How can listening trippin on one sound of voice leave your mind and all of you feeeeeeling away like this amidst a zillion things to take care at work!!!!!!!
With a constant smile on!!!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one HIM on the face and everything of this planet I say and the waaaaaaays anything to do with him makes you dhadaaaaam se feeeel all this away and HOW!!!!!!!!!!!
This one definitely one of those dreams you couldn’t make any sense of!!!!!!
Like don’t recall a single thing apart from his whispers like all of night you could hear him say things to you literally with his pout over your ear one side and say things away……like just talking and you keep going hmm hmm like staying connected with the conversation…
Like even after the waking up you try that hard to recall what he was saying cause all you remember is his voice his whispers the scent of him THAT close to you like you could feel all over his presence but with eyes shut saying things away in that adooooooooooorable mush tone of his voice…..like saying things away with that THAT much love in his voice…
To that need this morning to somehow squeeze in the workout and wait for the moments to feel his preeence cause when he comes like this where you couldn’t see him hold him that one strong need to feel him kaiseeeee bhi!!!!!!!
And play this song of his in another version and this beauuuuuutoful experience it leaves you with is beyond words…
It was like this strong energy vibe of him all around over arm over neck over your ankle it was as weirdly beautiful as it sounds writing it out !!!!!!!
How could experiencing something like this be just your mind alone!!!!!!!!
It was beauuuuuutoful the waaaaay that feeeeel that energy vibe was making you that happy away smiling through with goosebumps…
Missing madness at its most beautiful and hypnotic state I say…!
And some sounds n moments like these!!!!!
A song you looooooooved listening to back then soon as you were up from the same tree dreams of his and after all these years random music surfing you find this one listed on the playlist !!!!!!
Listening to it after years now and the waaaaaaay it brings along that one magic of that dream and visual of his…
The same dream over years now still do and this beauty of this sound……..
Nights like these had t be on a Youday magic nai…
Of all the sounds, had to be this one!!!!!!!
Dreams n wishes, this beautifully laced in a song…!
It’s this thing you’ve living and experiencing lately people may or mostly do not understand your words but to understand your mind like not a word said just by your face say out what’s exactly on your mind or sometimes not even say it out and just nod away knowing what’s in your mind was also another sexiest thing bout him……
Like that was when you would always feel the MOST loved the waaaaaaaay he would just know things on your mind just by that one look at you and just know it all away and HOW!!!!!!
To be there that noon to walk around recalling those moments with him shopping or those lunch dates lil talks of nothingness sharing food knowing him living him feeling the luckiest in the world away and to not still finding him beside you it was a beautifully weird feeel!!!!!!
Some random comment bout your insta I’d manager comments over where in your head it was more of Scooby do thing it made it sound like the tag line of your life it seems a what to doo!!!!!!
And you finally decide to change it couldn’t think of a name and then recall his and whyyyy not the heart felt…
It’s beeeen feeeeling all different lately charlie somehow donno why or how despite the other track of reality playing with no him the way the dreams are getting stronger you feeel him more on drives around when you need to feel that listens in him more post work and decide to go a longer route home and the waaaaay you feel him more he talks more in dreams now as you try to move holds you closer not wanting you to leave it’s all getting stronger more now strangely…….
And yet there are things that still can’t make any sense what do ever…also why you struggled to not write out this state of mind but something’s nai and that one tinnnngggggg bolke pull of all the names in the world it had to be Chippy… :D
The sound of his name ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that load of happiness and more it brings along I say!!!!!!!
The day before you actually woke up from that strong of a dream of his like he was there THAT much loved you in that waaaaay waaaaaaays ki you woke up and couldn’t make sense of the waking up and not finding him still not finding him beside you like he was seconds back telling you all that away…….
That almost had an actual conversation of asking that state of mind away saying why aren’t you still here showing the space on the side beside you asking why aren’t you still here now that am up….
Like after a few mins brushing away questioning yourself away what did you just doooo like THAT level of missing that you are losing sense of the dreamworld and the reality track playing as it is…
To this another change of his display on Instagram of some watercolour painting sketch or something and it’s that adooooooooorable also hits you the way it had that Skype call vibe to it the way he is pictured sitting…
And that feeeeel!!!!!!
Then why or how are you still feeeeling all this away like why still dreaming him these waaaaaaaays living moments of magic in your waking state too……
That one switch that needs to available in the two when the one turns off the other somehow automatically needs to turn off too nai……
Mera somehow saaaalo nikal gaye charlie nai inch huaaaa!!!!!!
It’s like soon as you shut your eyes the waaaaay he is there connecting moments from the very day connecting missing from the very day saying things away now tho again whic you don’t wanna write and spend a night reading your own lunatic state of mind!!!!!!
Whaaataa muse to have him as nai!!!!!!!
Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that looooooooove to live him away apart from zilluon other things…
Back then attempted a few things at painting then that role switch to become the man of the family put you in the track of focusing on a career work path to take the charge of your own home……back then that wish to draw him with him sitting right there and you just adoooooring his details away and painting him away…….
Sure had to be some girl who painted like you can see it in the way it’s done!!!!!!!!
THAT One beauuuuuuuty of him I say!!!!!!!
Said it before can say it over n over again how truly lucky and BLESSED are the ones that get to live him I swear!!!!!!
He is pure magic in human talking walking smiiiiiiling nodding breathing form the most beauuuuuutiful form of magic I say…!
It’s been like signs everywhere holding you closer to him with him himself coming and making sure telling you so assuring you so holding you closer and telling you over n over again him missing you him still loving you and exactly this what you were holding back from writing out…..cause kabhi lagta nai charlie now when you read these very things out like in your dreams with him in your head it still sounds sane call it magic but now when you write it out it all just gets that much weirder…
That day out to get some home stuff and you find this beautiful had to be blue floral mug homecentre evey single time when there the waaaay that day with him and his sister shopping for his home stuff the waaaay he was holding you closer like as you walk with his sister the way he would after his sister walks a lil farther away he would pull you back with your top literally pull you closer to him and just make you hold his arm his way and locking it in over your waist side…..
The corner his stares him just wanting you to be closer him asking to pick sheets for his room pillow cover stuff like those his sister asking yih to pick his towel too from that to that view of the tibbs frankie the late evening lunch dates with him there in his car with him waiting for you to finish your 3/4th like he knew that wellllllllll exact at which point you leave it for him to have the rest and sometimes him being adoooooooooooootable make you open your mouth make you literally take another few bites in that adooooorable scream tone or voice saying today you left more for him and then have the rest…….
It’s these lilst memories from those days moments rush through you when there like suddenly it’s all him as you are on FaceTime with mom asking her stuff and you keep going black finding him in corners spaces with feeling his hand away or that whisper of his like you keep going black and drop the call and just be finally…
It’s like when you knowwwwwwww all of you instead just wants to live him away in his space and HOW…..
Also when you always make sure to visit the men’s section and again find him in things you would’ve loooooooooooved to see him in……
Maybe also why sometimes some tee shirts or shirts you would’ve loved to see him in you end up buying anyway tees you wear them again with that one weird feeeeeel why did you even this time tho it also ended up with men’s footwear…
Strangely charlie loving him living him in things you would’ve loved to see him in has lead to you buying things for yourself from men’s wear more often and loving them eventually!!!!!
Strange nai the waaaaaaaaays of the heart I tell you!!!!!
This thing bout memories like they run through your mind on n off with some sound some rush of a moemnt or a visual but the waaaaaaaay it resonates on a tooootalllu different level with some places is something else…
And that has always been this way with his places the waaaay they still hold that THAT much him after decade and anytime when in one of his places the way everything around outside stops whilst everything on the inside is in this beauuuuutoful rush of him almost like magic…
The way it just holds you standing there and just reliving him in those very corners and playing it all back on loop in that very moment…
The waaaaay he is there ekdum seeee as you just stand there and reliving the moments and find him in that very space of mind and time!!
How it is donno why it is is even a bigger question but the waaaaaaaaays it is is beyond logics I swear charlie!!!!!!!
Be it now watching some video and you spot this and that pulllllllllll of wanting to write him out as you were holding back from it for the time being cause you just donttttt like reading your mind when it doesn’t feel right….
Lifestyle few days back was just one of those spaces…!
Something’s can never make any sense missing him away waaaaay too much lately and you sit and read your mind and his chats away!!!!!!
Jabbbb maloooom something’s padhee tho mind disturb hotaaa like you know for sure and yet you dooo!!!!!
Why no clue maybe cause it’s just his words something from him that you miss THAT much!!!!!
So even if it feeels bitter it’s that thing bout being his and you in way your own way fill up the absence away…
This morning again no dream and that neeeeed for the workout specially after yesterday as it was the lifestyle moments his tibbbs frankie place and again come back home with toooo tooooooooooooo much of him and HOW!!!!!
To this state of mind if lands you in after reading his chats this morning……
Post workout that another wait any moment pls comeeee pls comeeeeeee like inside of you almost in that state of WAIT……
And that slow touch over your arm ekdum seee with this track to that pull and as you bend over to the side that one face of him blowing the smioke circles away over Skype…….
The waaaaaaaaaaaaaay there was something that THAT sexy magic like beauuuuuuuuuutoful about the waaaay he looked his complete face his expression like in your head the visual watching do that even back in like it would all play in slow mo like suddenly it all that beauuuuuuutifully slows down…….
And as you feeeeeel that pull of his hand over yours and trip a lil and that very second that rush of self talk merkooo ineeee abhiiiiiiii k abiiiiii honaaaaa idhar!!!!!!!
It was madness it was heights of missingness but more of madness now as you read your own state of mind from that moment writing it out!!!!!!!
AGAIN one of those things that are beyond any logic what so ever!!!!!!!
Haiii so haiiiiii!!!!!
How donnoooo!!!!!!!!!!
Some words and the way they can hit you and stay with you!!!!!!
Ever had that feeling when you've barely just woken up with eyes still wanting to shut and back to sleep cause it feels like it's been on a run all night here there everywhere kinda runn...
Happens when you spend your night reading your own mind out missing him that much away!!!!!!
Be it looking for him in sleep or looking for his love !!!!!!
From the runn of the night to this run now heading over to!!
Whatte start already...!
It’s only this morning that you ekdum se realise you are almost outta his music for the post workout moments!!!!!
Again no dream is what you thought cause for the first time ever you almost forgot the dream from this morning or his sounds from this morning…
Blame it on the heat as it’s only getting worser by the day like you start the workout as a boiled egg by the end of it feeeelin it like a crisp fried omelette I say!!!!
Sooooo yaaa beeen deeeeep missing last few days donno why how or what it is but the waaaaaay THIS neeeeeed strong rush to seee him for real to live him for real to feel his presence for real to touch him for real to hold him for real to chummmmiiiii the face and everything outta hmmm for real like toooo many for real feeeeels rushing through and you are trying your best level ultimate best to get a hold on but naiiii horaa charlie the waaaaaaaaaay this mind this you is feeeeeligbaway tooo waaay toooo much lately!!!!!
With no dream finally get on with the workout after a lot of nah not today garmiiii nai hotaaa and then that meeed to feeeel him away live him away for a moemnt to start the day with and finallllly do!!!!!!
Hufff huffff bolke somehow done and there was that moment song after song after song it just wasn’t working today like no track with that feeeeeel of him that comes along with no sense of him fonaaaaly head to his channel and this one track does it…
Soon as you play agaoaaaaaaain for the godziiiiliiionth time again his face from Versova am telling you charlie mera dimaaag piooora ka poooora Versova mode mein running horaa!!! Lately
From that moment to close your eyes lay down for a movement and you first feeeel him over ur ear one side then slowly his sound of voice deeeeel of him over the back and as you stay hold that position his sound saying sun zaara from this morning plays on loop thaaaaaats when you realise he did come this morning like yo could just hear him strangely like saying just one word over n over again in that same song tone of his voice like he was humming it away closest to your ear cause you could feeel his lip over the ear too…..just saying sun zaraaa sun zaraaa over n over!!!!!
The way that realisation that whole moment leaves you in state of something beyond words!!!!!
Like u were shocked stunned losing sense of the real moment then or back in the same dream moment him saying it to you or feeeeling his presence over ur back away!!!!!!
Even writing it now this feeeeeeeeeeeel magic is for real like realllly REAL!!!!!!
Howleeeeeeeeee baaaahhhhhhh tummmmm kitttaaaaaa zoooor zoooooooooor seeeeee yaaaaaaad aaaare kitttuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaa if you only knew zaraaaa sa bhiiii!!!!!!!!
This state of mind plus no dream and that waaaiiiiiiiit for the post workout moment keep changing tracks one track afte the other not a single feel of him not even for a second this weirdeeeeerrrrrrrooooaaaaar state of mind it’s left you with!!!!!!
It was supposed to fill up his absence his place but the waaaaaaaay it’s left huger misseeeeeeing in you!!!!!!!
And this waiiiiiiit for the dream pehle nai ayaa then this workout moment phir nai ayaaaa and now this feeeeel!!!!!
Baah!!
How like HOW do some places leave this big of a something within you!!!!!!
Of the then and the now THIS big of a longing this strong feeeeel of missing Him for real in life…
Like it’s this huge shift in you that it’s left you with!!!!!!!
Out for fast n furious with manager and def one of their best Post movie a friend drops over and just about to head out somewhere and you see hard rock and that need to be there with these recent memory recalls like that strong need to be one of his places…
The second you step in the stairs ahhhhhhhhh back then it used to be crowded and that same feeeeel of missing him that much and him missing you much much more than you were with that feeeewwl……
Get away from your sister and over to the stairs sit there over the call with him for more than 2 hours or something it was…cause he that badly wanted to take you there and you were there first time with ur sister n her back then boyfriend…
And you could sense that strong missing of his over the call by his voice and you stay wit him over the fone……in a way being there with him in that very place!!!!!! To just realise and relive he loved you that THAT much!!!!!!!!
People walking up n down stares and laughs as you sit in one corner and talk to him where they attend you there itself with some water and stuff and you just be filling up his absence away…
Take the table that day right across the stairs almost where you could see it from and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it’s filled you with charlie it’s beyond all missings!!!!!!
This strong longing this huge space kinda thing in your life for Him…
It’s feeeeeling weirdly painful in a way!!!!!!!
To just visually live that then and now wali feeeeel was something else!!!!!
As they talk and stuff you were there sipping your mango berry away cause being a Thursday it was no chicken n no daru day…….
But that one feeeeeewwweeel just looking at that very corner cause the stairs look the exact same like it was back then even the smoking section on one corner almost same but that ONE feeeeeeeeeeel of him!!!!!!!!
THIS BIG OF A MISSING like no other!!!!!!!!
Most favourite place in the world - Versova for life I say!!!!!!!
Ayyaaaaaaaaaaa mornings and minds like these!!!!!!
It's an early start to the day almost feels like waking up am tmes defffffinitenly not a morning person again something that did transform away loving and living him, this looooive for the nights made you not a very morning loving person...
Rushed workout and that waiiiiit with no dream this morning for the post workout moment and u play this track the beauuuuuty of some sounds and words...
Eyes shut bending over and the waaaaaaay it brings along the versova moment cause that was the first time he chummied you in that way the slow nibbles first does and tejn waits for your reaction sees your face post mkemnt and the loud adddooooooooooioorable chuckle of his something's you relive and write out and the sound of him this beauuuutofully still clear!!!!!!!!
Like your excitement amusement and his face after noticing your reaction over his things ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa poooora heaaaaart I say mera!!!!!!!
People always commenting over how you can't hold an expression including your mom and there was him looving every bit of it.......
The slow nibbles his face that happy and the aaaaay he would come closer and at it again.......today in those movements thebwayyy it starts off with those memory calls and smiling relcjng the beauuuuuty of his closeness as you move through the moves that slowwwww whisper of something over your shoulder...
There was that almost magic like moment charlie cause suddenly there was that sound of whisper over shoulder and as you lean over that side to feel the moment more that feeeeeel of his hands all over your arms the waaaaaaay it felt like moving along with y9u as crazy as this sounds some moemnrs are just beyooooooond!!!!!!!!!
There was that rush of him THAT level of him rush cause your mind relaying moments of his closeness his presence that THAT close to you from the Versova meet and your body living another few moments as you move through...
This mind today already ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa no wonder Versova did become your most looooved place on the face of this planet I say!!!!!!!!
Cause the waaaaaaay you'd lived him then for the longest of time ever!!!!!!!!
Something else!!!!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you adooooiooirable lil big sexy thing how only you are being missed away abiiiiii k abiiiiiii!!!!!!!
Today at Westside his coldplay track plays and there he comes that you had to step away find a corner and just be shutting your eyes away reliving him from his car post bup meet looking at you singing away cause you are all yellow with his pouty sexy lips and big beauuuutiful eyes rolling away!!!!!!
Done there step into the cafe for some sandwiches and the very song playing there he tho hum hai!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaa one step inside and you just stand there looking down smiling away cause there he was and sing along with the song sit over the steps and just be……
Hayeeeeee tere he thooo saaath hai mannn………
Mere Kalam ki tuuuu he Kahani hai….
Itrtraaaaa ki work line change hua writing stayed with him and how!!!!!!!!
It’s like in that very moment you just be there listening to the song and missing him the mostest all over again…
With that rush of can’t waaaaait to get home and write him out cause this happens in a way like you are screaming out how much you miss aaj and this comes out hoping the inside missing gets a lil better!!!!!!!
These moments be it this morning the dreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam the waaaaay he came this morning like it took you a good hour to hold back your face and feeeels and then finally come out of the room cause that’s how you’d lived loooooved him to a dream like that one…one of those wishes again in a dream…
The very thing first thing that comes along soon as you are up is him standing at the door saying I’ve had you in my dreams many times…and then you don’t get it and you jsut stare away wondering what it meant and that nod of his smiiiiling away saying very soon very soon…
Like firstly he knew you didn’t get it and secondly was saying in a way very soon you shall know…
Of all the things he had said of all the moments lived of all the him standing and starring away at you from a distance it had to be that very moment of him sharing that with you…
And of all the mornings and waking up missing and looking for him it had to be this moemnt this very morning itself…….
Even writing it out now this mind how do things like these even hapeng how do you even get this used to and yet never quit looking for him waking up…
There’s this weird wish sometimes charlie that your heart makes specially when it’s this kinda strong dream like it all happened for real like he was there for real cause that’s how closeeeeeeest he was and felt like and you wake up with that one wish ssoon very soon looking at your pillow……
Blame it in the still sleepy head hazel state of mind or that strong feeeeeeeel and presence of him that morning that made you wish for that……..
Baaaaaho mein baaaaho mein khoneee do, isss pal ki aaadat hai honeee do…!
The other day manager takes the day off and so does the store staff so you had to take care of an urgent appointment where a guy walks in instead and upon checking mentions how was early she was the cousin who was in the way and asked the guy to check out outfits meanwhile….
Of all the shirts and prints the guy wearing similar exact white kurta kinda white shirt with blue prints jsut like his from his birthday video…
When a visual of Him in anyway hits you in moments like these every single time the way it zones you out completely……
The guy checking stuff and then takes a few asks you which one would compliment the guy color wise in a flirtatious way with every other outfit almost not a single answer out from you and you head over to the balcony play his music one ear plugged in and that one feeeeeeeeel of him…….
It’s the way evrythung on the inside smiiiiles away to making your face eventually smile away cause that’s how strongly you feeeeel him in the moemnt that one video of him singing him smiiiiiling him just being Him that beauuuutofully rushes through you…
Finalky the cousin comes over picks a few and asks if you design for men too and you say a clear no which you could’ve customised but with the manager not present you didn’t want to go through the picking the color design for the guy for reasons……
Get done with the appointment on your way home ask Venky to take the longer route home with just driving around!!!!!!
It’s this realisation that you’ve lived and re realised a zillion times charlie…….
This thing bout certain things especially the versions of love loving someone and stuff over a long period of gap as somehow turns into Jo mila woh like the manager was talking bout!!!!!!
But the waaaaaay the very sense and essence of you goes numb to everything else and then wheeeeeeen it comes to anything Him slightest of him bhi the waaaaaay all of you comes alive and HOW!!!!!!
U don’t miss things you miss it with and for Him most importantly…
Earlier it was a different kinda missing charlie like you know missing him as a boyfriend which you still do as he was your bestest friend too missing him in foods and places but now the waaaay you miss is more of becoming in a way like missing the man Him…
U know that kinda missing cause the dreams and post stretch moments yiy just donnoooo kyaaaaaaaa ho jaaaata the waaaaay he has been coming in dreams and in your post workout moments is SOMETHING else!!!!!
The touch taste and feeeeel of him is what’s more now waking up looking for him all the more and the way post workout moments mind that beauuuuutifulky high on him all over again even writing it now GOOSEBUMPS!!!!!
Moments just the like sounds you come across throug the day or the dreams that you’ve lived or the post stretch moments sort of form this base for that day of all things Him…
After Starbucks it was clearing fone memory and finding this screen grab on a Sunday too of a Sunday like that one!!!!!!!
From missing him to living him on Sunday mornings waking up and looking for him that day too was a usual looking for him post few hours of sleep after a disturbed night and then realising something of the previous conversation with him of what he had said…..the second you check the fone and realise it was that sound you wokeup with actually it was a text from him just a smiley and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie when you experience one of the most beauuuuutofully ironic fweeeps and get confused if to be happy bout or frown over it was those kinda moments…
Firstly it was a long lost dream of the longest time ever to live him on a Sunday morning soon as you are up and there he was but the realisation of the earlier conversation makes your head scream out hold back the horses and don’t get all happy over it it must be a continuation of the waiver conversation but anyway take a screengrab of the moment cause in that moment you were ironically he Sahi the happiest you’d been in the recen times…
One dream one strongest longed for wish strike off literally off the tanker list not just bucket list wala thing I say!!!!!
Cause that’s how many wishes they all have jumbled up to be by now…
To the complete day those feeeeels of him that level of missing to heading out for a bit of work and shopping and that lost state of mind cause suddenly it all hits you back and how…….
To finding yourself the very next in that space to live those moments and in your way back home this one corner turning pe bad jam and as you look to your right there was this car parked and guess what the number plate was - 2009…
I know much random but to you it was evrythung again one of those yet another one of thise pearl touch moments it felt like…….
That beauuuutifully insync!!!!!
Soon as you are there get seated and stuff but the miiiiiiind and this face charlie the very second something him hits you the waaaaaaay it just transforms into evrythung him….
Like you just can’t just cannnnnnnt have a straight face on and get back to the usual and take it to be random…
It’s like hitting one pearl of a string one thing falls the rest come rolling after I say n how!!!!!!
They keep asking if all ok and stuff and you just couldn’t sit there and act normal though you keep telling that yoruself on the inside act normal act normal have a normal face on…
Then there was that urgency to just listen to something him and head out stay there listen to his way of love track something inside instantly gets better strangely……
Back at the table and the way they laugh over it by saying it’s like she needs to have a smoke real bad in that very moment the way she rushes out……
Almost same same nai!!!!!!
Back at the table n this one glass on the edge with these lights at the back wooooooosh bolke back to same ccd space with him….
Where you get this alcasalser kinda tablet for his fever n cold for him that needs to be added to the water cause he had flu kinda thing back then the back then wala normal every month hota kinda flu from decade ago….
Soon as you add to the water the way he immediately gets the glass closer to you and tries to adjust his fone to get a picture and you tell him you won’t look nice and like always he smiles and still takes it saying it all looked that beauuuutiful from a low angle with bubbles in the glass the lights at the back and you in the forefront of the image……
U don’t see the image but his face charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaa everytime in moments like these u should’ve just seen his face in that moment that one biiiig hearty smile on him as he still in your orsence watches that picture and then puts the fone aside and then looks at you still smiling that one happppy smile of his…
It’s these moennrs charlie that made you feeeel realise how truly lucky you did get in life for having found him for having been loved by him and more importantly for having been able to love Him as your first and only love of life I say…
That day that vey moment to see live the glass visual to live him in that very moment was something else…
It’s like connnecting dots charlie am telling you the waaay one moemnt holds your hand and takes to another connecting moment letting you live a lil more him as you walk through missing him away!!!!!
It’s this big beauuutiful box pitara of him like to the outside world you are a mess and that you get almost often very very often you are crazy you are a mess what are you even doing but to you alone you know what you feel what and how you live through…….
Be it the dreams take it to be a random Co incidence again which it’s DEFINITELY not cause the waaaays he comes makes you allows you to live him through completing some moment for you exactly how you were missing him as complete some conversation from the previous nights dream like too many of em to write it all down but all of it can’t just be a mere Co incidence to these very moments connecting the dots for you with his very songs same songs that you were moments back him tripping on and HOW!!!!!
Yesterday there’s this restaurant place that started off their space right at the same time span as you did this one of yours and somehow land there soon as the lockdown was taken off…the couple shared their story and stuff and you yours of how just before lockdown you youd gotten this space and this happened…….
Somehow the business connection was there and hoping best of each other got back with work with beech beech mein interactions with her……
For some reason they recently shut that previous space and got this one and had invited you for the same months back and kept slipping off your mind days back manager mentions the same bow they insisted again and finally yesterday head there with her and mom as a post Mother’s Day thing cause again the only special day you Manage to remember is the dates from the October…
Ur most looooooooved month of your life I say…
Sooo ya she had the location on maps and the second you are there the name the very name of the new space you had no clue of earlier was English of Gulmohar…
How do things like these even happen where last few days lately there have been a zillion instance of the initial rush of him be ur having to go to gvk to book the tickets and stand there staring away at the Starbucks stairs recalling the way down to ccd back then…
It was a slope thing back then where you had to walk down to the entrance and ther he was waiting for you knowing for sure THAT sure that you’d come back for him…
Every single time when there the waaaaaaay that one spot holds you away and HOW!!!!!!!!!
Finding him standing there waiting for you!!!!!!!
Something’s again you relive and write now this THIS very feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel beyoooond words!!!!!!
First the Co incidences multiple ones in a matter of 2 days roughly that beauuuutifully in sync with the other !!
If there’s any magic absolute any trace of magic for real it’s in the moments out of nowhere that make you come alive…
Like in an instance evrythung around you just transforms and it’s just you and him in that very moment right there…
Like suddenly from doing something in a very public space it becomes all bout him that you don’t feel see hear a thing beyond him just him that beauuuuutifully!!!!!!!
The most beautiful form of magic there ever is, Him…!
This sudden realisation today in the middle of the workout when suddenly this Enrique track starts to play amidst the mix boris playlist…
Earlier the missing was missing him as a boyfriend kinda vibe now maybe you miss him as miss him the man kinda vibe…
Cause it’s al been feeling different lately the dreams making it all of it that much more beauuuuuuuuutofulky worse…the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he came this morning!!!!!!!!!!!
It left you with this level of missing like even writing now this rush of Him the morning steam left you with!!
It’s all getting very different inside your mind the memories the dreams that the outside you is unable to keep the pace up with it to hide it all away on the outside has become that much more difficult now…….
To this post stretch moemnt and there he was slightest with one track and you change it up and the waaaaaay it all becomes him from reliving that moment caught in the middle by sister…
The waaaaaay he did remember that very moment too cause the rush you had experienced in that moemnt with him was SOMETHING else!!!!!!!!
Much after bup in some chat he mentions the same like he did remember it that clearly the details your hand leg face and details and everytime he would remember the lilst things of moments and meets the waaaay it always used to amaze you how did he even manage to remember that bolke…
From that moment rush to stretching a leg out and the touch over your feet cause you had your face down bending to the other leg and you feel that strong touch over the other feet moves you close your eyes to feel it more and the waaaaaaay it just unfolds that beauuuuuutofully!!!!!!
Donno what it is how it is but the waaaaaaaaaay it is is beyond logics!!!!!!!
This very moment the mind this you this very rush!!!!!!!!
Yesterdays writing coming soon cause there way toooooo many co incidences and like he used to say life is nothing but a series of co incidences…!
If only there was something to do with the missing energy tracing travelling across and reaching out on its own when it’s on THIS level…
Ahhhhh mornings of magic like this!!!!!!!
Last night that THAT one rush of him that one misseeeeeing and you wake up with again the same dream as yesterday with that wait in him this time and mind still hiiiiiigh on a flight mode ever since the waking up so much so that you can’t feel the ground beneath the feet I say that beauuuuuuutofully dizzy in the head……
Step out of the room the house help Sunitha walkins with her fone ringing to the same ezaaaaact ditto song !!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your heart right there!!!!!!!
Ask her not to answer the call and she laughs over it and let’s it be with the ringing over n over again!!!!!!
That one fellow mera poooooora ka poooooooora heart I say!!!!!!!
Miyaaaaaaaaa tum aaaj kal bhottttttttt zooooooor zoooooooooor se aisaaaaa waisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yaaad areeee ji!!!!!!!
Times like these when you this THIS strongly miss him this wonder slightest bhi something tho bhi feeeelhona nai uskuuu!!!!!!!
When the heart mind dreams are making you feeeel away live away him THIS much!!!!!!!!!!
That one THAT ONE face in the world for you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lil did you ever know the beauuuuutty of living someone could bring you that THAT level of joy and something…
To live his every detail his smile his no smile expression him turning around and looking at you that one time before heading home him bending over a lil to watch you get in the car like you are seconds away from sitting beside him but that wait in him to lean bend over a lil to see you first getting in his face that one face getting off the stairs and then turning around and the waaaaaay it always used to pull you off and away to him runnn to him and hold him one more time…
His that one look when around people be it your place or his surrounded by family and yet having that one moment with you wordless and yet saying a thousand n more words away…
His that am adooooooooooorablh mad at you face and sound of his voice him holding your hand tighter just before dropping you at the door cause your mom being around he wooodk just hold onto your hand tightly and you take a moment and head out with a bahana of dropping him till the lift and on the way that one rush to hug him and that very second somehow I was already missing you the usual line of his it was that unsaid u explained beauuuuuty of him like by his touch his grip yob know he was already missing you……wanting that one more hug just before heading home…
Thinking of it now sooooo many moments still left sooooo many things still to say that much THAT MUCH missing today ever since the waking up ever since him beside you tracing your details away with his hand looking you in the eye with just that one sound of his deep breathes in between as you get off a lil to chummi him or something and the way he nods in a way just wanting to live you in that moment and you move back and let him………
It’s this rush of toooooooo many longed for feeeels today ekdum seeeee this state of mind right now!!!!!!!!!!
That ONE love of your life I say…!
Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaaa meraaa pooooora ka poooora heart kidney and soul I say!!!!!!!
That one swelled nostril smileeeeeee of his also why you loved watching Vijay in this movie sooooo many instances facial expressions and the waaaaaaaaaaaaays He comes along ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being kissed abhiiiii k abiiii!!!!!!!
Some sound somewhere leading to this one of your most loved movies again cause it has all the Him feels and HOW!!!!!!
Visuals moments and the Him in lil lil scenes and moments and this state of mind it fills you up with this very moment !!!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa how long of a misseeeing like this one…!
If you only knew howleeeeeeeee slightest bhi I swear!!!!!!!
When you are soooo high on him and gin that your mom says your face never looked so pink and smiley in recent times?????it’s just you know it’s a beautifyekeee blended iof tunrrrneed onnnnn since the morning waking up to him and the blended of ginnnn when that one face from this Mornjngeeee keeps playing on looppee!!!!!
Ayyaaeeeeooooooo thatareee one beauuuuty of him I sayyy!!!!!!
This oneeee mind it leavereees you with!!!!!!
Sittingeeee here how do you even hide ur face ree awayyyy jsut so u stop blushiieeejng and smiling away
Waking up and the usual search for him cause seconds back he was just there right there beside you on the same pillow in your head it’s that deep state of confusion cause you still can smell him that sense of him holding you seconds back that strong…and ekdum se you can’t find him a Sunday morning wit this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel after having felt him lived him that strongly that felt really real, well almost!!
Wake up and this visual something’s something’s only I say…
To seee the C - LOVE!!!!!!!! A Love Rainbow to wake upto…
This find at ikea weeks back go for something and the sight of this very pillow cover you had to had to HAVE!!!!!!
Was all things C and LOVE…!
Over time you realise how much of someone you actual mein love truly become..
His logic to watch one good movie atleast once in a week and that now you’ve followed over the time late night movie night that almost has become your second most loved me time with yourself , first being to write him and your mind out…
It’s the Jordan one and suddenly when you’ve started to enjoy this ritual of his and ting bolke realise how much of him you’ve become over time nai…
Finger gets better and mind gets chippiest high possible!!!!!!
Just awakened and happy misseeeeing that one face I say!!!!!
There are some dreams there are some ways he comes and then there are sounds like these…
Lot to write lot to work so for now comes the rushed workout post himhigh stretch!!!!!!
Play his song and the beauuuuuutt of the date 27 October 2009 also why sampoorna super market board is your favourite most cause it comes with founded or something in 2009 ur most loved year of life I say!!!!!!
The waaaaaaaay some sounds can zone you out if the present mode and land you back to those all those intial glimpses of him!!!!
Him tying shoe lace to show you him walking into the gym him just standing at the corner of the gym with that lost face staring away at the glass side and you lost in him without even knowing why that one face used to hold you away like everything around stops all that stayed was him his face him waving just leaving sending out flying chummi after dropping you and then waiting for you to catch it where once you were just missing him too much whilst him leaving and he send out the flying chummi and you lost in just living and missing him don’t catch it and he actually calls you in that moment saying mein firse phektu catch this time don’t let me kisses go waste…….
These very initial details of him play through with the song and then that need to feel that presence of him cause there were memory flashes glimpses of him from the start playing through with the song but that need to feel him in the very moment and you play this one track that’s just HIM!!!!!!
That one wish to live him feel him moments with him to this very track cause you used to live him over Skype calls with the same track playing on loop……and that made you long for the very same track playing for real as you live him hold him for real…….
Something’s SOMETHINGS!!!!!!!!
Sooooooooo yaaaaaaah the second the track you knew for sure anytime now eyes shut in your mode of him movements actually and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay he was there that sudden transition of your mind all of you the waaaaaay you could that strongly feeeel him that very instance…
His nods his that THAT one smiiiiileeeeeeeeeeee and suddenly your body arms neck spine mimicd the exact movements what his presence used to make you feel like again when you can’t write but wanna write out so bad!!!!!!!!
It’s the exaaaaact feeeeels charlie like magic like he was there for real the waaaay it all just changed inside you your mind evrythung you that beauuutiful transition like his presence used to…
This is called inasaaaaanely self induced misseeeing I say!!!!!!!
Like you know how exaaaacy how that track is going to make you feel like make you live him and YET!!!!!!!!
Ayyyyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! THAT BEAUTY HIM!!!!!!!
He is like the wild forest charlie like the tall wild trees no wonder this love for the trees and Him!!!!!!!
Wild vast and BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!
Everything sense of Him…!
This mind now!!!!!!!!!
When you just can’t stop smiling cause you know the things your mind is at when you can’t stop smiling cause that ONE face that one expression playing on loop now everytime you blink…
Annnnnd some wishes…!
It was one of those moment’s yesterday when in the waking stage you hear him scream at you in that very specifically adooooooooorable mad at you tone of voice…..
How or who else possibly can bruise the same finger over and over again……
Venky bangs the door right on the finger and it was the worst bruise possible also why you couldn’t write out the rush from yesterday and then this one moment half asleep almost asleep watching this series and the wwaaaaaaaaay he holds you away from the waist slowly turning you to the other side of the couch and as you turn that rush to just chummmmmmi him away and in your head you have been having that thing about kuch bhi Karu inne ab nai jata like that level of dream trust I swear that you rush to chummi him and suddenly you don’t feel him over the waist like that dhadaaam se his presence disappears that very moment charlie I swear nothing has ever woken me up the waaaay that sudden realisation of his absence in that very moment did!!!!!!
Cause you were thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat close to chumming him and then tingggg bolke he just disappeared!!!!!
To this waiiiit for this morning post workout when now workout with boris has become all the more special with that beauuuuuuuutoful coincidence of him posting it too!!!!!
Some Khushi’s nai charlie are beyond logic you don’t really know understand can make sense why certain things can make you this happppoy away that moemnt was one of those…
To this post workout himhigh stretch is what we will call it now!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa how do these guys even create passion with sounds….like how does your mind long and get drawn to moments like these when a sound like this one plays…
It was that beauuuuuuuuutofully insync with moments with him…….like all you could feel live with eyes shut and stil feel over you in the moves somethiiiiiuiugs again when you soooo wannanaaaa write out and can’t!!!!!!!
It was all him over like the waaaaaay the sound progresses with changes in the peaks of the sound and the waaaaay he kept growing over like from something it starts to the waaaaaay suddenly it becomes all him and HOW!!!!!!!
It was different today like from feeling thinking nothing related to the mind this mind now THIS high on him zoooooomed up version!!
Maybe it’s the choice of sound or the waaaay he just comes along no matter!!!!!!!
A start like this one already this rush is different initially struggled to type out wit finger still bruised and now you just wannaaaa write it out!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT one him just beyoooooonf everything else I say!!!!!!!!
They are like etched in you some moments!!!!!
The way he was holding you to that feeeeeeel of him it was only much after do you realise he was wearing the psychedelic tee of his from the gym days with you…
Like it did feel different like they say there are things your core your soul knows much before you realise it for real…..
That meet too like holding him that feeeeeel of him felt that beauuuuuuutoful initially you thought it was cause of the ultra softness of his tee that it was that comforting like the sec he sees you at the door that one face like you still clearly remember that moemnt he spreads out his arms opening the door with that one excited smile on him like he wanted you to notice it and your lameness you don’t initially notice cause it was his face in that moment ayyaaaaaaaaa you should’ve seen him charlie that beauuuuuutifully happy he looked in that moemnt !!!!!!!
Something’s nai your mind suddenly goes all into the details like you know following the track of moments one to the other just like that chords of a sound……touched by one the others start to play on their own theres no holding back…!
It’s THE weather with mood and moments like these!!!!!
Some reasons nai why exactly you’ve been consistent with post stretches lately this rushhhhhhhhhhh of him that comes along I swear!!!!!!!!
It’s pure magiiiiiic sound play drifting off and away from everything else every other sense or state of mind and that THAT much closer to him!!!!!
As you play a sound eyes shut and move through the movements and that wait inside to find a moemnt with him of him and the waaaaaaay he comes charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this beauuuuuty of some mornings like these!!!!!!!
Weather gets suddenly this beautiful almost rainy mind this high on missing him breeze over face eyes shut deep breathing feeling wvery breath away with that wait of him…the very thing you feel live is that hug of his from that Dd space of his……..
Soon as he holds you the way initially he just stays holding all of you and then after a bit starts to live and feel your presence away with his hands at the back it was like he was tracing details of you away wit his hands somethings you aren’t supposed to write but what and HOW you felt today with this one sound on loop and that very moment of him living your details and then again holding you closer…….
Like you could feeeeel his missing away just by his hands at your back……it wasn’t a tight hug as usual it was him tracing your details away and as you move a lil away that one smiiiiiiile of him cause again like always without a word said he knew what you’d felt with his hug and that one smiiiiiiile of his after!!!!!!!!
To that moment when somebody comes at the door and as he gets off to open it standing at the door of his room turns around one look at you and the way he just stays that way with the bell still ringing over n over again it’s again one of those feeeeeeeeeeeeeels everytime he did that used to do that evrythung around like just had paused that beauuuuuutifully still it’s just you and him in that moment nothing else moves or is on play mode it’s just him in that moment…
Something’s ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this state of mind that those moment recalls with this one sound has landed you in!!!!!!
Howleeeeeee you gorgeous gorgeous lil big adoooooooorably sexy thing how only you were missed abiiiiii k abiiiiii!!!!!!!!
No power cut stopping you tonight I say!!!!
Uve always loved watching the trees the taller the better a lover of living the light from underneath the leaves and branches……
This too bout you did transform into him…
Watching you look for trees to feeling the light under the trees him driving closer to the trees on drives to necklace road and still looking up you realise how suddenly you were now closer to the trees and then bring your head back in and look at him how he was driving that slow with that smile watching you live your moemnt with the trees….like even writing it now you still remember him from that very moemnt this beauuutifulku clear his smile his eyes all sparkly just watching you with that beauuuutiful expression all over him…
Ever since then these tree moments bring that very moment with him along…
Like everytime you look up when you find trees like you love your eyes always go back to the space beside you and look for him…
This one spot specifically here you love and moving circles under like moving a complete circle under this one the way it looks and feeeels like a sky wityb green stars all around and exactly then it starts to rain….
That fwewwwwl to feel the drops over and then look for him beside relive that very moment with him was something else…..
There was magic lots of it and you are sure missing out on few but the beauuuuuty of days like these when you re realise charlie the importance worth fondness loveness that you have for someone like you know takes you back to the realisation no wonder it’s been Him all this while…..
To those moments when still moving under the trees your heart screams put aytaaaaaa I love him!!!!!
Moments when walking around your heart screams how u wish he was there too like there were zillion moments of missing to even more when feeling grateful for him!!!!
Things moments places with these veauuuutiful traces of him bringing him along on and with each and every step of the way with every beat of the sound and HOW!!!!!
There were these lil lil hims in moments and places…
It’s that feeeel charlie like when your heart knew what the purpose was of this time off it did eventually feel and live him away in every way possible in tiniest of corners and moments too…
One such corner was the view of the bathroom like the exact view of soon as you are out of the shower cubicle there was this huge blurred window pane kinda thing the view from the cucbile inside when showers somehow looked exactly like that closed window of his Versova house……
Through the shower your mind eyes glued on that visual the waaaay it was bringing back details from that meet like the visual and connection of that window being from Versova was just the start of it all……
Like your mind kept reliving the same on loop cause it was making tou that happy seeing the window and being all excited to open it at his place cause calculatively you thought it would have the view of the beach before his apartment and you try and ke keeps saying it’s stuck it doesn’t open…and yet you had to like in your mind you were saving the moments and visuals away in your head and you try and he finally sits down and watches you try and struggle to open the window and finally give up with multiple tries and that one position of his ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa that adooooooootaby sitting and nodding away then chuckles after saying Tera kya karna nai samaj ata merku boletho Sunti nai tu…….
After a gap for him to speak to you that way that very tone of his voice in that tone of speech saying that same loved line of his on you boletho sunti nai tu and you happiest best possible to just hear him say that live him looking at you that way adoooooorably still nodding away!!!!!!
And there was your moemnt even without the windows open…
The next time the waaay he mentions about having found the lid of the Kajal pencil that you’d lost at his place pehle and also mentions how the windows open too…
Like it’s not been just you knowing remembering his details this did start with him from him first…
The waaaaaaay he used to remember things details bout you that well and most of which you yourself didn’t know wasn’t aware of or cause nobody else could find that in you or about you…!
Something’s you relive and write now and this feeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!!!!
The Versova window…!
It was this experience of doing nothing and yet feeeeeling away that much him away!!!!!
Like the insides of you screaming I miss you idhar I’m missing you yaha bhi and there found you in that moemnt miss you yaha too kinda moments through these days louder than ever….
This walk track that resembled those drives into nothingness with him with that one turn and taking you back to opera…..
There was this beautiful mix of pleas of missing him that bad to that level of joy missing him to finding some lizard looking like Spider-Man costume to these mushrooms and still wondering about him as he used to talk bout these magical mushrooms that exist for real……..
To just walking yaha waha and it starts to rain poolside head there it’s all gulmohars all over to this series of songs that sort of in a way felt like your heart screaming out loud how bad it was missing him……..
To these late night dancing on your own recalling him holding you making you dance literally to dropping you over floor and then watching you miss him in his presence cause this dance was moments before you had to head home……
And the way he kept repeating the same cause that’s how much he loved watching you miss him sometimes rolling over the floor and nodding away in a way protesting over not wanting to leave him and head back home……and the way he went on n on over the dance lifting you holding you slowly dropping over and then with eac time holding you closer than the dance before like you could feel the missing in him grow too with everytime he dropped you and held you back……these very moments that very face of him him holding you and then hugging you tighter just before he nods and in a way time for you to leave like the hug itself felt like the biggest miss you he couldn’t say out with words……
That night listening to these tracks dancing on your own in the same move of him holding your arm swaying Ina wave motion is what you wer doing akele akele it was different charlie there was this beautiful irony too but that sense of happiness strangely lately this missing is coming along with a sense of feeeekinf happiest best in a strangest of ways possible…….as the feeling kept growing hold that moment and save the feel away with Gulmohar image of the night …
Whatttaaaaaaa Human I swear!!!!!!!
Ayyaaaaaa the waaaaaay this song makes you feeel and miss him!!!!
There was that beauuuuuuty charlie the most beautiful experience of your life to feeeeel that state of being lost in living him…
Like the way this track actually brings that state back smile on mind this beauuutifuly slow and high on him…
Like you looooooved watching his details lilst detail to just that live that state of being lost in him…
Howleeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeoooooousest human on the face of this planet how only you are being missed I swear this very moment again!!!!!!
If I swear you had the slightest whiff of an idea bhi!!!!!!!
There’s this beauuuutt of some sounds charlie…..
Writing something and then you play this one song that’s completely Him!!!!!
Like the second the other night you find this one and the waaaaay it brings him moments with him like it brings back those moments with him that made you realise there’s no other like him and there will never be another Him…
It’s that feeeeel charlie when you see someone live someone live their details experience that presence to that level that makes you realise suddenly how much you love them not just because they love you back or anything but just love them wholefully for just what and however they are…
Teri meri ankhom mein is one such song for you that did bring him along in the most beauuuuutoful of ways……
These memories those moments when you’ve felt this level of joy just by living his presence back then like in the inside feeeeeling that happy to just have him in your life to just having met him……
To those moemnt a from his Versova meet being close to his heart head over his shoulder him moving his arm away to the beat of the sound and beech beech mein looking you in the eye and smiling that smile cause he could see and sense that’s how lost you were in that wonder of a Him…
It was that beauuuutiful to find this track relive his hand with the music relive that feeeeel of his breath and heartbeat in that moment to just experience Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this one song how how beauuuuuuuuuuifully it’s just Him !!!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaa saying it again every person that comes across him lives his presence even be it for a bit how truly blessed and lucky I say!!!!!!!
There were these moments charlie where you are in your own like taking a stroll around having a drink or just being out listening to these tracks and the waaaaay there was that sense of him not sure how to put out in words but it’s like you sense that oneness in some moments that strongly that suddenly you don’t feel that alone anymore like it’s not just you in that moment kinda vibe…
There was this waking up moemnt with a beautiful full mirror in the bathroom and you were happy to see the change finally on the weight loss thing and you were still trying to capture a mirror selfie thing and that very moment that sense of his hands over your waist to his head over your shoulder and before you even make sense of that sudden rush and feeeel of him around and over you yih actually see a glimpse of him in the mirror over your shoulder looking at you like there was that beauuuuuutiful magic for less than a second but that strooooong feeel cause you were still fully up just woken up and still looking at yourself and that very moment the waaaay that strong sense of his presence to his hands over your waist to that touch of face over your shoulder like you felt it that strongly!!!!!!
Like it takes you a few mins to make sense or come back to senses rather to what just had happened…..
Head out to the Gulmohar view corner and just be with his music that you were that baaaadly tripping on with that sudden rush of Khushi like having felt him after that long for real over your shoulder n waist cause in your head in that moment it stil was a moemnt in your waking state and not just a dream……..
Some ring at the bell and turn and find this beautiful reflection of you standing with the gulmohars at the back almost the same vibe that you’d lived moments back…
A perfect mirror selfie wit that sense of him still beside you in the reflection…
