This time !!

you just be, few hours in your place.....

get on whatsapp and you take your pic off.....

whoo hotaaa nai charlie smtimes some moments you take a look at your self and feel like the biggest fool alive on the planet.... like apne aap ku dekke in that moment that very same dittooo feeling aayi zorseeee.....

whatta fool all these years !!!!!!!

take the pic off.....

it was like this time you had to make a few promises to yourself....

like deactvating the acc to being in your place to heading out for a walk that early in the morning....

and it was a beautiful early morning the wild breeze in the air with that sound of his music.....

its this thing thats always been there like that lil storm inside of you taking shape and the waaaaaaaaay his music that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutifully calms it away.....

its like it moulds you shapes you away before the storm takes over you, that kinda beauuuuutiful feeeel on the inside with the music playing.....

like you can just feeeeeeeel it inside.....

like you know from feeeling that way to the waaaaaaaay it strats to transform bit by bit inside of you.....

and you see yash jogging back to the track you were walking at.... and he stops by asking how come you were out early and stuff and then asks you number tho dedee yaar atleast i know when youll be out and like before he even completes the sentence you give your number.....

and the way initially it shocks him away and then takes it down.... and you tell him youll see him later and walk away.....

in that moment charlie there was no thinking nothing at all, it was just that hurt that silent hurt.....

its not like he did smthing wrong he never told you he loved you or anything of that sort.....

nothing bout him.....

it was you, it was you just you all these years......

all this time !!!!!!!!

like you know sort of talking your way out through the obvs changes that were happening and yet holding onto what you still thought felt like love......

felt Love...

in that moment it wasnt even bout knwoing he actually has moved on and you decide too, there was not a single thought there.....

just that weird feeeeeeeeling !!!!!!!!!

few rounds come back home and just sleep with his music still playing..... like usually when the mind is disturbed or too tired from work you just cant sleep aise hee like it takes a lot of time to really feel like sleeping.....

happens with his music that morning....

hours later and there was a text from a number and it was yash, a meme thing...... and then asking if you were coming down and you dont go on whatsapp and jsut be.....

the next day that one morning message asking if you were up and then sends in some list of movies to watch.....

all this while it still was okay and that one morning message to asking if you were up....

these things nai charlie again normal but to you these were new.....

its that thing again being used to Him saying asking them sending messages like these, and now after a decade you see someone else doing it.....

it was that uneasy feeling in the stomach like knowing its normal casual it just felt ajeeb....

all this while  you hadnt even saved his number and still thinking what were you thinking when you did give.....

its like doing things that you def dont want to !!!!!!

its that thing where you sort of decide and go ahead just like that.... like bas uthe decide kiya no more bolke and just go ahead with life.....

its not like you dint give this logic a try or atleast a start but thats not you.....

in that try in that moment in that start it dosnt feel you.....

like you are the least you that you feel......

like it felt all the more ajeeb on a sunday.....

again that lil but to you you know what that one day used to mean to you.....

cause you did see glimpses lived glimpses of a life of a future with Him on almost all sundays till today..... its been years now like there are beauuuuutiful versions of a life that you dint even imagine wish for with Him.... and yet you were you still are.... and to that moment when he asks you to stay away on a very sunday......

also the reason why you chose to stay off whatsapp on sundays to now it did become being off work sort of thing too to be off whatsapp.....

like a day to yourself without being in touch with work too.....

and there it was ting after ting with msging asking if it really was your number cause you dint reply any.....

been off walk off evrtyhing else and just on your own.....

those mins of deleting the acc was when you did decide this time you will just let him be from here on like not see any of him on any of his social accounts..... like agar manager ka phone bhii ghar pe bhool gayi naai tabhiii nai.....

knowing realizing you cant anymore.....

to those hours to yourself did sort of help you in some way.....

to stick with what you did decide on to sort of understand yourself.....

you dont need another reason to get over one reason....

cause smtimes its not necessary that you hav to get over bhi......

cause getting over is like you are sort of getting rid of smthing from your life.... like you know shake it off you a habit or even someone.....

Him, its always been much much more to you than just a habit or just a random someone...

its not smthing that you can want to get rid of its smthing you live with......

it may not be the same way it may not feel the same way, but its still the other Him that you live with now.....