Friday 27 September 2019

The Canvas...

to from where it all started...

some days you can just feel it like theres something ahead...

like you just could feel it.....

took the day off to get some home stuff done that you were postponing for really long now.....

mom comes along and not even for a sec there is a mention of anything that you dreaded....

like she just starts the day off by saying that she has neevr wished for anythin for herself but this one wish for you and you just stop her right there saying you had no hopes or expectations of anything and its best she dosnt say anything that ws on her mind....

to that walk back to your room from there with that happy heart knowing sacrificng rice literally making that wish actually worked.....

actually charlie that one wish you wished for couldve have been smthing else like the only thing you wished loved lived for....but that thing bout not wanting what just you love its more bout wanting to be loved and not bout wanting to love....

like there is that vast difference in both.... that one beauuuuuuuuty of being loved and not just wanting to love...

soooooo yahhhhh the better one was wishing for to live a life that was more of Him and not bout nothing of him......

and it actually worked cause the way this time felt like you wouldnt be able to escape from it this time !!

soooooooo yahhhhhhhh out finally looking for stuff.....

and when you land at hometown that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling the se cyou are there.....

the place looks completely different now to what it was bac then.....

walking around and a lil ahead and you forget bout your mom and leave her smewhere and on your own up the volume of his music and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay his eyes shis smileesssss his stare walks with you......

back then at hometown with his sister and the waaaaaaay he keeps pulling you back and away from hissister just so he could hold you touch you or to just watch you.....

the way he would just suddenly start talking bout how some random show piece looked good and as you start seeing what he was showing you the waaay he ouwld just hold you awaaaay it was those initial most days initial most closeness......

and the waaaaay he would look for reasons to pull back and closer to him.....

smthingssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss youw riteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and this feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeling nowwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you did decide you wont be writing these things bout him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

SMTHINGS I TELL YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sooooooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh walking around and this paintings section by random artists....

the lot looked quite similar to the ones on display in ikea too.....

and this one particular painting with the view of the sea.....

and the sec you see it that one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful feeeeeeeeeel of his versova place.....

standing right there at the fence the exact same view of the sea and that beauuuuuuuutiful wait inside rushing through you knowing any sec he'll be out to come to you....

as youd asked him to come out and meet you wit that weird feeeling of going on your own to see him....

and the sec over the fone you tell him to come out the way he just smileeeeeees away knowing your awkwardness.....

standing there with that beauuuuuuutiful rush of wait in you and that complete contrast of the sea the beautifully calm sea...... lines of the waves sound of the waves crashing by and you look around if there was some way to be out there at the beach and just have a walk with him once he is out.....

but the sec you hear his signature adoooooooooorable waaaasaaaaaap that one burst of smthing inside i say......

heaps and bounds of khushiii rushing knowing he was right there and yet that need to live that beauty of the sea now with him by your side...

and you again look around and that adooooooooorable tone of his kyaaa doondri..... and you ask him if there was some way out to go there and he instead insists on getting bac as it was afternoon..... and the sec you turn and look at him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him him smiiiiiiling that smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee o fhis squinting his big adorable eyes away nose twitching his momoo nose awaaaaaay and howwwwwww !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

again in ishaaraa asking you to get home......

that same beautifuly familiar pull as he just looks at you and you get back looking at the sea again and he just stands there with you..... for a few mins or so.....

ab chalti that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful tone again knowing you just wanted to live that moment with him....

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddd this need to stop right here.....

that one painting with his very same track playing then vital signs you just be there living that beuaty of him while watching that painting...

they say you must never have a art piece of the sea at home....

cause its like making the wild nature of smthing stagnant and the same way could have the same impact on your life too.... makign it stagnant.....

and so you just be living that beauty of him as you watch the painting for those few mins.....

how just howwwwwwwwwwww can some visual fill you up with smthing that youve lived for real....

like that beauuuuuuuuuuuutifully literally hold your hand and take you to your most loved place most loved moment..... and that strongly like you actually relive that very moment that very feel of his presence of his sound of the sound of the waves all of this and more just by simply standing there watching that painting to the sound of his music...

the missing that followed after that moment was beyond words...!

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