sheer beauty and magic of such strong visuals!!!!!!!!!
Some words and reads!!!!!!
It's been one slow eased out start to the day as of now Tim Grover whattt writing a lil drag initially but the flow amazed!!!!
A lil Note to self never order for another book unless you are done with the one on hand!!!!
It's the way some reads can make your mind that curious and that urge to know more read more ahead the way the writer keeps mentioning you'll more on this as you read ahead.....also when you can't wait to come back home and watch the last dance series sudden interest in nba let's see where this goes!!!!
So far so good words that jell with your mind, like that flow of words last night with that one strong pull to all things him to this one today to all things inspiring and working at it..
So it’s the sound of the alarm of the heart every single time that you’d felt all this while getting out of his way or deleting him, so there actually is a thing like that and you weren’t the only fool feeling it away and it wasn’t just your mind…like you did something that wrong some words just like dreams can totally transform the mind and reality away!
This one read tonight like it’s reading your mind your thoughts that have been rushing all this while!!!!!!
Something’s can never make sense and then there are signs like these that strong pull like always pulling all of you closer to Him…
Another word closer, to dreams n Him…!
Line of difference - dreamscape and waking life!!
Words yet again on nights like these!!!!
This complete flow of words…
Some words and the way they stay with you is beyond literally logics!!!!!!
Reading now feels like another beautiful alternate for meditation…goes real slow but spending that bit time more on that!!
Done for the day and it was a better one than yesterday!!!!
This sudden realisation today when you were able to fit into workout vests after almsot more than a year and this thing bout making this year to be your year…..
After a long weird stomach knotted feel this felt good….something’s nai out of nowhere can suddenly land you into something you were least expecting!!
That one feel that stays throug the workout post workout selfie as well…
If not loved the worst would be for somebody to not want any sign of you to that extent no matter what!!!!!!
And the weirdest thing being mind going otherwise and then the way he comes saying making you feel things away again where you lose sense of the reality and the dreamscape…waking stage moments making you feel it that strongly dreams elevating it all to another level and his actions the stark opposite!!!!!
Again from to where only it was supposed to be just a workout journal!!!!!
Street fight kinda push the waking up today felt like.....
This one big question of your life what did you do so wrong!!!!!!
This one day of the week mostly when you check on the client replies delivery updates way of communication like just overall check as this day is also lavanyas off day so instead you check the work page and stats basically so can post accordingly.....
But the day mornings usually starts from loghin on the business page with sleep eyes looking for him just seeing the page and getting back to checking the stats later on...
Just days back when posting pictures and stuff you did check like the work page wasn't blocked until this morning the work page too blocked!
That first question thought lostness you were filled with never for once did you ever message him on Instagram for the first thing from either of the accounts never watched his story there like didn't disturb him any which way ever and yet!!!!!!
The way it just felt like from being held by him in the dream this morning to standing in the middle of nowhere and just being pushed back with both the hands that kinda hard push again which you least expected!!!!
This mind today ever since then this weird feeeling with that one constant question ringing through what did you do that bad to him like in which way did you ever cause any kinda harm that could've possibly triggered a hatred this level!!!!!!
Not wanting any sign of you till this level and for what???!!!
Exactly why you didn't wanna write out this mind the way it's feeling all the more worse now!!!!!
Over n out charlie back when the smile comes back n the mind feels better!
Writing still thinking recalling what did you do that wrong!!!!!
Happy high eyes his that one smile and a zillion memories of seeing that very moment living that very smile of his from that close!!!!!!
It's that beauuutiful mix of a lot of passion and lot more adooorableness in that one teethy smile of his from back then cause itvakways used to after a bite moment so you don't really again know to adoree him away or eat him away instead !!!!!!
Today right through the meets and work being done with lil delays and lot more chaos ther3 was this calm rushing through you with his music literally placing the loudest volume possible at studio......with just that realisation of what who you've become just by growing in love with him...
Head to toe it's this beauuuuty of anything Him that you've become.......
Lot more than just love, that makes you respect yourself love yourself all the more....
It's different charlie like even trying to write the exact feeel is wordless even with all the guilt and sharam you had to go through with just that realisation it's not upto you anymore.....
That question same question he had asked in the recent chat don't you miss being loved cause I know how much you like it , again of all the people when he asks you that, it's not bout missing something some feel for the sake of feeling it....missing out on something and then for the sake of not missing out doing it......it's bout who you wish to live it with.....it's bout who you want to be loved by with!!!!!!
It never was bout finding love again cause you still are very much in love with him, always have been, so it's always been bout missing his love for you inthe waking state...not bout missing any love!!!!!
Its just the waaaàaay anything to do with him charlie automatically tranforms you away andar se he like not mind wise but itsbjust that beauuuutifully natural like apne aap se it all just starts to feel better and then to see him is a happiness on another level like nothing in the world can possibly make you happy the way just seeing him smile does ayyyaaaaaaaa it's thatcone level of unmatchable Khushi his one face with that one smile any smile and specially this wide teeeth one was his signature smile after biting you away.....the way after bite he would show his teeth with eyes shut adooooooorably!!!!!!!
And every single time he used to do 5hatv it's that feeeeeeeel you live on the inside charlie seeing some visual living some moment like just seeing it it makes you sooooo soooo happy it's a level of happiness you can't reason out don't know it yourself but know sure that nothing else could make you feel that way.....that moment every single time he smiled that way was to you exactly that!!!!!!
His mere existence is happiness, like could do nothing at all and yet that feeeeeeel he gives away behind logics!!!!!!
To the today when you are finally fitting into the clothes after an year almost.....like you can def see the change in you physically skin wise now that yovve started to take care of yourself after having been too caught up at and with work for over an year.....
This thing again you wanted to wear with him wear it his way with the new jhumkis and his black bindi.....
It's that Khushi sudden with that wish and you come out the room and your mom first thing how pretty you looked after very long and the next fataak question don't you miss being loved!!!!!
Skip breakfast and dabba of lunch and head out for work.....
A lil early than usual cause you had to finish abfew things at work.....
But the way question leftbyou with another question how do you even answer that after having lived moments like the ones you lived this morning with him even be it in the dream......
This very line of difference between the dream and reality, that you can't explain or define in words....or even tell somebody bout what and how much it means to you!!!!!
After the very uncomfortable reveal and that realisation hitting you had to rush to work with that still state of mind how could you not remember it or notice it over insta or anything that connected you with that date or festival like how could you not why don't you remember these things if you can remember exactly what and how you felt when he said something decade back when he looked at you in a certain when you felt something for him for the first time like how do you remember the lilst of him and can't remember a thing of the present.....like you can't intentionally obvsly fix your brain for memories nai!!!!!
Stil thinking wondering confused get into the lift and somebody just gets in with his Tera hone Laga hoon track playing over the fone....that one rushhhhhhhhh zooorse like suddenly your face all of you was just slammed with the wildest rush of breeze out of nowhere like those filmy styles i tell you where sirf actress ke baala hawa se udre evrything around is still that kinda solid moemnt after a min or two the fone hangs or something like you could overhear the person struggling to play the track with no signal in the lift gets off at the other floor and you just save the moment save the feeeel away and play the song over your fone.....coincidentally wearing the white shirt and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him!!!!!!!!!
Like suddenly from that self sharam and guilt vibes you were that beauuuuuutifully laced awayagain with evrything him!!!!!!
Just like that out of nowhere yet again, the Him moment happened and like always made it all better!!!!
Dates to do with him moments to do with him memories first somethimgs lilst nothungs bhi are something you clearly remember...
Like there's no way missing out on that again not something you write down you will or are doing to remember it just happenes as naturally as you breathe...not something you need to work at as easy as that!!!!!
The only society carpenter since you've moved here has come multiple times to your place for fixing redoing something or the other and yet when the guy comes with you on the call with manager mom saying something at the background you stand at the door and treat the guy as a Amazon parcel wala and evry single time that fellow had to reintroduce himself saying mam mein carpenter and you immediately realise call him Haan yaasmin and he says nai mam yaseem!!!!
Same person same Galli same listen of groceries same stuff it's that difficult unmanageable for you to remember and something as important as rakhi cause you were the closest to your brother you did forget this time.....
Even writing it now this one feeeel charlie....ye kaise Aisa hua nai maloom charlie but the way those terrace meets with him was the start of the transition in you......
It's not what good you share with people you just need that one someone in your life you can share your worst with and still expect to be loved by the end of it.....it's who you can just bare literally your soul with and still feel loved want to be loved want to be held onto it's that thing that makes you wanna love them more that thing that which changes you in the process in the best way possible.....its like loving them you start to live love your transition yourself all the more...
To you Him was is will always be all this and more.....
Eve of rakhi blank face and your mom says it's rakhi today and gives you the gift like evry year it's her way of doing it for bhayya....
Open it and it was silver jhumkis nothing like youd ever seen before and she mentions gold you don't like silver you do....the very sight of em again Him, the way he wanted to see you in silver jewellery with the chikankari kurtas you usedbto wear back then.....like mentioning he was more of a silver person than gold....
It's that thing ever since then to wear silver jewellery with whites and the black bindi again his love.....
It was a beautiful mix of feeling charlie somehwrre that horrible guilt of having forgotten bout rakhi and secondly to just realise to know to see this you.....
Priorities charlie, life and love is nothing but just priorities , to see to understand to realise and then to live it!!
Firstly back to few days in a flash....
Firstly when your mom comes back not a word of what happened there nothing at all and all she mentions is never to ask her to visit them again no matter what.....
Apart from that she was pretty normal but that bit stays in your head you try ways to make her say it out doesn't work....worst thing again apart from missing out on bhayyas day and birthday and this year rakhi too was something just slipped your mind...
Over breakfast on rakhi your mom asks you for if you did remeber what day it was and that itself sounded like bad news cause def mustve slipped on some imp date...
This you the way you are now what you've become wasn't something you'd planned on....like this is how I wish to be years from now or this is what am aiming at ambition wise success wise status wise or even emotionally as a person it jst happened....
One of the most beauuuutiful magical things of your life just like that walked into your life in his own way and nothungs ever been the same evr since then...THIS wasn't something you'd planned on or this is how am going to be from here on it just happened along the way......
With every moennt of him presence and absence you just grew rising falling in love with him more and more with each passing day days and years......it just happened!!!!
It's only when you live him in pictures or visually does it hit you with the sudden rush of a zillion emotions that that's how long it's been since you saw him for real.....otherwise it's like he never left, he has always been there!!!!!
As crazy as this sounds writing and reading it out that's exactly what it's felt like all these years!!!!!!
These moemnts nai life to you!!!!!
There's that sense of peace even in chaos charlie that one feeeeeeel like he is with you through it all!!!!!
Again one of those feeeels when you relive the vry same feeling of realisation of taking that leap of faith and taking the most important and biggest decision of your life in your hands - Him...to just stick stay and accept more importantly Him with and in his absence too...
Thought it over n over again could never come up with why it's always been why shouldn't you cause of the waaaaay you still just feeeeeel him and how!!!!!
Time and again this one constant has always been in your life, Him be it presence or absence, just there......
Today last few days these chit chats and yet that one thing just this strong realisation of how much you love him and how much of him you've become all along the way.....also in a way made you much much stronger than you've ever been in your life...
Right through these realisations mind in your own him zone at concu with manager and that need to just live him like you just had to and as she leaves to place the order that one red most loved circle right there....hit it and ayyyaaaaaaaaa your heart your meal of life right there he is the most loved adooooooorably delicious face of your life i say!!!!!!
Even as you recall and write now ayyyyyaaaaaaaaa that one face that one set of teeth that one just face all of him life right there!!!!!!!
Mom chatting bout something you literally gulped down your dinner and waiting for her to finish and the way beech beech mein she keeps commenting on your smile like witbhef talking something serious was making you smile was the comment....
But ayyaaaaaa charlie the waaaay it's always been like this since that first smile of his that you'd lived back then the waaaay him smiling watching him smile just like that puts on the biggest smile on your smile fataaak se that very instant.....
And this picture todaaaay ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh the waaaay he looks that yummilllyyyy adoooooorablest i say whooo nai hote kabhi some kids that cuuuute you wanna eat em away in your life he has always beeeen that one right from the start!!!!!
Initially his smiles making you happy for no reason just cause he smiles and ting bolkee puts a smile on your face away...today it was is a loooot more than making you smile it's that rushhhh to just eat him awaaay I saaay ayyaaaaaa utttaaaaaa cuteeee howwweeee!!!!!
Like you just can't wait for it to be just you just sooo you could write it all out!!!!!
Days like these!!!!!!!!!
The waAy he literally came running away when u missed him that very hour that very baaad!!!!!!!
THAT one face in the world for you ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa when even a candid shot of his literaaalllly made you wanna eat him awaaay I say!!!!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that one adooooooorablesssssst one in the world!!!!!!!
Suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cutestpieeeee howleeeeeeeeeeeee this one rush of misseeeeing seeing his face upclose after the longest time even be it ina picture!!!!!!!!
Sluuurppppp away i say!!!!!!
Lilst moments last few days amidst the ironies adding that THAT much him away and how!!!!
Rakhi you forgetting mom coming back with another state of mind like handling too many things at once and that same vibe of him amidst evrythung your only storm and calm of life!!!!!!
You gorgeous lil big adoooooooorable thing how only again you were missed today!!!!!!
Moments last few days and today!!!!
Saving it away!!!!!
All you need is that whiff of love lilst things in love and the waaaaaay they can leave you transformed I say!!!!!!
Is beyond logics and words!!!!
This morning that one face it’s the waaaaaay he is that fulllluy wholeefullly there even be it in the dream charlie…..this one MASSIVE RUSH of misseeeing I say that one visual of Versova after years the fence the whole vibe of the story tjebfeeeel of it cause you were still half asleep mind just that bit foggy manager talking bout something akele in kitchen that need to see him and the second you do thaaaat one wooooooosh bolkeeeeeee feeeel it left you with ayyaaaaaaa!!!!!
To that misseeeing yesterday just recalling how long it’s been since you saw him for real touched him lived his presence for real along with the zillion other things like it’s veeen THAT long!!!!!!!!!
And the waaaaaaay he comes this morning holding you awaaay the closest literally closest to his chest kinda hug like he used to backbthen after a gap of being away at Bangalore or Bombay!!
That same feeeel of that much missing in his hug the waaay he just holds you away to the moments after!!!!!
Like he was there that whole fully allll of him making you feel his love away something’s you write and read now as you do dreams have got a way of their own completely……this highhh misseeeing high on him I say!!!!!his stare his eyes charlie looking into your soul kinda stare diving deep in you just by looking at you kinda one look from him!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaa tummm aisaaa waisaaa kaisaaa kaisaaaaaaa yaad aaare Jii!!!!!!!!!!
Workout done after a week long circumstantial skipping it…..mind just, happy!!!!!
This feeeeeeeeeéel of him in the mornings when your mind all of you is still in that sleep haze eyes foggy mind foggy and slow and this rushhhh of him with a dream and him like this , just looooovee!!!!
This time of the day starting with this rush of him charlie just tooo toooo beauuutifullest i say!!!!!!!
It's this THIS much him it fills you overloads you away with even much before the start of the day.....
Love loooove this feeeeel of him in the mornings too!!!!!
No wonder this beyond reason looove for waking up to him...
Be it the other when almost soon as you wake up the first thing you see was his story like that obvsly after seeing the manager but practically you didn't much seee really sed the manager.....it was still his story the first thing almost like you met him at versova itself at that very moment!!!!
Mind and heart i tell you, find its own ways to fill up the misseeeing away!!!!!
Howleeeeeeeeee tummmmm jaaaaaan meriii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Working with his music and this sudden realisation to write down Abhi k Abhi isn’t it this beautifully ironic when a visual of a place after years brings back that beautiful rush of memories n moments with every tiny lil detail of someone and leaves you with achefull misseeeing, see that it’s not even a word but that’s exactly how it feels like today ever since the waking up….
Yesterday was a happy rush today it lands up in this acheful misseeeing a misseeeinf that hurts somehow in a beautiful way…if that even makes sense!!
It’s like giving life and visuals to a memory that brings along THAT much him from that day visually this time!!!!!!
Be it just Him and things around him the beach the fencing the tinted tiles over his house the jammed window that you check out andntry to open and he just chuckles away seeing you try to open it and he just says much later it's been jammed that way ever since he moved in..... like you were nervous firstly cause it was the first time ever that way secondly just living his details space around him the corners of his space to the music along.....
Like you remember the tracks also with moemnts be it his hand movements with the track or just lvinng moments and the way he would just suddenly move differenttly over alrund you with some track change.....like suddenly the pace changes and starts to race kinda shift with the track change.....also was your first to live feeel experience that moment SOMETHUNGS you write and this solid goosebumps it's giving you away but this mind just wants to relive and feeeel it away i say!!!!!!
Like you even remember holding him tighter with that change in him and he even mentions it saying you felt it right!!!!!
Like even in the most losing your sense kinda moments he would still keep that constant eye and thus he used to mention even back then first initial chummies on you closing your eyes and him with his eyes wide open saying after kitttaaa feeeel karkee you shut your eyes away nai!!!!!
TBISSSSSS miinnnnddddd!!!!!!!
Exactly what things to do with him do to you suddenly the waaaaaays it all comes back in details!!!!!!!
There are things to want in life things you want to experience in life in general and then there is that part of life you reach at or realise at when it's just that one person you wish to live and experience it with....be it life experiences or experiences in love it's just that one someone you want to live it with live yourself with...then it's not just bout that experience it becomes who you want to live it with....
Be it experiences like these or just those many wishes in your list be it simple as having kulfi with him at the stadium place and just watch him eat it in his own adoooooorable way like the bunny rabbit or to road travel with him or just smoke up with him or as simple and complete as Life with Him...!
Not sure if it's even right to write it out but this one urge to just do!!!!!!
This flow of moments wait i swear!!!!!
Evry single it lands you at that moemnt just bout to step and still looking at him waiiiiting for him to stop you ask you to stay back how do you even cope with such things i tell you!!!!!
The feeeeeels that comes with him that realisation of feeling like a woman that comes and also that fastly goes with him and then that wait was also there......specially after literally opening your imagination and how!!!!!!
Evry single feeel yohve ever felt right from the start the tiniest to the gigantic ones it's always been him......to recall it now the way he wanted to tell you ask you to stay back also but why he didn't.....
Just bout to leave get ready in his washroom and he comes running literally asking kya karii and just stands beside you and your mirror moment happens that way for the second time the same thing had happened before bup when he looks at you and then looks back at him through the mirror and in ishaara saying perfect together!!!!!!
Again one of those moments where any sudden loud reaction could put him off and you keep your loud mouth andbface shut and he just holds you away again with his head over your shoulder still nodding away that's him saying not to leave and you move back loking at his face with that excitement and he soon adds will have to se if we find an auto car bhi repair mein hai.....hopes sink again!!!!!
It's like there was that on n off peaks of excitement maybe this is when he asks you to stay back that one wait was ironically hilarious i swear.....like even sitting in the auto looking back seeing his legs looking towards you and still wondering maybe he will stop you now.....
This sudden rush of rains now!!!!!
Some moments thus filmy this statevif mind mind this beauuuutifully high on him and this sudden stromg scent of the rains and the waaaay it always bring him along!!!!!!
Sooo yeahhh back to the idli done and you take the plates and stuff and he heads to the washroom saying the maid wil come tomo don't clean n stuff and you notice there were lot of vessels already there and ask him if she came that day and he says a no saying she will tomo and you anyway clean the stuff and still there ask him to change the thingnthat you clean the utensils with or something and him standing right behind you as you turn and he holds you away asking kya karii ye sab mere paas chal and literally holds you away off n back to the couch again.....he was being passionate and how but strangely more than that he just wanted to feel loved charlie like just your closeness was something he was craving more for.....the way he would stil beech beech mein go all but it was more bout just that need to hold you be held by you to just live your details smell you away also that wasbthe first time he was smelling you away usually it's you the dog that looooooved to sniff him away!!!!!! Like just LOVED!!!!!!
But that day it was him smelling you away!!!!!
No matter how many times recall relive and write out that day spent with him was like no other.....you avoiding calls fr home him finally asking you to take it and the second you tell him bout having to leave the waaaay his face changed that very second charlie......no matter what that one word from him that one expression from him that one anything from him and there is nothing inthus world I say that could stop you from being close to him.....
The waaaay charlie he just looks at you him on the couch you standing and taking the call andbthe way he just holds your hand and that one nod saying a no and pulls you back saying bas 5 min aur.....
From that to another half an hour or something he just holds you chumming you away in that new way and just stays that way.....just holding you and one more call and then moves a lil away saying go get ready....when he holds you back till that moennt of stepping out that one wait for him to just ask you to stay back only even when he says bas 5 mins that wait was there for him to just say it.... cause that day you just didn't wanna leave him not like other days you do but it was diff that day that one feeeeeeling of finally being that close to him.....to many more feeels i tell you!!!!!
That one wait till you found the auto also still looking at him with that inside talk rokleeeeee nai jati!!!!!!
One biggest sigh this very moment right now!!!!!!!!
It's always been like this strangeky always that close and........
Howleeeeeeeeee you are being missed in the most notorious of ways possible I saaay!!;!!!!!!!!!!
Iskoooo abhiiii ke abhiiiiii bas chummiiii thi bhi lagjaaana with that def realisation of this was me bolkeee most importantly!!!!!!
Abiii k abhiiiii someone up above show some magic i say tonight also!!!!!!!!!
From that to other moments some first time ones to just those hours of just living each other.....
Like from that moennt on there was no moving you away from him not even half or quarter inch away frm him even if you keep slipping off his leather couch the way he would pull you back to him with your t shirt and this one time literally lifts you over him still sleeping positiom mein with that hummaa ab nai girti.....
His hands leg every bit of him wanting you to be closest to him even his face as you trybto chummi him the way he would move back slightly and instead just watch you with that gorgeously sexy smile on him.....and then slowly a moemnt the way he was chumming you that day was also something he never did before that was another first too something's daaaaaamb you just wish you could literally write out how!!!!!!
Feeeling away not just your palm or hand but your arm too leaving his color of love literally every corner of you possible and the way he keeps beech beech mein saying chalta nai cause these will show and you just nod away asking him not to stop.....
That was your way of saving him away saving those moments with him away the more the merrier cause who doubt hamesha rehta next time?!
Andbyou just wanted most of you almost all of you covered away laced away colored away with evrything him....and that's exactly what he does...
It took literally almost two or more than 2 weeks for them to fade away....you were literally deep purple walking talking version of deep purple all over your arms full hands neck and there!!!!!!!
Evry single day post that meet that one wait but the way those very traces of him over you sort of also gave away that hope maybe today maybe next day didn't happen donno why!!!!!
Somehow this one thing nai could never make sense he loves you for sure always felt that, then.....
Don't want to let your mind go there!!!!!!
Sooo yeaaah moment after moment watchjngbhim get Maggie for you and giving you the plate and tells you if you don't want to eat the whole lemme know cause am hungry and that's only left....eat a spoon or two cause that was made by him and give him the rest again with him even if you skip away lunch dinner stillwoulfnt be hungry cause him na charlie used to make your heart full......to just watch him eat live him to thoalse moments suchaaaa joy immense joy that reaches your heart seeedhaaaa!!!!
Soon some doorbell and it was the idli guy and you joke bout it saying idhar bhi idli and he first gives it to you saying ab khaa bhook lage tho khana nai again he knew that bout you!!!!!!
How you dont know, things you never had to tell him the way he would just knowswws charlie......by then you were hungry eat some give him rest as the chutney wasn't good.....recalling these moments this sudden feeeeel how lucky you truly did get in life nai.....
This comes out from your heart with the widest smile possible right now, HOW LUCKY!!!!!!!!
That moment seeing him his face that realisation he was now closest to you and just bout to hold his face and he turns the side with that first word and beautiful sigh I missed this coudlnt feel this with anybody else.....
Mind a zillion questions anybody else matlab Aisa Tak bhi hua and all that stuff but that one look at him right there and evrything else then and there blurs away all that stayed was Him and that moment that realisation of him being right there laying over your lap.....the way he gently takes your hand and places it over his head one look at you and you just run your fingers througbthe hair his that one look again was like back then in those terrace meets when he would do the same take your hand and just place it over his head one look and you massage hus head away....
That day that very second was like your poooora world right there in that moment like all you need bas!!!!!!
His eyes shut with that smile on him is when you realise how much it meant to him things like these he used to do charlie without a word alwaaaays made you feel the most special in the world cause it made you realise relive how much that moment with you meant to him how happy itvwas making him to just be that way with you....
To that sudden towards you and pushes hisbface literally into your tummy and holds you away finally!!!!!
Moments like these would always land you up in the most beauuuuuuuutiful fix if to adore him as your kid cause he was being one and he will be always, or to just lather him awaaaay literally with all the love n rush rushing through you!!!!!!
The way he would hold you away against your tummy wa shim being your kid!!!!!
Before you even do something else gets off and heads back to the other couch again.....
This time you just couldn't hold back any longer not even a second more literally and you head over to his side of the couch close to his legs kneel n sit there and just live him form that close as he tries to do something on the laptop and come in the way and jst sit there and he moves a lil back hands folded saying acha aisaa andbyou start to play around with his hair few times over styling it up jhnny Bravo thing and finally that one moment when he just stops you holds your hand and just thatvone stare hands down and then spreads his arms wide open finally that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie to just land in his arms finallllly that sense of being closest to him finally to touch him to hold him to smell him to live him away from that close to just that feeeeeeeeeel of a finalllllly him!!!!!!!
Something's !!!!!!!!!
Exaaaaactly why Versovaaaa the heart of you!!!!!!!!!
Why nothing can could make you feeeel all this like this the way anything to do Him does!!!¡!
Biggest heartful of love wala sigh!!!!!
He has always been that walking talking version of your heart and this you've felt evr since the first time you saw him walking throufh that gym door over the tiles with every step your heart right there...
Even that day as he rolls his beedi and you just live him to his music that feeeeel inside this one face how much you missed thatfeeeeel charlie when you just wanna go do everything away hold him away chummi him away lick him away like you know live him his details evry detail in every possible way possible....but there is also that initial way he used to behave like you know be a lil distant not be too close have that stil wall there where you just know by his behavior you still can't just go all out there and hold him away no matter how bad you want to!!!!!
Even as he makes you take that puff he was that close to your face and you just live him his facial details nose lips his eyes looking you throufb the smoke the first puff hits you but more than that it was just Him charlie it's always been just Him!!!!!!
He makes you feel like a woman makes realise you are one.....in the most beautiful way possible be it absence or presence uts always been just Him!!!!!
Like that need to hold him chummi him but the way he moved a lil back soon after that first hit and checks your face out and asks you to come close and take one more again.....do and still that wait is baar tho he will hold you close naah doesn't happen epic fail again....even worse goes back to his couch and changes the music again and checks something on his fone is when you ask him if he had enough time and he mentions bout having to leave for a meet at 4 even when you were just voutbto check the time like he that surely knew that bout you like evrything else chuckles away saying time hai apne paas....
See the time and it was 3 hours left and you say something like iteee door se sirf 3 hours time hai is when he starts to talk bout his work n stuff and all your mind was stuck at was to just hold him away charlie like just hide all of you away in him is when he fataak se gets off and just comes to your side of the couch and even before make sense of the moemnt he lays his head over your lap....
AyyaAaaaaaaaa agaaaaaain SOME MOEMNTS you write and relive !!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
There is that closeness charlie one being physically close and the other being just connected like evry bit of you far or near just linked connect3d and that kind of closeness is prolly the most beautiful one.....cause even with him sitting away on the other couch that day that wasvthe closest youd felt with him post bup for the first time......
Like ever since that first step ínside his house the way no matter what his eyes on you Evey second no matter what you do where you are be it in his kitchen washroom the way his constant stare at you it's when you know that's how much he missed you all that while like this he always used to do back then too like you see him evrydqy be with him every single day but on some days specially the way he just wouldn't take his eyes off you even whilst driving that sometimes you just had to lay over his lap just so he could focus on driving and he would just knoww it like always and joke away saying hau nai ye best or safe hai atleast you are this close now.....
To those drives whilst dropping you back post opera moments again his constant stare it's very different charlie there's not much of a smile just that constant vibe of living away your details like he was saving it away drops you at your place getting off the stairs as you walk back with him to the lift and him still constantly looking you in the eye with that one final nod of his getting in the lift saying ye nai hota merse why do I have to drop you back.....
Right from that first time he looked at you and held you away this one feeeeeel one vibe with that stare of his has always been holding you away closest to him...
That day too as he rolls his beedi still looking at you and you ask him in ishaara what's up and he stil on with the stare not a word ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa SOME MOMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!
Howleeeeeeeeee this very moment missed the worst way possible!!!!¡!
Kabhi lagtaaaa charlie ittteeeeeee zorseeee miss karti usku kabhi toh kuch tho lagta hoga na uskoo!!!!
Like some shift something in him that makes him feeel ekdum se she must have missed bolke like something some universal pull somethung has to be there nai when the misseeeing is at this elevel today!!!!!
Right from that very moment of his text that day to come see him to on your way counting seconds waiting for the road to end at his place like how soon how can you in some way just forward the road a bit and just reach him that one rush all the way till you are finally there.....
The heart the you all of you like always not just post bup but pehle bhi that one something just shifts in you seconds away from seeing him the way the inside the outside of you just changes some shift in you like you can that strongly feeel it every single time.....even be it when it was seeing him every single day it always there...
Something's you write and thus dhadaaaam feeel it fills you away!!!!!
That day too as you walk and call him asking for the entrance and he mentions it being at the bum side of the apartment....and you ask him to come out as you notice the beach view right there....
The fence overlooking the versova beach stand there sound of the waves crashing by along with those waves rushing through you till that moennt when you hear his voice at the back whatsaaaappp sound of his voice like always that one smile you can sense in his voice as he comes and stands beside you....one look at him and ayyyyaaaaaaaa can never forget or get over that first visual or evry visual actually of him....that one adoooooorable puzzled face initially as he fataak se starts to trace Evey detail of your face...like he always used to do that see your eyes your cheeks your nose lips neck like evry corner possible just traces away your evry detail as you live him do so.....and after a few secs that slow Whatsup again wurt that slightest smile as he looks you in the eye.....and that rush wooooosh bolke one huge wave hits you away on the inside with just that one stare of his!!!!!
Look at the beach again and that one feeeel one calm of a finalllllllyyyyyyy him like that constant thought ringing through you he is here he is finalllyyyyyy here right beside you one wave outside a bigger one rushing on the inside.....and he just stands there not a word just living that moment with you as you talk bout how lucky he is to have the beach view right there to wake up to!!!!
He wa sjust there charlie like was doing thevsame thing that he did back then at the stadium just living away that feeeel of being with you without a word nothing.,...after a bit finally to his place!!!!!!
Evry single time youve written bout tus meet and every single time you just wait while wr8tng bout doing inside his house the way this very moment this visual of his entrance like it's right here.....and shut your eyes to relive it as you write and wooosh bolke goooswbumps cause he was standing right th3r3 holding the door waiting for you to come in...!
Even writing today feeels this differently beautiful!!!!!
Bhot time lagta charlie how why that one place did become the most psecial one in the face of this planet.....
How just those visuals of the fence the breeze the drizzle the beach view and the name versova filled you away with THIS much Khushi why you felt feelin the way you still do with just visuals of a place...
Who nai hota charlie something's you know and yet when you experience something like this on this level and watch yourself experience live this transformation over a visual it just makes you wonder question relive the reason itself...
Exactly that same feeel as you finally settle down this time of the hour off work off everything else and just Him......
Where even the tropical candle scent feeels like mind is still at the beach now.....to just live that moennt of him standing there close to the fence to watching the beach view at versova who bhi the waaaay this one rush RUSH it filled you with.....like evry blood cell in you has come alive and how!!!!!!
The Khushi inside the Khushi outside mind trippin on everything him from the innocent ones to the other side of him like evry bit of him this mind is filled with right now......
Why versova you did spend poora poora din with him back then why did versova become the most special one......
Versova was one to one time with him where you could just experience the complete him without him having to focus on the road or you having to live that constant fear of somebody coming in.....
It was just you and him that one to one living of each other.....no fear no doubt no diversions just you n him...
Like you coúld sense that same vibe same feeeel of rush in him too like he felt very same being with you that way for the first time maybe also why he just woukdnt let you half an inch away from him.....
Places charlie moments lived a version of him lived a version of yourself with him with that feeeeeel of finalllllly Him and his love for you in that very place!!!!!!
