Nights!!!!!

 This realisation now suddenly when you feel like this by end of the day specially at nights where you’d been wanting to write out these moments and then it comes down to playing these tracks eyes shut feet up glass of water topped with lots of ice……lights out candle lit and just be with the sound and the loop of him playing as you keep your eyes closed!!!!!

It’s only today when you realise despite of this want to write that much him it’s not happening cause in the mornings you just wake upto him and are like super high on him still from the moment from the moments from the dream that you just want to write it all out!!!!

By the end of the day this missing creeping in piling up mutiplying throug the day and by the end of the day there’s this much him in you with this looowwww feeeeeeel as you kiss him when miss becomes kiss auto correct I say…..with these realisations of how long it’s been seen him for real touched him for real sniffed him for real kissed him held him too many things been too long to how long it’s been since the block has been there constant it’s like all of him suddenly this version flows through you…and you are lost yet again!!

Like right now this moooood blame it on the candle blame it on the sound or blame it on spending last hour or more reading his chats cause you miss hearing him hearing from him that bad……..also why when the other day dinner place with model friend for her granny’s birthday some partner of the restaurant kiddingly through some hydbadi Hindi conversation calls you begum pass the plate on something and you instead mention it’s Shriya…

Right then your mom calls take the call and head out with that feel of him again as you talk to mom opposite side mirror thing there was this reflection of a guy white r shirt white shoe and there he was…….the Hrithik track plays Ishq jaisa something like movies all scenes in sync like it was made for you…….hang up and that feeeeel of the razaakh back then where he would call you begum and only after growing closer still friends he asks you what did you think the term begum meant and you tell him it was for a woman in hydbadi Hindi and he nods away that beauuuuuuutifullu on the gym steps and tells you it’s actually for wife……

Leaves the conversation there switches to something else!!!!!

Only now do you realise it mostky means that but also as a woman but primarily for a wife…

That one chat your mind keeps going back to when he mentions bout wanting to be friends with you and the next day blocks you back…

That night when he mentions bout being friend you still were happiest cause somehow it still meant to have him least on your WhatsApp stil be able to talk sometimes or the way it felt was taking it again from the start him being Razakh miya again…

Been 4 years now for that block too!!!!!!

Again when you didn’t want to touch this flow of thought right now but the sound made you just want to write one line out and like always one something bout him and the waaaaaay rest of it all starts to flow…

No wonder the way he had always had this affect on you when the morning starts with him waking up just after having lived a night of moemnts with him having lived that gorgeous gorgeous beauty of him that all you wanna do is write him all out and now at this hour this missing this longing as it grows with the passing hour….where you sometimes watch something and the very next day don’t even remember what did you do when…just sometime back play the Ferrari movie and sometime after shut it and just be in this himmode cause the missing lately at this hour been hitting differently!!!!!

How only!!!!!!!