How much2!!!!

 Soooo yeah it’s been rough few weeks as post accident it only started to worse the trigger as they call it was that visual of blood and that much blood on her on floor and the idea of you being on your own to hold her and not being able to do that that very instance cause you were having that immediate panic attack shivering breathlessly and you couldn’t hold for those a min or two and the security much later comes over as you were bout to hold her and grabs her instead and takes along to the car……that one min of something left the guilt conscience in you and the same visual of her that way kept playing over n over again to any moment of visual in movie or just around was giving you those and sometimes don’t even know what hat the reason was it still was happening for quite sometime now…

And you didn’t want to write that side cause of the way it was making you feel…….it’s been over a month now there hasn’t been any finally!!!!!

Last one week with major changes in store moving the workshop temporary upstairs within the studio was a big change till you find the kind of commercial store space that you are looking for….

That in a way made the routine under go many other changes and the routine of your everyday took a back seat last week or two se…….

Then amidst all this was the mahashivratri another one of your most looooved days of him!!!!!

Like the oneness it brings along every year is beyond!!

To that same question almost every year and you also know why she asks you that!!

First thing in the morning are you going to fast this year too and this year she actually asked another one too for a change are you going to fast Chetan style of no water this year too!!

And your heart beat suddenly went zoooooop on highest pace possible and you hold all of yourself on the inside and just with a nod say a yes and get into your room to get ready for work……

That one hour of getting ready and the question kept playing on loop n your mind!!!!!

Along with the visuals moments of him of that day as you were getting ready to leave and even at work that one beauuuuutiful lostness was there was that hiiiiigh of him from that morning dream that day and then there ewsd this lostness too just reliving him from that day!!!!!

Something’s nai even right now as you write out and relive him again from that day!!!!!!!