As good as a nun madly in love...!

you know charlie there is this thing bout having chosen a certain way or path of life to live...

and then there are moments that you make you live this change this choice of yours that youve made in life.....

and trust me there is no other beauty apart from that actual beauty of ab ab sometimes writing him bhii ajeeb lagraa....

soooo yaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!

there is this beauty of some moments that random and yet that special to you alone.....

after the jewellery place few other things to buy and you were close by to this white  temple that you loved.... and tell your mom you wanted to be there.....

it was evening almost and still raining that bad.....

once there your mom gets down and waits for you at the steps and you in ishaara tell her youll be out again mad at your sudden change of plan she heads inside and you stay outside in the rains.... just standing in that one corner and this one light above as you look up the waaaaaaaaay you could see literally seeee every each n every drop of rain falling over you under that light....

it was that beauuuuuuuuutiful to visually live that moment to the sound of his music like thats the only thing you hide away inside your jacket your fone with his music playing... apart frm that watch everything else getting soaked.....

to live that moment was smthing else.....

and this one sound of aarti and there were this bunch of ladies placing large number of diyas at the entrance of the temple singing some arti away with that some instrument in hand that you use for aartis..... walk by there and as they ask you to place a diya too and you just nod and stand out with them still whispering either you must be on your perido or just not interested with again your earfones plugged in....

and you just stand there live that beautiful vibe of those diyas that sound of that instrument and walk back to your place and just sit down with eyes shut looking up at the rains.....

those few mins there that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee of him like you were literally that fulll of him like that one calm after a very long time inside you that was just making you smile for no reason at all.....

today prolly was the first time charlie when that change in you that you decide bout that you wont be reliving the us'ness in your mind in your moments in nothing at all and today was that first moment of it lived....

cause all these years there has been this thing instead when you live such moments thre are those flashes of him through some moment or memory that rushes through you.....

and today there was no memory no moment reliving in that moment and yet that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him wit just that one smileeeeeeeee of his where toooo happy and his nostrils would flare up with that tiny wing kinda thing.... and this you even told him that his smile gives ting wings away to his nose.....

cause when tooo happy it used  to make his nostrils flare up a lil and that agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain used to make him all that much much moreeeee beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuutiful !!!!!!!!!!!

today in those few mins it was that winged nostril smile of his that you were full with !!!!!!!!!!!

and just reliving that one smileeeeeeeeee of his put a smile on your face....

your mom out and you by then completely soaked goes on saying smthing and you still lost in all him.....

on your way out there were these couples on the side to many others on the bikes cuddling holding huuggin away and you look away with no feeeling nothing in you....

again usually it usedto make you relive your closeness your hidig away in him but today like you dint feel a thng inside you....

nothing at all !!!

having stayed refrained yourself away from feeeling or relivng those moments with him for obvious reasons you already were living in a certain way.... and now with this change tooo the way it feels like you finally ar ealmost like that one nun thats madly in love with someone.... and yet a nun !!

its different theres no complains no hope no expectation no wait nothing at all !!

and yet its this strange beautiful calm that youve managed to attain over the last few weeks or nites mostly !!

its different its new nothing like youve ever been like.....

no daru nothing at all and just this different it feels already.....

to on your way home this one bus of students where the girls on yoru side just smiles away at you as you live the rains with your face out and the girls too do the same from the bus and as the bus slowly srtarts to move as the signal goes green one girl waves at you.....

all those moments of holding yourself getting that calm back was sort of lost for that moment for a sec in that moment.....

exactly same moment lived with him back then on a drive....

driving away to somewhere and nowhere and that usual thing of him holding you away with your head over his shoulder and this one bus overtakes and thegirls from thebus point towards the car and start to wave and in ishaara do that nice couple thing with their hand.... and as you wave back at them the waaaaaaaaay he holds you closer and chummiss awaaaay your forehead with that sudden khushi in him.....

this only the sec you write smthing that you dint intend to and realize you were doing it again.......

holding yourown hand mind all of you awaaaaaaaaaay !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME MOMENTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!