The love circle!!

 And let's just call it the love circle!!!!!!!! Cause the way it makes you the happiest I say!!!!!!!

Morning morning that very moment of pure happiness first thing to live that beauuuuuuuty of him and then to find the love circle circling around......

There's always that span of time from hitting it to check to just seconds before wher your mind runs a roll of possibilities could be some new music that you'll find of his along with story wishing hoping could be some picture of his and you'll get to live thatbeauty of him or could be hoping some some drive some hand image something anything bout him...

To finally hitting it to see and every single time it's something to do with his work and your heart swells with pride am telling his biggest fan ever like ultimate one....

From him seeing getting annoyed to chuckling over your music choices related to Himesh and watching you sing away like Himesh back then at the gym to coming years after that almost same category of music honey!!

Him working on a project and that too launching on Netflix!!

This heart I tell right now cause you know what it means to him!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only so so soooooooooo godamnnnnnn proud I say!!!!!!!!

The way it always takes you back to that night at opera him his head on your lap getting upset over work not working out and crying over it post Niladri Kumar concert...like even then you for sure knew he would do something big make something big out of him cause he was hungry for that charlie.......like the core in him passionate bout films and film making like you knew all along but that night was the first time you had visually experirnced what it really meant to him!!

And the way ever since then it has just stayed with you!!!!!

The beauty of him the passion in him just HIM all of him through n through...!

Curled up!!!!!

 What happens after a missing high state of mind and yet he doesn’t come you rush first thing into a workout!!!!!

It was a very late start to the day as you decided to sleep in the day and skip work cause mind is just not in the state to work it’s gotten that beautifully worse charlie you are seeing him all around a car passes by and you think it’s him driving that makes you skip many heartbeats…….a zillion other different instances it’s like anywhere and everywhere there’s him all around like that THAT much him suddenly…

And that’s only been making your missing all the more madder now!!!!!!

Like you don’t even know what to do with THIS much and all this missing accumulated suddenly!!!!!

Like why it’s been this beauuuuuuuutofully worse lately you just donnoooo!!!!!!!

Even today when you wake up real late after watching a movie that barely made sense and now you don’t even remember what the movie was bout cause that’s how HOW himzoned you’ve been recently…

And just didn’t want to work today be it that dream yesterday that’s been running your imagination wilder or that one moment when you for a second think he was standing right beside you in the pharmacy…….

To think of it now that one moment had you thinking you wouldn’t even know what to do with him when in presence for real like to just live him run to him hold him stay there chummi him or in just one go eat him up I swear!!!!!!!

With all this missing you wouldn’t know what to do when he is actually there standing there before you living breathing same air as him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa to even relive that feeeeeeeel right now gooooooosebumped!!!!!!!!

One deliciousness he was I swear!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooooo yaaaaah today it’s been that missing rush of too many things be it dream yesterday or not having lived him today like that feel of not waking upto him and the first thing like always reaching out to your moms fone living him there watching his magic trick video and every single time he says 1 2 3 you are more enthu than ringo to watch his expression that waaaaaaaay he comes closer ayyyaaaaaaaaaa how lucky that fellow is man!!!!!!!

Do those usual bits to startinf day drinking water somethjngs like always that one bit of him lived there telling you how it gives good skin and better tummy first thing in the morning paaani peena bey!!!!!!

To getting in the workout and it’s been his Ricky Martin dancing grooving away kinda workout!!!!!

To finally those moments of living him feeeeeeling him and this one time amidst moments and moves as you lay over the mat and that one feeeeeeeeeel of being curled up and over with his legs…….

It’s the waaaaay sometimes he would pull you down to sit with him on the floor in his room against the wall and have you in the middle of his legs and curl you up with it and that feeeeeeeeeeeeel of being all wrapped up with him that same exact feeeeel vibe today in that very moment……even wring it now you know it’s absolute madness but the waaaaaaay you felt him that way that strongly was BEAUTY!!!!!!!!

And there was this track Latin but the vibe of the track and the waaaaaaaaaay it makes you feeeeel him all over you around you with gentle to wild brushes was pure magic!!!!!!!

It’s been too many feeeels today it’s like you feeeeeeel his missing over in these moments how you still donno but the waaaaaaaay it feeeels cahrlie as you gently move his hand touch slight nibble or bite over the skin like the feeeeel of it around neck legs as you move that vibe of him that saaaame feeeeeel of how you used to feeeo in his presence!!!!!!

Am telling going all mad over and HOW!!!!!!

This rush this rush right now too as you relive him yesterday morning today in between those moves!!!!!!!

It’s been one happy him wildhighd kinda day today already!!!!!

Daaaays!!!!!!!

 When you finally openly like actually openly say it out there’s no face like his there’s nothing else that ons you like him!!!!!!!

Exaaaaactly why you don’t trust people and drinking out out…

Lomitiatyons is something people just only understand charlie……

When you rush to the washroom after ordering a gin something which was milder version and come back sipping tequila something away and the waaaaaaaaay it hits you like you had al him eyes the waaaaay everybody sitting on the opposite did become him……like for those few initials mins it was all him all across the couch on the opposite side……

This restaurant thing of a friends family and after a lot of sniping you finally head over and with 3-4 other friends of hers they call for diffeeent different drinks and you ask the milder gin version and rush to the washroom…….come back first two sips wow wow and you gulp more fataaak se……and that echo of him karely that’s not how you drink howliii and the waaaaay it makes you giggle away while sipping it……and you try to walk a lil away to take a home call or something it was and you just couldn’t walk straight…go back to sitting not saying a word and the way she comments something and holds your hand making sure you are okay and you drink more water but that drink tasted soooooooooo good charlie with all things pineapple mint and something!!!!!

And some guy friend of hers comments over how your face turned red and you move to the next table strangely as it was empty too and talk to her from there…….all you remember was somebody saying how you were off like something looked off and you actually say it out by there’s no face like him cause it was all him that you could see sitting there with you like he used to at his place across the dining table and you actually were him trippin looking at that spot across the table and say it put nothing ons you like him………

And she comes over holding you and taking that remaining glass away and you try to eat more and drink water more…

And just wasn’t feeling right cause that drink as deeeelicious it was it was toooo strong like the mind running in ripples and as much as you were loving it you didn’t like that sense of losing your sense in a public space with people not so close to……drink some water more and ask her to drop you till the car!!!!

Manage somehow and on your way back most of the cars MH again and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him from that opposite side of the table just looking you in the eye like he was actually there for real like all you could see feeeeeeel was him!!!!!!

Him in a navy blue shirt full grown sexness of his daaaadi his high shy eyes and that one constant smiiiile on him!!!!!!

Be it that pharmacy moemnt or at manam choc a guy wears that same khaki jacket of his and instead of ordering for dark chocolate with that person still standing there asking which one you standing and watching that guy and picturing him from the lift in that khaki jacket ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa and the waaaaaaaaaaay he looked messily sexy gorgeous wild human in the rawest of forms!!!!!!

Am telling you nai charlie his missing is absolutely insanely driving you mad like you can’t handle yourself only anymore imagine saying this out before people……

Like the missing is coming out verbally after not being able to hide it al in I say!!!

Few texts of her asking who you were talking bout and stuff things you don’t even know what to answer I say!!!!!

But this feeeeeeeeeeel of him charlie even inn your way back listening to his music reliving him from this morning dream without his shirt or that moennt with the navy shirt on am telling you with or without shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa whattttteeeeeeeeeeeeeee sexesdddsdddsssup beauty he is!!!!!!!

This mind right now!!!!!!

To the second you are home and and first thing you see is the order of pink floyd t arrived!!!!!

Pink floyd collection cause again the waAaaaaaay it always brings back that night drive him dropping you home playing pink floyd and you ask him to play or he plays crazy diamond and that feeeeeeeeeeel or live him with that sound…….the waaaaaaaay he was talking bout the band even though it was a post bup meet it didn’t feel like one…the way he was sharing the music band details and to live him his details his lips his facial expressions his hand moving changing track adjusting the steering trying to get his hand closer and then not holding your hand…to that moment when he finally looks you in the eye whilst driving and just bout looks over his shoulder for a second and back at the road…there was your call your pull to finally be able to go closer and you lay your head over his shoulder and that feeeeeeeeel that one habit always to first sniff away the scent of him and the waaaaay he would move his shoulder close to the face just so he could feel your skin foreahead agahnsf his skin……..

Some moments where to where only it went ever since then Pink floyd has always been more bout him that night drive and this sudden realisation his skin you’ve been missing away a lil too much nai……..

His pink floyd to saying it out how he ons you facepalm nai bodypalm moment that was!!!!!!!

He ons you writing it out and laughing at yourself for again a disaster attempt at drinking out…….this time afyer time unless it’s your mom or with him manifesting lately there’s no drinking out on your own………

How does wearing things that make you feel like his hug just cause it holds a memory of him makes you feeeeel all this away on the inside…….

This wild state getting madder and wilder by the day how like this!!!!!!!!!!

HOW!!!!

 When you are literally seeing him anywhere and everywhere!!!!!

Standing in a crowded pharmacy now and it’s like him standing right beside you takes you a min to get back your senses and realise it’s not him…

Moments like these and the waaaaaay they take you back to the feeeeling of what and how it really felt like to be in his presence…….

Ayyyaaaaaaaa this heart of yours right now when for that tiny second you think it’s him………!

Dontevenknow!!

 This is absolute absoluteeesesely beautiful madness I say!!!!!!

The way he has been coming the way you’ve been feeling the way it’s all been transforming away and turning you into this YOU that you were back then with him and in his presence is just going beyoooooooond evrry logic possible!!!!!! 

This you that’s being lately at work trying your best to hide and yet they notice the obvious change in you and you jsuttttttytt can’t fight hide it cause this you when happens there’s no hiding fighting from!!!!!!

But it’s never been this way and this beautifully hard hitting I say I swear!!!!!!!

Like you feeeeeeel him that strong like that’ strong not just your mind but every inch of you feeeeels senses him even after the waking up too the waaaaaay it all feels on the inside outside that you actually met him for real and is also what’s driving you mad absolutely mad lately missing him that and away soon as you are up!!!!!!

That’s making you search for him all the more around places just to find him…

To yesterday when you were supposed to be on that road trip to Bombay like by now you should’ve been there in Bombay but again the trip changes cause of your mom being able to travel long distance immediate due to heavy blood loss suggested by the doctor!!!!

It was for a friends exhibition and also a possible meet with an investor and collaborator for a store there that you’ve been planning since over an year now, now again pushed to another after 2 months…

Like in your mind you were that set to be there in Bombay and the very first thing to do the second you are there was be at Versova like straight go there like it was all set to the itinerary planned out literally……

And it was feeeeling all ajeeb inside and you decide to head out for a long drive skipping lunch away with your model friend…..like she is on the fone as always and you ask sudhakar to take it as long and as far as it goes over your most loved route of Narsingi to almost Bombay highway…..

It’s this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie everytime when there like in your gut you feeeeel you’ve been there on the same road with him specially worn it’s night time and the way all you could feeeeel live was him from those drives back home from opera last night…….like just looking out with this new music find and living that THAT much him away that one point she pinches your arm hard to literally get you out of the zone and now it left a mark……in your head again smiling away as and when you see it cause any mark like that on your skin takes you always takes you back to his colors of love over your skin…

And color variations depending upon the level of his missing you…

Like there was that missing that strong and always coming home you are so so soooo damn lost!!!!!!

It’s that blank numbness that you feel all of inside missing him away that bad!!!!!!!!

It’s his skin his eyes his smile his face his nose his lips his shoulders his hands the fine hair on his hands and chest his legs his small curvy ears every inch of him that rushes through you every glimpse stare smile scream and sound of him rushes through you!!!!!!

It’s like suddenly feeeeeeeeelig him away THAT much you come back so damn lost wondering where did he go!!!!!!

To this himcoming last night too!!!!!!!

Like you FELT him for that long and the way in beyeeen he points out to that shirt in the other side of the bed saying naam ke liye shirt there exact same way that you call the back shots in shoots saying naam ke liye back shot!!!!!

Looks back at you and that one stare cause he was off shirt and smiiiiiiiles away seeing your nervousness you can actually check me out and that’s when you actually do looking away from his face and over him……..something’s you write now relive now hands shaky goosebumps all over!!!!!!!!

There was that mucn him that clear that strongly clear and feeling him that you wake up and first thing look beside turn to that side of him wanting to hold him wanting to live that moennt again there was THAT MUCH want in that moment when you turn towards him……..and the level of disappointment not finding him there was SOMETHJNGELSE!!!!!!!!

Ankle a lil strained still and yet you just had to feel him do a lil workout and not being to do the himflows you switch to the inversions!!

And all you could feeeeeeeeeeeel was him from the drives late nights and you talking bout something like going on n on and he would sjust look you in the eye with that one smile and sometimes suddenly pull over checking the place around and that same second holding your face away chummi eat your face up literally………and this beauuuuuty today as you were reliving that moennt in some move sweat drip over the spine and you in that very moment feeeeeeeeel that gentle brush of his hand over the back to the neck and that same feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel again!!!!!!!!!

It was MADNESS the waaaaaaaaaay it only made this already state of you this beautifully worse!!!!!!!

It’s driving you mad literally missing these details of him away every bit of him every bite of him!!!!!!!

How do you tame it down how do you hold it all in os something just not understanding I say!!!!!

Like even now this him highdddddddddddd like you are this high in your head right now too!!!!!!!

How do you feeeeeeeel all this him and in WAYS like this and not for real find him there…

Ankling!!!!!

 Dreams with sounds and then now sounds visuals…!

If only the ankle wasn’t ankling like this ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this urge to move and feeeeeel him along right now right now again!!!!!!  

Some dreams this beauuuuuuutifully real and the only eyes in the world face in the world soon as you open yours that you wannaaaa seee live feeeeeel touch chummi eat away I say!!!!!!!

This right right now morning rush of him mind still barely up and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him still from the dream…

This wish every single time you wake up from a night of living that rush and missing of his , for the very moments to continue for the very him to still be there even in the waking state right now right now!!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed away abhiiiii k abhiiiiiiii if you only had the slightest idea!!!!!!!!

Abhiiiii k abhiiiiiiiii uskuuuuu fulltooooooo feeeel ho jaaanaaaaaa this missing rush in you right now…!

The stare…..!

 Soooooo yaahhhh!!!!!

To his place too!!!!!

His usual style of sliding over the side thing of the stairs and right before that there used to the dining table and wit his sister around the house doing random things him in his room letting her spend that time with you…..

And at the dining table almost lunch time and him sliding over it coming down and that visual that feeeeeeeeeel every single time wit her still asking something bout food but you your mind your eyes all of you on the inside outside just lost in him…….the way he would do that looking you in the eye and soon as he comes down that one time he says laughing away looking you in the eye this chair ku side pe karke seedha udhar land karna nai mein and you excitedly nod away saying a yes and him nodding back at you with that shy smile on him and all of this his sister still asking what it was bout as she doesn’t get it what it was bout……

Him talking bout the way you were happy seeing him wanting to land over right before you on the table for you to eat him instead of the food before you……

Like he would know just knowwwwwww that well bout how exactly you felt every single time just living that presence that one visual of him even at the book store you looking around at comics and he would be on the actual book side and across the shelf that one visual of him looking at some book and you just finding that corner of being able to see him…

It’s this feeeeeeee cahrlie that love loving someone comes along with…it’s not just bout seeing them that makes you happy it’s somehow bout the gratitude it fills your heart with to just have them in your life like that sudden realisation oh wow it’s Him that ekdum seee used to make you happy smile every single time you see him…….

Even at his Dd space meets standing at the door he would stand there at the entrance look at you with that wiiiiiiiideest smile possible and say in that soft tone of his voice like even writing it out now you can almost hear him his voice exactly say it in that tone whatsaaaaap smiling teeeeth widely one hand holding the door the other against the wall and just checks you out top to toe smiiiiiling that smile…

Only after a min or two letting you in and immediately walking a lil away and just living you that way as you close the door turn around and see him a lil doooor across the room just watching you with that smile and telling you again sooorat dekh Teri kaisa smile karrri and him telling you this whilst having the most gorgeous smile possible glued on his face!!!!!

And as you step a lil closer the way he would take a step back and you make some face and the easaaay it used to make him that happy away and slowly lifting his arms up for a hug and the waaaaaaaaaaaay it would make you run to him!!!!!!

SOMETHUNGS YOU WRITE OUT AND RELIVE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was just yesterday he was here the way it still feels like it was just yesterday !!!!!!!!

These visuals this clear him from that very moment this THIS clear!!!!!!

In that very spot of his house!!!!!!!

The state……..!

 Be it your place he comes to drop you back leaves you home and again by looking at you wanting you to drop him back till the lift…..

Coming out of your room seeing him standing out on the terrace waiting for you to come to him and that very visual this clear again as you write now like it was just yesterday he was standing there waiting for you to come out to him and the waaaaaaaaaays it used to make you feel that happy that one face that one visual of him to just live him…

And second you come out the way he would again hold uourbhand till the corner of yours one floor down against the wall pulling you closer kaisaaa aisa merku dekhri tu it’s like suddenly you get so happy seeing me and that’s exactly how you used to feel no matter back then it was everyday seeing him AGAAAAAAAAAIN something’s you write!!!!!!!!

The stare…!

 Be it malls be it his house be it your house be it steps your galli his galli be it anywhere any place possible him a lil away and then finally finding him…

It’s these words today that you find on page story and the way it narrates the exact same Vibe of him from back then…

It was those initial days even much before talking to him at the gym afyer that first initial stare with him across the mirror moment…like you would be anywhere doing some workout and he would walk across the room towards you looking you in the eye like there used to many girls there many people for that matter but he would directly look at you and that one sight of him across the room or even not looking at you just that sight of him used to make you very very happy…….

There was this one time when he doesn’t come to the gym for like 2 days or something ir was after you were friends and you wait looking at that door waiting for him to walk in first day all day there like you wait longer worked out more than usual just hoping he would walk in any time and doesn’t happen same goes the next day also he doesn’t come…

It was only after 2 days just stepping out of the auto you see him stepping out of the store under the gym and that Khushi in you you remember this this clearly cause it had you wondering all day that day why did that sight of him after 2 days made you happy like you never were before like that level of Khushi never experienced before anythung like that….

And you literally run to him and ask him where he was and that first thing he does is chuckles away that adoooooooooorably and just nodding away saying something and you randomly talk to him and walk with him to the gym upstairs…..

Back home all that while even before sleeping there was this constant wonder why it made you that happy that one visual of him head down stepping off the stairs with his backpack on his shoulder just that one visual made you that happy……

It was only after you realised it’s love like all other moments he shared this with you too……that was his friends idea cause knowing you were bout to get married then and he just wanted to know if you felt the same way for him as he did for you…….it was his friends idea to skip gym for few days to know how you felt not seeing him and he struggled to stay home and not see you for those days and the first thing when he notices your reaction he laughs at you knowing you felt the same way for him too……..

The way he talks bout it with that level of happiness in his voice bout how bad he missed seeing yuv and that very moment to see you run towards him and ask him wher he was that way the way he says you should’ve seen your face it was all over your face in that very moment that you were in love with me without even knowing it yourself….and that made me very happy seeing how you felt for me that day…

And it’s always been that way charlie be it in malls too him in some corner of the store checking kurtas for you and you are men’s wear and suddenly he would come calling you out and just seeing him used to make you that happy and that smile on him just seeing you that way every single time the waaaaay he would fondly call you howli and smile a lil more cause he always used to notice how just seeing him used to make you that happy away!!!!!!

Something’s you write and relive and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel now suddenly!!!!!!!!

Words with visuals!!

 Somehow you managed to get yourself walking again into the car and just forget to tell her bye and all cause that’s how lost you were in him and this happens very often charlie…some moennt of him some visual of him from that very moment and the waaaaay suddenly you forget everything else that you were doing and all your mind wants to is play that visual of his on loop and just live feeeeel adooore him away on loop…

It’s that pull you experience that sort of draws you closer to everything him and off and away from everything else…

And it’s only after you leave from there on your way home she calls you gets mad at you for forgetting her there and stuff and you realise how it wasn’t just his presence that used to do things like these to your mind it’s even in his absence anything him still does this away to your mind…

Coming home finally finishing the drive to survive thing and as and when you watch that one feeeeeeeeeeel of how just how anything he loves becomes your most loved thing to do or watch in this case like the ultimate fan of him for life…

Ankles got worse but this thing now even when your mom tries to massage your ankle and feet and you were just blindly smiling at her with him on your mind……like it was him on the couch before you holding your feet up and massaging it and you smiling to that visual of him and it’s only when she calls you out loudly do you realise it was her instead…and the first thing she asks you is who did you picture again the way you were smiling at her…….

And yes it happens a lot something of him out of nowhere and you slip into your wonderland of him forgetting bout where you are what you were doing and all and all that stays lives is that moennt of him that you were trippin on like actually seeing him there instead of the actual person there…….

Am telling you nai charlie the things a missing high mind could do that’s been specially missing for years now the things it can do is jus beyoooooond!!!!!!

Him THE beauty!!!!!!

 On your way back from some movie or mall or people watching and getting off the stairs and you miss a step and fall few steps off till the last level and he immediately comes running over and you were almost up by then off floor looking around and he gets on his knees to check your leg as you limp a lil…makes you sit there instead again takes your sandal off and starts to massage your ankle with your feet over his leg and lifts the chudi a lil up to massage a lil up and that one moennt looks up in the eye and that slight smile on him to just live that feeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!!

Be it the moennt of him not caring people waking jn n out watching him do that to your ankle sitting that way on the steps or to just live that feeeeeeeel of his touch differently that day….it was those initial days and the way he gently touches your feet first and then a lil opera massages your ankle away…….anddddddd when oopar becomes opera autocorrect I tell you!!!!!!

Today as you sit there massaging your ankle away firstly wondering how does someone fall that bad walking in the most flattest of sliders in a flat surface cause back then still you used to wear heels and the way he holds you by your waist helping you walk to the car and that adooooooooooorably screaming at you asking why do you even wear heels why can’t you just wear flat chappals…

And like everything else bout you transforming away into things he liked and loved sandals too was one of them…after that you’ve never worn heels ever again just like the nail color logic of his…

Today it was beautiful that moemnt of you alone in a way with that feeeeeeel of him cause there was this huuuge disappointment of missing out on the lucky ali show to just missing him that bad after the dream this morning…and there he was that in sync first with that visual of the feet on the girls fone to the next moennt actually sitting there by yourself massaging your ankle away laughing at your own self and just missing him that THAT bad!!!!!!!

Dazzzze!!

 It was supposed to be one of those perfect youday planned that well as a solo date with lucky ali concert today!!

Ticket booked well in advance like it was the last minute society thing for the lift company that you filed for the negligence and risking another residentes life too!!!!!

So it was the final meet today that happens at the last min that u couldn’t skip which goes on for hours and that feeeeeeeeeeeel THAT close you were to finallllly live his lucky ali live on a youday!!

And doesn’t happen and you wrre waaaaay more than just bummed bout it a friend calls up head out for a bit wit her and over coffee late in the evening new her friends cafe opening thing……and as you were on a call with the site guy fixing the date for the shoot they mention the word libra and the no story thing and that immmmmediayely makes you tell that guy call you back later and switch your ears to those mode of conversation happening at the table…

So it was bout somebody not posting stories suddenly that means there’s something definitely seeing somebody kinda thing…

Once it was done you get off head out with his music playing trying your best to divert your mind off the conversation and this other table the girl showing some image of the feet on her fone showing some anklet thing and that very second you miss a step or something on the flat ground wearing flat sliders and fall and slight ankle twist as you sit on the corner holding your ankle massaging it away and akele akele laughing over it!!!!!!

Up the volume of his music and just sit on the lil step to the side eyes closed head down relive him form that very moment relive that touch and feeeeeeel of him that very moennt and some moments the waaaaaaaaaaaay it can suddenly make you feeeeel away is beyond magic or logics for that matter today that very moment there massaging your ankle away picturing him in your mind was much much more than just, magic…!

Soo much!!!!!

 It’s that rush of too many feeeels that are rushing through you right now that you keep writing deleting back n forth!!

How do you even summ it all at once when you are feeling all this away and HOW!!!!!!

Words n visuals!!

 And some words at this hour this state of mind just does it for you…!

His face his details all that you loved living experiencing even across the room from a distance as he walks towards you it’s that instantttttttttt something it used to rush within you…

And when there’s that max rush inside of you seeing him it always always used to reflect all over you and how he used to notice it every single time…

Just as this beauty of the words that you stumble upon now on some story!!

Way of life...!

 When you love something cause initially he loved it that much...

With time it's also become your most fav thing to watch!!

Something's nai they just like that grow and become a way of your life and way of love, I guess!!

State of you!!!!’

 Close your eyes to relive it all one more time before you start to write a day already like this one!!!!!!

It’s this beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of Himcomings lately it’s these versions that he has been coming with today was the bite version of him!!!!!!

It’s like you were somewhere seemed like his house his room wit his nick nackd all around as you look around and you tell him it’s like déjà vu it’s still feeling like back in Versova meet you looking around things of his around and the waaaaaaay he holds you from behind biting away over your shoulder saying them we must do it all nai Versova wale kaaaam and you move or something and he holds you tighter in a way not wanting you to move……that feeeeeeeeeeel of his arms around holding on that way tightest his face over your shoulder and that neeed rush in you to see him to just turn around and seee him and you try your best but all fail with his grip around you……

To that moment when you finally move turning towards him and he was wearing a white shirt looking his sexily beauuuuuuuuuuuuutiful best it was almost sheer very sheer like you could see his skin beneath chest beneath and as you lookup finally at him his daaaaaaaaaaadi his high shy eyes looking smaller same way like it used to when high……that smile on him watching you check him out and you come closer to sniff his daaaadi away and he chuckles away that adoooooooorably saying howli kiss karti samjga mein…….it was him from today his sound the way he was talking was all like just like back then….it’s that same feeeeeeel cahrlie with his presence like you are being hyptonised by him away and HOW!!!!!!!

After sniffing him as you look up bout to kiss him and the way he holds your face moves it other way and bites away same side of the neck and jsut stays that way……..try to move doesn’t let you and some sound change and he moves still holding onto your waist and one hand reaches out to his laptop changing the track is when all of his shirt almost falls to one side as it was almsot wide open with his same style of keeping a few buttons off…..and to that moennt when he comes up again in slow mo you grab him instead hold his face instead and kiss him away!!!!!!

As he tries to say something in beyeeen not letting him like that rush of yours was like all of this missing taking it out all at once kinda rush like not letting him talk or move or anything to just finallllllllly live that feeeeeel of him taste of him to just feeeeeel all of him in that one moment where he finally pushes you away again and again bites of!!!!!!

It’s that few moments on loop like you were living him the way you’ve been missing him the most touching him places here you missed him most holding him living moments living him and him doing the same…….it was different cahrlie like both of you living each other feeeling the love feeling each other like for real after a long gap the way it all felt that real not a dream vibe it had that for real vibe…

That much real you actually wake up with a slight pink color of his over your shoulder and beautiful aches same kinda ache over your neck and shoulder…

Shoulder you could still add the logic of weights and workout but the neck the color of his over your shoulder again one of those things just veyoooooooond!!!!!!

Had to had to rush in the workout today you take it slow not finding great music or it was more focus on the himversions and the flows…….

And the moment you get in it’s this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him again all over you that the way it makes you feeel your own skin away…

It’s trippy the wayyyy it does things to your mind away feeeeeling his touch over you in places that sense of him his presence closer to your skin……..the way it makes you feel yourself as you move just something else!!!!!!

This mind ever since the start of the day today neck still feeeels this beauuuuuutoful like a place he had just been over…!

This misseeeeeeing definitely getting this beautifully worse!!!!!

Like when you write out and read your state of mind state of you how do you even reason this out…!

This you today already!!!!!!!!

Himvibe!!!!!!

 This viiiiiiiiiiiiiiiuiibe he comes with ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart of mine!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you even not this be himhighdddddddd afyer Himcomings like these!!!!!!!!!

That one face in the world has your pooooora ka poooooora heart and all things in between!!!!  

The way all of night he keeps saying it on repeat it’s you it’s been you between moments stopping moments after moments and most of al that one beauuuuuuuuutt he is in your most fav thing on him now in dreams the THE black shirt again!!!!!!!

It’s this beauty of moments like these when you haven’t seen him for real in a complete black shirt like you’ve seen online picture or his that he had posted on his birthday in that again black collared r shirt that you’d almost pictured him days before his birthday at the salon whilst day trippin on him…….

Bit shirt is something you haven’t seen him for real and now repeatedly on dreams this one sexi gorgeousness he looks in that shirt and like he knows how you like it looooove it wears it that way too!!!!!

To that one moment in that rush of his looking you in the eye breathing high when he pulls you closer just as you were moving or reaching to something and holds your neck and that moennt you feel like something broke you wake up and see your chain over neck broken in into two pieces.. for real mein!!

Something’s never did can never make any sense but all that it comes down to the waaaaaaaay he makes you feel his love for you still saying it out you know how this feels and yet can’t help it cause that’s exaaaaactly how he did come this morning too!!!!!!

It’s that rush it’s that missing of his on that extremes level to him whispering things to you and strangely you did manage to remember this time afyer waking up too…

The second you are up this one lil film thing you see and the very first person that crosses your mind was him to that need to feeeeel him lil longer in your waking state too……

And this almost surreal magic like beauuuuuuuty of these moments!!!!!!

Moving with himversions first then the flows and how he moved with you to those moments of living his lips again from Versova him nibbling over and then moving a lil away to see your face and then smiling away telling you he would do that till it goes a deeper tone of your lip it’s the closest and for the longest time you’d lived him for…

Like doesn’t let you move not even for water and stretches out as much as he could to reach out to that bottle of water and gives you…….and to live him move along with the music it was the most looooooooooooooooooved time of life I swear!!!!!!

Today as you move try out new moves lose balance and feeeeel his hands hold your waist and legs it was passionate it was slow it was beauuuuuuuuutiful!!!!!

How you loooooooooooooooved living him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face I swear this mind this you it transforms away into if you could you could go on the complete day with these flows just so you could live him along feel his touch along feel that sense of him along…

Magic!!

 Reliving the details again and this almost magic like beauty in the waaaaaay he comes!!!!!

Like you think you miss the most and no sign of him what do ever otherwise and then there are these dreams of his these Himcomings of his in dreams that has a completely different story altogether!!!!!!

The waaaaaaay it makes you geeel like today this morning even living him in those moments with those moments that he definitely missed you more than you!!!!!

Again writing out something’s saying it loud out howlee kaama nai!!!!!!!

How even like how that much of missing in him and yet this is the reality of it!!!!!!

Like onbvsly you can’t see cahrlie but the way he comes talks moves holds touches kisses anything to everything he does there’s that much missing in his presence in his details lilst of ways the way he kept pulling you closer whispering your name not letting you move even slightest bhi………like jsut to be touched held kissed by you like all he wanted in the waaaay just the waaaay he was this morning…

Whowwww everytime you write it out the way it’s like you are actually writing out a moennt from this morning that actually happened for real…!

Something’s nai!!!!!!!

Visuals!!

 There are these few places that you feeeel closest to him!!!!

Like as and when the mind goes too deep missing him that need to be closer to any place of his and this recent discovery from another friend suggestion was this some park at the Gandipet lake side…….

And to live a sunset there with the golden reflection all over the black floor there to live that moennt with his music playing just you standing there missed him the most there but it’s that something it fills you up with that is beyond you!!!!!!

It’s like suddenly missing him too much close your eyes and then ro feeel him there then and there how it always works like the second you turn around walking back to the car that one wish always from such places wanting to be there with him the next time……lately there have been too many moments be it in real or in dreams that you wake up manifesting for that moennt to come real to see him that way for real to hold him that way for real to touch him that way for real that day too like you were smiling akele akele just thinking bout him with that magical sunset there and knowing he would’ve loved it too…and wanting to be there with him someday!!

Something’s you know are just beyond everything else heart just wishes away cause it just felt something that strongly be it waking up like the one today……

That one wish to see him for real in that same tone shirt wearing it the same namesake style shirt on with it all open……

Like you wake up smiling and wishing for that visual to happen soon for real!!

Even writing and reliving him from that very moennt when he lets you check him out by moving a lil away raises his arms wide open a lil high just so you ache se check him out and you did and HOW!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!

 Visuals can do this to your mind!!!!!

These visuals of him from this morning and all your day the waaaaay your mind was tracing back to the first time loving living his lips for the first time to the many other times….

Be it the first time at the stadium place when he chummi eats your nose up for the first time and soon as he was done and moves his face a lil away from you still close and all you could live was that beauuuuty of his lips and he sensed that…..the way you were takkk bolke just watching his lips and that’swjen he suppose shares that story of his lip thing post accident of losing his tooth too…and how it was a lil side way type of shape of his lip but all that while you were just rooooo lost in that beauuuuty of that one thing that your nose was just inside seconds back and how he loooooooooooved that feeel….

Where on drives that was his most loved thing to do on you initially before the actual chummi happened…and one time he actually mentions how he thought something like that might irritate someone with their nose but the waaaay your face all goes happy and excited everytime he did that he loved that face on you post that moennt every single time…

To those moments post chummi and again you looooooved just living his lips from upclose apart from all his other details to the times when he sung to you cause when I touch you and everytime he said touch you the waaaaaaaaaaay he would go all pouty singing that one line and no matter sleeping over his lap on drives that one line you would sit up just to live loooooove adoooooore that pout of his away….

To those moments of feeding him parathas with his fav sweet mango pickle like he would ask to dip the bite of paratha completely in that pickle and then feed him on your terrace…

And almost everytime waiting for tat moennt to wipe his lips away and how you loooooooooooooved it one bite feeding him pickle gravy over his lips and you wiping it off his lips with your fingers and that one smiiiiiiiiiiile on him fataaaak se……..like just by your face he could sense how much you loooooooooved doing that and that slow whisper of his calling you howli mere karne ke kaama you do I should be liking your lips instead…….to that almost shy smile everytime after!!!!!!

Every lil detail of his charlie was looooooooooove absolute loooooooooove!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa reliving it now as you write the more you write now!!

Himcomings!!

 It was a rough tough day today be it work and once back early just so you could get that himversion in for the day and the same lift drops almost 2-3 floors on high speed……

It’s been months now since moms incident and you with other residents did raise concerns over but to no use and today that was the scariest ever with just you in it and finally had to file a complint over it so that took the evening!!!!!

Mind overworked come back home late glass of chilled juice topped with ice Ives just cause you had to write out this feeeeeeel of him today kaise bhhi……

And you knew daruuu boletho it will be all out so juice it is set the vibe and mood close your eyes for a bit to relive that feeeeeeel of him and whattttaaaaaaaaa sexy gorgeous piece of art he absolutely was……there was that level of joy passion beautiful beautiful  max madness in just to live that details of his from up closest…….to just feeeeel his hair his lashes his nose his skin and just gently brush your finger against his lip each lip at once not both together……..and to watch him transform in frames literally like gently his expressions smiles would change and you could sense feeeeel his passion grow literally live that beauuuuuuutoful transition of him..

The very same thing between moments to moments this morning and the way it was coming back to his lips feeeling it with your hands and the way he would keep coming closer instead to chummi you and you push his face gently and the way he actually tells you hau nai bhot time ke baad dekhri……

In that slow sexy tone of his voice and that very instance the waaaaay it makes you feel like he was there for real and not just a dream cause you could feeeeel live his details that closely like he was actually there for real…

And it was making you that happpppy away just feeeeelinf his details him looking that gorgeously sexy in that moody tone of deep maroon and there goes another color in the list of colors he looks sexy beauty in apart from that black shirt of his…….even writing it now the waaaaaay it all feels like you writing a moennt of meeting living him in real !!!!!

 Beautiful madness I say!!!!!!

This hour!!!!!

 The way it all comes down to this hour of your day you feeeeel this rush of him most as it’s just you at the end of the day after all the chaos and rush of the day to this calm and beautiful rush of him at this hour…

His Music playing the scent of warm candle in the air lights low and this mind right now specially after a day like this one today at its easest best……..

This feeeeeeeel of him and the waaaaaay it just surrounds all of you like literally melt you away and how just that recall of morning dream zoomed up max version of his lips and the waaaay it’s been playing on loop even now as you lay down feet up in the air and mind this full of him all you can think right now is his lips from this morning or be it from back then…

It’s like lately this new thing too a day comes with a gorgeous detail of him and you trip over it all through the day with just that one detail of his on loop on your mind all day long…

Today it was is that lip of his…!

Himcomings!!

 How do you even have a normal work face on when you live experience a himcoming like this one!!!!!!!!!!

That one face in the world epitome of all things that you live feeeeeeeel experience love in and with…

Ayyyaaaaaaa this rush right now and this struggle when you this bad aooooo soooooo bad want to feel him a lil more longer and want to get down with the workout and can’t cause of this sudden urgent work thing and this one thing in mind and on skin HIM!!!!!!!

Like even writing it out now this one constant face red akin goooosebumoed mode that you are on!!!!!!!

Like you loooooooooves his psy beeedi to get high on and live and experience all of him and now with his absence it’s his dreams that you get this high on like you can feeeeeel it rush theough you his lips his eyes his skin and forehead like that zoooooooooooomed up of him telling you making you feel whispering away letting you know by the way he was breathing against your skin that he that bad missed you where one time between the moennt u stop to take a look at him and tell him looking in the eye god I missed you and the way he eldummm se comes closer his signature style back then takes a bite off and then chuckles away saying I missed you too karely…

It was beauuuuuuuuuutiful passionate absolutely mad cause the way the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looked in that deeep maroon open namesake shirt on was from today the way he sounded was the waaaaay he used to say it in that specific same tone of his deep voice the waaaay he was holding onto you pulling you closer not letting you move an inch second away from him it’s this state of you right now even as you relive and write how do you even tame your mind from that!!!!!!!!

To that state still breathing high of him you wake up and first thing looking around looking beside you with that still mood of him being right there just second back and not finding him and now not being able to get that feeel for longer this one constant thing now can’t wait for the evening now…….

It’s like something’s you just have to it’s this feeeeeeling even right now all of you just wanting to get that in right now if it wasn’t for that call you would’ve been feeelinf him right now as mad as this sounds……..just can’t help it specially when you live him that way the way he came it’s this want neeed in you for wanting to live him feel him in your waking state this THIS badly!!!!!!!!!

Said it before can say over n over again nothing else in the world could you make you feeeeel the way you are fweeeling right now!!!! 

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeous gorgeous lil big adoooooooooorably sexy thing if you only had the slightest of idea how only you are being missed away!!!!!!!!!!

Auyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa how where do you even hide this face for now!!!!!!!!

How do you get your normal mode on!!!!!!!!

Sundaaaazzzzd!!!!!

 Is it the night of the hour is it the SJ dazzzzzzd himhighhhd or it’s just you missing him away like usuals!!!!!’

The waaaaaaay it’s swaaaaaaays you off makes you kiveeeee makes you feeeeeel all this waaaawayyyy and all it takes is zat one moennt from the morning that one faceeeee in the world for you n the waaaaaayeeeeeeeeeeee it makes u feeeeel all this awayaygggg his neck from the back toooo…….

That one twisted curve at the end of his haircut and bowwwwww you looooooooveeeeex touching it toooo like all the things bouteeee him it’s that nape of his neck at the back this very moment this song making u feeeel awaaaaye………

It’s the qaaaaaay he would moveeee suddenly when you touch awaaaye an unknown untouched before territory of him like it used to pause him suddenly no matter what he was at…….

Like suddenly would stop n let you live that unexplored before territory of him n u should’ve seeeene him chalier jn that very moment auyyyaaaaaaaaaaa an telllllin you that felllow only one had my heart kidney n evrythung in between n right now of all things just moving feeelin ur own hair awaaaye his nape of neck rushines throug you…….

Is it the youdaaay or is it you absolutely going. Mad over missing him away or orrrrr it’s the apple vodka let’s blame it all on vodka or the sound of his himhiiiidhf music right now that u feeeeelbloatedlyyyyyy sexyyyyyymissinf him awaaaaye toooooooo like sooooooodaaaaaaamngodcfcking sexyyyyyyy m telllllin u……andaaaarse whoooo bhi whoooo you beeeeee yooooooooooo

It’s this ausdeeen something it fills you up withhh it’s like his details with every move this beaaautofullly!!!!!

Just when you wnateddto feeeeel him every waaaye possible jsteeee when you we’re ready to!!!!!!!!!

Liivng his nape neck moment right now cause feeeeling your hair away right now made you feeeeeelin his hair nape neck right now!!!!!!

Sound of him!!!!!

 2 daru literally just 2 daru down and like always how's this strong unfighteable craving for that one sound of him that one sound of his voice as you move now with that sound or his music there's this stooooooooooong craving for him to call out your name just ti hear him say in that very ton of his voice!!!!!!!!!

How do your even hide fom cravings like this apary from his scent skin sense and taste there's this ting for his voice too!!!!!!!!!!

How like sesiuly howfo you hide your mind from what u r feelin right now

Himhighddddd!!!!!!

 Himhighdddd and HOW!!!!!

All it takes is that one sense of him that one scent touch feeeeeeel of him and this thing it does away this you it transforms away into!!!!!!

Be it the morning himcoming and the state of you it left in to not being able to work with that wild state of mind cause I swear when he comes looking like that the way he did in the max zoooooomed up version this mind I tell you there’s no coming back from there no taming it down cause it’s all just beyond you…

To this very moment watching house and that feeeeeeeel of watching it witb him back then at his Dd space where he tries his best to make you watch it sitting that close to him and him yet maintains that distance of one hand away from and you take your legs up hoping to get an inch closer and the waaaaay he smiles awaaaay watching the laptop screen…..

Leans over a lil in a way like he was adjusting the screen and you take a picture of his leg and yours in frame with hands over the laptop…and that smile that one smileeeeeee of his widens away that beauuuuuutifully calling you howli watch it and you tell him that’s exactly what you were busy with…

There was that beauuuuuuuty charlie of feeeeelinf that feeel of getting lost in him and him knowing how much you loooooooved living away his details…to the way he leans down closest to your feet almost with his face over your lap and looks up looks you in the eye that one way that sudden rush theojrb every vein in your skin the way he does and comes up with a bottle of water that was just beside your leg with that one smiiiiiiiile on him…and you slowly ask him are we still maintaining this distance and he shush’s you away asking you to watch it……..but your mind all of you with him that close to you you just couldn’t there was no way you could fix your mind n eyes over the screen it’s like every bit in you of you all you ever wanted was is has been Him…….

It was this stupid thing where afyer diskatced meets you told him will see you at cafe and he actually arranges that meet saying so we are at house cafe and we are going to sit how we are supposed to sit at cafe…….

From those hours to eating and still marinating distance as and when you try to touch him hold him and he adds see that’s not what you do at cafe to the moment you finally had to leave and you get off and he gets off comes that close and turns around as if he was heading to the door and you turn around trying to grab your bag and you keep complaining bout khaana khaane ayi kya mein house dekhne ayi kya ek hug nai ek kiss nai and something something constant complaining turning around and he comes and holds you from behind shushing you away as he holds closest and turns you around and there it was your melting moment as always with him…the second you see feel touch hold be held by him that way woooooooooooooosh bolke every single time everything on the inside outside used to melt away!!!!!

All you could sense feeeeeeeel live looooooooooove HIM!!!!!!!

Even writing out that very moment now this rush of goose bumps and this realisation he was that THAT close to you!!!!!!!!holding you touching you feeeling you away that close!!!!!!!!

Like real mein THAT close!!!!!!!!!!

Goooooodmorning!!

 And you know it's been a goooooood morning when you literally wakeup sayin it out loud to him morning singy as if tho he was right beside you on your pillow even after the waking up...

This morning it's been one wild wild party in your head where on the out you still may look calm but it's this one beautifully wild party in your head and again yet again all it took was a Himcoming like this one today!!

At work now out for fabrics n stuff with major design changes and shifts and your head still that himhighd that you can't bring it back to work right now!!!!!!!!

Hi w do you even get used to a Himcoming like that one that literally made you wishthatvery moment manifest that very moment happening for really real mein...

HOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Take it notch lower tame it down a lil how do you even when it's this beyond your own control!!!!!!

Nothing can make you feeeeeel this way THIS WAY the way He does!!!!!!

Visuals n echoes!!

 Some visuals come along with that echo of his voice and HOW!!!!!!!

Those conversations on the gym steps with him bout gandhi hitler and Einstein ofcourse!!

Soon as you see it finally released hit play and that very sound of his voice comes along…

It’s been almost 15 years now whoww it never gets old or used to types…stil writing it now reliving the sound of him his words that sense of his presence on the steps the way it always all of it feels like it was just yesterday…!

Something’s nai on some days hits you differently, very!!

Scent!!!!!

 Apart from evrythung else from that day there’s that one thing that this day always comes along with , it’s that feeeeeeeeeel of being all laced away with that scent of him…

It was another one of those firsts that day on v day at opera…

Wearing his shirt his same blue n white striped shirt and him on call with his bachpan ka friend being back in Hyderabad and looks at you still talking to his friend……after he hangs up the very first thing with that smile on him asks you whatsup like it was a way of asking what was on your mind like he could sense something jn you with his shirt on you and you tell him how it did bring back that first time you looooooved that shirt on him at the gym just before he headed out for his interview and asks you how he looked in that…

From looooooooving it THAT much on him to actually wearing it that day…….

Like you remember even the next day you didn’t want to take a shower and you keep smelling your skin yourself away cause you still had that scent of him on you!!

And when he tells you he is all smelly cause of the fish and you tell him you have never smelt that beautiful ever before!!!!!!

And the second he comes over the first thing starts to smell you and doesn’t get it till you tell him!!!!!!

It’s that beautifully strange of all the moments of all the things from that day at opera it’s that scent of him that this day always brings along!!!!!

And that’s something you’ve always loooooved bout him to sniff his presence away be it back then in his presence or years after with and in his dreams….to sniff his presence away with that beauuuuuutiful scent of him!!!!!

Moments…!

 From reading those chats of too much love to those lines of that chat with him we can never be ya that one dhadaaam lost state of mind it landed you in…….

So these dates on the calendar every year mahashivratri back then to v day to this day 15th at his place with family…

That day in the noon he calls saying he was on his way back home and you ask him if he could meet for a second like you just had to see him something wasn’t feeling right and you just wanted to see him and he tells you he is all smelly cause he was out with chachu buying fish for the evening dinner and you scream or something out of joy and he says he did remember how much you loved seafood…

Finally comes over and the first thing you ask him was that and he says in those initial days he did ask you your fav food and you did tell him bout seafood and bread ka meetha thing being your most fav…….and that’s exactly what he wanted to be there for you at his place that evening…

Some moments nai charlie are just beyond you it was something you yourself didn’t remember sharing with him but him being him did remember that bout you too…….

And inspite of hating that very sweet he made sure it was that was made at his place just cause you loved it and when you feed him that one face of his or be it that moment when he shared that bout you on your stairs sitting beside you it was that strange fear you didn’t know why or what back then but that moennt of seeing him living that moennt with him as he leans over your shoulder places his chin over your shoulder and tells you again it’s you after all……how could I not remember!!

It’s those moments that make you feel charlie the luckiest person to be alive on the face of the planet to live a love like that one and that very second all that restlesness that fear everything goes away it was that comfort that assurance suddenly with just his presence that no matter what!!!!!!!!!!

Some days you just can’t run or hide away from and all this struggle of not writing out and one track one sound of his lucky ali does it for you!!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!!!

Moooood!!!!!!!

 There’s this sudden realisation off late of you going slowly slowly mental missing him away this bad and even beautifully more worse is to be able to live feeeel him and his sense of presence in his absence and of all times in your waking state……

So you’ve been trying strugggggling to hold back from writing out strongest of moments bhi hoping it somehow tames your mind back and then again all it takes is that one dream of his one waking up like this one today and it all comes back to the square mental self state I say!!!!  

Been tooooo long waaaaaay too long and yet some dates and days you can never get over the Feb the 14th and the more people talk post display of love all around this thing it’s been doing to your mind away and is beyoooooond and now se specially with this upgraded version of Himcomings almost every morning and this state of you soon as you are up……like you are that completely lost wondering why how did you even get here into this version instead…

Like that meeeeeed to want to be back with him in that very moment from the dream is almost every morning thing that itself confuses the veins outta your mind like how!!!!

And if that’s there him that strongly then why there’s no real him soon as you open your eyes up still beside you…

To making it all the more beautifully worse is this pull now to live him over your moms fone like as and when you can and that waiiiiiiiit in you as he is not posting no more…..with that dance reel of his in tagged ayyyaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaa meraaaaa poooota ka poooooota heart life kidney and all things in between right there I say on him…

How can you possibly love loooooooooove just that one face one all him and for this long even in the absence……to reading these messages of him late in the nights to just feeeeeel him in your mind and that one feeeeel every single time he mentioned leke chale jatu why didn’t he just why didn’t you ask him to just take you away!!!!!!!!!

It’s like your mind has different conversations to each of his lines from back then through these nights with his music playing…….

It’s a completely different mooood altogether!!!!!

And then there’s this part of your day post workouts to feeeeel him away like THIS with the himflows himversions the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay you feeeeeel him on your skin is what drives you mental like how’s that even possible it’s that state that ecstatic state of mind it leaves you with like post it you are that THAT him highd!!!!!!!!

Again that evident over your face!!!!!!

This missing lately on a different level lately even writing and reliving the sense of him from today goosebumps!!!!!!!!!

HOWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

 Howeweeeeeeeee do you even be normal act normal stay normal and get back to being normal after a himcoming like that one or these moments of him being over and around as you move!!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeling even right now as you relive him this morning and this want this need the waaaaaaaay it just grows insanely more every single time……like you have been replaying him from this morning over n over again till this very moment like you can’t can’t hold your mind from doing it…

It’s one zoooomed in ultra 4K zoooooomed in version of him where his skin his daaaaaadi his lips his nose his beauuuutoful forehead his eyes his EYES that close to your face like your lips that close to his and the way he nods away not wanting you to move and just stays that way and then when he moves he MOVED!!!!!!!!!!! And WOWWWW HOWWWWW OWEWWEEWWWWW!!!!!!! 

Said it before can say it over n over again can scream it over n over again there’s absolutely nothing on this or all the other planets that could possibly make you feel the way HE does!!!!!!!!

Slightest of him or like this morning THAT much him and this beauuuuuuuuuutiful rush it has left you with……heart constantly on thishighest pace possible and this feeeeel when you can’t write out and just want to write it out all of him away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa apart from your mind eyes your senses and everything else your skin your skin the waaaaaaaaaay it senses knows loooooooooves that feeeeeel of him….

Soon up and that one BIGGEST sigh not finding him beside you again yet again!!

To this rush to get in the workout and few madness tracks moves dancin away reliving refeeeeling him away the ultimate moemnt……first these himflows when animalflow also becomes himflows sounding as controversial as it’s supposed to sound but just going with the way it made you feel the way he makes you feeel Jackson prolly wrote it out maybe for this very reason!!

It’s the waaaaaaaaay you feeeeeeeel him wilflkyyyyyyy like changes transforms all of you away to jsut feeeeeel him that way his teeth on skin touch of him scent of him him breathing as you move and breathe along every single time you write nuances out of these moments in your waking state it sounds absolute madness but can’t just can’t help the way it actually makes you feel live him even in your waking state……is this normal even?!!!!!!!

To finding this song a beautiful irony and yet that toooooo made you go wild cause again it’s madness how you feel him strongly with the sound of enreque it’s like HIM singing away in your ears like you could almost feel his lip over your ears yes it’s that level of beautiful madness!!!!!!

How you still donnnoooooo but this magic today when it wasn’t just your face that went red it was the chest too and that very instance this one day coming back from opera u checking yourself usual for his color on you and you see this same thing over closer to chest and you scream it out with that khushi telling him that and he smiles looks ahead and then after a bit stops pulls over to the side and adds now there’s light here show and it was lighter by then but that feeeeeeeeel like for those bits he was waiting to find more light just so he could see it clear and how he looooooooooioved his color on and over you…

Know shouldn’t be writing it out but it was absolute magic to see yourself that way after yearssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!  

Living that exact feeeeeel for him and then see yourself that very way just beyooooooooond!!!!!!!!

Like HOWWWWW!!!!!!!