The complete presence...!

of all the years strangely the start of this year in your mind was special maybe cause you were unknwingly waiting hoping for that magic to happen.....

like were hoping waiting for him this year mainly.....

like smthing in you with that strong gut feeling that you will have his love for you back again this year....

it was weird now complete madness to even think bout it !!

but smthing you just donnooooo it just felt that strong like ever since the start of this year and that feeeeeling you lost him then and youll find him back again this year.....

as weirdly crazy as this sounds now even writing it out cause yet again this state of mind all that you felt past few days you dint wanna write or hear yourself your mind out.....

but smthings you just gottaa let out for once n all !!!!!

there was that lilst speck of hope still there living through you without you intentionally waiting for it but with the last few days and now finally you did pull yourself out of that box..../

it dosnt make any sense anymore now......

there was that thing charlie.....

this one time somewhere out with him and his sister and wih him standing at a lil distance doing smthing either it was buying tickets parking car and walking back towards you smhing and you were just watching him living that beauty of his presence that completely lost in him....

and his sister was talking smthing to you and you were just that lost in his beauty to just live his presence with him walking towards you with  that one beauuuuuuutiful expression on his face that one familiar smile that he always used to have on whilst walking towards you knowing you that well enough that you are living his beauty living his presence and just that thought making him smile flash that one most beautiful smile of his.....

and that one moment when his sister shakes you up and asks you why do you love bhaiya so much....

and that one question actually moves you cause you werent expecting that and you just loook at her and still wonder about what she just asked you about.....

and you look back at him and just tell her donno its just him his complete self and there is not just that one thing that you love about him but its his complete self....

and then she again asks you how much and you actually tell her what you always felt itta ki i wish i was your sister too tere bhaiyya ki bhi sister too just so you could get to live him always as and wehn you wished too....

she laughs over your logic of loving him and by the time he comes over and asks what was it that you both were laughing at and obvsly skip sharing it with him....

to think of it now....

its actually what happened eventually......

to think of it now you actually wish you instead stayed just friends with him at least that way you still wouldve had him in your life.....

at least that least of Him still in your life...

there was never jus that one smthing that you loved bout him not just that one bit of him.....

everything to anything that made him, Him has always been love to you....

but there comes a time when you decide its best to leave it at that.......

cause now you have no other way but to....

all you gotta do now is find a way, learn a way to not back to that box of hope again...