Lost in the head !!!!!

when you are struggling to not write just soooooooo you dont miss him more than you are already!!!!!!

its like in a way self control for many things.....

firstly and most importantly just soooo you dont miss him waaaaay more cause writin reliving Him from that very specific memory or moment tht you are reliving as you write does smthing more than normal and waaaay much more than just missing to you !!!!!

its a way you miss him that is beyond everything else, especially when you relive him in that moment in that very moment as you write......

and then you decide to stay off writing just so you sort of get a hold on yourself .....

then there are dreams or days like this one today.....

and just bout an hour back or more and you come across this news bout the never before kinda cyclone....

ek ye tha charlie....

when you see apart from the other things, when you see just see that he is here in hyderabad.... there was that sukoon in a way, weird beautiful way... knowing he is safe even if you dont see any of him, to just knowwwwwwwwwwwwww he is safe.....

and then there was that news of between state flights resuming and knowing his love for work he sure mustve been back to bombay.....

and with the obvs news bout it getting worser by the day there is that constant smthing building growing inside of you.... and you only a pray a bit more n stronger that being the only way you can pray wish n hope he is safe and healthy.....

and then there was this news today of a cyclone never before kinda thing to be or hopefully it dosnt hit bombay or even touch away.....

next two days being the timeline that they mention bout.....

and this one big swirl of strong smthing that rushes through you...... knowing he must be back as if the current scenario wasnt worse enough that this another never befre kinda smthing comes up....

there is that thing already with what the world suddenly has come to one place does smthing or dosnt in the immediate course of action and the world suffers, to the lives being taken away for no rhyme or reason based on the ethnicity and now this natures havoc.....

like why all of this all of a sudden....

kinda state of mind....

like nothnng i say nothing in the world or the news could possibly literally shake you away like this one thing to anything bout him.....

and this one swirl of rush through you in that very second as you follow up on the news......

like always all these years cant do a thing bout it neither can you know if he is safe and all.... now cant mail too.....

but that need to just be there wit him......

its that thing charlie smtimes you just cntttttttttttt help it !!!!!!!!

its that urge that smthin to just be with someone especially when it gets bad or scary in thsi case.....

you know it dosnt even make sense but in your way its finding that peace for that moment......

and you add him back knowing youll delete later but that strange weird feeeeeeeling in the stomach to just be there with him.......

now praying he should be safe !!!!!!!

in love, you just donnooooooo the things you do, theres no reasoning for it...... you just do.......

donnoo why but you just doo !!

this weird feeeeeeeeeeling now again.......

why couldnt hyd also be like bombay when it comes to his work !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIS MIND NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

things you know he is smart n independent enough now to take care of himself, he has people who love him enough to take care of him and yet this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling knowing it all too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!