Moments!!!!

 A track of his playing galti se falling asleep over the couch skipping the dinner away and then to still feeeeeeeeel him away this much!!!!!!

Like all of his face over all of your face and HIW!!!!!!!

This scent and sense of him every single time the waaaaaaaay it leaves you wanting more of him like suddenly this rush nowwwww why just that gentle brush like just brushed you away and woke you up like whyyyyyy couldn’t he stay for more!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the way slighted of him lately and the waaaaaay it awakens this side of you to THIS extent!!!!!!!!

Tightly shutting away eyes instantly hoping the moment continues and you realise you weee up and waiting for him to still come…!

Mind!!!!!

 One of the biggest mins challenges is having to shoot with a state of mind like this!!!!!!

like even writing now it’s just not happening and then the waaaaaaay he comes this morning it’s almost magic the way the dream him exaaactly knows what’s going inside of you…the way he touches the way he whispers away just that vibe of complete him and the way what he is wearing falls that beautifully insync too like when you go wild he goes wilder in black when you are this lost in him he goes milder and yet gorgeous in whites…

How what why still doesn’t make any sense but that one wish everytime now like all of you literally begging away on the inside even during these dream moments pls stay pls stay like that one wish for him to stay even after you are up beside you…

And with that much him his words that feeeeel scent and sound of him and then to constantly keep the model entertained so works for the shots and expressions it’s like putting this slow you in another mode altogether!!

And that’s when his music like always helps like now to just feeeeeel him away to that sound of his……

That which he shares in that very first Skype call dedicating a Nusrat khanjis longing track to you…

Some days and dates like when you feel the most shubodh when you remember the date too cause that’ feeeeeeeel of watching him over Skype and be lived and loved by him after bup for the first time again feels it was just yesterday…

January 24th!!!!!!!

How do you even!!!!!!!!!!!

Words…

 When you just can’t stop re reading his words with the sound of him saying them in his voice echoing away with each line……

Everytime you are a lil drunk even with one drink down and there’s always that urge need to hear him call and just call him away like you did back then too and don’t can’t anymore……

There’s this feel charlie who hota nai aisa kabhi for a second he didn’t and that feel kabhi hua nai uskuu ittiii zorse feel to jsut just like that do it away!!!!!!

When with each and every line him telling you too that he missed you too as you tell him with a lot of fear in saying it out and that very same second he says it too actually I was missing you too……

Like there are some lines you just keep re reading again n again cause of the way his voice and sound saying it in your ears now makes you feel…

Kaatlena Teri yaad ayi kidhar hai tu and his Whatsup every single time takes you back to the moment at his Versova space as you watch the ocean or sea it is standing there waiting for him to come out and then take you home…and the sound of him the first thing he says whaaaaaatsup in that signrayire style of his!!!!!!!

Ever since then it’s always been his voice that the word whatsup comes along with……

Now reading it too his words with his voice that moemnt that feeeeel of being able to hear from him something as basic as message from him now feels like sucha big deal!!!!!!!

Strange strange feeeeels right now your mind is experiencing right now!!!!!!!

Suddenly nai this thing how from that close to almost there did you suddenly land here……the way he says your face must be red by now like he knew exactly what used to make you feel certain ways jsut by the words of his…

Like it was just yesterday you remember that conversation that moemnt this clear!!!!!!!

What to even!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!!

 This state of mind ever since having found him again when you wake up and your mom suddenly comes to you asking for how to complete the account sets up on Instagram…..like you’d just woken up still almost sleepy hazy state of mind and the way she asks you that instance that very instance that inside one loud scream found him!!!!!

Like you did think bout opening a random account jsut to be able to live him and that somehow felt all the more fcked up than him blocking you…

So you don’t, and when of all the things your mom does this on a youday of all days that level of sudden ironic Khushi was something else…

Be it that moennt to feeelinf that sense of lostmess to just mins back when you were looking for some work email I’d of some stylist and you type accidentally the number 96 as you had almost dropped the remote from your lap and saving it up you type 96 in the search tab and it shows this WhatsApp char saved email of his with his number on it…

And as you live that adooooooorableness of him in pictures of him looking his sexy best in gundu or sleeping position his nose twitch expression selfie and try and avoid reading the chat……get to work and yet that need to read and you skip work and stay and read his chat it was from 2016 Diwali time……and after months prolly breaks you down like this bad!!!!!!

Like the tears just wouldn’t stop as he mentions bout being drunk the night before and was just bout to call you for a second and doesn’t and the next day texts you saying the same…..to that moennt of him telling you wait for a day or two leke chale jaatu tujhe… 

Sometimes you just donnooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even writing it out now again saaale tears I tell you it’s this feeeeeeling charlie like he was just around and suddenly just disappeared all at once!!!!!!!

Like every single time almost there almost found him back and again!!!!!!!

That fellow na up above the sky why would he do something like this to the one and only thing you ever loved truly loved in your life and most importantly loved back like that by him…….

This thing this state of mind you also didn’t wanna write out but also this need to write out this feeling outta you cause the way it’s feeeeelinf away now!!!!!!

Youdays!!

The only other way this moment could’ve been more beautiful is to live him for real!!!!!!!

Like now now NOW!!!!!!!

When your mom gets on Instagram and asks you to navigate through and goes into the kitchen for something and the first thing you had to navigate through was to live him and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling you can never grow used to!!!!!!!!

To think of it now you are his biggest fan EVER!!!! 

This Khushi right now to see him after all these days and now on literally on the home ground level this feeeeeeeel right now!!!!!!!!

Can never grow used to feeling this feel living him or loving him like it always feels like the first time level of khushi!!!!!

THIS is something else only!!!!!!!

Nothing comes even close to the waaaaaaays anything him can make you feel away…!

What it iz!!!!!

 Whatsssss this even!!!!!!

This sudden you shift and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays he has been coming lately and today after that long wait he comes and HOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! 

It’s this feeeeeeeeel every single time he comes like this his breathe the way moves the sound of him his hands just the way all of him feeeels vibes in a way like it’s THAT much missing and suddenly was living it away all at once!!!!!

It’s that rushhhhhhhh of him that you can sense theofjb his hand movement the waaaaay he holds you gently at first and that change in his grip rough and wild knowing not to write out things but sometimes you just can’t hold it in cause uts that much him and the waaaaaaay he came this morning!!!!!!

Changing sides in your mind still waiting for him and that sudden scent of him your eyes still shut and as you move a lil closer that breathe of his the way he was breathing high go a lil closer and you could almost feeeel that rush of him in him and the waaaaay he just directly chummis your face away as you were still sniffing him and his presence away!!!!

And you try to move cause you that bad wanted to see him too and he makes a sound for the first time cause it’s usually you making sounds and the way he makes that sound like he didn’t want you to move and he just wanted to kiss you away!!!!!

To that one second when you firmly try to push him so you could see him and for that one sec or two open your eyes and there he was full daaaadi your ultimate fav black shirt wide open no wonder you felt his skin over chest as you pushed him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looked that beauuuuuutofully sexy wild gorgeous everything at once and you for that very moment were in awe of the waaaay he looked and was looking at you and comes closer again nodding away that signature nod of his……and the waaaaay he moves around your neck still feeling stil living him in that very moment you connect that same move of his from the himversions the other day……it was surreal charlie like the way he was moving holding you pulling you closer living feeling all of you with that constant change in the way he was breathing……..

It was something else like to feeeel him live him that waaaaay in that very moments and this constant thing at the back of your mind not wanting the morning to come like in your head you weee wishing you hadn’t set the alarm cause it goes off and he goes off along!!

It was max madness like you could feeeeeeeel that same feeeeeel of losing yourself in all him like you are suddneyvlaced with all of him every inch of you……..

Some sudden movement as he turns and grabs you along by the waist and you move and wake up the very first thing was to smell yourself and that very instance as crazy as this sounds writing out now there was that mucn scent of him like you were still in that sleep him highd hazy state of mind looking for him beside you and still could smell all him on all you!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!

Try and go back to sleep again just so you could be like ya I am back let’s continue kinda definite try it was for quite sometime and doesn’t happen!!!!!!

Finally up and the first thing was to rushhhh runnnn to the workout!!!!!

Like from the very start you were that charged up himhighd be it cardio be it strength training like moving dancing himhighd it’s that rush of his that sort of shifted on all you and HOW!!

To this recent beauty of doing himversions with his enrque tracks!!!!!!

And for the first time you experienced a himversions session could be like this too…

It used to happen this you used to happen till this extent with him and his presence for real…

These moves you were again feeeeeling him the tip of his hands the neck of his against yours it’s these brush of moments and the waaaaaaay it zones your mind out like you could feeeeeel that high that beauuuutoful state of mind where you lose the sense of you and are one with the waaaaaays it’s making you feel away live him away with deep breathes the sound and the touch and feeeeel of him……it was slow initially to this level when some Asan of holding your arm back you literally miss on holding and scratch your back away……that very same instance that feeeel of doing it on him at opera and the next day at his place comes running to you shirtless before his sister asking you to put some powder over his back and you see your work of art all over his back…….

Like he literally sits down with his bare back before you and asks you to put the powder whilst his sister shocked still looking at you and you didn’t know if you tame that sudden switch of mind in you seeing him that way in day light before his sister or just touch him away……

He turns and sees your expression and realises what he just did and that adoooooooooooorable shy face of his says ohhh yaaa and goes to his sister instead…as she does him still looking you in the eye and smiiiiiiiling away that one smile of his knowing what just happened!!!!!

Sooooo yah it was that same feeeeel same mode after very long to this point where feeeling him with the moves to the morning dream recalls it was making you moves in a way like you never did before rubbing the ear away biting the lip away it was all madness!!!!!! That state to feeeeeel him as you moved al over you!!!!!!

What’s this even how does it even happen like this like how even writing it out now it just doesnt make sense that state of mind and mood it lands you in like turning the sexy mode on but how!!!!!!

That sense of him breathing his lip over you touching feeling away like you are wide awake and yet to feeeee this what’s this even!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind how do you what do you even!!!!!!!!   

It was that himhighd today you just wanted to save that geeel that very instant away for that specific moment and take a picture!!!!!!

To visually live it again…!

Long wait!!!!!

 It’s been one long wait for a dream of his saying it when it’s been prolly 2 days and this one waiiiiit be it in sleeep to live him or soon as you are up to just go back to sleep hoping he will come doesn’t work and finally you are up and late and yet that neeeeed to just feeeel him kaise bhi karke…..

And you get into the other alternate way of feeeelinf him workout!!!

this new artist you’ve been listening and trippin over all things him and how you love the cardio session too now something’s nai you just can’t reason why or how just the way it is…

To the post workout and this one feeeeeeeeeeeeel like a strong gush of a wild wild wind he comes and HOW!!!!!!!

Be it these tracks and this one and this realisation today how the same track can make you feel away two extremes at once!!!!!

Like HOW!!!!!

Be it that stillness of missing him ever since the lake trip now this wild wild rush of him with the same track……

Like you’ve been looooving trying out different moves that make you allow you to feeeeel him away more and this one move today to raising and twisting the arms to elongate the spine away and the waaaaaay as you move you feeeeel that touch of his over you to this one stance where you knowwwwww shouldn’t be writing but it was that strong like you could feeeel the teeeth over the arm to the neck it was that sameeeeee feeeeeeel the waaaay he would move back then and come at once!!!!!

It was absolute madness like you could smell his scent feeeeel his hair against your face with your hair tied in a bun that too and yet there was this few mins absolute magical madness the waaaaaaay you felt him today!!!!!!!

The hair the teeeetb that scent of him the waaaaaaay you literally you felt him move around your arm and neck as you weee sitting in that still stance position and just living that feeeeeeeeel of him moving around Andover you with eyes shut!!!!!!!

Like suddenly all you could sense smell live feeeel breathe touch was all Him!!!!!!

Even writing it out now this rush of gooodebumps agaun!!!!!!!

How do things like these even happen mein bolri charloe it’s only getting that much more beautifully worse with each passing day now donnno how this sudden shift of missing!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaa again and againsaaaa how only you are being missed away and Godzillionth time if you only had the slightest idea!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this rush right now as you blink and relive that feeeel his head over and around your neck sudden realisation that’s how long it’s been having felt him that way too!!!!!!!

Magic!!!!!

 Another sudden now realisation was yesterday also was when you felt him the strongest even when standing there and missing him that bad like missing him madly bad bad kinda bad strangely it felt somehow like you weren’t the only one missing him away and as crazy as this may sound saying it out the way it strongly felt like he was missing you too in that very moment to till that late night…

It was that strong gut feeel kinda feeeeel like you could just that strongly feeeeel it why how still donno but just felt it that strong…

A love like that should be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This beauty!!!!

 This sudden realisation this beauty of something’s when you write out his details or relive some visuals of his close ups and the way after writing it out too it just makes you smile like this!!!!!

Like leaves that heart happy smile on you just recalling that one fellow away his details his smiles his versions away the most GORGEOUS hooman ever made created I say!!!!!!

It’s that entirety of him that was LOVE just beautiful crazy passionate wild mad love in its most GORGEOUS form and how you loooooved and lived every bit of him……

Whowwwww it really has been this long sometimes when you suddenly realise the time of it it just blows your mind away you’ve seen love not lasting these days all around you marriages failing where they appeared to be strongest…

And there’s you in his absence too still living him away all these years cause that’s how real he feeels everytime you wake up from him…

Like he was just there beside your pillow and also every single time you wake up and search for him for a few seconds depending upon on the intensity of himcoming for that morning…

Sometimes there’s also that one sigh you live just before opening your eyes hoping he is still there even after you are up with that one wish of a Someday soon…!

Wishes and hopes I tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Be it going there via map but the road there it left you with that strong feeeeeel even before reaching there like you could that strongly feel it in you the stretch of Narsingi road till there there’s something bout it every single time you pass from there also why it did become your other fav place for random drives with just music playing and living that feeeel of losing in all things him……

Like looking out to those transformers kind electric pillars or whatever it’s called and just living his visuals from the drives and how you loooooooooooved living that beUuuuuuty of him on drives!!!!!

Like you have this similar gut feeeel for the prashasan Nagar slope road too like everytime there this could’ve been the spot where he takes to show you as there were row houses being done back then and you had to look down and he calls it his fav space…

This place too the second you were there the view of the lake eyes shut and there he was glimpses of him from that day this beauuuutifully clear including the before and afte expressions of him and that one smile change before kiss after kiss kinda vibe….

To him taking your picture first and then gets off and takes the picture of his car with the lake view too and this time when you ask for the car being taken in so it’s easier for mom to get in post that accident!!

Ask the driver to wait and take a picture of the bumble blu with that lake view again his style…

And that feeeeeeeeeeeeel it suddenly fills you up with seeing that image and then looking back at the lake lil did you know nai back then years after you will come back to the same spot and miss him THAT BAD WORST BAD POSSIBLE at that very spot like almost 15years after!!!!!!

Whowwww saying it out makes it sound all the more crazy now whowwwwwww that long it’s been nai!!!!!!!!!

Pata nai kya kyu charlie kaise just kaise it couldn’t be anybody else after him……..it’s like this core of you now Him…

Can’t change won’t change also!!!!!!!

All of these feeeels these rushes these suddenly wild rush in you this other version of you to any of you comes only with and for him…

Like this is how it’s always been…!

Dropping your mom back and that still need to just be in your own and head out again to this other fav road stretch the shoe factory lane play this one track loud and just be living missing him away!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!

Come back home there was this major issue of water force in all washrooms with some electricity issue too and you couldn’t write out but there also was that need to just be out in the balcony on the swing with the track playing and losing yourself a lil more in him!!!!!!

It’s when this kind of missing hits you you just want to be away from everything else just soak it all in…

That one fellow walking walking coming into your life in his most unique way and leaving this kinda impact on not just your life but on you…

Like literally left that Himstamp over you…

Marked for life…!

Him!!!!!

 How could a place make you that fullllll of him and yet that empty at the same time!!!!!!!

This habit of your friend of leaving you morning voice nites and stuff and every single time also getting mad at you for not replying to the morning texts!!

There has been this silent pact with him of certain things that you slmehow with time have only managed to keep that with him just him…and with his absence it never happened again morning messages or calls is also one of those things……you just canttt!!!!!

Being there getting the place to sit ordering some bruschetta and telling your mom you had to take some urgent work call and get away on your own to the edge of the place where you could live the lake from the closest almost leaning over to the other side…

Sitting there with his music playing looking around and feeling him the most!!!!

There were these huge gorgeoussssss trees as you move in circles under the tree that one beauuuuutoful feeeel of just living him watching you as you live the beaut of the trees…..

It’s like lilst of visuals of him to the touch sense scent and taste of him more importantly rushes through you cause madly enough that was could’ve been the very first place you tasted him for the first time ever…!

It’s like suddenly you were happy just happy with that full of him roaming around in those corners of that space and walking back suddenly that empty too!!

There were mostly couples all around with some small family get together on one side and this one empty bench space that had the golden sunset falling and spreading that golden light over it…magic it was when the second you see that spot with that golden sunset color al over it the very first thing was that track of his golden sunset by Marga sol not sure if it was his song or the track you lived him with……the way it always used to bring back those moments of living that beauuuuuty of him at his Dd space looking for some movie over the laptop and smiiiiling away knowing you were again lost in him and HOW!!!!!

That day when wity that weird feel of mush all around you look to that one corner and with that sunset lit sparkling all over it brings that track and with it Him along from that moment the way that moennt somehow felt complete fataaak se…

Visuals!!!!!

 This beauty of some visuals with a sound!!!!!!

One visual of his on loop since yesterday just before he comes closer to kiss the way he just looks you in the eye with that one soft smile slowly nibbles over his own lip and then comes closer to the after visual soon as you open your eyes and see him stay there that closest to your face…….he has ever been!!

And the way he stays closer even after the moment there was no smile initially just that one stare and as he moves slowly that one nod of his smiling deep away!!!!!!!

As he shows your hand still shivering holding his and holds it tighter still looking at your hands…

Getting ready eating lunch standing standing and this one constant visual of his this one rush you can feel it through you and it’s a long day of work ahead but this mind ever since yesterday!!!!!!!!

How do you even shift back to normal mode now…!

Places!!!!!

 It was all very different beautiful madness it’s this feeeeel even now like suddenly you are feeling too much away and yet THIS lost!!!!!!

From being there the road way the curved trees on the trees that hover over the road too see it visually to college buses driving by like it all was playing backwards being with him loving the site of those trees and looking throfjb them as he holds onto your hand as you turn and with your head out to live the trees to teens in busses looking at you both you over his shoulder as he drives and you try to move as they were watching and him being him holding you back closer to him saying they are seeing our love stay no…….and they wave back and you wave them back witb him adding see!!!!!

It’s all like it was just yesterday you were there with him like he was right there with you you over his shoulder him holding your hand looking you in the eye as he slows down closer to the trees his music playing him smiling that smile windows down!!!!!

And to finally be there the roads almost same kacha road like it was back then as he takes it to one side and stops and that one look on him like you’d never seen before literally eating his own lip away and you knew it it was it…….as he brings his face closer chummis your nose eats it away literally and holds and you stay with that one ONE WAIIIIIT and that sound of his adooooooorable chuckle and him watching you laughing his heart out as you were still waiting and then you embarrassed and he shows you in ishaara as there was cement trucks passing by right behind se……..

And he says something and starts to drive just a lil and as you look at him still smiiiiiling away and then suddenly stops again nodding away looks around and comes closer again holds your hand and there it was……..

Just a lil first and shiver more and stay and the waaaaaaaaay he kisses again and some sound you make and t did become a complete long one!!!!!!!!

It was that feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie like suddenly you experience a feeel like that one sense something like beyond that moment in that moment you lose sense of everything else around you donno where you are at what’s around you all that you could feel sense touch taste connect was Him…

After that moemnt you just stay face down eyes still shut trying to live that moment in you for longer his hand still holding yours and gently pressed your hand in a way asking if you were okay and you just remember looking up at him and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel in you he just knew it!!!!!!!

That it was your first time before that moemnt he didn’t know it’s never been anybody else he was and is your first and only!!!!!!

And just whispers saying we all have our firsts but this was different and that’s when he takes the picture!!!!!!

On your way back home yesterday too there were max cars with Bombay number some feeeels nai are just evrythung else!!!!!

There was this call from your friend yesterday when on your way to work discussing bout locations and she mentions bout this one overlooking the lake and you ask more cause you did know it had a lake the place he took you to and ask her if can go alone or need someone and she mentions bout being far off and stuff and you immediately take a u turn from work head back home take your mom along saying out for drive kinda thing……..

To be there to live him there in his could be place and relive this very feeeeeeeel of him being a lil his back then was something else this rush even right now as you relive it all right now as you write!!!!!!!

MOST!!!!!!

 How’s it supposed to feeeeel when you finallllllllly think you’ve found the place where for the first time you felt MOST his as he called it back then post moment!!!!!!

Like he just had put a stamp on you the waaay he says it!!!!!!

The first chummi place…

This mind ever since yesterday coming home and then dropping mom back and again heading out for a late night drive yaha waha just cause like always when there’s too much him you just need to be on your own for a bit!!!!!!!

And to be able to be in a place of his like max percent you think it was somewhere around the same place to just be in the same view almost and that feeeeeeeeeeeeel of him yesterday the music the viiiiibe the rushhhhhh of him it was beyond anything else!!!!!!!

How do you even it’s like to be there to relive him holding your hand through the chummi and as done you tell him he was shivering and he instead again chuckles away comes a lil closer and says it’s ok nodding his head away if you shivered cause in a way you were conscious being your first kiss ever not knowing how to or what and just that feeeeeeeeeeel of him and you did shiver like shaky shiver and the waaaaaaaaay he just smiles away looking you in the eye constantly as you on n off look at him like couldn’t constantly look back at him…….and as you were looking to the other side he takes a picture of you…looks at it and says you look a lil his now comparing the earlier Gulmohar pic that he had clicked of you and this one now and that smiiiiiiiile on him!!!!!!!!!

Again your face wasn’t even in the frame it’s just that feeeeeel of the picture of the moennt that you’d just lived felt him for the first time like literally felt him …

And yesterday to be there and just on your way out to find the cement truck right outside it was one full circle of life it came around like!!!! 

It’s these moments places lived reasoning out why it was him and why now still and always be Him…

No wonder!!!!!

 When late at nights working on something and you rethink bout morning moments of living him in your waking state and HOW with the himversions routine lately the waaaaaays you feel him and that you it transforms you into post it it always made you wonder how what it’s even bout!!!!

It’s only today as you rush into one with no dream of his like al or night there was that one waiiiiit in you to the next moemnt after the chummi of his in the car like you were literally hoping waitijggggggg for the continuation of the dream……and with no dream of his today you realise it’s not just your mind alone cause if it was there would’ve been today too cause that’s HOW BAD you wanted him beyond that moment!!!!!!!

And he doesn’t!!!!!

Obvious second thing with this rush still in you to get into a workout and through Sean pual playlist enrique happens and that one beauuuuuuuuuuuty the second the track plays that one beauuuuuuuty I swear every single time and as you start the himversions shutting your eyes away there he was his white collared gym tee and chaddis post workout holding your hand making you sit down on the floor and asking you to stretch post workouts this was day or two in love….

And shows you how to stretch and you just watch him move straightens legs one leg folded twisting the back arms away and you still lost in thatbeauuuuty of him the way he moves turning to the side and watches you watching him and yhat smile that one smiiiiiile of his as you lean over to see him from the other side too and he keeps adooooooorably getting mad at you dekhri ka stretch kar karely!!!!!

And finally once done you get off he gets and comes closer raises both his arms up flexing the arms away and comes a lil closer and that sudden wild rushhhhhhhhhhh through you and you look around and checking if somebody was around and the way he chuckles away that adooooorably seeing you in that state…..commenting ghoori tho aisa he hota phir!!!!!

And this posture of his he used to do that often like you are working out doing something and he would lift both his arms up and stretch his back and then watch your expression over it smile away and go back to what he was doing!!!! N

It was like he already knew you by your core what makes you feel what and how!!!!!

Any detail to everything bout you he knew that early of knowing you like known you forever kinda vibe!!!!

It was beautiful!!!!!

Today living that moennt eyes shut and that sudden twist touch over your waist as you move the torso to stretch your legs out in this new move…….from the waist to upper back like that one strong feeeeeel of rough move over you……and this one stance always raising your neck up and that very feeeeeeel of him like suddenly that rush in your heartbeat just like his presence used to to suddenly you were all hot…….as crazy as this sounds cause post workout and moves you already were sweating bad but this was different felt that strongly different…..

Like that sudden shift in you!!!!!

It’s this wild free himside of you that comes alive every single time post these……..it’s this different you that you can feel the before and after that strongly in your mind in your body  your skin like it all flows differently through you…

Cause it’s THAT much him that you feeeel the most feeeling every inch and second of you away and HOW!!!!!!

It’s still absolutely inasanely beautiful madness state of mind to the waaaaaaaays you feel him over you every move every part of you it’s surreal!!!! 

Sing miyaaaa if you only knew how only you are being missed away!!!!!!!

Slightest bhi if he had the idea I swear kabhi lagtaa there should be something in the air something that conveys it away nai…!

Still hot still rushed this beautiful himglow today just like those post opera moments checking yoruself out and feeeeeling this happy seeing that rush of him still all over your face apart from the color of his love…!

Himrush!!!!!

 It’s that feeeeeeling soon as you are up like first you don’t even know what to make sense of it to that moment of feeeeling thoda aur aaage rehna tha nai dream some more for a lil longer for the longest like just stops till there……

And that literally drags you out and straight to the workout cause you neeeded more of him and HOW!!!!!!!!

And then to live him again with those moves the waaaaaays his hands moves along and over you……….

The way it always brings all back from that first touch to the moments from his Dd space…….

Be it from something as simple as one of your biggest wishes to see him with you in random places to just find him beside and with you even across the table sipping coffee away with you to the zillion other moments not much casual ones the way it drives your mind craaaazy just imagingung things away imagining him away from the dream him even at work……

Like today as the client discusses the color combination and asks you for your suggestion and you just stand there smiling away cause in your mind it was that visual of him walking backwards to the security check looking you in the eye with that wild eyes constant stare and the waaaaaaaay it was making you feeeeel away and you reliving that very moment away hands folded smiling away as she asks you things bout the customisation!!!!!!

To the moennt having lunch and you just couldn’t stop smiling reliving his face away over yours that scent of him touch and fweewwweel of his daaaaadi again against your face to just live that feeeeeeeeel of him and the waaaay it felt that real like was actually happening for real!!!!!

Writing it now the way soon as you were up it again felt like that day did happen for real and it wasn’t just you dreaming like you actually woke up after having met him the previous day kinda vibe and state of mind…

This sudden feeeel now dreams I swear just when you thought you were doing your best in trying to hold your mind and this thing you actually write out for your recent collection cause Versova has been on your mind a lot and you nake this collection after Kaaya be it kaya project his music or stream of ocean or sea something it meant……

To the write up that follows either a mighty roar or a beautiful stillness lately your state has been no less than mightiest of roars lately!!!!!!

Be it location tagging Versova as max mad as it sounded like you just had to out it out there……

Him!!!!!!

 All these years been living him away in moments and dreams but to live a moment moments that felt like that real like from today’s him and you and live that beauuuuuuty of him form that upclose in a public space the way he moves his face over yours to smell him away his daaaaaadi against your cheeks just that feeeeeeel of breathing the same air as him breathing him away literally and as the floor comes the waaaaaay he holds your hand and literally pulling you out literally runs to the car park side and that stop for security check and this time turns around and looks at you and smiiiiiiiules that smile and still looking at you raises his arms in that saaaaame wild gorgeous human bird form as the security guy checks him ultra cause he was still looking at you and didn’t turn towards the security guy…..

It’s like you were living your dream moments of him with him for real mein for a change the waaaaaaay there was this gorgeous sexy pulllll the waaaaaaay he gets off the security stand thing and still walks looking you in the eye and you rush run to him and he holds your hand again and takes you to the car like not even for a second looks away like he was letting you allowing you to live him the max most way possible!!!!!

Like it was a finally he is there with you kinda vibe like letting you know the wait was over kinda vibe!!!!!!!

The second you get in the car he places his headphones over your ears same way like he did back then and plays some track and just in that same rush of his from the dreams chummis your face away like first your details away in that beauuuuuuuutoful crazy passionate way like it wasn’t just you that missed him that way kinda vibe and you were sooooo full of him with your ears listening to his sound your senses comepmtely laced away with all of him completely!!!!!

To that bit when he finally kisses you and that feeeeeeeeeeeeel same rush same viiiiibe where you lose drown in all of him away wooooooooosh bolke!!!!!!

Like it melts away the very existence of you and all you could sense feel breathe taste was him!!!!!!!

Like to the extent where you get breathless and you try to get some air for a second and him in that beauuuuuuuutoful rush and that one second the waaaaay he stops in beyeeen holds your face away and you open your eyes him looking you in the eye and the exact same way he says it again missed you…

It’s that very sound that touch of him somewhere that kiss of him that him looking you in the eye moennt some sound loud it was repeatedly at the background alarm it was and you wake up!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaay that one waking up you were the most restless literally desperate state of mind to just runnnnn away to him no matter where he was just run to him in that very moment like now now kinda rush of him want of him need of him it left you with…

The Lift!!!!

 From that moment him holding you you donno what or how it was sudden there was this rush you were making way through post movie or something it felt like with someone walking ahead and with you and enter the lift and your back stilll towards the lift gate you walk in with people behind you and you go a lil further in the lift look up there he was again…….same tee so felt and looked like continuation of the moennt cause you must have slept or woken up in between and this was another one and you go closer that same look in his eyes another floor some more people get in and a lil closer and you lift your feet up a lil to reach his face and the waaaaaaaaay instead he smiiiiiles that smile knowing exactly what you were doing cause you did the same when at his place against the bathroom wall of his and he leans over you instead and moves his face this side that side in a way it touches all of your face away every detail of his face touching feeling away details of your face away and that rushhhhhhhhhh in you to live him feeeeeel him that way again after all these years!!!!!!

This feeeeeeeeel right now as you write it out this pace of heartbeat again this rush again right now some dreams and some sounds can do to your mind is just beyond anything else!!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeeeeeel rush of him right now!!!!!!

Waking up!!!!

 Been feeling weird lately not knowing how to even get a hold on your mind with this him rush lately!!!!

To this sudden need to get away from it all after not being able to live that lilst bit of him too now that the manager was fired and you just can’t see him!!!!!

And the waaaaaay it has always left this impact on you it’s that wordless weird feeelinf charlie can’t write out how it feels these words recently that showed the desperation of having to see him touch him feel him for real except for the cruelty bit in it was that much more relatable the rest of it!!

It’s this restlessness missing him away that makes you touch your own arm away post his dreams of him feeling you away….it’s different the way you rub your own arm away roughly it’s that need that longing for his arm for his touch specially post his dreams!!!!!

Cause the dreams lately is that beautiful fuel to the fire already!!!!!!

As crazy as that sounds that’s the only way to say it!!

To this one this morning it’s this habit of yours when you kiss him too much to just be on your own away exploring some new cafe with these new ones opening every other day……you just be there with a coffee and just people watch around with music playing in your ears…

It’s like that constant search for him and seeing somebody look similar to him and smile away shut your eyes and picture him there with you even standing at the counter there’s that strong longing to feel him see him stand beside you with you right there sharing the coffee away sharing that moment that same space that same air away!!

And this one you on your own same exact listening to music and this was this you now not the pehle one……and eyes shut living him away in your mind and open your eyes and you see him walk towards your table and this him was the now him black collared tee his same jeans and walks up to your table with that same smiiiiiiiule on him and says what’s up like it was just yesterday like it was just yesterday youd met him and today there he was…….

Pulls the chair and sitting down he leans over your side bringing his face closest to yours and keeps the coffee on the table and just slightly raises his arms and that rush in you even as you live that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him looking his sexy best with fulllll daaaaaaadi and you couldn’t take your eyes off his daaadi cause your mind was playing that scent of his daaadi in your head like any closer you could possibly smell his scent away kinda mind play!!!!!!

Raising his arms he stands a lil and you rush to his side and hold him and he makes that same sound knowing just knowing how bad you’d missed him like the same sound back from Bangalore first hug you hold him and he makes that same sound!!!!!

That same sound as you hold him and he holds back tighter and a lil more tighter!!!!!

That one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of being held by all him around and over to feeeel it live it after all these years and that very same way that you’d missed him in even writing now this feeeeeeeel again!!!!!!!

Right now this missing again!!!!!!!!

HOW!!!!!

How does this one session in the morning this beauuuuutofully this insanely awaken this side of you!!!!!!!

It’s pure madness!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaays that feeeeeel of him stays with you all through the day amidst the work chaos discussions meetings client meets everything at all the waaaaaay there’s this constant sexy mode your mind was on feeeeling him away first in the dream and then in the himversions…

How something like this actually happens without happening for real is something that’s just beyond you!!!!!

Also with this one track finding now this sudden doubt how this side of you now just living him in the dream with the himversions leaves you with this you can only imagine what it would’ve been living him for real mein like actually actual mein and then to feeeeeel and live this side of you!!!!!

This one dream and these high hopes it’s left you with be it all day today imagining things away to this very moment now making a drink this track playing making you move with this late need now to do a few himversions but also this work bit that you had to finish for applications……

And then play it over close your eyes and that feeeeeeel of him over your face suddenly from the lift dream this morning and lost you are yet again and HOW!!!!!!!

Waking up!!!!!

 From wake up Sid to waking up like this!!!!!!

Another one of those firsts a dream like never before where it starts off to something that you’ve always longed for all these years one of the things actually!!!!!!

It’s this toooooo mucn rush right now rushing through you the after affects of dreams like these moments like these to live him like this!!!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeel charlie when you’ve wanted something that bad needed it that bad imagined in your head that bad and to give a visual to that wish of yours even be ur in the dream bhi was something else!!!!!!

Like the second you wake up that first thing on your mind that neeeeed to feeeeel him more smell him away just live and feeeel him away and you literally run to get the workout in and the post feeeeeeeels!!!!!!

It’s that oneness witb him that you feeeel the MOST during these moves and himversions and this feeeeeeel as you move his hand sense of him feeeeel of him moves along with you and HOW!!!!!!

The way it keeps making you want more of him as you keep trying other tracks to feel him all the more it’s beautiful it’s surreal it’s passionate and it’s absolute madness to the waaaaaaays you feel and sense him away as you move…

Donno how what or why but the waaaaaay this one feeeeeeeel every single time post a session it’s something that makes you miss him all the more in ways beyond your mind also which becomes all the more difficult to tame it down……but like he used to say I have your remote and every single time you live this feeeel that echo of his words…. It’s this feeeeeeel right now this missing rightnow!!!!!!! Again!!!!!!

all the reason you were doing your best to skip it all these days but this morning the dream the him to live him from a coffee shop to the lift was something else………..

More coming soon but this rush right now like you just had to write it out right now cause the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays his feeel that sense of him still feels on your skin is beyond anything and everything!!

Beautiful beauuuuuuutoful madness I swear!!!!!!!

Visual story!!

 It’s like watching this one movie every single time with that sound of him chuckle of him echoing through you even after all these years!!!!!!

You know I too actually went for my first interview in a tee shirt and jeans same look!!!!

How do you even!!!!!!!

All these years of trying and yet this feeeeeeeeeel of him it’s like this part of you him a part a solid part of you…

Kabhi lagta charlie things like these nai must be both ways or must atleast come with a switch one goes off the other too should………

This mind now this rush of him all the more now!!!!!!

Tha one face jn the world for you your ultimate most fav most looooooooved him in the world for you!!!!!!!!!

Mood lately!!

 Years after that feeeeeel of some movies this particular one story of your life literally!!!!!!

Lil did you know!!!!!!

This feeeeeel of some days Sundays…!

Few moments words through this week when even autocorrect turns chepta while replying to some friend as Chetan…

This mood lately this strong longing for him like never before in all these years where you can sense missing him the strongest the mostest each and every second of your day days…….

And yet can’t do a thing bout it!!!!!!

It’s been weird and yet magical with himcomings with getting lost again in the mornings with wakin up…

This movie now this mind right now this missing right nowwwwwww!!!!! 

How much more can truly miss someone to finally be able to see them live them feel them touch them hold them kiss them to just be able to finally live the entirety of them finally for real…

How much more!!!!!!!!!!

This one visual feeeel right now as she sits by herself in that space and this same vibe right now that you feel through!!

All it took was this one movie…! 

Be it back then be it years after, right now!!

Photograph!!

 When a image and words speaks screams out the exact ditto state of your current mind away!!

When there’s too much him lately on your mind specially with this not being able to live him vibe lately…!

How do you even!!!!!!!!!!

Kyaaa hai ki!!!!!

 How does something like this you never get used to!!!!!

Nai horaaa charlie kyaaaa hai kiii this bad mad mad missing lately naiii horaaaa merse!!!!!!!

It’s just feeeeling ajeeeb now with this BAD missing the mind the you kyaaaa karna saamjh bhi nai ata….

How do you even deal with something this strong!!!!!

Ajeeebesf you’ve felt in a long time THIS missing!!!!!!

Now after firing her it’s all got even more worser like the only reason still giving her chances till this time was just Him…….

The only way to live him for real!!!!!!!

And that too now tho it’s this weird feeeeel of wiped out suddenly!!!!!!

Tried music tried eminent tried dirty rap to swing back into the workout mood just so you could live him after but that didn’t happen too even with the moves of the moves or this gorgeous track either…….nai horaaaaaaaaaaaa charlieeeee!!!!!!  

Moments!!

 At the studio working on the next palette and this weird zoningout as his music plays in the background......

When you had to finally take that step of firing the manager this Monday and you alone knows what that means a complete wipe out can't see him can't live him.....

It was long overdue as it's been more than 8-9 times where you had to let go of her mistakes but this time when you had to deal with vendor for no fault of yours and it became a big mess just cause of her......

Can handle anything now suddenly too much work to handle and staff to tackle till you find another manager but it's that one constant thing only thing on your mind...not being able to see him the only way you could for real mein!!!!!!

Lately been going mad missing him so you take a pasue in writing hoping it was atleast get to manageable state but doesn't work the least bit......

Now with this strong need urgency to live him now now and you can't!!!!!!!

When does it all get easy!!!!!!!!!

Himhiiighd!!!!!

 What’s your fav scent eyes closed and that immediate recall of that scent of him and how you long to sniff that away for real mein…….

To this very moment slow dancing away to this one track on repeat and all you keep doing is give your one hand to the other reliving him away in that very spot and falling on the ground living him up away looking down on you!!

This beauuuuuutiful madness of some nights when you wait for an hour almost in the balcony as there was going to be some meteor shower tonight and wait for to spot something anythung like that night with him on the call!!

And this very moment dancing away feeeeelin him away and this feeeeeeling you miss him madly swear charlie it’s been maddening lately to the extent of missing him anything lilst of him to all of him head to toe away!!!!!!

And yet the waaaaaaay this swayof missing literally the waaaay it makes you move right now to the waaaaay it makes you geeel everything him…….

It’s these moments theofjb the day sounds theofjb the day goosebumps through the day and the waaaaaaaaaay they have overfilled you with all things him from that sense of him whiff of him scent of him tohcb of him hug of him chummi of him and his skin nnnnnnnnn of all things his hands the hair on his handaaa and how you looooooooooved feeeeelin it awaaay!!!!!!

This again mind rigjttt madly insanely happilpoppily himhighddddd missing highd and hiwwwwweeeeee!!!!!!!

This you everything simble time when you are this fullll of him and lesss of the gin!!!!!!

Like this constant state of goosebumps cause that’s how badly you can feeeel his skin as you give your hand in the other right now and the waaaaay just imagining it is making you feels away right now!!!’nnits stagngeky weird the waaaaay it makes u feeel sezzyyyy on the inside!!!!!!!how u donnooo!!!!

A youniight like this one toooo just living him away in your mind as u sway away…….

Core of you!!

 When the core of you literally has been missing him away this bad BAD!!!!!

Studio work is at absolute chaos having to shift up the workshop having to deal with what the manager cheated you on with the vendor dealings plus the pending work takes a toll on you finally!!

And you didn't even know what you were down with cause you just couldnt make sense of what was wrong with you just feeling right in the gut.....nothing's working you see the doc too and they mention it has body gone under post truama shock after mom's accident thing and gives some medicines......still didn't make any sense and today decide to take mon out for a drive but it was like more you needed it......cause you couldn't even tell anybody you weren't feeling right and head off to gandipet.....and the waaaaaaay it always feels like it must have been your first chummi place cause you didn't know back then where he took you to...

But this string feel every single time you are there must have been somewhere around here...

When there it was like your core needed him craved for him and the waaaaaaay it just felt today that rush of him flowing through you like you could feeeel it deep inside of you!!

That feeeeeel of him!!!!!

As you lie down now watching some movie playing this new track find at aliapost and that feeeeeel of his electric eyes track from the Versova meet rushing through you!!!!

Some moments this magical!!

Himversions2!!!!

 There was this constant feeeeel of him just like the Versova one being that closest to you like you could feeel him that close sense his breath as crazy as this sounds it’s that thumping feel of a heart beat against your skin constantly like it’s not just your hand moving like you could that strongly feeeeeel him along with you…to the movement your most fav as you elongate and stretch out your upper body and feel him all over…….it’s the waaaaaay that sense of him in those moves makes you move it’s wild it’s madness but the way it still feels that strongly real!!

How you still donno the way it’s all like you are in that himzone of mind with the music playing you moving and feeling him away as you move not just his hands but his face his lips over his skin that sense of him breathing like it’s all there and still not there kinda vibe…

It’s beauuuuutofully magical and yet complete madness and this you know but you somehow no matter what can’t help it and also long for it that bad!!!!!!

It’s like the time in your waking state way of feeling him away and you let it make you feeeeeel away everything it makes you do!!!!!!

Cause the missing lately the dreams lately the Himcomings lately and this is your only way of living him in your waking state………

Also why this one strong pull to get some time out for this moemnt of your day no matter how hectic the schedule is or how less sleep you did manange the night before it’s your moennt of your most loved thing in your life - to live him away to love him away as you live him!!

Himversions!!!!!

 Even today coming back home there was this rush to get on with the workout cause that need to feeeel him away was just too much!!!!

Like that high heart beat racing to another level mind all of you in that rush where your mom keeps asking you if you were okay and stuff….but you clearly weeent cause you couldn’t think walk talk be straight with that rush of him and that intense!!!!!!

Soon as you were done with the workout play this song and eyes shut the very first move and that ceeeeel of him moving his hand over and along with your hand as it moves and feels your own leg away stretching moving twisting and slowing down in between to moving in a rush……as you lay on the mat and do the rest of the moves with head down to the side eyes shut all this while that feeeeeeel of being all curled and wrapped up in his arms this time feeling his skin away against your arms and the waaaaay in your mind you were playing the visuals from the Versova meet where he makes you lie down beside him holding you placing his leg that way as you move slightest bhi it’s all him you feeel with his one arm around you……like you had your head over his arm and the way he keeps moving you closer farther off him in movements and writing writing you suddenly now realise this……how this movement magic has been happening lately!!!!!

Back then too the waaaay he was nibbling over your arm shoulder and all that while his other hand over your stomach just moving around the way he keeps lifting still sleeping sleeping and moves you a lil away sometimes a lil more closer sometimes…….knowing you shouldn’t be writing it all out but it’s this again need lately to just write this missing this rush out cause it’s too much to handle on the inside and as crazy as this sounds there’s no sign or way to tame it down either!!!!!

Dream to reality!!

 All these months that you’ve been living this shift of him you’ve been waiting for some sign for real like trying to connect dreams n moments with reality like add some sense to what you are feeling away!!!!!

Some sign from him in his stories some block change nothing at all……

And then there’s this side of your life like two times in a row when he comes like this in the morning and for reasons you can’t write out the details but this feeeeewewweeelinf it left you with this time not just your mind but on your skin…

That touch of him the way he touched felt you to that missing for his skin…….it’s that state of mind like your mind completely absent to the world outside no matter where you are what you are doing you keep feeling yourself away missing his skin against away!!!!!!

It’s absolute madness even today at this cafe waiting for your order you were standing at the counter with music playing in your ears and you keep touching feeling your arms away…….and reliving the moment from this mornings dream ro the lunch moment and feeling your own feet away under the table cause that’s how badly you were missing his touch that sense and feel of him!!!!!

Like you try to not miss him this way and miss him normally like you used to all these years but nai hora charlie like your mind keeeeps doing this thing of going back to the morning dreams moments reliving it playing it on loop intentionally making it all this beautifully worse for you!!!!!

Knowing it doesn’t even make sense but it’s this helplessness like you just can’t take it to be some random him highd dream moment cause that’s how strongly he felt real……just imagine meeting him with still manageable moments and after coming home you needed still needed that space to get back to normalcy more so on the outside just so you could put up a straight face at home……

And now tho wity this level of Himcomings lately how do you even stay normal act normal and take these to be just dreams cause him and the moments and the ways he comes now doesn’t feel like just dreams…!

All this time…!

 All these years you’ve been having these dreams of him that have in some way made up for his absence all these years…

But it’s been few months now since there’s been this shift big shift in his dreams the ways he comes now is something that has never happened before……

And it’s so strong so real that you in a way your mind in a way just can’t take it to be just a dream cause that’s how real he feels like talks like comes like…

Like it just can’t be a dream after all!!

And the things it’s been doing to your mind is beyooooooond!!!!!

Like you have been used to living him in the dreams missing him through the day with different moments but lately it’s been all this beautifully maddeningly beautiful!!

Mornings have never been the same lately it’s the waaaaaaays he comes like telling you marking you feel allowing you to feeel his love and him away and HOW!!!!!

And with this new year thing reading posts and stuff you did think bout quitting writing hoping it in some way controls your mind cause this missing this beauuuutofup feeling of feeling helpless missing him away it’s beyond now!!!!!!

But this thing bout missing him this bad that there’s this urge to let it outta you like you can’t tell him obviously can’t hold it in can’t share these with anybody else but here…….

Cause you just can’t hold THIS much missing inside it’s that beautiful need to either scream it out or write scream it out!!

And you chose the second one!!