Him = coming alive...!

 U think of this many a times on dull days sometimes how nothing makes you come alive not being anywhere being gifted something by your mom just to cheer you up like being somehwre nothing else has this kinda affect on or over you!!!!!

And here's him with a dream with a stare through sleepy starry eyes of his some gentle slow whisper of his taking your name some visual photograph sound of his whistle sound of his whiff whiff his hand movement of his hand anything to everything to do with him the waaaaaaaay waaaaàaaaays it transforms you away like this......

This mind this face this all inside what and how it's feeling away right now or evr since the start of the day on the outside no matter what this smile this rush of him this mind this beauuuutifully high on him like it's afloat off the ground just like his psy beedi vibes.....

The waaaay it leaves you transformed the visual of his house memories and flashes of him in corners lived......is when you realise again time n again how much HOW MUCH you loved living him even in his spaces to just live him around to live his lilst of details!!!!!

Today to live these lilst of moments of him his sound of whistle his hand the moemnts lived with him feeling his hand away skin and hair away..... like all it takes is a visual a sound to do this to you and howwww!!!!!!

It's this beauuuuutiful feel of rush charlie mind just hapoy high on him is when you also feel how happy someone's existence can make you feel is also when you realise that's how much you love them......not just cause you want them to love you but because you just love them....love them for their existence......

Chipppy today you are missed very very differently and for the zillionth time if only you had the slightest idea or feel, as to how much and how bad you were missed!!!!!!!

Sound of his voice...!

 Sneaking away the holding hands moemnts just before dropping you back late in the evenings like casually walking out and suddenly would come close chummi you away in the middl3 of the same place or just hold your hand away and on your way back home when you ask him why would he do that outside what if som3body sees him do that and stuff and just that one face he would make charlie saying he just loved the idea of you being at his place in his home right there and suddenly it used to make him feel very happy bout it like tujhe aise dekhe tho mere ghar mein it just makes me very happy i donno why.....and cause it suddenly used to make him that happy he loved the idea of chumming you away in the centre of his house or to just hold your hand away before everybody else even be it for a moment just used to make him that happy...

To just sitting there and watching tv with daadi for a few mins like he would stand at the stairs in ishaara calling you and here daadi wanting to spend some time with you holding your hand.....and after a while she herself used to tell you now go he is waiting for you.....

Soon as you are with him the very first thing somebody else holding your hand when I'm missing you this much just feels weird......like he would hold you away or ekdum se sit on the floor with against the wall and make you sit between the leg and hold you and tell you this......there was that tone of adoooooorable complaints in his voice the way he wood share such things away with you!!!!!

It's that thing again charlie of knowing someone loves you and that moemnt of realisation he loves you That much to you thise moemnts were all and more bout such realisations.....

HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

this one big sigh your heart lives i say after something's you relive as you write......

spaces 2!!!!

 It's been years since been there like somehow somehwre that wait was always there to just see his room in some story of his just so you could relive the moments seeing his room SOMETHUNGS again are beyond logic.....just that need to relive things visually seeing the corners of his room that him and you had named like the all out wall of his right outside the washroom that was yours and his most fav corner and wall of the house......to the lucky corner to the mirror corner to the sneak out corner to his music collection corner of his room but today to see his house inside of it after years left you with a huge rush of missed and mixed memories......

Cooking for the first time in your life like a proper meal with sheera poori on his demand to making rotis for breakfast for him early morning where even uncle stays back for some cause you were making it to daaadi stepping into the kitchen and how it becomes a big deal in the house cause she never did for any ody and actually does it for you cause she was more worried forbyou than what you were cooking.....the person that filled up that missed out grandmother love and adore in your life......even chachi usedbto see and feel this she definitely loves you a lot for her to be with you the way she used to be.....

To the dining area again that meal with him where him that beauuuuuutifullu High stays back for you even when he had to be somewhere cause that day that one meal can never forget..... instead of sliding down he takes the steps that slow and with each step just looking at you also wasbthe first time when his sister was telling him something he instead constantly Stares at you without even responding and just bout to leave takes a step back and instead joins you at the table his sister again asking he had to rush and he instead nods and calls out bhupal to lay a plate for him too....

That first thing with that one smileeee he asks you poli khaati and you just nod asks bhupal to get one for you brings without ghee asks him to bring along and takes your plate adds the ghee and that wait still watching you eat it..... looks for bhindi on table and that was the last portion of it on your plate get off and give it on his plate and that one stare through n through charlie like all that while his sister was speaking to you speaking to him but he was barely responding to any lik all he was doing was making the most of your orsence that day......

That one smile seeing you give the bhindi and in ishara asks you to have the poli and soon as you take the first bite asking again without a word if it was good and just by your expression that one smileeeee that follows!!!!!

It's the way some moments sort of are sealed away within you thus clear even as you write and relive now the waaaay he was just looking at you that day!!!!!!!!

There was that sense of beautiful irony charlie that day he never stared at you that way constantly with his sister around and also him doing that for the first time also did scare you in a way that day.....lil did you kn9w!!!!!!!

SOMETHUNGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spaces laced with memories!!

 Just like sound and visuals, there's something that beauuutiful bout spaces and corners laced with memories....and specially when you've lived someone to the fullest in that specific space...

That visual of the inside of his house after years and right in the centre of it....the very first time when he takes you there right outside and Chachi tells him over the fonebthat fufu wasbthe re too and it wasn't the right time to bring you along, but him being him it's that thing again charlie, if he really wants to do something nothing no one can stop him from doing so.....that day too you insist chachi over call asks him not to do so but he takes you along you were literally shivering that day enter the house everybody all ladies in daadis room suddenly from all that talk n sound therebwas pindrop silence in the room everybody turns around and looks at both of you and the only two people that were smiling away in that room was daadi and Chachi.....

And he gets that nervous finally and shaky voice but smiling awaaaay that wide smile ofbhis says Soni ki friend hai.....and just asks you to come along upstairs with him....daaadi still looking at you smiling away asks you to come to her but he insists you come along with him....in ishaara tell daadi you'll come back again and go with him....

Him chuckling awaaay that adorably tells you everybody in that room knows you are withme now....and you are confused asking him even after him telling em bout Sonis fri3nd and him still smiiiiiuiling away thatvone happy smile of his they've never seen me bring home any girl before didn't you see their faces.....

As much as shit scared you were he was just that happy where you keep telling him you should be sitting downstairs insyeadband he tells you one more second downstairs and theyall will sit around you and get it out of you....

To the other moments of living thatbadooooorablneess of his sliding down from the stairs instead of taking the stairs asbyou live him sitting over the dining area.....

To those moemnts of lvijgn him missing him away in his presence across the table over lunches and dinners at his place....to him smiliiiing away that big smile sitting across the table on Holi just with that constant stare over your neck like his eyes were glued onto your neck throughout the lunch and you leave the food and get off to take a look as he in ishara even mentions bout taking your hair in the front with thatvone smileeeee.....

It was the darkest tone of his color of love over you!!!!!

Biggest and darkest and that one rush soon as you see it no wonder it was making him that happy away and HOW!!!!!

SOMETHJNGS again you write and relive!!!!!!

To live Him...!

 The soundbof his voice to the video to just the simple realisation HE IS IN HYDERABAD!!!!!!!

Like in your head logic should've been more like ya so he has been all these years too but the waaaaay feeeeling him away last night to this morning's dream him asking you to turn around and see like he was right ther3 all that while when you were searching for him.....which you mostly do 99.99999 percent of your life now.....like that's become your way of life now!!!!!!

Something's nai charlie you just gottaaa feeeeeeel it away swaaay awaaaaay to the waaay something makes you feel without questioning the reality and ruining it away.....cause there's a reason why we are made to feel things to live things and to just live them without questioning the whys of it...

Today the waaaay that whole vibe of the dream of his closeness of him making you realise he was right there that beauuuutifully fell insync with that realisation of him in Hyderabad made you feel was something else to just visually live him live the almost same vibe of the late night drive was like giving a visual to what and how you felt away just the night before...

The mind today at work this face today at work just wasn't straight.....the dye wala gets the color wrong and wastes away 35 metres of fabric and manager talkingnto the dye wala tells you the same hoping you would instead sort it out but this face today this beauuuuutifully him high and you just instead mention to recolor it again and back to your face.....like the smile just wouldn't go today to the same comment from the staff at workshop too Aaj mam bhot khush dikhre cause the smile was that bad glued on your face.....just that one ting of  a realisation HE IS IN HYDERABAD!!!!!!!

to much later througbthe day manager heads down to the workshop you grab her fone again to relive the moment and thus time it was the biggest memory rush in the recent times.....

Posts q picture of a kitten right in the middle of his house to the back there was his kitchen to the right daadis room to the left the dining table and every corner almost a memory moments relived!!!!!!!!

Even as you write and relive now ayyyyaaaaaa that one place too!!!!!!!

Coincidences...!

 That one longndrive to kulatpali and that vibe lived and missed his presence that badly with!!!!!

Like it made you relive those late night drives back home from opera same empty streets his sound of music playing that rush of him that beauuuutifully high on him statevof mind as you just can't take your eyes and hands off him to just feeeeel him away the waaaay he could sense that rush through you and just that one nod of his as you lay over his shoulder and feeeel his arms away just that one nod and that smileeeee saying am understanding what's happening and that one stare without a smile or word.......SOMETHUNGS again you write and relive this feeeeeeeeeeeeling it suddenly hits you away with!!!!!!!

It was too many feels too much missing as you miss3d him with on that drive .....

This morning since that dream that sound of his voice that stare of his that you could seee through even when that sleepy with eyes barely opem.....

Manager walks in and the first thing you ask the cook to make is Paratha as she loved it at your place and she heads over to the kitchen as expected grab her fone and rush to your room there it was the most loved circle of your life circling away......itvwas a late night drive location tag Hyderabad with his friends him sitting on the backseat for a change......

The vibe of the moment of that video was almost everything you missed and felt him away with late night drive sitting in the backseat Beatles playing rearvuew on the view .......

It's like these lilst of things that bring him along is when you realise how these lilst corners of your life are laced away with him..... THAT much of him!!!!!!

The stares through his rear view with his sister beside him and you at the back right behind him and these lil conversations througbthe reflection and he would suddenly play some track you loved the most and that on3 stare missing you away right ther3 through the reflection......

Again it's all bout the lilst of things charlie in life that can make you happy like nothing else prolly ever can.....

U don't n3ed too many things or biggest itbthungs to be happy it's all in the details, lilst of details of someone just in the way they move talk sound breathe......all in the details!!!!!!!

Chipppy you were missed a lot today and God knows if you only knew how much!!!!!!!

Kabhiii lagyaaaa when this kinda misseeeing hits you away like this if only you scream loud away enough can he hear it can he feel it away!!!!!

This is when you start to blame the beer now!!!!!!it's not you it's the beer!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 It's just the waaaay he gives in the third time instead of playing to the way the kitten brings forward the forehead he instead caresses it away without a sound.....

Just that transition right there stole your heart awaaay like that was complete heart moemnt right there shared between the two...

It's the lilst of things charlie in life that makes you love someone big.....to you it's always been these lilst of things bout him that bring you so soooooo much joy also why you looooooooved living his details away always his lilst of things that used to make you that happy.....his bond adooooorable kid talks with lucky too backnthen your heart right there!!!!!

This morning late night still asleep and you hear his voice that close to your ear asbyou move to and with the sound just that touch of his holding you away like you literally slipped away into his arms andbyou tried to turn towards the sound and the waaaaaaay he just gently holds you awaaay to the morning dream like this has been happening quite often lately.....

Wandering into the woods sometimes to the others around concrete walls or tallest of buildings around like you just wander with his some track playing in the background like aimlessly walking without knowing what you were looking for but always in some corner find him away and that's when you realise all that while you were looking for him...

This morning tree these tallest of overgrown trees around and abive where you could barely see the sky bhi just trees and big leaves all around n over and you try to make your way through and much after that one voice in the world fornyou, kidhar ghoomri re howli turn around and see once.....and you just stand there in that state of Khushi or just shock wndbthe waaaaaaay he slowly whispers saway like pehle Wale moennt mein you hear his voice at a lil distance but that second whips3r of his voice is when you feel his voice his breath over your ear like turn even less than an inch and feel his lips over your ear and calls out again karely the second time around and that one sudden rushhhhhhhhh through you and you dhadaam se turn and wake up with that jhatka!!!!!!

It was just that heightened level of khushiiibTHAT much love for him rushing through you in that very moment and from that moment on that beauuuuutifulky just high on him.....

In the previous dream when you turn and slip you just see a glimpse of his eyes they were sleepy or maybe your eyes were as you barely opened them but even in that one s3cond one his eyes like they pierce away travel through your soul every single time......

Just the waaaàaay he was thaaaaaaaat close to you in that one second of stare.....

Ayyyaaaaaaa some moemnts you recall as you write this feeeeeeeeling ekdummm se it can fill you up with!!!!!!!!!!

Mornings.....!

 This mind today just not feeeling straight ayyAaaaaaa that was one lil video of his on loop like you just didn't wanna let go of managers fone Aaj tho!!!!!

Like you could just go on replaying it over n over again with your heart screaming out if joy every single time on the inside you lucky pussy!!!!!

There was that beaaaaauty that same beaaaauty of his way of love charlie in that!!!!!

Where first attempt he plays with that whiff whiff adooooooorable sound of his voice just playing as he nudges over the nose of the kitten second time does it again but the third time the way the kitten brings forward the forehead with affection instead of playing this time the waaaaaay his hand movement changes just caresses the forehead this time with that much love.......

A yyyaaaaaaaa charlie that lilst moment between the two and that sudden load of feeeeeels it loaded you with was beyooooond words andnlogics of the world I say!!!!!!

That moemnt made you miss his love the MOST!!!!!!!!!

back to time travel asbyou live that moemnt of pure love, those head bangs with him where first time galti se and that one smileeeeee on him knowing you'll come closer this time to do it again and he lets you do and third time again bangs it and this time when you come closer the waaaay he used to hold your head away literally with his forehead and then stay that way looking you in the eye...

It was that random thaaaaaaaat beautiful that made you reminisce your own similar moment with him...

It's just the waaaàaay he is charlie ayyyyaaaaaa even as you write now and recall that moemnt of those 3 attempts ofbhis ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one fellow meraaaaaaaa pooooooora heart right there!!!!!!

Miyaaaaaa tummm aaaaaaaj itttaaaaaaa zooor shoooooor seee yaaaaad areeeee if you only knew how baaaaad you are being missed i say!!!!!!

Geeeeeliest chumiiiii lag jaaaaana uskuuuu abi k abiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Days like these!!!!!!❤️

 Days like these mornings like these throughout the day the Himtrip like this one today ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaa this one sexy lil big gorgeous thing has meraaaa pooooooooora kaaa pooooooora heart body and soul right there on him!!!!!!!

Said it before can say scream out a zillion godfuckingzillion times more nothing in the world can make you feel just the way anything to do with him does!!!!!!!

Every cel vein through you gushing with blood coming alive and HOW!!!!!!

Just his hand thaaaaaat one visual of his hand that beauuuuutiful gesture of love the waaaay his hand moved your heart poopppped out that very sec!!!!!!

As explicit as it sounds howwwww very luckyyyyy pussy I saaaay that one lil cute kitten just got that very lucky just the waaaaaaay his hand moved charlie ayyaaaaaaa!!!!!!

To that sound of his voice!!!!!!

Waaaay toooo many moments today right from the night fall to that dream of his to the stories of his!!!!!!

Tooo many beauuuutoful coincidences filled day!!!!!!

This one happpy face happpppy him high heart you’ve come back home with and that first question you look soo happy aaj kya hua studio pe you just look very happy!!!!!

Bossssss the waaaay this himhigh hits you poora beer can bhi least affect I say as it’s post 12 and as per his logic post 12 it’s next day so fasting done and this mind this beauuuuuuutifully himhigh ayyyaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeee miyyyaaaaaaa you were missed and HOWWOWWWWW!!!!!!

Saving the day saving this you away!!!!!!

This day today!!!!!!

Series of coincidences...

 The famous quote by the most adorable face on the planet i say, life is nothing but a series of coincidences...!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mornings like theseeeeeee with such such gorgeous coincidences i saaaay!!!!!!!!!

Razaaaaakkkkk miyaaaaaaaaa in town and HOW!!!!!!!!

Tummmm kiiitttttaaaaaaaaaa zoooor zoooooooooor se yaaadvaaareeeeee miyaaaaaaa if only you knew!!!!!!!

Mornings like theseeeee days like theseeeee momentsss like theseeee life nothing but such lil lil khush khush filled moemnts i say......

Lilst of things bout him and the waaaaays they just fataaak se make you just ....... Happppy!!!!!

Bombay vibe!!

 

To the day that made you feel like you were in Bombay back in time!!

From Mumbai, right from the very start of the day to dawn of it…!

Days like these!!

The today!!

 Later in the evening with rains couldn't get the delivery service for some urgent order on the kulatpali outskirts and as it was for some occasion had to deliver it yourself.....

With your manager midway stopover at tonique and the weather the him on the mind this one track on loop cause it in a beauuutiful way made you only miss him away all the more.....like some tracks make you feeeeelnkive away every single lil detail of theirs and in evry way possible this was one of those tracks today....

Backseat his track on loop with him on loop rains outside cozy up with a beer the mind was that beauuuuutifulky at ease.....

Again one of those feeeels to just live him away with a lil typsy mind......hide away the bottle as much as possible just so Venky doesn't notice it but that one feeeeeel charlie of the drive today.....with those tallest apartments in the way again with 5hat Bombay vibe as you look around mind i tell you was in the most beauuuutoful trip also being that late in the evening......like all of him from those drives late nite drives rushing through you!!!!!

There's something 5hwt beauuutiful and romantic passionate bout late night drives nai.....streets all empty just you speeding away the visuals in a rush mind that beauuutiful rush of him......as Evey lil detail of his his every corner of the face and overall plays on loop and HOW!!!!!!

it was something else today.....

Right from that smile of his at the start of the day to th3se details of his rushing through you tjroufbthe day and as you write and relive now.......

One face one Him in the world for you I say!!!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!¡!!!

 To just live those different versions of him to the fullest almost fullest if you think of it now was something else.....

Again cause that was the first time you got to live him that way live that kinda time with him......and prolly the only time for the longest and the first time where he just didntvwant to leave....at one time initially he mentions bout having head out in an hour or so and when you ask him around that time if he had to leave thatvone nod andbjust stays.......

To live that love of his to live him that closest for the longest of time it filled you up with how much you were and are in love with his existence charlie......

Like not just love something bout him or when with him but even in his absence just the thought feel realisation of him his presence , in love and awe of his whole existence....

All that he is and everything that he is, just LOVE!!!!!!!

today seeing that one word versova literally opened away all the windows inside of you and not just that single window backnthen at his place.....

Through the day just that thought and feeeeeeeeel of his closeness that not just your mind and body missed but that feeeeeling on the tips of your fingers that strong rush of missing......to touch and feel him away like all those hours to just feel him away as much as you can......

Like itjust felt strangely beautiful today even the fingers tips reliving that feeeeeel of his skin his hand the hair over his hands his hair his nose his skin Evey lil detail bout him rushing through you.....

Get some work done but the mind i swear today!!!!!!

Head out for some fabric work and like there was a lineup all cars with MH number plate like almost evry other car with an MH plate like suddenly felt like you were in Bombay and not Hyderabad.....

To this other moment of magic when almost all the cars lined up right infront of his spot qmart too had mh plates.....

Donno what it was but that one state of mind today charlie the waaaaaaaays you can miss someone......

HIM!!!!!!!

 As he turns and you lower a lil just to see him clearly the waaaaay he just looked that happy charlie just that smileee where again like back then there was you wantung to chummi him away badly and there was also the you knowing him wanting to live that feeel for longer let him do so......just like he did back then on those sudden terrace meets where he just wanted to be close to you feel your presence with him......

That day too in that moment the way he looked like he did miss that feeeling and justbwanted to live that feeel for the moemnt......

What followed after were moments of love passion and madness finding versions of him to live and HOW mad friend in one wanting to same wrestle away with youbhis usual most loved thing to living another set of firsts.....

Just him charlie all of him to and wuttvthe sound of his music......his smell his touch every lil detail of his his versions of smile to this one time when you try to get off to the washroom the way he just holds your hand and that one stare and just tells you jaldi ana and that was the quickest you've come out just that one stare like all he wanted was you to be closest to him like even when you wanted to get up and get some water and he actually shows you how you could sip away the water even over his shoulder like he just didn't let you move an inch away from him......

Every second the waaaaaay he just made you feeeel n realise how much he'd missed you!!!!!!!

The way he would pull your face closest to him and then just be living your details away and then the moments......and thus one time his hand over your stomach all while through some track with the other makignthose sound waves and right in between he stops and chuckled that adooooooorably saying kuch khayi nai kya? Bhook lagi bolna nai hota tumku!

Even wrijtn it now how bad you miss him getting mad at you that one adoooooooorable tone of his voice Evey single time he had to scream at you for some reason ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one fellow your pooooora ka poioooooora heart i say!!;!!!!!!!

Exactly how writing makes it all this beautifullllkkky worse!!!!!!!!

This flow of writing him and the waaaaaay all his lilst of details come out with the flow...!

VERSOVA!!!!!

 That day that meet was something else.....

Cause it made you live him carefree!!!!!!

Like not caring bout anything else anybody not the time nothing else.....

Initially soon as you feel that high after sometime the waaay he just comes close and lays over your lap and thatvone loud sound of his sigh and that sigh that wasntbjust the sound of it but something you could see it on his face too and you run your fingers through his hair and turns sideways and gets evenmmore comfy with his same usual way of finding that comfy spot over your lap with his head moving tryingbto settle in and then getting even comfier with that one smile and even with eyes shut tells you I couldn't do this with anybody else I missed this.....

To just live him that way charlie like there's rhatvfeeeeeelint when you've missed him that much evru sec to just see him touch him smell him live him feel him and then suddenly there Wass all him right there over your lap and you suddenly what to do how to be like if it's ok to just hold all of him away or is to too soon to chummi him away like there's that rush of tooo many waaaaaaay too many feels all at once cause from missing him that much to ther3 was all him right there over your lap who bhi......

SOMETHUNGS you relive and write and thus sudden feeeeeeeeeeeel of realisation of him being that close to you!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeee you gorgeous lil big adooooioiiiirabke thing how only you were missed abhiiii k abhiiii in this very moment het3!!!!!!!

versova!!

 From that very first smile of his outside to walking through the house and the way his face turned towards as he walks backwards lietrallu as you just look around his home at the corn3rs knick knacks around the house cause it was the first time away from home away from City to just be that way with him and after a gap.....the waaaaaay him knowing you that well senses that ij you and just that smile through n through as he doesn't take his eyesboff you even as you look up at the tintedt glass ceiling and look down at him and that one constant stare like he was making the most of your presence....and shows you the other side his black couch to one side with that low table with hus laptop over and his psy beedi stuff just beside.......

Some visuals SOME visuals only as you write and relive that moennt the waaaaaaay it all is this clear like that itself been over 9-10 years now since that meet andbyet this clear in your head......of all the people you whose pretty bad at remembering things otherwise but when it comes to him his tiniest of details and moemnts like it all was just yesterday...

Cause that day just as him his way of makingnthe most of orsence living away your details you were doing the same all to his sound of his music...

The vibe the whole feeeeeeeel of that day with his music playing slow initially him looking his beauuuuuuuutiful best in that knit kinda sweatshirt and first thing first word he asks you is for his psy beedi and that one chuckle that follows after asking if you smoked again and yu just nod away saying a no and that one excitement of his on his face and that nod again like him decided has to make you take a puff......

Offers you and you nod andthat beauuuuutifully instead does his way of smoking it up......that first visual through that first smoke air stil this clear again as it hits your head hard and mind still soaking it up that feeel after long and then to see him his face amidst the smoke like some dream you are dreaming jnyour waking state to just live that moment charlie with him smiiiiiuiling away thatvone smile of his as he watches you live that feeeel of the first hit.....asks you to take another one with that excitement it strangely but that gorgeously usedbto make him that happy charlie like you could see it in him that one sudden switch of excitement and Khushi as he just lived that feeeel rushing through you.....cause boyyy you were trippin on him already..... 

His presence charlie be it high or unhigh it's just the waaaaay it used to make you just happy......it's like your heart lives that huge moment of sigh contentment just by that mere presence of someone, to you it's always been Him...!

Versovaaa!!!!!

 It's thing bout love charlie like there is one thing you know you love someone and then there is that one moment after sometime or a long gap of loving someone and you suddenly feel that moennt of strong rush of realisation how much you still love them like that one omg I love him kinda moment not for some specific reason or characteristic of theirs but that moemnt of realisation of how much you love just their existence just the whole being of what they are made of....

To you the versova meet was all and more bout that feeling...

Cause it also was the first time you got to spendbthat alone time with him for the longest of hours like being on drives with him for the entire day was also there but he still was driving so there was that missing out on living him fullest kinda vibe...

The versova meet was the only time where you got to spend like 7-8 hours with him with just him not having to be anywhere else or with anybody else around but just him and nothing else but him......

This morning after the waking up from the dream usual routine of getting ready finally back at work after the gap and youbsee the manager walkin and heads over to the kicthen for chai and you fataaak se get your moment of living him and there it was the beloved circle and it was of some Beatles tribute event that he was out at.....

The highlight though was the pinned pictures of him looking super adorably happy in his best director moemnt dream of yours and the other being the trailer of his film.....again the most prominent and closest to your heart moment wasbthe term Versova location tag over em!!

The second any sound visual or anything to do with that one place and the waaaaaaaaaays it brings him along is beyond words and reasons!!

The today...

 Slept early hours of the day today...

And walking to somehwnr4 and there are these doors through the pathway you open one after the other like there are these doors after ever few steps like not in series placed but in random corners and you try to make your way through like trying to reach somewher and this side of the space you see a door and there he was standing like you enter the space and see the other side and he is just standing there hands in the pocket his usual way of standing head tilted a lil and just looks at you and smiles his that signature first smile of his as he looks at you and that one nod that follows right after as he slowly raises his arms up asking you to hold him away just by standing there at a distance and you runnnnnn to him like soon as you see him raising his arms up even as he does runnnn away to him and the sec he holds you in his arms like the s3cond you feeeel his arms around you with that touch over his chest lay your head his arms around and you wake up......

There was that huge sigh of relief for the first time prolly soon as you were up like it felt like you reached him just wtt that feeeeeel of being held by him like evrything inside just felt better.....

Donno what it was or why it felt the way it did ....but it just felt that strongly!!!!!!

Even reliving it now as you write just this feeeeeeeel rushing through that feeeeeel of being held by him - your world I say!!!!!!!

Times!!

Seasons sounds like living someone with something that closely connects to them is prolly the most beautifully ironic way of missing someone.....like evry single time you feel it away it brings along the missing and how!!!!

Like there have been nites with his music that you wish in that very moment he comes on his YouTube and just adds some video away cause you can't see the likes no more cause of the updated privacy settings....just to feel live his presence some way like to just find him in that very moment of misseeeing at that hour to just live that feeel of it!!

As random as it sounds again the waaays a misseeing can make you feel and find that peace even momentary peace is beyond logics...

Also why you sometimes wonder what if youd told him you have moved on maybe then he woukdnt have blocked you back.....specially when you wait for that time to steal away a moemnt off your managers fone to just live him hoping with that red round circle beloved moment!!

What if you'd told him you've moved on maybe then the block wouldn't be there nai......maybe atleast that way you would still have him on the fone to live his orsence with!!

This mind lately circling around the possibilities of could've been if you did something else other way.....what if he gave you another chance it's this misseeeing lately charlie cause now the dreams you see him is that clear like the one from this morning too.....and the more you live him that way this one big deeeeepnmisseeeing it leaves you with......that constant search for a moment search for that one face in the crowd to see him somewhere kahi bhi to just live that presence of his......and anything that seems familiar even a chaddi person walking by similar to his that one lil moment of Khushi that rushes through you is something else ....

Again when you tried your best to not write this misseeeing out but today you just had to...

Cause as normal and random thebmoments were in your head in that moemnt it was your lil moment or moments rather of magic, the Him magic...

Chippy the Magicman...!

The misseeing...

 Missing a face missing a feeling so much that it makes you pause away evrything else just so you could soak away a lil longer without having to care bout anything else but just that feeeeeeling...to just attend to that feeeel that neeed of your mind body and soul.....like give it all you got and feeeel it away to the fullest possible way!!

To just be away from everything else and just be one with that feeeel with that misseeeing rushing through you!!!!!

Ever since the onset of the monsoon the visual sound and sense of the rains brings him along and how!

Like it's not just him but everything to do and be with him the zillion wishes that your heart ever wished to live with him to the sound touch and sense of the monsoon.....is all that comes alive evry single time of this year...

Take a few days off work and just be home and around like some noon at concu just people watching finding evry chance of visual and sound to live him with...

It just is feeeling very different this rush and brush of misseeeing him misseeeing his face hands eyes that stare his nod his smile or just him standing and breathing away the same air as you.....

Ever missed something someone that bad that you go places trying to find something anything that makes you feelll away anything closer to what and how they made you feel like......

Last few days have been pretty much been the same if not less!!!!!!

This rush of misseeeing thatvone face in the world for you...!

VERSOVA!!!!

 Lil did you know nai a simple term just a place name in Bombay where your fav sancha icecream wala was could transform away like this and HOW!!!!!!!

to hear it read it over his pinned pic could make you feeeeeeeeeel away all this the mind zoooooop bolkeee on this beauuutiful trip ooopar se the killar weather ek taraf ayaaaaa tus one season evry single year!!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tummmm kitttaaaaaaa yaaaad aaaaate miyaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

That one place that one face in the world for you!!!!!!

Versooovaaa and this feeeeeeels it's filled your mind with!!!!!

Moments!!

Baarish n thunder this absolute lost state of mind lately ever since the onset of monsoon!!!!

Just one of those things you just can’t help no matter what!!!!

This one goofy comedy movie with still lost over the sounds n occasional thunder views outside and this one moment!!

Also one of those things you just can’t help…!

Chipmunk…

Call it magic…!

days on calendar!!

 THE one day on the calendar that makes you feel the most bitter father's day!

Try your best to stay off the internet for the entire day try n keep your mind off the topic to not recall things like do your best to keep your mind off it, just so you don't see the very trending topic of the day with quotes and shit online......

Who nai hota charlie kuch bhi karlo that one feel evry single time a day brings back again one of those things that you just can't help!

Finding one in him and having to lose him somehow cause of the actual one!

To another moment of realisation on this very day every year almost He'll be the bestest dad in the whole wide world whenever that is, much cooler than the batdad and super adorably protective at the same time!!!!!!

Best dad any kid could have!!!!!!

Cause to you He did somehow turn out the best dad you had!

Safe haven!

golden hour...!

As the curtain moves slow and realise it's the golden hour of the night almost day......

Something's!!!!!!!!!

Nights like those and a him like that one.....

Same hour almost ayyyaaaaaa to live that beauuuuuuuuuty of the adooooorable sleepy him looking his beautiful best with messy hair shortest chadddi possible and his eyes more than half asleep and yet that need to just see you comes all the way!!!!!!!

Happiest you'd ever been!!!!!!!!!

To think of it now almost the same hour to still live him his voice bhi around same time even be it in sleep almost magic...

This love to live Him...

Also why you were that close to firing the manager after discovering bout the few recent transactions and couldn't!!!!!

The only way you get to live him for real and not just dreams...

Like even if that goes cause of the block you won't be able to see at all!!!!

This state of mind soon as you realise and recall that beauty of this time of the hour from back then......

Howleeeeee you were missed and if you only knew how much in this very moment here!!!!!!!!!

something's!!!!!!!

 Right from that moment of waking up the lost state of mind just kept growing even weirder.....

Lately with this new feeelingnof him missing you through the day thinking of you like you can just feeeel the rush that strong!!!!!!

Know it in your gut kinda strong to the series of his dreams telling you more so the very same thing.....

To this one moemnt from this yesterday dream when he asks you not touch him and you stop right there to thise words of his from the chat telling you he has moved on long back like it all takes you back to the reality of it....not having met him for this long for real to him not wanting to keep in touch with you any kind of communication for this long....like the reality bits keep striking through one after the other.....the state of mind just felt weird and lost!!!!!

Take the day off at work and just be with his music hoping it makes it better skip lunch n dinner both and that question from your mom what were you protesting today for like you skipping food is when you are upset over something and wanting to take that stand......and that sound of his words from back then when you skip food and he just knew it without even you telling him bout it and he that adooooorably asks you protest kariii na mere liye didn't have food!!!!!!

It all just felt very different charlie like ekdum seeee mooh ke samne reality ku bithaa diye type laga.....like ab iska kya karu where you are at suddenly kinda vibe it had like you coúkdnt just shrug it off!!!!!

Call for a chocobar again his fav which now is your fav thing most in monsoons like this one love to have cone ya stick Wale icecream with rains is another level of love i say!!!!!

Some moments just stick away to your kind basss chipakich jaaate.....

And you try and do things that can make it better tried a zillion things but didn't work this time!!!!!

Last few days this beauuutiful to the day before when you sit and watch all Subhash Ghai films possible that make you miss him the most and then land up with one weird in your face slap kinda moment that ruins it all away and how!!!!!!

Dreams!!!!!

 The yesterday's dream was something you'd never felt before.....cause part of it seemed that real and the other part of it shook you away a lil cause it had that side ofbthe reality bit too.....

Not sure how it started off as but the bits you remember from the dream are that of him actually walking through your workshop talking to mehraj the zardozi master Anwar the stitching master to lavanya your manager like he knew them all andbwas just casually chatting with em away just those visuals and that Khushi rushing through you cause you alone know how much youve been wishing for moemnts like these visuals like these so just see him live his presence at the studio at the workshop to just live this side of your life with him......

This always you'd felt like to be with him in this side of your life.....ever since the good transition of your life started off he has been missing.....like in your bad days he was with you and made it the best time of your life!!

But when for you the rest of the life got better there was no him ekdum see.....

To just live those visuals to just watch him casually stroll around the studio stand in the balcony looking at the trees your fav spot to just see him in your most fav spot and then turn around and tell you that he loved that corner of the studio and inside you there's that lil happy scream that's my fav corner too whilst watching him say that to you.....

It's these moments charlie that go on for a bit and then suddenly out of nowhere there is just this one visual of you trying to hold and feel his face away and he says pls don't do that and your hand stops right there and that sudden moemnt wakes you up!!!!!!!

Some moemnts again like they can make you feel the best of everything away and atbthe same time they can also make you feel the worst possible!!!!!!

There was that ironic beauty of that moemnt toobwhere there was him that beauuuuuutiful to just bout to touch his face and he says that to you and you wakeup with that same sound of his chat - we can never be ya i don't even remember anything!!!!!!

The whole thing just felt the weirdest thing youve felt lately!!!!!!!

Even writing it now just this feeeeel right now!!!!!!!

wakingup 2!!

 Wakeup to realise down with fever and cold now no wonder!!!!!!!

Ever since him this one thing constant when sick!!!!!!

Something's nai absolute beautiful madness i say!!!!!

This beauuuuuty of some moemnts when you relive and every single time that you'd relived this very sound along with the sound of his voice telling you something whispering away something to the sound of the temple bells ringing in the background and it always takes you back to the same sound you heard for the first time the stadium place with him cause that was his fav place......him asking you if you would want to come with him to hisbfav most place and somewhere close by so wouldn't be that long and takes you there.....

Lil did you know nai those few hours with him with bare minimum communication him standing beside and with you for hours together you were infact connecting away with him for the rest of your life and HOW!!!!!!!

didn't even know back then it was love and yet the wAaaaaaaaaay just his presence beside and with you made you feel all that much away just him all that mattered!!!!!!

To just relive those moments with him that beautifully queit all around just the sound of the temple bells ringing at the back view of the stadium ahead and beside you your most beautiful visual of your life i say...

This feeeeeeeeeéel to relive the same sound same feeeeels from that day to that whisper of his saying something not sure what, could just hear his voice this feeeeeeeel now!!!!!!!

Wakingup!!

 Evry single time you wakeup like this to the same sound of the temple bells ringing like the ones at the stadium temple place with his voice whispering away something to you......and that need to live him his presence open your eyes and back to reality!!!!!

There are dreams like the one yesterday morning and there is a moment like this one just now even be it for a lil single tiny moment that feeeeeeeeeel it fills you up with still half asleep and this state of mind just this feeeeel right now!!!!!!!

Some places some sounds exactly how it was back then to this whisper of his sound......

Some moemnts this strong just the waaaay they can make you feel is something else...

Sound of nostalgia!!

 Sounds like these on nights like these!!

Ek na ek din...!

 Some songs the timing of it that beautifully perfect....

Cause exactly what and how you are feeling lately when you literally feel him missing you for real and not just in the dreams...

Like you actual mein feel and living it away for real from morning to thus time of the day him on your mind, no matter where you go you feel him that strongly in something or the other, donno the right or wrong way of loving someone just go by with what and how you feel it all away!!!!

From being someone that's not completely you for everybody else including your own mom too to being the most you in moemnts of his like these...

Like the most you comes out when living these moemnts of his akele akele on your mind....just that Khushi it fills you up is beyond words...

Like seeing one moment after the other and that tingggg bolke smile on your face even taking off the chappals hearing the most loved date of your life like you just couldn't back your expression cause that's how happy just the sound of it made you feel!!!!!

It's these moemnts charlie that you live when you realise where your happiness truly is!!!!

What makes you heart happy not just smile happy...!

Hope 2!!

 Sooooo yaaaah!!!!!

From that sign to just another two mins away this one man waiting to cross the road in the middle of the jam like struggling to cross the road with nobody letting the man through what the man was wearing again catches your attention his navy and right striped collared tee....ask the driver to let the man through crosses the road and that feeeeeel of his arms evry single time you see that tshirt anywhere cause it was the softest and you remember telling him how it just felt that gooooood holding his arm away over it and him being him calls you mad saying it's cause it's his most worn thing but the waaaay his arms felt just holding him in that specific one felt that much more cosy every single time......with that feeeel with that rush of just holding all of him away evry time you held his just arm in that one...

To a lil ahead and this new row of new plantation of the gulmohars all through the way and that one feeeeeeeeel charlie by that moment your mind was alllll dooooobed down drowned away literally in all things Him and to watch that new row of the ultimate gulmohars wasbthe highlight of the day... 

Back home your mom watching this mamothy film and some scene still taking off your Chappals and some character says it was October 21st...

The magical sound of the locks coming together clicking together...

There it was that beauuuuuuuutifulky insync from the sound of his music to the feeeels to the touch like it had it all and also comes back to where it all started from......some days like how!!!!!!!

Hope...!

 Hope prolly the most beautiful thing ever!!!!!

On the drive raining outside his music playing and you put the windows down pause the music for a bit just to feel the sound of the rains and thus one really old car passes by slowest speed possible as there also was a lil jam ahead and the beata of the track playing just sounded that familiar venkatesh speeds ahead and you ask to go slow instead along with the other car slows down and the waay it just sounded very similar to some track of his and you fataak se look for this mix of lucky Ali tracks and there it was it was ek na ek din from lucky Ali......

If that wasn't it all lil did you know there were few more just ahead....a min or two away and this one traffic cop ka stand ka headboard had hardrock cafe at hi-tech city something over it and just one side ofbthe light was twitching away like the rest of it had some issue but that one light blinking catches your attention mainly first cause that one light was flickering only after do you see the hardrock board over it....

That one place again him wanting to take you there instead when you go with your sister's boyfriend back then when he was in Bangalore that misseeeeing of his over the call.....that sense of his voice tone of speech get off and away over the stairs like all that while there on the call with him a date with him like that one too.....one of the most beautiful moments spent with him being with him in a place that he badly wanted to take you.....that change of his tone suddenly like initially the way his voice feels to that sudden rush of Khushi in his voice as you just be there talking random stuff away with him including the people watching that you did with him in public places just this time it was all over a call....to just live that feeeeling of being there with him in person!!!!!

Some moemnts you relive ayyyaaaaaaa prolly the most beautiful date even with thebdistance!!!!!!!

Something's you recall relive the visual sound vibe if the while conversation and this sudden feeeeeeeeeeel it fills you up with THAT MUCH LOVE!!;!;!!!!!!!!!!

The coming together!!

 The weather today was something else the all night gentle drizzle to the chill through the day that one constant feeeeel string of wishes rushing through you.....all these years charlie this one constant misseeeeing every single time of this year.....how can you possibly get over or get used to something this beautiful...

When your mind on automode connects misses lives that one face Evey single time this time of the year.....it's like co related kinda thing now baarish brings him along every single boond of it i say...

A lil early off today as it starts to rain again a lil close to evening and you leave the studio look up first thing like always that you see his night star bird across the sky and that one feeeeeeel of that night him his face lost looking at the night sky the waaaaay he just looked that beauuutifulbcharlie def was high that night now when you think of it cause he had this high shy smile on that night....looking that beauuuuuutiful under the moonlight....his voice a lil too sleepy but sharing his love for the night sky with you laying beside you on the terrace.....

Sooooo yahhhh from that moment to just taking a long drive home....again in this series the male lead talks bout how he feels better thinks better gets a clear statevof mind when on drives or on the move....again his words from back then!!

Hence this love now of yours when missing him too much drive wise instead of heading back home straight you instead ask the driver to take a longer route around inorvit mall flyover and then back home.....it just feels a lil better the absence of his getting a lil filled up with the visuals of the mall the first place he takes you just as friends the first time he holds your hand like literally places your hand over his arm....sounding toootalky like shubodh from the movie but again some moments some visuals this beauuutifully clear...

It's like you are drawn to his places when lost in him it's your way of finding him and yourself back again...

Signs of Him...!

 On some days there are just these big bold capslock signs of him all around you like feeeeling him away that much like the inside of you having this lil scream away he for sure did miss you today like only tobwrite it out now again sounds lunatic but that's exactly what some days like today felt like.....

Like there is that usual findings of him through the day but on days like today for instance it's just that tad bit more than the usual and how!!!!!

Firstly starts off with this dream of his that you wake up from and the first sound after his voice that you hear is the soundbof the rains.....

The highlight from all the other moment from the dream was him telling you in that same tone of his voice love you re pagli.....again something's you write and this feeeeeel again...

Just the word switch where backnthen itvwas karely this morning it was pagli again the way it felt like he was correcting you letting you know that he did...

From that to the sound of the rains wakeup first thing to sniff and feeeel the baarish away......and that one big sigh that always ALWAYS comes along as you feel it away over your face eyes shut to live that moment with him apart from the others with the visual and sound of the rains.....

It's this one feeeeeel charlie that always comes when feeling the rains away.....

To the day lilst of things with his music at work yesterday trying something on his navy trial room and a different moment than the usual reflection of his and this another track rush3s through you cause that was exactly what and how the moemnt felt like.....

Something's arebjust beyond you especially when you literally almost see things like that like questioning your own sanity cause you felt him that strongly in that moment even writing it now reliving it how c9uld you possibly live a moment that strong!!!!!!!

Sound of magic...

 This one witty lawyer series that you recently started to watch some amazing courtroom wit stuff with calculations and all......but this one scene today that talks bout the magical sound of the safe locks clicking together just before the safe opens up....

Like the main lead talks bout this one person behind the robbery and they did for the almost magic like sound that the safe locks make just before they open up like they are all connecting clicking together like the thrill was in the sound and not so much for what's inside the safe...it's that feeling to discover to know that it's clicking connecting the dots coming together kinda stuff...

Which you did love from some other movie that you did watch again bout a bunch of thugs planning to break open a safe but one of them just loved the sound the safe makes just before opening up and he could sense that just by feeling it as he enters the code one after the other...

This thing bout feeling away these moments and how fucking happy they make you in that very moment where it literalky makes you ignore the fact that it was just a random moemnt random sign random person walking past by random song playing out of nowhere.....one after the other too many random things clubbed together connected together come together to bring that one him along and how.....

The reality the fact is the opening up of the safe here and the sound of locks clicking together working it's magic as they come together are these moments through the day lilst of ones where the reality doesn't really matter in that moemnt caus3 you are that lost at just listening to these locks come together feeeeling living away the moments just as they make you feel to the fullest...!

Baarish wali mornings…!

 Sleeping to the sound of his music, living moments of his presence to waking up to the sound of rains…

When you’ve had the most serenely peaceful rushy dream of his and then to visually live the beauty of the baarish with him still on your mind from the dream……

Full 9 hours of sleep after almost a decade!!!!!!

Mind, just happy……..

This one season every single year the state of your heart mind body and soul every single year I say!!

Wishes and dreams….!

Almost monsoon…!

 This love for this weather the sky with him high state of mind!!!!!!

Like the only thing you wanna do is lay under the sky with his music playing and live awaaay this feeeeling!!!!!

Mind this beautifully lost even at work…

Days like these sky like these ayyaaaaaaa and that one him one of a kind!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeee if only you knew the waaaaaays you are missed!!!!!!!!

Boondein...!

 Fiiiiiinally that time of the year again!!!!!

First baarish of the monsoon.....

Ayyyaaaaaaaa moments like these every boond the waaaay it comes with that many armaaaan i say that one face in the world that one smileeeee in the world for you!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeee how only you are being missed i say abhiii k abhiiii!!!!!!!

Party in head!!!!!

 Through the shaam with some reason you just hold on to her fone and keep checking for that beloved circle hoping to see him today cause that's how bad the missinfnwas today!!!!!!

This one track from the movie apart from the brilliant guitar work the lyrics was otherwise but in your head there was an alternate version of it playing cause that was exactly how you felt today.....

This realisation how lilst of things to do with him change you away ekdummm see.....like nothing no one brings out this version of you the waaaay things to do with him does...

Like pehle it was his orsence then it's moments his music and the dreams that bring this you out.....

For everybody else there is this other you and when it comes to him there is this completely different you.....andbthe waaay it grows or comes alive with anything to do with him.....

Like them talking how simple you were being a designer yourself plus the other comments and stuff but in your head there was this other track playing.....like not having anybody was what the conversation bout but in your head another track on play.....

It's the waaaay he comes charlie like the search and finding him to living that wait that rush of his for you like all that while he was right ther3 when you were looking for him in places......

It's different donno how else to express it out but it's all just so real even writing out such things this feeel as you see your mind literally but it's something you just can't help it!!!!!!

Him his feeeel the waaaay he just comes every single time that real.....like as he asks you with that smile on him like he knew all that while you were lookijgnfor him that heightsss of love in his tone of voice like utaaaaaaa pyaar se he asks you rushes over like you c9uld sense that missing in him in the way he moved just like backnthen meeting after his bombay trip or banglore that first rush of wanting to hold you away chummii you away that first rush of missing that you usedbto sense in his touch in that one look ofnhis same exact ditto one this morning too.......

Something's asbyou relive now!!!!!!!!

Just the mood!!!!

 The dream his orsence evrything bout it just the moooood it left you with....

Leave the aircon on minimum most temp snuglle away on the couch accidentally find this amazing Jim carrey movie sonic!!!!

Right from the start that very first thought again he def must have seen it and if not would've loved it....like through the movie certain visuals soundyrack and that constant feeeel he would've def loved it....there was something bout Youdays charlie be it the beret sky today the morning presence of his or the afternoon to yourself with just you home on yoúrbown movie him on mind like that high on him and his music playing alongside it all.....

Just the moooood today!!!!!

To much later when manager comes over as you had to meet this other stylist friend of hers for some work meet closet designing bit.....and a game later that you cancel away cause the mind i tell you charlie wasbjust that beauuuutifully high on him!!!!!

When she decides to keep the work meet at her place as she had to show some examples of the project too....once there starts with beer and they come up with being gin day today andbyou just stare away at the glass knowing you mustn't!!!!

Like in your mind you knew cause you already were that high on him lilst of that could do a beautiful damage specially when around people.....

Just pretend to drink a sip or two and it was quite a strong one or maybe cause you skipped lunch but that one feeeeel charlieeeee ayyAaaaaaa like through the conversations that one glimpse of him his daaaaadi from that upclose and mere mooohpar se smileee i tell you like the visuals wouldn't stop and so didn't that andar wali constant Khushi.....

Get some work done n middle of it somebody says something and the waaaay the mind immediately connects it away with some similar conversation with him but on another level and that ekdum se one giggle out cause your mind literally felt it out loud.....

Multiple faces directing away at you wondering what the joke was in your mind.....that same usual nod from the manager and you just get off saying isliye it always ends with just one beer and Aaj tho even with your fav white bira still there you pick budweiser ayaaaaa that hand ofbhis!!!!!!

Mind am telling you naaa charlie either you can still be sober high wit just daaru or get toooootallu soaked away high with a mix of THAT much him and daaaru!!!!!

Cause am telling that's waaaaaaaay stronger and hits you much harder than any gin n tonic!!!!!!!

Deadllllyylyyyyy gorgeous mix of the most beauuuuuutiful high of your life!!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaa even as you write and relive that very moment of that look in his eyes with that one smileeéeeee on him this very moment this sudde3n rush of khushii in waaaays more than one i tell you!!!!!!!

akele akele!!

 Every single time when you've woken up from feeeling him away that much whooo akele akele andar wali smile that Khushi rushing through you like if you take it for real there's nothing no reason but how and what you felt in those moments even if not the kinda dream like the today's even if be it to just be beside him watch him smile awaaay touch away your hair and you just go close and wake up or just that slightest whisper of his voice like last nite just the amount of Khushi it fills you up with is beyond any words or expression.......

Like it's just you thatknows how and what it felt like and the after it follows with you through the day.....like that andaaar se he you are bas just that happy ayaaa touched him ayaaaa he held you ayaaaaaaaaaaa he chummmi3d you away and HOW ayyaaaaaaaaaaaa that moment this moment like the mind keeps playing on loop and so does the rush of Khushi inside.....like whilst brushing his music playing like that one vibe of Sunday's youday and you love listening to his mar9on 5 and Coldplay kinds ......

With the music playing one look at yourself in the mirro4 and it's all him you seee like even in tha refkecthon theway he was looking at you in the middl3 of the moment is all you see and ayaaaaa the waaaaays it was making you that happy away!!!!!!

It was lately one of the best Youdays Sunday's you lived!!¡!!

Cause in your mind the moooood you were in just beyond happopoy!!!!!

Something's na charlie nai bol sakte kyu why you just couldn't take it to be a dream even after the waking up cause to live him and who bhiii to feeeel him away that way the things it does to your mind is something that only happens with him.....

Like him his orsence back then or in his abs3nce the dreams of his any visual of his the waaaaaaaay theybopen up this one lil khidki or door inside you that remains shut otherwise......

Like you don't feel a thing otherwise but anything to do 2ith him even the slightest as simple as his steering ka visual and the thingssssssssss it does to your mind is something else!!!!!!!!!

Youdays!!

 This very similar dream again into the woods aimlessly wandering with that constant music playing of his in the Ears like even through the walk you could still hear his music and as you walk around with that constant search for him there are these flashes of his face that could see yaha waha for less than a second wnd it disappears in a flash like evry other content you see a flash of him wnd it disappears.....

Like the walk n dream goes on quite long like that search for that long with just thise foqsh3s of him yaha waha....

And this one corner you find to rest close to the lake or something it was again surround3d by wild flowers multiple colors like no other stem of flower looked all in one single color.....

As you just lay there that one hand ekdum se under your head and that slow whisper of his kidhar ghoom ke aari and before you even turn and make sense of the moment that rush in his breath in his movement as he ekdum se comes close and moment!!!!!

The way he holds you with one hand and the other still holding your head there was that wait that rush in the way he was moving holding you like all that while that you were looking for him searching for him in those xobrers all that white he was right there waiting for you to come.....

Like as long as the walk was mirebrhan that the after moments were like you felt him lived him from that close ki there was no space or time to live him visually all youbcoule see feeel were his eyes that smileeeeeeeeeee that daaaaaaaadi your heart on his face like there was that beauuuuutiful rush charlie much much more than what and how you feeel for him just the waaaaay he moved held you away......to the feeeel of the moments!!!!

It was almost noon that you wakeup and that very same feeeeeel again as you turn and even before opening yourbeyes your hands trying to find him next to you...

And when you don't that urgency to upennand see where he was and that's when you realise anitherbyouday dream it was......

Some moemnts that real like youbsee him live him all of that that real like even asbyou write now it's sooooooio hard to take it all just as a dream!!!!!

He wssvthat real and that closeeee!!!!!!

Days like these!!

 From mornings almost noon dreams of his to moments through the day and when you zone out right amidst people and just keeep smiling away to nothing at all wvery single time somebody literally makes you drink more than just a beer socially you just lnowwwww dimaaaag mein innneeeeee pooooora ka poooora feeeel hokeghusss janaaa hai basss!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaa like don’t even finish the drink and just running running come back home causeeeee when he strikes this beauuuuutofully this urge need to write n feeeeeeeel him away in words mind just happppy!!!!!

Donno whyyy donnooo howwww but just when you feeel him like this dream him away like this it’s just that andaaar wali Khushi kootkoot ke bhar jaati charlie!!!!!

Saving this feeel away!!!!!!

Grows in me!!

 Moments like these!!!!!!

Absolutely normal conversation normal joke but inside your mind there comes another twist to it cause some conversation with him lead to the aduktaerated version of the same joke and with this one track playing on loop with pods on there is this lil self party happening inside your mind n ears!!!!!

Cause babyyyy you just felt him awaaaay and howwwwww!!!!!!

When just that one person brings out that side of you and your mind…….

The term evil in the track but it’s other side of it that you most connect with and hence the love for the track the way you smile at me brings that outta me….as it grows in me!!

It only happened with his presence what it does to you and your mind!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeee this very moment here howwww only you were missed!!!!!!!!

If only he had the slightest idea I saaaay!!!!!!!!

Movies n life!!

 Again his words movies are nothing but lilst instances of multiple people's lives penned together...

Lil did you know watching wake up Sid was going to change away your life forever in every s3nse of the word...

Instances form the movie be it backnthen to realise andbfeeel his love for you to years after bits like the song that you most loved kyu dikhaye tu sapne sote jaagte, Jo barse sapne boond boond...

To the monsoon moment that one most felt most missed feeeeel charlie to live him with rains.....see him live his details feel him hold him zillion other things to the sound andbfeeel of the rains....every year this wish pops out and how!!!!!

The day just went by triping over him him from the dream him from the real back then him from the boomerang moment himnfeok the chuckle moment basically anything to everything him to the sound of his music.....

The blue sunshine of your life cause his face to live his orsence his details literally brightens up your day n life and how!!!!

Like you can feeeel the change rush through you suddenly come alive to the maxest way possible I say if that's even a word!!!!!

And this no greater better example than the one just experienced deep sleep and that slightest brush of his daaadi against your cheek with his smell of orsence and that whisper of his voice shakes you up.....something's you can never understand how or why just to feeeeeel him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa when you live moments like these in the dream and wakeup the waaaay yourbheart suddenly longs to live it for real...

Again losing señse of the dream state from the waking state...!

The himnin you!!!!

 Merku naiii maloom how why or what the reason is right from the very start that one feeeeeeel of him whoo andar seee heee the waaaaays you feel for him his orsence his absence sound of his voice sound of his music gentlest touch slightest of whisper anything to do with him the waaaay it leaves you with is just beyond you!!!!!

No matter how many times you live a feeel like this one can never make any sense...

That story of a video again your most loved and waited thing for in his stories moving image....

Tue visual of monsoon yeaaars it's been charlie and that one wish evry single year thus time around!!!!!

To just live his almost hand Beatles trippy track almost ur statevof mind flight mode literally cause it was already that high on him from the dream to the sight of his vento with rains.....

THAT many memories with the highlight being another v3rsion of yourself in that car ofnhis too!!!!

To be precise it's only him that could calm away the tornado in you and also set the tornado in you on fir3 as well!!!!

The only calm and that beauuuuuutiful storm of your life...

To just realise it's almost monsoon the way it all goes back to the zillion moments n wishes your head lived dreamed away with every monsoon...

Leave her fone back but the mind all the more that beautifully lost in all him!!!!

Head out andbthe sky today ayyaaaa that gorgeousness of the beret sky today!!!!!!

Bluest of blues with the silky marshmallow clouds stacked up across the sky...

Some mon3nts especially having felt away that much of him they just feeel more deep.....

How lilst of moments n wishes tied up away with that hope of someday...

There was tooooo much of him today too right from the very start!!

mornings!!!!!

Moments like these making you realise again this love to write him out eyes barely can open but that one strong sense of his voice his whisper calling you karely like you sniff first to check his presence again just to recheck if it wasn't just your mind playing his voice on loop....

That smellllll of his orsence like always and you turn a lil more closer to where you smell him the most and that one beauuuuutiful whisper of his voice calling you karely first and then that one smileeeee of his as he calls you howlii.....

Ayyyaaaaaa that slightest touch of his daaaadi as he gently just brushes away his face against yours and that one shakeeee you wake up with...

Again his voice that clear that touch and smell of him that clear!!!!!

Should've known it's the Youday magic afterall...

Right from the very start today waking hoto that dream of his after 2 days prolly and how!!!!!

It's when you missed him that THAT bad and to live him away that way!!!!!

The mind on mornings like these is just that beautifully lost like you are in that flight mode head in the air barely can sense anything else but him cause that's HOW much of him you just lived felt and loved away in the dream ..

Like the mind the you still there in that very world and you just wakeup with most of you still there in that very moment with him...

Routine stuff and the sound of manager never sounded sweeter as she comes over to collect the fabric swatches so she could leave for the sourcing.....

Sit over the couch watching every move of hers waiting for that one golden moment where she leaves her fone and that finally happens when she sits down at the dining for breakfast chatting away with the cook akdbyour mom.....

Take the fone and that one run to your mom and evry single time you live a tensed up moemnt like this one for her fonebthat one self talk mode why only to block life wouldve been much easier for you if it wasn't for the block i say.....

That most beloved circle rounding away hit it and it wa s from last nite monsoon showers in Bombay and he shares it with that slightest glimpse of his hand firstly the sound of Beatles and the visual of his vento with his style of putting away the sahdes over the dashboard.....

Toooo many things one single frame toooooooo many feeeeeeels one single frame!!!!!!!

Nitesounds!!

 Every single time you feeeeel him away like this in your sleep that sound of his voice the waaaaaay he calls you out the feeeeeeeeeeeeel his voice fills you up with when you galti se fall asleep on the couch its2lf....

This is not the first time that yovve felt him this way it's this beauuuuutiful thing to realise this mostly happens when you had to write out a moemnt or something from the day and just cause of the overworked head and the gin with his music makesbyou fall asleep...

His music your perfect lullaby!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeee you gorgeous lil big adoooooorablesy thing how only you were miss2d abhiiii k abhiiiii!!!!!

Geeeeeliest chummmmii lag jaaaana tumkuuu abiii k abiiiii!!!;;!

Some wishes a sleepy head can wish away all of this to just that wshiper and sound of his voice that close to you......

The blue sunshine…!

 The skyyyy today with these clouds!!!!!!

Sound of music words windows clouds rain drops sunlight from the trees lilst of things like these and THIS rush of him ayyaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeee you gorgeous lil big thing how only you are being missed today!!!!!!!!

Mind this beautifully lost even at work like you can barely even think straight…

Sunshine…!

 The blue sunshine of your life!!!!!

The beret sky today THIS gorgeous!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa mornings like these kittttteeeeeeeee armaaaaaaaan hai kaiseeeeeee anjaaaaan hai!!!!!!!

Every single time a sky like this and THIS rush of him that sound of his voice!!!!!!

That time of the year again and that one long wait of years every single time of the year around…

The today!!

 Back at work mind still that lost like there is this beautiful stillness that's there like aimelessly walk around where you cant really hear the people talk around can't really see visibly clear with work or people around.....get the pictures done somehow with tracks listed specifically for the outfit like you set it as per the mood of him for the day it's that feeeel of part of him part of what you are feeeling that day in music with the outfits...

Like avoid adding "the" tracks of his cause that's yours alone that special and securely locked up away in your head and here on playlists!!

It's just the waaaàaay these visuals of him had this something shifted in you moved you away with no dream lately just day before prolly it's this feeeeling of lostness clouds today the Beret sky today to that random smiley before the clove dental ka board also brings him along is when you knowwwwwwww how much you are missing him away!!!!!

His habit backnthen to have a smiley before his fav contacts being yours and his sisters number with a smiley and the dental board too made you smile cause it did bring him along.....

To this one beautiful moemnt today with this one track playing on loop the waaaay his star birds across the guy flying in this motion as you take a u turn the way they are there on the other side of the fly over too.....writing it now feels that average of a moemnt but trust me charlie when the mind is this high n lost in him that beauuuuuuty of his music and a moment like that can do to your mind is just beyond you...

The beauty and power of a visual and what it can do to your mind in that zone is just beyooooond!!!!!!!

Like this feeeeeel now as you write him and recall that one face!!!;!!!!!!!!!!

Lostness!!

 It was that feeeeeel charlie that difference in moments lived and it's been that long since having relived again for real and then to witness that similar visual after years the waaaaaays it all comes back to you in your head.....

It's like refreshing yaaa ekdum see jaaan fookdena kinda feel to your memory...

Like from that moment on to not being able to finish the fabric work that youbwrre out for and coming back to the studio and the mind was just not in the right frame of mind and instead head back home.....

Even after the break come back to work there was that sense of beautiful lostness like you get down the car his music was still on the pod and just walk away from the studio gate like you were that lost losing señse of place people purpose around just that lost......

It wasn't just bout the feeels charlie it was that visual of him from that very moment his face his smile his stare from that very moment......rushing through you even as you write and recall now!!

Like it did almost become that habit of his even post gym the way he would pull out that hairtie off your hair even as you tell him how sweàty your hair was post workout but to him all of that least mattered for him it was just that feeel of him doing that away and how!!!!!

Memories n moemnts!!

 There is this beauty of reliivng a memory visually!!!!!

That day that moment in the jam did it for you!!!!!!

To relive that similar scene similar feeel after years left THAT much him away and how!!!!!!

Mind on loop with visuals of those on drive moments kept rushing through you...

This strange feel last few days see when you don't feel him that much through your day...like after that moment relive ijnthe car you take a day or two off from work and just be home in your room practically living him away to just be with your mind n his music.....

It was a different kinda rush n feeel charlie...

Cause you literally relived that feel that very moment after years like ekdum seee aankh ke saamne aa gaya like that close even whilst watching that moment in the car beside you were reliving yours in your mind......

Like you could seee him that clear from that very moment!!!!!

It happens often when some memory of his has this kinda strong impact on your mind that need to just be away from it all for a bit.....just that need to be on your own to feel it away live it away in your mind without having to think bout anything else without having to be any place else it's just you that rush of him and his music.....

Like after that back to work and you realise you weren't feeeling him away that much through the day like it just felt that strange....cause lately it was more like you could literally sense him missing you as weird crazy as it sounds you could just sense that through the day and lately didn't feel it last 3-4 days se.....it just felt weird!!

Him!!!!!

 On drives your hair mostly in a ponytail and those initial days the way he would often ask you why do you always have it tied up and stuff and thus one time actually stops the car just one hand pulls the hairtie out of the ponytail and starts the car back on drive......

It was that rush of the moment charlie like not a word said nothing at all the way he just stops in the middle of some other conversation stops the car pulls out the hairtie and that one look at you that one smile on him and back on the drive.....

It was that initial closeness like much before the hugs and chummies it was these lil things that rush of that moemnt the waaaaay he just looks at you in the moment lives your detail for a bit with that smile on him it was that beauuuuuuuutyvof such moemnts charlie for you first time somebody doing that that close to you like to ask to stop and talk nothing just that one rushhhhhh like he just could and that feeeeeeeeeel it left you with.....prolly one of those first times too when you felt that rush for him like suddenly everything inside you beating atvthe fastest pace possible just the way he pulls it out hair unfolding away on its own just that one stare n smile of his as the moment unfolds!!!!!!

To those moemnts post opera your usual way of checking for the colors ofbhis love on you and the waaaaay he would alwaaaays slow down move the car a lil to the side path a lil off the road and just look at you check yourself that one smile of his in those moemnts still this clear even in this moment now as you relive and write out.....

There was that Khushi in you along with the worry the color being that dark the mark of his love being that many n dark over you and there was him smiling chuckling away sometimes asbyou count em away n keep telling him as you count idhar bhi diya idhar bhi ek aur.....

It just makes me feel that you are all mine marked away by me.....it was only much after that he actually tells you this when after every meet you see him smile that way and ask him why he stared at you that way smiled away as you check his marks on you.....

Evrything you ask him have a doubt bout siliest of things or anything at all that you ask him a week or a month back the waaaaay he would always remember it without fail.....

This thing bout you asking the reason for him staring at you smiling that way at you as you check in the vanity mirror was almost every other day.....only after you get used to that stare of his like you literally used to check less and waiiiiiit to live that stare of his post opera on way back home....

Onky this one time at opera in between a moment he stops suddenly moves a lil away and then tells you the reason for his stare his smile in the most beauuuuuuuutiful way possible!!!!!

SOME moments you relive and write and this THIS feeeeeeeeeling right now!!!!!!!!!

Sound of music...!

 Approx a week or so back out for work and this one beauty of a track you find that had stars it's that ring of some words charlie that bring him along!!

In a bad traffic but that beauty of the track the vibe the feeeels of him that it was filling you up with slow hazy statevof mind eyes almost shut and this one car slows by beside and the girl checks herself out in the vanity mirror holding up her hair with one hand and then turns side ways asking the guy something as she turns her face to left right and then looks back again in the mirror turns to your side of the window and that one smile on her face.....

It was that instant rush of him that rushes through you cause you just knowwww that feeeeling.....that one smile on your face to that one lil tear drops by!!!!

It was that beauuuuty of that moment charlie where actually she was asking the guy if she should leave it up or down the hair and then the reply mustvhave been to leave it as it is.....

There were multiple moments with him that rush through you but it's just that beauuuuty of some sounds like they only add that depth to a certain moment like you feeeel it away all the more like the flow of memories flow of him only rushes away all the more like it only gets all the more deep intense beautiful itsvthat mix of too many feeels and memories that rush through you...

Like that one lil moment of somebody else's that your mind tripped over made all those beauuutiful moments with him rush through you!!!!!

It was his thing charlie like even whilst driving that one eye of his always on you.....be it you sleeping over his lap looking out of the windows lost in trees changing music you maybe doing anything at all but him and his love to live the details away!!!!!!

Something's you write!!!!!!!!!!!!!