THE only time!!!!!

 Prolly the only one n only single time when you don’t like rains now as you struggle to write out and trying to post with the constant power cuts and internet down!!!!!!

Of all the days of all the weeks it had to be this whole week with this same struggle!!!!!!!!!!

This state of mind recently with lilst of situations and biggest of memories and moments laced that beauuuuuutifully with all him!!!!!

Here’s still waiting and hoping it gets back on sooner so you could just scream your heart n mind out with this much himhighness I say!!!!!!

Nights like these and for years for YEARS that one wait to just live the beauttyyyyyyy of him on a night exactly like this one…….!

Heart mind and wishes that can pop out of nowhere I say!!!!!!!!!

This looooooveeeeeee for the rains n him high on rains !!!!!!!

Waking up!!!!!!!

 Waking upppppp like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The mind this mind his presence lands you in is beyooooooooond anythung I say!!!!!!!

It’s this inside wali khushiiiiii tha rushes through you that’s that clear all over your face cause you not only felt him this morning saw him tooooo and he didn’t move or disappear soon as you move suddenly trying to get a glimpse of him like he just stayed stayeeeeeed for the first time in years charlie!!!!!!!!

Like you alone knoooooow what and how much that means to you!!!!!!!!

Like he staaaaaaaaayed!!!!!!!!!!! Even when you rushed and moved teying to hug him away!!!!!!!!

The night today is going to be longesssssssst I say cause there’s that much to write out tooooo many things!!!!!!

Rushing again today for now but this heart this face that very moment today post workout when you feel him all around n over like one of those first time experiences can’t write out but you feeling one thing and the mind was tripping on another visual of his from back then with the track playing standing under the street light and you living him from up apartment staircase side it was that beauuuuuutofully magical cause there were tooooooo many feeeeels of him as the track and your moves progressed like feeeeeeling away tooo many things bout him!!!!!!

It was goosebumped post work yoga today!!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!!

Mind dancing you attempting dancing mind happy and your face can’t stop smiling I say!!!!!!!!!!!

Like so happy that the half strength work out was with his honey Singh music justtttt imagine how himmm happpppy high you must be experiencing right now!!!!!!!!!!

When he comes like this ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaaaaaaaa tummmmm again aisaaaaaa waisaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yaaad areeee ji!!!!!!!!

Him Bachpan!!!!!!

 This one time when his sisters plays these bachpan ke videos of theirs and asks you to show where he was just like his school pictures and you get each of them right even in the bunch of kids in the video and there was some scene where he was trying to bite her hand or something and you fataaak se ask him away tabhi Acha bachpan se hai and get back to looking at the video after a sec or something you realise him giving you that oh shit ye boli loook and his sister looking at you and asks you how do you know about this habit of Bhayya and you couldn’t say a word more weird silence and he brings back the attention to the video saying something and the first thing much expected soon as his sister rushes to the washroom was him biting your hand……

Chuckles away adoooorably saying he was that badly wanting to do it ever since that moment!!!!!

There were these lil lil habits charlie of his which started off with one finger push on your shoulder to these strike back play thing he used to hit you but he hits you back kinda thing over the hand and him finding that much joy saying he always used to play that with his sister and wanted to with someone he could with the love thing to this wrestle to this one biting your arm specially when they used to be freshly waxed as he used to call it back then…….

First time he holds your arm and tells you warns you rather see I really wanna do something that I love and you actually thought it was a chummi the way he was holding your hand but instead bites and then sees your expression and then gives your arm back and says this I wanted to and you looooooved it that much give your arm again and that one face of his charlie I swear I SWEAR!!!!!!!! 

Firstly you loooooooooved it but his face like that level of Khushi that level of something new for the first time all over his face!!!!!!!

It’s these moments sometimes you wonder one something you write and the waaaaaaay it all starts to flow like the moemnt moments this clear like it all was just about yesterday bas yesterday kinda feeeeeeel right now!!!!!!

Magics of the sound!!!!!

 Like the whole experience turned out to reliving him moments and before you knew the hair was cut the hair was styled and you weee pulled back in to the real world!!!!!!

The second you step out a car movie style slows down with suddenly the windows going down pulls over and the song playing was menu Ishq tera leeeee doooooba!!!!!!

Practically literally the song of your every single day cause that’s how you literally live feeeeel miss him away in moments through the day…

Walk a lil ahead to find another dose of magic like these are the no logic things a missing high mind could do to check the brand of the car and it indeed was a Škoda some model!!!!!!

Your mind smiles on the inside and finally all of you were smiling away with inside talk I knew it I knew it it had to be like logically if you ask what was the connection even it was somebody else’s car but to you in that moemnt it was finesse par excellence of the beauty of that moemnt!!!!!!!

One of those chefs kiss kinda moments I say lil did you know there still was a cherry topping awaiting you in the apartment as you enter the gates through the stretch and then just around the play area this bro sis duo where the bro tries to bite over her hand just so she lets him go and he could prolly go back to playing and there he comes and HOW !!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 From there to once finally there and you ask for a female someone and they mention it’s all male staff for stylists and you request atleast for some female to wash the hair it’s that everytime haircut story the waaaaaaay it also becomes all him and how and this time it was all the more cause you were in one of his places…..

Once all settled for the cut and the guy asks how short or what kind you wanted and you explain and this other someone draws the curtain away and you see the tree of the place and the waaaay your mind completely zoned out of the place and back to those moments again with him there be it the kbr gate climb with him cause he wanted to find the perfect spot for the first chummi but eventually get caught by the security and we’re asked to head out and the second he gets back in the car the very thing he says which he only explains after Acha hua nai hua it wasn’t that perfect of a place which you obviously didn’t get what he meant then and he like always had to share that with you and does much after…….

Where the lake place finally was the chosen one with the cement factory ka beautiful backdrop!!!!!!

Like in that moment through those moments there were these ed Sheeran tracks playing strange it was that all you could sense was that blurred out sound but those visuals of him that clear where somebody only comes back to close the curtains is when you land out of it and ask the guy to let the curtains be as it is……

Like that corner did become your him trip corner for the moment….cause you do this often like your mind unintentionally finds some spot with some track and it all goes in beautiful loops and him high trips after!!!!!!

Like you are off and away from the world outside and floating swimming away in a world of your own on the inside………

It’s beautiful charlie like suddenly your mind all of you with that sound playing in the ears and that sense of him where his details come closest to your eyes him moving real slow to the beat speaking real slow with whispers and all you could sense feeel live is him in those moments!!!!!!!

The day!!!!!

Giving in cause you just have to write it out!!!!!!

This mind still tho!!!!!!!

So yaaaaaaa

It was finally time for the haircut being summer plus the state of it and you look for recommendations and online reviews cause juice wasn’t getting the cut right and most of them highly recommended the manea one……

Location on and the second you find where it was right above His cream stone place in Banjara or Jubilee it is……

Luke first tho you just stand there relive him there at that very spot where he takes you and that was the first time you had an icecreal like that one……like always would give you the menu and then ask you merku pasand who hkhaati ya want to order something else and you weren’t even looking at the menu and nod with that andar wali Khushi cause how you looooooooooved when he would ask things like those where inside all of you is screaming away with his adooooooorableness and on the outside just that nod of a yes used to pop out cause it was those initial days and he was sort of showing you evrythung he liked and wanting you to like be it places food moments sounds or even memories of his!!!!!!

Like sharing it with you and wanting you to like em!!!!!!

Calls for his fav back then ferrero rocher thing and first feeds you and that wait over his face and that one smilleeeeeeeeeeseeee of his after seeing your expression!!!!!!!!

Also had been there many a times after like it was that feeeeeel charlie there was a lot of jam on that stretch of road people walking in n out and you just stood there amidst all with that visual that sound of him that smile of him that moemnt with him just you and that feeeeel of him where again suddenly everything else around disappears it’s just you him and that moemnt!!!!!!!   

It wasn’t just living him charlie in those moments but he used to give out this vibe of the waaaaaaaay he was feeeeling away that much in that moment like it used to be that evident in his expressions the waaaaay he would live those lilst of moments with you!!!!!!

Misseing…

 U know when it comes to missing someone u miss that u miss this maybe or even that but when it comes to him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa there’s not a thing bout him that your heart doesn’t miss bout him!!!!!!!

Anything to everything him like that one look too when he thinks he got the line wrong dil dhoondtha phire and the waaaay he looks at the guy beside and there went your heart again all over again!!!!!!!

It’s like off a cliff with that one look and that lil smile that follows after even writing and reliving now!!!!!!!

Every lil detail bout him the waaaaaaay it did become most looooved thing back then to live his details to find new details and fall in love over with each one of them!!!!!!

This feeeeeeeeeeeeeel that you are feeeeeelinf right now !!!!!!

How absolutefuckingly lucky you truly did get for having found a being like Him nai!!!!!!!

There’s this rush of him that you are feeling right now where at the back of your mind moments from yesterday and today giving you that side eye with that wait to be written out!!!!!!

But some moments like this one right the zone of mind it’s landed you in ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s like your most loved food on the plate and you just be there adooooring the beauty scent feeeeeeeel of it before gulping it down exact same ditto vibe with this one visual on loop every single time you blink now…

There was this sense of floaty vibe about him charlie the kind you see live and you lose sense of everything else the waaaaay it just transforms your mind away just by looking at it like you are constantly drawn and all of it in a slowmo and you love every second of that feeeeeel like you are fully alive and yet can’t see feeel a thing beyond that one face!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happiness!!!!!!

 Some moments nai charlie just ekdum se you recall and reliving that very vision same visual again the level of happiness it suddenly fills you up with is something else!!!!!!

Like abhi there was that that much to write out and then suddenly this one track find and you land in another zone of mind only re realising again why that one video made you THAT happy away!!!!!!!

That beauuuuuuty of to live him charlie for real him loving talking smiling like to visually see him for real and the way it breaks that like from just a dream to exist for real kinda thing!!!!!!

Not sure what’s up with your mind it’s just very very ironically happy to just relive that beauty of him from the stadium to the sound….like it’s one of those moments where you are feeeeling too much away and the eyes just wants to play it on loop the mind this beauuuutifully at ease to live him was to feeeeeel that sense of complete happiness charlie…

With the manager not coming yesterday you alone know how baaaadky you waited for her today and soon as she does that another wait to get your hands on her fone and rush to some corner and live him again that THAT level of Khushi to just watch him to live him for real the feeeeeeel of happiness rushing on the inside as you watch him was something you’d lived felt after a very long time……

Cause that’s how bad you missed his voice to live him for real like that!!!!!!!!!!

Sound of magic…!

 The things some sounds just like that can do to your mind is beyond words!!!!!!

Just beyoooond!!!!!!

Gently takes your hand and off to a place that hold closest to you a moment closest to you exactly where you’ve been longing to be in this very moment ever since the morning the waking up the him and what follows after is something else…….

Mind all of you still there back in that very moment in that very place!!!!!!!

The stadium place!!!!!!!

This mind right now feeeeling it all all the more deeper now!!!!!!!

SOME SOUNDS!!!!!!

There’s this harsh beat except for that there’s something about this one track like you’ve definitely heard with him before back then on those drives kinda vibe….

This THIS mind right now!!!!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!

 Mornings moments like these and right at that very time when you have rush out for some work ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this mind I swear when he comes every single time when he comes like this !!!!!  

The one thing place person location that has your poooora ka poooora heart right there HIM!!!!!!!

Be it yesterday for the hair cut be it in the way home with rains be it waking up to him again this morning or be it now the saaaaaaaaame nose chummi of his back then comes back with the sound and leaves your nose almost moist!!!!!!!!

Some moments again beeeeeeeeyond logics there’s that much to write out scream out atyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa him I swear the adoooooooooooorablest sexiestrtttttrtt deliciousessssssst being born ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day lost count on can’t hold back this face I say!!!!!!!

It’s become that evident on face now!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee screaming screaming jumping jumping flying flying floating floating how only you are being missed I say!!!!!!!!!!

Sound of him…

 Some moments nai charlie could be really simple and yet could mean everything away and HOW!!!!!!!!

This weird rash over almost cheek and with any texture rubbing against and this restless sleep last night like you keep turning sides and this one side you turn and the scent of him and the waaaaaaaaay it fataaaaak se calms it all away as you try to move closer where you could sense him the most at and the waaaaay he slowly whispers bas bas like holding you off the edge just so you don’t fall kinda tone of voice….

And you try to move your face like reaching out to him kind with your face not opening eyes not making any sudden movements just so you could feeeeel him smell him sense him away for longer!!!!

And this time he comes closer like you feel his neck over your face and the way he makes those beauuuuuutiful sounds of hmm hmm like he was comforting you holding you like by then al you could smell feeeeel sense touch was him all over your face…….touch of his daaaadi over your face him moving his face over like uou remember him saying something all through the gentle whispers as his grip grows stronger holding you close…….that one time that strong rush to just see him his face upclose open your eyes or was still shut and you see him black shirt his eyes his that one smileeeeee still that sleeeeepy and he raises his eyebrow asking what’s up his usual style without really saying out in words and the way it shakes you up and you wake up…

And that’s when you realise you almost saw him still saw him even after the waking up as crazy as that sounds today this morning you did check the time it was the golden hour same it all just felt that beauuuuuuuutifulky different charlie cause it felt like you weren’t the only one needing him missing him sensing him feeeeling him in that moment!!!!!!!

Ever since the video to see him it’s this snileeeeeee that doesn’t drop or go even a notch lower it’s like on a constant swing mode!!!!!!! 

This high this very high of him soooo sooooo high!!!!!!!

Alllll happy and high on inside with expression totalllly outta control even with a swollen face and swollen eyes yiu just had to feeeel him more and head to workout today!!!!!!

This one track today that was that apt for the moments this morning with him and the way again it felt like a continuation of the moments from this morning…

This racer back thing u have switched to now that u can and this one stretch and suddenly you feel his hands at the back again something’s you feeeeeeel that strongly in that moment and now writing and reading yourself out sounds absolute madness a beautiful one though….

All through it like you could feeeeeeeel him holding you even writing and reliving that very feeel now!!!!!!  

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and just like always all it takes is that lil bittest also of him and the waaaaay it leaves you transformed and HOW!!!!!!!

Sense of Him…!

 Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa when he comes like this like thaaaaaaaaaat much him and from thattttttt upcloseee !!!!!!!!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa tummm aaaj bhi zoooor zoooooooor seeeeeeee aisaaaaa waisaaaaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yaaaad aaare ji!!!!!!!!

Charloe this very feeeeeeel of him rushing through you right now to that sense of him to that rush of waking upto that feewewwwl of him!!!!!!!!!!!

That much smell touch sense of him!!!!!! 

Again one of those days you sure will struggle to hold back your face and smiles I say!!!!!!

How like this just how like this that one face becomes alllllllll of this awaaaaaay and HOWWWWW!!!!!!   

THIS heart now!!!!!

 How do you even hold yourself hold your mind off a beauty like that one!!!!!!

Exactly this something’s you live relive and then write out in a night like this one is taking that very feeeeeeel a zillion notches deeeeeper and howwwwww!!!!!!

What you felt in that moment to just see him live him that way his voice his nod his that one smile to his hand movements like that sense of elevated khushi was beyond words!!!!!!!

And you hear her coming and couldn’t see more and keep it back the first question even with swollen eyes how do you have such a big smile on it’s like the rash has come over cheeks just look at you!!!!!!

And you needed the time off that very moment to just get away and live that feeeeeel be with that feeeeeeel that beauuuuutiful rush of all him for that moemnt!!!!

And you rush to the washroom and your face even with that weird rash over looked happiest it’s ever been recently!!!!!!

Like soooo sooooo happy!!!!!!!

The heartbeat the evrythung in you the goosebumps every bit of you living feeeeeeling that rush of him!!!!!!!!

How why never made sense it was happy to that level ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa him in whites blues and blacks and purples from the dream to punks too and that beauuuuuuuuuty auyyaaaaaa he looks to hear his voice charlie after decade and off all who to hear him sing even longer to watch him nod that nod of his to those hand movement and that very moment to live to places in one two visuals in one him from the video to him beside you in Versova moving his hand to and with the beat of the sound and then watching you feeeel it all away like he was literally working his magic in you kinda vibe!!!!!!!

Like he could seeee you being lost that beautifully lost in all him and the waaaay he would beech beech mein smile away and whisper look at you kaise dekhri merku and do it over again cause thinking of it now he loved it too maybe to live you all lost in him like he was actually hypnotising you or something !!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaa some moments you write relive and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel it overlord you with ekdum seeeee!!!!!!!!

To just visually relive him that close to you at Versova to feeeel him that close to you humming away his hand his face exaaaactly why sometimes iteeee deeetail mein guskeee nai likna nai cause the waaaaay those very details have ghusoed in your mind now!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa this mind now on a him flight mode and HOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Balcony setting his music playing him with his close ups zoomed in rushing through you and this breeze on a summer night like this howleeeeeeeeeeeee tummmm kaisaaaaaa yaaaad aaaaaare aaaj tho I swear slightest bhi lilst bhi if you had any idea!!!!!!!!!!

THAT beauuuuty of him!!!!!!

 Him singing!!!!!!!!

It’s when he is feeeling too happy or when he is feeelinf too much away and he used to sing away hummm away to some song even if be it that very song isn’t playing…

The way you talking something in the traffic jam with some other track playing he would just come close to your face slowly sing away some song mostly it always used to be either lucky ali or a beatles track!!

Like just bring his face closest to yours and looking you in the eye sing away a line or two and then look down with that one inside wali thought running through him with that shyyyy smile at the end……

Green on car moves him driving with that one smileeeeee still on him or be it at his place you are doing something reading news paper or watching some movie that he had on for you and he would suddenly hold your face away sing away looking you in the eye with that slow hummmm later and just be back to whatever he was doing…….

IIt was always that moemnt and the more beauty post that moment the waaaaay you could clearly see him in that zone still with that one expression smileeeee still on him doing anything walking around with that one expression still there it’s like you wanna ask away a zillion questions what suddenly rushed through him but also wanna live that beauuuuuty of him in that zone and mood from a distance mostky like you can’t take your eyes off him kinda zone he would get into…….

It’s that feeeeeeeel charlie everytime in moments like those how lucky you truly did get even writing now reliving those very moments now how truly blessed and lucky you did get regardless of everything else now!!!!!!!!! 

HIM!!!!!!!

 Every curve of expression of his and the way it allows you to live away these variations in you…….

It’s this beauuuuuutiful feeeeeeeeeling it suddenly overloads you with to just live him charlie and howwwwwwww you miss it!!!!!!!

To see he is back and you look to the side to see if she was done with the call and hand slips to the tagged section instead of seeing the most looooved circle that was on…

And there this one image of him and his sister ayyyaaaaaaaa him in white your heaaaaadt right there poooora ka pooooora heart and all of you right slide to the next and there he was ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa him singing after decade to hear him sing and ayyyyaaaaaaa his face his hand all of him like you couldn’t stop that smile that Khushi rushing through you like you were akele akele sitting there and actually saying it out loud ayyyaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaa kittteeeeeee cute hai jiii tum like actually saying it out loud in a public place cause that’s how exactly how happppy it suddenly made you feel!!!!!!!

It was from his birthday and the song was anjaani raho mein by his lucky ali!!!!!!!

Like in that moment you completely forget your own reason of looove for that very song cause you are that madly badly and wholesomely lost in that one most adooooooorableesf thing born ever!!!!!!!

That joy in his voice the waaaay his hand moves to the rhythm his usual style from Versova meet that it keeps switching your mind off to him nodding his head with that Khushi of singing out loud to that one end bit after singing that one sudden shy smileeeeeeeeee after it all who bhi to that one complete chuckle ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa places you be faces you may see things you may come across but there’s that one place you’ll always find your true happiness at and for you it’s always been that one him that one complete him right from the very start, always been him!!!!!!

And what and how you felt today in that moment watching him sing awaaaaaay was you rerealising it all over again!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa even as you write now and relive in your mind his voice his hand his nod to that one smileeeeeeee of his at the end !!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s going to take forever for this mind this you to get over that one moemnt from the video!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

THIS feeeeeel!!!!!

 It’s this transition that you are expereiecing right now that you didn’t expect would be this extreme !!!!!!

It’s like what to what and like always all it took was something anything Him…

This weekend was terrible at a friends place to chill and stuff and only after you were there you realise her dog was really sick like it still was ok as it just lay there over your leg all those hours you were there for……once home and you see and realise your face was that bad swollen mainly the eyes over and under and with red rash all around so that had to rush to the doc today to check on it someone your manager recommended and it truend out some sick dog allergy pollen kinda thing nothing major but as you wait there for the results she takes your fone to get in touch with the model and the packaging guy and leaves her fone right beside you…

Lately it hasn’t been of any interest you look around and see this board that says obstetrician and that one smile ting boljeeee cause there he was like everytime he would come across that one word he would stop everything else and ask you to spell it out and just watch your lip movement as you spell it and imitate your face doing the same……like his face in that very moment is all you could see and the waaaaaay it just suddenly made you happy just reliving his face from that moment and you take her fone to just check and there he was baaaaaaacccccxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa it suddenly woooooooosh bolkeeeeeee pumped back the something in you life like happiness like him high like sugar rush like like something you really can’t explain with just one term or expression!!!!!!! 

Cause it was after really long and suddenly it all made sense again how is it even connected you doonnnnooo but somethjngs nai charlie are beyond you and the logics!!!!!!!

Especially the waaaay waaaaaaays something someone can make you feel away like an instant rush of life rushing through you…! Just like that!!!!!

Suddenly alive!!!!!

 There’s this loud scream mode happening right now even as you write now how does he have this very impact on you right from the very start!!!!!!!

All these weeks now rather this one weird state of lostness like frame after frame everything sort of losing its meaning it’s very essence where the core of you was al shaken up with every dream you were waking up to wvey moment you were living away even in the post workout moments to still feeeeel him wasn’t even making any sense……it was ostness calling yourself a fool over n over again to still feel all that away like there’s all of you still living him and how and that very you post moments and dreams in that denial state….

Also why you stayed away from writing that state of mind cause you just didn’t want to hear yourself out in that state of mind…

It was difficult and HOW especially with morning dream hims waking up finding him again in moments pos my workout to random moments through the day giving you that sign away and you still nodding back to thinking it’s your mind like that one thing changed pretty much away the way you were looking at yourself your dreams and stuff…….

To this other day when you had to head to the mall in Kukatpally for your regular top up stuff and all through the route again this one bus blue jay way his music playing him that very morning like he was there with you in those mownwts all throug the jam same route you’ve experienced a zillion moments of magic of feeling him loving him the state of mind it zones you out in beyond logics!!!!!!!

Like THAT much him to this very Youday of magic of all magics I say!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face can do away things to your mind the way no sight sound visual sense smell or anything can possibly do I saaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

This smile today just won’t subside and Howwwwwwww!!!!!!!

Daaaaays like these!!!!!!

 How what why or just howwwwwwwwwwwww you feeeeeeel away THIS much happiness ekdum dhadaaaaaam se and why it always has this level of impact on you is something you can never make any sense when you just can’t stop smiiiiiiiling like how do you even hide your face like this your mood mode of mind like this cause it’s that blooody evident on you!!!!!!!!!

Auyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that THAT one face in the world for you like no other will ever be!!!!!!!!!

It’s this something suddenly fills you overload you away with and howwwwww like suddenly you are now flying !!!!!!!!

Like zooooop zooooop state of mind smileeee on him highhhhhhh on and Howwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeouuuuuuus gorgepuuuuuuuuus lil big adoooooorable thing how only ioi are being missed I sweaaaaar if you had the slightest idea!!!!!!!!!!

When you suddenly become what to what now!!!!!!!!!

Mood n MAGIC!

 

Moments!!!!!!

 Like from that much him to that knock at your door and it was the manager who brings along biryani and haleem and to discuss some pending work thing that you skipped today!!!!

Mind still in that moment of his voice that rush of him like you couldn’t have a hold on yourself and stop smiling his name all around your house today to these moments of him in your waking state and she heads over to the washroom fataaaaaak se take her fone away and realise gone again back to private!!!!!!

It’s that sudden feeeeeel sudden drop of a feeeeeeel that it hits you with was beyond words!!!!!!

It’s like suddenly you are lost lost on that sense of everything that you’d been feeling lately!!!!

Suddenly that lost!!!!!!!

it’s weird nai how every single time writing out something’s feels much more deeper than in your head like you get this blank and feel it more ekdum se as you write out certain things running in your mind!!

Moments!!!!

 It’s like one with you kinda vibe in moments like these!!!!!

Like you that strongly feeeel his love for you in these sudden moments to just hear his name out loud in your house to having to call the kid and you keep saying things like oye this oye that instead of calling His name cause the waaaaaaaaaaay just saying his name out loud was making you feeeel was something else!!!!!!

A beautiful beauuuutoful rush of a moment!!!!!!!

To finally done with them and they leave you take sometime out to manage a workout like in your head you just knew what you were instead of waiting and heading for!!!!!!

Done with the workout and play this song that has the most him vibes like your insides feel it too kinda Vibe of this track!!!!!!

Soon as you play this one for your post stuff stretching the one arm at the back arching thing with the other and suddenly both the ear plugs go blank and you hear his voice in that very moment whisper away howliii gently slow whisper with him smiling kinda voice and the waaaaaaaaay all throug the stretches moves later you could feeeeeeeel his voice over your ears around and over and that one feeeeeeeelone smile it left you with !!!!!!!!

All through the moves that one constant feeeeeeeeeel of him with you that you had goosebumps on all through those few mins like feeeeeeling him for real kinda rush rushing through you all through the moves today………

Again feeling yourself away throug the moves kinda mood cause of his voice that close to you like you know he is not around for real but the waaaaaaaaaaays he has been coming lately charlie is very very different!!!!!!

It’s these whispers of his the way he touches you holds you says you things it’s like he is showing expressing his love for you like trying to make it all come back like he is coming back kinda vibe again something’s you write and this very feeeeeeeeel now!!!!!!!!!

Children’s day at home!!!!!

 To this day from waking up to another stronger presence of him skipping this one out for many reasons the waaaaaay it just stayed with you and you decide to take the day off work instead get out to get a few things for home and stuff and come back home!!!!!

home cleaning sorting the room and basic stuff and suddenly there was this much loved gang that lands uo at your place Shreya and Chetan neighbour wasn’t home and they were back from some summer class and it was noon almost…..

At the dining table having lunch with em and suddenly Chetan ayaaaaaaaaaaaaa like you could just go on writing the name all over and still smile everytime you write and read it over n over again……

He burps and the other friend of the two starts to laugh calling some telgu names and stuff and you burp along with him and they all start to do the same soon from lunch it did turn out to one who burps the most thing……

Look across the table similar moemnt at his place with his sister beside you him across the table over lunch at his place…..his sister burps and she gets a lil embarrassed over it he jokes something bout it and you burp along with her and she does it again so do you and the waaaaaaay he starts to chuckle over the entire thing saying thank god she didn’t fart and was just a burp!!!!!!

Moments living one and the waaaaaaays they just bring him along cause that’s how much you looooooooooved living him away!!!!!!

Even today playing with the kids land water something over the couch there was him over his bed wrstelting away with him jumping over the bed pushing him him pushing you away to making sure gets you in that position where he knew you would lose control just by way he would suddenly stop everything else and look you in the eye holding your arms away and off you……

Like suddenly today you get off the couch and head to the balcony cause you saw yourself that way after years kinda realisation suddenly hitting and HOW!!!!!!!

The after..!

 That one sound of his voice singing humming the song that very line away and that feeeewwwwwel of him having him back like he was there for real shakes you up and you wake up and it was that very golden hour of the night close to 5ish or something like that!!!!

Head out to the balcony be there for a bit play the song over eyes shut and relive the moment of him being that close his whisper his voice his voiiiiiice singing after years and how he looooooved to sing some of his favs only!!!!!

Like when he is really in the mooood feeeling all chill happy heart State and that’s when some song out of no where he would just stop everything else look you in the eye and start to sing even be it whilst driving like stop out of nowhere pull it to the side and just sing a line or two first looking at you and then go on driving with that one face of his like he was feeeeelinf too much away in that moment and also has to keep it to just himself and your way of finding that much something rushing through him was his choice of song his expression the waaaaaaaay he would suddenly switch into this most beauuuuuutiful mode of mood you could possibly experience!!!!!!!!

Art in motion kinda vibe to just live him I say!!!!!!!!

To just wake up to that very song him humming his voice after years singing to you the complete vibe of that one moment and you fall back to sleep right there in the balcony to his song and with that moemnt of him his lips over your forehead that beauuuuuutiful scent of his presence and most importantly his voice singing to you!!!!!

It’s just that something when you feel it that strong and only later through the day it again feels like it was just your mind and you again live him the exact same way this time another line from the same song like it was a continuation of the song the waaaaaaaay it had all those vibes again of him coming back it just felt all weirdly beautiful charlie and also now as you write and read you realise specially in this state of mind that yo are right now in exactly why you stayed away from writing this one out!!!!!!

Struggled to not write this one out!!!!!!!

Waking up…!

 There was this dream just a day back half asleep after a very very hectic day at work and this some sound of hwhisper turn to one side and you feel his lips over your forehead as you try to move closer to his side the way he had his face all over yours and stays that way like he wanted to live and feel your that way even before you move think or say something the way he slowly starts to whisper away humm away his song Tera bhi ashiyana mera bhi ashiyana it was from his lucky ali song Anjani raho mein…

And the way it shakes you up cause in your head in that very moment it all felt like he was there for real he was back kinda vibe…

Cause it was that very song that he had playing when he was coming to meet you in that first meet post bup…..like had it all timed it that beautifully started it off from his house to the galli next to his house galli to see you!!!!!

In your head in that moment the waaaaaaaaay it just made you feel that strongly that he was back for real also why you couldn’t write this strong moemnt out cause of the after feels and the waking up and looking for him and not finding him AGAIN!!!!!!!

Moment 2 moment!!!!

 One moment into another landing and how!!!!!!!

Why what or how of things is something never made any sense still doesn’t when you are slammed with similar moments…why or how does it make this THIS big of a difference no clue but the waaaaaaaays it does has you leaves you thinking feeling all this away!!!!!!

The absence again!!!!!!

Why is it still feeling like this like suddenly all gone this weird blank stare of mind ekdum seee!!!!!!

From a beautiful day to a beautifullllllest moemnt to this one…!

One of those things!!!!

 Moments and one of those things you can never get used to just like his block!!!!!!!!!

Something’s!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This missing!!!!!

 It’s missing him in random most of things lately like being some place standing in the que and looking to your side wishing he was there cause you had some track of his playing and trippin on him and you look to your side start to picture him there like all of this happening in your waking state is that beauuuutifully weird cause at the end of the day all these moments summed up making you re realise that’s how bad you miss him!!!!!

To somebody passing by and you just see the hands and it again has you lost in that very moment reliving his hands specially from those drives when he would hold you away making sure you don’t fall as you lay over his lap and with any speed breaker he would tighten his grip over you and you just be there sometimes living that beauuuuty of his hands or sometimes at that corner of opera just before turning to your spot to tease you he would stop steps ahead and you do his thing over his arm and he would fataaaak se accelerate to just be there…….

His hands a story of their own ayyaaaaaaaaa how you looooooved his hands too right and much before you knew it was love when he would show you the blisters at the gym and feel proud of it and commenting on the others who would gear all up to lift weights and felt it was too gayish to do that and soon you stopped wearing em too and did it his way and still do without the gloves on…it definitely has made your palms too a lil rigid like his used to be back then…it’s these lilst of things that bring him along charlie not just one specific thing or feeling and this one huge missssssseeeeeing it fills you up away with!!!!!!

His details off late like he is definitely coming more upclose in dreams where in the mornings it becomes all difficult for you to cope with the day cause when he comes like that all you see anywhere you see is just that beauuuuuuutifully him!!!!!!

To this moemnt sometime back when you finally sit down to watch pulp fiction and this dance sequence with Mia and his words comes along!!!!!

At his Dd space with him making you dance with him move you along with him and you keep telling him you are a Dharmender in dancing and he suddenly and that beauuuutifulky drops you on the floor asking you to dance now and you get off and do something and he that adoooooooorably chuckles over it and tells you it’s so Mia the way you are dancing and you say it’s Dharmender and he again gives you that look and asks if you had seen pulp fiction you would know who Mia was and you were actually dancing like her!!

Where again you think oh wow he liked it and he holds u again and starts to move and do the same step over again drop you and watch you look you in the eye as he lets you slip over the floor and then watch you just lay there lookin and lost in him…….that one moment those few mins still this beauuuutifullu clear cause it was magic charlie one of those moments that could’ve had a beautiful background score of it’s own gentle sexy too much love and everything more in those very few mins of him moving you dropping you to you just being there over the floor living that veauuuuty of him and him wanting to do that over n over again……

Where at one time you just hold him tight not wanting to move an inch away from his body and that one smileeeee something’s you write and relive and THIS feeeeeeeeeeeeeling!!!!!!!!nowwwwwwwwwew!!!!!!!!

Exaaaaactly what writing does to you this very thing one mkennt to another one and it’s as if though you are back in time in that very moment him holding you alsoooooo why you avoid writing somethjngs out!!!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!!

 It’s these moments charlie out of nowhere and the way they work like magic cause that’s how in sync they are in…

Like some dream of his the other night where all he does was talk to you something that you don’t rewmeber after waking up first at some restaurant and then you take him out to some street side something and you just watch him talk and you eat cause you couldn’t see him upclose with the table in between and that moment he was right next beside you and you could watch him live his details as he talks smiles frowns and then creams out your name realising you were that lost in him…and you wake up with those visuals of him and just miss him that baaaaad in that very way and first thing is head to Tibbs have frankie to just keep that mkennt fill that moment and missing aaay!!!!!!

To the other day this text from your manager sharing this image of some message on your business page with Chetan name and 86 beside asking if it was the same Him and when you don’t reply anything she gets it……but some moments nai leave you with that sigh of HOW I WISH!!!!!!

Cause the initial hit of his name popping up was something else only to realise it was somebody else…

To this other moment when standing and waiting for Venky to get the car out from the parking lot to the mall entrance the manager comments on types of auto conversation from one thing to the other and the second you start off by saying there are types of auto the older ones are much closer and the newer ones have wide space and that very moment soon after you say it you realise it was his exact words from back then at the gym…

At the gym and he had to leave his car at the service centre and decides to drop you home from auto bhi and as you wait for it a new one comes over and he doesn’t even ask anything and asks to skip it and waits more you don’t get it cause this was almost love a day or two before realising it was love kinda time……

And this really old slow one slows down and he fataaak se stops it and takes that one instead…..soon as you get in with him and he starts off!!!!!!

Like by then you for sure knew by his face he definitely had some theory going on in that adoooooooorable mind of his cause the waaaaaay he was just smiling through…

See this is much smaller like these old ones are much smaller space wise this way you are more closer beside me and then would add aorry that wasn’t me that was the razaakh commenting over it……it was only after love he actually shared that lilst moment bhi with you…

Like talking bout it over another similar day with his car at the garage and still sitting in it he talks bout remember that auto ride as this space in the car is still you being far from me that was the first time I felt you that closest to me and knew could feel it in the old style autos than the new one……

It was that looooooove of his charlie the waaaaay he would remember lilst of moemnts with you and then that beautiful need to share it with you after……..like sharing how much he missed you with you soon after it was love, still is actually thinking living it now much more than you intended to initially!!!!!!!!!!

From not knowing what love actually is all bout to loving living him this way in lilst of moments places words and songs!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you were missed again and how !!!!!!!!!! If you only knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Becoming Him…!

 This is something you didn’t decide to intentionally like this you want to copy off him like this habit to inculcate or something but as with time you eventually grew more in love with him with each passing moment months years after year this too was something you did eventually transform into…

Becoming him…!

Be it people watching in places be ur liking things just like he used to colors stuff music food in general to even having birydani his style with 7up or sprite sometimes…

To finally making the studio space of his corners with adding more mirrors and stuff and at this very recent shoot the model getting her hair styled and you directing the stylist the wavy pony thing to be done and she looks through the mirror sending text of some joke and then about the stylist and then does these ishaaras throug the mirror and you just look at her and smile it’s only when she screams your name out do you realise that’s how lost you were in that moment cause in that moment it was Him that you were living in the mirror stare like he was right there standing from his dd space but him looking like he does today looking his beauuuuuuuuuuutiful beat just staring at you and you are living his beauuuutoful details through the mirror till yuu hear her voice that breaks that moment…

And you get off and head out for a bit play his music on and finally done ready for the shoot she walks upto you and asks you it was somebody else that you were looking at instead of me right in the mirror!!!!!!!

Some moments like these when it’s that clear and they end up asking things like these it becomes that much more complicated to explain or reason out your Him trip that you just had then…cause nobody it’s just you alone that knows what and how suddenly it hits you and leaves you in that zone where you can’t sense anything beyond Him!!!!!!

Like he was actually there in that moment looking at you through the mirror right there in your studio but through his Dd space mirror woaaaaaaahhhh even writing it out now!!!!!!!

That THAT oNe face in the world I swear even reliving it now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one smileeeeeeee it brings over fataaaaak se!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

When it shows…!

 First the day today evening rather!!!!!!

It’s beautiful when you know one thing on the inside that it’s just you alone that knows it and then there’s another thing when it’s that evident on the outside too like people around can that clearly notice that sudden shift in you!!!!!!!

Out today for some usual restock of things shopping wise and later through the day this friend drops over for a day in Hyderabad and joins you mom and manager along in the evening food and stuff and then at the Bombay famous Haji Ali juice centre your mom likes and there waiting in the car for the order to arrive…..

Chit chatting and this car stops right beside yours and windows down the song of all songs that starts to play was his lucky ali tere mere saath and that very instance that one rushhhhhhhhhh of him that runs through you and they joke bout how it suddenly lit up your face and ask the guy to volume up and stuff and the guy asks who the person was that still liked lucky ali and you get off on the other side and put his playlist on……it’s beautiful in the evenings with the tree around and this rush of him ever since the waking up today……

It’s this thing charlie of missing him in places too when in specific places that you that bad wanted to be with him at and this is also one of those places on the list that you reallllllly miss him most at…….

It’s this thing how you can’t just cannot be okay normal on the outside when anything him touches you away out of nowhere and this one hit you the strongest cause it was his music and your song with him apart from kitni haseen zindagi one and that very moment the waaaaaaaaay it just made you that happy away that one beauuuuuuutoful rush of all him rushing through you which they did notice too cause everytime this shift of him touches you it just leaves you transformed not just on the inside but on the outside too…

They come over with the falooda asking away how you instantly change like you were talking something to your mom and you suddenly stopped right there and your face down with evrythung on your face transformed just listening to it it just makes you feeeeeel beyond!!!!!!!

Like you know that’s how much of him you become in a moemnt soon as something him gently touches you away…!

How why what you still donno but this sheeeer beauty of some moemnts is beyond logics I swear!!!!!!!

Youdays!!!!!!

 How do days like these even happen ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa how much more can you possibly miss someone for em to realise it ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing I say nothing can make you feeeeeeel the way anything absolutely anything Him does!!!!!!!!!!!

That one adoooooooooooooooorableness deliciooooooousest adoooooooorableness in the world I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waking up…!

 This feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of waking up!!!!!!!

Cause you’ve spent all night living that beauuuuuuuty of him soooo much that THAT CLOSE to your face right beside you upclosestttt possible that soon as you wake up you are actually almost still living him beside you as you turn with sleepy eyes……cause that’s how much you’ve lived him all night ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that ONE FACE for life I swear!!!!!!!!!

Be it back then be it yeaaars after now can never stop looooooving falllllling all the more over n over again love with him howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you were missed again and hopooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww nowwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

This mind that vision of him playing on loooooop every time you blink now!!!!!!!!!!

Feeeeeling blueeeeee when am steufggggling to fight the feeeeeeeling that I missssssss you when thaaaaaat smileeeeee of yours creeeps in my mind!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sounds of Him!!!!!

 And offff all the days last night there had to be a power failure when you struggggggled to keep it al in for the day like yesterday!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaa that much baaarish and THAAAAAT much him that it always brings along!!!!!!

This mind since yesterday been this jumpy trippy him high I tell you it’s this beauuuuutiful speedy rush of him rushing through you!!!!!!

And wake up this morning to his sounds him talking just talking and this sudden kissing today to just hear him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that sound of his voice toooo JUST LOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!

It’s like love being vocal kinda vibe!!!!!!!

It’s hotter than usual today but this rush as you work through the workout just his sounds him talking him chuckling just the sound of his voice and this smile through n through is when you again re realise it’s not just his chummis hugs and the zillion other things that you miss bout him it’s his voice too!!!!!!!

Too much to write out too lil time for now this smile won’t go this rush of him beauuuuuuutoful rush of him soaring high and hoooowwwwwww!!!!!!!

There’s nothing I say can make you feel this way away!!!!!!

No one else nothing else but just this adooooooooooorablrness sexy adooooooooorableness of him I say!!!!!!

When you also another realise too much Khushi leaves you with a pimba party on face!!!!!!

This mind this feeeeeeeeel right now with these beauuuutiful whispers of him rushing through you still as you write now…

Heightttttttest of heighttts!!!!!!

 Heiiiightestestestest of heiiiights of missing aaj thooo!!!!!!

More coming soon as you are just happaaayyyyyy with that waking Ito that one face and now running running literally and writing it out cause it’s heiiiiiiiiiightest of missing aaaaj howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee geeeeeeeeliest tooiiiiiiiighteat chummmmmi lag jaaaaanaaaa tumkuuuuu abiiii k abiiiii!!!!!!

And must have feeeels too that inneee yaaad Kari bolke!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaa tissss mind aaaaaaaaaj when you literally have to run n get ready cause it got that late modern family Him highs and workout all mixed together after very long!!!!!!

Done and done!!!!!

Love, Him!!2

 It was that feeeeeeeel charlie from that distance to finalllly holding him to know he was there for real and then to move a lil away as he moves a lil away to live your details the way he would just wait for you to chummi instead of him doing it and it always used to start from his forehead his mono noseee his cheeks everywhere his face to the way he would suddenly hold your face and finally chummi you away!!!!!!

Not sure if it’s the sound of this music or just the mind today ever since the dream this morning just wanting to live it out write it out and relive him as you do…

To just live him charlie like you never could live love any other face again cause nothing else made you feel this way nothing else!!!!!!!

It’s him all of him his voice his eyes that sense of him his movements the way he is anythung to everything he does the sound of his scream the sound of his chuckles the sound of his sleep talk the sound of his snores the sound of him faking anger the way he used to walk cyckle dance around that enthu face when searching for some movie that over enthu face when watching a movie his shoulder shrugs when watching a movie his winks from a distance like suddenly would look at you wink at you and then chuckle away over your reaction!!!!!!!

To love has always always been him to feel love live love understand and know love has been him……..

Even writing it now his space soon as you enter his bicycle at the right around chappals straight was his editing and writing space over the floor his edit setup over another table left kitchen right you take straight was the washroom and left from there was his room…

U forgot a client meet on Saturday important one and visuals of him his spaces this clear as you suddenly realise as you write now……….

Never did you ever think for once back then at his space in that meet after that meet it would be this long bolke…….!

Love, Him…!

 It’s in moemnts when you been missing him this bad lately and then to find those most loved circles over as and when you can sneak her fone which you do most often now have been updates about his work his first video reaching a million and you call for pasteries have a lil celebration first question form her what are we celebrating and your mind screams Him…

Just smile and go on with the day it’s like every single time those moments with him his words living his dream in his words and dreaming it with him wishing it with him with that someday and now after years these achievements you know what they mean to him and to you it means the world cause THEY HAVE HIS HANDS ON THEM like the ultimate level of Khushi it brings the second you see any bits of his work and this wait for the final video to come out…….

It in a strangest beauutofully ironic of ways reminds you of his Bangalore day his jute cottage edit time like almost every day other you remember asking him when do I see it when will it release will it be over tv too cause back then your iq or basic knowledge was on O iq maybe still is same but yaaa with no sense what do ever about it but there was that Khushi ayyaaaaaa his work bolke to see it to know this is what his work is about and these bits today bring those days along brings that beauuuutiful wait along somehow…

Again one of those things that’s beyond logics nai why or how!!

Biggest fan of his charlie like ever anythung to do with him with this sense of missing just touching his face his cheeks that comes along with this track his skin his daaaadi his eyes as they blink more when you feel em it’s these lilst details that used to make you feel come alive that sense of his presence that used to make sense more than anything else in the world like bas yahi hai this is it….this is where you wanna be this is how you wanna be this one visual living him soon as you enter his Dd space this very clear that meet soon as you enter the way his face used to fataaaaak se lit up charlie like suddenly there’s that bulb that hit a on on him and he would take a few steps back and that one smile a lil more cause he could sense that suddenly made you restless him a moving a lil back n away and then stand there live you and that beautiful restlessness in you to just hold him only after a few mins one lil step towards you and you take few more to that one rush to Finnnaaaaaaly hold him away something’s you write and this deeeeeeeep sigh everything inside you lives breathes this very moment as you write!!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie it only he had the slightest idea bhi how much how much he is missed!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooo long!!!!!

 It’s been soooo sooooooooo long charlie!!!!!

The face you breathe live looooooove and how and having lived away all these years all this time without having seen lived touched felt for real it’s your heart alone knows how and what it’s been like…

And everytime single time you sit down to write out these moments from the dreams throug your day trips of him the waaaaaaay it only feels more deep as you write it out like it aches a lil more than how you’d felt in that moment in comparison to when you write out now like this this aches a lil more…

These beautiful beauuutiful moemnts of magic lately be it finding wake up Sid tracks even decade later some mall some cafés some store including at IKEA finding the cigarettes after sex track in that very moment when you were already living him away with eyes shut right in the middle of the crowd mad mad crowd around like suddenly all those sounds of children crying people yelling talking out loud sounds of food and trolleys moving around disappears suddenly it’s all that veauuuutifully quiet and all you can see feeel live breathe in that very moment was the visuals of him at the billing counter looking up at you smiiiiling that one smile of his that every single time made you fall harder deeper in love with him all over again!!!!!

It’s some moments charlie that are just beyond you and when they hit you away amidst everything else when you were least expecting it you just gotta live it to the fullest not care about everything around or her talking screaming to check on the trolley like all you had to do in that moment is feeeeeeeeee him away to and with the sound cause that’s how clearly tug could see him in that moment or those moemnts recently!!!!!

Him vibes!!

 Like from that very moment of trippin on him to the sound of the flute finding a flute artist did become the next most important thing in the list…

Finally after a few searches did find some artist a few tracks but the search mode is stil on to find that one him vibe wala artist…

To that to finqlllllky adding gulmohars at the entrance instead of just the lift area!!

It’s been one long journey of first finding your liking to loving Gulmohar after him ever since then it’s always been bout saving any to every sighting of them and then after years of taking aaju baaju walon ka Gulmohar comes over your own at your very entrance and every morning now the first thing soon as you are at the studio is to head to the other door open the door live that beauty of them with lil leaves scattered around n over the pot relive him from those very moments smile on and head to the workshop to check kn work… it’s like one routine now cause you have no NO absolute idea charlie how happy having your own gulmohars to live and miss him away makes you feel now!!!!!!

Just the sight of them in corners of the studio as you have had them placed on a way that it reflects in the mirror in corners and the heiiiights of Khushi it brings along the waaaaaaays it brings him along is beyoooond words and logics I say!!!!!!

And the number of pictures you keep clicking now is another story only !!

To this one image as you were clicking and realise the way this one hugest plant of studio has these leaves curved and forming a beauuutiful C as the backdrop of Gulmohar lilst findings I tell you and fataaaak se becomes your wallpaper!!!!!

HIM!!!!!

 There’s everything else on one side and then there’s just him this beauuuuutifully all of him and how that you breathe n live away without even intentionally doing so…

Ever since Ramzan there’s this shift in work timeline early mornjngs and early evenings off work which did give you enough time on hand to work on the redo of the interiors as the shoots are now indoors so making lil changes adding few things had your hands full……..planning organizing everything at once and then amidst all of this there are these dreams of his the waaaaaays he comes charlie like that one strongest sense of him him making you feel telling you allowing you to feel his love away for you that now leave you confused with a a zillion questions soon as you are up…

To this one trip to shilparamam to just check out a few decor options like the ancient traditional types with more rustic finish……soon as you are there few rounds and suddenly it all turns cloudy and this one corner with trees hovering over the head your most fav visual after him and as you stay there this one sound of the flute looking up shutting your eyes away and the second you vibe with the sound that one visual of him his face upclose like from that very moment you were holding his face in your hands and living that beauuuuuuty of him every lil detail of him from the closest possible right there as you stand there amidst the most serenity setting around with that one sound…

That was prolly the first time you fell in love with the sound of the flute try to Shazam it but no results cause that’s how strongly you felt him with that one sound like there was manager talking something asking you come along to the next store but you just couldn’t move from that spot it was that wholeeeeee vibe of him charloe the same like it used to with his presence back then like you see him and you can’t move look away or feel hear see anything else but just him like all your senses that beauuuuuutofully held by that beauty of his prsence!!!!!!!!

Something’s you write shut your eyes and that one deeeeeel as you relive those moments of his orsence for real feels like another lifetime altogether with the distance now…

Him!!!!!!

 Annddddddddd moments these very moments like these!!!!!!!!

Your own hands eyes visual sound sense of self everything else this beauuutifully disappears and all that stays like always is this very beauuuuuty of him and the sound of magic…!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeee if you only knew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!