Everything of Him...!

from that moment to many other moments that evening.....

to finally home and finding no internet to write down all of it !!!!!!!

like from watching kbr that whole stretch of that park and then finding this beautiful corner of the tree place in some corner of that stretch of kbr and to live him there as you just watch that place......

to that moment of the painting like you already were that full of him in different ways.....

like those beauuuutiful different versions of missing rushing through you....

and there was you that that badly wanted to write it out and there also was that most of you still struggling to learn the art of not writing him now.....

which is prolly the worst struggle than being okay with the block now.....

cause now it has a purpose...

sooooooooo yahhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!

from a day like that one to waking up with thsi beautifuly weird dream.....

some sound and you just look around and he comes walking towards you with his sister.... and tells you get your car keys instead ill driver your car..... and that khushiiiiiiiiiiiiii in that moment when he says that cause this also was one of your wishes ever since the purple panther happened.....

for him to drive your car that was all Him...

and the sec you give the keys from your bag and the very first question as he looks around the car asks you there is nothing of me in this.....

like he waslooking for smthing anything of him that was yours.....

some hint of him......

and you take his hand in yorus and make him walk at the back and show him the number plate and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay it just makes him smileeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa even reliving it now puts a smile on your face...........

ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAT one beauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuty i say howwwwwwwwwwwww just howwwwwwwwwwwwww some people just like that get THAT lucky !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soooooooooooooo yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that one khushi on him and his sister saying over smthing and gets in the car.....

with her in the front beside him you sit right behind him.... your usual !!

and the sec you do that very same sec him looking at you through the rear view.... that one same exact same smileeeeeeeeeeeeee of his like he used to back then.....

takes his fone plays his music and starts off.....

almost out on the road not sure where it was and a lil ahead and his sister asks him to stop the car and get off.....

he stops and again looks at you through the rear view this time not smiling just that one hold in hsi stare like he actually was holdin you awaaaaaay just by looking at you.....

just by the way he was looking at you.....

gets off and you still sitting inside they just walk away....

like you dint know they were leaving or were bout to leave like it just didnt make any sense.....

as you get out to see where did he go look around no him nowhere and you take your fone to text him or smthing....

and that one rush of some truck or smthing from behind like that one loud woooooosh sound of the vehicle coming from behind shakes you and wakes you up......

the sec you wake up the first thing how are you gonna drive home not knowing how to..... and you look around still looking for him..... in that sleep hazy state of mind with your fone in hand on whatsapp.....

only when the visuals of your room start to make sense do you realize it was one weird dream.....

just be hear him after very long cause now you avoid reading his msgs cause you have to go through things you dont want to rather not read again....

so its beeen veryyyy long since you heard him and today you just be hear him and just be.....

make that moment make that confusion a lil better.....

and not sure when or how go back to sleep a lil more.....

smtimes smthings dont make sense but there is also that beauty of smhings that sort of makes it up for the rest.....

that moment of sharing your most treasured thing bout the reason of taking thsi car and to share it with him smthing that was all Him for you.... cause of his birth year.....

also being jst a month away again smthing that you not sure how you will even get over......

this time tho you cant even wish him through mail !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!