Highs n lowwes!!!!!

 It’s this mixed vibe days you are livin lately!!!!!

Go out find him in places moments and sounds and that one level of khushiii it lands you in is beyoooooond!!!!

Coming home that one falllll that one loweewwwwwe it hits is also beyond!!

Yesterday post work the model friend asks to meet somewhere and from there to the plan of seeing this new bistro place for fathers thing!!!!!!

The vibe the place and the first time that one feeeeeeeeeel to be with him there cause the second you enter the place they were playing bohmer and the likes of him……order the mildest drink possible like literally ask for what’s the mdest cause you didn’t want to himtalk out when high in a public space and this one time some conversation and this one guy passes by and the track playing hey ya over his phone showing it to his friend asking you remember this track……and the sound of that track and that one stronggggggg pull of Him and you literally had to stop the guy asking which one it was and stops by to show had to be one of His moemnts!!!!!!!

It was from the movie you’d seen with him in the theatre when you wrote last and delete it immediately cause don’t wanna kill this vibe of the morning like this one…

Ever since then one ear pug in and play that track on loop for a bit as she gets busy on some shootcall but that viiiiiiibe that feeeeeeel when you missed him the most the second you enter the place that one big wish to be there with him as you loved the music the space something bout the asthetics and then to find him in some sound was beyooooond!!!!!!

It’s that rush of him all through the evening to coming back home and the way it all starts to rush from the very start and that one missing mode lost mode it lands you in still thinking bout the wish of wanting to be there with him…

To playing his some artist tracks that you found your lil peace back again and sleep to it still browsing through the tracks…….

And this time tho it’s absolute absolute MADNESS when he comes the same exact way for 5 times in a row wearing the same sexyyyyyyyyeeee black sheeer softest shirt in the same ways of his missing, what’s even happening when switching sides to sleep to luterallly sniffing his scent away and the waaaaaay he pulls you to the wall and the saaaaame exaaaaaact feeeeel sound touch taste of him the exaaaaact same rush and the waaaaaay he keeps saying the same word over n over again as moves over you holding you don’t give up don’t give up and then just don’t pls dont it’s the word plus the seeeeexxxxxxxxxyyyyyyyyyyiest way he was saying it in that low tone of his holding you pulling you closer…….

It’s also what makes you miss him the most living his rush living his missing for you in that way and then to wake up still with this confusion you just donnoooo!!!!!!

This morning toooo you wake up with that dream rush of him and soon as the alarm goes off you still turn instead of getting off the bed and that scent of him again that you could still smell beside you and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that very moment your heart I swear that one big jump it lived in that moment!!!!!!

And you wake up to see him and realise you were up finally but  still half asleep with that lil amount of sleep you managed!!!!!!

To see him in that same shirt then to see him that way then to sniff him that way then to touch him that way then to breathe him that way and then to wake up and not find him that way this mind right now too!!!!!!

It’s that need that urgency to get in the workout and then to live him more!!!!  

And then to live him again as you move move along with you again when you stop in between close your eyes for a bit and make another wish in that very moment this morning…….

I swear charlie the waaaaaaaays you can feeeeeeeel him move touch feeeeel you along as you move that in sync and aligned with you is something else only!!!!! 

This mind already THIS high on him!!!!!

And that too on a day with too much work to tackle in one day how only you are going to have a straight mind to think and follow work with this HIMHIGHD!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 There were many times when he would take you home and leave in his sisters room to be with her sometime and there were these versions of him that you used to get to live of him in that time…

Initially the way he would have that happy smile on and as time passed by the waaaaaaay his smile would change his complete face would and this one time the way he mentions this as you go to him after she leaves for the shower saying you had this exact change on your face when you talk bout his face changing every time he came to the room…….the waaaaay he instead talks bout your face and that was also making him come show his face to you cause he missed seeing that expression on you of missing him and he loved seeing that on you……..

Something’s you write now and this feeeeeeeeeeel now!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 At his place spending time with his sister in her room and the way he keeps coming and checking on you initially happy that you were having a good time with her and later the more he comes the way smile goes a lil every single time and this one time you were laying over her bed and with her beside and looking at the ceiling upside down on the edge of the bed……

And he comes closer in a way trying to tell her something but the way as she turns to get something to give him the waaaaay he brings his face closer to yours and just stays that way……there was that instant rush in the way he comes that close and to live a moment like that one for the first time over the bed in that position there was that rush in you and in him when he again comes back to the room and stands there this time he looked different the way he was looking at you looked different and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeel in you to runnnnnnnnnnn to him just the waaaay he stood there at the door looked at you and went back to his room…

Mins after his sister literally makes an announcement in a way telling him too that she was heading for the bath in a way that was your green signal to run to him and the second she heads to his dads room for the shower you runnnn to his room his room door stil shut and before you knock he opens the door and pulls you and closes the door and takes you to the all out corner of his room that you used to call it back then as it used to have those mosquito things back then beside his bathroom and he would always unplug it one hand with the other in that rush as he pulls your hair and takes you to that corner……..it’s that rush in him that missing in him even writing it now your hands shiver it was THAT much like you could feeeeeel it in the way he was breathing high in his look that stare you can never forget the waaaaaay he looks you in the eye and pulls the hair a lil more and pushes you against the wall and just looks at you as you tryi to go closer to chummi him the way he pulls you back instead and just looks you in the eye and that one nod of his and you were done and you still try to go closer to chummi him and he again does the same thing and that restlessness in you and that one smiiiiiiiiiiile of his just watching you that way and eventually finalllllllkly kisses you away it wasn’t just a kiss that prolly was the first time he literally chummi eats your face up one time when he pushes you a lil hard against the wall and you make the tiniest sound not even a complete sound as you were still in the moemnt but as it hurts your back or something and the waaaaaaaay he stops the kiss and moves a lil away and you couldn’t take that distance for a second and you go closer and the waaaaaaaaaaay he chuckles away in between saying areee lemme see if it hurt you and you nod not wanting him to move away and that rushhhhhh of him again………the waaaaaaaaay he was moving all of you over you just moving in that rush his breath his hand all and any of him and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him having missed you and it was in that moment when his sister comes and stands and you see her and scares the out of you……..

And the waaaaaaay he literally dancing screaming away takes her back to the room and runs back to you saying ok let’s continue and by then you were in tears with that shame guilt or something that being caught by her…….it’s like having caught by a kid kinda feeeeel it felt worse then and the waaaaaay he holds you and makes you sit down on the floor him against the wall and he pulls you in between his legs and just holds you saying just stay this way for a bit as you keep telling him to go to his sister and check on her……but the way he keeps saying no pls stay this way I need this for a bit and that feeeeeeeeeeel suddenly when he holds you that way holding all of you away with all of him at the back….like the tears stop fataaaak se and you tell him this feels good nai and the waaaaaaaay he fataaaak se in that adoooooorable tone tells you so now we can continue as this is feeling good!!!!!

Something’s you write and relive that sound of his voice saying the same thing away as you write now!!!!!   

Ayyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that sound of him that love of his!!!!!!!!

HIM meraaaaaa pooooooora ka poooooooooora heart and everything in between I say!!!!!

Doo!!!!!

 U try you dooo try do your best to sober up to try your level to get back to normal mode normal mood of mind like miss the random things bout him think of the random things bout him to as simple as the way he used to walk to stand in the lift or just adooooorablh get mad at you like you know normal things missing and then there comes this one dream and he keeps coming the only and exact way for over 3 mornings now…….

How like how do you even put the belts on your mind hold back your mind the waaaaaaaaaaay it just plays on loop on your mind the waaaaay he looks at you first then pulls you closer it’s like all of it any and every bit of exaaaaaactlu how you lived the same exact moment with him in his room….

Only this time it’s this him from the dreams is the him from today so it’s not even like you are replaying the very same moment intentionally on your mind even writing out now this one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of his hands in the hair and the waaaay even writing it now it’ gives you that shake n shiver and HOW!!!!!!

Am telling you nai charlie some nights have this lilst spark of magic and madness and the waaaaay this one tonight feels the same and what better way to peak the madness away than to play his tracks ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this feeeeeeeeeel of him this you ityrandorms you away in a sec of a moment and how!!!!!!

The word…!

 How like how does this even land you in this mooooood this viiiiiibe of some nights!!!!!!

Playing this word puzzle over the book with the music playing sipping over a milddddder martini it’s like a slow night as you give up on looking for some movie and just wanted to be without the hush…

Laying over the floor playing the puzzle in the book and every single time this one band cigarettes after sex brings his line back every single damn time…I have cigarettes!!

When you share him a track of the band and he says this…………

It’s this mind this mooooood it’s lands you in even after the workout today when your model friend drops over without even telling you and brings over your ultimate fav banana pudding from magnolia that you’ve been off over 2 months now with this new no sugar thing….and this one game she starts off with it’s a word game to say the first thing that comes to your mind when you say some random word…with a time limit who takes more time loses it…

It’s when with almost a series of words and every single word it’s all him you could think of and you just couldn’t help just couldn’t help but smile every single time you had to skip it cause obvs you couldn’t have said his name out to ring with the word along…and the way this other friend immediately notices that and asks you who is he!!!!!

It’s this haaaaalat of yours it’s landed in ever since that one same dream on repeat 3 nights in a row or mornings actually and for the first time you dumma at work for 2 days in a row cause you just COULDNT think straight or be normal or get back to normal…….

Even now as you were still at it playing the game and finding words and as you turn position this one strongggggggg feeeeeeeeel of his hand over your hair just like he used to pull it exactly that same feeeeeel from the dream too to this very moment seconds back that sameeeee pull and the waaaaay it shakes you to makes your mind trip on all those moments you lived that feeeeeo for real and to think of it now it was always when athis place in his room…

It’s this instanttttttt feeeeeeeeeeel of him it fills you with not sure if even the midlerrrrrr martini is working or it’s just this beauuuuuuty of him magic at this hour and suddenly this one inside feeeeeeeel of him that’s rushing through you RIGHT NOW NOW!!!!!!!

Saving the pull away and HOW!!!!!!!!!

In your eyes!!!!!

 When he has beeen comiuiiiiuuu g the sameeee waaaaaaay every morning possible and then yeterday also comes in the shower toooo ayyyaaaaaaaaaa when you mix martini with vodka and this mind it’s landed you in daruuu after a break turns out baaad baaaaaad idea I say!!!!!

Either you darruuu or no daruuu at all there no giving break to the daaaru and then daruu again!!!!!

Cause this mind right nowwww dancing away having this himhyyyyyyd party on and how I say!!!!!!

Pulls you closer throws you literally against the wall and chummi eats your face away and howwwwwwwww to feeeeeelijfw the sameee ditto moemnt in the shower when sunitee leaves the floor allll tickyyy away and you skip slip against the wall and showerrr ayutoanyic gets on and that feeeeel over the neckeeee it leaves you with that same exaaaaact feeeeel from the morning alsoooo what did he exaaactu do the same way back then in his room too secons before caught by his sister!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaa thissssss feeeeeeeeeleeeeeee right nowwwwwww wen u don’t care bout the rext of the tack but this one line I seeeeeeeee mussssssiz in your euyeees cause that’s wzaaaaactly how you felt every single time zoooop boljeeeee diving awayaaaaa into his stareeee ayaaaaaaaaaa this mind right nowwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Dancing skipping away to this one tripppppchippppy track I say that’s making you feeeeeleeee things awaaaaay how temeeee howwwww do u even puttt brekluuuu to a state of mind like this to him a dream like that oneeee howww u sit and temmeee how u are struggling to write type and yet this aboiii immeeediateeeeeee ugency to write out this feeeleeeeee this mossssing abiiii ekkkk abiiiii!!!!!!!

Wearinge him pinkflouyf feeeleeeeeing him awyaaaaaa and howwwwwww I seeeeeeeeeeee musicxxxxxxx in youreeeee eueyeeeeeesssssssssass this vibeeeeee righteenoewwwwww!!!!!!!

Him I sayaaaaaaa urondonteee even neeed his psybeediey just him hyddddddd and hwoeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Like aowyeees cgaelie it’s just him enougheee u woudneyet even a need a psybeediey ever I syaaaaa higheeeeer u tkeheeee meeeeeeee I s eeeeeeee musicxxxxxx in youreeee eyessssss!!!!!!!!!

Andddddd!!!!!!

 Anddddddddd you are able to post again!!!!!!!

The second it shows done some missings you just CANT hold back in I say!!!!!!

Nah just only can’t!!!!!!!!

To live!!!!!!!

 This THIS BEAUUUUUUUTY!!!!!!!!

When you’ve been trying almost night trying to log back in and then just be and play his music away and when he comes like this ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart to live that rush of his for you and HOW!!!!!!!!!

Like how could he possibly miss you that much THAT MUCH and still not be!!!!!!!!

Something’s never make any sense especially after last night this morning actually the waaaaay he was saying things away holding you pulling you closer moments that sound of him to live that feeeeeeeel of him making you feeel live his love for you and then wake up still not find him the distance everything in the real world doesn’t make any sense…

Like you wake up real late post alarm and skip work cause was feeling the worst lost possible it’s him telling you things makes it al the more beauuuutofully worse hearing things after years in his exact tone of voice assuring you holding you and then to this…..

And you straight away get into strength training and this one track he shares introducing you world of nicolas and turns on his side of the mic on Skype where you could hear his side of music playing and this one starts off with drums and he leans a lil back adjusts the sleeves of his full sleeve tee and leans over to your side with that lookin his eyes it’s like every track he has ever shared over Skype comes with exact visual of his from that very moment….to you that moemnt of him playing that track on his side of the window was like drum rolls to his entry like your heart living that moment filmy absolute moment with people around playing drums as he makes his entry and you were smiling away in that very moment and he keeps raising his eyebrows asking you what ur mind was upto and you didn’t want to share the Bollywood moemnt of his entry happening on your mind cause he had mentioned not to talk anything love or mush and it was happening on that big scale on your mind there he comes bolke!!!!!

Visuals I swear charlie that loooooooooove to live the random most moments of him too like every track thus clear with a visual of his…and as you like his music he shared with you you ask which one was his side playing and he asks you to look for it and find it on your own it’s by the same artist…back then there was no Shazamming it away and today between the sets as this track plays that one visual of him leaning a lil back and then towards you closer to the screen and you appears along with the track…

Be it the visuals from his dream this morning the sound of his voice the sound of him breathing with that rush closer to your neck it’s this mind THIS mind you donno what to do bout!!

That level of Khushi as with next sets it’s all him there leaning closer with that one sexyyyyyyyyyyy amuptosomething face of his ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one BEAUTY I swear!!!!!!

To the himversions to feel him in your waking state LIKE THIS absolute magic or absolute madness I say!!!!!!

Moves across your back to that feeeeeel suddenly over and around your neck exactly the way he did come this morning in the dream too………

To just live this feeeeeeeeling also why you stop beech beech mein cause it takes your hopes high how high you just have no idea charlie…

To just watching this another beauty of him on you now when weeks back your mom insists on getting some other chain as that broke and you go to this jeweller asking if they could redo the same one with a tiny heart, where it broke and with smaller circles…

To get it yesterday wear it and this feeeeeeeeeeeel cause that moemnt truly had your heart cause the way he holds it trying to pull you closer in the dream with that same face and look in his eyes nodding away and to wake up and see the chain actually broken was almost living a real moemnt in the dream and waking after too!!!!!

That one link that one moemnt that made you believe it all away!!

Add heart cause it had his hand on it again somethings you write out what only why only how only I say!!

THIS!!!!!

Trying logging back in for past one hour cause you just had to write out this one before it goes!!!!!

Again not sure how why what but this realisation in sync what you’ve been feeling already!!

Like it’s all coming together feeling the same again all over again in the best way possible…

Cause be it that moemnt of going out for the movie with your mom and a friend and straight to the parking lot after very long cause mom needed the lift directly and as you get off and the waaaaaay the security check you just stand there looking at the box there men standing there for checks as it’s excluded for women and not a single one and then there’s this one white shirt guy comes over and you leave your mom everything and just stand there looking at that guy over the box with the back towards you and the way raises the arm naaaah not him and that feeeeeel that neeeeed to shut your eyes then n there to relive him and that beauuuuuuty of him the waaaaaaay he would raise his arms widest possible with his head up like just bout to take that flight the MOST GORGEOUS bird in human form EVER!!!!!!

And somebody just grabs your arm pulling to the side and screams watch it and some car breaks that close and loud towards you cause until then you couldn’t hear a sound nothing that’s how lost you were in that moment reliving him from back then….

Him out from some movie and then these guys used to hand out some pamphlets to people coming outside and you were just walking out looking at him saying something like he was saying something and you just looking at him without looking at the front and the waaaaaay he that adooooooooooorably screams at you and pulls your arm back like holding you back and screams at the guy as you look in the front and the guy was that close to your body…….and one look back at him still mad at the guy and you smiiiiiling away looking at him still holding your hand being mad at you too…

Like from there to in the lift he still was mad mumbling away slowly dekhke kyu nai chalte ki he was almost going to touch you in the wrong place he was that close to you and stuff but still holding your hand that close to him….and when out still holding hand and just stop outside and look down showing him how he had his hand tightly holding yours and look up at him again and smile away and the waaaaaaaay he would shy away calling you howli as him being that way too made you happy away and how!!!!!

It was like the almost same exact moment after having relived him in the most gorgeous of his many forms!!

To passing by many places and finally crossing that one spot and you notice melting moemnts his ice cream place was back again in the same exact spot it was a smaller one though but in the exact space it was back and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one khushi I swear……

If it wasn’t for the max mad traffic today you would’ve looooved to go there today only…

Ayyyaaaaaaaa some days I swear to that moemnt of being in the lift of gvk next and that feeeeeel every single time him standing at the corner and the waaaaaaay he made his way to you closer to you even being that crowded and shields you away with all him that you could seee feeeo live some moemnts and the waaaaaaays they can make you feel every single time is beyond any logic what so ever…

Jammed!!!!

 In the jam turning off music and this need to write whilst you still can and are able to access!!!!

The way it’s been on mind lately this realisation that ever since you started this journey of writing out his missing he didn’t meet you after like earlier when it was telling him you missed him you still were able to meet him hear from him see him live love him and that all changed…..

Switching back to walking or for run in the evenings lately also feels like going back in time just like you used to back then and he would call or text when in walks randomly…..

It’s been on mind the way it’s been like going back in time that sense of meeting him again kinda strange vibe…

Now strangely you exactly know what this means if not being able to access here or not write out your missing or moments out tabhi ke tabbi…..or not being able to read all these missing and moments out on late nights but the way it’s still feeling like getting closer to him…

How you still donno!!!!!!!

What’s this even but this one strong feeeeeeeeling!!!!!!

How!!!!!!

This!!!!

 Not sure if this would continue and won’t be able to post again when you suddenly realise not being able to write out the missing here how would that feel!!!!!

As and when you try to access it says your most lived one word for years BLOCKED can’t access!!

What only how only!!

Okay charlie here it goes just in case you been good and thank you for that!!!!!

First dog you ever get if you do ever will def be named this Charlie…!

GVK!!

 This one thing constant every single time you be at or leave from GVK…

Years it’s been and still!!!!!!!

Every single time this one feeeeeel of him in multiple corners and then at the exact same place to live a similar moment as back then!!

This mind right now!!!!!!!!!!!

How only just like that!!!!!!!!

Daaaays!!!!

 It’s this vibeeee some days and moments can have on you nai!!!!!

His words be it in the recent chat reads like till morning hours was your time with him still talking to you kinda vibe…the Skype chat recalls the moments with him at his Dd space going through his bachoan ka notebook on his desk his guitar his jimjam biscuit dabba banana chips ka dabba his love for dairy milk and the wasaaay it always used to make you feel he hasn’t changed a bit not even the slightest and be grateful for it!!!!!

Only now realising the chat time how long it’s been since you last spoke or heard a word from him it’s all sinking differently now!!!!!!

Like a realisation u were refusing to accept all this while strangely feels weirder writing out now…….

And last night there was that much to write and with the summer heat the hectic schedule and plus to top that him highfddd with that intense workout yesterday you passed out again skipping dinner away!!

The first thing in the morning waking up with that feeeel of not having seen him felt weirder…….having coffee now and the waaaay the mind kept going back to his talks from his Dd space and on Skype too telling you warning you making sure you were safe with kids around too kept rushing through you…

He truly absolutely and whole fully loved you and HOW!!!!!

Even post bup having told you that just once at Versova but the waaaay his actions definitely spoke louder than his words like always…!

It’s a mixed vibe today hoping it gets better through the day…

Heart is that full of too many things him at once!!!!!!

Sound of Him!!

It’s been too much on mind too much missing too much realisation and too many dreams and this moment one moemnt!!!!!

Yesterday skipping lunch cause of work and then post lunch that need to just be away and head to concu order the current summer fav smoothie bowl and get on working on designs with ears wrapped in his music…and the order comes you take out the ear plugs for a second and that one sound of the name kittuuuuuu plssssss!!!!!!!!

I swear anything at all with that tiniest hint of him anything him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaays it makes you feel is beyond!!!!!!

Look to the side where the sound came from and there was this mom with a very tiny baby and a lil elder kid tho with the care taker but still was struggling to handle the older one and as you look at that fellow collared white t shirt exactly like his and yellow chaddis but white shoes again one turn of the kid and the waaaaay the kid smiiiiiles away at you…….comes running to you literally and the first thing you ask ofc your name is kittu and just nods away leaning over your leg……

The mom gets off apologising to you and takes the kid away and trying struggling to make kittu eat something off the dabba as was demanding something off the menu…

And keeps turning and looking at you and you ask the mom if you could help her to try to feed the kid and her asking if it’s okay with you all and in your heart ofc it’s kittuuuu after all….

Take the dabba ask the kittu to come and surprisingly this kittu did come……happily who bhi!!!!

Again same position leans over your leg smiles away and also more surprisingly happily eats it in first spoon itself without saying a no……I swear charlie to see the kid in that collared t shirt and white shoes ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ek meraa kittuuuuuu how only prolly the adoooooooooooooorablest in the world ever be it his kid phase or now ayyyaaaaaaaaaa he is a walking talking breathing form of your actual whole poooora heart I say!!!!!!

Like those few mins kittu asking your name and stuff and what you do and happily standing away that way was beauty in randomness I say!!!!!!

Like you forget to eat your own food cause all you could see was him in that robe and small cap of his childhood him in school uniform as a kid ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa heights of cuteness I say!!!!!!!

Once done the mom insists on gifting you a brownie pack and you refuse saying it’s kittu after all and you were more than happy to help as it’s your most fav name in the world…she sits down at your table instead hoping for some more conversation on that doesn’t happen though cause it was just the lil one that brings back those glimpses of your most loved kittuuuu in the world!!!!!!

Some moments and the waaaaaaaaaaay they can make you feeeel is beyond happiness the waaaaay all those flashes of him sounds of him of being careful with kids these days as you were working at the school back then…

To those chats rewinds of being saying things being around and then…….

It was all a mixed feeeeel but toooooooo many feeeeels of him suddenly rushing through you!!!!!!

And yesterday when you come back home with that incident at the mall too the sound of him constant in your head and you just had to head out for a run as you have switched to evening runs or walks around apartment…….

And post that need to finally feeeeeeel that feeeeelif of himversions!!!!!!

And the waaaaaaaaaaaaay all over again feeling his touch across you that sense of him that strongly still doesn’t make sense!!!!!!!

This morning again no dream and this feeeeeel again of missing out on seeing him!!!!!

Kittuuuuu!!!!!!

 When you spend your late afternoon with kittuuuu ayyyaaaaaaaa co incidences like these you come back home with and you just had tooooo!!!!!!!

More coming soon but this face right now is when you realise why you looooooved it that mad bad in the first place!!!!!

This feeeeeeeeee of feeeeeeeeelinf after this long and this face right now like the second you step out to get some more water post stretch himversions your mom says your face suddenly looks happier from what it’s been looking last 2 days se!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa when anything him makes you feeeeel this way that shows all over you this evidently!!!!!

Singh miyaaaaaaaaa tum kaisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaa yaaaaad areeeee miyaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaa if he only had the slightest idea bhi!!!!!!!

Itteeeeeeee saaaaaal kittteeeeeee saaaaaaal kitttuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

When you can’t stop smiling even in shower now and just had to write out this very Khushi this very rush of him right now right now!!!!!!

Words!!!!!

 On your way to work and browsing random panda videos and this one word post pops up on the feed some words and this in sync with the mooood you are in already!!

Not any love, just that love…

And this has been on your mind for quite sometime now even in the crowd there are zillion heads in the crowd and then there’s that search for just that one face in the crowd no matter where you are like it takes you back to those random mall dates with him just walking around where the two of you would just randomly walk around different sections him mostly majorly in women section of Kurtis and you in the men’s wear in your mind this would look great on him this color on him this style on him and then him texting you are you done am at this corner and you come out looking for him and that very moment always ALWAYS finding him his face and the waaaaaaaaaaay his face would light up looking at you finding you as you were looking for him he too was……like share that spark of magic spark of electric vibe in that moment shared and lived with him…it’ never used to be like oh there he is, found you, it’s always like oh wow finally Him there he was……and the waaaaaaaay every single time it used to make your heart THAT happy seeing him finding him looking at you like that smiling away like that not a word that distance in between and yet there were that many I love you’s shared in those few seconds…

And the second you get in the car him still smiling you still smiling looking at him and the way he would say every single time nai it feels that way and then the way he would rush for the chummi!!!  

It’s never been bout any love to find and love and be loved, it’s always been bout loving him, being loved by Him…

Not any love, just that Love…!

Mooood!!!!!

 This moooood you wake up with spending all night reading him with his music……

And years after it still amazes you how every single by him as u read you hear him saying it in the different tones he used to say some words in….

Be it your name by him or other words like words with their each tone of his voice he used to say em in…

It was like spending a night hearing him talk it was a low low mood last night with that much missing!!!!!

It’s that need to find some way of feeeeling him closer last night and as you lay over the couch lights out his music playing the way it all felt like he was sleeping by your side his lips closest to your ear and him whispering away telling you things away it’s like almost every line you could that clearly hear him say it to you and not just reading his chats…

This morning no dream no see again and this still mood that you are in……….

Missing lately!!!!!!!

A lot more different lately!!!!!!!!!!

And waking up inn the mornings to this view on the phone lately!!!!!!!

Zoned!!!!!

 It’s that feeeeeeel charlie of living your life in a blink of a moemnt and that one content feeeeeeel it fills you up with in that moment you were all and more filled wit that…..

Like after living that moemnt every conversation of hers every sound they played there your ears mind all of you on the inside went blur over……

It’s like with eyes open you still were living him with those moments of just before coming over to your side and over you at opera the way he would always stop pause look at you play some specific track and that one smiiiiile and then that rush in him and then come over you to those moments stepping down the stairs after dropping you home again you dropping him back till the lift he would always hold you again in that rush and live a moment again and that smiiiiiile in the lift as he goes down!!!!!

At his place on Holi across the table showing you his color of love on you by moving his hand over his own neck and winking away at you cause that’s how happy it was making him seeing it on you…….

It’s like one visual of his to another mind eyes were literally trippin on him with that music in his place all with eyes open…

From that moment to drive back home to even watching some random stupid action film holding your mind off writing and the one line it ends with would you again!!!!!!

It’s always been Him, just this beauuuuuuutifully all of Him!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 Still reliving it all like the main visuals of him main moments him in the lift from Bangalore moments to him in the car just bout to leave for Bombay and comes early morning to see you and you get down with Sai baba vibudhi from home to put that safety tilak over him and he already had it on his forehead face out from the window with mango on the seat beside…..

And he tells you how the same habit his sister had just before he leaves for a journey thing and instead moves his face to the side and shows you his cheek instead like asking you to put the vibudhi over his cheek saying who made that rule of it being applied only on the forehead and you happiest apply lil over his cheek and just feel his face along with that moemnt as he leans a lil more outside the window and let’s you live your moemnt of feeling him…

To the moemnt of him coming closer and whispers away in your ear I don’t want to but have to and that moment of lights blinking of his car in his ghar ka lawn it’s like every single moment literally flashes throug your mind and it’s only after a bit you open your eyes and the way she comments about how you had that smile constantly on as you were thinking bout it and even mentions you would for sure live it all over again the same way nai look at your face…..

And you just add in a heartbeat more than happily would wouldn’t change a thing but maybe love him more hold him closer live him more this time…..each time!!!!!!

Love him more each time!!!!!

This heart right now!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s this thing bout visuals of life charlie that sort of in a way make you realise the facts of your life all over again when you relive it this way like today that nonsense random moment of random guy waiting outside took you back to all those times him waiting outside the washroom and the waaaaaay he would stand there hands in his pockets leg crossed looking you in the eye smiling away as you walk towards him and the way he would always ask you to come a lil more closer in public space too……like look down and nod asking you to come closer and you do with each step and then look at you again and smileee away that adoooooooorably saying how much he loved that feeelinf of you walkin towards him for him…….

Some visuals!!!!!!!!

He has always been that complete heart of yours right from the very start and that one fixed space for life right from the very start!!!!!!!!!

It’s like something you are THAT sure of in life has always been Him…!

Visuals!!!!!

 Like from that moment of his entrance in your life to the staircase coffee breaks with him to the stadium moment to the walks on street number 8 from one corner of the street to the end of the street talking random stuff and you don’t realise you finished the walking the entire street as he comes by one evening parks his car and he asks you if you would like to walk still as friends cause he couldn’t take you along on drive back then and walking talking adoring him one street to the end of the long stretch of the street and it was only once you teach there looking around do you both realise how far you’d come and laugh away over didn’t even realise…..and as you look around a auto stops by and he immediately looks at you in a way asking if you wanted to take it and you nod a no and then ask him if he wanted to and he nods back and you again walk back all that way to back to your spot of beside the building……

And as you land back there him in that super confident tone says soon will take you out for a drive and you laugh over it saying it’s not possible at all and he just nods over that with that one smile of his that always used to speak a zillion things away which he wouldn’t say it words sometimes……and gets back in the car with you still wondering why did he nod that way why did he smile that way that felt that different……

As he turns the car still constantly looking you in the eye and then waves back and leaves with those multiple honks in a row like talking to you in his own way……which he used to a lot driving through that lane he would call you ask you to come out in the balcony and honk away downstairs at the apartment and ask you if you could hear him this too as friends and then ask you if you could hear why he couldn’t see you as it was in the dark side of the front of the building the Main Street…..

It’s like one complete circle today there at hard rock living these moments eyes shut with that one question with a heartbeat you would relive it all every single moment every single feeeeeel wish moment lived with him relive it all all over again……

With him over your lap asking you that question same galli to waking on your own in that same galli missing him away in the evenings post bup to this very moment here missing him away this bad knowing this is where it would land you to still relive it all all over again!!!!!!!

Words!!!!

 Like stay there for a bit and head out with her down and she mentions bout a drink at hard rock and there it was that one place not the same location though but the sound of music that you could hear from out too the guitar the fataaaak visual of his some picture dp from back then playing the guitar in brown tones looking his superrrr chilled gorgeous look with full grown daaadi in his easy chilled best style of sitting over a bean bag or couch it was and playing the guitar…

To just that one place and you couldn’t say a no and as you are there from random conversations gossip to that one thing she drops on you bout yiy sitting on your own there…..

Talking bout life in general and bout her breakup and stuff and talks bout how she wishes she could go back and correct that mistake in her life and then drops that question on you asking you what if you had a chance to go back and relive it all over again would you do the same thing or would change something or skip something pause something or just live it as it is knowing this is where it would land you at!!!!

And right then that one filmy moemnt some track change beat change some blue saxophone track starts close your eyes like it was that perfectly filmy and insync with that vibe of the moemnt sound of the instrument and her words along wit it…

And those flashes of looking for a gym heading inside golds gym and your mom ready to finalise and you didn’t want to and the auto wala takes some wrong turn and you see this one talwarkars on the side and instead head here……walkin and you decide this was it fill up the form and there it was your life ready to be changed forever and HOW!!!!!

To those flashes of him walking through that door in his adooooooorablest unique way of walking over the blocks with those wide steps and how the waaaaaaay it jus held you that very moment every single time you relive and write the waaaaaaaay it’s still this clear even when recalling the same one at hard rock eyes shut him walking that walk towards you and the way he stops and slowmo looks up at you directly looking you in the eye and shows you down you were standing over his block and as you take a step back he comes a step closer this time to you like that close to your nose your face was his……and then almost smiles just doesn’t smile fully and you move away realising you were that close and that LOST in him!!!!!!

And as he takes those same steps towards the changing room you were still lost in him and he goes to the room at the entrance turns around smiling finding you still standing there lost in him like again he was that THAT sure you were still standing there watching him that he already had that smile on him!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa some moments you relive and write now!!!!!!

THIS very feeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him right now!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Today there was this mixed feel weird feels bout loving and losing people you love…

18th you lost your brother and 2 days after that’s 20th is the birthday……and you just wanted to be on your own away from it all after spending the day with mom…

Drop her back home and head out again that one question from the driver where to and you just didn’t know what to answer to that and it just comes out as hard rock and the driver instead takes it to the hi tech city one!!!!!

Land there and see there it was this one page back then he had liked bout the coffee place in Bombay and it was here now in Hyderabad so head there instead……

It’s this feeeeel again as you enter and lookup at the menu wondering what he would have which one he would choose and randomly pick the honey cappuccino take a corner seat and just be with earphones plugged in…..

At two tables across there was some product photography taking place and you just sit there working on some design on the phone as with the casual wear it’s become more hectic working on designs weekly basis and suddenly you see this shadow over you the photographer standing there in hand actions asking you to pause or take the earphones out and as you pause the music starts to talk like suddenly it’s always this beautiful feeeeeeeling with glimpses of him as the track plays and you pause and back in reality and this fellow standing asking if you would like to share your break as the guy needed the break from the shoot and wanted to know what music you were listening to and smiling away sketching something……you just couldn’t say a word everytime there’s a question bout you smiling on your own makes you realise that’s how lost you were in him……

Asks again this time saying as you were alone the guy would like to share the break and music with you and just couldn’t cause firstly mind wasn’t feeling right as it is just rethinking bout that feeeeo of losing people you love in life in whichever way that is and then just when you find your peace in that moment in his place in a way with music and in your zone and this one randomness happened……

Just because you are alone that doesn’t mean you need company or are looking for one just say that and head over to the washroom not cause you wanted to get away but it was suddenly that realisation of rushing for the washroom……head over in and trying to flush it you repeat the same thing that you did back then with him on that long drive out and that first outskirts restaurant he takes you and you literally break the panel of the flush thing and come out and start laughing over it and the way he laughs along with you without even knowing why and then says kya karke aayi bey look at your face and still laughing over your clumsiness you ask him but why was he laughing and the waaaaay he says seeing your face like this is making me happy right now…..

Today too after years you make the same blunder right there in that tiny washroom the panel falls off and you stand there laughing away and then lost in that beauuuuuuty of him from back then smiling away chuckling away looking at you standing there in the middle of the restaurant just both of you laughing away over your clumsiness him without even knowing……

To when you come out and you see the photographer standing right outside like waiting for you and that one visual some moemnt a nai make you realise the facts that you always knew…..

It’s that one space in your life that you know for sure is reserved for life and you just can’t just CANT it was that random but like that did give you glimpse of why it’s always been like this…..you walk to your table take the stuff from there and move to the side one as luckily they did serve to the next restaurant just in the same space as subk and take the other corner giving instruction to the staff there to not be disturbed…….

It was almost evening but the waaaay even people around just this feeeeeel of being in his place in a way with his music and the flashback of all things love was making you feel away today…..

And that one pat suddenly on your back as you had your back towards and it was one of your model friend over with her friends and stays for a bit with you…..

It’s that feeeeeeel of missing out on your zone in that very moment as you really liked that time to yourself to your mind and mood for as long as it lasted!!!!!

Would you!!!!

 There are some questions words that sort of act as that one rear view mirror that in a fraction of a second reflects your life and makes you wonder would you do it all over again knowing this is where you would be…

In a heartbeat YES!!!!!!!!

Every single time, on repeat do it all, all over again!!!!!!!

Days mornings!!

 Again when you forget it’s your brothers day this state of mind lately!!!!!!

Be it wit yesterdays dream of his again that strong or today with no dream but you wake up with that strong feeeeeel of he is in Hyderabad!!

How why what difference does it even make but somethings for years nai can’t change won’t change…

It’s that feeeeeeel charlie lil closer be it lilst bhi but in your head to you it does matter makes all the difference how you still donno, but does…

Lil dhadaaam dhudooom rains this morning and that strong feeeeeel of him in you like he is here…

Kyaaaa thooo bhi this missing off late Kuch samajh he nai Ara!!!

Kyaaaaaa karna kaise karna…!

How like this only!!!!!!!!!!!

Words!!

 Finding that bit of comfort in words, strange I tell you are the ways of the heart…

Not sure if it makes it better or it just elevated the missing levels all the more!!

Donno why or how but the way it just feeels all different this very moment…this THIS missing today!!!!!!

Everytime you read words like these from his chats and this feeeeeel every single time almost there almost there and then…………..!

Still wondering why did you have his name as ChipJo back then again one of those zillion nicknames your heart n mind made for him in his absence…

Thinking of it now you always felt this missed this knowing the logic of what getting drunk does to your mind and heart bringing out the truest deepest of feelings and sets it free…

And why how did that call never happened where years back you remember you actually did and he actually thanked you for doing that calling him up out of nowhere like in that very second he actually was missing talking to you hearing your voice in that very moment…like he had that much to tell you and the next second asks you if you were okay cause you never directly called him ever…….

To that question of his bout why you didn’t wish him on his birthday back then even in his absence you made sure to wish him over email every year it was only much after when he mentions not to mail him again you stop that!!!

To just read now how much it did mean to him even be it through mail!!!!!!!!!

Something’s!!!!!!!!!!!!

What’s this night even!!!!!!!!

Some nights!!

 Some nights it’s just the most difficult when there’s this immeasurable amount of missing in your heart that you this strongly can feel deep in your core…

Like tonight it just feels this different this missing feels different like you feeel the strongest deepest missing tonight and you don’t even know why suddenly you are feeling this way….

It’s just him looking you in the eye driving and that one stare in a way wanting asking you to come closer to him like you could sense that in the way he would suddenly make that shift in the way he looks at you…that one beauuuuuutoful pull always like drawn towards him all of you on the inside used to feel that pull being drawn closer to him in just the way he would look you in the eye..

Lights out this list of tracks playing only making it all the more beautifully worse like you don’t know why it’s this strong deep missing inside tonight it hurts a lil too but this missing aaj feels different!!

Visuals!!!!!

 It’s this one strong dream of his that you wake up with this morning!!!!!

Another one of those that leaves your hope high like soon as you are up no matter what you are doing having coffee eating breakfast no matter what you keep shutting your eyes to relive that feeeeeel sense visual of him over n over again…….it’s the thing bout missing charlie when you find even a lilst feeeel of their presence in some way even be it in a dream bhi you hold onto it and keep playing it on loop in your mind as it makes you feel closer to them…

It’s weird nai beautifully crazy too when you think of it you change your complete morning routine complete routine for that matter hoping you get a hold on yourself try and not write as much just so you can mellow down the missing a lil hoping your mind feels less lost and then this beauty of his dreams……..

The waaaaaay he feels that closest in the dream wanting you to be close to him telling you he missed you making you feel he still loves you and then waking up to the same reality for over years now is what that’s getting worse!!!!!!

And to live a dream that strong one to feel live him that way and then post shower notice the color on you exactly on the same place on you you just don’t understand!!!!

Logic could be a summer rash but then to have it over on the same exact spot on you he was at from the dream not sure if this is not magic what else could be!!

To planning to clear the closet sort it a lil and the view every single time the first section of his stuff your lil treasure chest of all things him including the soft toy he did get for you peeping out of it!!!!!

Like a view like this every morning to wake up and see and that level of THAT much it always fills you up with is beyond words and skip the clearing it out and accept and continue to be the mess that you are…

Trying to sleep now sometime back and you just couldn’t get off to apply some lavender essence and that need to see it again on you now sometime back the waaaaaaaay it takes you back to all those times of seeing his actual color of love on you and the waaaaay it always made you the happiest HAPPIEST you’d ever been…

Know shouldn’t be posting and then there’s this need to save it here wanting to read this feeeel live this feeeeel of magic again and relive him from that exact same moment again as and when you read this again……

Something’s how only!!!!!!!!

The view…!

 Post early morning shoot when the model insists on spending the noon with her as her belated birthday lunch kinda thing and you had to with her in her car…..

The second you get in she plays the music cause all the way back n forth to the location and back to the studio for the changes you had your music playing to keep your head cool for the shoot as it was the hottest day ever today…….and the way she kept commenting on your music and this wasn’t even his music but a techno one……cause again his music you don’t ever share out out!!!!

And as you get in she plays hers and asks you which one you liked and stuff but it’s that thing bout some visuals and moments charlie!!!!

Cause this prolly was the first time being on the front seat after him……

Also why you never take the front seat look to your side and that very moment it’s just him that all you could see……

Like her talking saying something asking something everything goes blur the visual of him driving looking at you beech beech mein is all you could see live feeeeel in that moemnt…

That beauty it was to live him to live every detail of him and him knowing so the waaaaaay he would smiiiiiile away watching you lost in him…..

Sunlight over his face or the late night street lights driving back home from opera every moment and that feeeeeeeeel it used to fill up with!!!!!!

It’s like today all through that while there in her car it was you living him in your mind away in that very same spot it all is just making you wonder question lately all the more…..

How why even!!!!!!

Where did he even go ekdum see!!!!!!!!!!

It’s like you wake up in the mornings from a dream of his there’s that rush to write and then again that lostness creeps up not knowing where or what!!!!!

Year after years have gone by and it’s only off late all the more this one state of wonder!!

Like right now mind exhausted with that hectic day today under the direct sun played something on with his music playing on the side ice water topped with as much as ice you could fit in and the way all you can feeeel live and see is him on the driving seat…

No wonder you could just never like that place reserved for him…!

Like living some moment after years being on the front seat after years and picturing him there!!!!!!!!

Something’s nai!!!!!!!!!

Mehboobabad...!

 To wake upto a dream of him sleeping in a gorgeous sheer almost oatmeal tone beige tone shirt sleeping amidst the garden of gulmohars all around........

Like it's just him that you can see live looooooove and adooore nothing else!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaay he just looks that THAT beautiful with all bright tones around him but that gorgeousness serenity all over him just beyoooond.......

The mind soon as you are up all of you wanting to g back to that very moment just so you can live him that way loooove and adore away every lil detail of his...

To the other moment when you searching for a work sample image on your phone and this one pops up ABSOLUTE magic......

This picture of his that you choroed from way back post lockdown it was when he posts first ever prolly only picture of gulmohars and adds a caption as mehboobabad...

That feeeeeeeel every now n then you see any picture of his THIS HEART I swear!!!!!!!!!

How only why only!!!!!!

Immediately goes on the phone wallpaper!!!!!!

Just had to...!

To connect…!

 The way some visuals were just to connect to your most loved dream of his cause now you don’t like it that much as the series gets all sinistery from the Parisian mood!!!!

But just for the noir feels watching ir with that one visual still on loop on your mind!!

How from out of nowhere like it just had to connect!!!!!!!

This loooooooove to just live that beauuuuuty of him amidst the white sheer curtains still sleepy eyes that one smiiiiiile as he rests and leans over the railing!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa this heart right now wishing away another wish to wake up to that one visual for REAL!!!!!!!

Visuals!!

Obsessed with every frame of this GORGEOUS piece of art and in between being this in awe of it you live this beauuuuuuty of Him…

 Exact same visual of a dream of his…

Beach side house you still sleeping to the sound of the waves crashing by and you turn to the side and watch him standing right outside the balcony with these sheer curtains……and you could just see that blurry glimpse of him and the way just by the way you move slightest and he knows you woke up the way he peeps through that lil gap between the curtains and just smiiiiiiles…….that one happy content deeeep smile of his!!!!!

Turns towards you leans over the railing of the balcony resting his back over and crosses his one leg across his signature style of standing and just looks at you from there…

Just watches you with that one GORGEOUS smile on him and the waaaaaaay that one visual of him that way there makes your heart live that FINALLY sigh!!!!!!

It’s when you your heart all of you on the inside and the outside is just in that state of highest level of happiness calm serenity that you are just full of it and you just take that deep breathe of contentment as you live that moment live that visual live that beauuuuty of him…

Just the way he is all of what he is…!

Same exact ditto visual in this and you just couldn’t help but picture him there and there have been many dreams of his with the beach house as the backdrop but this one being your most fav one of all!!!!!

Frames n visuals!!

 Again one of those times amazed by watching something and the waaaay it always gets that first person on your mind when you watch something this amazing!!

To that feeeeel of his words of art of Frames…

Pictures tied together frame by frame that it tells a story on its own…without words just by visuals!!

Something’s nai!!!!!!!!

This very feeeeel of his words right now…!

Whattee beautiful piece of art very beginning itself…

Ripley!!!!

Beyond logic!!

 Right in the middle of the night shower when you notice like always the waaaaaaaaaaaaays it always ALWAYS takes you back to being that beauuuuutifully covered with his color of love over your skin…

Again when you have no absolute idea how this happened where did you hit your hand or how cause there’s no pain what so ever but that very feeeeeeeeel of this every single time can never get used to…

Also the way it makes you relive that feeeeelinf no wonder you used to LOVE it that bad back then…….the more the happiest it always made you feel!!!!!

Something’s nai also can make you realise THATS how long it has been having lived that for real…

Series of co incidences!!

 Life is nothing but a series of co incidences, quoted by the most gorgeously magical human ever!!!!!!!

Coincidences in a row!!

Ur most LOOOOVED year of your life…!

2009

Visuals!!

 After an early half day of work tomb location scouting for next , come home mind still in same state and strangely there haven’t been any dreams either!!!!!

It’s like now feeing like you haven’t seen him for long THIS long!!

All of you feeling this present you currently minds been living each moment from the back every visual and moment of him to that final scream at you from the dream…….like when nothings been making sense any of all of this there’s this moment when you just decide to day drink n chill with this insanely curiously ironic hilarious nonsense movie and this one visual feels even more beautiful with the vodka martini now…

Cause it did bring back the phone call from the mountain as he calls it after the trip or those beautiful shots of his from the trip and the same blue van bus image of his from the Nepal series…

Something’s nai this beauuuuuuty!!!!!!!

Comfort!!

 When you find comfort and calm in some words and vibes of a page!!!!!

Some moods post a dream you just CANT shake off the way he said please just in that aggressive tone for the first time in years you had a dream like this…now the way it all just feels weird thinking was it really just your mind all this while!!

And then you find this one on explore page one post and then the words and posts on this one!!!!!!

Such calmness such mood and vibe it is!!

And this one post every single word every single moment and that feeeeeeeeel of slow dancing and dropping on the floor in his Dd space…

To this one picture holding feet him doing the exact same thing when out wit his sister for a drive and he does this stopping at traffic and then later over the call tells you how much he missed feeling you that very moment and he just had to feel your skin and at that jam messages you still in the car to take off your sandals and you text him back saying you did and the wasaaaaaaaay his hand comes over from the front and tries to look for your feet and he messages again bring it closer and you do…… just feels your feet and the signal goes green…him looking at you through the rear view with that beauuuuuuuuuutiful wide big smiley eyes of his!!!!!!!!!!

Something’s nai!!!!!!!!

Mooood!!!!!

 One bad dream and like this one can toootally turn your mind around a full 360 nai!

This mind ever since the waking up today the way it’s been feeling all ajeeb like you just want to be away from everything for a bit quitting everything and just being……till it feels better!!!!!!!

Like never in all these years did you have a bad one as this one this morning!!

On your way back home when the music too isn’t helping anymore!!!!!!

It’s just feeeeling the worst ajeeb possible today!

HOW!!!!!!!

 Last night was different it was just sound and touch and feel of him with your eyes shut…….

Like you keep switching sides and the waaaaaaaaaay all you could feeel over your shoulder around neck was that scent touch and feeeeeel of him the way he used to exactly the way he used to back then!!!!!!!

And just his sound I love you too karely and the waaaaaaay he was saying it was different the tone of his voice that gorgeouslyyyyyyyy sexy low tone like he missed you that much and making you feeeel and live that missing of his…….

Like it goes on all of night cause you remember not waking up even for a bit beech mein and even when the alarm goes off you could stilll feeeel his lips over the shoulder the way you wake up and before turning the alarm off you look over to your shoulder to live him and that’s when the realisation hits you that it was one long dream all that while…….

Of course the very thing had to be getting in the workout with that need to feel him more and to that after moment…….

Stretching to the slow start of himvedsions one arm out one leg out eyes shut and that touch of him over the arm just gently touching you away all along arms to shoulder to neck and the waaaaaaaay that very moment the hair tie opens up hair open as you bend and move to the next move with that smile on and goosebumpd all over…….

To this upper stretch and that feeeeeeeeel over your neck the waaaaaaaay it exactly feeels like his touch still amazes you to that moment of feeeeling him across your back too…….

Things you don’t wanna write but the waaaaaay he moves along with you touching you feeeleing you away it always ALWAYS makes you wish to live these moments with him for real……to actually do these moves with him along with you for REAL mein………

It’s not just when the big big moments that you miss him with it’s these too and this missing the waaaaay it grows even as you feeeeel him with each move….

To this one posture eyes closed as you stretch side ways with your face down side ways over the floor and there he was from his Dd space on his bed you over just feeeeeling living his details where initially he had his eyes closed to that moment when he opens his eyes and go closer to feeeeel his details again and the second you tell him you are beautiful that beauuuuuutiful lil shy smile and the waaaay just the waaaaaaay he was letting you live and feeeel his details even touching his lashes he doesn’t move or blink for a bit too……..

This when smoking out the Kajal on the model before shoot and she keeps blinking and talks bout how nobody can keep their eyes at is even on your touching your eyes and that very moment too this moemnt lived with him rushes through you and you smile your way through the conversation wher she mentions see you zoned out to some other land again shriya while am talking…….

Today too as too as you stretch that way and live that moment that heart of yours then itself ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even writing it now never loved anything anybody the way you have loved him to you he is all things LOVE!!!!!!

Every to any bit of him absolutely LOVE in all forms of it!!

Even then living that moemnt the waaaaaay it was making your heart that happy to just be that way living him from THAT close something’s you write now and this feeeeeeeeling again!!!!!!!!

To this lil moment of seeing your shoulder every now and then and that feeeeel he was right here all night long beautiful beautiful madness I say!!!!!!!!!

This day already!!!!!!!!