HIM!!!!!

 Him the place like it's from that first chummi place just that feeeeel of him all of him from the sec of waking up and this you today transformed away!!!!!

Work tomo is def not going to be easy mind you just this beauuuutifully has become all Him....

Not sure if misseeeing this much misseeeimg can make you feel things like these too when you see him standing with his hands folded that one feeeel that one touch to just touch him to hold him away just by seeing his hands aaaj alag lagra charlie bhot bhot time baad aisa lagra it's nust different very beautifully different.....

Theres no rush of missing just this calm missimg but storm like missimg and yet calm not sure what but just feels different.....

Just seeing his hands to just touch him hold him awaay!!!!!!!

Mornings!!!!!!

 His daaadi his hair his smile that one stare smthing bout the morning today actially pretty noon late that sec you see him like he'd put up the story just a minute ago and how did you even land there is smthing can never make sense of all the days today in that very moment that strong missing to see to live him and he was there and HHOWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

live him for a bit and get off and that one moment as you change the side you actually felt him or it was the him high tjat you already were by then or his music but in that moment you can felt him come face close to you and you touched him felt his face felt his daaaadi and that same thing like back then from Bangalore go close and smell his cheek n daaadi away still holding his face and as you do ayyyaaaaaa that one smileeee as his cheek moves and you move back to see him smile and wake up again......in that moment even after waking up like always you could still smell him.....

This was smthing that has never NEVER happened before....cause he was that real lile actually there same hairdo same him like that face close to you you actually touched him felt him felt his daaadi did smell his daadi like that real!!!!!!

After a moment like that one you were just lost the most beautifully worse kinda lost it was today!!!!!

It was a different moment can't call it a dream for this time cause it was that real....

This one song you really love frm his maroon 5 Sunday morning n the line goes fingers trace your every outline and exactly what and how you feel n live him on whatsapp over his pic and in dreams, fingers trace his every outline......

Mind that beauuuutifully high on him still is as you keep living him every now n then it just feeeels this beautiful charlie.....pata nai why it's lile you are back in time....

As mad ass crazy as this sounds it just does feel that way!!!!!!

Donno why or how, just is the way it is!!!!!

Him that beaaaaaautifullly handsome I say!!!!!

SOOOOO BEAUUUUTIFUL!!!!!!!!

Fingers trace your outline...

 It's that moment when you see his pictures of some outing with his friends one overlooking some lake kinda place by his face that one khushi on his face the way the place behind looks like one painting but it's him charlie.....ayyaaaaa that one HIM!!!!

Back then when you did teach for that lilst while kids in every class but there's always that one kid that will be different from the rest and Him that one kid in the world different from the rest....he is just that beauuuutifully different!!!!!

Everybody else posing and him that adoooorably sitting away with his legs dipped in the water.... To even the whole vibe of his just the way he is just different very very beautifully different....right from that very start it was that thing bout him tjat different walk of his that pulled you to him that made you wanna look at him and stay that way lile you never did before in life.....just be there watchjng that guy that day....just stayed that way like wthcing him walking just walking and yet feeling that beautiful smthing for the first time...that made you wanna see somebody and just stay there watchjng Him...

To that other pic when he is just standing with others but that one stare that one look of his nd like always you don't you can't see the rest around all blurred faces just Him and just the way he looks in that.....some visuals nai charlie it's like a real time flashback like you are living a moment from back then but seeing it right there in the present if that even makes sense ayyaaaaa but that one pic that one him it's the same him messy long hair full grown beautiof his daaadi and him just standing there in the lift looking up at you with that one smileeeeee in that pic he was just there.....like right there !!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa the more you relive that moment that one stare of his this feeeeeeeling now !!!!!!!!!

Happiest Youday!!!!

 It was a day when you've been this THIS happy in the longest of times cause it was a beautiful day of misseeing a different kind of missing....

And when in moments like these reliving that feeeel that vibe of today of his pictore today and he comes online now a moment lived.... smthings again beyond logic it's like a moment shared a misseeing shared....

Am telling you charlie ineee pooora ka poooora howliiii bana diyaaa!!!!

When even the gin today tasted the sweeeeteat ever!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaa this state of mind selfiee tho bantaaa for a day like this one...his hair his blue!!!!!

 

 

Sunday,Youday morning...

 It was one of the most MOST beauuuuuutiful mornings in the recent times....

There's that thing charlie bout sudden moments like these like once you are through with that moment all through the day that one thought how HOW!!!!!!

Slept pretty late work his music half a movie and crashed on the couch itself and that one moment when your mom wakes u up asking u to move to your room still sleepy head to the room moving side to side and that one restless feel play his music on and fataaaak se that very sec ayyaaaa that feeeeeel of him every single time and you fall asleep.....

To this changing side and that strong STRONG rush of misseeing and usually when this hits you first get on whatsapp now that u can to live him today it was his instagram and that very sec that beloved red circle I say and that same hope his pic his pic his pic and IT WASSSSSS and howwwwwww!!!!!

Some miseeeings you can deal maybe but there are some miseeeings like the one today you just couldn't deal with or get over with ....like yiy sort of want to dwell feel that sway off n away with that misseeing like you know walk away on that cloud of misseeing and just be that way lile soak it all up n awaaaay... couldnt eat work nap watch nothing at all it was a Youday of all n moreee just that beauuuutifully all HIM!!!!!!

Cause now with his long hair do every single time you see him that way it's like that same him from back then.....and makes you lose your mind lose all of you awaaaay n howwwww like you are just not the you that youve been all this while...staying strong trying ro be strong holding back your mind like it's all that beauuuutifully slipping away setting you free this beautifully!

Today of all the days that one pic of his was lile him standing right there looking through you again from the lift that same beauuuutiful sparkle in his eyes....was high or not not sure but just that one stare and one same feeeeeeeling of being drawn awaaaay to him like losing sense of anything anyone around n just being drawn awaaay n towards him just by the way he looks in that one pic that one stare that one smthing.....not sure if it's just the misseeing or with this pic you finally lost it !!!!!

Ayaaaaaaaa charlieeeeee today was just smthing else SMTHING else !!!!!!!

Just that beauuuutifully smthing else man!

HIM- POORA KA POORA HEART!!!!!!

 Ayyaaaaàaaaaaaaaaaaaaa charlieeee this fellow mera pooora ka poooooora heart I say!!!!

Heart this that anything everything!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa when he comes likes this pooora ka poooooora mera heart!!!!!

Right from the very start Him the heart !!!!!

The only heart!!!!!!

Mind tired this sleepy and yet this beauuuutifully high on him yet another one of those tracks that u missed sharing it with him.....heading back home passing by his pizza hut where just by your face knew you ate nothing just by knowing your love for him madness for him knew cause you were protesting against your mom....just by your face knew pizzaa would make you happy....ayyaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaay him the only one that knew you THAT welll....every single time you pass by the place that rush of him of those moments of that love for his for you!!!!!

That very moment he comes online ayyyaaaaaaaaa song on repeat and that need to live him and the waaaay he is there !!!!!!

Some moments can fill you up with that sudden inexplicable amount of happiness that's beyond logic !!!!!!

Just pure heights of khushi !!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeee tummmm aur bhiiii zoooor zooooooooooor seeee yaaad areeewe miyaaaaa!!!!!!!

series of co incidences...

 His yellow his hair style his same to same almost track jacket....

This one conversation with him back then when out somewhere and you too come out of the washroom setting your hair his way with water like on the front part of the hair and that one adooooooooorableeee chuckle and then nods away that beauuuutifully copy karti merku.... from that to folding the sleeve away and never wearing it as is and the way it used to make him that happy watching you copy his lils of things and the waaaay he would fataaak se notixe the change the details his details on you....

That also was one of those most loved things you loved doing living his details n copying him in a way again becoming Him...

HIM - BEAUUUUTIFUL!!!!!

 That thing bout lilst of things to feel you matter in some way any way !!!!!

It was that lilst khushi of a moment which also was the main reason why you did start to post those stories dor the first time cause now for the first time in some way you had that sense of being able to share things with Him that you all this while that bad struggled to.....

Also it's these things that mattered to you that you wanted to share never could with him....that moment weeks back when you see him see your story was a lil thing of your life in a way shared with him finally....

To the recent ones and then realise he doesn't even check em anymore.... smthings nai smthings only!!!!

To this day today when it started off on that beauuuuuuuuuutiful note of waking upto him n with him....that same beauuuutiful sense of his presence still there even after waking up.... to when your friend mentions bout the date of her wedding 6 months from now...

Waking up from His side of life to the real side of life...

Hectic day planning on things and in the middle of runnibt around for fabrics pots designs that one moment of looking for some design on insta and that need to see him first and ayaaa that red circle now is like your life yiyr moment of khushi with that one loud wish screaming in you hope it's a pic of his hope it's a pic of his and there was Him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuutiful that same old habit of his posing for pictures tucking the upper lip away back then it used to be when standing beside you looking at you in the mirror that same face tucking away the upper lip with that lil adooooorable smile as he does that face and then just lives that moment with you...

Some habits some faces some expressions of his ayyyaaaa!!!!!!

Its in moments like these that one feeeeeeeeeeel charlie, he hasn't changed a bit...

The way he looks that THAT adoooorably beautiful same long hair look of his that one beauty of a flashback every single time now you see his long hair look standing in the lift back from Bangalore long hair full beauuuuty of the daaaadi howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Blue track jacket with blue hair tie too ayyyaaaa day made evening made life made I sayyyy that beauuuuuuuuuutiful!!!!!

To when you see yourself and realise almost same to same track jacket in his yellow....where almost anything to everything you see in yellow you ought to have it!!!!!

Bag earplugs now the recent one being track jacket....

Co incidentally twinning !!!!!

Lilst moments of plain khushi and that much magic...

That one strong missing in that moment and that very moment you get to see Him!!!!!

Smthings beyond logics absolutely ridiculously beyond logic...

 

Come soo far...

 .                               Visuals!!

 

Come so far...

 Longest day just bout heading back home now.... And you look through the pics taken for the final studio set up trying to set it right section wise and some visuals that one word that one thought that one feel come soo far....

Working on the interiors before shoot and planning the men's wear launch shoot that one feeeel charlie as you were finalizing few designs today another one of those wishes to make something for him being the first thing when designing for men's wear...

Today in the meet that one lost state of mind cause you alone know what that one wish meant to you...to make something for Him !!

Like there have been kurtas done for him but this being proper men's wear launch first time......something's!!!!!!!!

To lilst of moments of magic through the day and now this high on him sleepy state of mind with his music playing......some days when you miss him much much more than you did yesterday...

HIM!!!!!!!

 If there is just that one n only thing in the world that can make you the happiest like nothing or no one possibly can, it's anything to everything to do with Him...

Even the slightest thing I say!!!!

That level of khushi that you experience with anything to do with him is beyond words of the world I say!!!!!!! 

That moment when you just go to live his voice note instead with no pic of his, that very moment he puts his dp back it was the same one only this time a lil closer but that khushi I say charliee ayyyaaaaaaaaàaaaaa that one lilst moment of khushi YOUR POORA KA POORA world I say!!!!!

To just live him that one feeeeeeeling it always used to fill you up with to just live his lilst of details eveye sec of it you could never get used and everytine making you want to live him a bit more the next time....

Now with time living him on WhatsApp replaced his absence ayyaaaa but this too cpuld never get used to.....

On your way back home living his places living him, some moments that THAT beautiful...your way of filling up for his absence it's like he is with you....

Madness pure misseeeing level of madness I say!!!!!;

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa this khushi to just see him again !!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tumkuuu kyaaaaaaaaa malooooom how only you are being missed I say!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa sooooo blooody adooooorable beauuuutiful!!!!!!!!!

DAMN!!!!

 Mornings like these!!!!!!

This thing bout being held by him everytime like this even be it in the dream he sahi ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS feeeeeeeeeeling it leaves you with.....

Apart from the other moments today too that one moment when he holds you awaaay it's that beauuuutifully real like he axtially was there like he actually held you for real!!!!!

Like actual mein!!!!!!

To that moment when you wake up with that sudden sound and that need to see him tabhi k tabhi and then realise about the block to sometime back now wehn you realise it's not the block but he took off his dp only....

Ayyaaaaaaaaa ektho mushkil seee ab jaaaake saal baad you were living that lilst moment of khushi through your day to just see him live him no matter what you are doing or where you are....to just live him in moments and places of his....

And then he takes it off, ayyyaaaaaaaaaa kyaaa thooo bhi kyuuuu thoo bhii tree razaaakh miyaaaaaa I sayyy!!!!!!!!!!

How nowwww!!!!!!!!

That blankness back!!!!!! 

AGAIN!!!!!!

 Something's you'll never understand, where or how did you go wrong!!!!

Just when you were getting used to atleast seeing him living him atleast that way, the block again!!!!!!!

Why you!!!!!!!!!!

Kabi bhot baar lagtaa aisaa  bhi kya kari tabhi ya abhi!!!!!

Just when you were finding that lilst moment of peace n khushi through the day

HIM!!!!!

 When you've felt smthng that real REAL everything else feels unreal or like it lacks smthing that can fill you up or make you feel complete...

For you that Him that love of his that presence of his did become that in your life...

Everything else that incomplete like it lacks smthing like it can't make you come alive fill you up with that smthing that his presence did, could, still does even be it for that sec of seeing him online for a sec is a presence lived....

Cause that's how you fill up whole lotta misseeeeeeing fill it up with as n when you can with anything that you possibly can, any form of his presence filling up for his absence..

Maybe that's also what real love does to you, makes you more real...

Sorts you out, making you realize your priorities in life...

Sorts you out basically!!

Reliving him from back then in that moment of him looking his best adooooorable high self where you did sens3 the change but couldn't make sense of what it was , cause you obvsly didn't know bour the signs of psy beedi high !!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa THAT ADOOOOORABLE I SAY !!!!!!!!!

HOWLEEEEEEEEEEEE tummm ab aur bhiiii zoooorseeeeeeee yaaad aare miyaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!;

First coffee...

 Today as you live that moment with ur manager that one feeeeel it left you with....

Back to the first time when he asked insisted you to come out with him be it neeche wale coffee ke liye....

Only after he did tell you in detail bout that day...

How as days went by that quick he wanted to make the best n spend as much time as he could with you...

Just the night before he had been talking bout you to his friend preetham....and they did drink all night or smthing and with his suggestion gets psy beedi high and actually comes out to meet you at the gym....like he had to ask you that was smthinf his friend insisted he did....

Thinking of it smtimes he was that beauuuutifully high and yet actually managed ro come down all the way to the gym to see you....

Ayyyaaaaa love I say!!!!! Time !!!!!!!;

That day he sure looked that beauuuutifully different shy high smiling waaaay too much too adoooorably kept coming a lil more closer to you even with people around which he never did before....

Like all he did was just be around like he was just waiting to say smthinf the way he kept talking yaah waha ka stuff and just kept getting closer with you on treadmill the way first time kept turning it off just so you don't get busy with working out..n one time when u finally ask him what was on his mind the way the waaaaay he just asks you to get off n sit with him....

Do as said sit with him on the floor or smthing and then wait cause he looked that adooooooooooooooooooooorable charliee like that cuteeeely lost waiting to say smthinf but couldn't....

And suddenly starts to push your feet away with his white shoe wale feet....that was the first time he did smthing like that and you just move your leg away and then comes closer n does it again looks u in the eye and asks you out for coffee....

Tell him how you couldn't go out anywhere and had to head back home as it was late already n yet insists keeps repeating the same thing this time that much more adorably pls come no....

Just down stairs for coffee just come....

His face the waaay he just looked that adooooooooooooooooooooorable lost kid face of his it was that day the first time you wanted to hold his face but in a more kid way kid affection kind....cause that's how adooooorable he looked behaved....

It was different charlie even when kept getting closer to you it was in the most beautiful of ways it wasn't in like gettinf physical cause high kind it was more like I just want to be close to you...

It was different.....

Beautiful!!!!!!

That day from that day those lil seedi wale coffee dates with him post gym living him loving his presence feeeeling the world people disappear around him....

The start of it all.....

He got high to ask you out ayyyaaaaaaa suchaaaaaa cutieeeeeee I say!!!!!!

The second person prolly after his mom that you can't thank enough was his friend.....

It was that looove of his charlie to share things bout you with you, to share things bout those initial days how he felt and who he shared it with like tojust live his face light up talking bout you with you....

Was smthing else !!!!!!

It's in moments like those you did start to feel lucky how lucky you truly did get having found Him...

For having been loved by Him...!

Him...

 Some days nai this beauty they become....

This re realisation of things you already knew....

Today it was this meet with the photographer for the shoot that you plan for the upcoming collection....

Was busy with another shoot so you wait outside on the stairs n as usual earplugs in everything away and just that much closer to all Him.....

Finally your manager arrives and the first thing she comments bout is your hair as she sees you this way today for the first time and calls it hippie bun :D

Ever since having seen his new hair do of hippie messy bun with his long hair on his birthday you've been doijg the same his way....your hair his way messy half top bun....

The sec she calls it that that feeeeeel i say your boyfriend is a hippie and he adores you! His tshirt for you!

Some words and the way waaaaay the echo of those words can make you feel , lost in and after that moment as she keeps talking smthing but you thankgod for the wireless thing seeml3ssly hides away under your hair.....that beauuuutifully lost in all him....

To that moment when she starts to stare back inro your eyes that one sec again all you could see was him looking right into you.....like her face becomes Him from that vwey same moment as she talks bour how brown your eyes looked under direct sunlight all you could feeeeeel seee live was him in that very moment sitting that close to you....

Some moments it's just magic.... to the way how she commebts bout how you zone out ekdummm se like there's some switch in you suddenly you just slip awaay....

Exactly what and how it feels like on the inside like ekdum seee smthing moves shifts inside you and you are just that beauuuutifully lost in all things Him....

Just like that !!!!!

When somebody starts talking bout it was vijay devekronds shoot....and the waaay your manager literally gets off n runs towards the office and you just be there her asking you if you knew who he was n all as you werent getting off and you just stay she leaves....

Filmy people filmy environment and those adorable words of his as much as I love this line I'll always want to keep you away from it....

U somehow don't really like the surrounding it just doesn't vibe !!!!!

And when it comes to men or the rush or the madness fanning anythung on the lines of the same it starts and ends with him....

Again not intentionally bas nai hotaa whoo wowwww that guy wowwww vijay kinda thing.....aur woich him boletoooo ayyyaaaaa bas that thought of him anything to do with him, another story I say!!!!!

Like pooora ka pooora diff level of it I say !!!!!!

To finally when the team comes out with the photographer still there vijay comes out with bodyguard n staff and the photographer tries to walk upto you to introduce or talk or smthing and you look away with same phone call thing....

They leave photographer stays and first question you do know who that man was right....skip away the topic schedule the dates for the shoot plan the stuff and head back to the studio....

Some moments and that feeeeling how smthungs bas andaar se nai hotaaa.....

Like it just doesn't happen....

And with Him ever since the very first time you saw Him ayyyaaaaaaaa the way even without looking up at you he just held you away and howwwww!!!!!

U could't move you dint wanna move....

Not even a bit, to just live him....

Ayyyaaaaaaa some moments and no matter how many zillion times you recall relive this feeeeeeeling it fills you up everytime.....

HIM!!!!!!!!!

That first change of heartbeat seeing him that first sense of smthng in you that just didn't wanna look away that feeeeling of being held away from a distance....

HIM!!!!!!!

Right from the very start...!

This heart I say!!!!!

 How why what and yet howwwwwww like this is smthing bas kabi samaj ki ata malooooom!!!!!

Like bas howwwwwww!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaa that THAT much misseeeeeeing kal shaaam poora itttiiiii zorseeee ki you just dint know what to do bout it....

It was one of those restless troubled nites.....kaiseee kaikuuu samaj ki aya like missing him is a way of life now for you but whoo hota ni charlie some days it just gets that TJAT much more worse than the rest....ki bas photuuu mein ghuskeeeee ghabaaakk bolkeee khaaajaaanaaaa bas that's it.....that kinda missing last nite ki you just couldn't sleep even for one hour 2-3 walks ho gayee maloom in that 7 hour sleep struggle.... cause this time of the u3at eveey single year nites feel the most beauuuuuutiful cause you can smell that love of his from back then for you every single year this time around....

Some moments times in your life are etched in you forever, Him every single sec with him was that for you....for life!!

TO this morning when you finally get that one hour of sleep and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he just comes and holds you awaay ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaajust like he used to back then pooora ka poooora hold you awaaaaay and then stay before chummi just living that moment that one wait of yours for his chummi lik3 you move try to move just so you could chummi but he wouldn't let you still holding you closer even as you try to move to chummi.....

Smthungs you write now and this feeeeeeeeeeling I say where to where only again it went!!!!!!

Smthings nai!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee geeeeliest chummi lag jaaaaaaaaaaaaanaaa abiii k abiiiiiiiii I say!!!!!!

Yellow...

 First wireless headset, all yellow, life made I say....

Waking upto a Him like that one, visuals, senses, nose !!!!!!

Mornings like these...

A missing like this one too!

 On your way back home and this beauty of some habits, for no reason just looking around in that same search of Him...

With that hope kahi thoo dikh jaye....

It's thia routine now with his music playing mind on that missing high mode as usual and that same search of him around....

Just bout close to his fav cofffee place back then on the other side looking for that black vento of his and this one with someone daadi on and that one feeeeel of same heart in your mouth almost for that sec thinking it's him that slow move of ur car cause of the jam and the guy turns and ita not him...

But that one feeeeeeeeeeel that moment left you with...

Strange nai charlie it's not even like ull get to hold him touch him chummi him away in that moment and yet that wait that one search for him.....kahi thoo dikh jaye to just see him...

That one sudden overload of misseeing that one moment left you with...

That one sec of sudden khushi when you thought it's Him.....was smthing else!!

Get on whatsapp to live him for a bit smthings charlie, just that one face in the crowd just that one face in the world for you...

Just Him!

Change, changed...

 Walking around tge apartment this beautiful chill in the air post diwali most loved time of the year, sound of the crackers this beauuuutiful feel of nostalgia....

It's living momenrs like these you feel that pull of time travel similar time and yet it was all that beauuuutifully different....

Looking back this sudden ting of a realisation when you realise you sure have changed, nothing's xhanged and yet that sudden realisation that sure have changed...same you back then would've messaged wished him instead...

You couldn't this time just couldn't fear not sure what it was couldn't....

Times change so do people....

To this feel now when you thought you sure have grown stronger with time, n realise today you still haven't......

Need to be much much stronger than you thought you were...

 

MOMEBTS!!!!!

 Moments like yheseee ayyaaaaa this state of mossseeeinf him happpaay him high mind and there he is ayyyaaaa n that struggle when you been wanting to put up the his bluuuu pic of yours drm today but just that bur scared tooo cos you don't wanna lose this feeeeeel I say!!!!

What of he vanishes away phir see chalieeee whoo hotaaa ni not taking any chances wali feeeling cause u deffddd don't duckinf wanaaa lose this feeeel again!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaa jsut living him awaay anytime hours lile these most importantly today living him today is making u this fuckimmm happppaaay I say;!!!!!!

Him that one adooooooooorableeee big beauuuutiful lil squisshhhyyy thing I sayyyy ayyyaaaaa iskuuuuu fotuuu mein ghuskeeeee khaaajaaanaaaaaaaà yummmm yummmmm bolkeeeeeee!!!!!

Soooooo beauuuuuuuuuutifully calm n adooooorableeee this happpppy smile it puts on u.....this feeeeeling everytine u seee him!!!!!

Haaaapppayyy diwaliii!!!!!!

 Gin tinggggg lingggg!!!!! Haaappppaaaaayyyy diwali charlieeeeee!!!!

This been the best one ever since Him I sayyyy.....

U get ro live him nowwww and this often noww as n when hou miss himm.....

Today it was his blueeee you all his bluuuu I say it's this state of mind chalieeeeeee this diwali when you can just seeee him live him n it all feeels like back then don't even know how or whhhyy....just feeels like it...

Dhanteras in his navy blueee n diiwakii in his yellowww I say....one of those crazy assa things just to filll in a lil more of him this diwali....causee u are jsut that happppy just happppy cause u are where you wannaaa beeeee.....

Living him just as n wejn u miss him ekdum seee knowin u can nowww....ayyyaaaa smthings o sayyy u can't h

Jsut get used too?!!!!!!

Cos that's howww bad u missed ir!!!!!!!!

That baaaad!!!!!!!

Mornings...

 Mornings like these ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

To just wake up to that feeeeeeeel of him with his smell still all around and then to live him to just be able to live him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa majaani life I say!!!!!!

Still that beauuuutifully high on him with his presence that you could still smell around then in that state of mind to love him on whatsapp!!!!!!!!!

It's in moments like these do you re realise how much you missed these lilst of moments bhi.....how bad!

To when your mom has to go for some neighbour pooja and then to sip away the chai now singing your heart away just living him tumheee bhi kabiii ye sataaaate haiii ayyyaaaaaaa muskuraaakeeee dil kooo churaaaate hai and howwwww!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaa this feeeeel to sing awaaay looking at him dp mein he sahi ayyyaaaa whatttteeeee feeeeeling smthings you just missed that BAD!!!!!!!

Finding moments that still make up for his absence I say are pure joy! 

This heart this you in this moment now...!

Lilst moment of khushi...

 That one lilst moment of khushi just mins back when you see his name on the viewed list of your whatsapp story....

This beauty of smthings again when it also was one of the most wanted things to share with him...that you'd been wanting to for this long now......

Smthings you just can't prolly define using the best of words in the world I say, only you know what it meant to you now finally in a way having sharee with him...

Also the reason why you'd posted it... There was that thing that he definitely wouldn't see it but also that one bit of tiniest hope in some corner but what if he did, cause you just wanted to now that the name n lights were done up too...

When he finally did, screenshot moment I say it was..... 

Lilst moment of khushi out of nowhere......

This beauty of this time of the year...

ALL Him...!

Feeeeeeels!!!!!

 Every single time every single time you pass by his gallis, specially this time of the year this feeeeeling it fills you with.....

The small lake like thing close to his school the exact fart spot memory of his this big smile every single time.....it's like beauuuuuutiful adooooorable versions of his lived and looooveed in and around these corners of his streets...

On your way to get the light stuff and when the driver suggests this route being the closest and that feeeeling charlie also the gallis closest to you I saaaay.....

It's that one biig jump your heart takes inside of you just by the name of it ramanthapur I say.....

Same time around having lived and looooved versions of his around the same streets...

Smthings I tell you, lived for years now and yet every single time you pass them by its like revisiting reliving those beauuuutiful versions of his and his love for you.....

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa this you that you become every time!!!!!!

Missing!!!!!

 U know it in your heart n all of you that you miss someone real bad like REAL BAD BAD kinda BADDDDD!!!!!

But it's in moments like these when the thought of anybody that gets to see em live their presence or even pass em by across the street makes you wanna be em...

Even that random stranger passing em by sharing that same space as em, makes you wanna be that random one too, just so you could see em, live em, share the same space as em......

Started off with lot of work planning studio planning lights planning to get done before diwali and landed up with all n more HIM!!!!!!

That one picture of his, had all of you fly away drift awaaay in all things just HIM!!!!!

Him......

How lucky how truly fuckiiiiing lucky one needs to get to be to just be loved by the one you love...

Sooo yah!!!!

It's that thing charlie you sort tend to do better live better life better when your hearts full of love.....

This diwali felt special cause you already made it special for someone....this thing bout making festivals very materialistic was smthig that sort of always bothered you specially after bhayya when financially it wasn't working out back then.... smthings you write and it just feels that good....makes you feel that bit proud of your own self nai charlie....

So yah it sort of felt materialistic cause the things you couldnt do on festivals, now knowing you are blessed and can today you wanted to do it better for someone else too.....

The house help had been talking bout situations did get worse for her post lockdown n the current scenario and festive time being this busy you couldn't manage it on a working day so you take this Sunday to get few things done for her two daughters to wear on diwali .....

By the end of the day ask her to take it feom your place and that one expression charlie to just see her that happy knowing it was made just for her daughter's in one single days time was priceless.....

Money success getting name of your own having done good for yourself and family is definitely good....come far, but that one expression that one khushi on her face made it all that much more special today...

Nothing like you'd felt before.....

It's this thing charlie bout Love it jsut does smthing that good to you, you change for the better you grow for the better you evolve with time for the better your perception bout not just love but life in general changes...you change for the better!!

U see things you'd never seen before feel things you hadn't felt see life like you'd never experienced before.... regardless of their presence or absence it's just the love you have in you that grows with you and on the way transforms you away...

Today workin at the studio sorting things out with flashes of him rushing through you was a beautiful different feeeeeling...to on your way back watching street lights your most fav thung to trip on with his music playing..

You see him standing right there under your building looking up at you, him in his micro chadddis 5 am almost messy beautiful hair sleepy eyes just bout to head back home nd yet stays there just living your presence missing you in your presence with that street light shining over him and Him looking that much more beauuuutiful!!!!!!

Todays pic his beauuuutofullest daaaadi his long hair just like back then his adooooorable childlike smilee with that lil almost there nose twitch standrad chummmii worthy expression of his, how does one get THAT lucky!!!!!!!!!!!

It was a beautiful Youday in the longest of times...

THE one face!!!!!!

 Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this one face in the world for you ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa soooooo godaaaamn adooooooooooorable!!!!!!!!!

His pictures toooo this beauuuuuuuuuutifully bring out diff diff feels I say each one a diff one this one that he posts with some friend bday one ayyyaaaaaaa fotoo mein ghuskeeeee khaajaaanaaaaa pooora ka pooora!!!!!!

Kinda vibe!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa THIS adoooooooooooorable how I say!!!!!!!!!

A working Sunday and yet this beautyyyyy of a Youday it already did become!!!!!

This mind already now all HIM I say and HOWWWWW!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee You adooooorable lil big beauuuutiful thing how only You wrre missed I say!!!!!!!!!!

SOME days part 3

 To this day today aaj kal the turns in sleeeep I sayy this beautiful....eevey turn aankh khuli and that need to see him for a bit and that one calm it fills you up with...is when you realise and relive the beauty of falling asleep happy the need to sleep happy with a happy heart the beauty of that is smthing else....

To the morning you wake up with that one dream of his some dreams and that same feeeeeeeling when you are sort of coming to terms with just being happy n content with this version of his that you are getting to live after the longestr of times and then he comes like this and that one feeeeeling same ditto feels every time after a dream like that one aisaaaaa kaikuuu aare tummmm.....some feels that badly put on hold and then you live him that waay ayyaaaaaaaa!!!!

Full zoomed in his beauuuutofullest details ayyaaaaaa that one beauty of him that sound of his voice that stare that one smile your pooora ka pooora life n everything in that one existence I say!!!!

Throufh the day mad work at the studio late lunches aaj kal like almost by 5, to the rush at the stores sourcing fabrics to on your way back the worst jam ever and yet that one feeeeeling charlie ayyyaaaaa it's juat LOVE!!!!

U see people around crowd around work around and then you loook at him there's your home that's your one corner that all of you belongs stays in and with.... It's that one beauuuutiful pull to just live him even amidst fittings work discussions just that one moment of sneaking away from itball still sitting there to just see him to live him for a bit no matter what.....it's that one smthinf that level of sukoon it fills you up with like you literally struggle to keep a straight face on and these are the times when you truly thank the mask on for....nobody knows nobody sees it :D

It's just you and Him in that lil moment of yours...

Finally home from a day like this one....and your mom sits with you for dinner cause it was pretty late today by the time you were home and the first thung she asks is would you say yes to smthinf she asks you to do but it wasn't bout interfering bout your way of life but smthinf else....and you just nod and say a yes.... As it was his fav bhindi dry for dinner today almost like seeinf eating him I say !!! Wrong 

Soooo yahhh!!!!

She asks you to fast on Thurs without food and salt too in the evenings and you just look at her to that she adds that she is well aware that you now fast only on shivratris but this one for her and then requests you for the same....and you nod again saying a yes and she goes on bout what not to eat no salt nothing tangy no sweet and no sex....and then that one oops moment when she looks you in the eye and apologises for the same holding you away....

It was the weirdest moment with her ever....cause in that moment strangely she felt bad for you....it was strange but her point of view maybe logical ..  

Its part of life, but for you it's anither one of the most beautiful parts bout Love...

Even be it for a moment lived with him your first n only it's always been him not just for that but anything to everything that comes with Love n life, Him....

It's like you can't see it feel it life it without Him...

Today in that moment tooo the sec she says that that one moment with him!!!!!

Smthings you don't wanna write exactly why you don't wanna write this moment this feeeel !!!!!

Mixed feeels tootally!!!!!

SOME days part 2

 Last two days have been craaaazy wit that work load before festival and this beauuuuuutiful Him high that you are in, mind is in the most beauuuuuutiful state possible....times like these when you realise apart from the zillion things you miss him for and bout him, to just be able to live him whoo bhi sirf dp pe made you this happpaayy....one smile big smile every time now that you live him on whatsapp....

It's a feeeeling beyond words charlie....

Sooo yaahh yesterday just boutbti leave and this nyka order of yours arrives...kajal n few other bits and this one free festive gift that comes along with it - daaadi oil!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaa that one tinggggg bolkeeee khushi runs through you with that first thought for Him...some wishes your heart makes - complete madness....some moments you just donnooo have no control over!!!

From that moment through the day it just felt that beauuuutifully different despite of crazy ass work load plus n manager goof ups....

To on your way back and your mom asks to pick up some veggies on ur way back....and the first thing u enter the store aamlaa :D one big HIM that screams through you and you call up mom and ask her aamla for the pooja like every year and she mentions bout getting em just 2 days before so stay good....

The sound of smthings I swear charlie back then too it was buying it before Diwali where you didn't know where to look for n he takes u along to all the lilst of gallis chatting along walking along except for the supermarket where it would've been the easiest to find....also smthing he tells u shares with u much later on saying he wanted that time with you as much as he could to make you realise his love for you...

Just by the way she says it all those flashes of him walking aeound his gallis with him and the waaaaaay just the waaaaaaaay he was looking at you that day.....ayaaaaaaaaaaa even reliving it now in this very moment THAT much love when you didn't even know!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed very very bad this moment here !!!!!!!!

SOME days!!!!!

 Some days I say !!!!!

But first ayyyaaaaaaa how much more can you like go on with this feeeeeeeeeeling!!!!

Like smthings nai kittaaaaaaaa bhi feeel karlooo every single time ayyyaaaaaa inneeee meraaaa poooora ka pooora heart ye woh sab kuch le gayaaaaa and HOW!!!!!

That one feeeeeling charlie worst jams with the MOST loved festival ahead which again he did transform you away for life... From the one you were most scared of as a kid, n growing up , to the one you most love now!!!!

Cause it's all HIM!!!!!

JUST HIM!!!!!

this feeeeeling charliee jam no matter where you are aaj kal and you see him ayyaaaaa hatnaa dil nai boltaa charlie.....just that one face just that HIM for you for life I say...

His blue...

 Getting ready for work in his blue, some days it feels like you are back in time same year it's just how the day this moment this morning feels like...

Strangely beauuuutiful, magic like....

Like for real back in time kinda vibes....

Waking up with and to him now , mornings this beauty they hold BEYOND words n logics.....

Today feels different, beautiful, magic like...

Just feeeeela different!

Not sure if it was the dream that landed you in this state of mind, his blue shirt on or just the feel in the air, October I tell you.....

This time it felt special in the longest of times, just two days before your second most loved date of life, first being his birthday, he unblocks you...still with that wonder maybe he did still remember!!

Some days I tell you charlie it's just in the air as you breathe.....

Call it magic...!

smthings you just doo...

 This one thing ever since lockdown like with that it did become your routine one movie every week like you make sure to atleast watch one definitely....

Smthings you do just wanna doo...

That echo of his voice from that movie conversation you relived just last week at around 4am watching some movie on ur own and that sound of his voice as you watch....donno how or what that sudden moment was bout but just that same beauuuutiful pull to all and everything him in that moment...

And just like that out of nowhere in that moment you did become all Him......this has happened many a times which is also why you love this alone tme of yours your way of filling up his absence in thise hours of your day nite rather.....

The more you write n relive him again through those moments n places of his this feeeeeeeling it is filling you up with now...

How what why but just the way it's always been...

Moments, flashes!

 It's the waaaay he would suddenly sound charlie like u could sense that in his voice when you tell him you were there and the waaaay his voice changes and asks you to carry on....and you message again if he was free to talk n calls fataak se nd the way keeps checking if you had to hang up and you just lost in him....the more you stayed the waaaaaay that beauuuutiful shift in his voice that khushi of his that u could feel in his voice is like knowing how much you matter to someone it's knwoing how very much you were loved....

That conversation was living him missing you the most he ever had before....and your way of filling up that vibe of being there with him where he wanted the most....

Soooo yaaaahhhhg againn where to where only!!!!

To this bond post of his on insta!!!!

That one immediate flash from holi...

Done playing wearing him top to toe his oversized tee with his noisy gym chaddis....

Him watching a bond flick on bean bag and you on the sofa behind him reading some news paper....

It was that beauuuutiful feeeling charlie lile both of you andar andar waiiiitinf for his sister to go for a bath him watching you with that stare of his and you making sure to divert your mind off him ayyaaaaaaa cause the waaaaaaaaaay he looked that adooooooooooooooooooooorable with messy hair all colroed and still that every bit of yummmmm worthy adoooooorable.....and u try your best to not look at him cause u couldn't keep ur hands off him that one thing to just hold him awaaaay chummmmi him awaaay cause also you were all him top to toe first time....

It was beautiful!!!!!!!

And this one time he starts talking saying asking rather how many holywood movies do you watch and you tell him it's mostly been home alone series only....and the way that one adoooorable chuckle comes and them continue atleast one good movie a week wheecer you get a chance to, promise me you will...

U say a yes....to the way he turns and just looks at you again by the sound of your voice maybe did sense u were living him cause he was again talking bout something he most loved - movies....

And this loooove of yours to live him any n all times but most importantly when he talks bout abythubg he loved .....just to see his face look that bit more beautiful his eyes light up his smell that much more beautiful.....

By your voice knew you were lost in him and the way gives you that one glance top to toe through that hour almost beech beech mein with that one biggest khushiii smile of his it was him living you in his clothes for the first time and the waaaaaay it was making him that happpy....

Where this one time when uncle tells him that you shouldn't have worn his clothes would mean smthinf else when your people see yoy that way at your place and insists on asking his sister to give smthinf but the waaaaaay that adoooorably convinces uncle saying just for a few hours that she would change into her clothes before leaving....

It was nothing that happened and yet it meant the world to you... It's that feeeeeeeeeeel charlie lile u remember even after the moments him doing smthinf over his laptop and u keep going to his mirror just standinf there looking at urself in his clothes.....it was a different level of khushii, u do this many a times that noon....to this one time when you were doing smthinf else and the waaaay he gets off laptop holds your hand takes youbto the mirror again and living you that way still holding you and watching you top to toe with that one look in his eyes this time that looked felt that beautifully different....

A different for the first time...!

Agaaaain where to where only the mind now in this very moment!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeee howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!!!

Ye kya kiyaaa!!!!!!

The only wish...

 Kabi ye chahiye who chahiye big dreams to do that to be that nothing ever.....

The only thing you your heart ever wished for in life was is Him...

And when on days years any pain any hurt the kind of person that would prefer shutting away the eyes to not see the pain or reality or atleast till it gets better inside and instead slide away into your own reality that your sleep n dreams are made of...

Also why u could never really bother getting on WhatsApp post his beauuuutofullest of dreams not wanting to see the reality of it and just live the him that you still woke up with like from mornings like those to now everytine almost u change side with some dream some presence of his his smell his touch and it wakes u up in that very moment to see him and just be living him over ur pillow filling up that absence of his after waking up...

To these moments today his places hardrock whre you lived another one of those most beauuuuuutiful versions of his love for you.....where he did show you what it meant to live a much loved place with someone you loved....maybe that's how n where this loooovee for his places did start from...

Like loving him did eventually become more or less or maybe more only bout becoming Him...with it!!

Today as u got off the car and just stood there reliving his voice over the fone...through those almost 2 hour conversation where it was his way to live you in that very moment to be with you in that very moment cause that bad wanted to take u there and couldn't...

And you just be sitting on the steps corner most not caring bout anybody around where somebody would actually come over asking if you wanted something there cause maybe they could see it in you how lost you were.....just him to just live him to just let him live you in a place of his.....

It was magical the conversation the khushiiii that u could sense in his voice as he kept asking if you weren't embarrassed or smthing n u kept telling him it dint even matter.....which it never did, nothing else ever did ever since Him...

He did become your Priority, like everything else only comes after Him....again smthinf wasn't intentional like it just did become that way....

Today as u stood there u could feel him from that day could almost hear his voice that khushii rushing through you from that moment...

Been decade now charlie but some places some moments nai just stay with you for life....with their vibe along!

It was magic...!

Today!

 When even ur friend notices this!

When she sees you online today and the way texts u immediately saying u do know it's Sunday today right being sarcastic bout u being online on a Sunday....cause no matter what she messages Sunday's and online dint really happen this one year....cause Sunday's used to mean that much with those magic tree dreams of his mainly mostly on Sundays and then that chat with him over an year ago that sort of did change a lot....

It's that thing charlie like waking up from a strong dream of his where u felt him his presence the mostest and the mostest beautifullest way u somehow couldn't get ur self to come on whatsapp n reply back anybody cause not seeing him seeing the block would change the reality that your mind was still that beauuuuuuuuuutofully high on...

The same with Sunday's too never felt the same until this last week Sunday when he unblocked you.....

Ever since then u still can't contain that khushi rushing through you like it's sudden khushi of living him living momenrs with in a way presence of his to those moments alone to n fro from studio and you can just living that beauuuuutt of his with his music....

It's the waaaaaaaay he looks this beauuuuuuuuuutifully calm in the pic his daaadi ayaaaaaaaa thaaaat very daaadi adding gorgeiusness to his face his Johnny bravo hair do spikes through his eyes his forehead his skin all of him like u just cantttttttttt get over how why what could never make sense...

Its the way living him gave u that sense of happiness sense of contentment peace calm madness all n more at once...ever since the very start like it always filled that smthinf in u.....His presence!!!! 

Agaaain where to where only it went...

Out to IKEA gettig a few things for the studio decor thing for the pooja before hand....and they had this click n collect thng with a different parking lot with galli to galli and the way zig Zag it went those drives with him and the waaaay he would take those zooop zaaap turns on the fly over or in gallis just sooo u fall over him those initial days and soon it did become one of ur most loved things cause it had that vibe Charlie lile the same one that u used to feel for real back much before even talking to him....that pull towards Him.... Being drawn to him even from a distance like u remember just standing smtimes and looking at him for mins or till he caught u lost in him.... initially it was more bout why did he look that lost n sad....n with that u were growing used to living him cause everytime he passed by that feeeeeeeelinf of being drawn to him no matter what u were doing and the waaaay he would turn look at you and that one stare like he knew u were lost in him and u look away and then look again and still find him looking at you...

Agaaaaaain things u write and where to where it goes....

Sooo yaaaa those turns he took had that same vibe being drawn to him....today in those turns parking lot mein like u could live that feeel living his presence over whatsapp... U donno why what or how it just is the waaaaay it makes you feel it's like u lived that very moment there with him..complete madness I know charlie but in that moment for you it's like he was there with you for real mein....

kaisee like HOW!!!

Ineeeeee kaiseeeee like HOW everything ban gayaaa charlieee just like that!!!!

Pata bhi nai chalaa maloom.... like dheere dheere thoda aur thoda aur and soon before u even knew everything and all at once!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaa uskuuu dekhiiii tho bas sirf dekheeee thoooo ittiiiiii khushiiii amdar andar I swear like nothing else no one else in the world could ever fill you up, that kinda khushiiiness rushing through all of you every single time u see him now....the waaaaay it holds all of you away and when in that very moment u see him online ayaaaaa ur own way of living him living his presence in that moment u were already living missing him.....

Him ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Heart life love khushiiiness and more!!!!!!!

A day like this one today with lilst of moments and the feeeeeeel they have left you with overfilled you with !!!!!!

All HIM!!!!!!!!

LOVE!

 Days like these, moments like these, places like these...!

The gates we jumped...

 When some moments feel this new and THIS beauuuuuutiful!!!!!

It's that beauty of some feels Charlie when you live it after this long....when you least expect ed to relive it again and then get to live it like this !!!!

Out to get a few things from IKEA on your way back his line up of places Inorbit the kbr gallis the lil lil gates of kbr qmart and this feeeeeeeelinf to live him in that moment as you pass em by one aftee the other....

Knowinf now you can live him look at him feel his presence in that moment with you even if it be with the pics sake moment bhi sahi.....but the feeeeling noo charlie it can give u in that moment is waaaay beyond BEYOND!!!!!!

that khushi in that moment to just see him.....

Ayyyaaaaaaaa days those were moments those were!!!!!!!