Priority...2

days back your manager talks bout some business source thing that can be done through fb like build there too with some page management thing.....

and after years you get on it opening some random account like knowing you def wont be staying like you just had to check on what it was all bout....

and the second you are done with the acc setup process that first very obv much expected like before filling up the details you did have that thing running through your mind no you wont no you dont and no you dont kinda thing.....

but like always that neeeeeed to just see him to check on him if he was in hyd and was okay but more so def to see him anything of him.....

and the sec you were done with the acc setup that very first thing to look for him and there He was that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful most beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful Sunshine of your life for life Him in yellow......

that one pic that color on him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like the biggest heart eye possible the sec you see him !!!!!!!!!!!

to those posts by him of insta that recent one being of the lill kitten kuri the sec you read it that beauuuuutiful echo of his voice calling you another one f those zillion names that he would come up with to call you, kurkuri was one of those zillion ones.....

smthings you just canttttt help it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its like the way that beautiful moment of the kitten was caught by that beauty of his mind n eyes.....

to that name with that beauuuuuuuuutiful echo of his voice calling you out.... to just knowing reading ramantapur him being THIS close !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

to the next one that lil dragon of a kitten naming it toothless his mind again one adorable lil bunch of organ it is....... its the waaaaaaaaaay it sees things connects to smthing that beautiful !!!!!!!!

to the mac miller track post and the next one is when it changes it away again !!!!!!!!

changes it all away again !!!!!!!

that same post of the girl and read the comments and his sisters comment on it..........

whooo hotaaaaaa nai charlie pata nai actually hotaaa ki nai hotaaa but that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like you know you see things but there is that smthing on the inside that has a voice of its own like that loud that goes its not how you think it is......

its that madness maybe like denial sorts...... like the voice inside of you making its own attempt to make it better by diverting denying the thought the fact away.....

the comment was one of those things you call or comment on a couple expressing their love or display of their affection for the other and you comment over like they are coochy cooing sort of thing.....

it sort of immediately breaks away silences away all those echoes of the denials that was playing inside of you.....

like that comment that realization of him moved on and  you dint wanna go any further looking through his posts.... like you sort of stop there tabhi k tabhi.....

and then comes that not sure natural or this thing bout wanting to see how she really was.....

it was that side of you knwoing him how much she must have mattered to be there like you know to just see her and you click on those likes to see her profile.....

by the surname she was a gujju.....

pretty girl through her very few pics..... this thing charlie love makes you do the strangest of things like that moment when you were seeing through her profile it felt weird like that was the reason you did decide to quit fb just so you dont check on him dont see him like you know keep checking him and just let him be with his life.....

and here you were doing the very same......

writing it now sort of feels like confession in strangest of ways...... inside your mind it felt still okay like its that natural to just look through a profile but writing it now feels all the more ajeeb.....

soooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!

almost every pic of hers lilst of bhi there was his like like first like......

even the lilst of her that you could see almost nothing of her there was a like on that too.....

thats Him......

having lived his love for you back then thats that beauuuuuuuuuuty of being loved by him......

if you really matter to him if you are loved by him any of you anything bout you even the lilst of things are loved..... like  to you it wouldnt even mean anything but to him that too would turn Love.....

like anything bout you is loved by him....not just the obvs things but anything most random stuff you do would be loved.....

His way of love..... to just love anything to everything you, lilst of things to the ones mostly the ones that may go unnoticed, he would specially love that too.....

leave the page, delete the acc right away without even looking through the business source thing that she talked bout.....

it was just that state of mind that all of that landed you in.....

like you just wnated to be away from it all.....

its that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling charlie that relization.....

all these years you did think that side of him had changed with time....

like you know the person not being the same as he was.....

like certain aspects of people change transform with time....

you did think the same as and when you met post bup.....

like you know showing expressing you like you matter to him like your presence to see you to meet you your existence matters to him.....

like you def felt his love but that aspect was sort of missing like you felt that feeeling missing of being important to him like you matter like your presence to meet to see you still matters to him.....

that way of his love felt missing......

and you take it to be as he has changed that part of him that way of his loving had changed, with time....

only now do you realize it dint, he still was the same..... is the same...

the change was with you !!