The two people !!

some sounds again do this to you !!!!!!!!!

like they just leave you with the hardest and the loudest ting of all !!!!!!

like the strongest ting ever to be tinged kinda ting i say.....

this feeeeel of the rains last few nites jaise shaam hote hote that beauuuutiful hue of monsoon in the air like you can see it feeel it smell it in the air and raat hote hote the waaay it starts to rain.....

and smthings no matter how many times how many yeaaaaars youve felt lived it for they just never get repetitive to feel all over again... that one feeel of the many feeeels is baarish and with every drop of baarish that one feeeeeel of him that one wish of yours from the many....

its like the onset of baarish that very first drop of it and all of HIM that very sec you see feel touch smell it in the air..... as if though its not the baarish but HIM !!!!!

smthings you just cant help but feeeeeeeeeel......

this one thing logic feel call it whatever that comes with the rain every single time for years now...

and just a day back this one beauty of his lucky ali song as you just be listening to his lucky ali playlist living that one same wish running at the back of your mind watching the rains and the thunder in your place..... the waaaay the sky was lit with that beauty to the sound of thundering cloud hugs.... all of this beauuuuuuuuuty with HIM playing rushing through you to the sound of his lucky ali and pretty much all of his music on loop...

until this one song tum ho wohi......

gum ho kahi......

its like it just rings that loudest ting like said the sec you hear it.....

the two people in your mind that you are living the him then and the him now...

its that stark contrast between the two the him then that loved accepted wanted lived the all of you back then.... without even the slightest doubt or the pushing away !!!!!!

like all he knew was to live love and accept you the way you are and most importantly was that darn proud of you when you were nothing and that DUMB !!!!!!!

still proud..... still loved !!!!!!!

and this one has reasons for the push and with that comes the doubt of your presence if to have or not to have cause obvsly as him having told you his people might not like him having you around in anyway...... and hence the block that he maintains to keep you away !!!!!

or some other reason.....

its that thing charlie when you are kinda unsure your mind automatically finds looks and then finds some reason to be withheld for the thing that you are unsure of.... and when you are sure with all of yourself bout smthing anything in life come what may nothing else really matters......

cause you are that damn bad sure bout smthing in life and thats the only thing that stands and matters......

and strangely that one feel like having him still unblocked strangely felt like that still wait.... which you arent anymore !!

cause you know and prolly need to understand and make peace with time about this difference which you have numerous times did think or write bout..... but that  thing of making peace with it somehow never really happened that one acceptance never really happened.... and maybe why its your mind that still feels like dreams like he made you unblock by shaking you up holding you up moving you with smthing or the other......

it was that weird feeeeling with the song.....

the waay it makes you feel through the song its not the him from then that loved you and was proud to have you in his life !!!!!!!!!