you were struggling unsure of what exactly is happening with you !
like there is the real side of the life and then there is that life that takes over the sec you shut your eye.....
to those sudden moments of crying and feeling weird and lost and you just had to say it all out to someone like you know for once speak it all out and there is not a single one person you know who could ever be understanding enough to let you talk without judging or asking you a why !!
and you google out a few people and this one lady is someone you overhear at the salon two people discussing over bout.....
google her out and finally gather that courage to go see her....
she seemed normal like any doctor and after the usual hello what do you do and stuff came the actual reason why you were there....
and you just couldnt look at her and talk bout it cause in your mind you still felt foolish mad and you just couldnt sort of admit that before someone for real....
like you know speak your state of mind out is not easy....
it seems beautiful here cause charlie you see never judges or asks you any questions !!!!!!
in the real world its not that simple.....
there will be whys whats and hows !!!!!!
and those you have no absolute answer for !!!!!!
that weird awkward silence that she lets you take.... and after much look around and this one bean bag in a corner again that first sighting of it and there was him in that too....
cause it was at his place that he actually drops you over it and the sec you feel that sinking wali beautiful feel over the bean that you tell him it was your first time sitting over it and you dint know it felt soooooo gooood !!!!!!!!
and the way he actually lifts you over again and drops you back and then watches you feel all that excited over it.....
like he would sort of let you live that moment of khushi and then fold his hands away and stand there watching you live your moment.....
as you try to sink in more slowly to live that max comfort wali feeeel !!!!!!!
that day too seeing the bean bag there there was him in that moment too....
head over there plug in his music shut your eyes away and the first thing you tell her is this is my happy state my happy world !!
plug one out and tell her the seeing him and the living him and the bup the dad thing the after him the living him in his absence and then finding this peace here in charlie.....
where she keeps asking if you were okay saying it all out in one go or she could meet you again and all and you tell her that you were not that sure if you would come again!!
it was that weird realization charlie that you were actually seeking help or it was just your way of letting it all out to someone at least.....
like your mom still dosnt know bout you seeking for help or maybe as far as you are concerned it ws just that need to tell someone bout all that was going inside of you.....
and in a way hoping to get that response as its all normal....
and you are not suffering through depression and all that that comes with it....
she did say its all normal and it happens and stuff but she dint really get the logic of how you could still feel his presence even after the waking up....
like she kept askin you how could you feel his prsence but whoo huaa he naiii bolneee charlie that you can smell him smell his presence that clsoe to you the sec youw ake up.....
ajeeb it feltt to say it out !!!!!
it just felt a lil better.....
to that point when she assk you how did you feel when he first said he had moved on and wanted you to do the same and not message him and all...
that need to shut your eyes and the first thing that came to your mind all i wanted was to just see him in that moment there.....
knwoing what if its the last time you would !!
and yet pata nai huaaa whooo bolnaaa he nai huaaa !!!
how do you see him that way knowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you still feel all that living him knowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you say a bye log out after the chat KNOWING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
people are weird charlie !!!!!!
they say say the things you only are comfortable to talk or share bout and then she keeps asking why dint you what happened after that and hows that possible and stuff like that............
and that one inside talk just lemme talk it all out dont ask any questions pls....
all that while facing your back to her one ear plug in sitting over bean bag letting that one corner of your mind out.....
there were these forwards that this group of friends were sharing related to depression n stuff.... and that sort of scared you in a way wondering what if its that and like that sort of made you wanna understand whats going inside of you.....
only after a few meets does she tell you this had nothing to do with depression just that slight smthing that needs to be worked on....
like to get over the occasional missing that leads to sadness and lonely feeling and all and suggests you start over..... and usual shit that you much expected would lead to....
like you can just end smthing that you are still living and find another someone and get on with it like you never really felt lived loved anythign in the first place.....
like if it meant that much to you it neevr would have been this easy for you to just get on with someone or smthing else just cause that seems more logically right now !!
its all weird.....
just not the types that you understand or could ever understand....
and yet you do the same mistakes of fighting it back....
like you just sort of wanted to get over it or just that feeling of being upset mad weird or what after your birthday that you end up talking those bits with manas and smtimes saying a hey and all on your own like even as he talks back and all you look down or around yaha waha like it was just that namesake thing like you were sort of dont even know man what it was but like you were just doing that not even liking it a bit.....
to that moment when you actually live that moment of someone sitting across the table as you live his presence there in coffee places it just does smthing to you like you actually feel him in coffee places the most too....
having shared some of the most beautiful moments there too !!
to the waaaaaaaaaaaaay it leads to living him for real again writing out what and hwo you exactly felt in that moment seems this crazy !!
but thats how and what you felt in that moment there.....
like he was there for real you could smell him his presence that close to you like a lil sec close and you feel his hair on the hand on yours like that close to you.....
and you actually nod back have that converstaion with him there with people still standing behind you lined up for you to get the bill done the ocunter guy still asking for the card and you standing there living him right there !!!!!!!!!
that close to your studio now that becomes your most fav place......
cause you lived him there.....
the only two times that you felt his love felt his presence that strongly with you for you was in bombay when you felt his love for you for the first time ever after bup and the second time was here at concu that evening.....
this one christmas tree right behind the counter had oranges tangerines the authentic way of doing up teh christmas tree instead of the artificial and fancy baubles.....
tangerine...
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...
the waaaaaaaaaaaay all those feels the vibe of that place the him lived there and then to find this christmas tree was your lil moment of magic in the middle of nowhere...
smthings are that simple and yet that THAT beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!
this too was one of your most missed moments with him....
like apart from the godzillion things that you miss him that baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly for this too was smthing you really missed....
just sharing that random moment surrounded with people around and having a moment of your own in the middle of it.... to just have him stand right next to you that close to you and have that lil conversation with you steal that lil stare with you share that one smile one nod with you jsut a moment of your own !!!!!!!!!!
just your own...!
like there is the real side of the life and then there is that life that takes over the sec you shut your eye.....
to those sudden moments of crying and feeling weird and lost and you just had to say it all out to someone like you know for once speak it all out and there is not a single one person you know who could ever be understanding enough to let you talk without judging or asking you a why !!
and you google out a few people and this one lady is someone you overhear at the salon two people discussing over bout.....
google her out and finally gather that courage to go see her....
she seemed normal like any doctor and after the usual hello what do you do and stuff came the actual reason why you were there....
and you just couldnt look at her and talk bout it cause in your mind you still felt foolish mad and you just couldnt sort of admit that before someone for real....
like you know speak your state of mind out is not easy....
it seems beautiful here cause charlie you see never judges or asks you any questions !!!!!!
in the real world its not that simple.....
there will be whys whats and hows !!!!!!
and those you have no absolute answer for !!!!!!
that weird awkward silence that she lets you take.... and after much look around and this one bean bag in a corner again that first sighting of it and there was him in that too....
cause it was at his place that he actually drops you over it and the sec you feel that sinking wali beautiful feel over the bean that you tell him it was your first time sitting over it and you dint know it felt soooooo gooood !!!!!!!!
and the way he actually lifts you over again and drops you back and then watches you feel all that excited over it.....
like he would sort of let you live that moment of khushi and then fold his hands away and stand there watching you live your moment.....
as you try to sink in more slowly to live that max comfort wali feeeel !!!!!!!
that day too seeing the bean bag there there was him in that moment too....
head over there plug in his music shut your eyes away and the first thing you tell her is this is my happy state my happy world !!
plug one out and tell her the seeing him and the living him and the bup the dad thing the after him the living him in his absence and then finding this peace here in charlie.....
where she keeps asking if you were okay saying it all out in one go or she could meet you again and all and you tell her that you were not that sure if you would come again!!
it was that weird realization charlie that you were actually seeking help or it was just your way of letting it all out to someone at least.....
like your mom still dosnt know bout you seeking for help or maybe as far as you are concerned it ws just that need to tell someone bout all that was going inside of you.....
and in a way hoping to get that response as its all normal....
and you are not suffering through depression and all that that comes with it....
she did say its all normal and it happens and stuff but she dint really get the logic of how you could still feel his presence even after the waking up....
like she kept askin you how could you feel his prsence but whoo huaa he naiii bolneee charlie that you can smell him smell his presence that clsoe to you the sec youw ake up.....
ajeeb it feltt to say it out !!!!!
it just felt a lil better.....
to that point when she assk you how did you feel when he first said he had moved on and wanted you to do the same and not message him and all...
that need to shut your eyes and the first thing that came to your mind all i wanted was to just see him in that moment there.....
knwoing what if its the last time you would !!
and yet pata nai huaaa whooo bolnaaa he nai huaaa !!!
how do you see him that way knowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you still feel all that living him knowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do you say a bye log out after the chat KNOWING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
people are weird charlie !!!!!!
they say say the things you only are comfortable to talk or share bout and then she keeps asking why dint you what happened after that and hows that possible and stuff like that............
and that one inside talk just lemme talk it all out dont ask any questions pls....
all that while facing your back to her one ear plug in sitting over bean bag letting that one corner of your mind out.....
there were these forwards that this group of friends were sharing related to depression n stuff.... and that sort of scared you in a way wondering what if its that and like that sort of made you wanna understand whats going inside of you.....
only after a few meets does she tell you this had nothing to do with depression just that slight smthing that needs to be worked on....
like to get over the occasional missing that leads to sadness and lonely feeling and all and suggests you start over..... and usual shit that you much expected would lead to....
like you can just end smthing that you are still living and find another someone and get on with it like you never really felt lived loved anythign in the first place.....
like if it meant that much to you it neevr would have been this easy for you to just get on with someone or smthing else just cause that seems more logically right now !!
its all weird.....
just not the types that you understand or could ever understand....
and yet you do the same mistakes of fighting it back....
like you just sort of wanted to get over it or just that feeling of being upset mad weird or what after your birthday that you end up talking those bits with manas and smtimes saying a hey and all on your own like even as he talks back and all you look down or around yaha waha like it was just that namesake thing like you were sort of dont even know man what it was but like you were just doing that not even liking it a bit.....
to that moment when you actually live that moment of someone sitting across the table as you live his presence there in coffee places it just does smthing to you like you actually feel him in coffee places the most too....
having shared some of the most beautiful moments there too !!
to the waaaaaaaaaaaaay it leads to living him for real again writing out what and hwo you exactly felt in that moment seems this crazy !!
but thats how and what you felt in that moment there.....
like he was there for real you could smell him his presence that close to you like a lil sec close and you feel his hair on the hand on yours like that close to you.....
and you actually nod back have that converstaion with him there with people still standing behind you lined up for you to get the bill done the ocunter guy still asking for the card and you standing there living him right there !!!!!!!!!
that close to your studio now that becomes your most fav place......
cause you lived him there.....
the only two times that you felt his love felt his presence that strongly with you for you was in bombay when you felt his love for you for the first time ever after bup and the second time was here at concu that evening.....
this one christmas tree right behind the counter had oranges tangerines the authentic way of doing up teh christmas tree instead of the artificial and fancy baubles.....
tangerine...
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind...
the waaaaaaaaaaaay all those feels the vibe of that place the him lived there and then to find this christmas tree was your lil moment of magic in the middle of nowhere...
smthings are that simple and yet that THAT beautiful !!!!!!!!!!!
this too was one of your most missed moments with him....
like apart from the godzillion things that you miss him that baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly for this too was smthing you really missed....
just sharing that random moment surrounded with people around and having a moment of your own in the middle of it.... to just have him stand right next to you that close to you and have that lil conversation with you steal that lil stare with you share that one smile one nod with you jsut a moment of your own !!!!!!!!!!
just your own...!
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