Beauty!!!!!

 This beauty of this hour of the day mind is that pure that raw and at its own best!!!!

Cause you’ve had a long day now it’s just you your thoughts feels of the day at their tired best and rawest best raring to get out and just be….

When you are your truest best possible not having to act or try and be normal!!!!!

Also why you loooooove to write him out at this hour mostly!!!!

And the other thing you love is to self reflect even working on something play his music and wander off for a bit looking a second look at your own self and your thoughts!!!!

Lately with these dreams and then the after dilemma part of it wondering if it’s your mind your missing doing this to you!!!!!

Like the other day you actually felt that way said that way to yoruself for the first time wondering something bout him missing him that way and say it to yourself whowww you sure are hungry for him!!!!!

Seeeeee there even writing it out finally putting it here and reading it now all these feeeeels!!!!!!

There are these things ur so called friends somehow have conversations bout indirectly but you know directly firing at you and you always swim your way out of it literally!!!!

The other day at the shoot the photographer being real late and finally shows up as you were still waiting in the car and stands outside your side of the door and just stares smiling away……

Step out and the way the guy asks you firstly which track was it playing cause it made the guy (when you don’t want to add he to the guy it becomes the guy) and yiy ignore and ask if we can proceed to the shoot…..as it was glass animals playing which you’ve been himtripping on and HIW!!!!!

Heading to the shoot they both knew each other the model and the guy and start to talk and the way the guy shows you the apartment beside and starts off saying friends lives and his childhood memory about the park and something and you take faster steps skip the conversation and head to the shoot spot…….

And once there they join and the first thing the guy mentions is how could you skip someone sharing childhood memory and jokes bout and you mention bout starting early for the shoot as it was sunny already…..and look up and this beauuuuuuty of your another most loved thing as a kid watching the rocket trail kinda streak across the sky that day it was like this huge C across the sky with him clouds all over……

And you mention that you have to have the clouds in the frame and the guy mentions bout that it’s not iphone camera to catch the clouds and a professional camera so it doesn’t catch clouds and also jokes with model that this was the first time somebody gives a work brief as this bout the framing that the clouds have to be there and that’s when you realise you just literally screamed out your missing loud enough…

To that one time in between when checking frames after the shot is captured the guy gives the camera and you checking the shot bout to drop your phone and the guy takes your phone and checks the wallpaper and asks first thing what’s his name cause this definitely looks like something related to love…..and for the first time you the moooood you were in that himhighd and plus the aunty ways that the guy was being nosey at u say his name loud Chetan……..

And that feeeeeeeeel charlie that very same second that feeeeeeeeeel to share out loud to say his name out after SO long like to literally say it loud and not just inside you that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel and you just couldn’t stop smiling the waaaaay it made you that happy……

And as the shoot goes on the way the guy requests to play some music and the same one playing in your car as the guy couldn’t Shazam it and you make sure to play random dj playlists during shooots and not your him music set!!!!!

The shoot goes on with you ear plugged with his music for most of it which initially felt like somebody just took the steer wheel of a maybach kinda beauty off your hands and takes over it cause the complete control of the shots was upto the guy and this habit they have no of showing the model first instead of the designer is irrrrritating!!!!!

Like it’s our work out there and the model has to okay it first like how!!!!!

The shoot goes on and with the wrap them talking bout for breakfast to know more bout Chetan and like always skipping it away head back to work as you had to finish some fabric work head to the vendor to check for the stocks……the beauuuuuty of it the second you are there this blue car with number plate 2727 and the first step into the store and the first song that plays is hawayein ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

To find him in moments like these to find him in places and that very second you head to the sofa instead and just be with that feeeeeeeeel of him!!!!!!

Last week over coffee in the evening they were talking bout this logic of attention male attention of how if you miss it from someone then when you find it anywhere you are immediately drawn towards it…..to makeup for the lost attention!!!!!

And to be honest charlie it’s been very long VERY and yet that day facing talking conversing with some guy or aunty rather in this case not even for a second you did like to say the least like it was more like going back to reliving him again even as strangers the waaaaaay he had that class in carrying himself around people…….

Like you would never never find him to be the first one to approach and get all friendly in the start itself and that one something being in his own wonder and wander and how you looooooooooved that bout him…….

Where that day you literally tell the guy that being the perfect aunty type and that too takes it as a joke!!!!

Like literally the types of having a gay friend that you don’t have to worry bout or feel uncomfortable around kind…..

And exactly the kind you just ignore away all through and in that world of your own reliving him away from that morning…..

It’s to realise self reflect how it’s never been anybody just anybody even be it attention and how the logic they were directly commenting towards wasn’t true in your case…..cause you don’t like even to say the least!!!!!

It’s like the mind the inside the all of you is twisted in that one certain and only way and react to just that one thing hooooman place you call your own…….

It only reacts to that direction all of them talking commenting doesn’t even matter cause u gottaaa mouth it’s always going to talk……it’s how you react that’s upto you nai!!