Every single year since 2009 this one constant feeeeel every time its October…
Lillllll did you know this one month will be changing your life forever…
You your life will never be the same again, for the BEST!!!!!!!!
And every year you are all the more grateful for the Him in your life…!
And will always be!!
This one month on the calendar, October…!
Aaj ka realisation: you’ve become such a howwwwrat nai when it comes to all things him!!!!!!
It’s that sudden touch sense feeeeel scent of him yesterday to that spotting of that MOST looooved circle over him woh bhi on a Sunday and you ofc had to see and it was bout yo yo his work and not him him kinda story of anything him or his music ……….and that another realisation checking on Netflix the upcoming section every other day to see if the same is released yet to that another feeeel every single time of his work not having seen his blue canvas…
To much later sleeping to the sound of cigarettes and every time you hear any track of this band that one recall of the scent of his cigarettes and how from hating the smell of cigarettes to now being another of those loved scents because of him…cause the way everytime you smell it anywhere it brings him along and that ishhhhhhtyyyyle of his to smoke ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that was also one of those things that you loooooved bout him…
To this blank morning today with no sighting of him like that weird restless feeeeeel and you had to get in with a stretch initially and in an instant that THAAAAAAAAT one feeeeeeeeeel of him charlie everytime I swear and that one strong strong wish to do it for real with him…the exact same moves to feeeeeeeel him along for real for really REAL!!!!!!
To the after like there was some track that your mind trips on and the waaaaaay of all the visuals it brings along that one visual of him at his Dd place…..where for some reason to just irritate him as you looooooved seeeeing his expression when you used to do something randomly stupid and him screaming away in that adooooooorable tone of his voice…for some reason you do these turns on his bed clockwise anti clockwise like wanting him to say yes to something and the waaaaaaaaay this one time after watching you laughing away at you cscreaming awaaaay that adoooooorably he with a straight face leans over you and holds you by your hair and pulls your face closeeer to his and just one look in the eye…….and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay it zooooooop bolkeeee switch away everything in you and that one instant transformation of the mood of the viiiiibe I say……and you try to go closer to chummi him just the waaaaaaaay he looks that sexxiiiiiillllyyyyy gorgeous in that moment closest to you and as you go closer to chummi him the waaaaaaaay he drops you and starts chuckling awaaaaay that adoooooooooorably saying again am telling you Tera pooora remote control hai mere haaath mein howli……
And you get off him still chuckling chummi him and he still continues to chuckle away even as you chummi him……and that holding you by your wait even as he laughs away as you chummi him but that him holding you from the back does it for you!!!!!!!
SOME MOEMNTS and this feeeeeeeeeeeeel even years after just reliving it now again as you write…..
Like today working on move this moment rushes through you with some track playing and akele akele from goosebumps to laughing away akele akele over his adooooorableness!!!!!
THIS THIS this missing lately ayyyyaaaaaaaaa like it comes smoothly gently initially and that hit that one solid RUSH of him that takes you off and away like surfing under a giant wave not over it…zooooop bolke!!!!!!!
This missing now change of pace change of viiiiibe!!!!!!!
It’s that realisation every single time seeing yourself post this missing rush the way it shows on your face and that beauuuuuuuty in just living these moments of him in your most loved tome of the day…….
Him that gorgeous GORGEOUS form of Magic, in human form…!
Like waking talking breathing form of Magic!!
Sing miiiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HOWEEEEEEEEE only!!!!!!
And the wonder of wonders happens……this one account that your wonderland brain thinks could be him hits a like on the same post even a week back almost hits a like on the talwarkar post too…
Am telling the thingzzzzzzzz a missing highhhh mind can possibly imagine is beyond any imagination too!!!!!!
Am telling you!!!!!!
How only what only if only!!!!!!!!!
All you need is absolutely truly just, Love…!
That one moment of his presence when you pass out watching inside out and that one touch one sound that one whiff ufffffff of him!!!!!!!
Even with eyes shut that one stroooongggggg feeeeeeeeel of his presence on your skin and even much before he touches you its that sense of him breathing that close to you and you just knowwwwww there he was!!!!!!!
Its tjis strong feeeeeel when you wake up with and not find him around that changes everything away……look out of the window and notice its almost the same hour from back then on your terrace him in his micro shortest chaddis looking his adooooooooorable sleeeepy gorgeous self coming to see you…
Some moments nai this sudden loud of a feeeeeeel it can slam you with!!!!!!
This missing right now!!!!!!!!!!!
The only apt word mood state of mind state of you that you wake up with today how absoluteeeeeefuckinggorgeousmyaaaaadly are you lovestoned over all things HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! Like you don’t need no daruuu no psy beedi just this beauuuuuuuty of being feeeeeing highhhhh on him anything him at all and this immediate affect it has on your mind!!!!!!
It’s supper rush rushhhhh morning today and yet this neeeedd to squeeeeze out just a few mins to feeeel him more cause again he comes this waaaaay after very VERY long!!!!!!!
Like you are sitting in one corner of his room and you can hear him scream that adooooooooooorably from somewhere really far kareeeeeeely kareeeeeely like there are these 8-9 screaaams adooooooooorable kid sound of him screaming your name away and you try to hide in the room just so you could hear him say your name for longer and actually makes you happiest also laughing over his adooooooorableness like by the sound of him he had some news to share with you…….and it was that urgent for him to find you it’s that waiiiiiiit in you for him to come find you and you turn or something and wake up…and that weird feeeeeeeling on the inside that he had been looking for you!!!!!
That screaaaaaam of his that adoooooooooorable sound of his voice and that neeeed to runnnnnnnn to him this morning it’s this strong need WANT to hold him awaaaaay the second since you been up…
And you bas had to somehow get in the workout it was that strong of a yearning for him this morning in the most beautiful of ways…!
This beauuuuuutiful madness like always it’s the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaays you feeeeeel him moving along with you holding you like that slightest brush of his touch against you that him breathing over neck it’s all that gorgeously insane…….
Like you wake up that happy as his voice echoes through you calling out your name!!!!!!
Ayyyaaaaaaaaa even as you write now that sound of him and howeeeeeeeee you miss itttttt!!!!!!!!!
Kitttuuuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed awaaaaay!!!!!!!!!
When you take up too many responsibilities taking care of too many things how much do you miss being taken care of…
Like to just live that feeling of being in 2009, being taken care of…and HOWWWWEEEEE!!!!!!!
When you wakr up buzzzzzzing with all things him and you realise its always bout the waaaaaays he comes and that has THIS impact on you like in mornings you are a different person and by the end of the day hote hote you get different cause thats when the him coming from the morning wears down and the missing again grows…….and then to not wake up without any him last night and this feeeeeeeeel now…
Like you missed out on the biggest buzzzz of the day this feeeeeeeeeel of not having seen him feeeels weird now…
With paint work on too many organizational changes it gets late at work and by the time you are home at your me hour that one mountain of missing ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this bad its been getting…the sound of his voice lately that one visual of him glimpse of him and this hearttttttt the waaaaaays it misses him again this time of the year…
Something’s you just cantttttt and the call from mom yesterday this routine at lunch time to ask her whats in the daba instead of checking it and she says theres sing and rotis……and in that missing himhighdddd zone of mind you actually say out oh wowww i love sing…
Kya kar sakte bolo ab ab aisaaaaa aisaaaaaaaaaaa ineeee yaaaaad araaaaa how much of it can you possibly keep it in…when theres THIS much missing i say!!!!!
Today tihis weird feeeeel he didnt come!!!!!!!!ayaaaaa charlie not even for a moment he came!!!!!
What only the day vibe today!!!!!!!!
Literally running yo work wearing jeans falling over it eating beeakfast walking walking and spilling food everywhere and then there is this first thing you see on instagram and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel it hits you with!!!!!!!! Its that beauuuuutiful pause amidst all and then that smile…
Some words I swear that viiiiiibe in the year as its almost that time of the year your MOSTTTTTTTTTESTESTRST LOOOOOOOOOOVED time of the year like theres no orher time of the year that you are this happpppy this moooooood you are in like keeeep breathing in the air cause years after it smells like Him…this time of the year every single year!!
This Him in the year, one deeeep beautiful breath and all you can smell is Him…!
This loooooooooove for this time i swear!!!!!!!!
Ur most looooooved month of life - October…!
It’s beeeen waaaaay tooooo long since you heard him say this!!!!!
But the waaaaaaaaaaaay he comes last night obviously had to be in black again but the waaaaaaaay he looks last night like you are in some empty dark street against his car and like waiting for him and doorse from the dark he comes walking in fultoo filmy style with that swag of his walk one hand in his pocket shoulders relaxed with that sexyyyyyyyyyyyy look all over him and that one stare and one smileeeeee on him……..and you just watching him with that feeeeeeeeeeeeel on the inside hayeeeeeeee this one fewllow I swear the thingzzzzzzz he makes your heart and body feeeeeel is beyond logics I say!!!!!!
And just bout closer to you the waaaaaaay he holds you and starts chumming your face awaaaay even before you say something bout how sexxxxxzziiiiiiyyyy gorgeous he just looked walking that walk towards you…….to the waaaay he comes closer to your ear and whispers away I love you like that intensity in his voice the waaaaaay he says it and it makes you go hmmm like you looooooved that feeeeeel of his lips over your ear and only after second you realise what he just said and you try to move to look him in the eye and ask again what he just said and the waaaaaay he roughly gorgeouslyyyyy roughly holds you closer to him again and says it again I’ve always loved you I love you……the waaaaaay his voice his lips go more intense as he words Love…
And it’s that moment of shock awe of just that strong rush of happiness that you shake and wake up……
This beauuuuuuuuuuty of al of him and anythung slightest him too ayyyaaaaaaaaa and this heart of yours the morning feeeeels it feeeeeels away like all of you not wanting to wake up and to wait for a few mins more reliving that moment of him walking upto you THAAAAAAT way…….
And this thing even today anywhere you are you just miss that random most gorgeousssss moemnt of just watching him walk upto you to just live that viiiiiiiibe of him ayyaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
This thing bout realising how it’s always beeen him ayyyaaaaaaa this heart of yours alone knows how nothing else ever mattered the way things to do with him does…
Even yesterday out for a late lunch with the model at ru and the first thing to order you notice the spice route coffee thing and that feeeeeel of his silk route boondein track……
To ordering double ka meetha and a zillion memories of his at his place over dinner with family then…and he makes sure to get everything done as per what you liked like those random moments of sharing with him of how you loved sea food and double meetha and that day he remembered it all that well bout you……
Like the second you see double ka meetha you were shocked to realise he did remember even though he didn’t like it himself he got that done for you…and that day actually has it with you as you feed him literally before everybody as he asks you to…and actually loved it saying it tasted just like Gulaab jamun……
To much later when your mom joins you for getting something for you as a self gift for all the work stress back to back lately and the only things you are passionate bout are HIM, fragrance, watches and jackets…
And iPhone change didn’t even matter now that you are taking a photographer based shoot thing so watch it was…as phones only for the work part of it!!!!
And this first thing you see it was a direct copy of the audemar watch that you have been obsessed bout…..and there were about 6-7 colors in it and the hand automatically goes to the blue one and your mom insisting on the sea green one and you just knew it had to be blueeee!!!!!!
It’s that feeeeeeeeel charlie now the waaaaaays there’s something of Him that comes along in some way or the other…..even in that moment in the washroom when the model widens your denim shirt ka neck asking you to show off some skin and collarbone and you again put it back to how it was buttoned saying that’s not your style…
And that beauuuuuuuty of that moemnt when him pulling down your his chaddis that you were wearing at his place saying like he literally sits down and pulls the length of the chaddis down just so as bare minimum legs were out kinda thing…
To much later him talking bout how something’s bout you he loved the way it was just for him…it’s only as he mentions it do you realise it actually was there and still is like something’s you just can’t be it sharing random things also…or the skin thing it’s that beauuuuuuuuty in having it just for that someone in your life and in realising the things they know bout you is something no one else does…
Like post that waking up today that rush again as you’d been avoiding writing cause this missing THIS missing been hitting differently now!!!!!! And howwwwweeeeeee!!!!!!!!
To this love for moments post workout dancing away in your own way and you are actually loving the him rush it further adds to it……..that want that neeeed to dance away with him move away with him and this one track some linr and that sound of him…….back then at his Dd space the waaaaay he jokes bout how you keeeep slurping away over him the night before over his robocop Skype chat…….and you tell him you would actually love doing that too like it’s something you that badly wanted to…but not sure if he would like it!!!!!
And the waaaaaaaaay he leans over and brings his side of face closer to yours just with that smileeeeeeee on him and closes his eyes that adooooooooooooorably and you actually lick his side of the face with his ear too……and the way after one lick he chuckles and still stays that way like your cue of you can do it again and you dooo how you loooooooooved it and after the waaaaaaaaaay he looks at you like the eyes were love high in that moment this clear and the chuckle after and says it first time post bup meri lucky hai tu……..
And that was your literally I still love you in the waaaaaaaay he says it!!!!!!!!!
Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa something’s you relive and write now with that sound of his words and feeeeeeeeel of his cheek!!!!!!!
It’s beeeen madness today the rush the viiiiiiibe of him as you move and feeeeeeeel him THAT much the wasaaaaaaaaayd it just makes you THAAAAAAAT happy away……and it shows on your face that evidently happy hiiiiiiiiiigh on him in black again!!!!
Also while at it checking him out on instag and the waaaaaay there’s that wait through the day every other moment for that circle most loved circle to live a moment of him…
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I swear heart loooove body mind madness of your life I say!!!!!!!!
Some visuals in an instant that beauuuuuuuty of him!!!!!
Watching minions finaaaallllly as you take 3-4 days completely off work from yesterday starting on just so you could get that time off youd been wanting to for that long now……just been chilliiiiiiing taking it all slow and this beauuuuuuty of some visuals like these…
Him sliding across the staircase and you at his dining table that one feeeeeeeeeel every single time charlie like that one big gorgeoussssss piece of jelly sliding down and you almost wanna open your mouth just soo it directly lands into your mouth of the stairs…
And he would always look you in the eye with that adooooooooorable kid smile on him as he does that and the waaaaaaaaays it used to make you THAT happy away every single time to watch him do that!!
Now watching this very scene and that one visual of him doing it same jelly eating him up vibe i say recalling it now!!
Is it even normal to feeeeel this way away everytime there’s a visual of him even years after now!!!!!
Like after al these years to still feeeeeeeeeeel this rush over his presence just like you used to back then seeing him for the first time for that day like under your apartment waiting outside the gate and you always used to bend down a lil to take a first look at him just to live that feeeeeeeeeeel of his presence and the waaaay he would do that too to watch you live him and that nod with that chuckle just watching you live your moemnt……the second you are in the car him asking why do you do that that khushi on your face knowing it’s the same me and same car you’ll be getting in and even then bahar khade rekke kyaa dekhti bey tu….
It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie to stand a lil away and live your ultimate moment of joy knowing this person is yours and how it feels to just live them their details from far and feeeeeeeel that vibe of how LUCKY did u just get!!!!!
And every single time single day that feeeeeeeeel of living him his beautyyyyy of smiiiiiling away that smile the waaaaaaay he just looked that beauuuuuuuuutoful smiling that one happy smile away be it then those days or last night too whilst working…
Why can’t budget photographers too know how to edit the only one inside scream running right now!!!!
Having to sit on the edits with lil cold now it’s like by the end of the day the mind gets a lil foggy cause there’s too much on edit on these with the set being of different dirtyyy yellow tone to toning it down to sandstone color to set with the outfits……taking too much of your mind away and then there’s that leisure of playing his music and slowly drifting to all things him and you leave the work and just lay on the floor letting yourself feeeeeel away all things him and this one thing charlie everytime now you lay down on the floor that one visual of him over him living his details away and the waaaaaaaaaay he slowly moves as you feeeel touch and live his details away and doesn’t even blink once looking you in the eye as you get high on him and call him you are beautiful and that one chuckle to lil smile everything bout him in that moment that beauuuuuuuutifully transforms that one meeeet at his Dd space…….
Soooooooooooooooo yaaaahhhhhhhhhhh everytime you sleep this way now that one visual of him zoooomed in closest possible rushes through you…
To this strange dream of you sitting in the car already and he rushes in screaming I missed you mannnnnn and you don’t first make sense of why what like in your mind it was like but I’ve always been here like how did he even miss you suddenly…..him in this navy collared r shirt and micro shorts possible and you check him out instead and the waaaaay he says again screams rather shriyaaaaa I missed you mannnn and that wakes you up…
Cause it’s never been Shriya from him even in the start it’s been karkera to karelyy to kurkuri to bombiii to bubbles to cookiepie to zillion things more but never Shriya…
And the waaaaaaaaaay with that high intensity missing he screams out your name and telling you he missed you shakes and wakes you up…
Apart from everything else that one feeeeeeeeeeel of hearing your name from him like him calling you out that feeeeeeeel hits different with goosebumps instant……
And you try to go back to sleep like literally pushing yourself to go back to sleep just so you could hear him continue further like why was he missing you when you’ve been there only like you had to get that doubt resolved or ask him kinda madness in that moment and mood it was…….
To waking up and no other dream like that missing stayed on cause you couldn’t touch him hold him feeel him and the waaaaay that missing from him shifted to you and howeeeee!!!!!!
It’s just been his unblock on insta not even on WhatsApp and the kind of dreams you’ve been having lately like he has talking for once is something else!!!!!!!!
To be able to live him as and when you can want to miss him to is almost a privilege almost after all these years of sneaking on others phones to live him….
To realising after your sisters birthday yesterday it’s his sisters birthday day to another memory of the same it’s been different kinda missing today it’s definitely high but just feels this beautifully different……
Getting in the workout HAD TO for sure to fill up that missing and whoowwwwwwwwwee to feeeeeel him on your skin like this to move along dance along with you the way you feeeeeeel him on your arms waist neck and hair that hold of him like he used to holding your hair to get you closer to him it was MADNESS!!!!!!!
It’s that need to write out how and ways you felt him today and also sounds absolutely insane writing out cause that’s how strongly you feel him in moves……
Like you are that hiiiiiiiiigh on him that happppppy with the rush like post shows on you that evident like your face is red neck down…….it’s that feeeeeel charlie that goes beyond jsut loving someone living someone missing someone it’s to live their details strongly enough to be able to still live them feel them when this kinda strong missing hits you!!!!!!!!
Like sooooooooooooooo high on him even now to be able to still hear that sound of him screaming I missed you!!!!!
To these words lately that you’ve been loving on this apge cause it that aptly fits your mood lately!!
Him in black ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart of mine!!!!!!
SOMETHINGS you can never NEVER get used to and every single time he has come in this one color it’s not the color it’s him in that the waaaaaaaaaaaay he is just different THAT DIFFERENT in that color every single time!!!!!!
It’s like he lets himself feeeel away all that missing for you and most importantly shows it to you that’s how much he has missed you!!!!!
Last night working on edits checking with the photographer not liking the final edit and then having to redo it yourself takes that much of your mind away……and eyes haven’t been this soar the way they feel now!!!!!
It was looking into the direct harsh sunlight for over 5-6 hours and now they feel super dry his ikul eye drops is prolly the only thing you’ve been using now…every time you use it that one heart smile I say recalling those conversations over brands of eye drops too…to finally falling asleep near balcony itself and that feeeeel it’s been years now to sleep the same way in balcony on chair the waaaaay it takes you all those times of talking to him listening to him fall asleep over the call and if you disconnect letting him sleep he calls again on some nights cause that’s how bad he wanted your presence close to him as he sleeps…….to this one rush of his scent with the wind and you go closest to where you could smell him the most and the very second he chummies your face away the waaaaay he does him making the sound for the first time like you could sense by the way chummies that he did miss you a lot…….and as he slowly moves you open your eyes to see he was in your black shirt ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and the waaaay he chuckles away saying soorat dekhi teri and comes again to chummi you and this time you move a lil back to live him in that he tries again and you place your hand over his chest to check him out and the waaaaay he moves trying to make your hand slide in it’s his eyes his smile and that one noddddddddddd of his he does ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaay he just looks you in the eye and does that one nod and you rushhhhh to him like that one INSTANT fataaaaaaaak pull just by the way he nods and feeeel his details away with your face as you move……it’s like you could sense his breath his heartbeat as you move and the waaaaaaaaay you could literally feeeeeeel that transitionin him and some moments!!!!!!!!!!
Things you write and relive now nothing I say nothing in the world I say no other face in the world I say no other presence in the world I say does this THIS to you the waaaaaaaaaays He does!!!!!!!!!
It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel when you wake up from a himcoming like that one smiling away reliving his scent his details his skin his smile his that one nod away and that one feeeeeeeeeel of that one visual of him in black can’t be thankful enough for moments like these!!!!!!!
To still be able to live him his details sound of him scent of him away!!!!!!!!!
This morning ever since then like you have to be at work also and then don’t want to also!!!!!!!
Like you can’t hide this feeeeeeeeeeeeel of him rushing through you like now nowwww!!!!!!!!!!
Mom talking asking things all you do is smiling away photographer discussing bout edits and reels all you could do was hmm hmm will call back in sometime cause your mind just wasn’t there!!!!!!
Get in the workout and that zoneeeeeee it further lands you in despite of a early start to the day!!!!
Cause you definitely aren’t a morning person but today feeels different hits differently!!!!!
To dancing away moving away to his two feet is what you call it now too many co incidences with this one…!
To finally feeeeeeeeeeeling him dance too with you it’s a different viiiiiiibe I swear the waaaaaays it feeeeeels to feeeeel him as you move is beautifully maddening…
To finding this new sound aptly named Bluebirds and the visual of it exactly ditto to that of the opera sunsets with Him… same visual of his dashboard to the place around the colors of the sky with that many evenings spent there!!!!!!!
To finding yourself two shades tanner almost and the waaaaays his words ring through you from then…even when the model says mom says to do something with scrub or something to get rid of the tan and that one inside noise haaaaah if only… to the way she adds back then you used to so much and herself hits the pause realising it……
Back then with him for him taking that utmost care of yourself regularly scrubbing obsession with brown sugar and how he loooooooved collecting those sachets whenever at coffee places for you saying it’s for your skin……cause he loooooved feeeeling your skin away the next day of it…
And now it doesn’t even matter it’s this thing charlie something’s you just want to for someone it’s the waaaaay it makes them feeel makes you happy away and ever since then never really paid attention to these things…
Today when seeing yourself red initially post dance and himfeeels this beauuuuuuty of some moments relived…his hands on your arm his fingers drawing that like to feel your skin on the arm and that one THAT ONE expression on him every single time………
This mind this moooood today all and everything bout his facial details…!
And HOWWWWEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwwww howwwwwww howwwweeeeeeeee only you are being missed away I say!!!!!!!
Lilst idea bhi!!!!!!!!!!!
There’s nothing more you’ve loved sound wise the waaaaaaaaaays you’ve loooooooved the sound of his voice like him just talking just chuckling over the call or even those sleep sounds or him screaming every tone of his voice and howwwwweeeeeee you’ve loved that too!!!!!!
And when that’s all you hear all of night yesterday it’s like still ringing through you to that moment when he actually mentions as karely yoohoo my cellphone is ringing can you hear it and you actually wake up laughing over it and realise you were the only one around akele akele laughing over the inside he just cracked!!!!!!
Some moments nai make you feeeel the biggest eeeeedioit possible being alone in the room waking up laughing over but that beauuuuuuuuty of him talking things away just touching feeeeling you away asking you to keep your eyes shut through………even now as you write that echo of his voice is al you can hear every other second calling you karely ayyyaaaaaaaaaa thaaaaaaat one sexyyyyyyyyy tone of his voice!!!!!!!
When you are finally able to see the screen without any discomfort there’s too much him buzzzz be it moments from shoot to finding him there too to the last nights dream to this buzzzzz you wake up with to his sound…
Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this level of something anything him fills you up with every single time!!!!!!!
These versions of him and each one of them LOOOOOOOVE!!!!!!!!
Howwwe can you possibly loooove the sound of someone’s voice too and who bhi THIS much!!!!!!!!!
And miss it toooo!!!!!!!
Scooooby dooooby doooo what do we dooooo!!!!!!!!!
This state of mind no matter which track playing it’s this sound of HIM in that lowwwww sexy toneee saying things away can’t just can’t I say!!!!!!!
Prolly the worst heatstroke ever post shoot!!!!
Lesson learnt next time on to check the weather ahead of the shoot day and then set the timing for it…..
It was the HOTTESTTTT day ever yesterday and the reddest face you come back home with……ever since making several attempts to write out the many stories from the day but this feeeeel everytime to write on screen light and it’s just not happening so here’s a self reminder to write it out the first thing once it’s better…….
The beauuuuty sheeeer beauty of some habits of writing him out visual story viiibe even living that certain moment there’s that constant thing on your mind of can’t wait to write this out thing!!
One of the best shoots but also with that beauuuuty of some moments that beauuuuutifully laced with all things Him…
Him his mind him anything to him EVERYTHING pure BEAUTYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
Few words down and you can feel the strain and that echo of his voice from Sankranthi on his relatives terrace screaming adooooorably away there’s a reason why the sunglasses were invented insisting you to wear his glasses instead…..but howwwweeeeeeeeee you loooooooved checking him out adooooriing him away sometimes droooolijg away the waaaaay he looked in those black raybans of his!!!!!!
Some visuals as you write and THIS feeeeeeeeel right now!!!!!!!!!
No matter how many times you live some moments or even write out this feeeeeeeeel!!!!!
It’s a early morning shoot working on last minute reel theme work picture work moodboard and minute details with this music playing and this need to live him for a bit beech beech mein and this one khushiii I swear charlie……
There are a godbillion people in the world but in the whole crowd there’s that one face you find meet connect live love that makes you feel like no other face in the crowd…that moment of even fractionth smile it brings you from the inside is beyooooond anything you’d ever felt lived like…
It’s the waaaaaaaaays it makes you feel regardless of absence or presence it’s your heart that knows how why this one makes you feel the way nothing else prolly does or could…
It’s this beauuuuuty of some moments as simple as this that make you realise things all over again and be grateful for it…
Grateful for that one face in the crowd, world for you…!
Kittuuuuuuu kittuuuuuuuuu only even in that picture of him holding baby ringo away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa how you wanna slip through there I swear…….that one feeel I say!!!!!!
Even the last time he spoke with you over that chat he mentioned bout you finding somebody cause he knows how much you loved being loved…if he only knew it’s not never bout being loved it was always bout him loving you to love him, just to love Him…and be loved by Him!!
It’s thqt feeeeeeeel even when he sent that to hold his collar hold his face away and tell him it’s him it’s always been Him and bout Him!!!!!!!!!
It’s like that one wordless urge you get of suduebdneidbcodlebsyvsjdbd something like this to make someone understand that you can’t possibly define our same same vibe that day too!!!!!!
It’s that urge to say scream out your lungs and tell them it’s not being loved it’s bout being loved by them and most importantly to love them…
It’s this thing you do sometimes when you miss him too much like now even between work sit for a bit and talk to his pictures away……absolute madness I know but it somehow in some weird way helps for the moment!!
Like you know phewwwww told him kinda weird logic like seconds back to his that picture that you would’ve looooooved to frame up I say!!!!!!
Some nights like these…!
It all comes down to this one moment a moment like this amidst everything hectic and chaos work related planning for the shoot tomo coming back home sitting down sipping water and just living him from your own account at leisure without having to hurry or slide someones phone back to them……and this smile your face heart and all of you lives away in this very moment!!!!!!
Like you are just, Happy…!
Just this moment it all comes down to when someone gives you this level of selfless happiness there’s nothing gained or received or reciprocated…but just a moment of living someones presence makes you your heart feeeeeel away THIS something THISSSSSSS beautiful and you are just, Happpppy…
His presence has always been, all this and more to you!!
When you are this THISSSSS hiiiiiiigh on him like there’s this constant buzzzzzzzzz in you all things him!!!!!!
It’s the waaaaaays he has been coming lately and this beauuuuuty of some realisations how you just loooooooved him smiling too or just walking into a room!!!!!
Like you’ve been that big of a fan of him ever since day 1 actually!!!!!!
This beauuuuuuuty of a him coming like this one and you wake up with this zzzzzzzzzzz in you like you can’t decsicrbe possible this feeeeel in words or some statement to exactly tell what this feeels like this!!!!!!
With Saturday shoot this planning organizing model taking days off even before fittings causing chaos more and amidst all this you are there smiiiiiling away to eternity I say cause no matter how many times you just cantttttt contain the excitement like it’s different it’s madness it’s what happiness with madness with calmness also with hyperness also with ecstasy feeeels like!!!!!!
Like your mind feeeels like one washing machine right now tooooo many feeeels swirling mixing vibin away with each other but with one constant topic amidst all HIM!!!!!!
I loooooooooove him charlie every bit of him any bit of him anything at all just the whole of HIM absolute love of my LIFE I say!!!!!!!
To this rush to this need to just in the workout post dance post feeeels and this beauuuuty of his enriqu every single time the waaaaays it brings back him in Bangalore missing vibes to know to feeel what it’s like to miss him newly differently more on this tonight it’s that beauuuuuuuty of some music…..the way it brings back loving him in different ways be it even in that bakery sitting there he parks the car walks into the bakery as he had asked you to go in with mango first…..and you stand there waiting for him only after he walks in you go sit somewhere and the second he walks in smiles at you goes to the counter to check things and you living that beauuuuuuty of him away just watching him talk chuckle away at something ayyyaaaaaaa to live him and this wasn’t just one time anytime anywhere at malls window shopping your eyes that fan girling away to his presence!!!!!!
That viiiiiibe of his complete self suchaaaaaaa moooooood!!!!!!
It’s a different viiiibe today in your head this feeeeel right now tooooo ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one bunch of Him everything anything LOOOOVE I say!!!!!!!!!
Can’t just contain this something rushing buzzzzzzing through you and howeeeeeeee you misssss him today like today’s missing heiiiiiiights!!!!!!
Waaaaay tooooo much missing!!!!!!!!!
How easy it was to bunk school away then when not wanting to having to work tho you love but this mooooooood this mind today just not UP FOR IT I saaay!!!!!!!
This buuuuzzzzzzzzzz of him aaaaj tho!!!!!!!
Chippyyyy how only you are being missed away if you only had the sliiiiiiiiiiightest idea miyaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!
Face happy eyes happy mind heart body soul happy and yet misssssing him awaaaaay it’s different today very very different!!!!
