Moments in life...

that one line in his bio and that one feeeel just before getting off - almost ditto to yours.....

like that one profile twinning wali weird mad feeeling....

its also a part of realization to just knowwwwww there is not just one thing that makes you miss him makes you happy bout him.... its that feeeel to know to experience how anything to everything to do with him actually does that to you.....

anything to everything i say...

biggest moment of happiness today to a bigger realization also !!

like it sort of made you look at yourself top to toe kinda weird feeeel....

like where you are what you are doing why you are the way you are.....

like to just wake up and work on yourself change the way you are change the waay you feel and all of that.....

like to just change yourself.....

smthing better def !!!!!

happened many a times before but today was a different one.... as this also being the first time eevr with a distance like this one !!

like made it all that much more clearer that much more sense now......

Nothing but Happiness....

like the only thing that youve ever wanted wished hope waited for even much before him your best friend or your love of life.... was Him to be happy.... him smiling just happiness for Him !!!!

like thats all youve ever waited wished or hoped for Him !!!!

and now seeing that he is you dint want to ruin it with your presence.....

whatever you feeel in moments or dreams is yours alone......

its your side of the story its your side of love......

to just let him be the way he is - Happy... is what youll stick with now.....

it was that weird feeeling after..... like suddenly your presence there dint even make any sense anymore.....

that was a time.... and this now is a time too !!

and this is smthing you need to work on realizing and accepting more importantly.....

get a call from work and on your way back getting there you see this one sign board of the yoga studio opp street that says work on self....

and thats what youll do now....

with this one done soon finally go back to getting on with the time away that you did try more than twice now.....

hoping to gain some control over the swaaaaaaaaaays that you experience post his dreams and moments.....

there was that feeeeeeel charlie feeeling his face awaaay his hands awaaay pic mein se hee.... and that one feeeeel you love him and thats how it needs to be for real too.....

to love him is to let him be happy..... to let him be the way he wants to be !!

and thats what youll work on..... here after !!

to take your side of story and moments to be yours alone.... no matter how stronger his presence in moments or dreams feeels its just yours.....

THAT one pic of his i swear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nothing like youve seen like it was actually seeeeing living him for real that closeeeeeee to real......

like that same posture position of his that you were living yesterday there it was that very same almost same one for real in the pic.....

Realization.....

his smileeeee his daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadi him in whiteeee his beauutiful sky like forehead his hands ayyyaaaaaaaa his hands that beauuuuuuty of his silky baaal over his hands again your most looooooved touched..... to just feeeeel live loooooove adooore him charlie.....

like those few mins that you just be living him in the pic - HAPPINESS !!!!!!!!!!

after a veryyyyyy long time !!!!!!!!!!!!

VERY !!!!!!!!

to once that sudden ting tings you of the model being out any moment now get on seeing the rest of the pics with that one thing when he is in a happier place now with his complete family and happy......

it was that realization today of loving him more as your best friend also.....

when you just be seeing those pics one more time again....

that one feeel of not being a part now......

get off delete the history and keep her fone aside....

and head out to just be....

like you needed to get away for a bit to let that khushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii rushing through you to sink in for a bit just sooo you could head back with a normal face on....

its like it was THAT much him rushing through you that you couldnt calm it all down.....

finally get out from there and head to the coffee shop downstairs and just be....

this thing bout just gazing away into the traffic like it sort of spaces your mind out like you can feeel your mind all the more even looking away at the crowd....

when you love someone you tend to be more gentle more careful more thoughtful and all of that.... with him loving him you did learn this bout love... discover this bout love to treat love as fragile like that thing of handle with care.....

its that fragile.....

like its not smthing that you again decide choose or think it over, it must happen naturally.... like you know loving them with care handling them with care putting them first.....

its not smthing you decide choose or pick this over that kind.... just happens !!

knowing how lilst of smthing that hurts him has a larger impact on him and again that thing that makes it worse is him not never being verbal bout it.....

like he would never really tell you this hurt him that annoyed him.... like you can just feeeeeel it in his face in his expression in the way he moves.... in the way he would just sound normally....

like you can just feeeeeel it in him even if he is not verbal bout it....

and family was smthing that did disturb him the most  then... as it was falling apart then......

and having lived that side of him and knowwwing how much it hurts him this feel today as you finalllly see him happy with his family all the people that he needs wants with him in his life....

and suddenly you dont feel part of it as you still were seeing it from somebody elses acc like if nothing else that alone was a proof big enough....

how far you really were now...

if you cant be the love being someones confusion is the worst of all !!!!!!!!

its like you suddenly felt that sense of why what you were doing even....

he is in a happy place now finallyyyyyyyyyyy and thats what you have always wanted him to be as.... and keeping you away was the reason why he dint want to disturb what he has now.... his family.....

and you being still around dint make any sense !!!

like looking out at the chaos outside sort of clearing it up inside of you.....

get on whatsapp block him back and get off.....

this time for real now !!

LIFE !!!!!!!!

you knowwwwwww def knowwwww how much you love him miss him and all of that but its that beauuuuty of moments like these charlie.....

like the visual love part of it....

like how much khushiiiiiiiiiiiiiii suddenly you get overflooded with just by seeing him just by seeing some pic of his like that one pic is everything youve missed bout him well almost..... white, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadi ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whooo bhii full grown one :DDDD that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee o fhis like the sec you seee him smileeeee ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa that one immediate jump into the ocean and drowning awaaaaay with that much khushiii rushing through you.... like that one madness that smthing that you suddenly feeeel rushing through you !!!!!!!!!!

like you just couldnt stop smiling just by seeing that pic o fhis like whooo hua he nai to stop watching to stop living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him.....

like only after a while do you notice the kids too in the pic like until then that same usual thing when eveything around not just in the pic but around you too disappears with the model still asking smthing from the trial room and you that losttttttt in him.....

like you couldnt hear a thing just some noise from the room THAT lost in him.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that smileeeeeeeeeee that forehead that daaaaaaaaaaaaaadi that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of all of him in white - yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pakad naaa bhii nai seeedhaaa direct khaaaaaaa jaaaana i swear !!!!!!!!!

like that THAT much adoooooooorableness beautiness lovenessss in one pic !!!!!!

its like the more you write the more its strangely making you smile now too just reliving that beauuuuty of him as you keep shutting your eyes to relive that pic of his......

like even the kids fail at looking adorable or cute which comes naturally with any kid for that matter.....

but yours being nothing else that could possibly be.... like this one kid of yours comes with everything extreme be it beauuuty adoooooorableness cutenessss and the many more nessss's that not necessarily comes iwth the kids..... like that one beauuuuuuuutiful extreme of Him i saaay......

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaj thoo pakkaaaa neend nai atiiii.....

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee tummmmmmmmm jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan meriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa geeeeeliest dent waliii chummiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaanaaaaaaaa uskuuuuuu abiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT much loooove in one picture !!

dress fittings today with just few more days to go.... and stuck with the last minute changes and add ons and as the model tries out the stuff she suggests if you could do that specific kind of tassle and then end up watching some dog videos to the other stuff.... and she gives you her fone with some video watching and heads over to try the outfit asking you to check if which specific pose style you would prefer and all......

that one feeeeeel strongly to see or not to see like you just couldnt watch anythng else with her fone in your hand on insta and that one just feeeel like bas ek baaar dekh leti and bas will get off just that neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed to see him once......

and you finally give in and get on his acc fataak see and that one strict beauty of him on the main pic and then the post of his sisters wedding one to the recent one one pic after the other and there he was....

ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE of your life in one pic.......

wearing white your most looooooooooooved color on him with that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutyyyyyyyyyyyyyy of his full grown daaadi ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa pakad keeeeee ghuppppppppp sluuuurpppppppppppppp bolkeeeee khaaaaaaaa jaaanaaaaaa bas !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one smileeeeeeeeeee of his the waaaaaay his head a lil tilted that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of his big big eyes his smileeeeeeeeee ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa everything youve ever lived looooooooooooooved in life in that one pic - HIM !!!!!!!!!!!!!

like that very sec you couldnt stop smiling just looking at him like couldnt hear feel anything but Him !!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaay he looks his beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful adoooooooooorable eaaaaataaaaable yummmaaaaaaaaaable beeeeeeeeeeest in that one pic.......

back then when you did tell him the color white makes him glow and he calls it rubbish and chuckles away saying its just you who thinks that way.... but ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaay it just adds that beauuuuutiful glow on him it just adds that bit of extra beauuuuuuutaaaaaaay to him......

that beaaaaaaauty of his sky like forehead that you were that used to chummming awaaay that daaaaadi of his that neeeeeeed to feeeel it awaaaay that smileeeeee of his doooooooooob jaaaanaaaaa bas dekheee tho.....

like there are two other kids exlcuding him in that pic but that beauuuuuuuuuty of your kid in that pic def looks waaaaaaaaay more adooooorable innocent uptosmthing kindaaaa hint of smthing in his eyes ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one pic of his def the most fav of yours till date.....

just the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks in that !!!!!!!!!!!!

and that same feeeeeeeel again if only there was some waaaaay to save it awaaay.....

THAT one pic even now as you write like your eyes your mind playing it on looop just the waaaay he looks in that !!!!!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTIFULLLLY LIL BIG annoyyyying thing how only YOU were missed abiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOST beautiful on the planet i say !!

when your day is made that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully just made by that one moment !!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa like your eyes suddenly feeeeel that chill that calm that peace after having seen the one thing that you long to see the most or the only thing that you long to see...

Him...

and like you always feeeel and say the MOST beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful picture of His that you ve ever seen.... goes with every pic of his but this one becomes that much more special as its the same glance stare of his that you felt lived just yesterday.... that same waaaaaaaaaaay him with his head tilted just bout smiliiiiiiiing that smile awaaaaaay of his ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like that same position that same smileeeeeeeee of his !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dooooooooob jaaanaaaaaaaaa i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its that feeeeeeeeel the sec you see him in that pic kuch aur maangti tobii mil jaataaaa shayaad cause thats howwww bad you missed that expression that smileeeeeee of his !!!!!!!!1

and then today you actually get to live it with another bigger realization hitting you away and HOW...

like that one pic of his everything that you looooooooove like dekheee thooo its not just a pic its more like that LOOOOOOOOOVE in just that one visual i say......

ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beauuuuuuuuuuuuutyyyyyyyy i say....

when you couldnt thank the model enough for just letting you have that moment..... live that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

weirder and maddeer are the ways of heart i say...

still wondering what it was like.....

what you felt then was smthing else......

it wasnt just bout misseeeing him it was that strong feeeeeeeel of him like he was suddenly that close to you or to come closest to is tht same feeeel like he just touched you..... for real.....

like thats the strongest feeel of him and whoo bhii in the waking state and right there at that very place.....

the waaaay like everything else the waaaay he loved talking to you bout the very same day....

telling you how he loved chudidars for teh first time cause you used to wear it and how white color did become his fav cause he felt you looked that pure walkig out of the temple... and he couldnt take his eyes off you and even tells you that he did know you felt weird initially cause he never looked at you that way but that day he couldnt help it and felt the same from you when you dint take your hand off his forehead....

it was that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful to hear it all from him cause of the way he just knewwwwww exaaaaactly knew what you had felt in that very moment in many moments.....

like to actually hear him say how you felt in a specific moment without you even telling him bout it was - LOVE !!!!!!!

like there was him that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully well aware of what you feel how you feeel how you think in different moments and situations without you even having to tell him....

like just by your face he would knoww it all.... mostly this only happens when youve known someone for very long that you understand their facial expressions but there was him slightest any expression of yours and he would just knowwwwwwwwwwwwww what it was bout !!!!!!!!!

like he already knew you that beauuuuuuuutifully well !!!!!!!!!

like to just hear him tell you things bout you only was like him telling you a zillion more much deeper i love yous than jus the mere love you.....

like him talking botu those moments was waaaaay more intense than the much obvious i love you !!!!!

cause that was him showing you telling you how he already knew you lilst of you any detail of you anything to do with you he just knew !!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kyaaaaaaaa hai yeeeeee aaaaaaaj ittteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yaaaaaaaaaaaaaad areeeeee miyaaaaaaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this onlyyyyyyy what it was then you donnoooo why of all the things unblocking him you still donnoooo what diff does it even make still makes no sense.....

cause all you knew and felt then was just Him and to do that !!!!!

why is the biggest question of all i say !!

Faces he made !!!!!

one smthing you write bout his facial expression and the waaaaaay its like this one flowwwww of him rushing through you......

same recent meeets and this one thing first thing he would dheeree see holding your head away in his hand put on jispee soteee nai.... and then that paas ekdumm see and that same feeeeeeel through you....

the waaaaaaaaaaay he would that adooooooooooooooooooorably whisper abiii itttii sharmaati saalo nikal gaye fir bii ittaa sharmaati..... and the sec you tell him ab ittaa break maar maarke mile thoo yahi hotaaa sharam aajati wapis....

and that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooorable of his looking yaha waha saying hau naii......

and then a moment !!!!!!!!!!!

smthings you dont wanna write and also that neeeed to write it awaay.....

his mind his adoooooooooooorable expressions especially in moments like these when you say smthing and only after does it hit his mind and that one face he used to make ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa LOOOOOOOOOOOVE i say !!!!!!!!!

in the most beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful form - LOOOOOOOOVE !!!!!!!!

to those moments when he would realize after mentioning smthing to do with his ex and then realizing after he shouldnt have and that oen adooooooooorable face he would make....

its like you forget everything else and all that stays and matters in life is Him...

like the only thing, rest all secondary and almost invisible !!!!!

its like that one priority and everything else only comes after.....

like his facial expressions you see and you forget everything else......

ayyyaaaaaaaaa that smileeeeeeeeeeee those big big eyes f his looking yaha waha and whooo biii that zooooomed in distance seee to just live him live his beauuuuuuutiful details and the more you write this weird feeeeeeeling now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now feeels like waaaaay more a decade biii - the absence.......!

The language try part 2!!

this thing bout living a moment and then there is the writing that very same moment......

how only it makes all the misseeeeing worse this bad worse is also smthing that can never be understood.....

no matter how many times you experience this it only gets that beautifully worse the more you write it.....

soooo yaaaaaaaaaaaah hhhhhhhhhh from where to where only it went again....

after that moment of reliving your own love moment there that one fone call breaks that beauuuuuuuutiful flow of the moment....

it was the photographer already there at the off.....

rush back to work physically mind still there all that there still lost in him....

its when you relive his love for you in his places and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it fills you up with is smthing else.....

like you may live his love anywhere almost through the day but theres that smthing when you do in his places.....

that smthing almost magic like, like you are again back in time in that very same place same moment withthe same him still there...

SMTHING ELSE !!!!!!!

like mind that beautifully still blank and finally at the photographers and as the conversations gets on in telgu and you try to do your best to understand but the real struggle comes when you had to speak that almost telgu that you could manage.....

and the very first reaction much expected room full of people laughin at you.....

shut yourself up and get back to english and now they couldnt understand most part of it, so this time you won !!! :D

but the thing botu telgu always and when people still laugh at you and make fun botu the whole thing.....

that one Him that one feeeeeel of  him......

like even as they laugh and the female team head even comments smthing over it.... and you ignore it and walk out with ur usual excuse of an urgent call.....

just be out and that very first sec that feeeeeeeel of him..... puts that one big smile on you and HOW !!!!!!!!!

shut yoru eyes plug into his music to feeel that moment more....

this weird thing you write the last meet and then hit delete as it feels weirder then the mind has even weirder excuse or talk of its own..... so now still writing wondering what do we call it as umm lets stick with the recent meeet cause in your mind and now as you read it after writing still feels better even be it in your mind just reading it feeels gooooood nai recent meet.....

so aaaj seee it will be recent meet only.....

sooooooooo yaaaaaah weirdly madly and all the more strangely - MADNESS I swear - sooo yahhhh in the recent meet once you sit down and all the waaay he asks you with that lil lil smile on him looking yaha waha thooo telgu seekhi ki nai.... and you tell him you can manage now.... and he starts off in telgu asking what and all and the sec you start off in telgu that one adooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable face of his the waaaaaaaaay he tries not to laugh at you and still goes on asking more in telgu.... and as you reply trying to look for charger as your fone batt was almost dying the waaay he holds you awaaaay and throws you over joo sote nai whoo jagahhh suddenly writing writing you realize how to avoid stuff in english......

and chummmiiis your face awaaay.....

liek this he did more than twice in those "recent" meets asking you to speak smthing in telgu and then that adooooooooooooooooorably listening to you and then only when he couldnt hold back his laughter any longer he would chummmi you awaaay.....

and you teel him after its still pretty bad but you manage and the waaaaaay he has your back takes your side that adooooooooooooorably and says there are many hydbadis that still dont speak fluent hindi so its not smthing thats that bad.....

its like today as you stand there after that awkward moment there was that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him like you could almost hear him feeel his touch hear him chucckle awaaay that adooooooorably.....

to him even teaching you how to spell nacharam....

like even now every time you still struggle how to spell it the right way when you need to tell some swiggy guy or mthing that one feeeeeel of him......

the waaaaaaay he would that adooooooooooooooooooooorably pout his lips awaaay making you spell it the right waaay abbb kyaaaa boltiii uskuuuuuu spelling pe kiskooo dhyaaan rehtaaaa when him pouting that adoooooorably right at your face.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa chipppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy if only YOU knew howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww only YOU are being missed i swear !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

geeeeeeeeeliest chuummmiiiiiiiiii lag jaaaaaaaanaaaaaaaaaaaa abiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The language...

it was that weirdly beautiful feeeeeeling like from not seeing any love to THAT much love......

the waaay even after you get in the waaaay he still wouldnt stop looking at you..... take the vibudhi and even before you ask the waaaaaaaaaaay he that beauuuuuuuuuutifully holds his hair away from the forehead and as you just botu to apply the waaaay he just watches you through the moment..... that one touch of his forehead that one beautiful tinkle on the fingertips..... human touch was scarier than the sight of dogs or any other animal for that matter to you !!!!!

having lived almost all your life with that and then there was the same you touch his forehead and the waaaaaay it just holds you awaaay... like it makes you wanna be that way with your finger still over his forehead and him watching you the waaaaaaay he was.....

and that one smileeeeeeee after noticing you still be that way even after applying it over his forehead and it was then do you realize thats how lost you were in him.....

it was that one small way of looking at him your finger over his forehead his face that close to you and him holding his hair awaaay with one hand and then watching you.....

it was different.....

cause youd never seen him be that way with you or like said maybe that was the first time you actually noticed it....

and only once he smileeeeeees that smile do you realize you were lost in that beauuuuuuuuuuuty of him and get your hand awaaay and just look around and the waaaaaay just seeing you that waay like you could feeel him still watching you and when you do look back dheere see that one smileeeee on him still there......

and then tries to make it better for you cause he did sense that you getting that embarrssed over the moment.... and then says his people at home will be shocked to see him that way and all.....

he was going through that bad phase that struggle of not wanting to be there and yet there he was just for you.... like even today as you relive that love of his there watching the same space at the temple that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him rushing through you......

you dint know of his love then and yet there he was actually thee for you with you...

like you remember him telling you how much he actually hated it and yet there for you and how.....

like only after moving a lil awaay form there that lost of his face after you asking him bout it makes you realize how bad he dint want to be there and yet was there for you.....

and not even for once do you see him frown over that and despite of that much discomfort bout the place and the things to do with god.... he actually lets you put the vibudhi over him...

and thinking of it now THANK GOD he did let you!!!!!!!!

nai thooo merku ye moment kaise miltaa thaaa.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa another one of those most loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved moments with him......

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tumkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu deknaaaaaaaaaa thaaaaaaaa uskuuu charlie whoo moment mein.... ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa chipppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tummmmm bhotttttttttttttttttt yaaaaaaaaaad areeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee miyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;(((((((((((((((((

to feeeeeeel the love in randomest moments... most importantly !!

like after that moment and to just be there after they were gone.... there was you now living your side of the story once theirs was done....

all through that moment like the inside this one conversation happening like asking the man to look at her instead askign the woman to feeel that moment more as she applies the vibudhi and not take it to be some random moment.... like the inside of you still trying to look for love in that moment that you lived with him then.....

who hotaaa nai kabii picture dekte dektee hero villain ko maare thoo whoo baaad villain types ko maare thooo andaar se hauuu aur maar wala inside dialogue nikal hee ataa... bas same to same aaj bhii....

when watching them taking it to be just some random moment was smthing that makes you have that talk inside look at the man feeel the love andthen live the moment get off the fone and live that moment with her.... wali weird feeeeeling....

like once they were gone that need to just be there and now live your side of your story...

that same moment lived with him there that very same place..... getting out of the temple and watching him wait for you and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay jsut seeing you come out of the temple that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeeee on him just the waaaaaaaaaaay he would smile at the sight of you..... ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa abiii yaaaaad kiyeeeeee tho this sudden neeeeed of pakad keeeeeee khaaaaaaaa jaanaaaaaaaaaaaaa bas uskuuuuuuuuu ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i sweaaaaar !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thooooo yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just the waaaaaaaay him standing there and watching you the way he was.... like the way he was looking at you actually makes you walk slow mo just soooo you could live that stare of his for longer.... like it felt that beauuuuuuutifully different... cause you were more used to him being that mad cute friend of yours constantly talking smthing.... there was him that different side of him just watching you differently smiliiiiiing very differently at you.....

like prolly the first time you had seen him looking at you the way he was.... or maybe the first you noticed it !!!!!

as you walk closer the way he just wouldnt take his eyes off you even as you get in the car and watch you gaadi ke oopar se as he gets in the car......

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa SOME visuals !!!!!!!!!!!!!1

to relive it now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELING NOW !!!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed waaay more than the previous moment bhiii.......

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay much more !!!!!!!!!!

Visual magic...!

this looooove for visuals anything at all did start with living that one beauuuuuuuuuuuty of HIM.....

just like that love or smthing for people watching too... that one most loved thing to do with him when out when from love to turning best friends through the conversation as you people watch.... and feeeling yourself looooving him all the more.... the more you felt his mind..... literally feeeeeling his mind away i say !!!!

sooooo yaa this loove for visual thing did start with living him.... when you discover that beauuuuuuty of loving and then loving someone for their lilst minute details.... even smthing like how they blink also smthing that you are in loooooooove with.... just the way he would blink...

like to live a visual like see the details feel the details read the details and as you do looove it all the more that you live the visual..... Him the one for your life !!!!!!!!!

after him it was this thing bout finding him in details of your own life.... like to find smthing of him kahi thoo kaise thoo bi just sooo you could feel him live him in his absence too... and waha see shuru huaaa this thing bout looking around like visually living the things situations people around.....

in that vague search, hope of finding him kahii tho....

today too much later through the day almost shaam mein when you finally zero it down for an indoor shoot had to now figure out the backdrop and the props to be used and stuff..... with the other tension of outfits still not ready yet !!!!

like theres the chaos part of it and then there is Him.... your ultimate peace happiness that one corner away from everything else like that one smthing of him anywhere anyhow and the waaaaaaaay it just changes transforms you awaaay.... like evrything inside outside around you suddenly that beauuuuuuutifully transformed.....

like this one visual that you lived today was def crossing awaaaaaaay all levels of magic i say.....

for that moment it toooootally did......

on your way to meet the photographer to discuss the background and all and due to the bad jam takes another road and before you know you were on the sai baba temple route..... worse jam there too.... like it takes that long to even get any closer to the temple and all that while that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him up the volume and just be.... with that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like you could feeeeel that one strong feeel of smthing through you..... too many feels in one line but thats exaactly how it was that one stretch of jam and as you get dheere dheere closer to it that feeeling growing stronger.....

what it was bout you donnoooo cause you dont pray or now even dont complain anymore..... but that one feeeeel that you could def feeeel rush through you......

as you get clsoer there was a blue car just like his skoda back then..... and there was this one lady just bout stepping out of the temple wearing white chudiar with red legging tho.... and as she walks closer to the man standing outside the car applies vidubhi over the forehead as the man was on the fone..... and just stays there looking around..... that neeed to stop the car and just be there.....

dont get out dont get in the temple cause the last time it took you a day or more to get over that vibe to stop yourself from crying....like you dint want to feel that way again.....

it was that bad of tooo much pain that youd felt.....

and you just be there still watchin the lady standing there waiting for the man to get done with the call... finally gets in the car and much after the man gets in and they leave......

that one visual and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him !!!!!!!!!!!!!

like you donnooo how to write out explain or define out what and HOW that one moment that one visual made you feel like.....

like that sec after get on whatsapp and unblock him....

there have been many a times youve done this before but mostly it has been bout the dream or the waay his presence made you feel like there always was a reason some reason that made you do so....

but today that moment you donnooo why you just had to do it.... you still donnooo why you did it and what for !!!!!!!!!!

but that one strong feeeeeeeeeel of him like it was smthing else.....

it was that beautiful blankness as you lived that visual of that man and woman like all through that you couldnt even hear his music no sound nothing at al....

just that one strong feeeeeeeeel of him rushing through you !!!!!!!!!!

like you just donnooooooooooooooooo what it was bout again smthing like youve never felt before..... just that one feeeeeeel of right doing the wrong done...

again one of those things that dint make any sense when you did that and now it still dosnt !!

out n out !!

exaaaaaactly why writig here did feel that out n out kinds when you get some random comment thanfully wont be posted without approval !!

like now you know why writng here did feel that out n out and there that one kona of yours where you could just beeeeeee at !!

now when you see it and it makes you rethink for a sec if to write or not to write and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of the moment !!!!!!!!!

when a MOMENT like that one strikes howwwwww could you not write it out i say.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this only beauty of some days i swear....

kon kehtaaa hai magic ni hotaaaa kon kehtaaa hai its sirf for the books or the movies... ab shudh hindi ka upyog hogaaa if you manage to write how the hindi sounds in your head that is....

sooo yaaaaah how like howwww can you not write a moment like that one.....

no matter how out n out it feels but that neeeed to scream awaaay that one happy smthing screaaam away just by letting it out of you....

just cause thats the strongest youve felt him in the recent times...

like strongesssssst !!!!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Youuuuuuuuuuuu beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful lil big cutieeeeeeeee i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU were missed waaaaaay more than any miss you;s could possibly say it out !!!!!!!!!!

totaaaaaly your day it was agian...

One glimpse of Him...

even thinking of it now again how beautiful it really was.....

cause in your mind it was him that you were living there for real.... and not just in the dream !!

to jsut see someone random and then live him actually those few mins of living him and that khushiiii it fills you up with.....

to think of it now how just that one slightest glimpse of his made you realize now reliving that moment as you write makes you realize how much you miss him......

slightest of him made you that happpppy, how much you actually miss all of Him...

and how just for those few mins happiest you were cause in your mind it was Him that real there.....

just Him...!

The now....

wearing his hippie t shirt a few days back after some dream living him in now telgu songs that you cant even make sense of liivng him in dreams that you cant make sense of..... through the day random most moment location hunting finding him again in sunsets having lived the same one back then with him at the stadium place when you found that beauuuuuuutiful comfort in and with his presence for the first time.....

that actually made you feel that beautiful sense of togetherness.... when you discover what and hows it to feel that way for the first time.....

to on your way back home when all your way this one cement truck all along with you beside and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeel i swear.....

first chummmiii wait and how and the waaaaaaaaay that one adoooooooooorable chuckle of his just watching you with you pouting away waiting for that chummi.....

when you live and find him in moments like these and that feeeeeeeeel after.....

home drunk and missing high all the more and howwwwwwwwwwwww you actually managed to stay awaay fromw riing that missin out just sooo you dont end up writing what you shouldnt be writing open here.....

to that another feeeeeeel of his presence that one touch of his presence and the waaaaay it shakes and wakes you up....

its like all of this is LIFE your world now......

that one moment when you wake up from that dream of his like THAT close to unblocking him cause of the waaaaay it makes you feel and that one question to the self just when you were bout to - WHY !!!!!!!!

why do smthing when its the exact opp smthing that someone wants out of you for real.....

its this beautiful mix of smthing you feel charlie specially after waking up from living him in that way...... to just hear him that way say the things he does.....

and that same need to wear smhing of his and just do what said take a pic and put it up.....

without even unblocking.....

smthings again beyond logic or sense.....

def the baddest one with the hair looking even worse but that one most beauuuuuuutiful thing bout it you were wearing his love on you...

its also in moments and with moments and dreams like these the now feels way much more better than what it actually is...

it sort of fills up all those loop holes of your actual story now....

THAT much love i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like you blink through the day feeeeeeeling him the more with it.....

and when you wake up after feeeling him the waaay you did hours back and then couldnt write it clear that neeed to head out for a walk just soo you could be fully up and able to write it out.....

again one of those things that dosnt make any sense but what and how it makes you feel is smthing you alone know of......

sharing you with you...

that THAT one love of his !!!!!!!!!!!!

this one thing that he absolutely loooved and HOW !!!!!!!

like mostly after lliivng some moment with you the waaay he would just be after.....

his music playing and just that one expression on him and that one wait in you knowing his beautiful mind was trippin on smthing.......

just that one xpression face of his ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT ONE BEAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the waaaay he loved sharing you with you after moments when his mind that beautfully high on love like yours.....

him reliving your presence with him from the very start and then sharing it with you telling you bout how much he missed you but always knew youll be with him only.... like he was always that sure of it right from the very start.....

and that meet too with you he shares it with you..... when he sees you for the first time after using his headfones his raybans on you.... like it made him that happy and also made him wish for the first time  to see his t shirt on you to see you wear his stuff whilst watching you in his raybans....

just the waaay he looks around sleeping over your lap and talks bout the moment saying karely i never felt that way for anyone before.... to just see you in my rayban which i dont share it with anyone but wanted to see em on you and then when i did i actually wanted you to see you in my stuff in my clothes too.... like watch you wear my stuff !!

its that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of some moments charlie even writing it now as you relive it this one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling LUCKIEST IN THE WORLD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its moments memories like these that sort of fill up everything else in your life...

and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to hear an i love you is one thing and then to feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel a love like this as you just watch him say it to you the waaaaaaaaaay he was.... beyond words and worlds i say !!!!

waaaaaaaaay beyond......

like you could seeeeeeeeee that love of his for you even as the way he just talks bout the moment bout the feeeeel of the moment that he felt then just by watching you wear use smthing of his......

like it actually makes you miss that moment of realizing he already was in love with you...... like it actually makes you wanna kick yourself for not realizing it then.....

whoo hota nai some moment you missed out on and you actually liivng him his love for you then made you miss that moment all the more.......

and everytime he would talk bout smthing you just be liivng that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him but there were also moments when he would say smthing like this and it only made you wanna interrupt him and chummiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii that complete face of his awaaaaay wih him still talking.......

SMTHINGS the more you wanna skip writing the more you wanna write too !!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu beauuuuuuuutiful lil big momooo i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kyaaaaaaaa kiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his first iphone...

this weird feeeeeeeling aaj kal.....

like theres that diff when you just live a moment it fills you up with more of him but thi sthing whn you actually sit down to write that same moment.....

the waay it zones you out with that sudden ting of the difference of back then to the now.....

extremes.....

its like you are off n away for a bit still writing......

that weird realization of almost like a time major time difference....

whoo hota nai stone age to this age wala difference that kinda extreme...

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay he just wanted to be with you have you around !!!!!!!!!!!

like making the most of your presence.......

liivng you loooooooooooooving you away with it !!!!!!!!!!!

it was those almost days away from love days.....

also hsi first ever iphone hunt that he takes youa long with.....

one store to the other croma to this one other store.... and out from there and yet he couldnt find the iphone..... and walking upto this other store just a few steps away that he takes you along wit..... soon as you step out waay too sunny and he gives you his raybans to wear... you tell him you dint need them as you werent used to wearing them which you still arent.....

and yet he insists asking you to try them on ateast as he wanted to see you in em.... just for the sake of seeing you in them.....

as you put em on and try towalk around with him still looking at you that adoooooooooooooooooooooorably and then randomly talking smthing just looking at you......

and you couldnt see a thing almost most importantly couldnt see him clear and you tell him actually directly you dint want to wear em as you couldnt see him and he asks what or smthing like that one surprised tone to what you just said and you tell him not jus him you couldnt see a thing around not the sky not the road nothing at all and it was almost that blinding or power chashma wali feeeling and the waaaaaaay that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooorable chuckle of his saying yaa you also are walking that waaay.....

and yet insists you wearing em and do as said.... where actually kuch biii ni dikraa thaa charlie rasta bii nai..... like it was that double road wali feeeling as you strugled to walk on and still feeels the same when it comes walking with shades on.....

and that one question constant in you that day..... and you finally ask him why did he want you along when you had no absolute idea bout fones excelt for how they look n all like the color part of the fones is all you knew.... and that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeee of his that you coudlnt see clear as he just stops walking and jst looks at you and you finally take it off cause you dint want to miss the waaaaaaaaay he was looking at you to  think of it now you dint wantt to miss that one moment of living him as you couldnt see a thing clear through them......

and the waay he says he was making most of your presence before you get engaged making sure he has you around.....

like he used to do this that often then like anything he would say and then add that one line of surity of his like him being that sure that you will be with him.....

and that one chuckle of his after saying smthing like that saying he was making sure he changes your mind......

and that moment you stilll dont get it only afer you reach home do you realize what he said then....

and he actually just by your face knew you dint get what he said only a few hours after you are home he actually msgs you asking the same if you did get what he said outsde the store....

couldnt reply a thing obvsly !!!!!!!!!!

it was that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of those moments the waaaaaaaaaaay he was always ALWAYS that sure you will be with him.... it will be Him bolke....

HAD to be Him...!

randomness to madness i say!!

those few mins of soome  random someone that fills you up with THAT much him....

its like ekdum seee you realize how much HOW MUCH you miss living him......

like some random guys side profile that you could barely see through the window and it makes you live him like you are actually sitting there living the him from back then just the sameeeeeee exactly the same that you were used to liiving looooooooooooving in that very moment the same waaay....

itttaaaaa ki just watching watching living him was making you smile to making you feel happpy cause for those few mins you actually were living him like that someone random was just him there....

THAT real !!!!!!!

to after a moment like that one you sure knew you wont be able to get back to work mode.....

and instead of the workshop you just decide to be somewheer and just be for a bit......

not being able to decide to go where you keep asking the driver right left right left.....

and that one call and you had to rush to the shoot location that the photographer was at for some indoor shoot discussion.....

some shoot was on and you sit a lil far off and being too sunny put your rayban on and this one coffee guy a lil far off get off n walk up there and that one same feeeeeeeeeel with shades on and that moment there him out of nowhere again and HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!

moments like these are just life.....

its like you are strugglign to get on with your day as it is and that one himmmmm that one feeeeeeeeel of him out of nowhere with another memory rush right there beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty beyond the words of the world i say !!!!!!!!!!!

also when you realize how youve actually lived him back then in those lilst of moments how just any other moment bhiii he did fill up with that THAT much of him !!!!!!!!!!

slightest of him...

when you start your day with that much him already to that feeeeel when you get ready and everytime actually look at yourself all the more cause everytime you doo you take a look and that feeeeeel of his words that beauuuuuuuuuuutiful echo of his voice cute dikhri pink mein....

as mad strange weird nonsense as it sounds its just the feeeeeeeeeels nothing else but just the feeeeeeeels i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like all the morning that need to look at yourself again n again with hair getting lilst of better like it still is not cured completely you dint look or feel best but that one himmmmmm i sayyyyyyyyyy ringing rushing through you the more you look at yourself the more that one feeeeeel i say cute dikri pink mein......

is when you nothing else really mattered like always.....

just that beauuuuuuutiful echo of his voice......

again why what or how dint make sense but just that feeeel that stayed with you !!

is also why this shade of pink did become his another color on you...

whooo hota nai when youve lived that THAT much missing side of him that that slightest bit of him in anyway makes that big of a difference...... again smthings you just cant really define or write out in words.... jus the waaaaaay it does make that big of difference....

slightest of him bhii and what better way than actuallly living that side of your reality for real today in that one random moment.....

as you wait for the jam to get clear on your way to the other location and this one suv beside and through the window you see that one side face of some guy on the bike..... hair like his those adooooooooooooooooorable curls of his from back then and that one side stick or whatever its called of his rayban from back then.... like that slightest side of someone just cause of the hair makes you feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like its him there like even as you look at that slightest of someone through that window it was like you were living that moment of living him as he drives wearig his much loved raybans that stick over his ear and his adoooooooooorable curls.... like just that side of him was all you could seee today through that window of the suv like that one random someone becomes him for those 10-12 mins like it was that bad of a jam but for you again it becomes your world for those few mins cause in your already misseeeeeeeeing high mind it wasnt someone random but there was him thats all you could seeee feeeeeeel liveeeeeeeeeee and looooooooooooveeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauty of those hours i swear to just lose yourself in all him !!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee writng writing nowwwwwwww how onlyyyyyy YOU were missed abiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiii i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifullllest in th world i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOST BEAUUUUUUUUUUTIFULLEST  ass but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

some sounds...!

music truly has no language and so does emotion affection love call it whatever feeeeels for that matter def dont see language or logic....

like if you gotttaa feeeeel smthing you dont really need to understand or connect a logic to what you just felt..... its just bout how and what it made you feeeeeel like in that very moment...

exactly what this one song did to you......

apart from the obvious words like sangeetham, kanu smthing akasham like these are the only words that you could make sense of in the song but that one tinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg it tinged you awaaay with i swear.....

this one song that you heard on your way to the shoot location hunt on the radio with his music still playing this one sound and the waaay it goes ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa just HIM i saaaaaay......

like there was him already rushing through you with his music playing and then there was the sound of this sound ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa double zillionth the speed of misseeeeing i say...

like ekdum seeeeeeee there was that THAT much rush of him rushing through you with the song playing......

like that one sound and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of everything to anything him !!!!!!!!!

like after that song you all of you that beautifully lost in all of him i say.... like after that moment you couldnt get your mind back to work like kuch bhi karlooo just him i say........

even last nite just the song playing out in your place and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him.....

SMTHING ELSE !!!!!!!

its like some sounds just make you feel much much more than just some music playing.... its that beautiful pull of smthing that you feel it in you like you dont really need to understand the logic the words of the song but just the feeeeeeeels..... like the waaaaaaay it was growing on you made you literally google the GOOGLE out of google just so you could find the meaning of the song.... fail every attempt.....

finally be with what and HOW it was making you feel......

like this one sound THAT much of him.......

smthings stranger by the day i say !!!!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaaaay these random things out of nowhere make you feel just that beauuuuutiful state it leaves you in.....

beyond the logics and the words of the world i say...

wake upppp!!

when you literally wake yourself upp just sooo you dont end up writing drunk post awaaay knowing the kinda stuffff you end up writing wehn high missing drunk.....

and this being very almost out there you just wanted to be that extra careful and after waking up and howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww from that lil drunk nap that one struggle to wake up yourself just soooo you dont write awaaay the drunk misseeing away.....

another one of those days when the lilst of random smthing fills  up awaaaaaaaaaaay that THAT much Him...

this beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of some days when the start itself was like that to getting ready with his recent color that he had liked on you pink....

again a color which you actually thought looked the least good on you that was again until he says you looked cute in that color.....

ever since then whoooo hotaaa nai ab ab rare to rarest hota jaara to hear smthing like this from him and now thooo to even hear ANYTHING at all from him......

soooooooo yahhh when you get that chance of hearing smthing like that from him howwwwwww only it becomes you everything in that color kinda fav color now......

and today when the start getting to into that colored kurti to getting dressed with that sound of his voice with text from his msg ringing rushing through you !!!!!!!!!!

and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

then the moments through the day mind with toooooooooo much him like no matter where you look there he is and that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of some sounds living away moments like those - DAY MADE i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and knowwwwwing its sooo out n out here a missssssssssssssssssing like this one def needs a save away i say !!!!!!!!

might just miiiiiiiiiiiight end up deleting away tomo but today this moment especially now after the waking up tooooooooo ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa saving it away writing it awaaay thooo bantaaaaaaaa haiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwwwwww only just that one face that one lilst of him bhiii becomes LIFE i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!

lillllllllllllll did you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww that one face that one him and THIS is howwwwwwwwwwwwwww youlll be missing him and THIS MUCH !!!!!!!!!!!

Way of love...

its like this stretch of living his love for you through those streets....

like now everytime its bout heading to charmminar smtines for reason and mostly for no reason at all with smthing as lil as to get the stock of random lace or buttons i say.....

like the slightest that you dont even need to head out yourself to get but still you do....

like just a reason just sooo you could live that love of his for you through those streets...

like that one journey that one "way" of love...

in the literal sense of the word i say !!

that one waaay.......

and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

from your gallis to his and then living him in every corner that you could possibly see and living him and looooving him in those corners.... its like as you go through theer are those versions of his love too in those corners and the more you lived his corners in his corners of the place the more you loooooooooooooooved him....

each and every side of his each and every side of his love living him loooooving all of him awaaay the more you lived him......

its like through that stretch of gallis and the road to the charminar after his gallis like youa re that completely lost in all of him.....

like by the time you reach there always that beautifully blank....

cause physically you did manage to reach there but all of you stayed back there in those corners of his galli still reliving him there reliving his love for you reliving those versions beauuuuuuuuuuutiful versions there.....

like just one lil side of you managed to reach and hence that blank and lost once reached charminar its that one almost experience sort of thing......

liek smthing you cant possibly write out but that feeeeeeeeel that you gottaa feeel to know what and HOW it feels like...

and today thoo with the rains it was all that much more magical...

maybe could be cause those very places those very moments lived with him were the almost waays that you missed to live with him in the rains....

like to just live his presence in the rains...

to that bird moment in the rains.....

is when you also realize there is no one thing that you miss bout him its not his chummis that you just miss its not just his touch that you miss its not that beauty of hiding away in him that you just miss like theres no one thing that you miss bout him.... but those lilst of details of his be it to just live that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him doorse like steps away and then to watch him transform into that human bird form iwas also smthing that you missed the most.....

to just watch him live the beauty of the skies you miss him for.....

like theres no one thing that you just miss but those very lilst of corners of his each n every side of his part of his version of his that you miss......

not just one thing...

and this feeeeeeel  now as it drizzles some more his music playing and THIS much him still rushing through you it truly is the "way" of love....

that one experience today to live that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of those gallis with the rains n his music.....

SMTHING else !!!!!!!

nothing less than pure magic i say...

Never the question, as its the only answer...

its thing charlie bout too much pain too much suffering.....

like the very obvious natural thing is that it makes you wonder then why ?!

but this very natural logic or call it whatever never really mattered or was a question to be thought or logically wondered oover.....

why as HIM has always been the answer....

what how and the waaaaaaays youve lived loved and even most importantly loved by him has always been the only reason answer and whatever possible it could be......

and this you feeeeeeeeeel liveee in moments like these....

when the random bird watching today thankfully for the few 15-20 mins long jam right there in the bird spot today.....

and the waaaaaaay it allows you live him in the most beauuuuuuuuuuuutiful and looooved ways.....

like having lived him a zillion times that very same way and all of those waaays playing through you as you just be up the volume o fhis music and just relive him in each in every bird that flies by that close to you....

the rains the birds the blue skies his music and the HIM rushing through you......

in his human bird gorgeous form i swear !!!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaay he used to that slow lift his arms wide open raise his chin slightly and look up and you living your world away in that one moment and hoping wishing why arent the security checks for longer i say......

just soooo you could live him loooooooooove him adooooooooooooooooooooooooooore him for longer in that form too.....

its not how many years its been its bout how many times youve that strongly lived him that way and the impact of it each time stayed with you and HOW !!!!!!!!!!

same goes with love too its not bout how lil of his presence for real that youve lived but how long and strong his love stayed with you for......

makes all the difference.....

his love for life would still be too lil of a time or a statement or conclusion to write or mention i say.....

as you live it in secs with every blink every breath you take...

all that counts, all that makes the difference and exactly why has always been the only answer without even a question... 

The rains = the Him...

this thing bout and with rains i swear !!!!!!!!!!!

be it the irony or the magic but no matter what it is that one thing standard i say - HIM !!!!!!!

from that one galli of his in your fav galli to just lving the rains through his ghar wali galli.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa gallis youve lived looooooooved adooooooooored him the most....

through n through one galli after the other and that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him in every corner and to live all o fthis to the sound of his music with THAT much him rushing through you - purest form of magic i say......

his school his bachpan to his ghar wali galli living his love for you to that reliance wali galli living both his love and that first meet after bup.......

its like living versions of his love for you through n through and HOW !!!!!!!!!

to almost charminar it was and this one lane that was overtly filled with pigeons and different kinds of birds and everyone looking aorund amazed again felt like it was smthing that never happened before.... like they weer seeing it was equally surprising as you were....

cause that was def the hugest amount of birds in one place who bhii that youve ever seen.....

and that was one EXPERIENCE i swear....

why ?!

cause in those many birds you saw that many him liivng those many times that one most looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooved adoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored thing bout him.....

another one of those actually as there are waaaaaaay tooo many things bout him that you loooooooooooved liiiiiiiiived and adoooooooooooooooooored !!!!!!!!!!!

that one human bird form of his....

every time at the security check lifting his arms wide open in the air and then looking up a bit slighest raise in his chin and that one moment hooooooooooooooooooow you looked forward to......

also the reason why every single time just close to the security chck you alwasy used to walk a lil behind just soooo you could live that moment.....

watching him look that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful in his human bird form.....

arms wide open in the air chin slightly raised ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one sight i swear !!!!!!!!!

sight of loooooooooooooooooove !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

today windwos down still raining to watch live those birds fly yaha waaha all aorund and over you and whoo bhi THAT many was living him to  the fullest......

it was like always see smthing and that one touch of his off and awaaaaaaaaaay you fly andgooooo to everything him.....

its like you are living one visual of th ebirds flying around but in you there is that beautiful flight of your own.....

off n awaaaay to him......

Magic of visuals...

sooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!

back to the day days away from the shoot and this sudden fail in one design like major epic fail and you had to rush to get it fixed...... could have been done anywhere in the city wale fabric stores too but as you look out and that beauuuuuuuty of the sky today like you could just see feeel the magic in the air.... just by looking nd smelling it !!!!!

and that very first ting i say charminar it had to be at !!!!!

like it looked like those beauutiful monsoon skies.....

and just bout head out through the galli of your house and it starts to rain dheere dheere as you head to your MOST loved galli the waaay it just gets that mad n bad.....

big biiiig drops and that one feeeeeeeel of the rains....

his music playing and from one track to the other and it again magically switches to this one track that you listen to after really long....

it was a chill track of his and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it makes you feeeeel him all tehe more.....

like that one track on loop for a bit and that feeeeeel of him.... through your galli and with much jam the car just stays longer before this one street and through the drops as barely as you could manage to look through that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of living him there today even as you just look at the street through those big big rain drops on the window...

that one random sudden plan of his jsut cause he wanted to spend time with you late in the veening takes you on a walk and talking talking you almost reach the other end of the street and then realize aishaa you walked that long.... on your way back home he jsut looks at this one street on the opp side and holds your hand and takes you there.... cause it was that suden wonder of his to jjust knowww where that street would take you.....

and it was to a park that you had no absolute idea existed there.... a lil park that beuatiful !!

like he jsut checks out the park and withs ome talk bout how you had no idea there was a park toooo.... and from there takes you back on the main street and you that lost in him and that one smileeeeeeeeeeeee of his that one kid adooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorable kid smile of his....

aise heee jsut soo terku yaha waka leke ghuma saku..... like all he wanted was to just be longer with you your hand in his and just live your presence with him....

that one random walk that evening to this one today as you see that street after that long like and whoo bii of all the days today it had to be... rigth when it was raining that beuatifully mad and of all the jams the jam had be exactly there.....

right outside that very street....

him wanting to live your presence wanting you to be with him for longer, your hand in his...

this thing this magical bout writing just when writing the last few things that weiiird feeeeeling it fills you up like it literaly makes you get off and just be in your place for just a bit and that very sec after smtime starts to drizzle awaaay.....

and that rush to write thsi one magical rain day today !!!!!!!!

like one of those days again that beautifully just made for you...

Acceptance or the fear !!

to think of it now as you write it out actually its that sense of being unsure....

if its the acceptance or the fear actually of being able to go through the same thing all over again.....

like this time you did survive through even through the worst mental state that you were in.....

and that fear of not wanting to go through it again and now seeing it more than often now like you tend to fear that again..... and that need to stay away from feeling it again.....

like you could do with this no talk of his with this absence of his but that same feeeeel of being pushed away again by him.... you cant anymore !!

ab nai hotaaa charlie.....

just cant !!!!!!!!

maybe then its not the acceptance as much as it is the fear of feeing the same thing again....

from wheer to where again it went i say.....

exactly why you stay away from writing this state of mind like the waaay you did feel last few nites watching it rain and feeling it again, another rain it is another same wait it was......

Surviving and HOW !!

just when this block did strike again when you least last expected it to you think how will you even survive through it this time !!!!!!!

cause trust me charlie of the many that youve experienced through these years this one was the worst one to get over or overcome !!!!!

lands you in the worst state ever, the second time in life... same reason, the walking away.....

when you think how would you even survive and then suddenly realize its been one year now.......

how did he, he actually did and pretty easy the way it feels now....

its like realizations like these are like seeing your place right in the eye face to face kinda situation like that clear !!!!!!

and the after feels of it !!!!!!!

and then there is you this one foooolest of fools i say like for sure there is no such bigger a fool than you on the afce and everything of this or any other planet i say.....

the dreams the moments his presence that you live even for a sec with eyes shut and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it makes you feel in the moment and there you rush and go with it and unblock him away making it al the more confusing and worse for him....

cause its the opp of what and how he wnants it to be.....

to just let him be...... making it easier for him and not going with what all you feel !!!!!!!

like this time will be a full complete effort and taking all of what you feel to be just your mind acting selfish.....

to just be with what you have of him and to see feel live what you have of him was today that one beautifully magical day i swear !!!!!!!!

this is where you feeel the him from then feeel his love in moments random moments just with the sound of his music.....

this is what you have......

and that him that you had unblocked there is different...... very !!

to not run more chase no more to not wait no more.....

and to just accept it all.....

its weird charlie this one lil heart i say looks small in the smallest corner of you but can have that one massive impact on all of you i say !!!!!

this one lil organ that lives through you !!!!!!!!!

does it all i say... 

To just go with the feeels !!

it was that weird feeeeeling like going back to the same time reliving that wait and then suddenly realizing one year just went by......

like there was that still wait there maybe after a month or two he'll unblock you again and waise waise just like that one complete year went by.....

and that feeeeeeel ekdum seee aishaaaa it was that easy for him like he actually went by one full pooora year having you blocked where you cant survive without even just one single week with blocking him.....

like that clearly shows thats how strongly he wanted you to be put away !!!!!!!

its that thing bout loving someone charlie like you go with the changes the ups the downs the highs and the lows and with all of it still love them all of them with all of you.....

and this one thing will always be there but there is also this thing bout accepting this change now....

your that love and this love......

to love him anyway with all of him and love him with all of you is one thing that will be with you for life..... but its thing bout accepting the difference also now....

like this time will definitely put in all of your effort to make sure to not go low and unblock him.... cause maybe doing so you are only making it worse for him.... like ye lagta kabi charlie there was this one chat that he did mention if he was seeing someone he wouldnt have you unblocked and still msging you.... and maybe now he is and hence the block that need to keep you away !!!!

whooo hota nai charlie actual recipe maloom samjho biryani banate banate pulao ban jaati that same thing.....

when you are not sure wondering bout wht could have possibly made him block you for the longest ever and the possible reasons outcomes not wanting to bhi play through you for nonsense no reason at all ...... in situations with that self ponder strikes !!!!!!!!

mein karti thi kya aisaaa imagine just a days down and that one restless feeeeeeling keeps striking back and how !!!!!!

The only constant......

its not just bout this one year of constant block..... its bout these years of block.... like that need to keep you off n away !!

like this one constant thing to keep you off.....

and as many times as youve written felt bout it there is always that smthing again that pulls you back and HOW !!!!!

but like this one year of constant block and that one feeeeel every now n then....

like whoo hota nai charlie smthing or some situation that you really cant make sense of you tend to put yourself in that place n wonder what if you had to do smthing like that would you be able to....

like pooora ka pooora put yourself in his place and situation and then think from how you would react or wnat to be as..... and that one answer no matter what when youve felt or thought this way bout this whole thing you could never really go beyond a week leave alone a complete year of blocking him.....

no reason no justification, just cant couldnt have ever.....

his still maybe valid but this one thing merese thoo nai hota thaa.....

and if he could that easy like THAT easy go the complete year with it clearly says it a zillionth time and more bout your presence......

when the places around you have changed this much in the last few months alone then thoo people changing is that obvious and smthing you have no control over....

but what you can control is how you react or accept things...

like the song playing you living the rains with the him rushing playing through you with that one same wish for years monsoons now......

two people the him then that loved you all of you and the him now that scared confused doubtful of to accept that he does...

The two people !!

some sounds again do this to you !!!!!!!!!

like they just leave you with the hardest and the loudest ting of all !!!!!!

like the strongest ting ever to be tinged kinda ting i say.....

this feeeeel of the rains last few nites jaise shaam hote hote that beauuuutiful hue of monsoon in the air like you can see it feeel it smell it in the air and raat hote hote the waaay it starts to rain.....

and smthings no matter how many times how many yeaaaaars youve felt lived it for they just never get repetitive to feel all over again... that one feeel of the many feeeels is baarish and with every drop of baarish that one feeeeeel of him that one wish of yours from the many....

its like the onset of baarish that very first drop of it and all of HIM that very sec you see feel touch smell it in the air..... as if though its not the baarish but HIM !!!!!

smthings you just cant help but feeeeeeeeeel......

this one thing logic feel call it whatever that comes with the rain every single time for years now...

and just a day back this one beauty of his lucky ali song as you just be listening to his lucky ali playlist living that one same wish running at the back of your mind watching the rains and the thunder in your place..... the waaaay the sky was lit with that beauty to the sound of thundering cloud hugs.... all of this beauuuuuuuuuty with HIM playing rushing through you to the sound of his lucky ali and pretty much all of his music on loop...

until this one song tum ho wohi......

gum ho kahi......

its like it just rings that loudest ting like said the sec you hear it.....

the two people in your mind that you are living the him then and the him now...

its that stark contrast between the two the him then that loved accepted wanted lived the all of you back then.... without even the slightest doubt or the pushing away !!!!!!

like all he knew was to live love and accept you the way you are and most importantly was that darn proud of you when you were nothing and that DUMB !!!!!!!

still proud..... still loved !!!!!!!

and this one has reasons for the push and with that comes the doubt of your presence if to have or not to have cause obvsly as him having told you his people might not like him having you around in anyway...... and hence the block that he maintains to keep you away !!!!!

or some other reason.....

its that thing charlie when you are kinda unsure your mind automatically finds looks and then finds some reason to be withheld for the thing that you are unsure of.... and when you are sure with all of yourself bout smthing anything in life come what may nothing else really matters......

cause you are that damn bad sure bout smthing in life and thats the only thing that stands and matters......

and strangely that one feel like having him still unblocked strangely felt like that still wait.... which you arent anymore !!

cause you know and prolly need to understand and make peace with time about this difference which you have numerous times did think or write bout..... but that  thing of making peace with it somehow never really happened that one acceptance never really happened.... and maybe why its your mind that still feels like dreams like he made you unblock by shaking you up holding you up moving you with smthing or the other......

it was that weird feeeeling with the song.....

the waay it makes you feel through the song its not the him from then that loved you and was proud to have you in his life !!!!!!!!!

smthings are just beyond you...

you were almost slipping into the nap and with that moment with that touch of him that you just feel the waaaaaaaaaaaay it just gives you that fly vibe like you are floating in the air with that feeeeel of him watching that bike move slow just beside.....

like it was him there in that moment.....

mind that hazy sleepy and then living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of th emoment with that feeeeel of him touch of him on your fingertips and all of this to the beauty of his music...

there was that beauuuuuuuuuty charlie....

the moment already that slow due to th ebad jam but it like creates almost magic like moment just for you...

in the middle of nowhere with that touch of his....

like the bike moving the whoever on the bike all of that becomes that beauuuuuuuuuutifully him.....

like just livin that moment with that feeeeeeeeel of him on your fingertips like you almost touched him felt him.....

how what or why - just beyond you.....

like you feeeeeeeeel that sense of flight that beauuuuuuuuutifully like his music adding that complete sense of magic to the moment....

like it just does smthing and the more you live the more you feeeeel that beautiful lostness one of those moments again you cant possibly write out what or how it made you feel like.....

that sleepy hazy high on him !!!!!!!!!!!!!

all of these days his dreams moments you lived that THAT much f him and that struggle to not write out cause it could only lead to making this feeeeel all the more worse just recalling the same time same wait..... and then there was this sound today that made you feeeeeeeeeel that much him....

like you def lived that sound with him....

like that one thing for sure and when the guy says it was some playlist from really long back and you ask how long the guy mentions it must be 2009 or 10.....

that one confirmation it was one of those tracks with him - DEF !!!!!!!!

its the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just moves you like you feeeeeeeel HIM that strongly through you like you know some sound and youve lived him THAT much to and with it.....

with that feeeeeeeel of how could you possibly go wrong on not knowing how and what it made you feel like to live him with that sound of the song....

like you could just feeeeeel him through you !!!!!!!!!

to just know it was from back then like you know adding some sense to your madness kind.....

again nonsense only but to you alone means the world !!!!!!

that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of some sounds and then to live him or it was def the other way round.... to live him with some sound playing and how it used to become  that one backround score to what living him feeeels like.....

smthings i swear !!!!!!!!!!!

music, his music truly your ultimate oxygen i saaayyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!

when you feel the fly just when you are bout to sleep...

some memories like you can just gooooooooooo on writing bout.....

from that start of the infection chat to just knowwww how badly he wanted to see you with your hair open....

no wonder everytime even before living a moment with you the waaaay he would always take that clip off your hair.....

like that one thing always the first....

and then watch you for a bit with that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee on him....... like just be liivng your presence that way say nothing do nothing just be wtahcing you that way.....

and that khushiiiiiiiiii on him !!!!!!!!!!

like he did mention the same many a times how to just wtching your ponytail sway as you did some side crunches or smthing on that machine the waay moving it in the air alwasy made him want to take that hair tie off and just see your hair as it is....

someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee moments shouldnt have relived only now THIS FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELING now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

from salon to the derma and as you visit she mentions bout the damage and that lead to infectin and will take 2-3 weeks to get back to normal with some medicated shampoo and stuff.....

like to even see that infection was weird as your hair looked weird for the first time.....

and felt even worse.....

but there was beauuuuuuuuuuuty even in that tooooo.....

cause it fataaaaaaak se toook you back to the initial first him...

smthings i sweaaaaar !!!!!!!!!!

on your way back this one poster of simbaa and that feeeeeeeeel of the dream.....

that very moment a bullet passes by even if that wasnt weird enough the person on th ebike wearing that same blue n red stripe tee of his.....

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa of all the moments of all the bikes of all the tees of all the times it had to be tabiiiii k tabiiiiiiii like all at once in one moment.....

like you had your head low resting almost slipping into a nap and that one sight of the poster to watching that bike move slow just beside your car and to just seeee that teeee shirt of his.....

like it gives that one tingle on the fingertips having felt him a zillionnnnnnnnnn times in that same one...... its that beauuuuuuuutiful sense of touch that comes with smthings !!!!!!!

its like youve lived him that touch of the fabric you knoowwwwwww the feeeeeel of him as you hold him over that tee of his.....

like as strange as it feeeel swriting it here which you know you shouldnt be as its qute out there unlike your previous almost hideout types....

but whooo hotaaaaa naiiiiiii that strong feeeeel to just write it out.....

cause it gave you that feeeeeeeel every single time you see that tee anywhere that feeeeeeeeel of him on your fingertips like you almost touched him.....

held him....

every single time you see that tee anywhere !!!!!!

like you just touched him...

chain of moments !!

its like you live him through the day but smtimes it this chain of moments that comes one after the other and hits you strong and HOW !!!!!

like his music one and only constant through and with you...

like no matter where you are what you are doing like that one constant plugging into him with one ear on and the other keeping a check smtimes on the work going....

and that one moment as you type derma in hyd and looking for that one specific name that one smileeeeeeeeeeee not just on you for sure but also when the all of you on the inside was smiiiiiling away to happiness cause you felt him....

back then when he asks you why dont you ever let your hair open and you debate bout how could you possibly workout with hair open and that it wasnt the place to be that way... and why he was asking anyway all that nonsense quetions you come up with....

cause again you had no ideaaaaaaaaaaa he already was in love with you !!!!

and then asks again why dont you like forcefully this beauty to think of it now charlie...

like he always sort of that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully owned you....

even right from the start....

the waaaaaay even as just your best friend or friend for those initial days the waaaaaay he always would be this way like he owned you liek he just could be that way with you talk that way with you insist on smthing with you.....

and he would more than often in almost every converstaion.....

insist on smthing or the other !!!!!!

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa cutieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee i sweaaaaar !!!!!!!!!!

so yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

and you finally tell him it was cause of your skin as it wasnt right and covering or having hair open could worsen it.... and as you were just days away from gettin engaged you were looking for some good specialist who could help you out....

and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he just smileeeeeeees over it....

saying there is this one lady at karkhaana who is good but he wasnt recommending cause you were getting married and needed it for that but just so it would let you leave your hair open he was doing that.....

and you foool joke it away saying some lame joke bout how karkhaana was a weird name for a specialist to be at as it must be just for cars or some thing even more lame that was.....

and he just nods away saying is it ok if he dosnt laugh over the lame one and you tell him you were tooo good at those or mthing and that one adoooooooooooooooooooooooooorable face !!!!!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he says smtimes he feels like pulling your cheeks away like they do with kids as he loved chubby girls..... and times when you say smthing that lame it makes him wanna do that.....

and that was the time when you felt weird like in a beautiful way jsut cause of the way he says it and just bes watching you.......

like wondering if it really was in a kid way or smthing....

just cause of the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay h elooks at you !!!!!!!!!

and then says will share details and shares the number that first msg of his muhahahahahah guess who right there infornt of you and types it away and sends it and as you see his msg and laugh away.... him watching you that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully !!!!!!!!!!

it was only mucg after in love he shares that very same moment with you - saying how he felt watching you read his first ever text t oyou standing right there infront of you......

like to just see how that one random msg of his made you that happy cause trust me charlie was trangely laughing away or smiling away on the inside even much after.....

it just made you that happy for no reason at all or now thinking of it with reason did make you happy......

it was the start of him !!!!!!!!!!!!

happy and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

cant be love if its not madness i say !!

love they say is beautiful like all things good bad and beautiful.... but its a completely different thing or level when it reaches that absurd madness when you find looooooove even in the discovering of an infection.....

yes absolute madness i say !!

last few weeks that one struggle to find peace of mind just the waaay it was making you feel weirder by the day.... ignoring it all bout yourself not washing your hair sticking it in a bun and staying that one standard way no matter where you go even for the meets like that one standard..... and only last week do you realize after you start washing this weird feel in the hair like feels weirdly sticky even after the wash you take it to be not cleansed good enough and ignore it.....

with days it only gets worse.....

finally today head to the salon hoping some professional wash will solve it and as you discuss it with the female stylist there she suggests you to dscuss it with the head stylist there and as the stylist checks suggests you to see a dermatologist instead.... like get a wash done and if it still dosnt do good then its a must....

through the wash that one weird feeeeling what must have gone wrong and that one sound as there was one ear plugged in as per usual and that one sound from out as they play some plalist.....

that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him.....

as it was an instrumental chillout track.....

shut the eyes away with her still talking or asking you smthing you lose yourself to everything him....

the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just takes you back in time to those moments of living that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him driving around with that one standrad expression of his hiding away from the sun and then smiling beech beech mein knowing you were lost in him.......

to that one look from him and that one pulllllllllllllllllll closer to him and that one signature first chummi of his over your naak......

its like through that one track playing you felt him the MOST like you could almost see him for real kinda felt him for real....

and the sec the track was done that obvious first thing you had to had to know was which track was i and she calls someone over and they say it as some random playlist on youtube playing and you insist on that one song that was just playing and some lady had changed it ad they had no clue bout......

to once done and it still felt the same and that meant finding a derma and google it and as you type it that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that was the start of it !!!!!!!!!!!!

finding a derma......

this is howwwwwwww and when some infection becomes love in complete sense of the word or situation i say......

back then your uneven skin did in a way lead to him..... thatw as when he first shared his number with you in the most adooooooooooooooorable way saying if incase you get lost you can call him and ask where exactly it was....

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee even writing it now this one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling how onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy YOU were missed i say abiiiiiiiiii k abiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beautiful irony of some moments...

there is that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of his dreams that you almost wake up with eevryday.....

almost every other day....

and there is that beauty to live him through the moemnts of your day....

like the random most moment bhi comes with that one beauuuuuuuuuutiful feel of him making you feeeel that moment all the more strongly like you just felt him that strong....

even be it the most ironic ones...

but for the start the beuatiful ones....

when yesterday looking for locations one place to the other finding that one right location with gulmohars and changing space... when the photographer almost gives up asking despite of sharing such pretty locations what was that you were looking for and you couldnt tell the guy what exactly you were looking until the final time and the sec you do and that one much expected reply why just gulmohars whhe en the locations he the photographer cause just he him be just HIM i sayyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!!

so he the photographer tries to explain like suggesting you the best of locatiosn with the prettiest of trees around but that one search for smthing that has just gulmohars or some gulmoahrs bhi.....

couldnt find one still.....

like in your mind that one feeeeeeeeeeel of his pic from a location that had your dream place.... dream home...

home around and covered wit gulmohars in both the colors that he had got for you - pink n white !!

like kahiiiiiiiiii thooooooo there must be some location even close to that !!!!!

and this one time through one galli looking around for some other location and just passing by that rush to stop the car and get off.....

cause the sec you see it that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful whisper of his voice.... it was all yellow you are all yellow !!

it was this one tree smthing again youd never before like like it was this natural chandelier kind of tree with beautiful sunshiny yellow chandelier like leaves hovering over and as you just stand there and look around the road ahead and the waaay it again feeels like you had been there like it could be that street around his fav street in jubilee hills the waay it looked just the same exactly the same kind o fstreet and that one feeeeeeeeeeel of him standing there plug into him again and that beauuuuuuuuty of that lostness you feel there as you look around with that one feeeeel of him like maybe you were there with him there.... cause it was galli to galli and almost similar gallis but then not sure cause almost all the gallis look alike in juibilee hills but for you in that moment that khushi it gives you was SMTHING ELSE !!!!!!!!!!!

cause you could hear him whisper it was all yellow you are all yellow that first meet after b'up and you were wearing this yellow kurti and the waaaaaay he just looks at you and just before dropping you back looks at you one more time and that one smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee o fhis saying it and looking at you oopar se neeche and then says it as it was sunny and sunlight was right in your face and that adooooooooooooorably says it was all yellow you are all yellow......

one look from him - beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifullest in th world i say !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like suddenly from nothing to feeeeeeeling the miss planet i say !!!!!!!!!!

that kind of beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty in that one overloaded of love look of his with that one smileeeeeeee....

and just standing under that treee watching it with that whisper of his sound - BEAUTIFUL !!!!!!!

with that feeeeeeel it could be somewhere around that one fav street of his !!!!!

smthing no you dont have logic or sense, you just goooooo with how and evrything it makes you feel like in that very moment !!!!!!!

it wasnt just all yellow, it was all HIM...