October!!

 The one thing that you really wanted to do before this magical month got over was to get inked!!!!

Last night done , should’ve researched also bout the post stuff healing process and details too before getting one!!!!!!

A painful night of healing for day 1!!!

The way it’s turned out is almost exactly how you wanted it to be with the industrial style two almost dancing wild tulips from the dream that you look through from the meadows to find him laying beside you…..to the universe stars and most importantly to C, to the crescent moon a hidden away thing…..to the world it’s the moon and the stars to you it’s C it’s the almost magic like beauty of the 26th night of the same month…..

It’s only whilst getting it done the tattoo guy says it’s also the strongest flower of love in Greek that stands for strong love and power in general….

Something’s!!!!!!!

It pained not too bad then now the healing bit well is another long story!!!!!

visuals!!!!

 There were these lil beautiful conversations bout him that you used to have with his sister back then.....

Mostly in his absence or sometimes even if he is at a distance from where both of you were....this one time late in the evening him playing around with lucky n rohith around them you just sitting at the dining table living that adooooorableness of his how he would alwaaays that adooooorablu transform into a lil kid when around lucky.....

His sister comes and sits beside you asking you you love bhayya a lot nai.....and you still lost in him tell her ya a lot only after saying realise you were talking to her and for forsttime prolly openly told her shared that with her.....that very second him still playing asks you if you had plans to go back home or stay there only so he could drop you home and you just get off with that sigh and she jokes again what if you could just stay and you tell her in that flow how lucky she truly was if only you too could've been his sister instead atleast just so you could just be with him not having to look away without seeing him or stop seeing him or going back home leaving him......she actually hugs you and tells you imagine kar agar sister hoti you'd have been married to somebody else and leave him so it's best this way atleast you won't have to be away from him for the last of your life.....

That moemnt there missing him that bad reliving that versova moment watchjng the tiny waves of the lake the waaay it was moving glittering under those night lights almost magic like then to live him and that very feeeeeling that comes along with the visual.....that lil beautiful conversation with her!!!!!!

Something's nai!!!!!!!!!

Beauty beyond words.....feeeeels beyond words!!!!!

It's this feeeel charlie donno what it is why it's feeeling this way!!!!!!

You were have been missed and again if the slightest of ideas of the intensity that you are missed with if only howleeeee if onlyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOMENTS!!!!

 That very day that spot that place all over again did become one of your most fav ones afyer a decade almost.....

To watching the heart balloon wala again valentines memory where he just gets it for your feel even after you tell him you didn't believe in that kinda love anymore and more in his way of love....he still wanted to cause at some point you liked it.....stop the guy take one balloon and just walk around the place as the manager comments jokes bout the way you were behaving that day with that big smile on your face like she did guess it must be some special day today for youbto act this different like she'd never seen you before not a word nothing form you just smiling and walking around the edge of the lake.....

The air felt different the mind the missing felt different after having seen him from wahi se it just felt a lil better.......be there forba while on your way back Outta there there's this icecream wala right outside and you hear a voice in kids tone asking you to take chocobar how more insync moments could someone up there tie it all together.....look at the bandi and it was a kid selling icecreams what an irony noo if you think of it.....first ask the kid if he eats them all or sells them too and he that cutely adds if somebody buys him one he would definitely have like he didn't complain or sound sad bout it give him a chocobar and have one too cause again there could be or atleast used to be a zillion other flavors but his most loved one still be a chocobar so it had to be that..... have a lil conversation with Ayan soon bout to leave and the kid name Ayan asks you when you coming back again it was too cute for a moment charlie cause it was more bout so he could have it again which you are sure he must be otherwise too but the kid was just happy sounded happy from the moennt you found him to leaving from there like that tone of voice.....

Again do anything no matter what but add that bit of hard felt love for the moennt in the moemnt and just watch it transform for you that love in the moment hard felt love in that moment was the sound of the word Chocobar and the waaaay him and his adoooooorable expression that came along with the sound!!!!!!

Acceptance?!

 Could this be that feeling of acceptance cause last year too you felt too much away cause he did post bout being at a movie at GVK very same day and called it feels like being here after a decàde.....

Somehow it just made you very very happy it had that vibe of almost sahring the same feeling kinda thing.....like this track and beats of the track entangled in the same way.....

Only much after with that chat of his sort of changed pretty much everything away to what you thought it was like all these years all this while...

There was some work at studio like it would have been a late night too but that sudden need to just get away and to some place of his like that one strong need......it's also been something that you've been doing all these years same time around either to be at some place ofbhis some food of his some movies of his like something to just celebrate relive what was the most happiest time of your life.......

This time just get off and leave and your manager tags along discussing work still to tabkbund necklace road......

Plugin everything him, world out.......

When there the way that feeeeel of the trees take the turn over and over again one more u turn one more and finally see this spot you'd never seen or been there before....get off there she buys icecream and you head to the spot closest to the lake it was beauuuuuutiful beyond words charlie i swear.......to just be there amidst that much sound and just plugin the music and live that view at night or late evening.....

The way the reflection of the lights over the lake makes it sparkle almost dream like....like it looks soooo surreal grey sparkling Iike you couldn't take your eyes off the lake with the way it moves forming those almost waves the way it takes you back to the moennt back in time living the versova beach waves with him beisde.....

The chill in the air the view of the lake just that beauuuuutiful and she finally comes with the icecream offer to hold her bag and fone as she sits over an elevated kinda thing.....looking the other way that need to see him then and there get on and there it was the beloved circle and him right there looking his adooooooooooorable best in guess white kurta for Bhai dooj with his sister.....

Daaadi was off goes the fuzzy feeling leaves with another fuzzy feeeel.....

Like that's how bad you wanted to live him live his presence right there with you cause it made you feel like you were in versova and all that was missing like always was Him...!

State of mind...!

 Sometimes you just can't really defiiiine out what exactly is that you are feeeeling like what do you call this state!!!!!!

Neither happy nor sad or broken or even a tear single one cause it's been happening all these past years same time around where initially it's that hit of sudden rush of joy reliving reminiscing moemnts from back then reliving him lilst things bout him his ways of love and all n more what you'd felt same time around lived same time around and then the absence of his hits you and missing him gheres always that one lil moemnt of sheddung a tear just cause you suddenly realised his absence.....

But this year ever since yesterday there's been this calm this weird state of in between neither happy or sad it's just blank.......

Didn't wanna write mainly for this reason cause mostly when your mind feeels this way you write more and it leads to something else so this time you just wanted to just be stay off and see how it felt........

Better ?! Still the same.....not sure what this is!!!!!!

Shape of your hands…!

 Yeah am amazed still love you the same……

Still remember the shape of your hands times when you’d walk with me and make me laugh, yeah am amazed how much we’ve changed yeah am amazed still love youuuuuuu the saaaame each night I see you in my sleep and I alwaaaays dream this that you’re here with me……..

Nights like these dates and days like these!!!!!!!

And places like those!!!!!!!

You were missed, again!!!!!!!!!

Iktara…

 THIS one track every single time when you listen to mostly today every year or when you miss him too tooo mich and every single time GOOSEBUMPS!!!!!!!!!!

The way EVERYTHING HIM rushes through you with that very first sound of the string……

YOU were missed and how if you only knew man!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lifetransformation Day...

Telangana formation day , same to same this one being you and your life transformation day 26 October 2009...

The day that truly was start of it all that lead to the next day of love or midnight of love rather.....

Some days and dates no matter how many times youve lived and relived is something you can never grow used to....

The way it always feeels this special every single year this time around ......and with this typical October chill in the air all the more!!!!!!

Morning show wake up sid to that drive to sanghi temple lil did you know nai what it was leading you and your life to.....

Even with these many changes there are these instances in some books that have these mentions would you make the same choice again now knowing this is what it lead to and every single that one loud scream inside you that screams along with questjons or statements like for and with him a thousand and more times over and over again.....

It'll always be Him, even with this now knowinf still you would make the same choice same decision a zillion times over......

It's this most important part of all of you that pretty much defines you now - Him...!

Even writing it now again how only you were missed kabhi thooo uskoo kuch thooo feeeling veeeeeling Hona nai inee pakkka yaaad Kari Aaj tho bolke itttaaaaaa zoooooor zoooooor se full power feeeeels when you feeel away like this!!!!!!!!

His candy!!!!!

 Where for some reason you like the sound of how it fits in but it adds that bit of something else when you rethink it and keep the title as His candy instead of Him candy multiple reasons than one u say!!!!!!

Designing the hamper planning stages and for multiple reasons the manager suggest some brand designer to go design it and like always instead take it in your hands to save that extra cause they sure charge huge amount for a single package to just design it......

The very first thing you sure wanted to add was the candy he introduced or re introduced you to cause you tell him yove had white one bachpan mein never knowing it comes colored too and insists you trying the pink one you hoping it tastes like strawberry just cause it looked pink and you have another blonde moennt asking him immediately after having the pink one but it doesnt taste like strawberry flavor and just looks like it him that adooooorablyyyyy chuckling away to that very second......

It's only after he insist you have it do you realise and trace back to the taste of in bachpan.....it was that beauuutiful feeeeeling in some moemnts with him charlie the way it almost felt like him holding your hand away as kids and taking you back to a moennt you still being bitter bout instance and him making it better for you.....some situations like it was that beautifully close to that feeeeling!!!!!

Soooo yahhhh adding that memory of him with deepawali plus those initial moemnts walks with him around streets of his house to just lvingn those first moments of being lost in him walking at a distance like you just had to have that something in that this time......and overall it did turn out the best even from the people who received it......

It's that one thing you've realised time n again you do something for the sake of doing with all the effort that you can with all the life in you that you can it will turn out good but you add love to it even be it just a hint of love to anything that you do, the outcome of something like this goes beyond everything else.....

A simple realisation that yove lived experienced a zillion times already!!!!!

Howleeeeeee you gorgeoysssss lil big adoooooorable thing how only you were missed abhiii k abhiii just writing writing!!!!!!!

That one face ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that black t high collared ayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one delicious looking feeeeeeeeling fuzzzy daaaadi vibes ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Mera poooora heart kidney every single lil smallest to biggest organ right there i say!!!!!!!!!!!!

industry!!!!!

 Work is still easy to deal with in comparison to the behind the scene action that takes place with collabs or the friendly walk-ins!!!!!

It's that easy for them to just pick an outfit with a worth of 19-22k saying it's for an event wear it and not even tag as per promised cause they still take it easy and free.....this issue you've had to face with stylists and influencers alike like one of the leading gay stylist actually did take an outfit use it for the event with the actress and never posted a picture or the deliverables!!!!!

Only recently sends over an actual apology letter and a request for a future bigger Collab that's when you feel that you didn't have to do anything and just focus on your work ànd let your work do the talking for itself..... exactly what he used to mention back then talking bout his own work am not focusing on what am getting now karely am just focusing on learning on work whatever projects am getting and later will let my work only do the talking and then aom for the movies finally.....edit is just my learning work part of it...

It's like in instances when you are stuck it's the waaaaaay him laying beside his words his facial expressions him looooking his gorgeouuuusssss best under moonlight flashes throufbyou in a blink.....open your eyes and take it from there a lil more ahead....

Where the others manager social pr people suggest you change the line completely and you instead stick with what you love designing and wearing initially was your love for anarkalis after hydari the way she looked in them like it all started with that and nobody really knew how to have or give variety of styles in the same.....stick with your gut and to feel how far youve come with is something else....when a stylist prominent one actually sends over a formal lettter of apology and requests for the Collab as the celebrity wanted to wear one of your designs....

And this time when planning for hampers send one over to the same and actually posts your hamper video and then malhotras and also messages saying the same.....it's a lil too much butterfy kinda thing but something's nai charlie when you put in all this hours of hardwork effort brain into designing branding and then to see these baby step achievements feeels good.....

But it's that one moemnt at the end of the day that always comes down to that one person always in your life to share it with to celebrate it with to live and love it with - Him......and yet!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friend the ships!!

 Friends and the ships they come along with!!!!!

It was those experiences that you share with someone where it goes a lot more beyond than to just love someone much more beyond than to just spend those love moemnts with cause you practically much are sharing your life and experiences with.....like sharing finding exploring questioning pondering wondering wandering discovering all and much much more than just to love someone....

It was all n more this to live him like...

Him talking bout friends and the bond you share and stuff is something you understand more now...

Years back when you were still planning on starting this venture when still writing and wanted to support your family just on your own without any support from the man who changed the course of your life cause this was the biggest step more you choosing you had to make your mom to choose.....cause by then it did go far beyond than just you!!

That's when who you did think to be your closest friend vish actually comes up with how will you design and sell to doorsteps at every door.....and inside you did take that as a challenge in a good way and make sure to add more fuel to the dream you already were living with putting in a lil more research and with him mentioning reddit back then finding answers there and understanding the world of marketing and reading more on that....

Again thís was something he did mention back then karely you don't have to be excelling academically if you want to fulfill your dream of becoming an animator you can still can learn with the help of a computer.....which back then is what you'd dreamt of working in and around the world of animation and dreams...

Taking thise very words of his adding more dreams of yours breaking your family's heart over choosing aiming in life more than following where the rest and how the rest lead their life.....there were many lows initially but it's like everyday was with a step closer thing ringing in your head that kept you moving forward......

Its only as that dream kept growing with baby steps the same person who commented and laughed over the doorstep idea couldn't take you be that busy and then commented over how you've changed how you are too busy....

People nai charlie they will always have things to talk bout and incase they run out of things they have that zill and time to go looking for reasons to talk bout.....it's you that needs to decide what really matters to you to give that kinda attention to like what's that thing that truly requires your attention your care concern love in life and then just go with it leave the rest for the world to decide or wonder bout!!!!

It's only from there it got a lil easier there still are instances where it feels like another fight that day but eventually go with how and what you consider your priority as.....

To this new friendship mishap being of the new stylist that you thought was nice and good and stuff takes about 5 lehengas saying using for a jewellery brand shoot Collab with credibles and best of deliverables only weeks later you realise when one of your clients share images of her and some friend wearing those very lehengas at some friend's wedding and the jewellery brand collabs with somebody else.....you were told a completely different story on the other hand.....

Manager and mom comment over smar thing you trust easy.....

It's just weird sometimes it's like the way his words him knowing you inside out waaaay better than anybody else ever did or possibly could...

It's even more beautifully wierd when all those conversations with him at those most loved hours decades later fit in this perfectly in multiple instances of your life now....

First Diwali!!!!

 But first Diwali just bout 2 days before Diwali when a client just bout walks into the studio and you were on a call with the bank guy just bout to step out and she sneezes right over your face almost like that second you just stop there and that very second Diwali sure is fcked!!!

Cause her face was red like she def had a temperature plus the impact sound wise of the sneeze pretty much said it all!!!!

Just bout on Saturday winding up the dispatches and pickups for Diwali temperature went up with cold and sneezes one seteizin some tablet and it pretty much knocked you out bad!!!!!

The next day goes without a shower cause that’s how bad the fever n cold got bit the beauuuty every single time in moments like these is his orsence charlie the waaaay through the night u did go to bed at 9 which was a record time for you on a Saturday night or any night cause ever since him it’s been mostly 1-2 am cause you love spending that time with yourself with his music with writing or just working or just reading like that’s your you hour of the day night rather….

But Saturday to Sunday was baaaaad like even after going to bed by 9 you could only be up by 11-12 morning again cause of the him clock set in you on youdays specifically!!!!!

Throug the night almost every other keep changing sides it was that restless with the high temperature and those weird visuals of big figurines circled around you and the way his arms holding his whispers to your ear were constant like you allllwaaaays feeeel him all the more strongest when fighting things or situations like these!!!!!!

Like that beauuuuuuuutifullu constant!!!!!!!

To Monday you had to had to get normal cause of the studio Pooja and the thing you had big plans for switches upto basic white that you most loved with floral……like the only day you actually wanna dress up end up looking like a pumpkin with swollen face….

But some days no charlie who andar wali feeeeeels alll feeeeels is all you wanna feel away with!!!!!

Whites and Diwali being those two very things!!!!!

A pumpkin Diwali it truly was, in one of your most loved design!!!

Experiences…!

 It’s these conversations you used to have rather he would sort of often ponder about and share it with you with whatever experience he has had that day later at those most loved Golden hours of the late nite and early morning hours…

Friendship was one of those!!!!

Very recently you’ve had multiple experiences where you’ve realised too many things bout who stays and for how long they truly manage to stay by and stick with you…..

Either they stay with you chill with you cause you are on the same page as them no growth or they look upto you which are definitely the good ones cause they not only aim up but also are the high thinkers who in a way help with your growth as well as an individual cause you always learn from the willing who are open to learning as it’s a constant journey for you never are fully learned or learnt!!

And then there are the others who either want to take that piece from your growth or just wanna pull you down to their level cause they just can’t digest you there!!!!

It’s been weird off late cause you truly thought then to be your just bout good friends maybe too soon judged would say!!!!!

It’s these things that he used to talk bout the very same topic when mentioning bout mango and the crowd and not calling them his actual friends and considered his Bombay group mostly Faizan his actual friend cause that’s where he considered the start of his growth and being that inspired by that one friend of his…..the waaay he used to that fondly talk bout that guy and then Lok at you and add you know you are the only next person after faizan that I actually preferred and loved talking to hearing from the very first thing in the mornings even much before I am fully awake cause I had that habit with faizan it’s been you after him…you know this one adoooorably weird thing bout him he sure had the most adoooorably funny way of showing his love for you like his references part of it was the most ironically hilarious in some instances like this one with faizan or with his other one being Indira !!!!!

Like it’s in those instances you reallllly ought to know him to underStand that’s how much he loves you like that big of a deal like he had his most adoraaaable of ways you just gotta know and understand how he is relating you with like how much that means to him!!!!!

Dates on the calendar!!

 Some dates on the calendar including with the experiences that everyday life slams you up with and the waaaaays he comes echoing through it all!!!!!

Now all the more whilst watching this incredible series based on Spotify!!

It’s like days that beauuuutifully and closely knitted away with all things him…..!

KHUSHI!!!!!

 There is this reality on one side but when you live days like these there were a zillion moments together in one single day right from the very start of lvingn him almost same way but as you go closer to touch his face away you woke up this morning.....

To just lvingn him the exact same way that you tripped over at the salon the other day like it suddenly gave that sense of something to that moment that you lived alone that day at the salon.....like he literaaaalllky walked from that moment to this one today inthat very same t shirt......and looked all the more gorgeous today there is this loooooooooive for that one expression of his when he is too lost doing something and that one face he makes ignorant of the world around and sooo lost in that moemnt it's like all of his adooooorable ESS comes out in that moennt all over his face just the waaaaaay he looks in that moment charlie!!!!!!!!

The ZILLUON times you've lived that expression that moennt and loooooved it every single time.....to that beauuuuty of his messy hair and daaaadi.....

Right from that moennt of your heart walking out hands in pocket to today your heart sitting right there looking all of the things adorable!!!!!!

The second you se that picture of his this smile on your face this rush on your mind just wokkdnt go i say!!!!!!!!!

This feeeeeeeeel of him charlie just the waaaaays it makes you happpppy away like you just can't control or hold back your smiles.......no matter how serious the conversation is about which light to put out in which balcony your mom asking and you are standing there holding the pack in your hand and just smiling away with that one picture in motion playing on loop in your mind......

Serving dinner taking the plate putting the plates back smileee still there it's thus level of Khushi he brings along beyond logics i say!!!!!!!

Even as you write now and relive him from that moennt this smileeee i say.....

Worst of traffic jam today hours together but there you are his music tripping and smiling away to eternity I say!!!!!

Like now you actually like jams cause that's your time of lostness his music playing moment memory tripping and today thooo this alone moemnts of Khushi rushing on the inside was a different level only!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeee YOU are missed like nobodys ever missed i say if only you knew

Days!!!!!

 He did come into your life pure magic like just like that walked in and transformed it away blink of an eye.....he is that version of walking talking magic like he could just be sitting beside one look at him and it just makes you feel something move shift on the inside and suddenly you are just happy.....happy to just live someone's existence celebrate and realise the beauttvof their existence.....

Just rcaling it all reliving his lilst of presence right from the start to these moments through the day make you feeeeel like some track you play and you spot the same number 2727 navy blue bmw passes by or a cement truck suddenly comes beside and it gets all cloudy in the head cause midn now suddenly was just that happy cause the moennt felt sooo in sync....

To the dream this morning watching him with his hair messy and today he reshares his sister wish story and his messy hair in that this morning feeeeeeeling sniffing away his daaadi to actually finding him with that beauuuuuty of his daaadi to his lips his nose his ears his evry lil detail that your mind traces back to the moemnts lived actually living them away!!!!!!

Sometimes it does feel all wrong the way suddenly your mind starts to feeeeobaway toooo much seeing him in pictures but SOMETHUNGS are just beyond you!!!!!

It's like it's in automode that you have no control over today tooo was just one of those days......to finally in the evening when you had to drop a few hampers and again Venky takes another turn of straight unstwad if taking a u turn cause of the sudden diversion of traffic in the evebing late and the straight road lead to same route his melting moemnts place this very same day......

He truly is a walking talking breathing version of magic and all things heart!!!!!!

The second you passby ask Venky to slow down and just seeing it for a second doors the way it again brings back that sound of his face of his trying to make you eat his fav icecream his way.....not trying to actually making you eat it his way cause it was something he truly loved and wanted you to too!!!!!!

Something's again!!!!!!!!!

Naiiiiiij!!!!!!!!!!!

MOMENTS!!!!!

 Like from there to taking a longer turn towards white house tibbs Frankie place to getting something from Westside backntinthe studio and back at work but you left your mind right there at Sri nagar colony only....

It's like all those moments with him right from the start the conversations the initial feeeels of being lost in him falling in love with that feeeeel of being lost in someone....how just to live someone's presence could make you feel all that away....how evry time you sit down at the steps he would come a lil closer the next time to sit with you only made you allowed you to live him from close......THAT close!!!!!!

Again feeeeel of some words and memories i swear!!!!!!

To working on pr packages and hampers and the one address that says Ramantapur ayyaaaaaa this one heart i say smiles on the inside for bhi theek but when pops the biggest smile outside is when it gets weird all around.....cause suddenly seeing the address you were akele akele smiling away!!!!!

Cause in your head he was in Hyderabad that thought itself i say!!!!!!

When she finally leaves to dtdc to drop it and forgets her fone that level of happiness is higher than when a chor must be finding his ultimate lifetime of a loot i say!!!!!!

Fataaak se take it and check and there was your heart right there popped out sitting that comfy and just being himself and yet hits you with the massivest wave of missing i say!!!!!

Cause first it was almost the same position that you used to click kost of his ocutures at his dd colony place back then him on the fone and you taking his picture with some blanket around hum..... secondly he was looking his ultimate gorgeouuuuussssssly sexy self in nothing else but THE high collared black t that you tripped over just days back......i swear charlie agar uskuuuu pooora he wish karleti na in that very moment he would've been here beside you in this moment cause that's how strong that wish workded out and you actually lived him in that very same style of t shirt in that very same color......and boyyyyy he looked handsome delicuouslllly handsome i say!!!!!!

Bas uthaaake ke poooora ka poooora khaa Jana bas that adooooorablu sexy his meesy freshly washed or sweaty hair either ways gorgeous his daaaaaaaadi ayyaaaaaaa everytime you see him with full daaaadi the way that moment mometsvof living lov8ng his daaaadi tickles your finger tips and face away i say!!!!!

His same earrings that one face his arms the feeeeel of holfing his arm is when you realise it wasn't Skype calls he used to wear a balc high collared t back in the gym days to9 cause to see him today made you realise feeeling holding his arm away similar style t shirt back then.....

Again something's beyoooond logic the waaaay visuals bring back that very moment you'd lived something same or similar to the present.....

Ur heart right there like even without looking into the camera the waaaaay he just looks in that charlie ayyaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeous lil thing I say!!!!!!!!!

This feeeeeep this rushhhhh again now reliving the same visual of his!!!!!!!

MOMENTS!!!!!

 From that moennt to the crazy hectic day with international dispatch limited time the way it took all of you to pull back your mind at work cause when this slightest of him strikes it's like it gives away these lil wings to your mind and purrrrr karke offffff it goes along with that beauuuty of him.....

It's like all of you ⁹j the outside still there but inside evrything else just missing cause it's off n away to everything him.....like you can't hold back your smiles cause inside there's another story happening to what's happening in the outside.....

To even planning and making the manager stay back at your place for the next two days cause you sure had to had to this timebof the year!!!!!!

Like from that moment to this morning again where the courier guy falls sick and you had to go all the way to drop the orders and to Begumpet the lane Venky picks with you still listening ti thus artist that has all his feels the lane he turns to was His guitar learning place at Sri nagar colony.....

Ask Venky to slow down cause the vibe today when there was tooooitally different with manager still screaming over the deadline being just an hour away but you just couldn't jelpt it it just felt very very different charlie like you couodnsee her face her mouth saying all the wrong things but your ears mind all of you that beautifully him high i say......as you just look around and relive that sound of his voice talking bout the same place showing you pictures of the same place over his fone including indiras pictures on his fone and then waits for your expression and suddenly even as friends it just made you look away for an instance you fotn even know why...... as you look back and the way he puts his fone aside comes closer and actually whispers I was waiting to see that reaction i just knew.....he was doing the lilst bits possible to just make you realise what you actually felt for him to make you realise it's love after all!!!!!

Something's you write again and ayyyyyaaaaaaaa this big sigh your heart experiences ekdum dhadaaaan se noo!!!!!

Times I tell you!!!!!!!!;

Night sky.....

 Evry single time you live moemnts like this or the like the ones today througbthe day sky trippin lost in all him the way it always takes you back to the first time you sort of started to live the beauty of the sky be it day or night day with clouds and night with just stars and the mystic beauty of the queitmenss that comes with the night at that oddest of hours.....

It was like seeing a new world altogether lvingn a new world around living a new you that was most you that sort of was hidden away inside and that popped out and along with him!!!!!!

To live him lost in the sky like random conversation over coffee on gym steps and suddenly he would look up and show you the clouds and you lost in everything he wasvfeeeling away in that moennt his face charlie malooom nai kya kyu it just makes you happy just that happppy from the inside just looking at him lvijjg his existence his presence his list of details just used it make you that happy on the inside......

To lvingn the night sky along with him over the call at that oddest of hours to live the beauty of it live the beauty of him at that hour even over his voice to watching him living his beauty under the same night sky more than half sleepy lilst chaddi beauuuutifullu messy hair and that one beauuuuuutoful lostness in his expression cause he was that sleepy and the way he would just lay close to you one hand under his head and just talk bout the sky talk bout you from the gym or just bout the birds and the beauty of that moemnt with you...like he was that passionate bout talking moments bout you with you cause that's how bad he missed telling you things bout you.....like how he always knew it would be youbolke something's you write and relive and this feeeeeeeeeling now!!!!!

How was he even tht sure of bout it......like that sure like he could almost list out the things he wanted to watch with you share with you like he had all planned the way he talked bout making you listen to his fav something like everyday wood add something to it....it's magic of those moments with him to his just that need to hold you soon after waking up like he just had to be with you close to you qjd just hold you the way he wouldn't say a word qnd just come over chappals in hand soon as he sees you not a word nothing hold you pull you closer take to the other side 9fbthw terrace make you sit and just hold all of you away qnd just be that way..... not a single word nothing and yet everything just made sense just by the way he moves holds you closer.....

There was that beauty of those moments living two sides of you at once to just live those versions of him under the night sky....

The other day at studio when she leaves the fine and goes to make coffee see the loved circle and see he was in Hyderabad and somehow love weird love for numbers the way the metre goes from 20 to 28 tick tick bolke as it blinks the way it felt like it was changing those sheets of daily Calendar and how with every passing day a day closer to him another day closer to him October 2009........

VERY HAPPY DAY!!!!!!

 It was a very very VERY BERRY HAPPY DAAAAAY I SAY!!!!!!!!

It’s days like these that sort of that beauuuuuuutofully bring back the belief and feeeels of what it feeeels like to live days filled with magic like this!!!!!!!

Magic on this level who bhi!!!!!!!

Howlreeeeeeee meraaaaaa pooooora ka pooooooora heart mind body lilst to biggest organ you are I say!!!!!!!

Love you toooo tooooo much insaaaaaay!!!!!!!!

Every single time you’ve lived relived a feeeeeel of him rushhhh of him and this feeeeeeel it always leaves you with is beyond words and today of all the days after a decade almost this need to scream it outta you how much you love him it’s like there was that urgent neeeed to just stop the car get down scream it out I say to just hear your heart out right there!!!!!!

The waaaaaay this one most special day of your life every single time leaves you with feeeels I say!!!!!

Heart is soooo full of something this beauuuutiful beyond words!!!!!!!!

Few sips of gin and you leave the glass out cause you again wanted screamwrote it out how much you love him how much how bad you missed him today!!!!!

It’s this feeeeeel charlie every single time you miss him this bad hoping there’s that slightest of something that he feels that makes him feeel like you missed him this very moment here!!!!!!!!

Heart just so soooo happy today when that adooooorable things birthday becomes your happy highhhhday I say and HOW!!!!!

MAGIC!!!!!!!!!

 MOMENTS!!!!!!

Nothing less than magic!!!!!!!!

How why what donnooo ayyaaaaa this beauty of moments like this same place decade later very same day…….coincidences 

Life is nothung but a series of coincidences, his line your feel today this very moment series of coincidences that were destined to coincident I say!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaa

 Heart mind you poooora ka pooooora on a him himhigh flight mode I say!!!!!!

Auyyyyyyaaaaaaaaa this one fellloweweeeewee in same black collared t shirt with memory trip just Days back!!!!!!

This mind nowwwww howleeeeeeeeeeee You gorgeous lil sexy big adooooooooorable thing howwwwww only BAAAAAAAD you were missed abiiii k abiiiii if only you only had the lilstestestest idea maaaan!!!!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaa that one face in the world for you THIS gorgeous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuuu ajaaaaaa dil jaaaaniyaaaaaaaaaaaa hoo kar meherbaaaaniyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! 

Magic & a miracle!!

 Him - just like magic and that once in a lifetime miracle that you stumbled upon in life and HOW!!!!!!

Can never be thankful enough for this day first second aunty his mom and third for someone up above there that you did find Him!!!!!!!

You were missed you beauty, Happpy birthday Mr. Chipman!!!!!

This one day I swear the most special day of your life for life…!

How only you are being missed mountains and mountains if only you had the slightest of idea I swear!!!!!!!!

HimCandy!!!!!

 This mind now just recalling he loved you that much!!!!!!!!!

Saving the table moment away mind i tell you this sudden feeeeel now!!!!!

Feels!!!!!!

 Back home with that lost state of mind of a recall of the most loved times of your life.....

It's like your mind wants to relive that beauty evry year this time around to relive that you to relive that state of you cause that time you being the happiest you'd ever been in life...

All you had was Him.........

Back home the first thing on table you see is the sweet candy thing that he showed you back in for your amla shopping trip with him.....

Still looking at with that smile and your mom asking you she didn't know you liked it so much the way just seeing it made you that happy still looking at you!!!!!

Visuals again like suddenly that dabba of that candy on table becomes a visual of him sitting on that very table legs folded like he used to sit on that kitchen counter of his as you make those parathas.....

It's that logicless moment of happiness it fills you up with that's just unmatchable to anything else you've ever felt!!!!!

Merku nai maloom charlie why it is the way it is why something else couldn't make you this happier not even a single sec the way just the waaaay shuruuuuu se it's been Him....

Even before you knew it's him how he looked like how he smiled sounded like how he loved and what was to be loved by him to love him just that presence of his even with his head down was the first time meeting your happiness.....

Like she even mentions not to open it cause it needs to be first for the Pooja and that realisation diwali again when something just like that did become him more of him than justa vfestibal.....

Sound of crackers few days se comes along with that sound of him on the call as he struggles to hear you amidst all that firecracker sound and yet doesn't hangup even when you ask him to call you back after the sounds subside the way even still as friends tells you he liked your presence on the call made him feel you were with him there......

THAT much love!!!!!!!!!

SOME THJNGS YOU RECALL AND THIS FEEEEEEEEEEEEL NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 U have become this strongly allll about feeeels like move the waaay the feeeéls make you move the sound the visuals slightest whiff of him in the air and the waaaaaay it takes you along like mind senses suddenly lose sense of place people anything around all that stays is that moennt that flash of him and you...

Take your bag and with her still saying something plug back in music and ask her to leave you that way for a few mins.....

It's always been this way charlie like even after meeting him you had to be on your own for a bit away from everything else andbthen head back home once you are normal again.....cause it just shows on you when any rush of him hits you rushes through you it just sthat clearly shows on you can't hide it i say!!!!! 

Few mins yaha waha strolling with that flash ack of him same place same time around decade ago!!!!!!

Kabhi lagta ittttaaaa time ho gaya and yet how it just grows stronger in you year after year despite of his absence in real......how is it that you still feeeeel away this much!!!!!!

Get the work done takes longer cause you just couldn't get your mind back to work mode lost it that beauuuutifully was.....

Step out waiting for the car see the gulmohar on the other side walkup save the moennt cause that one place just like his many other places still had THAT much him in corners of that space....

Back to the spot beside manager and the way she says it's like you are pulled towards gulmohars evry single time you spot them...

Exact very ditto feeeéeels for the first time ever when she was that damn correct bout something!!!!!!!

Pulled towards swayed towards anything that brings Him along...!

MOMENTS!!!!!!

Sooooooooooo yaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Seatbelt back on mind i say!!!!!!!

The second the guy walks past by and you just stand there lost in that moemntvto the second you again see somebody standing up on the box for security check and there he was again that beauuuuuuuuuty of that most gorgeous human bird i say raising up his wings about to takebthe flight how HOW you've missed reliving that one moment too of all the zillion things that youve missed seeing living him with......

The waaaay he would that beauuutifully slow spread his wing like arms and that feeeeel every single time to be in place of the security guy too imagine the view from there to just watch him move that way like l9oking up above almost like watching a bird just bout to take that flight from that upclose.....but as you couldnt obvsly so you always take those few steps with him slower than his pace towwards the security check and just watch him in motion from behind...like that always used to be your most awaited moment at the malls or for movies out.......to just live that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him charlie!!!!!!!!

This one biggest sigh your heart lives in this very moment right there!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeee you gorgeous lil big annnñoyingoy most adooooooootably sexy thing how only you were missed in this very moment abhiiiii k abhiiiii!!!!!!!

October 2!!!!!

 Still on your way back like from there on the mind was already all the more lost in him and you get a cal from your manager to meet you halfway as you had to arrange for the diwali hpers for the stylists and some list of clients!!!!

And the very first stop being was in orbit Mall......the second you get off there and just bout to step in and try to head to the handbag scanner thing to put your bag there and this one guy just walks past by you white shoes hair tied up white n blue his checkered shirt that you again looooved on him cause that was the first shirt you'd seen him and called it as seeing in full clothes fir the first time like always been the worst person to possibly come with the worstest of lines where only after saying it do you realise the irony of the statement you just came up with......like the second you tell him that with you still on the treadmill and he comes staright up to you with his hair all jell like swept him in that shirt and jeans with his still signature white sjoes on....and the second you say that that one adoooooooooorable shy smile of his cause I swear charlie in your heart n mind you actually were lost at seeing him that way for the first time......it's that first time feeeel charlie when you looooooved just staring at him the first t9le feeel of not wanting to take your eyes off the waaaay he just looked and the sec0nd you say it only after seeing that face of his do you realise what you'd just said.....and ths exond you try to clearufy waht you actually meant the way he just smiiiiiles away nodding away and you there like a fool always telling him it was cause you were that used to seeing him in chaddis and tee again where he corrects it's not chaddis it's 3/4ths!!!!!!

Kabhi lagta as you write that very moment now how beauuuuuuuutifully clear some moments with him including conversation like these cause it was yet another one of those special moments with him.....those first time feels of liking someone for the first time in a proper dressed up way him feeeling that need to show himself out in that shirt for the first time to thinking 9f it now, you wearing that same shirt of his on valentine's days at opera!!!!!!

Agaaaaaaaaain where to where only the mind goes i say!!!!!!!

All it takes is that slightest of him and this you you become ekdum se!!!!!

MOMENTS OF OCTOBER!!!!

 Right from that moennt the mind just that lost in him reliving that one moemnt of his walk in the waking state still wondering what's even happening with you like dream Tak fir bhi logical without logic bhi but to like live that kinda moment with your eyes wide open like you weren't even sleepy or something but to still live literally live a moment like that one was something else!!!!!

Like that one look of his one smile of his the waaaaaaaay he just looked THAT gorgeous in black t like your mind couldn't get over the beauty of that moennt to just live him charlie ayyaaaaaaaa bliss BLISS itvwas!!!!!!!

Haircut done and when Venky takes that turn instead of heading straight to the studio which never in all these years it never happened before Venky forgetting some route or road back to the studio when you clearly mentuned to back to studio instwsd takes a left turn towards the His melting moment spot route.....

Only when you open your eyes as you had this beauty of music on which has allllllll his feeeels !!!!!!!

Like it takes that him high a notch higher with every track almost that you are finding.....

See the turn and tell him again to take to the studio and keeps apologising for forgetting bout it but you were more than happy ask him to just stop at the melting moments spot forba few mins and just be there......

The ppace is not there anymore but this feeeeeel of him charlie same time almost back then having found him lived him loooooooooived him without even knowing realising you already were in love with him that very spot right there!!!!!!

The places that were soon going to tranform your life away for life i say...!

HIM!!!!!!

 Some sounds whooo nai hotaa ekdummm andaaaar seeee feeeeel pooore ke pooooore ubhar ubhar ke nikalte like ekdum dhadaaaan se you are full of something that beauuuuuuuutiful in your case that beauty is him and that sound is his music !!!!!!!

This morning weird waking up that lost feeeeeel ekdum seee and since last few weeks it's been very hectic and more hectic days ahead till bout Saturday late nights and early work days sort of thing and you had been postponing the haircut thing for long now today you just couldn't take it anymore handling the big bun and decidebto take time off and head for the cut late noon......

As she was washing your hair and you had to check the managers text on fone and you look up and this one beyoooond magic kinda moments High collar t shirt black with that ripped thing and you def seen him back then either in gym days or on skype call like definitely seen him in a High collar black t and hands in pocket hair tied up and just that one smiiiiiiiiuule of his when he had to hide something like or that one amuptosomwthung but you donno yet smiiiiiile of his where he thinks he is hiding away his expresion but that itself used to say it all i saaay ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa THAT one face I swear even recalling reliving it now this feeeeeeeel this smileeee ting bolke that pops up just recalling that delciisoness of him!!!!!!

Like he just looks at you smiiiiles that one smile and walks to the other corner of the hallway and Witt her hands still in your hair with the shampoo on you try to get off to just look for him like just lean over to look at the other side of the hallway and the girl stops and looks at you asking you needed something mam and how do you even what do you even answer to that in a moment like that one!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa living that one moemnt was like watching your heart out on a walk with that tease that you can't reach out and just a glimpse of that adoooooooootbly shyness of his!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie said it a zillion times before can say it over a lifetime nothing in thebworld could possibly make you thus happy the way slightest of anything him does......

Just that one moemnt of magic and that THAT much him it laces you away with after that was beyond logics i say!!!!!!!

MOMENTS!!!!!!

 First and foremost every single time every single damn time you get a haircut this very feeeeeeeeelinf that you can never grow used to that one presence of Him always there and today of all moments this one gorgeous moment that weirdly made you feel finally lost it completely missing him THAT much and for this long that you are seeing him in girls walking around in your WAKING STATE who bhi!!!!!!!

Hair this short after long not sure if it’s settling or not but mind heart this just this happpppppy high on him I say!!!!!’

When gin today feeeels this milder I comparison to this THIS high on him!!!!!!!

Call it the magic of October…!

Most beloved month of your life cause every single day of this one month every single year is like a day of Love…….

And nothing no single day feels ordinary this one month ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and THAT much him!!!!!!!

Diwaliii!!!!!!

 Mornings like these ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT one face in the world I saaaaay!!!!!!!

His voice his whisper the waaaaaay he just moves just that beauuuuuuty of his presence !!!!!!!

This heart this mind this poooora ka pooooora you this high on him!!!!!!!!

And who bhi of al days today diwali back then the waaaay he just kept making you feeel his orsence cause that’s how bad he kissed seeing you that day!!!!!

The way he keeps texting through the day calls even with evening Pooja hours to discovering fart mini his neighbour this very day memories his sound his words the waaaaay it all starts to flow on a playback mode every year this time…..

Waking up looking for him and drinking water or something and your mom asks you bout your neck the second you see it that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him that strong rush through you cause the way it looked like his color of love after decades!!!!!!

The way she goes on asking you to apply aloe Vera cause she knew couldn’t be something else!!!!

It’s this switch of fragrance rash cause you got this new one Dior joy and with your way of applying it over neck and clothes it leaves a rash on neck and on your wrist!!!!!

But something’s nai charlie specially visuals like the second you see something the waaaaaay every moment lived with that looooooove for his color of love on you that wait to check it out and feeel all happy on the inside and more importantly that one stare of his as you check it out beyond worlds!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning workout felt different mind feeeels different cause this one rush that has come with the rash again to tame this mind away feels like forever I say!!!!!!

The ways of misseeeing the way it finds ways to fill it up away on some special days like these I say!!!!!

Post workout saves filter less even with a pimba over one cheek cause it’s the day today it’s a vibe today now with a start like this one!!!!!!!

Mind just weirdly madly just happy…!

Howleeeeeeeeee you gorgeous lil big adooooooorably sexy thing how only you were missed today!!!!!!

Times!!!!!

 It's in moemnts like these that line of his echoes throufb you from the chat you let your life go by all this while!!!!!

Kabi like last night living those moemnts of love closeness bonding and the way it made you relive every single one of them with him making you realise relive what and how it felt to be THAT loved and how it's been that long since the last tome you felt that way it's this very line of his that echoes throufb you but it's always been him charlie.....

It's these things that you miss in your mind when you miss it in life it's not bout the feel it's bout who you want to feeel it with live it with relive it with....

It's again very difficult complicated to say it out in words it's just him......

From that weird feeeel of restlessness to that beauuuuutoful rush he fills you away with this morning it's when you again lose sense of dream and reality!!!!!

Again all that stays is the Him lived moments relived!!!!!!!

Like connecting dots kinda vibe sometimes I swear!!!!!!

Agaiiiiiin from wherr to where only it went!!!!

One Love...

 There's this hyper mush movie that you stumbled upon làst night and didn't watch the whole movie again cause of the feeeeeels it was overfilling you up with!!!!!

It's this thing charlie living reliving moments líke these lilst of him in tiniest of moemnts that comes along with visuals and the waaaay it still amazed shocks you sometimes by the way how you did manage to recollect remeber that one tiniest detail bhi of that moennt.....cause you have the worst memory possible today it's just him....

And this very moemnt when you relive the before and the after today this one feeeeeel that's a lot of feeeels for one day I say!!!!!

This one month every single year every damn beautiful single year the waaaaays it fills you up with him is beyond words...

The movie was bout knowing realising how that one love is what happens in a lifetime the rest you stumble upon are just mere experiences and some people realise it sooner that it's that one person for you and for some it's a lifetime full of experiences and then go back all the way to realise it's always been that one...

To you with you it was that beautifully evident right from that first moment of just coming across him watching him walk towards you without even knowing him wuthou4 even seeing him the way it just made you feeeeel on the inside all fo you living that transition of self for the first time........the way his presence just holds you away without even seeing him nothing at all qnd yet that one strong feeeeeeeel to just be that way to just live that moemnt to just live him with that wait of one step more one step more one step closer.......

No matter what he calls it thinks it to be wonders it to be no matter the circumstance this him in you is just different charlie.......and you've felt and relived this been self assured about your this very feeeeling time n again year after year!!!!!

Something's I guess are just beyond your power and logics....just meant to be the way it is just that beautifully beyond you...

Having loved lived that one love for life...!

Bond ||

When you accidentally hit post and now you gotta relive the same vibe again!!!!!

Ahhhh moments like these visuals like these and a zillion times over i say a zillion lifetimes over n over again that one same face in the world for you!!!!!!

The way it feels like the mediaeval time thing the BC or AC kinda lifetime of living that one beauty!!!!!!

To just recall how no WhatsApp no camera and a LIFE lived i say!!!!!!!

So back to that time of the history with no camera on yours you take his and ask him where the camera eas and how to take a picture and stuff and the waaaaay he shyes over saying how nobody really clicked q picture of his and shows you anyway and the second you hit the camera thing thing the shutter style of it was like the same bond style back then and you get all excited asking him where's this from like yohve definitely seen something similar like it was familiar you just dint know back then and the way he that adooooorablu like always answers awat explains away your yet another dumb Blonde moment saying it's from the bond films !!!!!

Take his picture and he actually s pulls over to the side of the road to see the picture you'd taken and that one smileeeeee of his charlie i swear no other smile till that makes you feeeeeeeel all that away on the inside the waaaaays his smile one smile used to......just the way it made him that happy and adds not bad i must say take pretty good pics!!!!!!!

To think of it now that was the start of this love for capturing moments nai!!!!!!!

Bond!!

 It’s been a mixed feel start to the youday today with that dream and then the search that followed after to that highest intensity rush of him rushing through you that you still couldn’t manage to take a notch lower cause when that one beauuuuuuuty of him of a tornado almost strikes you it takes it forever to subside down!!!!!!

To this chill night post mixed feeeels day today put on a doc with his music playing hoping that would calm the mind down that’s still trippin’ rushing over the visuals of him from the morning today !!

It’s a sound of bond doc and the second you see the thumbnail image of it his iPhone camera back then……this one time first time him driving up at necklace like that’s how specifically clear that one moment that one visual of his is this THIS clear in your head and sometimes the waaaaaaays it still amazes you is beyond logics!!!!!

Sooo yah back to that moment as he drives and as always lost in how gorgeous he looked how happy he looked talking bout something and you take his phone cause back then you didn’t have a camera phone siiigh those were the days sometimes again the way it feels like a lifetime almost of living him!!!!!

This very thing!!

 This very VERY thing of magic of writing anything him and the way it all like always starts to flow and how!!!!!!!

The second you step out of the gym him waiting for you downstairs with some random conversation about why you reached late that day the way he immediately questions saying he was waiting for you wondering you might not come and then he won't be able to see you again for few days.......like he was done with his workout for the day and yet was waiting for you cause you were out looking for aamlas.....the way he fataaak se mentions bout knowing the exact place you would find them......

Wearing the red chudidar that day as you walk towards him that one beauuuuutiful smile with big sparkly eyes and the way he mentions I never liked chudidars before the way his face his eyes his smile lit up like youd never seen before......it's those moments charlie when you look in someone's eyes that one look that one stare that makes you realise feel like suddenly you are the most beautiful one like ekdum se you feel that just by living that one stare for you that was your first time ever feeling that way for him feeling that way about your own self......just happy!!!!!

And the way all throufb his gallis as you are looking around at the decorations at stores that sugar sweet colorful candies stores around and him just lost in you with that ONE smileeeeee of his glued on !!!!!!!

U didn't want to write out today just cause of this feéeeeeel reliving it all it just is feeeling very different this year.....years charlie been years now and that one face that one feeeeeeel in you for him stronger with evry year just couldn't change it or get a hold on it......never was upto you I suppose!!!!!!!

Aamla...!

 Dates on the calendar and no matter how many times you've relived this feeeeeeeling it feeeels much stronger with every passing year...like grows with you as you grow!!

Just bout 2 days before Diwali back then him making the most of spending time with you as he keeps repeating it over n over again as to how he won't be able to see the next few days cause of the gym being shut for diwali......to heading out with him first time for aamlas and strolls through this gallis arpund his home for the same.......

Some dates on the calendar and this much much stronger feeeel this time this year donno why or how just feeeeels very very different this time...watching this serious machine documentary and yet the mind feels this pull back to the moments lived with him in his gallis......

October 21!!!!!

 Right from the very start of this month the way almost every other clients order is dated to be at 21st!!!!!!

Dispatch hoirs and all you hear is this one most loooooooooved date on the calendar it's the most special date dat for you !!!!!!

This very day that one wonder of the world being born it's this beauuuuutiful scent in the air every year this time around the waaaaay waaaaaays it just feeeeels very different and can never grow used to it...

That start of the day rushing over him to his side of the bed to just get that one gliose of him and then at work her fone on the table her discussing the work program for the season ahead like the colors you wanted to finalise and work wise changes and stuff and all you could trip over was that sight of her fone that's when the store manager walks over asking to checkbwity the work downstairs as they had some doubt andbyou ask the manager to go instead as you had to make some call and she leavesthe fone and heads downstairs......

Thd one rushhhhhhhh to take the fone that very second and as you seee that one most loved circle right there his hair short now but the waaaaaaaaaay he looooosj that adooooooorable charlie!!!!!!!?

Evr since the startcmerkuuuu nai maloooom why seeeing him smile alwaaaays made you this happy for no reason yeeee andaar se he aisaaaa kyaaaa ho jaaaata like you can almost feeeeobyourb lungs heart kidneys evry lipnto big organ smiling awaaay the widest smile possible to just see him smile that one smile of his!!!!!

THAT much innocence that leaves you in dilemma for the moment if to eat him away or just stay there and adooooote him away!!!!!!!

His sister and him same pose with lucky almost the same pose this time andbthe waaaaaay it feels like nothing really changed over time and also when it makes you feeeel years passed by!!!!!!

Why nothing no one else makes you feel this on the inside even if you leave everything to the side just this feeeeeel what's this whys this the way it is!!!!!!

And this one song exact vibe of what and how you feeeel right now!!!!!

Mind is on this flight mode ever since that moennt of seeeing him at work getting designs sorted client meets mind still in abworld of its own.....like it that clearly shows 9j your face with questions ar9und you are just not here today.....when the manager mentions that and the second you change your posture and get back to the discussion the way she comments over your childlike acting skills to show the fosuc but naiiii hotaaaa charlieeee kittttaaaa bhi karlooo kuch bhi karloooo once slightest of anything him hits you touches y9u even whispers away something the waaaay it just leaves you transformed!!!!!

The mind the heart all of you on this flight mode off and away from everything else.....closer to all things Him!!!!!!!!

Lovtooober!!!!!

 THIS one month is your complete heart!!!!!!!

Right from the start of this month the series of dreams moments flashes of him the waaaaay your every single sec of the day is on a rewind playback mode every lilst instance every lil flahs of him moemnt of him sound of him like it all rushes and plays through you every single of this month!!!!!!

This month that gave you HIM!!!!!!

His birth month where this beauuuuuuty of him was actually born and ever single year this one month and that bigggggest sigh of a thank you to his mom for HIM!!!!!!!

not just to know him to having f9unf him but more importantly to be loved by him!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!!

it's this feeeeeeeeeéel that you mind looooved to stay afloat at all through this month right from the start of the month 18tj was the countdown sometime around and also when you trun the ultimate subodh prolly the only thing in your life thT you remember things minutest details about!!!!!!

Right from the start of the daaay today to that almost second when you just wait for him to turn towards to just seee himncause he had been talking something all that while and in slowmo was taking that turn towards and un haste or something you try to hold or go toward his side of the bed from over him trying to look at him in a rush and you wakeup with almost hanging over the edge of the bed a second away from falling off it!!!!!!

But lile always that one feeeeeeeeel of missing out on seeing him this morning !!!!!!!

Lil did you know what was ahead!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaa yummmmy cuteeeeey feeeeliw he is!!!!!!!

Hair cut lilst daaadi but that one smileeeeeee ayaaaaa the waaaay it just makes all your insides smileeeee away just to seee him smile !!!!!!

His Him in blueee!!!!!!!

 Him in that tone of navyyyy blue and this Georgie’s coincidence when you also wear the same tone of navy blue shirt!!!!!!!

I isss thisss happppy mind feeet soup heart and body flying high I say!!!!!

How how howwwws are the waaaays you miss seeing that one face that one just that one face in the world!!!!!!

It’s that same picture similar kind with his sister back then with lucky beech mein almost same pose minus lucky this one!!!!!!!

Ayooooooooo the waaaaaay he just loooks that eatablyyy adooooorable there’s that heaps peaks n mountains full of cuteness innocence in that one smile that one face 

The waaaaay seeing his face made you this happpy away and how!!!!!!

Late late night at work today come back sometime lil lil gin but thaaaaaaat big high on him!!!!!!

Mind ku kyaaaaa kyaaaaaa kaisaaaaa aisaaaa waisaaaaa khyaaaals I say!!!!!!

Yesss yessssss it’s Youuuuu howlreeeeeee if only you knew!!!!!!!!slightest bhi lilst bhi if you only knewwwwww!!!!!!!!

Can’t can’t keeeep my mind n feeeet down cause I keeeep flying 

SOME DAYS!!!!!

 And some days just like thaAat!!!!!!

And i can't keeeep my feet down cause i keeeeep flying the him highhjhh!!!!!!

Said abgodfuckingzilli9mntimes before can say it over n over again that one face in the world for you and this khushiiiiii it fills you up with to just sseseees him smileeeee is beyooooond verugbung i say!!!!!!!

Heights n Mountains!!!!!!!

 Heights and mountains and peaks of cuteness I saaaaay!!!!!!!

Inneeeee itttaaaaaaaaaa cuteeeee kaiseeeee like howwwww and the things it does awaaaaaaay with your mind just one look one glimpse one slightest of something anythung or pooora him like today and THIS you it leaves you with is beyond the logics and words of the world I say!!!!!!!!

THAT one smile leaving your face with the widest biggest smile glued away on your face howwwww like this feeeeling all khush away just by seeeing him smile that one smile awaaaay!!!!!!!

Now when packaging words like mehbooobnagar Dd colony this beauuuuutifully insync is khushinesss beyond worlds I say!!!!!

Said it before can say it a zillion times over nothing can possibly make you this THIS happy the way anything to do with him does!!!!!!

THAT ONE FACE!!!!!!!!

 That THAT one face in the world for you!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa mera pooora ka pooora heart and life right there!!!!!!!!

THAT LEVEL OF ADOOOOOOORABLENESS!!!!!!

This mind this you the waaaaay tinggggg bolke transforms you awaaay and how!!!!!!!

Muskuraaaaake dil kuuu churaaaate hai!!!!!!!!!!!

Mind gone and howwww no matter what work you are at where you are at mind offfff it goes with him and HOW!!!!!!

The scent of nostalgia…!

 A self chill time after a very very long time of last few over hectic weeks of early mornings n late nights at work with bare minimum breathing space but made few very good changes…..

This beauty of nostalgia that also comes along with familiar scents n tastes from back then…

Scent of mehendi n the taste of aarselu !!!!!

Final day of Navratri and Pooja at studio this need to try mehendi after a decade almost and the way that sound of his words comes along with the sight n scent of mehendi!!!!!

Bad at mehendi designs u burn your right hand few fingers at Pooja today so you copy a few burn marks that look like lil dotted stars…….

This beauty of some nights the scent of October music this good playing echo of words from the past and visual of lil dotted stars on fingers!!!!!

Something’s again beyond reasons or logics I say!!!!!!

Sound of music!!!!

 This feeeeeeelin when you stumble upon such good music that syncs in this beautifully well with the mood n state of mind you already were in!!!!!!!

It’s avfeeeling beyond words!!!!

SOUNDS!!!!

 And some sounds just like that thaaaaaat beauuuutifully laced with all of Him touches you away and HOW!!!!!!

Right in the middle of the workout with a 5kg dumbbell in hand your mind soul and body takes a flight woooooosh bolke!!!!!

Lose the control over hand and the way all of y9u is just that beauuuutifully held away with stillness with all things him!!!!!!

This fataaak sa smile on face!!!!!!

Moments n sounds like these!!!!!!

October...!

 This one month the most special it's like a celebration in itself each day.....

The way the mind is on a replay mode evry single year during this time...

The days with him to his birthday the most important day of your life to knowing it's love after all it's like every single day to relive every single moment to relive makes you realise why you couldn't didn't wanna change a thing...

Even writing now the way it just fills your heart with that one biggest most beautifully ironic sigh - Him!!!!!!!

Lil did you know that one adooooorable thing was soon going to transform you and your life away for a lifetime ahead......

That one face in the world for you!!!!!!!

This one month and the waaaaaaays it brings him along!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe also why all this while staying off checking him on instag to ever since the onset of october that one wait to grab her fone to jst check on him hint of him anything him almost evry single day.....

Mind i tell you can't put a leash on the one that's meant to fly i say......!

And off it goes!!!!!!!!

This mind now!!!!!

 It's EVERYTHING him kinda day today too!!!!!!

According to you it was just a meet just stopping over a temple to do some mannat of your mom's complete that day and he takes you to that only temple after many temple searchings.....stays out cause of the family issues he was dealing with back then.....soon as you are back those moemnts with him to just see him live that version of him from that upclose changed something inside of you then and there itself...

It was that whole beauty of transitional moment charlie from all that fear of touch closeness there was that moment to see him live his details from that close to feel that beauty of his forehead and then most importantly to live that moment with him looking you in the eye like that one starevof his always that makes you feel like he is looking through and inside your soul...not just looking at you!!

The way that moment just held the two of you and HOW!!!!!

it was only till the sound of the traffic around that made you realise you were lost in him.....it being love was something you realised much later but then itself it's like something just shifted in you that moment with him.......!

All your way back at the studio it's been very hectic last few weeks and today too amidst all the rush rush at work it's him charlie the waaaaaaay anything to do with him slightest of him eases your mind out and how!!!!!!

It's like suddenly and just that beauuuutifully you land in another zone altogether!!!!!!

Everything inside outside just feeels that beautifully slow mellow hazy high kinda state of mind.....

Almost home and just check on insta with some friends message asking to meet for the festival and first post you see instead is of Wake Up Isd!!!!!

13 years!!!!!!!!!!!

There are times when his words just hit your mind with that harsh reality side of him telling you things you don't wanna repeat including dint remember a thing bout you......it's that point you reach mind wise heart wise that says screams sometimes give up!!!!!!

And amidst everything else there is one moemnt of him with him that you relive that again changes it all away and HOW!!!!!

It in a strangely beautiful way reminds you how why you couldn't give up all this while!!!!

Like reasoning out for the way you feel for him and why nothing could ever change it...!