to think of it all now......
its like you are living two two lives in one..
one where you cant help but deny the reality ignore the reality rather not look think or feel kinda reality..... almost numb likes !!
and the other that you would rather want to be like your actual reality to be...
like if only you could pick n choose it to be...
days back or almost a week or smthing this one new like after months now prolly that you see on his youtube like th eonly place again where you could wait hope to see his presence for real.....
it was a beautiful chill low track but the word title of the song desolate and that practically dislocated your mind away !!
to put it in the most precise way possible......
meaning emptiness lonely kinda thing though the track was pretty chill the title again almost awakened that mommy in you away.....
play the track on loop try to stick your mind with the chill vibes of the track but that same thing all over again once the his mommy in you phase strikes theres no looking back......
exactly what happened thsi time too !!!!!!!!
though you know very well he infact wanted you to keep off him infact even tells you so this time very directly......
and yet that same helpless feeling wondering if he was okay.....
and the only way you could make that feeling better for yourself was by adding him back with that feel of being there for him in your own way.....
though this one logic of yours neevr made any sense.....
but sense and you never really got along !!
right from the very start !!!!!!
sense logics are smthing that you can never understand when it comes to anything to everything to do with him...
cause when it comes to Him you just go by what and how you feel bout it....
add him back but deleet your pic away from whatsapp cause now all of that feels messed n fcked to add him and have your pic there.....
it just got awkward and weirder....
only after blame it on the wine or just cause you were just happy with that feeeeeeeeel of becoming him after really long..... that complete day right from the start to what and how you felt through the day the evening like you know almost growing closer to him in your mind.....
and you put that up as your dp.....
the next day the waaaaay it just felt that weird just dint feel right then and you again block him back.....
the way it felt you were making your presence felt when that wasnt even the last thing he asked you for.....
like he made sure to tell you that he wanted you to keep off him and there was you changing dp and him being there like it all just felt that awkward weird fcked up !!!!!!!!!!!
why were you even there what for ??????????????
its just that one thing charlie when you live such contrasts in life.....
hoping the one that you love happens for real or otherwise the other one feels less bitter or atleast gets better with time...
like two different stark extremes of the same world same life......
days when you feel him that much that you struggle not to move in your sleep even if you get tooooo cold with too much rains now like you stay still when you live him in moments hold yourself and stay still just so you dont move and wake up and then look for him......
like that kinda shift from one reality to the other !!
its like you are living two two lives in one..
one where you cant help but deny the reality ignore the reality rather not look think or feel kinda reality..... almost numb likes !!
and the other that you would rather want to be like your actual reality to be...
like if only you could pick n choose it to be...
days back or almost a week or smthing this one new like after months now prolly that you see on his youtube like th eonly place again where you could wait hope to see his presence for real.....
it was a beautiful chill low track but the word title of the song desolate and that practically dislocated your mind away !!
to put it in the most precise way possible......
meaning emptiness lonely kinda thing though the track was pretty chill the title again almost awakened that mommy in you away.....
play the track on loop try to stick your mind with the chill vibes of the track but that same thing all over again once the his mommy in you phase strikes theres no looking back......
exactly what happened thsi time too !!!!!!!!
though you know very well he infact wanted you to keep off him infact even tells you so this time very directly......
and yet that same helpless feeling wondering if he was okay.....
and the only way you could make that feeling better for yourself was by adding him back with that feel of being there for him in your own way.....
though this one logic of yours neevr made any sense.....
but sense and you never really got along !!
right from the very start !!!!!!
sense logics are smthing that you can never understand when it comes to anything to everything to do with him...
cause when it comes to Him you just go by what and how you feel bout it....
add him back but deleet your pic away from whatsapp cause now all of that feels messed n fcked to add him and have your pic there.....
it just got awkward and weirder....
only after blame it on the wine or just cause you were just happy with that feeeeeeeeel of becoming him after really long..... that complete day right from the start to what and how you felt through the day the evening like you know almost growing closer to him in your mind.....
and you put that up as your dp.....
the next day the waaaaay it just felt that weird just dint feel right then and you again block him back.....
the way it felt you were making your presence felt when that wasnt even the last thing he asked you for.....
like he made sure to tell you that he wanted you to keep off him and there was you changing dp and him being there like it all just felt that awkward weird fcked up !!!!!!!!!!!
why were you even there what for ??????????????
its just that one thing charlie when you live such contrasts in life.....
hoping the one that you love happens for real or otherwise the other one feels less bitter or atleast gets better with time...
like two different stark extremes of the same world same life......
days when you feel him that much that you struggle not to move in your sleep even if you get tooooo cold with too much rains now like you stay still when you live him in moments hold yourself and stay still just so you dont move and wake up and then look for him......
like that kinda shift from one reality to the other !!
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