Him...

like the after of that moment did get a lil beautifully different to get over.....

change back and head out for a walk.....

yash again and today it again felt that beautifully different.....

its that thing bout experiences charlie.....

when you live moments or experience smthing it sort of in a way brings you all the more closer to where you belonged in the first place.....

the first thing that yash tells you was much expected bout the whatsapp number being yours in the first place and if you were getting messages and all that.....

with the mornin text the meme msgs it was like you dint know what to do now....

and you finally tell him you werent into whatsapp n all.....

then he mentions bout having called you too and you dint even remember bout that.....

its that thing charlie being the first time ever after Him.....

mornin msgs to sharing music with you movies with you to asking you what you listen to who your fav artist is.....

its that thing bout not sure if its just you and if its not normal or not.....

you can share only share that part of you with only certain someone you know you can you want to like you want to .......

that part of you which is most you completely you.....

music movies choices is also a part of you that pretty much says a lot bout you who you are as a person what all you could be made of kinda beauty.....

and its always been Him with Him.....

not even your friends never know whats on your playlist....

to not wanting to even check the music shared by yash or movies.....

again ist that want to do it and then there is that dosnt even make sense thing.....

its not bout restricting yourself or moulding yourself but just that want, all bout whether you want to or not.....

to the walks and conversation where you know he was getting more than friendly and this one time you sit down and he again insists on asking what you were listening to trying to take ur fone and all and you pull it back..... and the way he asks you if you were still trying to get over someone and you finally tell him you arent and you wont.....

came the ohhhhhhhhh i see later.....

awkward silence and you tell him you had to leave and the way he insists on anotehr round asking you to stay back....

and you just nod and leave.....

come back home in your room his music on.....

this thing charlie bout walks and especially with yash around.....

its like you are reliving that side of you and trying to make sense connect it all......

there was you back then with that fear of men still there and him being the first one ever you even spent that kinda time with.....

and even as friends you remember living him that loooooooooooooooooooooooooooove to just live him the way his eyes blinked the way he walked talked or even sat there on the bench in the middle of a set listening to some track and jsut stay that way.....

to just live him there was smthing.... the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it hold all of you awaaaaaaaaaaaay and HOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

his eyes, his hair his skin his hands his walk his voice his twitching of the nose to those different faces he would make mimicing someone....

anything to everything bout him, you wanting to live him a lil more..... losing yourself in him a lil more every time.....

to loving him and came the need to lose yourself all the more in ways of his love.......

it was smthing.... it was that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling of knowing feeeeling like you always belonged there..... like you know knowing thats where you wanna be thats who you wanna live love......

there was this weird raw conversation that you had with your friend days back over a video call.....

which obvsly most of which you cant write bout but this one word she mentions "crave" for love and attention.....

and its in these walks do you realize why you could never.... why it could never be anybody else but Him.....

why that place in your life was always Him.......

you feel nothing nothing at all with anybody else.....

there is that thing charlie when you live that kinda attention after that long gap like being the second time precisely spending if not same lilst amount of time knowing the other person wants more of your time and attention and you feel nothing at all......

you dont even remember looking at yash like properly even once.....

not even once.....

you feel nothing !!!!!!!!

its Him all of you this beautifully just Him......

there was Him all that you wanted to live love and like she mentioned that word, craved for !!!!!!!1

without Him, if not Him, you dont feel nothing at all !!!!!!!

it was with Him the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay it used to transform you away in a way showing a you that you dint even know existed in you.....

how why what it is the way it is you donno.....

all you know is this is def not what you had on mind.....

and you finally decide today you wont be going for walks no more...... before it gets even more awkward !!

kabhi soche thooo this wonder it fills you with.....

how with Him, Him was all you wanted to see live !!!!!!!!!

the waaaaaaaaaaaaay his presence used to just hold you away.... like you know not wanna blink kinda hold you away.....

again smthing that you did learn with him...... the way he would smtimes ask you not to move or say a word cause he jsut wanted to live that moment live that silence with you.....

even at this dam place that he did take you back then as you were talking bout the sunset on the other side sitting on the edge of the place and the way he asks you not to move or say anything and just lives your presence......

its in moments like those that you lived an extension of yourself in Him.....

like you know knowing making sense of what you felt whilst living him.....

weird nai this sudden blankness now after reliving that memory....

this only from where to where it went......

this very reason why music did become your life now, and writing to relive this feeeling relive that moment relive that Him from back then..... to relive His love from back then !!!!!!!!!!!!