State of mind!!!!

 Prolly the worst heatstroke ever post shoot!!!!

Lesson learnt next time on to check the weather ahead of the shoot day and then set the timing for it…..

It was the HOTTESTTTT day ever yesterday and the reddest face you come back home with……ever since making several attempts to write out the many stories from the day but this feeeeel everytime to write on screen light and it’s just not happening so here’s a self reminder to write it out the first thing once it’s better…….

The beauuuuty sheeeer beauty of some habits of writing him out visual story viiibe even living that certain moment there’s that constant thing on your mind of can’t wait to write this out thing!!

One of the best shoots but also with that beauuuuty of some moments that beauuuuutifully laced with all things Him…

Him his mind him anything to him EVERYTHING pure BEAUTYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

Few words down and you can feel the strain and that echo of his voice from Sankranthi on his relatives terrace screaming adooooorably away there’s a reason why the sunglasses were invented insisting you to wear his glasses instead…..but howwwweeeeeeeeee you loooooooved checking him out adooooriing him away sometimes droooolijg away the waaaaay he looked in those black raybans of his!!!!!!

Some visuals as you write and THIS feeeeeeeeel right now!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 No matter how many times you live some moments or even write out this feeeeeeeeel!!!!!

It’s a early morning shoot working on last minute reel theme work picture work moodboard and minute details with this music playing and this need to live him for a bit beech beech mein and this one khushiii I swear charlie……

There are a godbillion people in the world but in the whole crowd there’s that one face you find meet connect live love that makes you feel like no other face in the crowd…that moment of even fractionth smile it brings you from the inside is beyooooond anything you’d ever felt lived like…

It’s the waaaaaaaaays it makes you feel regardless of absence or presence it’s your heart that knows how why this one makes you feel the way nothing else prolly does or could…

It’s this beauuuuuty of some moments as simple as this that make you realise things all over again and be grateful for it…

Grateful for that one face in the crowd, world for you…!

Kittuuuuuuu kittuuuuuuuuu only even in that picture of him holding baby ringo away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa how you wanna slip through there I swear…….that one feeel I say!!!!!!

Even the last time he spoke with you over that chat he mentioned bout you finding somebody cause he knows how much you loved being loved…if he only knew it’s not never bout being loved it was always bout him loving you to love him, just to love Him…and be loved by Him!!

It’s thqt feeeeeeeel even when he sent that to hold his collar hold his face away and tell him it’s him it’s always been Him and bout Him!!!!!!!!!

It’s like that one wordless urge you get of suduebdneidbcodlebsyvsjdbd something like this to make someone understand that you can’t possibly define our same same vibe that day too!!!!!!

It’s that urge to say scream out your lungs and tell them it’s not being loved it’s bout being loved by them and most importantly to love them…

It’s this thing you do sometimes when you miss him too much like now even between work sit for a bit and talk to his pictures away……absolute madness I know but it somehow in some weird way helps for the moment!!

Like you know phewwwww told him kinda weird logic like seconds back to his that picture that you would’ve looooooved to frame up I say!!!!!!

Some nights like these…!

No matter!!!!!

 It all comes down to this one moment a moment like this amidst everything hectic and chaos work related planning for the shoot tomo coming back home sitting down sipping water and just living him from your own account at leisure without having to hurry or slide someones phone back to them……and this smile your face heart and all of you lives away in this very moment!!!!!!

Like you are just, Happy…!

Just this moment it all comes down to when someone gives you this level of selfless happiness there’s nothing gained or received or reciprocated…but just a moment of living someones presence makes you your heart feeeeeel away THIS something THISSSSSSS beautiful and you are just, Happpppy…

His presence has always been, all this and more to you!!

Buzzzzzzzz!!!!!!

 When you are this THISSSSS hiiiiiiigh on him like there’s this constant buzzzzzzzzz in you all things him!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaays he has been coming lately and this beauuuuuty of some realisations how you just loooooooved him smiling too or just walking into a room!!!!!

Like you’ve been that big of a fan of him ever since day 1 actually!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuuty of a him coming like this one and you wake up with this zzzzzzzzzzz in you like you can’t decsicrbe possible this feeeeel in words or some statement to exactly tell what this feeels like this!!!!!!

With Saturday shoot this planning organizing model taking days off even before fittings causing chaos more and amidst all this you are there smiiiiiling away to eternity I say cause no matter how many times you just cantttttt contain the excitement like it’s different it’s madness it’s what happiness with madness with calmness also with hyperness also with ecstasy feeeels like!!!!!!

Like your mind feeeels like one washing machine right now tooooo many feeeels swirling mixing vibin away with each other but with one constant topic amidst all HIM!!!!!!

I loooooooooove him charlie every bit of him any bit of him anything at all just the whole of HIM absolute love of my LIFE I say!!!!!!!

To this rush to this need to just in the workout post dance post feeeels and this beauuuuty of his enriqu every single time the waaaaays it brings back him in Bangalore missing vibes to know to feeel what it’s like to miss him newly differently more on this tonight it’s that beauuuuuuuty of some music…..the way it brings back loving him in different ways be it even in that bakery sitting there he parks the car walks into the bakery as he had asked you to go in with mango first…..and you stand there waiting for him only after he walks in you go sit somewhere and the second he walks in smiles at you goes to the counter to check things and you living that beauuuuuuty of him away just watching him talk chuckle away at something ayyyaaaaaaa to live him and this wasn’t just one time anytime anywhere at malls window shopping your eyes that fan girling away to his presence!!!!!!

That viiiiiibe of his complete self suchaaaaaaa moooooood!!!!!!

It’s a different viiiibe today in your head this feeeeel right now tooooo ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one bunch of Him everything anything LOOOOVE I say!!!!!!!!!

Can’t just contain this something rushing buzzzzzzing through you and howeeeeeeee you misssss him today like today’s missing heiiiiiiights!!!!!!

Waaaaay tooooo much missing!!!!!!!!!

How easy it was to bunk school away then when not wanting to having to work tho you love but this mooooooood this mind today just not UP FOR IT I saaay!!!!!!!

This buuuuzzzzzzzzzz of him aaaaj tho!!!!!!!

Chippyyyy how only you are being missed away if you only had the sliiiiiiiiiiightest idea miyaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

Face happy eyes happy mind heart body soul happy and yet misssssing him awaaaaay it’s different today very very different!!!!   

Hiiiigh!!!!

 Hiiiigg on the moooon and himmmmm right now!!!!

Jaaaanejaaaaaa kittuuuuu miyaaaaa dooondtiiiii hu mrinnnn tumhgrerrre mein yahaaaa ase wahaaaaaaa!!!!!

This moooooood suchaaaaaaa mooooood lately!!!!!

This one comstant stafeeee of happpppy himmmm highfddddddd you ate and ahowwwweeeeee!!!!!

Not daying 2!!!!

 Last night super tired like the schedule before shoot has always been this way but the second you come home play his music and this sudden vibe its lands you in is beauuuuuuuute i say!!!!!!!!

Still in that himzone vibe you fall asleep on the floor itself as you were working on sequence and mood layout for the poses and stuff!!

That one first second when you feeeeeeel him is always MAGIC!!!!!!!

Like eyes shut and that scent of him and even with eyes shut you try to move jjst your face up sniffing him away and the waaaaaaaaaay he holds your mouth and chummi eats your nose away again like he used to back then exaaaaact same way!!!!!!

That feeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him as he still was chuckling away even while chumming your nose and that adooooooooorably says howli hai tu look at me and that rushhhhhhhh of the sound of his voice every single time ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa your most loooooooooved sound in the world his voice that one ONEEEE tone of his voice…….open your eyes and there he was in blackkkkkk shirtttttt this time it was waaaay more deep than his usual style and the waaaaaay he looks you in the eye and that one smile of his and slowly moved a lil away that was your pull to him like the second he moves that way was your calling to move all in closer and that one stroooing pullll evrry single time he used to do the same back then too……..

Rushhhhhhh to him and chummi every to all of him away in that rush everytime you lay a kiss on him you tell him i missed you i missed you and the waaaaaaaaay every single time you tell him that replies back with a me too me too that one beauuuuuuuuuty of every detaul of him with every kiss the waaaaaay he moves making that one sound to that one chuckle jn that same tone adoooooooorably tickle horaaaa merku……the one time more he says that you literally wake up with that mixed vibe of giggling and also that highhhhhh rush of him still through you!!!!!!!

It was still night and that feeeeeeeeeel of not finding him there beside you lookikg that deliciousness that he was seconds back hits you weirdly…

Back to missing him more and listenjng to his niladri back to sleep to waking up and again no dream this morning…….

One of the beautiful yet weirdest thing happening since yesterday is that mode you are on even with work being this hectic is that one constant on mode…….like you just CANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT help it cant help thinking bout him missing his details from that one dream the other day like its been playing on loop visually no matter what you do…like you are trying your best to get back to your normal mode switch but its NOTTTTTTT working at all!!!!!!

Today too same mode you are up in and now the visuals and sound of him from that moemnt on the floor is on play today subah se…….

How do you even HOW DOOOOOO YOU EVEN!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kittuuuuuuuuuu kiitttttuuuuuuuuuuuuuu miyaaaaa only i say!!!!!!!!

Not daying!!

 When dont feel like daying the day today!!!!!

U knowwwww just how important somethjngs are essential for your being when you dont get to live it…

No him this morning and this weird side of the mood you have woken up with!!!!

Cant fight can’t normal right now…

And with days away from shoot pending planning and organizing you still cant get yourself to day the day i say…

Its this one blah not feeling a thing kinda vibe today!!!!!!

Beautiful MADNESS!!!!!!

 Sooooo yaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!

From that moment to this one from the dream and that one rush you wake up with and just had to get in the workout that need to feeel him more wanting more of him THAAAAAAT badly!!!!!!

It was barely 5 hours of sleep and THAT much him and you just had to today!!!!!!

And thisbeauuuuty of some vibes I say that mooood you wake up in to the workout and ever since that video of two feet and doing some research of dance videos on YouTube trying new thing away……

Secret dancing still baby steps cause you loove moving that way it’s that beautiful sense of him that comes along when you move that way…….AND it was and got wild I say!!!!!!

And this you realised with some specific stretches and you wanted to extend that to dance moves and how you looooved it today cause the waaaaaaaYs you felt him today as you moved was like dancing away for him to him with him and that state of mind mooood it lands you in is beyond!!!!!!!

To this one time still vibin to the music to the him feeeels you do this stretch head down back arm shoulder stretch kinda thing and you feeeeeel him beneath you……

Something’s you write out I know it’s madness but what and how something’s can make you possibly feeeeeel is beyond reasons or logics charlie……that one moment was JUST that!!!!!!

Post feeeeels now this hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh today on him!!!!!!!

Like you can still feeeeel that rush through you and this one feeeeel of realisation or that need today to be exactly that way and live that moemnt for real live him that way for real cause it’s mostly used to be him over today this strange need this strangely beautiful want even writing out this one shy muchness I say to hide away your mind only!!!!!!

New feeeels today again something feeling for the first time ticked for him…!

Himcomings like these too!!!!!!  

MADNESS!!!!!!!

 Him him him HIMMMMMMM!!!!!!!

This gorgeous gorgeous beauuuuuuty this one fellow is I swear anything him be it just the sound of his chuckle shadow of his hand or visual of his feet in that back in Hyderabad story ayyyaaaaaa when anythung him gives you all these feeeeels away imagine justttttt imagine a himcoming like this one whatttttt allllll feeeeeels it can give you a way!!!!!!!

This heart this you right spoooooooo sooooooooo high on him already!!!!!

There’s this buzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzing away in you through you like a rush of him would be an absolute understatement to the waaaaaaay this him feeels in you!!!!!!!

It was that different vibed dream yesterday you were up till very late in that dance vibe mode after his dream like that high on him and he again comes that waaaaaaaay it’s this lobby kinda place with stripes in sandstone and white and you were walking one stripe after the other his style like he used to go the block tile walk and that one hand on your waist……the waaaaaay he grabs you as you turn in that swirl kinda swing the waaaaaaay he chummies your face away even before you see him and you try to move a lil to see him what he was wearing and stuff but that one feeeeeeeel of his chummi every time eyes shut living him away with that full of him in that moment and he slowly moves a lil and he was in white shirt and white chaddis and that feeeeeeeel of him wearing it his style……as you check him out and you tell him feeling his chest away why isn’t this black and the waaaaaaay he chuckles away saying roz roz sirf black pehnu mein howli…..

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that sound of his voiceeeeee and you actually scream out saying tu bolaaaa tu bolaaaaa cause even in that moment it was excitement of living him look that girgeoysssssssssssssss in that and then actually to hear him talk to you with that one constant expression……as you try to hold him or something and you were over him in another place…….like he was right there with a grey sheet beneath him still in that shirt and you over him…….it’s that smiiiiiiile on him as you feeel his face his forehead and try to go closer you were on the edge of your couch and wake up…..

That one visual of being over him feeeeeelinf his details and watching him move that slow that beauuuuuuuuutofullu the waaaaaay it sets everything in you on the highest pace possible like that rush storm inside kinda vibe…….

Even as you write now that feeeeeeeelnof being over him that way like to actually live it feeeeel it after THIS long!!!!!!!!

This one time on Holi too after everything in his room the waaaaaaaaaay he was holding you roughly and biwwwwww you loooooved it cause you coildfeeeel away his missing the waaaaay he was feeeelinf your arms shoulder like bit by bit cause also first time head to toe you were in his clothes…..

To the mirror moemnt to finally lifting and dropping you in his bed and some moemnt and you get over instead…….things you shouldn’t be writing but also this this very need to today!!!!!!!

Cause it was that insync the dream and this moment from back then……you hold his arms away his style and the waaaaaaay he chuckles away saying meraaa styleeeee achaaaa it’s when you don’t say a word and just live that beauuuuuuty of him and the way the smile suddenly disappears and another gorgeoyssssssss expression of his as you go closer the waaaaay he moves ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa something’s you write and relive now ayyaaaaaaaa how you misss that one face HOWWEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 How does writing out make you feel it all the more deeeeply away!!!!!!!

Like reliving the moemnt in your head hits different but it’s all when you write out his every detail the waaay he looked in that moment the waaaaay he stared at you or that nod of his and now your mind is in a xomoleyelyyyy different zone like you just can’t feeeel see beyond that one moment with him…

Or is it the nights the beUuuuuty of some hours when it’s just you and all that you geeel away think away live away like it all just flows and howwweee…….

Opera THE place lived a zillion versions of him ayyaaaaa and looooooved each one of them asayyyy!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaay he would suddenly pause and just feeeel you away just by looking you in the eye not a smile just that one something expression on him and living you that way for a bit and then diiiive away to your side…

Today as the dermat checks the skin and says bout how sensitive it was to fragrance and even metal and just sit there as she shows examples on her ipad and one picture being that of a color of love and that instantttttttt it’s all him in that one second……..

Where he literally stops you on the stairs of back then big bazar at nachrma just soooo he could see his mark on you under the light……asking you in ishaara to move your dupata away just so he could see it on you you should seeeee him charlie in moments like these like the waaaaaaay he looks all of him in moments like these like that extra bit of more beautiful that extra bit of more passionate that extra bit of something more like everything around him just stood still paused all you could seeee feeeeel live looooooove was that beauuuuuty of him……

The way he keeps asking you he had a reason to smile away and feel happy about his darkest mark on you but why you were you smiling away looking at him…..

It’s that feeeeeeeel charlie when you live a moment and you realise that reality of your life again yet again I love HIM!!!!!

All over again kinda realisational hit it used to be!!!!!

Be it then or now reliving that moment of him his face his expression from that moment and that same realisation again I looooooooove HIM!!!!!!!!!

Viiiiiibe!!!!!!

 It’s been a dance viiiibe youday since the start of the day today and all it took was that one moemnt with him on the straits from the dream and the waaaaaay it set that playlist for the day today with allllllll things HIM and howwweeee!!!’n

To this moemnt when watching some nba movie with harlow u instead switch to his disclosure music and find these viiibees and the waaaaaaays they bring him along…

This beauuuuuuty of some days when jus knowing realising how he knewwwwww ur skin too even before anybody else your mom you or the dermat knewwwww……..

When roseee today hits you differently it’s this happppyyy high of the sound of his words at opera touching your skin on the neck awaaaay…….

Chuckling adooooorably as he feels your skin and says you have one very sensitive skin and you tell him it’s normal only and the waaaaaay he has that adooooorable naughty smirk where on a normal day should’ve irritated you but the waaaaay he used to make those faces in moments like these just before saying something stole your heart away again and hiwwweeee……

Trust me karely I knowww I’ve seen you have the most sensitive and delicate one……I didn’t even that hard and your neck is deep red already……and every single time he would say or do something like that you give yourself more and ask him to show what was the hardest like!!!!!!!

And the waaaaaaaaay he just looks you in the eye that one lil smile and thaaaaaaaaat nod THAAAAAAT one nod and leans over you……….

Something’s you write you relive now and this feeeeeeeeeeeelinf right now!!!!!!!

Some tracks some visuals and the waaaaaays they bring him along where you don’t even get the lyrics of the track as it’s some other language but here you are straight tanforedted to opera and in that moment with him…

Zooooooop bolkeeee!!!!!!!

Who would’ve thought struggling with this perfume rash on neck and wrist with different creams is not working but the happppiness it’s been giving you away is beyoooooond!!!!!!

It just makes you happpppppppy even right now living him in that moment from opera ayyyaaaaaAa he was your ultimate poooor heart I swear!!!!!!!

Still is , reliving it now!!!!!!!!!

THE chuckle!!!!!

 How much more can you possibly loooooooooove the sound of somebody chuckling away to THIS extent…

Be it that first time loving somebodys smile like to just see someone smile giving you that THAT much khushi away to even years after hearing that chuckle and falllllllllling drowning soaking in looooove again to the sound of that chuckle of His…

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa one yummmmmmmmm bunch of adooooooooorableness he is i swear!!!!!

When watching this series and that sudden replay of his sound and tooooooo many memories around that room pf his dining table of his!!!!!!

Somethings nai!!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaay it suddenly hits you this beauuuuuuuutifully now…!

The THE sound…

 Ayyaaaaaaaaaaa that sound of him that tone of his voice the sound of his adoooooooorable chuckle!!!!!!!!

The sound that you miss the most MOSTEST in life I say!!!!!!!!

Sound of Him…!

Even working now chaos at work Baarish outside that one replay of him and this one instant khushiiiiiii it overfills you up with is beyoooooond logics of the world!!!!!!!!!

The Song…!

 The sound of him ayyaaaaaaaa song to your ears i say……..

How can you possibly be in looooooooooove with someone even years after just the way it hit you the first time…

Sound of Him…!

Waves!!!!!!!

 This hiiiiiiigh of him no matter where you be at what you do this one hiiiiiiiigh you are on lately!!!!!!

It’s like the state of constant goosebumped kinda mooood lately!!!!!!!

Work has been stressfully hectic past few weeks and yet yet this prolly is the first time you are zip zaaappping through it like a breeze walk I say!!!!!!

It’s that one state of mind of you like you feel it see it on you as it’s this evident…and then that need to get a hold on yourself cause things are giving you imaginations away like random things random words random most things and there goes your brain on a run and howwweeee!!!!!!

Coming back it’s that immediate need to play his music and just be sorting last bits of work with that slow viiiiiibe of mood cause you been writing and the after of it lately has been no sleep almost it’s that rush it’s that intense rush of him charlie that almost is beyond your control like you can’t just can’t think straight or be normal…and phir bhi it’s this peaaaace mode you been on like nothing really affects and also everything him anything him affects you away in the biggest of ways……..

Like feeling away a mix of too many things and all at once…

And amidst all to have a straight face even when talking to your mom over her lap as she massaged your head and talking something random and the way this kid from the balcony calls you out shriiiiyaaaaa and you run out screaming chetaaanaaa her style and she says a hiii as she just came back home…and goes back in again and you come in with that smile on you that you do your best to control and your mom like IT WAS EXPECCCCCTED asks you it’s because of her name haina……

And you don’t say a word and ask her continue what she was talking bout but that smiiiiile stays on charlie saying his almost name out loud it’s that level of happiness it gives you can’t put out in words I swear……..imagine just saying out his name loud gives you this level of Khushi away!!!!!!

Just imagine it’s just the name and what and howeeee it must with all of him!!!!!!!!

To the night or morning prolly it’s the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he comes himmmmmm I sweaaaaaaar it’s this one biggggg wave of everything that’s rush passion beauty madness is made up of!!!!!!

Like every possible ecstatic state of happiness beyond that too is him in black and that state of him it’s like big huge waves that come gushing and take you along with it in one swoooop………

U are in some store or something and there’s nobody around as you look it’s dark the space is weird and this one hand on your waist that sense of him and the waaaaaaaay he moves you pulls you closer and you ask him where’s everybody and the waaaaaaaay he comes closer to your ear chummies it away and says in that looooowwwwwww sexyyyyyyy tone of his voice it’s just Us…

It’s that rush like the sound of his voice itself and the waaaaay even reliving his tone now and this sudden switch of the pace of your heartbeat go faster and thus complete transition in you this shift in you and him messy hair he was hiiiiiiiigh slight daaaadi his shirt usual his style and you just touch and feel him as you live his details and the waaaaaaaaye he moves charlie as you live and touch every detail of his to just seeeeee him move that wayyyyy that something it was giving you awaaaay………

To the way he just holds your hand that roughly and moments!!!!!!it’s that feeeeeel of him just the waaaaay he looks at you smiles at you it all felt like that meet at his Dd space it was all coming back like everything bout him from that day like him in Versova same viiiibes last night…

It all was VERY different and yet exactly same as him in Versova with you or at Dd……..

Alarm or some mixer sound and you wake up again still in that zone of scent of him that sense and touch of him like you wake up different everytime with a dream of his……the you feeeeels very different inside out… 

Firat thing even having to rush to work you just had to wanted to feeeel him more…

Get in the workout and this one artist you are break marke marke listening cause the you gets beyond control once in that himzone…with this artist!!!!

Like you don’t care bout the lyrics it’s the guitar THE GUITAR charlie!!!!!!!

It DRIVES ME MAAAAAAAD for him!!!!!!!

It’s that need that feeeel that waaaaaant that one strong hunger I say!!!!!!!

Like that level of missing hits different wit the guitar of this artist it just HITS DIFFERENT it’s beautiful madness!!!!!!

Today too as you play this and move along that one swirl inside like starts slow to the waaaaays it makes you move as you feeeeeel him along with the sound is MADNESS!!!!!!

Even writing now to feeeeeeeeel him charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaa to live that beauuuuuuuuuty of all of HIM!!!!!!!! U lose that sense of yourself and become all Him away and howwwweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lil doses!!

 Somethings no matter how many times live the moment it feels the same bringing that fataaaak smile on your face…

Like you are loving your work lately again something he had said back then……there’s a lot of work lately with interior changes and stuff and you’ have this tak one constant smile on your face and keep touching the wood away saying touch wood just causeeeeeee…….

Lil doses of happiness charlie lilst ones those choryed moments of middle of wirkk sneaking away to your corner to justttttt live him away for a bit….cause it’s beeen yeaaaaars of trying to find someone or the others phone to just get a glimpse of him like FOR YEARS now…now to be be able to live him from your own account feels different hits differently…

To this recent something again very random very lil but it’s your dose of lil magic again……like all the cars now suddenly over a week or so are just 2277 2727 2772 7722 1072 like any combination al you see is a car with these numbers…..and this one page that mentioned bout universal signs that we are all surrounded with we just need to notice them and these signs are in numbers that you are close to like your fav number that you most connect with or a name that’s closest to you or some color and that’s your sign that you are on right path kinda logic…..

But you don’t really delve too deep into these logics as long as it makes you happy thinking of him bringing that peace in your moemnt makes you feel his presence that’s all there is to it….

It’s that beauty of al these years of finding him in moments in his absence and filling it up away!!

Like today checking multiple fabrics to try things and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay the boondein song plays as it’s raining out…and the sales staff asking for something showing the fabric swatches and you are zoooooop bolke zoned out like all the sound except for the track goes numb on your ears…

It’s just him and the sound of music rushing through you…

Happiness is not having evrythung or finding it all away it’s in the lilst of moments that makes you feel something that makes you come alive and you are in your utmost complete self feeeeeling that moment away like you know really living it away as you breathe…you just knowwww when you find that lil dose of happiness with that transition in you…

Auyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one adoooooooooorable gorgeousness of him I say…

Be it that ring magic trick video that him singing away and everytime you go ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeee khaaaaaa jaaanaaaaa terku pakad ke or that one that his sister had tagged him in some random restaurant in Bombay and somebody talking to him and he has that typical expression of his when somebody is bullshitting away and he has that smile with that smirk on him and he nods away ayyyaaaaaaa…..how you miss living those versions of him awaaaaay!!!!!!!!

The sound of him the nod of him the smiiiileeeeeee of him, am telling you charlie his ultimate fan ever!!!! 

And this one time his sister telling you the same bout she loved doing anything he did like style wise choice wise copying anything he did and as she was sharing it that one smiliiiing away on the inside auyaaaaaaaa same dittoooo!!!!!

There is that part of you that WANTS to be him on some days like you know collar like his style standing in the lift his style white shoes his style back stretch his style shoulder movement whilst watching movie his style……random things like this again not intentionally it just is you now with time…

Something’s nai!!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty of these lil sparks of happiness…!

One of those…!

 One of those dreams you just cant write bout where all of you wants to write out all of it jsut so you remember the details much after too and YET you just cant write out out bout!!!!!

A beautiful dilemma such as this…

When youve been tryingggggg struggggggling to put belts on your mind and tame and tone it down a fee notches lower but himcomings like these i saaaaay when that black shirt is beomcing his signature move to come and leave you missing more of him wanting more of him liteeeerally begging away more of him that kinda beauuuuuuuutiful madness i say!!!!!!

Theres something that pureeeees calmmmm and yet choaticallyyyyy passionate with him in black and burgundy colors like it literallllly drives you mad……..

Any color on him is a beauuuuuty but these colors somehow bring that otherside of him out and howwweeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Like you wakeup still in that state that you dont look at your moms face when talking face red eyes hiiiiiiiigh stilll highhhhhhhh on him like its this evident on you…

And a long days work today how do you even switch to that mode of you now….

When this you is this on!!!!!!!!

When you somehow want to be normal just so you get some control over your mind but all of you i say refuses to be soo…

Its the kinda mode you just wanna be away from it all and live it fullsomely away i say not wanting to hide not wanting to be normal and just living him living it away with…

That beauuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him in any version of him its that viiiiiiiiiiiiiibe of him charlie like even with eyes shut that sense of him like even back then working out on treadmill and that sense of him when he would suddenly come ro the next treadmill and that wait before starting the mill on till you see him and that sense of him turn and look at him and that wave that one smiiiiiiiile on him starts the mill on and plug out the music you were listening to on your phone now that he was here……

SOMETHINGS you write ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT feeeeeeel of him being thaaaaaaat close to you!!!!!!!!!