Moments!!!!

 Some moments when you relive feel away all the more strongly nai!!!!!

When he picks you up morning morning that day to the gym and plays this track just before reaching the gym.....hosh walo Ko khabar kya and that one look on his face like for a second it makes you wonder what it even was about!!!!

Like from that moment on to the workout your mind keeps replaying the moment still confused and wondering why would he do that!!!!

Cause him playing a hindi track was a BIG deal specially if it's anything other Lucky Ali...

And every year almost that viiiiibe of that day rushed through you where post bup even once he posts the title of same track around same date as his WhatsApp status...

Yesterday a packed day where you start with workout but had to rush as they mess up the mirror frames and hanging paint away!!!!!!

Coming home that one weird missing cause it wasn't all happy missing somehow!!!!!!

It's when the missing hits the hardest with that then and now weird feeling in the stomach that your can't fight or sink in...

This time of the year tooooooo many memories almost each and every single day from here on...!

Word magic...!

 Lil moments of word magic like this...!

Telling youu it's in the Air of October...

Something bout it this magic like!!!!!!!!!!!

This mind not working right when it needs to work a hell load right now, the waaay it keeps slipping away into the Him Wonderland...!

Him in black...!

 That soooooo sounded like the will.smith movie title!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this this lil HIM hiiiiighd heart of yours when rushed like this THIS!!!!!!!!

Everything in you is this charged like super charged be it writing him till morning hours then having to rush to work as the workers and painters will be there by 12 and here you are still Trippin on the way he looked like a full plate of caramel custard in that black shirt that you that baaaaaadly wish could slurp away in one lick in one bite I swear!!!!!!!!!!!!

First thing you see on Instagram this how apt very very spot!!!! That one face that ONE HIM !!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa there's something bout him in that black shirt like he becomes this beauuuuuuuutkful forest like version of him and howwwwweeee!!!!!!!!

It's dreams like these and himcomings like this that makes your face difficult to function at work like how do you even where do you even hide these expressions this rush of him all over your face giggling away to anything happening at work cause you are soooooooooo him highddddd still like since waking up keep touching your neck again keep touching your lips n nose away!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa what too doooo what not too doooo scoooby Dooby doo level of madness!!!!!!!

There's no absolute self control with a himcoming in that one shirt I swear be it in the dream or now since waking up!!!!!!!

Howwwwweeeeeeeeeee only!!!!!!!!

Kitttuuuuuuuuu kitttttuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu kitttttuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu youuuuuuu sexxyyyyyyyy sexyyyyyyy lil big gorgeosulyyyyyy adorable thing inswear!!!!!!!! Slightest only if any idea at all!!!!!!!!!

Two feet…!

 This one artist THIS ONE ARTIST is like the complete vibe of him the entirety of his vibe captured by this artist like regardless of which song it is good lyric bad lyric doesn’t matter it’s the viiiiiibe of the sound by this artist and it’s like listening to him living him with eyes shut and just listening to the sound…..

Two feet has become Him only now…

It’s the waaaaay it makes you come alive with everything Him!!!!!

Am telling you this one month driving you bad mad and howwweeeeee!!!!!!

Times!!!!

 Like ofcourse there are those times when you wish some moemnt that’ strongly to be real like waking up from some dream and the waaaaay he comes in that shirt living the moment away waking up in the morning wishing away for it for real like the post workout movements and wishing to live it for real with him like being in some place and wishing to be there with him for real some day like wanting to needing to love him a way like you never did never could before…..it’s these zillion things that rush through your mind wanting to live him that way wanting to live a moemnt that way wanting to sleep knowing he would still be there when you wake up too…

Not having to look for him soon as you are up and stil finding him there on your pillow still sleeping…..

Wanting to do that thing he had talked about wanting to be there at that place he had mentioned about like a zillion things wanting needing and yet there are moments and days like these like today like right now……

To still be able to feeeeel this living that one visual of him from the dream yesterday!!!!!!

Random!!!!

 A day back with her for some jewellery that she  wanted to buy and wanted you to come along as you were closeby….

She does weird gf dy things man like asking you to share your dabba pic from work share songs with you share movie recomm with you and you actually tell her that day finally at the jewellery place that you are very much straight and been in love with somebody for over a decade now…..and she tells you that she knows you’ve told her pehle bhi but she just likes you as a person too much…..is what the reason was sooo yah her choosing some earring and you notice this one ring had to be a wave that looked again like a beautiful sparkly C the most looooooooved alphabet of your life I say…

And you call your mom and get it immediately…..

once home your mom pointing it out and you check the jewellery and realise it’s all C in your finger rings collection….

To that other random moment the day when brushing play this recomm YouTube playlist and the track supermassive black hole and that very second him rush I say!!!!!

Huge toothpastey smile on at his place just reached and you drop your bag and rushing to hug him and your phone rings that was your ringtone back then…..and he shakes up literally saying kyaaaaa ringtone hai bey ye and you go over to put it on silent and he asks you to take the call and you tell him you don’t do phones when with him remember and he smiles away asking you to answer again the phone rings again and you ignore again and he comes closer and the phone rings again and you tell him it was vishruta and he answers the call puts it on speaker and you couldn’t hold back the smile as he holds you and asks you to speak to her and you tell her you won’t be meeting her or something and the waaaaaay she immediately says shriya you sound different where are you….and you hang up and be immediatrlyyyyyyy chummi eats your face up that very moment!!!!

It was ofc obvious that you change the ringtone that very day and the next time Vishrutha call again and your phone rings and it was carbon based lifegorms track now and the waaaaay he chuckles exicedtly saying meri beautiful pause and then continues saying tu cbl sunti nice nice and that one smiiiiile adjusting on the bed closer to you…

It’s the random most moments charlie and the waaaaaaay they bring him along it’s this feeeeeeeeeel like no other to just be able to feeeeeel him live him like this it somehow completes you and whatever missing comes close to when asleep to still be able to live him in ways like theseeee the way you do has become the core of your existence now….

Like black your most fav color now MOST fav one I say!!!!!

Him!!!!!!

 Even before seeing him his face him walking through the door like that one visual you can never get enough of reliving I swear!!!!!

Like that itself held you right there that feeeeel inside to just be there and live him live his walk towards you or that mirror stare with him for the first time…..himmtying his shoe lace and looks up and at you throug the mirror and just stays that way…..no smile nothing just a straight beauuuuuuutiful stare and the waaaaaaaay it felt like being held by him from a distance……..

Even much after and before knowing it’s love that day he was high that which he shared with you much after…..all night his friend then oknfor the first time now you don’t remember that friends name of his……he talks him through about taking the first step instead of waiting as he still had time….because he did tell him then about you getting married and stuff and still he was in love with you…

So the friend gets him high he had been up all night and yet comes to the gym to see you…..and the waaaay he comes straight up toooo close to you and asks you out for the first time that was out as in under the gym coffee place…even that day that beauuuuuty of living him like almost that magnetic feeeeeel charlie being drawn to him…effortlessly without thinking without having to rethink like it was that beauuuuutoful like you had known him before kinda strong vibe about him…

Him talking you living his details away his facial expression when saying some words specifically his hand movements his way of sitting on the stairs his way of walking towards the car his way of just making some squeaky sounds saying some words his chuckle the sound of his laughter anythung to everything bout him you wanting to live every detail and somehow loving each one not knowing yet…

Like it was the same time around when he had started to drop you home too and this music sharing of his making you wait back under your apartment to listen and finish some track be it back then or even now people don’t get it just don’t get it you are not lonely you don’t want that pitty from them…..

Cause you are nothing about that life is not about having to spend your days your mornings your nights your random moments your special moments your bad days your good days your best self your worst self with anybody with somebody just because you have to it’s that need to spend it with someone you want to you know is your home feels like your home the one you know with this is it bas……

It’s your mind it’s your soul it’s your body it’s for that matter your skin as least as your skin that knows just knowsssss that one feeeeel it wants to be felt as and with…

It’s the way your heart feels like earlier there were times you used to sad and almost depressed but somehow with time and realising this simple fact of life and building your life around it…

You grew up literally!!!!!!

And finally!!!!!!

And for the times that you miss living him touching him hearing him holding him eating him is soon as you shut your eyes that pretty much well almost makes up for it…

It’s that fact of knowing you just can’t somewhere else someplace else somebody else you just can’t…

The wiring has been done and can’t be changed now…!

Like the insides of you also only strictly come alive with the slightest of him and howwwweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Like it’s almost madness the waaaaaay the things slightest of him does away to you!!!!!!

Beautiful damage I say!!!!!!

Wired!!!!!

 Finalky there and meet her and stuff and talking to her mother and she sends you a text about some guy asking about you and was bringing the guy over and you lookup and there she was…..introduces the guy and the first thing the guy asks about is wasn’t it cri playing in your car as you got off…..and you just nod and introduces about name and what the guy does and stuff……her mom and she leaves leaving you with the guy and you looking around the guy talking about the concert and stuff and make the call excuse and walk out from there to the food counter asking for water…..

Grab the water and head out saying bye and stuff to her mom as she was busy with other guests and leave her a text and back on your way home…

The beauuuuuuuuuty of that complete moemnt is being slammed with moemnts like these and the waaaaaaaay they only make you realise how absolutely right you are on the path that you are…

It’s this feeeeeeeel charlie mom talking lecturing away stuff some or other saying same thing away it’s you alone that knows what it will all come down to…eventually it’s you that has to lead the life live the life with the person…..

It takes a lot to fight for something you truly absolute lfuckingly believe in with every ounce of you and it does take a lot of fighting to be precise…

And this thing HIM in your life is something you have been the only thing sure of in your life right from that very moment he walked d into your life regardless of his presence or absence as that has nothing to do with the waaaaay you strongly feeel for him…

Sex and all things casual is easy to step in it’s all out there but it takes that one thing in your life that makes you realise this is it…….like it’s your first and only but it’s that feeeeeeeeeewl charlie that rushed through you be it back then or now everytime you think of him…

Be it lovingly adoringly caringly possesively passionately sexually or just that need to hold him live him or just that need to hear him or make him sleep on your lap or feed him something like that thing of parental love or the zillion other forms and ways of love it only comes alive with and for HIM!!!!!!

Like andaraaa se only there’s that thing of need to be where you feel like it’s home and it’s always been Him…

Like there are ZILLUONNNNNNNNNNNNNNN feeeeeels you feeeeel away for him sometimes calmly sometimes VERY restlessly but it starts and ends there with him…apart from him there’s not a thing that you possibly feel otherwise like that thing bout feels is something comes and goes with him…other times you are just that plain numb!!!!!!

Like there’s no need or want to be some where else sharing that moment having that conversation looking up at the guy like it just doesn’t happen from within only it’s that numb like you knowwwwww……..

The second on your way home play the music again and there he was it’s like switch mode on and everything him mode on…..

And HOWWWWEEEEEE!!!!!

Sound of music…

 There are tbese things you do when you miss him too much visit a certain galli sometimes or eat dil khush or it’s this just go out somehow somewhere with loud music in the car it’s somehow strangely helps like it elevates that missing and also cause there are times when you miss his psy beedi that much like that want that need to get high that way and miss him……

But that with him stayed that way that faltu photographer even asks you on set if you do have sutta as the guy wanted to  have a smoke so if you wanted too as it was his style psy beedi not the regular one and you just say no and get back to the model room…..same thing again with this model asking you for it before having one and you don’t……

It’s also that comic fear almost inside ek puff maaari him wali saaari missing zoooop bolke bahar cause there’s that much kissing inside!!!!!!

And you found this way of listening to electro edm stuff and the waaaaaaaaaaaaay it makes you feeeeel makes you eeelvates that missing in you elevates that him rush in you….like today too you had to be at the opening thing of the model work office thing and out for that evening and you play this artist cri loud on your way there…..

It’s the waaaaaaaaay you zone out of the present and land into all things him it’s thaaaaat viiiiiibe of him driving and you living him living every detail of his and loving each one as you live it……it’s almost used to be like kissing each detail of his away from a distance without even really touching him…

It’s his versions to live every look of his every smile of his every nose twitch of his every time he squinted his eyes looking at the sun ahead on the road and that heaaaaart of yours ayyhaaaaaaa how can you possibly be drawn to each every expression move of his…….like any detail to everything bout him be it back then you were a fan absolute fan of him or now this very moment when his feet ka picture becomes your phone wallpaper now…….

Something’s are just beyond you like I said wired with just and all things him…

Wired!!!!!

 Time and again this beauuuuuuty of some realisations you are just wired with all things him right from the very start of him walking into the doors……it was almost electric in an instance like he just came and wired you away with Him for life…

It’s these moments and the waaaaaaaay they make you re realise it isn’t just your head then it’s actually a fact of your life now…wired with Him and howwwwweeeeeeeee!!!!! 

Sing miyaaaaaaaa bow only you were missed today too if you only had the sliiiiiightest idea!!!!!!

Right from the start of the day today dancing missing him away vibiiiinh away to the moments from the himcoming from yesterday!!!

To moemnts in the evening to this realisation it was same time around when it was the initial times with him under the gym in the gym where working out did become living him away instead…….

This rush of some days when you sort of live your mind away in the most gorgeous of ways cause it’s him rushing throug you when you are this high on music just music mins before that is and missing him away waaaaaaaay tooooo tooooooo much…….now the wine stops cause you just had to write the night out today!!!!’n

This missing THIS missing for him!!!!!!

Again when it shows on you this evidently where your mom says you look different today your eyes look different today…

How do you even hide away with all this him rush now!!!!!!

 

Sound of music...!

 Right outside some music instruments store Niladri playing in his car, him checking out that guitar in the window display as he stops and looks at it for a few mins you just knowwwww something beautiful is soon coming out of him...

Karely you know us humans are like musical instruments like all of us resemble to some sound of music some instrument and you are like the sound and feel of sitar also why I miss you more with Niladri sound........

Years after Him Saaaaaaxophone...

It's this viiiiiiibe of the sound of this one artist playing a new find just now and this viiiiiiibe the waaaaaaaay it starts of slow to this beauuuuutoful wild twist of sound it's how the artist plays with the notes of it from low to high from slow to wild........

Him that one gorgeouuuuuuus Saxooophone I swear!!!!!

Owwwwh the name too vibes with all Him...!

Waking ups like this mooooood like this a viiiiiiibe of Him like this on a Youday!!!!!!

Some nights!!!!

 When you miss him like this on some special nights as this one with this state of mind or a himcoming kike this one and this one feeeeeel for him to be up too or sharing something away like it just is that need charlie to feeeeel away in the very moment itself that you aren’t the only one feeling it away…or missing away and since morning you’ve been that frequently literally checking him out on insta subah seee…..

With that one BIG hope even now with this missing growing to just live him away there ayyaaaaaaaaaa him in every frame and then to live away at that same space in that Dd picture of his from back 2015……the same lights the same space and him holding you dancing along dropping you on the floor…..

The same space where soon as you would come you talking to him there or this one time literally running to hold him away and as holding hugging him away he keeps saying areee there’s pandit that stays beside if he sees al this form the window his dharam would get spoiled and stuff and you just couldn’t get away from him…..

And keeps saying asking you to continue the hug in his room instead and you just wouldn’t move away from him and he in that same waaaaaaay and position hopping walking back to his room with you still hugging him takes you to his room instead….holding your butt away in some curves with his table right there in the passage and saying not worried about yours mera table bas math thodna kinda logic…..cause he didn’t want to show he still cared!!!!!

But that one moment in that same space like you just couldn’t move away didn’t want to move an inch away from him something’s you write and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel right nowwwwww!!!!!!! N

He was THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT close!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 The other day too a meeting with the photographer a very decent strict with work family man kinda guy so it’s easier to make the guy understand what you are looking for exactly content wise and to give some brief for the future shoot expalingin about angles and asking the photographer to move along with the camera for videos and stuff and the way the guy interrupts and asks about which was the very first image you ever clicked and there he was again right there…….

Him driving and he gives you his phone to change music or something it was and you instead click his picture on the tank bund flyover and the waaaaaaaaay he smiiiiiiiles away like intiallu you don’t get to use the camera and he shows you and you take his pictures away…..and right there on the flyover he stops by to chummi you cause it made him that happy away jn that moment to you it was just that beauuuuuuty of seeing him through the bond style camera of his phone his face through it and howwww you loooooved it….

To after bup it was just capturing things to do with him at his Dd space his school book the psssssychedelic lights in his house the framed picture over the side table his sheets of script just anything to do with him you loved capturing away…..like a moment a memory of that meet kinda thing!!!!!

To once when he was on way to drop you back and you take his picture saying something away and he keeps covering the phone with his hand and you keep requesting him to let you take his picture and that one time you keep the phone down and he cracks something up again like a indirect way of ok you can take my picture kinda thing……and you click away comes out that beauuuuutkful with lights him smiiiiiling his beauuutifuk wide smile almost laugh like picture!!!!!

Or be it at the shoot when you were posing and showing the models how to pose or do the video walk stuff the photographer was about to take a picture of you with the model as a bts thing and you ask the guy not to….it’s that thing again somethjngs you just want that one person to like you just couldn’t be ok with it…..

It was different like you don’t know how to put it in words…..

To this day today him from the morning he did come that strongly charlie like it felt different his teeth his hand like he was being all him just like he used to with you it felt SO SO real that you just couldn’t understand why he still wasn’t around when you woke up……cause in your mind even up you were that sure that this time it wasn’t a dream he wasn’t just a dream and was actually there for real…..like all that did happen for real…

Even writing it now and reliving it again he felt that real!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 Like you try to like do your best to get a hold on yourself even with all that studio interior work going it’s chaotic charlie and yet this feeeeeeeeeeeeel of him like you are almost covered in all things him kindaaa vibe…..changing color of the door 4 times choosing colors and looking for that specific shade of blue a teal tone and you finally get it but even when choosing it imagining him Ina shirt of that tone……puts a smile on your face like you could feel it even at work changing things mind occupied with too many things yet YET the only thing person that tops it all and HOWEEEEEE is him……like priority ultimate and only priority of your life - Him…

Like your mind just knows to get that him space somehowwww anywhere throug the day and even when sleeping you try and have this self talk control control and then he comes ayyayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa all the more happier but it’s the you through the day that gets a lilllll out of your hands to tame down like today……being a festival Pooja and stuff but your mind the state of you the waaaaaaaay it keeps going back to the moments from this morning you keep feeling yourself away nape of your neck away holding yourself feeling it just like he had his hand on you and that beauuuutiful rush of him all the more throug you…..like you were struggling to focus on the Pooja and stuff followed and yet loved every bit of that struggle cause you felt him that strongly!!!!!!

And LOVED it!!!!!!!!!

To rushing out to the balcony for a bit to get your face straight and hold the smile and rushes away for a bit and this one dragon godzilion like figure in your fav marshmallow cloud formation……

And this has been happening a lot lately seeing dragon forms in some form or the other last 2 weeks se and you google it and in Chinese feng shui it’s a sigh of being on the right path sign of a good luck for the right journey ahead of you kinda logic…..

But in your mind that very second this gidzilluonth missing rushing through you it was MADNESS today it was that strong today!!!!!!

Even writing bout the feeeeel now this sudden change in the heartbeat again this same rush again now!!!!!

THIS mind!!!!!

 And you thought you would keep this as the bond night with back to back and the waaaaaaaaay just this sound playing and this feeeeeeeeeel of him from opera his side of the car just that one visual of him soon as he would stop the car……still looking out and not at you that one smiiiiiile on him his eyes even looking out like that mystery of those few seconds that passion building up for that moemnt till it transforms into another level his face him all of him in those few seconds till you live him transform to something that beauuuuuuutifullly wild like seconds before unfolding kinda beauuuuty of him……

It’s the waaaay the movie playing just goes that blur in visuals or sound and all you can live is this feeeeeeeel of him from that very moment……

This beauuuuuuty of having lived a visual that strongly to be able to relive that exact viiiiibe of him that exact visual of him even after all these years in that same spot ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa the way it just is making you feeeeel right now………

Sound…

 There are sounds and then there is that one sound out of nowhere that pretty much ties it all up away and how!!!!!

Everything n more that you’ve been feeeeling away through the day first n only adds more to it this very moment!!!!!!

This one month did give you HIM for life!!!!!!

No wonder this one viiiiiiibe of this month every year and you just can’t help but feeeeel away this magic this scent in the air of HIM!!!!!!

Every single year in October…this him not just rushing through you but in the air you breathe too!!!!!

Just this beauuuuuuty of all and anything to do with Him and oopra se when he comes like THIS on a festive day you alone know how baaaaaaad you struggled to keep a straight head on through the day and stop yourself from feeling yourself away feeling your neck away like how weirdly madness this is……when you’ve felt his hands on you for THAT long like you miss it that bad enough to keep feeeling it away reliving his hand away…….

Him!!!!!!

 To relive him from a moment from a visual how like howwwwweeee does it suddenly make you feel like you are right there in that very moment...exact ditto moment living him away for really real mein...

Him watching a bond movie on holi sitting on the bean bag as you come out of his room after shower in his clothes head to toe...and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he checks you out with that one smileeeee on him......

You were about to go in his sister's room to check what she was upto and instead the waaaaaay full filmy style he raises his one arm up asking you to sit closer to him on the sofa and he slowly slowly dancing way moves his bean bag closer to that corner of the sofa.......

The waaaaaaaay he keeps touching the skin on your feet with one finger tries to move your feet with his like those lil touches of his hinting away how much he was missing you in your presence and just wanting to hold you.......his sister comes out sits for a bit and the waaaay in a way trying to talk to her or something he comes even closer and then rests his side of the body against your legs and sits closest possible in his sister's presence.......

Like that never was there and when that happens in her presence it means that's howwwww much he was missing you away!!!!!!!!

THAT one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty adoooooooooooooootable beauty of him I swear!!!!!!!

It's a bond movie night and that special everytime it brings back this one moment that one visual of him!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaa pooooora ka pooooooooora heart of mine I swear!!!!!!!!

Some.days!!!!!!

 Some days you just donnoooooooo how to deal with your own missing!!!!!!!

This complete day today has been one of those kindaaaa days!!!!!!

Tooooooooooooooooooo much waaaaaaaaaay toooo much missing today!!!!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwweeeeeee only!!!!!!!!!!

HIMMMM YUMMMMMM!!!!

 His smiiiiiileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the sound of his voice his arms the entiretyyyyyyyyyy of him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it's just and only ONLY all things LOOOOOOOVEEEEEE head to toe anything to everything about him!!!!!!!

Everything and anything to do with love and all things in between ayyyaaaaaaaaaa is bas HIM pooooora ka pooooooooora!!!!!!

THE sound of his voice his chuckleeee sound ayyyaaaaaaaaaa how much moreeeeee and howwwweeeeeee many more waaaaaaays can you possibly love and miss someone with!!!!!

Talking away to his video and pictures now ayyaaaaaaa some misseeeeings I say on some days hits differently!!!!!!

HIM!!!!

 Exhqusyedddddddd post the longest day of the year at work yet and this time lights out slow music candles lit two sips down stolichinnaya and you just have your momemt of missed you talk watching his Anjaani raho video and ringo magic video on repeat......

And this realisation how much more can you possibly find someone THIS ADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORABLY gorgeous even after having lived every moment of every detail of them on repeat for years now...

Like every single time it makes you go ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa I LOOOOOOOOOOVE HIM...!

Every single time I say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Howlreee eeeeeeeeeeeeee how only you are being kissedbawayyyyyyyyy abhiiiiii k abhiiiiiiii.......

If you only had the slightest idraaaaaa I swear!!!!!!!!

Morning light...!

 Love nai sets your moooood on a different level only!!!!!

Like that one face in the world for you sleeping to it waking up to it the waaaaaaaaaay he comes this mooooood this viiiiiiibe it sets your day with and suddenly the wall Colors don't seem that bright no more...

Like at work now getting things sorted morning morning and you sit down to take some pics to take a look at the coat finish and this feeeeeel now this beautiful realisation now... ofcourse a zillion more things to do yet but after several attempts when it finally feels like this...

how nai it just changes you slowly slowly ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this mooood today prolly one of your most loved moments to the very start of the day before you even realise it's morning...living that beauuuuuuuuuty of the wiiiiiild child of your life I say!!!!!!!

Nothing I say beats that!!!!!!

Ofcourse except for his presence for real that is...!

HIM!!!!!!!

 This restlessly beauuuuuuuuuuutiful missing of his I swear!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa when he comes like this this one whole feeeeeeeelnyou wake up ayyaaa he misses you THIS much!!!!!!!!!!

This prolly again the very first time he does this when you actually fully asleep and he literally shakes you up shaking you up and that one word uthhh jaaaaaa and that one text from him back then urhhh jaaaa cooookie pieeee from Bombay to the other one post bup he again texts the same way uthhh jaaaaaaa and you actually wake up mins after and check your phone like something in you that strongly literally shakes you up back then with that feeeeeeel of him and you check your phone and it was him that same text minus the cookie……

This morning too same viiiiibe and as you turn with that one sound of him that gorgeeeeeeeeeeeously in a very very sexy khaki green shirt first time again in the dream that same tone of his Bangalore wala jacket and you again literallly drooooling over the waaaaay he looks that sexyyyy in it……daaaadi sleeeepy eatable eyes and look on him and the way he holds all of you awaaaaay as you were living that beauuuuty of him the way he holds moves over you that restlessness of him in him rushing through him that one sound he makes like back then when finding the comfort spot on your lap to sleep on and you start to kiss his shoulder away his arm away and the waaaaaaaaay he moves more I missed you man the waaaaay he keeps saying it over and over again in THAAAAAAAAAT Tone of his voice ayyyaaaaaaaaa that heart mind body soul of yours in that very moment or this moemnt as you relive and write now!!!!!!!

Somethimhssssssssss this beauuuuuuty madly passionate beauty of that moment of the viiiiiibe of him the waaaaay he moves saying it over n over again…….where you just wanted to chummi eat his face away but the waaaaaaay in that moment all he wanted was to just hold you away like feeel your presence with him and the way he doesn’t let you move to hold his face and keeps holding you saying it…

Like today the second you wake up that one feeeeeeelnof his arms again it’s like suddenly from held that tightly to suddenly you miss it like it’s a part of you around you and suddenly you don’t feel it kind…

Had to had to rush the workout in another hectic one ahead with third try at paint as you didn’t like the others but this yearning this morning to feel his arms around still after waking up that sound of his voice and you just had to get a quick one but a tougly roughly good one in…

And this beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him to move along with him all over your arms your neck your hair to just feeeeeeeeeeel him over this waaaaaaay is beyond logics of magic I sweaaaaaar!!!!!!!

How’s it even possible still amazes you outta your mind but this one almost magic like flow the ebauuuuuuuty to feeeeeeeeel him this way!!!!!!!

From that rush of a intense workout to some dance moves to this move of him along and you are him highdddddd super him hughddddd morning morning today……

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa like it’s this sudden rush of khushi gushing through you and you have to have a straight one is when it all gets that much more difficult to step out……

This THIS Him highdddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!

Pssssyyyyyychedelic I say!!!!!!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!!!!!

 This beauuuuuuuuty of Himcomings like these!!!!!!!

It’s that beauuuuuuuty charloe in knowing someone’s warmth just by their sense like something in you that strongly makes you come alive just by the sense of someone…….

And last night that almost happy magical night trippin of all things him you pass out writing writing only as it was a long day of cleansing house and stuff and a glass of merlot down this loooooooooooove to write him out this time of the year it’s strange it’s madness it’s absolute best happy time of your year literally!!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeeeel charlie as you write each moment like you are there right there with him in that moment again in that same place again and living that moment with him again kinda viiiibe as you write…

U did get up beech mein but knew you had to get in the o workout def in the morning before work!!!!!!

It’s that realisation last night how he was actually there stretching along with you moving along with you back then too and you just had to feeeeel it again this morning morning… like even in the dream like he knew how baaaaad you missed seeing him in white writing writing last night and ditto comes that way…

And this beauuuuuuuuuuty of him standing in the balcony or something it was and looking to the other side and that sense of him rushing through you look to the side and there he was white shirt linen soft linen the waaaaaaaaaaaay his style of wearing the shirt him literally posing away with that gorgeoussssssss sexy look in his eyes daaaaadi one hand on the railing with that look in him amsexyandiknowittttt kinda viiiiiibe of his and you try to take a step and the way he nods not to and he instead slides over to your side of the balcony literalllly………it was like a blink of an eye and he was that closeeeeeeeeeeeeeee to you before you say something living that beauuuuuuuuty of him from that upclose zooooomed in version the waaaaay he holds you and pulls you closer you try to lean closer to him and the way he holds his back a lil like you were trying to chummi him and he holds his head away and you try to do it again and he does the same again and you try to hold him by his neck to bring him closer and he does the same again with that chuckle and nod this time and you just stand there with that struggle of not being able to kiss him………to the next second before you could even make sense or any move the way he holds you by your neck and chummis you the same way he did back in Versova meet literally eating your face away kinda kiss!!!!!!!!!

It’s when you lose sense of anything and everything else it’s just that sense smell taste feeeeeeeeeel of him that takes over not just your mind but all of you!!!!!!!!

Like you donno what’s happening what it is where you are at what’s happening it’s just him all of you that you are laced with amd HOWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!

U wake up to the mixi sound and if there two things that you could absolutely ban from the kitchen usage one would be the  cooker and the other would be the mixi…….

But it’s that feeeeeeeeeel charlie like your face your mouth it was different like you could that strongly feeeeeeeeel that same feeeeeeeeel on your lips after that long where back then he would post moments actually chuckle looking at your lips away and that adoooooooooorably say the things I do to you know and pull that mirror of your side down and ask you to check your face……

Today this morning too the first thing you had to was check yoruself face red lips red without even the lip balm this morning…….like your face your skin just feels different this morning!!!!!!!!

It’s madness I know when writing it out but something’s when you feeeeeeeeel it that strongly you just donnoooo how what it is even like how’s it even possible!!!!!!

That rush need to workout and the post moments ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa him I swear LOVE HEART MADNESS of your life I say for life …

This beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him the sound the feeeeel of him even his voice from this morning ayyyaaaaaaaaa kittuuuuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaa if you onlyyyyyyy knew the waaaaaaaaaaays you are being missed away!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!’nn

 Like from those under the gym chais to his birthday it was……like he did mention that week that his birthday was up and you get him those rum n raisin cadbury chocolate for him and he immediately says I don’t want this instead can you come out with me today…and you think he was talking bout under the gym usual place and you change and all and stand there and him standing there makes that face and asks you again not here like come out with me…

And you were shit scared of going out anywhere and being late back home cause that would mean you having to quit gym only but that day his face the waaaaay he asks you out and you say a yes and that one khushiiiiiii on him…….

Opens the door for you and that immediate feeeel it felt different!!!!!

Soon as you sit in he asks you how did you like the shirt on him and you tell him it’s nice and he says no tell me really cause I could see it in your eyes you liked my white and blue more and you were shocked in the way he says I could see it in your eyes like how could somebody just understand by the way they see in your eyes was a logic you hadn’t heard of before…like lil did you know that was just the start of it all of him knowing you just by looking at you understanding you knowing things bout you  just by looking you in the eye……

And you tell him white really suits him best and you actually go on about it like I’ve never looked at a guy but that day the shirt looked really good on you or something it was and only after saying it out do you realise you actually went on about how good he looked that day in that shirt over n over again……

Cause even as you were talking bout it him in that short visual rushes through you and the way the very next day he actually comes to the gym wearing that same shirt and stands beside on the treadmill and stops your treadmill…smiles at you and says now I’ll go change and come keep this one reserved for me…..and you used to do this often for him book the beside treadmill to yours for him by placing your hand towel over it and anybody that comes by saying he is just coming and they would say rude things away and leave……

That day out with him him playing Hindi tracks to fink tracks knowing by then you loved fink too……melting moments it was and the second you stop there says this is my most fav place for ice creams and as the guy with menu comes over he gives it to you……and you don’t understand still looking at it and he asks you do you want to have my most fav flavour here or want to order yours and you fataaak se give him the menu instead and he orders for strawberry strip and the waaaaaaaay he spells it was another one of the firsts that you noticed and loooooooved bout him….literally pouting his lips away saying strawberry strip……

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa something’s you write and this visual of him right now actually saying it that same way!!!!!!!!’

Am telling you, HIM poooooora ka poooooooooora heart of mine I SWEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

HIMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

 Like that day it wasn’t even bout the guy abusing you or screaming at you cause that was something you were that used to with your then dad…cause that was something you literally grew up with your dad abusing you things you didn’t even know the meaning of until much later……

It was more bout you couldn’t understand what was it bout Him the waaaaay it was making you feeel things away and you couldn’t fight it to wondering if a day without seeing him goes at the gym it leaves you like that and post getting married it was bout moving to Delhi that far…….and nothing really made sense like all you were wondering was how would you possibly see him after like then it was just bout seeing him and it left you all lost wondering what was happening with you….cause you were sure you couldn’t come out of the whole marriage thing…….and that day on the steps he comes back with those cups and you ask him what was it that he was talking bout cause he did mention that earlier also and he that adoooooorably says bas you won’t be marrying that whoever it is for sure…..and starts to talk bout something else leaving you all eyed over him like literally living him away every detail of his him sitting that close to you and some moemnt of the pigeon flying above or something and he shakes up and comes closer to you with his one knee touching away yours and then touches your knee and cracks some joke my knee your knee something he says and it actually cracks you up just watching him and he stops you…saying look him in the eye looks at you and comes closer saying wowww the color of your eyes and that very moment the heartbeat that THAT one shift in you still this clear the way he comes closer looking you in the eye talking bout your eye color and how big it was for him see the reflection of things around and as he was talking that moemnt of his face that upclose to live his details his eyes his momooonoseeeeeeee his cheeks his then lil daaadi under his lower lip his beauuuuuuutoful wide sky like forehead his lips him talking something and then that smillleeeeeee of his saying we should come out more often like this here…

And that’s when you realise how close it all got in that moemnt and you realise it was getting late as by specifi time you had to be home anyhow……and you get off and he stops you asking you walk straight and he would cover and you don’t get it and ask him moving away what it was bout and he chuckles that qdoooooorably and says I have your ass covered cause it was all dusty and formed that shape on your pants…….

The waaaaaay he walks along with you that close covering your ass away and once there somebody’s hand towel was on the counter and he hands it over to you to dust the back off……

To days when these chai sessions did become a way living him more and the way he would time and again remind you same line am telling you won’t be marrying that guy and then actually adds that line from ddlj and you tell him it was your most fav movie and he adds a love story believer and still marrying some random guy know nothing bout!!!!!

To that day just walking you till the auto adds another line very filmy style don’t just watch films understand the film logic too!!!!!

Youdaaaaaays!!!!!

 This viiiiiiibe of the night tonight!!!!!!

Am telling you this magic of October like you can just alwaaaaays feeeeel it snifffffff it in the air only this one month!!!

This rush of him tonight to his coldplay and this beautiful conincidence the cover of this album with a big beautiful C as the moon and the image lit in the same ditto way as his Dd house back then…the psssssssychedelic array of lights forming that shape on the wall and how you looooved just living that vibe of those lights toooooo many memories with those lights and house I say!!!!!!

No wonder even recently when there just to be there in that galli every single time and that feeeeeeeel lil did you know nai back in 2015 this THIS long!!!!!!!

Soooooo yeaaaaaahhhhhh to that one late noon at the gym that day you did get late after a complete night of crying and lost after that brutal phone call with that guy him abusing screaming and stuff and you still come to the gym and just sitting there…..you were late and he wasn’t around that day only much after he comes over as you turn and he was right behind you standing that closest to you like you had to take a step back he was that close and he asks you out like smiles tooo much and asks you to join him for a cup of chai and you tell him you couldn’t go out anywhere and he stands there watching you and then says what about just below the gym and you nod a yes…….

On the steps it was all dusty and you look around for something to wipe the steps and he shows his hand like stopping for a bit and he loteraaaaaaaally glided against the step like wiping the step out with his butt kinda way and then asks you to sit…to that moemnt where he asks you to look him in the eye as you were looking away knowing your face must be swollen with all that crying and the waaaaay he asks you to look him in the eye you do and the way he says you are this track of lucky ali today gori Teri ankhen…and then looks down smiling away tells you told you you won’t be marrying after all and gets off to get the cups of chai cause initially then it was chai’s with him…

HIMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

 From that moment on random chats here and there when you start to actually do more weights too for the obvious reason being Him…

To those first initial moemnts of him coming closer being sharing his music with you like to think of it now how much he must have loved you to give his iPod away to you for the day……..like how much HOW MUCH TOO MUCH LOVE must be for you of his for him to give his music away to you…

To just randomly coming and standing behind you making your faces initiating your facial reactions as you work on that pull down shoulder something weight machine……and you doing the same when he used to work on his arms out making those adooooooooooorabke faces away and standing there imitating him and this one time as you were working on the leg sides doing some stretch style weight and as you bend sideways he just comes stands and imitates your side nod and starts to bend down along with you as you bend and then comes closer and pulls your ponytail gently and walks away……

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa something’s you write now and this realisation that tings you away abiiii k abhiiiiiii back then that was the start of it all noooooooooo wondeeeeeerrrrrrrr you feeeeel him away that strongly during your morning workouts or post workout movements somelogics nai pure sheeeer madness I say!!!!!!

Kuchhhh bhi but somethjngs nai hit you differently!!!!!!!!

Like that day going back home you remember standing before the mirror and doing the same side stretch and checking yourself out your ponytail out with that thing in your head ayyaaaaaa he did that to your hair….

Like you couldn’t get that visual out of your head of him coming to you and doing that with you side stretch along with you and then coming even closer and pulling your hair away and smiiiiilint that smile of his and walking back to his arm set…

And you actually stop right there in that shock awe or wonder what it was how did it feeel soooo different!!!!!!!

HIMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

 Like from that moment on everyday the second walking in to the gym and looking for him and then finding him already looking at you was like your long distance hi’s and hellos without really saying one…

To the way he starts to take the treadmill next to yours and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel like from dooor distance there he was right beside you…….and you didn’t even know what was happening to you like you loooooooved just seeing him anywhere around like to just see him made your complete day away…and sometimes if early and you don’t find him that one sinking feeeeel and just bout getting into the auto and there he would speed up and come and walking out of the car look at you and that one expression of his knowing you were leaving and that feeeeel in you he just came but…

To the next day being there and he comes to the treadmill next to yours and tells you first time oh you are on time today…and you ask him he knows your time!! And that one expression on him to the change of him asking why are you working so hard with an hour on treadmill and stuff and you tell him you were getting married and to fit in some outfit for the engagement a month away……and he tells you so arranged marriage it is and that one wonder how did he know that and you just nod and he just nods back with that smile on him and that was the first smile in your life that you absooooluteky loved on someone…like to realise that first feeeeeel of smile is also something that you would like or love bout someone and His smile was the first one and last one in your life……..and that day also being the first time ever you see him smile!!!

To random other talks and getting off the treadmill he actually tells you I don’t think you would be marrying and just walks to the weights section and you actually stop the treadmill and turn around and he turns back and smiles again and heads to the weights section…….

Like that day going back home wondering what it was even about your back then dad forcing you literally to get married with that guy and it was all set and there he was that confidently actually tells you that the very first time he actually talks to you…

HIM!!!!!!!

 Ahhhhhhhh HIMMMM!!!!!!!

Messiest hair straightest face possible never looking up always on his own in that one corner of the gym with his headphones on always……

His usual habit of putting his phone away on that one counter like thing where most of the trainers used to stand u clearly remember this cause that main counter used to be exactly opposite to that one leg sitting machine you mostly used to use for the legs and hips…

And he would always come walking that tile walk towards that counter and check his phone and give that one look at you it was only after does he share it with you that his phone never rang he just used to do that often just so that he could catch that one stare with you as you were the closest to that counter table…

To that moment doing your own version of arm workouts like this moment u cleaaaaaarly remember like it was just yesterday…

With your back towards and working on the arms on the bench and you straighten up for a bit and the sound of him excuse me or something it was and you turn and there he was inside feeeeel ailaaaa tile walaaaaaa and he asks you if you were done with the bench for workout and you nod saying a yes and move away and look around there were many benches that were very empty as back then nobody used to use these benches for workouts as it was mostly for an workout or arm workout which back then nobody really did…

And the way he calls you out again must have been excuse me only and tells you that’s wrong what you were doing for the arms and shows you the right way and that moment that feeeeeeeeeeeeel just living him away again not making any sense of the workout he was showing you just stand there living him away his hair moving as he shows you the workout and in between he looks up looks you in the eye and gives you the bench again………and you thank him or something and still wondering of all the benches there, he chose yours…

THIS joy!!!!!

 There’s absooooolutely nothing else in the world that brings you the kindaaaaaaa joy this one month does…

It’s like you are running walking swimming floating sometimes through each day of the October…

Just reliving every detail that you possibly remember of this month back in 2009 the Himcoming in your life and HOWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

You’ve never been the same again, THANKFULLY!!!!!

Younger wild free from any responsibility what so ever and then love just like that walks into your life a love you had no idea what so ever weren’t prepared for least expected it after all that day dreaming over Shahrukh’s movies of perfect love perfect romance there you were settling for something you had no clue bout and out of nowhere this main character walks into your life and HOW!!!!!!

U standing there him doing his thing being his absolute adoooorable best walking into the gym opening the glass door and walks over the tiles oje after the other and you just stand there living that one of the most bwauuuuuutiful things you’d ever seen living him away and that moment when he comes closest looks up at you raising his eyebrow showing you the tile you were standing on and you just move slightly and he almost ALMOST smiles and continues to walk and you still standing looking at him and he turns around knowing just knowing for sure you still must be standing there living him and that’s when you realise he had you standing there watching him the first guy ever in your life that made you stare like hold all of you still stand there and live that adooooorableness of him…and that was the moment not just something shifted in you it’ was EVERYHING!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa kittuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaiiiiyoooooooo whattttteeeeeee kitttuuuuu miyaaaaaaa I swear!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Kabhi aisaaa to relive him from a moment at opera his Dd space specially on a day like today if you see……like something that important at work with fabric lot you forgot which did cause that big of a mess today and to remember the exact visual of him sitting on his bed with his red blanket and in his small chaddis excited for you to start speaking in telgu this clear even after all these years………like kittttaaaaaaa you must loooooved to live him in those moments to remember it this clear visually too to relive now….

And of all the people you are most forgetful of things on a daily basis and then there’s that beauuuuuuty of him from a moemnt or that call today from the other model friend saying she was at prashasan nagar and if you are around to meet up for coffee something to once there she gets the dabba of sandwich sweet again his fav most sweet in what you think is his fav galli from back then……and the kind of loooove you have for that one galli today is something else only…everytime when there that one feeeeel of him not just in your mind like one strong vibe of that place that pulls you closer to all things him…like sometimes you ask the driver to stop by on the slope kinda turning for a bit just to relive him there asking you to get down and holding your hand over the concrete slabs as you used to wear high heels back then…and showing you the view from there!!!!!!! That one face of him everytime when there knowing it must be to do with the girl before in his life but the waaaaaay it always used to make you that happy away that he was sharing that too with you…

Something’s you write and relive now and it still strangely makes you smile away at his adooooorabke mind I swear!!!!!!!

That one human I swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heart of your life…!

Moments!!!!

 It was the most hectic shoot you’d ever worked on with the things getting more difficult to manage because one model overall behaviour like from professional to what all it got…..and it’s that thing bout finding your that one spot of calm be it in place person or something that immediately switches shifts something in you like no other…and that to you has always been his music it’s your way of finding that bit of him tabhiiii k tabhi no matter where you are or what you are doing or dealing with…

The skin was literally on fire with the harsh sun plus the things and to find that one moment of playing his music and the waaaaaaaaay it all becomes him that beauuutifully…with rushes of him in those different corners asking him dumb stupid question of temple pillars from yadgirguta back then……and somebody was pasting glue on the flooring of the set and after one change you notice the entire flooring was being pasted with something and you ask the guy in your telgu adhi ok na and the guy says ya ya ok and you try to show and explain with your hands bout it sticking to the outfit if the model stands there because of the dupatas……and u say something in telgu don’t remember and everybody starts to laugh at you including the set guy and that one heightened level of embarrassment and you take a min off to literalllly disappear for a moment acting like over the call……and there he was again at his Dd space soon as you enter his room place your bag on the floor and he adoooooorabky folds his leg up and asks you chal bataaa kitnaaa telgu seekhi tu talk to me in telgu today…..and you say something in telgu and that adoooooooooooorable chuckle of his saying baigan seekhi……and you still go on telling something in telgu and he holds you from back saying hau hau keep up as it is…..

That one moemnt has always been your something when you struggle even at store to communicate with some client that you have to attend and speak in telgu and they laugh or something like this moment recall is your peace it’s the waaaaaaaay it just makes you happy somehow…..like literally takes over all of you in an instance and howeeeeee just that visual of him taking his one leg up in his chaddi getting all comfy to listen to you speak in telgu……

Something’s!!!!!

 That one sense of him something can never grow used to the waaaaaay it always still amazes you just that simple power and beauty of someone’s presence can have on you isnt that amazing!!!!!

Like to think of it in his absence to feeeeel his presence that way like mine back watching this animated movie you were literaaaally snuggling away like you are holding him sleeping over his chest and then to actually be able to smell the scent of him feeeel the sound of his heart beat…..

Beautiful magic I say!!!!!

Be it this sound now or even on the shoot day at studio…..like it was the first time with that many people on board including the jeweller team and the non stop flirting of one model with those guys or any guy the set guy including your driver too causing too much nuisance and you still doing your best under the sun getting toasted with the photographer watching it all and you right in the middle of it all ask the driver to bring along the earpod and plug in his music…

And suddenly just like one scene out of a movie straight out of the movie it becomes al chilled out like the weather above the everything happening around the chaos having to finish 14 outfits in 5 hours including video and stills and plus teaching forcing the photograph to move along with the camera literally setting the angles too and everything on one side and then there’s that feeeeeeeeel of him with his sound of music…

And you come back out of it as a different person altogether and get back with the shoot smiling away under the sun…where at one point she trying to make all the guys laugh over something or the other says the director is finally back in action again……and that feeeeeeeel of him again where him teaching you what edit means and direction means and you lost in him telling you things away……and that one nod as you were nodding away understanding understanding Karke where as you couldn’t understand a thing but just living that beauuuuuuuty of him away as you were waiting outside for his sister to finish her exam…and him teaching you things bout editing and direction…and then finally adds someday you will either on set with me or you watching a set at work..

And that day realising it’s not easy handling this small amount of team working imagine him on set handling that many people and making them to work as per the schedule on hand not easy definitely wasn’t for you!!!!!!!

THE sound…

 Sleeping to that feeeeeeeeeeel of him as you just lay him highddddd and that feeeel of him the sound of his heart beats and you pass out waking up finding this random mix chillplay list and you play this one song and that instant feeeeeeeel of having heard it with him at opera…….like for sure instant gut feeeeel like you’ve lived him to the sound loooooved him with the sound….like that strong feeeeel of having lived him to the beat and check the info below the video and it was released in 2009…

Not sure if it def was but this strong feeeeeel of having lived him at opera with this exact sound…

Even writing it now closing your eyes for a bit and there he is right there just bout him to come over to your side of the car leaning over you almost and he takes that one moment to live you capture that one moment in his mind just before fullybcoming over to your side…looks you in the eye does that one nod of his smiiiiiles away and then finally leans over…

Some moments some visuals to this one sound now!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS THIS very state of you right now!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooooo in love...!

 How can you possibly be soooooooo in looooooove even in his absence of years too that you just couldn't stop smiling with his sleeeeeepy sexyyyyy face rushing through you all day long!!!!!!!!

Like the second you come home pour a glass of wine without Ur changing and stuff play his music and just be living this morning high app over again!!!!!!!

Like how much looooooooooveis toooooomuch love to kiss someone lkkeghis!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa when the missbecomed the kiss!!!!!!!!

His lips from this morning his eyes from this morning his sleeeeeepy adooooooooooorabke face from this morning like the perrrrrrfwxt breakfast in bed kinda eat him up moment I say!!!!!!!

When you looooove a face a bit too much that you almost wanna eaaaaat away I say!!!!!!!!

And nowwwwww you are this all the morerrrrrr roaaaaarer high on him.and howwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Like you take the before and after moments before getting moorer high on him.and after roaaaaarer high on him!!!!!!!

Some.nigjts like theseeeeeeayyyyaaaaa mind body and soul doing this soul dance away cause that's the level of missing right right now noewwwe!!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!!!

 There’s nothing more beautiful than waking up to this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him when he comes like this!!!!!!!

That one gorgeous gorgeousnesssssssss of him when he comes tooo sleepy looking his messy beauuuuuutiful best just like back then…….ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT looooooove for his sleeeepy eyes the waaaaaaay he looks that sexy and at the same time childlike there’s that beautiful blend of ooooh sooo sexyyyyy and ayyyaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaa cutiepieee he is kinda viiiiibe!!!!!!!

And of al the things the THE black shirt on him!!!!!!

Can’t get enough ENOUGH of him in that shirt!!!!!!

Work stuff coming later day getting hectic coming home usual standard routine of your moemnts with all things Him…….and falling asleep there itself with tv still on and at some point just waking up for a sec to turn it off music still playing and you turn or something and that scent of him and that sounddddddddd of him that same sleeeeep sound trying to push you on the couch making space for himself wit your back towards him and you try to turn towards him and he doesn’t let you by locking you with all him and the waaaaaaaaaaaay he holds you and then pulls you closer to him……and you still try gently he doesn’t and that one time you hold his arm and turn to see ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one visual HEART OF YOUR LIFE forever I say!!!!!!!!

His eyes shut smiiiiile on him that one smiiiiiiiiiiile on him shirt almost al open his face his daaaaaadi his that one smiiile just knowing how HOWWWWEEEEEEEEE happy it just made you to see him and you slowly call him howleee cutieeee and that second he opens his eyes and that rush in him that sudden transformation of his from wanting to sleep to that change in him the waaaaay he just looks you in the eye and holds you again…….some moemnts naiiiiiiii even as you write now!!!!!!!!

It’s that THAT MUCH him in that moment from that moment to moment it’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of smelling al him sensing all him mind that FULLLLL OF HIM!!!!!!!!

Like your arms your hands all of you top to toe the senses smell taste eyes sound of him like that beauuuuuutofully laced with all things just HIM!!!!!!!

To the first thing on your phone notification from the wanderer that you strongly feeel is him, likes his birthday post from last year and some other picture…that feeeeeeeeel nai today as you are up all mixed together!!!!!!!

It’s when the outside sound visual senses don’t work inside you like your mind goes blur to it all even when you wake up come out of the room you were that fullll of him like you could still feeel it in your arms and chest that feeeeeeeeel of being held by him that THAT way, something’s you write and now this feeeeeeel!!!!

Had to wanted to feel him more cause again wasn’t enough!!!!!!

And every single time every single time I swear to feeeeeeeel his touch that sense of him over and around you in your waking state this way as you move drives you more mad somehow!!!!!!!

It’s like all those missing a different versions of missing him in zillion ways possible gets all multiplied godzilluon times more!!!!!!!!

This neeeeeed to live him this way for real some day!!!!!!!!!

And this one sound that you’ve been trippin on lately cause it immediately lands you in the stadium place with the sound……again the place that has witnessed allowed you to witness different versions of him each one only made you loooooove him more live him more!!!!!!

It was your mini opera space or hideout kinda thing !!!!!!

Like the start of it all literaaaaally!!!!!!!!

This state of mind this morning this state of you this morning like you can still feeeel it over your arms and over that one feeeeeeeeeeel of him……..

In some movement too today that strong hold of his over the neck ditto how he used to back then how stil now in your waking state don’t know something’s beyoooond logics I swear!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!