Moments!!!

 Some moments like these!!!!!

Watching some random movie and suddenly the scene has a background score that strongly similar to the eternal sunshine one!!!!!

To the vibe of the scene that similar too!!!!!

Lilst of moments and the things they can make you realise away patting his back the other day with that waiiiiit to see him to the next 2 days that wait in you to see him making you re realise for real THAT many years actually passed by for real having seen him!!!!!

Even when he holds you from the back and is almost sleep with in between moments beech beech mein that wait in you still there to turn and live him feeeel his details away but that also feel to let him have his moemnt of missing you…….again one of those things you just knewwww the way he holds onto you that he missed that much!!!!!

To this sudden moemnt of eternal sunshine sound and thusfeeeeel of him now!!!!!!!

How that one face just that one face in the world becomes all this away all at once…

Swing n sway…!

When you just can’t get over how gooooooooooooooooooood it felt just be wrapped all around by him when you just don’t feel like getting up and stay that way for hours even after the waking up…like the swing n away between the dream wake up and realise can’t feel him around you with no scent n touc of him and you stay that way waiting for to go back to sleep……

And in between the wait get some work calls done editing done with that wait and his music playing to go back to sleep and a lil sleep in between and yet no sign of him and finally wake up sometime back……

It’s been too much work back to back to too much waiting for the back to turn since that dream…

Mind this lost now having seen him for days which even writing out feels weird to hear yourself out knowing it’s bout living his beauuuutiful facial details in the dream…

Neend churaiii!!!!!

 Running on 2 hours of sleep and tooooo much himness!!!!!

Mornings like these when you just can’t stop smiling awaaaaay!!!!!!

This himhighddddd and your mind keeps going back to the back of His this is when you re realise how anything him has this impact on you even with no sleep n no dream aaj…..

And one song soon as you come out of the room plays on tv as mom was watching something how perfectly in sync can some tracks be…

HIM!!!!!

 From there to when on drives to just watching him look his beauuuuuuutiryk best in those frames like you looooioiived those on him it used to make his face features look more edgy like that extra bit of beauuuuuty to him and you looooooved losing that sense of anything else around but to just live that moment living him away…..

It’s this clear the highway roads as backdrop to watching him drive in those shades and look his sexy best in them like it’s been over a decade now and yet writing it now it’s this clear……that moemnt too as the car slows down in the jam and see the guy passing by it was all those visuals rush at once and you’ve been looking for that specific style of frame for longest now did buy a almsot same one but it wasn’t all black like his used to be back then….

And today from that moment to asking the driver to take a turn and right beside was gvk and you go there spend sometime at Starbucks Witt the worst macchiato ever to this sunglasses place and the first line of glasses there it was deep black frame almost same as his back then but Armani it was……

The second you try them on the store guy gets another more feminine Gucci frame and instead recommends that and you don’t even try those and one look in the mirror like always see him instead for you that specific style of rayban frame in deep black is Him and his style of wearing them over eyes and sometimes over his head and ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa he looks sexy on one instance wearing them over his eyes and there was an instant shift when it used to go over his head…..ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that adooooooooooooorable!!!!!!

Like even talking talking stopping somewhere and he would move his glasses off his eyes to his head and you used to actually get all happy seeing him look that adoooooooorable and he would just get back in car asking you first thing how happy did something make you mins back…….like he could sense that just by some expression change in you that fataaak se!!!!!!

Like a movie slide, one frame after the other the more you lived him it automatically used to make you love him more…with every single frame a lil more than before…!

HIM!!!!!

 Out for his first iPhone like post workout he actually asks you to come along like not asking if you could just telling you to come along with him…

It was to go to a few places for his first iPhone and he was too excited about it……

To this Airtel place beside pizza hut which back then was Airtel linked with iPhone and to the other one being this one mall at some Banjara or Jubilee it was like they just had these multiple electronic stores within the mall and he had to park his car far off and he wear his deep black rayban and walks as you cover your face with one hand as it was peak afternoon cause you used to get done with the workout by 12 and post that it was his phone outing and as you walk that way he fataaak se takes his glasses off and asks you to wear them and this was days away from realising this guy was sooooon going tobe the love of your life like days away from realising this ultimate fact of your life…

And you tell him you weren’t used to wearing glasses and walking and he insists on you to wear it and soon as you try he nods saying the frames don’t suit you but insist you have it on as it was too sunny and the second uu look down on the road you were seeing doubles and keep tripping a step and you tell him you couldn’t see a thing and try to take it off and he holds your hand and you stay that way……there was no telling him again you couldn’t see and walk or anything at all after that moemnt for quite sometime…

Even as you be at the store and him asking something you were that lost in him like he just held your hand away that beautifully all throug those few steps as the road was uneven back then…..once done at the store he doesn’t buy it Fromm there though stepping outside the store he looks at yih smileeees away that smile saying now you’ll yourself want to wear it nai…….and you fataaaak se just nod a yes and he gives it again a step or two away and he holds your hand again only this time tighter than before…….and whilst walking looking down that beauuuuutifully side se looks at you smiiiiiling that one smile of his away……

There was this one specific smile of his charlie in moments like these and even as you write now this strong fataaaaak se visual of his that very same smile and as you write reliving thag smile this smile on you this one something’s rushing through you!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one only one I swear!!!!!!!

One of His kind one a kind!!!!!!!!!

THE wait!!!!!

 All of the night through n through that one wait in you for him to turn knowing he was wearing the very same shirt that you were that mad crazy bout him in like you could sense by the feeel of it as you move your hand across his back feeling the texture know it was same black one softest and that waiiiiiiit in you for him to turn and you keep patting him at the back hoping waiting for him to turn and slowly move him if it wakes him up that waiiiiiit in you to live him!!!!!!

It was only by the morning writing that moemnt out do you realise you should’ve just jumped across and lived that beauuuuuuuty of him away zyadaaa se zyadaa you would’ve been off the bed on the floor waking up or maybe could’ve lived that sexy away!!!!!!

To these moments through the day fittings prepping planning for the special shoot tomo as it’s Mirari…

Mirror work collection as an ode to this looooooove for the mirrors and the him reflection moments shared with him through the years right from the very first time mirror has held a very special place in your love for him or his love for you……like the big part of your story just music has been!!

Through the planning at work this one mind still wondering why didn’t you just jump across and seen him away held him away chummi eat him away and almost forgetting it was a dream…

To when you had to last minute head out to buy a few things and this one bike guy passes by wearing the exact same rayban deep black glasses as he used to back then…..now he is as far as you’ve seen wears the Lennon frames back then it was the rayban and this one deep black one…

This too has a special few moments tagged with it so today the impulse him rush purchase of the day was fiiiiiiiiinally the same almsot the same deep black rayban style armani sunnies……

This one feeeeeeel you come back with with that very first comment from your mom from your clothes with shirts to the crew neck men’s tees you wear at home to the chappals to the glasses now everything bout you is turning masculine!!!!!!!

And that tooooo makes the insides of you smiiiile away knowing to you alone what it meant!!!!

The His style rayban frames!!!!!!

How many times!!!!

 How many more times and how many more years can you possibly fall drown soak and rise in love with the very one face that you ever loved over and over again!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT one face that one him that ONE hoooooman for you in the world!!!!!!!!!

Daaaays like these mornings like these and now this part of the night like THIS!!!!!!

All of missings!!!!!!

 Even with all of world missings can’t even comeeeeeee close to the missing that’s rushing through you!!!!!! 

When you wait wait and wait through the night for him to turn just so you could live his face from that close like you keep patting over his back for him to turn and yet he doesn’t and of all the shirts he was wearing YET again the same black one and that neeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to live him that very moment in that shirt auyyaaaaaaaaaaa cause the waaaaaaaaaaays he looks that damn bad sexilyyyyy afooooooooorable in that every single time!!!!!!!!

And this missing again you wake up this late with cause you still couldn’t live him all through the night wanting to see him that upclose in it ayyyaaaaaaa this mind now feeling all ajeeb away having missed out in seeing him when he was THAAAAAAAAAT close!!!!!

Now as you write should’ve just jumped on the other side only no either you could’ve successfully seen him lived him his details ayyyaaaaaaa or landed on the floor waking up!!!!!!!

This mind RIGHT now!!!!   

Hazy and lost!!!!   

Awakened!!!!

 Slightest touch of him even in sleep now moments like these and this sudden feeeeeeeeeeel it fills you up with …..when you could just feel his breath over your neck and then the touch and you very slow turn towards and that scent of him confirming away his presence and HOW!!!!!!!

From a morning waking up to him like that one that sort of made you complete day that beauuuuuutifully difficult and helpless!!!!!

Where you had to control the best of you away and not smile not blush not keep smiling more importantly cause that’s how lost and on flight mode or him mode your mind and all of you was in…

Slightest of him anything him and this you it suddenly transforms you away is just beyond logics !!!!!!!!

This THIS rush today!!!!!!!!!!!

Like it keeps going back to his details from that zoomed in mode his every lil beautifully magic like detail of his face and neck from this morning!!!!!!!

Mind today mind now the more you write and this rush you can feel it grow!!!!!!!

Him hiiiiiighd!!!!!

 Amidst discussion design final changes and this you that can’t stop smiling away and then controlling and then smiling some more again!!!!!

Some dreams some moments and that beauuuuuuty of him that you can’t take your mind off from playing on loop over n over again!!!!!

Singh miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tummm aisaaaaaa waisaaaaaa kaisaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaa yaaaar aaare ji!!!!!!

Waking up!!!!!

 Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mornings like these!!!!!!

When he comes like this!!!!!!!!

That THAT kind of rush that you could that strongly feeel through him the way he holds you chummis you moments like through n through that rush of Him like he missed you that much and was letting you know that clearly with and in his actions n words!!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeel every single time when you can’t obviously write out a dream like this one details of the dream like this one and to just keep to yourself and not hear or ready yourself out or save it up is possibly the worst thing bout writing Him out…

Cause that’s how much you missed him yesterday post that weird dream and the waaaay he literally came running running to make up for it and show you tel you that he missed you more!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeeeeeel ever since the waking up to first look for him cause again you all around n over you it was all the scent of Him much after the waking up too……to ths one stare of mind now where you are smiling away look at yourself in the mirror cheeks going all pink this one smileeeee on the inside this one glow like always of him that’s this evident all across you!!!!!!!

Something’s you cannot just cannot write out define our in words the magic of some moments the flow of some moments him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasaa your poooooora ka poooooooota heart kidney and al of you and HOW!!!!!!!

It’s the way apart from everything else the waaaaaay he just holds you moves around you whilst almost holding you and all throug the moemnt looking you in the eye without a blink of an eye and that feeeeeeel it gives every single time be it this dream this morning or back then exact same rush and feeeeeels!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee how only like HOW ONLYYYYYYYYYYY you are being missed you gorgeousssltyyyyyyy sexy lil big afoooooooorable thing abhiiiii k abhiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Aaaaj thoooo koi na koiiiii ka birthday nikal ana uske this string need and miss to seee him aaaaj!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaa Singh miyaaaaaaa if you only had the slightest idea!!!!!!!!!

It’s been this one happpppppy pumped up workout where all through it you just can’t stop smiling and looking at yourself in the mirror even this very moment this one mile just reliving him from the morning!!!!!!! N 

How can one possibly have every spark of magic in al their details every lil detail of them that beauuuutifully laced all over them and with just one touch one stare one taste one smell it blows you away and HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A day like this one a mooooooood like this one already with just days of planning for shoot how only you are going to think straight or think work for that matter!!!!!!

Beautiful irony!!!!!

 This wait now as yo write out to fall asleep and this need to string need to hold him away live those very moments with him!!!!!!

Like you actually change the music to this slow beat one intentionally making yourself fall asleep with this strong rush to see him hold him hide away in him smell him chummi eat him away pooora ka poooora !!!!!!!

Like make up for that lost weird void feel that you’d felt still wondering it’s never been anybody else but Him and yet to dream a dream a weird one like this one!!!!!!

The beauty of it, was to know what you always knew all this while , it’s always been Him…!

Always!!!!!!!!!!!

To just knoww!!!!

 Years back he had asked you in some chat about somebody else touching you chumming you after him and you nod away saying a no and he rechecks again asking not even holding your hand or holding you and with that no nod again that one smiiiiile of his ekdum see…..

To this moemnt now as you write out that moemnt nothings changed even now…

It’s weird writing it out and realising something’s out of your mind and into words now that long it has been…

No wonder this shake when some model or some known client or manager sometimes or even your mom sometimes suddenly hold you hug you or touch you without you knowing or expecting them to!!!!!!

THAT long it’s been now saying it out feels even weirder!!!!!!

The very first time on the treadmill and he suddenly comes over holds your hand sharing something he was excited about to that first time when placing his headphone over your ears places your hand over it for some reason and then placed his hand over yours and stays that way……….

That sense of Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To just realise now suddenly that very touch that very hug of his that very sense of him holding you that kiss of his and uts stayed that way and that’s how long it’s been!!!!!!!!

Something’s nai suddenly ting bolke hits you nai!!!!!!!!!

See!!!!

 It was that feeeeel you wake up with initially when it gets all the more weird for having visually lived those moments seeing yourself that way with somebody else secondly like that inside talk wanting to say it to everybody who kabhi bhi came up with that suggestion of asking you to move on and saying see this is what I was trying to tell you see this is what happens could’ve happened eventually!!!!!!

It’s not even like you move away from it but that core thing of not feeling anything at all like you don’t even have that sense of touch kinda vibe like that beautifully numb and recalling Him through it all and smiling away in that weird situation too how him just standing at a distance looking at you standing at the door used to make you feel and idhar whoever the guy was holding your arm and you couldn’t feel q thing holding you and you couldn’t feel a thing!!!!!!

Like it was making you feel that weird discomfort all through the day at work post work just recalling that with somebody around and that close to you to that sense of calm knowing realising for once when it was just a dream to just reliving that feeeewwwwwel of him feeeel of his touch and his presence and that change in vibes suddenly inside you just feeling happy about it for no reason to just realise it all….

It was beautiful weirdly beautiful…!

Like you can’t even define out the exact feeeeel it made you feel today…

Sound of magic…

 This one track on loop and the waaaaaaay it falls and syncs this beautifully with the state of mind you are in…

Doing things together to enjoying and living that silence together in each others presence and yet exchanging too much rush away even in silence……

Today at Hnm browsing through some jackets and not finding any and just bout to step out and this one track playing just moments back this was the same track playing at MNS too and the very same track again even there when it plays there was that something bout it that sudden shift it wasn’t even one of his tracks and yet you could strongly feel it and then again when it plays at Hnm you had to Shazam it and it was by Marga sol nooo wonderrrrrrr!!!!!!!

This one artist and that one track of golden sunset brings along that one beauuuuuuuuuuty of the moemnt at his Dd space when he was looking for some movie to play over his laptop and you making the most of your own golden sunshine moemnt of just living him away living his every single detail away and him smiling not completely but that almost smile of his and those lil nods knowing you were lost in him and HOW!!!!!!

My heart eyes all of me to any of me the waaaaaaaays it’s lived him loved every bit of him to feeeeeeeling all that away and the waaaaay it’s been this way ever since the very start don’t even know what to call this moments like these today!!!!!!

Where you stand there after Shazamming it and realise the beauty and magic of that moemnt the song wasn’t even a great one but something bout it made you feel that sense of him magic that strongly to on your way back finding the perfect jacket you were looking for at His jack n jones that you loooooved but had to drop with the price!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeeeel charlie of something’s the waaaay they can make you feeeeel is beyond anything else!!!!!!!

Like it just knows what’s on the inside and then to live it visually for yourself to re understand what beautifully ironic like watching some movie story and then saying ye tho merku maloom tha pehle se like just knowing it mere case mein this was ulta like you knew ut before and then to visually live it was weirder!!!!!

Skin, touch…!

 Touch is all it takes, like always…!

This dream you are standing in the balcony somewhere on the call with your back resting towards the grill of the balcony like it was some work call and with one arm over the grill and this touch over your arm and you look to your side and there was somebody else like you could sense it over the touch itself the way it slightly shakes you up some face blurred away and that very moment that rush of Him…

It looked like it was somebody with you talking to you and touches your arm saying something and through those moments your mind reliving his touch and the waaaaaaaaaay it felt over your skin for the very first time itself like your heart your skin too knew it much before you, it had to be Him…

And this guy talking something joking about something somebody over the call saying something your mind your ears go al numb over it and all you could feel think relive in that moment was his touch over your arm the way he would first touch and then slide his fingers slow n smooth over your arm still looking you in the eye with that one smiiiiiiile of his cause he had noticed the freshly waxed arm like he used to call it back then……..which also you don’t anymore it’s razor all the way cause again one of those things he loved and didn’t make sense anymore…

Like there were these series of moments this one moment when you walking out or something and the guy comes over holding you ekdum se guys face close to your neck and you were all numb through it like you couldn’t feel a thing nothing at all there was no movement outside or inside you……like it was that empty moemnt vibe and could only see Him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay his presence his stare him just standing used to make you feel ever since the start and you move away with the guy still talking….like visually couldn’t see the face no clue what so ever couldn’t hear the sound or words talking it was all just that visual realisation of something you always knew…like there were these series of moments and all through them even just walking looking to your side and seeing somebody else didn’t make you feel anything nothing at all!!!!!!

It didn’t make and yet made all the sense away!!!!!!

This was exactly what you knew all along everytime somebody mentions bout you getting into a relationship or marrying somebody THIS is something you always knew…

It’s like you your mind your heart your skin the core of your soul lilst ro biggest of things that you are made of knows where it belongs it always knew…that very first sense of touch when you weee looking away on the work call and the guy touches your arm and that feeewwewwwl on the inside like your mind in that very moment goes it’s not Him…cause you couldn’t feel a thing!!!!!

It prolly was the weirdest of dreams you’d ever had and yet had that core of your reality depict through all those series of moments where it only made that feeeeeel of belonging to Him that much stronger…

The way he had that beautifully said it back then, it’s like I own you…

Insisting on you getting married and you get irritated over it and tell him I will and after some chat over Skype says that one door where he knows he could just come back to will be closed if you do…it’s like I own you!!

Some chats of his i SWEAR even recalling it now!!!!!!!!!

Dreams!!!!

 Din nikal Gaya and yet some dreams and the feeeeeeel of it stays like this at this hour till this hour too……

Like you just can’t get over it cause that’s exactly what you knew would’ve happened had you taken that step in your life even after knowing it all!!!!!!

The beautiful irony of some dreams like these!!!!!!

Watching modern family working on some design side pe with his music playing slow and the waaaaaaay his touch rushes throug you this very moment seconds back amidst all…

Weirdest!!!!

 Weirdest dream ever in the longest of times!!!!!!

This weird feeling now since the waking up!!!!!

But on the whole to just visually live what’s inside you the waaaaaaaays he means to you in your life and what could have been was - BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!

Like this one ironic smile glued onto your face now…

Beauty of the Alternate Reality…!

Moments n nights!!!!

 Moments like these!!!!

Just wiping your glasses and you break the chashme ki nak and there he again comes along!!!!!

This Dd meet and him in kitchen to bring something and you notice his reading glasses that dirty and clean and wiping it and he comes and just watches you clean it and tells you in that very moment as you get a lil scared thinking he might get upset over it and just bout to keep it back and he tells you Karle u used to clean my iPod too nai back then……with him looking away finding something in the room smiling awaaay that one smile reliving that memory and you in complete shock to just see he did remember that very lilst detail too from back then……

To the next second he suddenly comes close and lays closer to your face just looking you in the eye and you feel his face his details and notice these deep marks over his nose and feel it with your hand saying chashme ki nak ka mark dekh and him smiling over it as you place the chashma over him……

His sister used to tell you how he would let her do things to him as kids playing way and this you did experience many times with him be it iiritayjnf him setting his hair which he hated like you remember first time trying to oil massage his head he gets irritated and then it did become his most loved thing late at your place like he would literally ask you to bring along oil ka bottle on the terrace to this moment as you slowly carefully place the chashma over him to check how clean it was and he says smiiiiling away ab sab clear dikra ekdum se…….

Playing with the hair over his hand or his leg when he used to hold you from back sitting on the ground in his room and legs around you and you loved moving your hands over his leg hair with him talking something and then smiiiiling chuckling away saying you love doing this with my hair nai and bringing it even closer……

Some nights and this sudden twist and change of mind it landed you in ayyaaaaaaaaaaa heart mind all of you wasnt prepared to miss him this detailllllllllfullllly ayyyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chipppyyyyy you were misssssssssed and howwwwwwwwwwwwwww if you only knewwwww!!!!!!

Where to whereweeee only the mind is going nowwwwww feeeeewwling this much love awaaaay for his leg keee baaaaal bhi!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 How do some sounds just like that being evrythung back like this!!!!! N

The track playing drive moments late nights with him empty streets back then with the music playing him takinfn every other route possible slowest driving possible and that rush of him as he used to smile in a certain way like you could seeee it in him as he keeps looking you in the eye even with you talking something else him just looking you in the eye and smiling that one smile of his and you keep asking beech mein you just are not listening to this nai and he nods away that adooooooooorably with his head not in the conversation and it was all you for him!!!!  

To just before dropping you staying that way over his car top with his head over it and watching you and you do the same and that very same instance as you tell him opera leke jata and that one instant zoooor kaaa nod of his fataaaak se ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s that mixed feeeeeeeling sudden se charlie like from feeeeeeewwwling aisaaaa waisaaaaa for him seconds back to that very second he used to react with that nod fataaak se to adoooooore him away as a kid!!!!!!

Him his ways of just being Him was all LOVE to you like the only love or way of love you’ve Ever know in life for life…!

HIM!!!!!!!

 Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart right now feeeeeeeling all this away with this one song magic of all moments!!!!!!

This one scene and it gives you this new feeels for the first time through the movie as you’d never seen something like that even in movies till then and then to live that for the first time with him and for him to know that bout you in that very moment !!!!!!!

Like theojrb the scene he just slowly holds your hand comes close to the ear saying it’s ok it’s me you are with me and a moemnt like in that very moment to feeeeel that for him for the first time to live him that way for the first time to live that moment live that feeel and for him to know exactly what you were feeling rushing on the inside without you telling him or even looking at him like he just did sense that and soon as back in car he kept looking you at you with that one smiiiiile on him for you it meant that much closer to him and away from your fear…….

It was that feeeel that mind visualisation of picturing loving him living him with that feweeewl in your mind with him right there and him that beauuuuuuuuuty of him knowing it that veauuuuutifully well and actually telling you over the call how he could sense it…….

Tooooo many moments versions of him you were grateful for in life for having found him having found your love in him with that many people to live and love in Him!!!!!!!

Everytime there was that feel charlie soon very soon that much closer every single time maybe next time maybe next time and closer and even absence there was that feel used to be that feel maybe his work still soon…….

When did it even take this long take all these years away you didn’t even knoww!!!!!!!!

MAGIC!!!!!!!

 From a playlist of chill slow beats instrumentals and not Bollywood it just like that decides to add that magic of Him with the same movie song that you’d seen with him of kareenas cause again back then you were obsessed with Kareena!!!!!!

Now listening to it this vibe of some songs from that very time the waaaaaaaaays it brings him along like this THIS!!!!!!!

Like even as you write now this smileeeeee reliving him through the movie post movie playing this very song in his car soon as you sit in post movie on your way home……

Like he would rarely play Bollywood in his car back then but when he does you sure knew he was missing you that much in your presence like that was his way of letting you know……

This feeeeeel knowing it’s just days away from your most LOVED month of your life - October…!

To live a MAGIC like this one right now specially in this state of mind you already were in ayyyaaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaa yaaaaaad areeeee ji tummmm kittuuuuuu miyaaaaa!!!!!!!

To love…

 What you think of love read love watch love see live around are taught love changes everything like everything changes literally till you experience a love like this…

It changes evrythung away and in a way that it can’t go back to what and how you thought it was like…

A love like that One…!

It somehow makes you be so soo in love with life itself regardless of the absence…..like you literally feel everything around and in you so deeply and love every bit of any experience something as lil as watching the moon up with that perfect C formation on your way back home from movie last night with this one track playing on loop that was bringing every possible version of his along!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!

Like the facts the absence everything in between do cause that haze and confusion sense of lostness self doubt and evrythung but on the whole it’s this sense of Love that’s much stronger than everything else like this very moment as you just be legs up watching the night sky with on n off drizzle reliving him his words conversations his every expression face movement that made your heart skip a beat made you live him more want him more made you the happiest person on the planet and this feeeeeeel of this overflow of love it fills your heart with…..

Moments when literally evrythung else for the moment goes blur and all that stays is the him from that moemnt from that conversation from this morning even and this one feeeeeeel of only it was for real……if only it was like the more you dream the stronger you dream a dream for real it soon becomes your ultimate reality!!!!!!

Beautiful messy mind…!

 Mornings when he comes like this and the waaaaaays it stays with you all day long and now this beauty of the hour when your mind you all of you is not just in sync with the movie watching and pulls you off n away to the balcony…

This calm and mess of the nights it’s beautiful how it holds this much calm and yet there’s that sense of a beautiful mess somewhere within it that it brings along…..

Just like the state of your mind right now how do you feeeeeeel him like this live him like this in dreams and moments and yet it’s nothing like it by his actions in real…

Like you just can’t get over how urgent it was for him to just block the sight of that account too like that string need of his for you to not see him anyway…….

Like you can only feel it to that intense level when you feel that sense of harm that person could possibly cause that you have this dire need to keep them away like your mind keeps going back to that one realisation…

It’s when you think makes you think that low of yourself like imagine what you must be to him now!!!!!!!!!

From loving you the most loved you’d ever felt in life like known felt lived love cause of Him to him feeling this for you now!!!!!!!!

This mind!!!!!

 Longest movies night in a longtime back to back mind this fuzzy hazy now with sleep but heart feeeeling this much away!!!!

Isiliye you do your best to stay away from Bollywood movies lately especially the mush ones and the way with most of the instances it brings him along…

Like it all started with his Inox place today watching javan there and coming back with this THIS much him like always!!!!

And now this the way those conversations with him over calls post bup to those Skype chats with gaps of time…like living him loving him with different phases of life and growing with it!!!!!

And suddenly you realise that’s how LONG it’s been!!!!!!!

THAT LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Movies!!!!

 Some movies and this feeeel they leave you with !!!!!

A sudden realisation of having known lived and loved someone for almost a lifetime that it feels like now……and regardless of the circumstances all these years with this one strong gut feeeel running rushing through you all this while!!!!!

How why or what still donno but the waaaay it has only grown with you over time now…becoming a part of you, the strongest and most loved core part of you…

And YET!!!!!!!!!

Hiiiickiii!!!!

 This sudden bout of hiiichkiiii

That’s just not ready to settle down with water or anything else for that matter is when you know and can feeeeeel in your breath with every hichkiiii that you are missed!!!!!

Daruu mandarinnn foaoreb after this long and this bout of hickiiiii that just doesn’t reused to settle even with water and just goes in with every breath since 25 mins now you are missed for real!!!!!!

Cureeeeeeeey sexyyyyyy miyaaaaaa singhhhh miyaaaaaaa how only you are missed kissed chummmiiiiieedddd sluuuurped and how abiiii ke abiiiiii!!!!!

After!!!!

 Some moments just stay with you and HOW!!!!!

That one scent of him to just realising and still wondering like the way the mind keeps going back to that one moment…..is it really possible to hate someone this much after having loved THAAAAAAAAT MUCH!!!!!

Like the very sight of you and he was in that urgent need to block you right away even be it the worknaccount like he just had to the very sight of it?!!!!!!

It can really make you think over n over again what that bad of a harm you could’ve possibly caused for it to be this level the slightest sight of you irritating him to this extent!!!!!!!

Lucky!!!!

 How lucky absolufuckingly lucky is that nose that gets to smell the scent of him or that shoulder that gets to live that very feeeeeeeeel of him moving his face trying to find that perfect comfort spot for him to settle over in…….

How very VERY lucky!!!!!!!!!!!

Scent of Him!!!!

 Eyes you could barely open to write now but this beauuuuuuuuty of some moments like these!!!!!

Finally getting that sleep after 3-4 days now and just like always his music playing as it keeps raining on n off gets too cold and then normal and then chilly again and you keep switching sides finding that warm corner side and this scent of him that draws pulls you closer till you nose dive your face into the couch……and then suddenly that feeeeeel of his face over your shoulder!!!!!

And that shakes you up cause you were looking to find him on the other side just your side kver the shoulder finding his comfort spot over your shoulder…

It was that beauuuuuuty of that moment charlie both of us looking for that very same thing you looking for that comfort spot in him and him in you…

From the many moments of magic all these days there was this one moment too that you donno what to make of!!

Opening the Kairi page with discussions of layout and how the logo would look and this few mins break on hand and you try to look for him wit that finallly not having to wait for her phone and now you could from this account atleast and after days just days of opening this new account he blocked you there too!!!!!

Moments like these just seconds back and then you find a moment of reality like that one you donno which way to go for…….!

How something’s that feeeeeeeeel this THIS real can also be that bitter on the other side of reality!!

Toooooo much Himness!!!!!

 Of all the magics in the world there’s this beauuuuuuty of finding Him in when you need him the most MOSTEST!!!!!

Too much to write for now when you find that the team that made your account back again was lead by someone by Chetan !!!!!!!!

It was all that beauuutifully magical moments again when it makes you really realise that real magic exists for REAL!!!!!!!

When you didn’t wanna cry and write out angry and write out upset and write out missing him presence real wise write out and later read yourself in that state and you struggled to stay away from writing!!!!  

It’s beautiful charlie when you realise magic is for real you just find how to live that magic and believe in magic and it actually all works out just like that, vanilla smoooooth!!!!!

Though last few days have nowhere been close to vanilla with 3 nights in a row no sleep almost!!!!!

There’s always a beautiful Sunshine after every stormy night I say……!

The sound of his name every single time makes all of your heart jump and HOW!!!!!!

After a long loooong night and all you could hear in the video call meets with the marketing female was the sound of his name instructing them for the account…

Chetan this Chetan that ayyaaaaaaaaaa yeeeeee Chetaaaaannnnnnnn I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like it had to be him of all the names in the world!!!!!!

Running on 2 hours sleep but heart this happy as it felt like loosing another thing in life you were dedicated to all these years and starting from the scratch again……

It’s just happppy vibes with the sound of his name ringing through you like all those hours her saying that one name over n over again all throug those 4-5 hours and this Khushi every single time like it was Him with you all through n through !!!!!!

This mind right now sleeepy but this beautifully His name sound hiiigh!!! 

Clouds!!

Him cloud love - This beautiful calm of Him in moments like these amidst chaos…!

Anybody who has any Him in anyway the luckiest in the world, to breathe live love touch feel Him…

It’s in times like these when your heart longs for that one calm one rush one place you can find your home in after a day like this or in times like these…

Never before!!!!!

 Again one of those experiences that leave you realising how strong you really are and this never give up attitude that keeps kicking back in and how!!!!!

Sometimes it’s only when you are hit like this do you really understand and know your real strength…been never stressed like this before 5-6 years of hard work brand building team building over worked hours gaining trust and good will in the industry to testing times like these…….

It’s never been this difficult work wise to deal and still keep your sanity in tact and keep telling yourself over n over again you can do this this too shall pass!!!!!

From handling clients to managing the Pret wear planning chaos might sound the most understated word!

Why did this happen still no clue but this silver lining of hope that makes you smile amidst evrythung else…

When the lil details are falling into place with Kairi at work now…

The sound of some names and everytime you had to mention throug the meeting today Kairi and the way the sound of his voice echoed that beauuuuuuuutifully saying I love you too karely cause the way you spell it sounds almsot the exact same!!

Beauty of some moments tiniest moment of him be it the waking up this morning and you actually self talk even after waking up like you were talking to him saying I really wish you were here today even now cause he was there just seconds back in the dream and been wanting needing just anything him around all the more now lately…….He is this beautiful calm and magic corner of your life forever!!

This lil beautiful silver lining of hope amidst chaos, THE sound of Him in and as Kairi…!

First time!!!!!

 Days like this when you need someone for real right now beside you telling you it’s all going to be fine!!!!!

When the business page gets hacked and you are unable to access or view the account or find it even!!!!!

And tried everything and still don’t know what to do or who to ask and this need to just this out of you with this ajeeebezt feeling ever !!!!!!!!!!!

Why can’t just life be a lil simpler and easier for you to deal with sometimes!!!!!!!

THIS!!!!

 It’s thissssssss way that he comes and holds you like he was in a rush to hold like he was waiiiiting to hold you and then holds you like this like you can feeeel sense hear it in his breath this THIS when he comes like this and wakes you up ekdum se and you realise you’d skipped dinner bhi and had galti se slept again watching something……..

When that moment him holding you felt THAT real like you could smell him sense him touch him hear him feeeeeeeeel that rush of his in his hug and now even writing it out you can still feeeel that feeeel of his arms over your arm like it was that strong that tight of a hug!!!!!!

Kiiituuuuuuuuuu yaaaaaaaaaa yeee tuneeeeee kyaaaaaa kiyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaa if only you could scream the loudest how much are missing him in this very moment and it reaches him to know he was missed by you!!!!!!!!

Him tuned!!!!!

 When you can’t think straight explain straight discuss straight work straight cause you are this beauuuuutifully all him tuned and HOW!!!!!!

Like can’t help but smileeee away beech beech just cause he rushed through you again with glimpses of him from this morning !!!!!!!

Again all it took was that one face and now everytime you wish how you wish every friend had a birthday on each day of the week just soooooooo you could get to see anything him in anyway!!!!!!!!

Kittuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaa you gorgeous magical hooooooman I say!!!!!!!!!

If you only lnewwwww how only you are missed awaaaay…!

Miyaaaaaa!!!!!

 Are these moments for real is the awakening code for really real or just a bunch of beauuuuuuuutiful himmagic being slammed over your face in waaaaaaays more than one like this!!!!!!

Moments and the waaaaaaaaaay he holds onto you still driving yesssss he comes driving this morning prolly after yearssssss where moments at place looked like opera not opera but the rushhhhhhhhhh wild wild rushhhh of him back and that’s when through the moments you realise you had wished for that very moment and it actually comes true in the dream as twistedly ironic it sounds you actually were thinking of the very same logic in that rush of him……to the waaaaay he was holding onto your hand wrist this time not the arm like he used to and this one constant sound at the back it wasn’t the horn and suddenly it hits you like you could feeeeeeel it in you were about to wake up like it weirdly felt that strongly like you were bout to wake up any second and you hold onto his shirt fataaak se like one panel of his shirt holding him and the waaay he first chuckles awaaaay that adooooorably and leaves the steering wheel looking you in the eye holds your face literally takes your face in his hands and that slow whisper of his voice am so sorry and repeats again and you hold onto his shirt tighter and to wish or something he doesn’t disappear shut your eyes and it was the alarm usually it’s at 10:20 wake up time must have snoozed or donno what it was you wake up see the phone it was 11:11!!!!!!

This very feeeeeeeeel right now when all you can seee is his him looking you in the eye holding you his eyes charlieeeeeeeeee that overloved yet sleeeerpy eyes with that THAT much love for you kabhiiii lavtaaaaaa ayaaaaaaaaaaa inneeeeee ittttaaaa pyaaar karta and HOWWWWWW!!!!!!!

How do you even take moments like these to be just random or just a dream when they are this insync him coming wxaaaactky how you kissed him as when missed him becomes autocorrect to kissed him and you let that be cause howwwwww you looooooooved the sound and feeeel of that!!!!  

Again for the godfatherzilluonth time that THAT one face in the world for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa this heart of you this rush of him through you how do you even have a normal face on with THIS much rushing through you!!!!!!!

HIMMMMMYUMMMMM!!!!!!

  As you just lay that way with the sound of the song and the traffic along as it was too much jam and that sudden thought crosses your mind 7-8 billion people in the world of population and of all the people for having found him and his love for you how absultelefuckingly you did get lucky in life……

Be it the dreams be it these moments random most moments that bring him along and make you feel his love out of nowhere even in the lilst moemnt of her asking two gums instead of one at studio and the waaaaay it just makes you smile and you pause right there with the gum bottle still hand without even giving it to her cause there he was asking you for two gums always instead of one…..he used to love this strawberry flavoured back then and would always ask you to give another one like you loooooved the way he used to ask for another one again logic of his own and you would give one and wait for him have that same adooooooooorabke kid expression all over his face seeing that one gum on his palms and then ask for another and much after realises you do that jaanboojke and smiiiiiiile away saying you just love something bout this moemnt no……

It was him charlie it’s always been him right from that very start to today this very moment now it’s always been him for you…

Anything to everything him and this impact it has on you is beyond anything else you’ve ever felt or lived or felt and more importantly loved in life….

Singh miyaaaaaaaaaaaa you were missed the mostest aaaj thooooo if you only lnewwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

HIMMMMMM!!!!

 This heart right now feeeeling that curl again inside with these sudden feeeeeels now!!!!!!

Right there when you see live that bubble moment that need to hold him away just to feeeeeel that warmth of his arms around n over you and with your mom in the front you just lay over the seat looking up at the rains with this song on loop and then close yours eyes and that very moment not sure cause by then it was tooooooo much wayyyy toooo much missing him that one arm of his around you holding you by the waist jsut like he used to on drives holding onto your waist and arms tightly and then even more tighter over speedbteals it’s that feeeeeeeeel of his arms holding you the changing friction to just feeeeeeel that and you just smileee eyes close and the waaaaay he would ask aisaaa kyaaa Sochi ekdum se tuuu akele akele smile karri and you asking him wondering how did he manage to see your face even that focused whilst driving and today too soon as you feel his arm over you in that very moment and smile away it just made you hqppppppy on the inside to just feeeeeeel him somehow in that very moment!!!!!

Every bit and inch of you this beauuuuuuuuuutifully laced with all things him and this feeeeeel today how much you’ve grown in love with him, with variations of loving him like this from loving him then to years decade later still this strong…

PLACES!!!!!

 Those places charlieeeee and ayyyaaaaaa this feeeeeeel they over filled you with the same place the same streets with just the change in the flyover over rest it’s all that beauuutifully same the bakery no more but it’s that feeeeelthatvplace still holds even after all these years for you to still feeeeel him through those very places like you couldn’t go farther cause of the sudden heavy rains and take a turn back home with that weird feeelinf for not having gone ahead and at the signal playing this very song and that very moment even amidst the rains these bubbles around you had your face down playing the song over phone and this one side eye bubble you see lift and look around and these two guys one guy on each side of the car blowing those soap bubbles that he has bought for you back then in fulllltoooo filmy style have these bubbles all around just around your car on both sides and that one feeeeeeeel like you were looking around with that biggest wiiidest smile possible cause in that very moment again you felt him the strongest the waaay it gave out that vibe of his love srill for you kinda beauuuuuty!!!!

Even writing it now qyyyaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeee you gorgeouuuuuuus lilbig adoooooooorable sexy thing how only you were missed abiiiiii ke avgiiiiiiii!!!!!!!

Him himmmm HIMMMMMM!!!!!!

 There’s thing bout being there every single time like you still see him there it’s almost magic!!!!

Aaj bhi your wanting to see the Raheja area and you on way back ask the driver to take the left towards kinghirm bakery and rains even heavier ekdum seee as it slows like suddenly that one pull of your arm to the other side and there he was this one thing to rest your head arm over his shoulder as he drives and soon as close to his realianxe gaming place back then you try to move away from him as his friends used to always be there and the waaaaay he would hold your arm and pull you closer to him saying slow where you think you going…..and this one time his mango was standing right out asking him to stop and even then him holding onto your arm as you keep trying to move your arm off his arm and the way he doesn’t let go of your arm and finally says something to mango and back on drive that one time this sclera as you write now when he takes the longer way home….today in that very moment to feeeeel his arm over yours pulling you closer to the other side that felt that strongly was beyond logics……

Those streets of living him finding new things bout him every single day finding new ways of his love for you with every single day those very streets finding him finding his love and that level of love comes back to you and today making you love him all the more all over again……this feeeeeee charlie the waaaay he has become the core part of you and your existence now with time…

Even with the distance and absence you still felt aThat Much love there and that one feeeeeek how truly truly lucky you actually got in life for having found a Him like HIM!!!!!!

Him Streets!!!!

 Guess it was half way throug the day with this one song playing on loop and discussing something bout the staff or something it was bout and she says how now and there it was right there that one soliiiiiiiiiiiid intense rush of him screaming inside of you in his tone of voice how now karely everytime he would miss you a lil too much just before falling asleep he would say this over n over again like am missing you this much how now karely and eventually come down to see you……

There in that very moment that rush to get away from it all and closest to him head to the balcony both ear pugs in and that squirrel again there and you finally leave the studio just bout to head for a drive and your mom calls asking if you could pick her up for some work…….on the way and you ask the driver to take Nacharam seedha and your mom wondering if it was to the bone setter she used to go there but like you bas had to didn’t care how it would sound like abruptly to just go there but today you had had toooooo !!!!!!

Almost there and it starts to drizzle on n off and then suddenly heavy pour to his music lucky ali and that feeeeeeewwwl charlie when there places corners laced with all him and in a zillion ways this heart this mind realising why you still feel the way you do his love more now!!!!!!

MAGIC!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!

 With the Pret line finally named as Kairi again something closest to yours from Karely came Kairi cause the discussion has been on since over a week with a quirky name that has some quirk naughty chirpy fun element to it and out of the many this one name suddenly pops into your head with the sound of his voice calling you out karely…..

It’s this Khushi sometimes to just do things like these that has always a hint of him some way or the other…..today this morning rushing to work with fever still and this one song you just find accidentally and the waaaaaaay all you could relive on loooo was that beauuuuuuty of him in that picture that smileeeee that look in his eyes sleepy or high that one smirk with smiiiiile of his just that complete vibe of him auyyaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaay this song resonated with evrythung him from that picture!!!!!

And you suddenly felt all the first time feeeels for him ever since this song since morning…it’s that beauuuuutiful high your mind experiences used to experience with discovering him discovering things new thing every single day you not wanting to keep your eyes off him to that first time him holding you feeling your hands your face your details sometimes wit his hand or sometimes just by the way he used to look at you and the waaaaaaaaaaays it used to make you feel on the inside everytime he did that……

That need to see him that wait to seee him hear him touch him hold him chummi him like all those first time feeeeels that felt like magic was rushing through you all over again since morning…

And this has happened many times charlie to feeeel all this for him and realise how much you are in love with him like it’s all over again kinda vibe for the first time AGAIN!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 Was sick the worst possible way and with no rest due to the Pret wear work stuff couldn’t even take a day off to rest!!!!

And that definitely took a toll but more importantly above all this and everything else there’s that beauuuuuty him!!!!

Literally through sickness and health kinda vibe lately with him in the dreams like he just knows it in the dream bhi the waaaaay he comes is lesser with rush and more with comfort and you wake up missing the wildness in him self talking saying no keep coming the way you do instead of just comfort cause honestly when it’s been forever having felt the things that used to make you feel complete with him and ab dream mein bhi if he takes a break how do you even deal with all feels it’s beautifully weird……the body aches with high fever and the wayaaaaaaa he holds you from your back to your shoulder to over your neck and there’s this rushhhhhhh in you wanting to eat him away and instead he just keeps holding uou tighter everytime whispering something moving slow around and over you like he is just there without doing anything and yet doing evrythung away kinda vibe….

That thaaaaaaaat one beauuuuuty of him the feeeeel of him his voice his skin his hands the scent of him the sound of himmmmm ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa as he comforts you away with those very sounds like literally putting you to sleep holding you away as you want to turn to face him to chummiii him eat away and in stead he holds into your waist like comforting again as you keep trying to move and him making those sounds not wanting you to move it’s beeeeeeen magical charloe all these days these dreams of him and you wake up self talking to him in your head saying it loud I love you I love so so much like sometimes it’s louder that you come out and that one look from your mom leaves you wondering if she heard that clear enough…..

It’s a beauuuuuuutoful charloe and something’s you just can’t reason our logic out of it cause it’s just and all bout the feeeeeeeels how it made you feel in that moment or the moemnt soon as you were up with that feeeeel of him still rushing through you!!!!!

HIM over daaru!!!!!

 Why pick daaaaru when you have a hiiiiiiigh like him!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa I swear charlie that one face in the world for you even writing now this very moment this one smiiiiile on you as you recall relive that beauuuuuuuty of him!!!!!!!!!!!

There’s nothing nobody can possibly make you feeeeeel the way anything him does and this you can never get over or used to!!!!!!

How can you possibly and how many times can you posssible fall in love with that one face over n over again and like THIS!!!!!!

This heart this face of you this heart of you this andar bahar pooooora you that you are experiencing been experiencing ever since that one face ayyyaaaaaaa kittttuuuuuu miyyyaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed I say!!!!!!

A day like this defiiiiinitely saving it away highhhhfy to bantaaaa bossss!!!!! Tired skeeeepy but this level of happpppy himhiiiigh is just beyoooond everything else!!!!!

ONE FACE!!!!!!

 All it took was that ONE face in the world for you!!!!!!!

Cantttttt wait for evening now to write this rush out when some somgssasss just like that make you feel this way with that one face one smile on loooooop!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaa charlie am telling you meraaaaa pooooooora ka poooooora heart and everything in between right there on his face I say!!!!!!!

Singh miyaaaaaaaaa tummmmm itttttiiiiiii zooooor shoooooooor se yaaaaad aaaaare jiiiii!!!!!!

Abiiiii ke abiiiiiii!!!!!!!

Mujhe yeeeee kyaaaaa  hooo gayaaaaa haiiiii jaaadooooo hai yaaaa pyaaaaar pata naaaa chaleeeee!!!!!!!!!

Mornings!!!!!

 When you wake up like with him holding you that tight that you can again still smell him around this feeeeeel right now !!!!!!!!!!!

Everytime every single time all these years when sick and the waaaaaaaays he comes!!!!!!!

Be it last night too that moment when you fall asleep with tv still on as the fever got worse and to feeeeeel him that way suddenly like in that moment the fever the cold that beautifully disappears and all you could feeeeel touch and smell was that love of his…….

Like it wakes you up ekdum se looking to your side of the couch still wondering where did he go……couldn’t write tabhi and just had to save that moemnt feeeeeeel of him away and you take a screenshot of the phone to save the time away……

To see it this morning and that feeeel everytime you see it on your phone having seen lived loooooved him in the very same place and HOW!!!!!!

His on the blue canvas script right there the lights the space of his SOMETHJNGS!!!!!!!!!!

Almost the awakening code timing it looked like, awakening and howww…

Himmmmmyummmm!!!!

 Finallllly watching the dungeons and still wondering if it was the reverse pyschology of his to beat the cold to have icrecream instead or was it the overpumped workout when this sick that lead to this!!!!!

Higher temperature worsen cold and still for having to work and now when resting leg up in the air watching this with this temperature and of all the things that one face plays on ooop and this mind this you suddenly right noww!!!!!!

How do you even deal with this sudden deliciousness and get your mind to focus back on the movie and not his face lips his that one smileeeeeee his forehead his cheeks chin anddddddddddd all of him away !!!!!!!!!

Like you can barely keep your eyes open movie looks nice but the waaaaaaay the mind keeps going back to who what  it loooooooooves the most ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Even theory the day today with rains his music and this mind even with sickest feeling all yumssss away and HOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Thai sudeen beautiful shift and jump n away of the mind i swear…….

Self induced ecstatic maxmadness!!!!!

 This is the most beauuuutiful form of actually second most beautiful form of self induced ecstatic madness I say!!!!!!!

This feeeeeeeeeeeeljnf to feeeeel him away with moves and music is beyoooooonf logics and magics!!!!!!!

To wake up with that THAT much him like you that badddsddly wanted to feel him more like it left you with not wanting to get off the bed hoping he would still be there keep shutting your eyes and then finally up with that feeeeeel of the missing core piece in you and the next alternative was to workout still low with cold but like you just had tooo!!!!! Soon as you get ready see your face and this glow like a bulb literally charlie without any skincare and your face it had this sameeee glow like from back then post meeting him like you still can’t get over how glowy your face is looking and then how do you even consider it just a dream of him coming…..

That one face I swear charlie it’s always been the most loved sight of your life!!!!!!!!like MOST Loved!!!!!!!!

All through the workout this one constant loop the mind was on his zoomed in versio from the dream the aaaaaay he was just showing telling you how much he missed you in ways more than and sometimes this STRING need to just write it out and knowing you can’t this feeeeeel!!!!!!!

To this post workout moemnt how still things like these happen or just your mind can’t be just your mind cause that’s how stronflyyyyyy you feel his touch the slow whisper in the waking state too…..it’s like now you make sure to keep your eyes shut through the moves and feel live him more it’s like he is there everywhrrr all over you in intervals all through the moves to this one time finally to cool down you jsut be and that sudden feeeel over arms to shoulder and this one sound from his Skype calls that stayed with you cause it still gives out those feeeeeeels of him and today too that same shiver shake over the arm to down your spine and you weren’t even sleeping…….

This mind rigjttttttt nowwwwwww ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how like this just how like this!!!!!!!!!!

This rushhhhhh this something’s that’s rushing through you be it after his dream or just that one visual of him left that beautiful trace of it all over your face to no filter selfie tho Banta!!!!!!!

Aiseeeeeee dimaaaag ku kaisaaa control karteee kii how do you even put a hold on with all this inside!!!!!!!

Wish itt get itt!!!!!!

 Mornings like theseeeeeeee!!!!!!   

All him eve since the shutting of the eye to the opening of it now just him everything him and the waaaaaaaaaaays he comes like these how does the heart even wish for it to be real too…….

It’s a beautiful madness when you wake up with the very first thought wondering thinking he sure missed me even with this mad missing of yours to this level with these many oraaadeys to feeeeeel him miss you like this to actually for him to make you feeeeeeeel his missing like this auyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you beauuuuuuuuuuuutofulsexyyyymiyaaaaaaaa how only you were missed aaaj phir seee subah subah!!!!!!!!!

This you this skin mind body n soul this feeeeeeeeel of him with that THATTTTTTTT much him you wake up feeeelinf the same vibe of Versova meet like suddenly a piece in you is missing that completes you soon as you are up…

Missed missed missed missiiinnnnnnnnnnng you kitttuuuu miyaaaaa dilkiiiiii pukaaar tho sunlenaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Zaaaaaahir karuuuuuu kyaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie this wondering in moments like these if this much missing even makes the person feel something and then the answer comes along with him with him showing you telling you how much he missed you tho in someway it must be reaching nai when last night it definitely like he missed you more!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa if only there was some switch some button to turn the dream into reality and actually have him for real to slurp him awaaaaaay again for real!!!!!!!!!!

All you can feeeel is his arms the hair on his skin the scent of him the one stare that makes you feeeeeel like nothing else in the world possibly can!!!!!!

Nights like these!!!!

 Changing sides keep changing over again with changing finding loving this new music of finding him and the way it’s giving away all these feeeels taking it notches higher to what you are feeling already……and this wait now to see him live him feeeeeel him chummi eat him away and you are struggling to sleep now……..

That THAT one face that one brauuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa uskiii soooorat mera sukooon and howlapunn bhi I say!!!!!!!! 

HIMMM!!!!!!!💙💙💙💙

 From that moment of seeing him after long even be it in a picture it’s this beauty of the mind charlie specially in love and you’ve lived loved that one that muc……

The way it sort of traces their details away and recalls living loving those very details having felt touched lived kissed sniffed like your mind plays it on loop and of all the days when you had to that out it all got that beautifully difficult when it comes to him it’s always been this way with you …..

Like you can’t be normal can’t hide these feels and just act normal with a straight face or take it to be normal in the first place…..it has the most beautiful and solid wala impact on you anything him slightest bhi and here tho aaj tho it was to see that beauuuuuuuty of him after longest and even writing it out now recalling that one face ayyyaaaaaaaaa this feeeeeeel even now on the inside the waaaay it makes your heart currrrl away with joy just that one face!!!!!!

The song not sure who put it over the friend or him but the waaaaay it literally sung out all these feeeeels you’ve been living rushing through waking up with throug your day and moments exact same feeeeeels!!!!!!

His same earrings the round one his usual style of deep neck that same sinagyure smile of his a lil high eyes that one face with a mix of adoooooooooooorableness with load of sexiness with that blend of beauuuuuuty in just the way he is how much how very very much you miss that one face ayyyaaaaaaaa anybody who gets to live feel touch it luckiest human alive I say!!!!!!!

This heart nowwwwww just reliving him from that one picture ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to bas eat him awaaaaaaaaay slurrrppppppp boljeeeee!!!!!!!!

HIMMMM!!!!!!💙💙

 This one tee shirt of his any spotting auwhrre of that one specific one brings along that feeeeeeeeel of his shoulder his skin his arm along cause you loooooooooooved feeeeeling his arm away his shoulder away as and when he used to wear that specific one cause it was the softttttttest tee he used to wear back then……like it had that feeeeeel of being closest to him in that specific one and thebwaaaay he knew you loved that feeeel of his arm under it and the way he would sometimes move your hand on the upper side of his arm when holding him and then move your arm along and over his arm like ab Id Har kar kinda thing!!!!!!

To the side of your face your hand tips of your finger loooooooooooved that feeeeeel of him in that specific one and the waaaaay every single time even now wherever you see it on somebody it brings that feeeeeeel of him along and HOW!!!!!!

Like you just can’t help but immmediately feel over your hands and finger tips that feeeel of him!!!!!

Soooo yaahhhhh throug the day getting things sorted even with this state of mind of this morning dream and sometime around noon or something it was she leaves her phone for you to check the motif samples to finalise from and that feeeeeeel seeing her phone right ther and there she goes to the other room and you fataaaaak se get on and seeee there it was your most loved thing after him the circle rounding away and there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa like suddenly there was this sudden burst of that THAT much Khushi rushed pumped through you!!!!! The waaaaaaaaaay he just looked in that picture it was a birthday wish for somebody but ayyyaaaaa like always the second you see him evrythung around on automode blurs out and all that stays is that beauuuuutifully him!!!!

Hear her coming and head out of the rooom ayyyaaaaaaaaa that rush this rush of him today seeing him after this long!!!!!

By the end of the day finally pickup mom and head out for dinner with the team like you weren’t up health wise and more importantly mind wise but it was being postponed for long now and also had to finalise a few things today itself so the printing can start from next week…

Waiter brings up the menu and you just hold it smiling away looking at all the C’s on the menu play one ear music of his and this inside wali Khushi as you strggggle to keep a straight face on with his nose him with his eyes smileee his deep softesttttttt shirt like that tingle on your finer tips this feeeeeeel this mind on replay mode of details of him after seeing him when she finally comments over saying with your mom that doesn’t your face look like you are upto something with that constant blush……that’s when you realise it was that evident where in your head you are doing your best not to smile…….

Same excuse of a call head out and just walk around that need to just be like you couldn’t stop replaying the nose feeeeel of his over your face every inch and corner of your face with eyes shut and it starts to drizzle that one perfect feeeeeel!!!!!!

She comes out asking you to talk to somebody regarding some work and heads back in and it was the assistant of the printer asking for design size detail for sample and just seeing her phone in your hand hang up on the person and that need to see him again and there it was another story of this song with him at the back and the words lines ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa these many iraaadeys lately!!!!!!

It goes be around you yaha waha how would you know what iraaaadeys on my mind with this impact of you!!!!!!

Translating the song away when you laugh at your own madness sometimes am telling you nai charlie all these things happen when you are this THIS happpppy highd on him !!!!!!!!

That one face in the world you could eat slurp awaaaaaaaay in one go!!!!!!!!!!!

Iraaaaaadeyyyyy!!!!!!

 It’s been toooooo much him lately that keeps happening over n over again and it’s all making you too much happy away donno how why or what just this zzzzzzzz feeeeeeels it’s giving you away is different and after a very long time and all of this happenings strangely in his absence too!!!!!!

These dreams of his lately these moments lately through your day like the other day out for some work pass by this school that had a board displayed of the school and the kids face looked ditttttroooooo like his bachpan ka photo and it made you that happy away just bout to click a picture and the bus comes on the side and you miss it and with too much jam in the lane you could t even take a u turn and come back for it still bending over to see it and this bike comes to the side of the window the guy driving the bike smiles asking to stop the car so he could take the turn and the magic of that moemnt the same blue and red striped collared tee of his with white shoes a lil ahead and this board of Chetan electronics like it was that beauuuuuuuutofully in sync and with these strong of moments there was this constant smile and inside giggle over how tied your days and moments are with him…

The waaaaaaays he just comes charlie like it’s soooo filmy sometimes nai like you see in the movies all these signs leading to your place your destination and to you it’s always been Him right from the very start!!!!!

To this day this morning him coming twice as funnily ironic as it sounds he did come twice with the same moment on repeat to finally heading out to work cause you couldn’t skip it with the other Pret line planning process on with meetings no matter how bad the nose state was just had to……

Struggling to have a straight face on cause you keep touching feeling your nose and face away with that one thought on mind he touched all of these details away this morning with his nose kinda Khushi playing on loop on the inside be it with the printer meeting souring fabric design discussions even with pattern cut work and they are doing and showing the textures and you stand there standing smiling away just recalling the feeeeeel of his nose away with the slow breathes in between him for a change sniffing you away as he moves his nose over and around your face……

Even writing it out now this feeeeeeeeeeel right now!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaa zaaaahir karuuuuu kyaaaaa hai mere iraaaadeyytt!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing else!!!!!!

Can goooo on a godfatherzilluok times over n over again nothing I say can make you feel this waaaaaaay the waaaaaaaays he does ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeoussssssssssssssssss sezyyyyyyy lil big adoooooooooorable thing how only you were missed!!!!!!!!!

When that one face in the world makes you glow out n out with the wiiiiiiidest smile glued on possible even with fever cold and coughs like this sick and yet this sudden glowswww and snileeeeee on just that one face just that one daaaaadi just that one cheek one nose one lips one all him can possibly do this to you !!!!!!!!!!

This you this mind this all of you inside out with this much khushiiiiiiiiiiii buzzzzzzzzzzzzzdddddddddd himhighdddddddd and how!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being kissed if you only knewww!!!!!!

Aaaaj thooooooo khushfieeeeee thiooo bantaaa hai boss!!!!!!

One face in the world!!!!

 That one face in the world for you ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind today like now now how do you even control or hide this smile this face awaaay!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhh miyaaaaaaa ye tuneeeeee kyaaaaa kiyaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

How does a face can make you THIS happy just by seeing it after this long and transforms you away like this!!!!!!!

Him his face him poooooora ka poooooora full heart and HOW!!!!!!

Akele akele smiling talking to the printer smiling talki mg to the staff explaining a design smiling talking to the waiter now smiling like this smile this glued on you cause you just can’t help but play that one photograph one loop his eyes his smiiiileeeee his pouty lips his daaaadi his soffffft shirt and too many replays of the mind one visual just one visual I say is all it took!!!!!!!

That very same momo nose of his that comes along feeling you away this morning is a moment lived feeeeel lived and relived with a photograph !!!!!!!!!!

Like even writing now you are struggling to keep a straight face on and pretend like you are work texting cause you just had to write out THIS THISSSSS MASSIVE RUSH of missing rushing through you right now!!!!!!!

Pooooooora heart!!!!!!

 Right in the middle of coughs and sneezes here comes the smile of your life I say!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this sexyyyyyyyyy adoooooooooooorableness of a face I say!!!!!!!!

Your poooooora ka pooooooooooora heart lungs kidney liver ro every organ and cell in your body full of happiness right there on that one face in the world!!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Singh miyaaaaaaa how only you were missed abiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

That one face for you that saaaaame ditto smile of his with daaaaaadi in that softest cotton same fall fabric shirt this heart right nowwwwwww buzzzzzzzzzd him highddddddd again and HOWWWWW!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaa howwww nowwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!

Mornings!!!!!!!

 All these days post shoot feeling like iron man cause you felt THAT immune as the model had bad cold and cough and you "thought" youd managed to not get caught!!!!!

Yesterday by late evening it finally kicks in bad cold with fever but the waaaaay the day was laced with again few beauuuuuuutiful him magics through n through...

Am telling you charlie it's all been feeling away differently beautiful off late again when and as you say it now touching the woodest of woods your head away as you write it!!!!!

To again galti se falling asleep with everything him playing canfles lit over the couch some movie it was don't even know which one you played and you fall asleep right there.......

It happened twice the same dream similar feeeeel of him one not sure what time it was and the other at the same hour must be the same hour from back then of mornings this side you change and with all the cushions down there was enough space for him too like as crazy as this sounds you made sure bout that when that sleep was kicking in.......

Slow whispers that draws you closer to where you could hear him most before you know he moves his nose over your face like your eyes yiurbnose cheeks forehead like every detail on your face he moves his nose over and finally just stays and lets his nose over your lip and slowly whispers your nose is wet in that beauuuuuuutifully sexy n low sleepy tone of his voice that you were used to listening to back then.......and your reply to that was just an I love you...

Like saying it out to be him even in a dream happened after a very long time like you don't even remember when was the last time you said it out loud!!!!!!!!

And the sound of his chuckle still staying over your lip slow sound of hmm and then finally says it I love you too howli and both the times he said it last night shook you up woke you up be it that hour or later this morning......

There was that almost comfort magic like vibe to him coming yesterday.......like all through those moments he keeps moving his hand over you holding you softly like he was comforting you like he knew you weren't feeling so well like always when down with fever he is always there again something's you write now and your heart makes another wish!!!!!!!! This very moment now!!!!!!!

There's been this beauuuuuuutiful wild wild rush of his missing lately to this one beauty of him yesterday!!!!!!!!!

Singh miyaaaaaaaaaaa how only like HOW ONLY you were missed again today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scent of smoke…

 It was like you were laced away with all him that day……

Like that entwined wit him laying there that you remember getting up to get ready to leave and you feel different with his legs around you and the second you get up it just felt ajeeb and you remember as you stood over the couch with him stil laying and looking at you you look at yourself with that weird feeling on the inside why it suddenly felt incomplete like a piece of you was suddenly missing in you……

And the waaaaay he could sense that like always bout you and just smiiiiiles away to on your way back all the way you keep smelling your hands over n over again cause it smelled all him the scent of the smoke the scent of him over your arm and then you…….

Even till date everytime somebody at cafés and places smokes you just try and be around for a bit like slow walk to where you weee heading just so you could smell it for longer cause it brings him along the most……be it watching him look that sexyyyyyyyy smoking making those smoke rings over Skype or in those meets like somehow it holds that essence of him and form hating the smel of smoke before him to after him it’s also one of your most loved scents now cause it brings scent of him along!!!!!!