Him!!!!!!

 Even before seeing him his face him walking through the door like that one visual you can never get enough of reliving I swear!!!!!

Like that itself held you right there that feeeeel inside to just be there and live him live his walk towards you or that mirror stare with him for the first time…..himmtying his shoe lace and looks up and at you throug the mirror and just stays that way…..no smile nothing just a straight beauuuuuuutiful stare and the waaaaaaaay it felt like being held by him from a distance……..

Even much after and before knowing it’s love that day he was high that which he shared with you much after…..all night his friend then oknfor the first time now you don’t remember that friends name of his……he talks him through about taking the first step instead of waiting as he still had time….because he did tell him then about you getting married and stuff and still he was in love with you…

So the friend gets him high he had been up all night and yet comes to the gym to see you…..and the waaaay he comes straight up toooo close to you and asks you out for the first time that was out as in under the gym coffee place…even that day that beauuuuuty of living him like almost that magnetic feeeeeel charlie being drawn to him…effortlessly without thinking without having to rethink like it was that beauuuuutoful like you had known him before kinda strong vibe about him…

Him talking you living his details away his facial expression when saying some words specifically his hand movements his way of sitting on the stairs his way of walking towards the car his way of just making some squeaky sounds saying some words his chuckle the sound of his laughter anythung to everything bout him you wanting to live every detail and somehow loving each one not knowing yet…

Like it was the same time around when he had started to drop you home too and this music sharing of his making you wait back under your apartment to listen and finish some track be it back then or even now people don’t get it just don’t get it you are not lonely you don’t want that pitty from them…..

Cause you are nothing about that life is not about having to spend your days your mornings your nights your random moments your special moments your bad days your good days your best self your worst self with anybody with somebody just because you have to it’s that need to spend it with someone you want to you know is your home feels like your home the one you know with this is it bas……

It’s your mind it’s your soul it’s your body it’s for that matter your skin as least as your skin that knows just knowsssss that one feeeeel it wants to be felt as and with…

It’s the way your heart feels like earlier there were times you used to sad and almost depressed but somehow with time and realising this simple fact of life and building your life around it…

You grew up literally!!!!!!

And finally!!!!!!

And for the times that you miss living him touching him hearing him holding him eating him is soon as you shut your eyes that pretty much well almost makes up for it…

It’s that fact of knowing you just can’t somewhere else someplace else somebody else you just can’t…

The wiring has been done and can’t be changed now…!

Like the insides of you also only strictly come alive with the slightest of him and howwwweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Like it’s almost madness the waaaaaay the things slightest of him does away to you!!!!!!

Beautiful damage I say!!!!!!