How much!!!!!

 HOW MUCH of him do you live and find through your days or dreams and for years now is just beyond logics…

Be it that girl sitting in one corner in the parking lot and you are on your way towards the car and that one look at her she was a tiny one looking at her mom prolly behind working on the lawns in the apartment…..go to her ask her was she her mom and she nods and you ask her if she would like a chewing gum like bubble gum cause that’s all you had in terms of chocolate with you and she happily nods away with that instant spark in her eyes and you give her the pack and ask her not to swallow but just chew and she says telsu akka and just before turning back to the car you ask her what her name was and she happily smiles away saying it’s Chetana…

OFCOURSE it had to be like you literally say it out ofc no wonder the pull and stop and stare cause it wasn’t even in your way it was on the complete other side……and from the second you got back in the car it takes a u turn and on to the lane to the main gate the girl was still looking at you with that very very happy smile on her and you wave her back..

To that moment when in a traffic jam a kid in the next car looks through wearing that same red n navy striped collar shirt of his rubs his nose over the window and you do the same starts to draw something and waits for you to the same but your love for windows and making sure it’s swquaky clean there was no chance for you to draw the same and instead waves at you and wave back….

To that very next a intern interview for the store and her name too Chetana and you even before giving her a go wondering how am I going to go on saying her name and not smile not feeeeel the way his name does make you feel on the inside…

To that moment when at a cafe Prateek Kuhad track plays and some guy walks past by and all you had your eyes on was the white shoes on the guy and trippin back to the gym days watching living loving adooooooring him walking around in them how it was like your heart walking around in the gym right there!!!!

To the therapist appoint last one and she asks you to close your eyes and asks you what’s that one thing you want the most right now need the most right now!!!!!

It was just him and all him that you could see and still couldn’t utter a single word cause you didn’t want to continue another round up on this topic too……and you just smile and open your eyes and the way she comments how that one question made you smile the happiest smile she has ever seen on you and immediately asks you who is he!!!!!

Yessss this is also one topic you didn’t want to write out but now that’s it over you had to go see a therapist post moms accident……

Cause that also made you realise the choking the breathlessness that you were having frequently post accident was also something you used to back then as a kid post incident and now years after it did happen again post moms accident and it’s called as panic attacks!!!!

Which till then you weren’t aware of!!!!!

Like it used to happen sometimes when your dad used to scream or anybody talking louder used to give you that sense of choking that you couldn’t speak for the time being…..

And that somehow disappeared after his entry into your life!!!!!

It was that air of something beyond magic tat we walked through your life with and the waaaalk the more you write out the less it always will be…!

That walk of his ayyyyaaaaaaaaa a zillion kids of the world on one side and that one him on the other and he will always be the most adoooooooooooooooorable being ever to be made I say!!!!!!!!

Even writing it now reliving him ayyyaaaaaaaaa he absolutely was your complete heart I swear!!!!!!