Blink of a visual…!

 This missing lately witb time now and where it’s leading and stuff yesterday some friends friend event half way you come out and out for drive and back home that one feeeeeel of missing him!!!!!!!

In a different way!!!!!

It’s been soooooo soooooooooo long charlie like initially you didn’t think it would this way but now it’s a weird feeeel as the missing grows…

No dream this morning too and this wait through the workout event post workout as you switch tracks to find the one with the him vibe and this one SOME track it was!!!!!!!

SOME find it was!!!!!!

It’s this beat change and throug the move it’s this light blinking visual of his car from back then you waiting at the gate him waiting for you and you still wondering what he meant by I don’t want to but have to whisper of his as he just stays there looking at you throug the rear view and you everything in you wanting to just run to him and you couldn’t like that day you wanted to hold him hug him away chummi him away cause the waaaaay he was that day with you or just the way he looked that adoooooorably high his eyes his that one high smile him not wanting to look away like he knew already what he was going to do next and you just couldn’t make sense of it cause there was that much love rushing throug him for you that you could literally see and yet was all different….it’s these moments of him waiting for you to turn after dropping you it’s those moments from that day that evening at his place as you couldn’t reach out to him as his sister said she would drop you home and wanted you to stay back with her for a bit…

It was different very ajeeb and yet with it all it was beautiful cause you could still feel his love for you…it was only later he actually tells you by what he meant with that whisper of his like in that call post bup he that clearly did remember that moment with you and tells you it wasn’t you it was cause of your mom…

This one track charlie did bring back all those moments and this lost feeeel with it cause some moemnts relived of his and this one feeeeel no wonder you could never give up!!

Donno what donno how something bout him something in the way…!

Even today through the moves this track on loop and every bit of him every visual of al those moments of him waiting for you to turn to him after dropping you home like that wait was always there and that one smile of his after you turn SOME VISUALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This much HIM rushing through even as you write now memory trips like these I swear!!!!!!!!!

You were missed the most this morning you gorgeous lil big adooooooorable soul if you only knew bey!!!!!!!!

The THE AMIND!!!!!

 As you write this very first word down the waaaaaays a moment for a moment can leave you with is beyooooond!!!!!!

Like you can still feeel it as you write now!!!!!

A dream like this one today him in a black proper shirt of a brushed cotton like reallllly sooooft cause that’s all you could feeeeeel this morning there was no sound nothing no other movement but just the way as you take that one turn cause it was one restless night of sleep with barely any sleep mind still that lost and early hours prolly that one turn and the waaaaaaaaay he holds you away pooora like suddenly you don’t feel sense smell anything else but just him and HOWWWW!!!!!!!!!

This for one second you open your eye to live him and you see the shirt most of the buttons unbuttoned which he sometimes used to back then too and the way that one visual makes you hold him hide away in him all the more and the waaaay he just held you charloe it was different the waaaaaay it that strongly felt like again you weren’t the only one missing him!!!!!!

And you donno when or how you finally fall asleep waking up like always that THAT much scent of him still around because it again made you look for him around…

To the workout done and that one longing for the post workout moment it’s that curiosity now charlie how is he going to come today what is it going to make you feeel away!!

Play this track from yesterday and there he was as you stretch upwards that one sense of him again over the neck it felt that strong that it made you move and lose balance……like it used to back then fr real!!!!!!

Strangely what made that one moemnt feel more magic like was after losing balance you see him that one glimpse of him showing his teeth off after doing the same back then it’s weird as you write out now cause ut totally sounds madness but in that moment to feel that sense of his presence and that strongly beyond any logics!!!!!

As the track grows that one feeeeeel of his arms around you as you move through the postures like you could just feeeewl him around you this one line from the track that sounds something like drapes my heart it that beauuuuuuuutifully felt like draped all around by him through those moves like it one point made you hold yourself cause it was that strange mix of feeeeeeling him his arms around and missing it too…

It’s a mix of too happy and too lost at once…!

There is nothing I say that could even come close to making you feeeeeeeeeeel all this away the way anything to do with him does……..

It’s a mind smiling and missing him away kinda vibe today cause you met him and miss him too at once…

Feeels!!!!

 It’s these series of moemnts today like any other day actually like from that moment on that one rush of him glimpses of him from the drives moments in crowd everything to anythung and you were all Him and HOW!!!!!

It just still makes you very happy strangely does……to just relive it all to just relive him every lil detail bout him his eyes sparkling under the direct sunlight him smiling that amworkinfmymagiconyou and you know it kinda smile his one hug like one hug could sum up away every feeeeel in the world like just one hug and it’s all there is to it!!!!!!

His voice sound of his chuckle scent of him his presence to just knowwwww to just live him charlie - life and happiness I say!!!!!!

At the studio working on designs discussions mind lost already and the manager goes over how every single time she has to remind which design you chose for which color that you keep forgetting and how bad a memory you had and you just smile it away!!!!!

It’s the very same you just that one video of his with that cutey his hand the waaaaay his hand moves brings back those moments of him trying to take something out of luckys mouth that very same way kya khake aya tu with that adoooooooorable tone of his voice trying to act mad at lucky you know that tone doing the same way with you and how adooooooooooorable he used to sound getting mad charlie ayyyaaaaaaaa poooora love I say!!!!!

His facial expressions his voice and you always laughing over it used to get him even more mad but you just couldn’t somehow cause to you those moments were when he looked sounded his LOVE best!!!!!!

Things bout him lilst of them and the waaaay they are with you in moments like these visuals like these sounds like these…and something to do with just yesterday you don’t remember!!

Writing writing how only you were missed yet again howleeeee aunty can never thank you enough for this one I say!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if only he knewwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!

To just know, to just belong…!

 In that very moment as she smiles back at you take the turn shut your eyes wit the track playing there he was…..there were many times charlie people looking at you lost in each other and the way they would just smile be it that college bus passing by on a drive and the girls wave back at smile back and the way he would just look at you in that moment and smiiiiileeeeeeeee that one smile away that makes you feel realise how happy someone was to have you in their life like you could just see in him the way he would look at you smile at you that one smile and then add Teri Surat he aisi hai maloom pull your cheek away…..

Even in malls sometimes just look at you from a distance and ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that one Khushi in his stare and the way he would rush back to you and just grab your arm away…..

Today in that very moment all these moments of him feeeewling that love away for you that one voice of his saying the same rushes through you…

It’s when moments like these hit you charlie out of nowhere…..it’s prolly the most beautiful thing more than love itself to just know how happy your mere existence can make someone feel!!!!!!

To just be loved the way he did!!!!!!!

Apart from everything that is today it’s these moments charlie that rush through you out of nowhere and the way it still makes you go how fucking lucky did you actually get for just having found Him!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeeeels!!!!!

 These feels charlie of moments out of nowhere that sometimes makes you wonder if it’s just your mind feeeeeling it all away or things like these happen for real like real mein actual mein moments of magic or just moments of wonder out of nowhere…

Or it’s just the missing hitting you too hard!!!!!

Today out for work in a jam close to the signal and this his artist you are discovering new tracks from and this one track starts to play the waaaaay it eases your mind out makes you a sit a lil lower in the seat just like he used to on drives slows your mind out and you ask Venky to take the longer route to work and this one man across the street like you were in the right side the guy on the extreme left lane walking in a black tee his style that collar up style high neck jeans same fit as he used to walking close to his style of walking and that strong rush in you the way the walk pace falls that beautifully in sync to the track and the him high rushing throug you…..

Ask Venky fataaak se to go a lil closer just so you get a glimpse but not too close so he knows and he asks you want me to stop the saar cause he knew has to be somebody important for you to get all that worked up like amidst the crazy jam asking him to take an extreme left between the cars and directing him to not go too close to Him……

Cause you knew !!!!!! So you just wanted to get a glimpse of him a lil closer and you realise wasn’t him……

That one sinking feeeeeel every single time charlie!!!!!

To just a lil ahead there was this weird feeel beautifully weird feeel to just self realise how bad HOW BAAAAAD you miss him after that attempt of rush to get a glimpse of him for real….and as the car slows down taking a u turn this one side the cleaning ladies of the road sitting over the fence and one just smiles at you as you pass by is when you realise you had a smile on just feeeeling him away living him away in that black tee from that moemnt at the salon or for real in his picture from the birthday him looooking absoooooooluteky sexyillllyyyyy beauuuuuuuuuutiful I say!!!!!!

Cause the way he looked surprised at the same time just happy to smile back…..you had the Him smile on!!!!

Moments!!!!

 Not sure if the missing lately been too much or you just trippin on him when a Chet faker wallpaper now on ur fone looks like him chilling over a piano and suddenly you loove it all the more much now…….

Lights out his music it could be nice playing few sips gin down and this state of mind when even some crime show running you still gotta smile on akelee akelee cause that living that THAT one smile has these effects on you that last waaaaaay longer than the moment…

Mornings!!!!!!

 It’s been a himhigh state of mind like no other!!!!!!

Visuals charlie all there is to it and the things they can do to your mind I say is beyooooooond!!!!!!!

U loved the pup but ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaay that adoooooooorableness of his took over it all I say!!!!!!!

He is a VIBE I say!!!!!!!!!

As the day ends it’s that different level of missing that hits you and makes you miss him all the more in a different way!!

To this morning waking up with no dream heart looking forward for the post workout moment and the manager drops over mid workout pace gets slow with work stuff to take care as you workout and amidst all your mind how do I get out of this to that moment…

Finally done ask her to give sometime and finally on your own play his music and the waaaaaaaaaaay it brings the Versova moments back and HOW!!!!!!

Everytime you miss that specific meet his closeness moments from the meet the way it always comes down to this one track as he did play this track too in that very moment androcell one…

And the waaaaaaaaaaaay he comes along with it charlie ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa like he is right there through the moves with that sound of his…….not wanting you to move away him holding your arm the way he keeps tracing away every feature of yours not wanting you or him to look away his heartbeat breath that stare that one smilleeeeeeeee to moments every bit of it the eaaaaay it rushes throug you!!!!!!

Strange realisation today not sure if it’s the music you are choosing or it’s yoga the stretches that feeels liberating in the most beautiful of ways strangely sensual too it’s like a whole vibe as you pace through it……..it definitely is very liberating!!!!!!!!

But it’s this vibe of his that definitely transformed the complete process!! And HOW!!!!!!!!!!!

A morning state of you like this one mind I say beautifully ajeeb on a different note!!!

Moments!!!!!

 That one face said it before can say over a hodzilkion times morer!!!!!!

That one face his smileeeeeeee charlieeeeeeee and a million moments lived for real with that smileeee ayyyaaaaaa tooo many feeeels alll at once ever since…..first foremost chipman in Hyderabad then to see him look that THAT afooooooooooorable ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaa cutieeeeeeee he is!!!!!!!!

To the video of his hand petting the lil ringo away ayyaaaaaa some visuals nai pooora love I say!!!!!

Hands prolly are the most expressive apart from the facial expressions you can say a lot bout someone by a touch by the way they hold your hand mive their hands anythung at all and you can definitely understand a lot by just a touch…

The way he moves his hand over lil fellows face ayyyaaaaaa it’s like your mind automatically reconnects to the other moments lived looooved of him with lucky…it’s this transition of his the way he could be the sexiest one in a moment to the next second you see him turn transform into the most innocent adooooootable childlike in an instance……

Lately ever since the visual beauuuty of him these moments when out for some meeting t some cafe any place there is some sound connecting there is always some track or the other connecting with him again things when writing out makes you sound absolute lunatic but just bout the feeeels charloe ekdum seeee that rush of him!!!!!!!

To this morning a dream like that one that THAT one rush of him again it let you with…..and strangely that sleeepy even after the waking up cause the mind was still that high on him from the dream it’s the waaaaaay he comes like this charlie that leaves you with a confused almost dizzy state of mind trying to make sense of the reality after being LOVED that much!!!!

To this moment of stretch post workout and the way these yoga moves stretches are transforming your mind through them…like you are looking forward to these and yet know the feeeeeels it leaves you with post…

Today it was this track by his music artist a new find and a magical one……play it just bout to skip it as the start wasn’t that great and the way the track evolves it’s this state of mind…eyes shut in your moves the track playing and this strand of your hair over your arm just swinging over the arm  and opera it was…….

There was this one habit of his sometimes when at opera this big gate entrance and security check for the ticket he would look at you with that one smileee a slow drive still looking at you from there and just a few seconds away from that left turn of your spot at opera he would just stop there….just look at you wanting to see that rush in you to just land there in your spot there but nai he would just stay there looking at you and then chuckle away saying look at you pleading me without saying a word…….hold your hand and this thing he used to do over your arm and then move back and watch you again as you rush into him hold him away and the way he would then take that turn…

Opera was it all zilluon versions of him lived there lilst of moments from there and the waaaay they come back to you in ways more than one…

It was different charlie cause that was the time of just you and him away just on your own no wonder the Versova meet was the same…it was that vibe of opera amidst the wild nobody nothing around under the moonlight to just live that beauty of him live those versions of him……some days the most adooooorablr kid ever even at opera and mostly this beauuuuuutiful wild forest like beauty of him!!!!!!

Mind post that memory rush even as you write now auyyyaaaaaaaaaaa these moments!!!!!!!

Work ahead not sure how you are getting your head back into it!!!!!!!!!

THAT ONE!!!!!

 He was wearing this baby blue tee prolly beatles one chashma and that gloriousssss beauuuuuty of his daaadi the waaaaaay he just looked too many things all of it all at once in that one picture toooooo dammmmn cute to toooo adooooorable tooo gorgeous like every thing all of it and at once the way that lil ringo fellow too watching him away safest in his hands I say!!!!!

It’s like suddenly visuals bring along conversations memories ekdum se away….this one time in his room post moments lays beside you looking up at the ceiling on his bed and you beside him over tummy position oppo to him watching him and he starts to talk bout lucky away…from the first time he got him home to training him being with him around to luckys love for him whenever he used to come back home from Bombay…

It’s like today all of those memories rush back his words his voice him in that moment to coming back to one face one smile one expression the feeeeeel of his face in that moment that beauuuuuuutofulky captured the waaay he just holds the lil one away !!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaa I swear charloe you wanna be the pup too I swear that daaaaaaaaaamn cute!!!!!!!

After that the moemnt still this mind too many feeeels away!!!!!

Like you just wanna stay somewhere be somewhere and only come out after this rush subsides I say!!!!!!

Just like that how just like that one someone becomes all of this away…how just like that one smile could make you feeeeel all this away!!

THAT one face!!!!

 It just got that bad awkward after that like you make sure not to step out of the office for a bit till she comes back discussing bout some design mishap and what to do to fix it…..

There are moments charlie sudddneky you feel like it’s just you all by yourself ekdum se and look around for a place to just hide away for a bit and come out once it gets better even if be it under the table just so nobody can find you for a while and after it gets better you can come out back into the world……

She leaves her fone there one look at it try to reach out bring back your hand with the other second attempt third attempt and after goes ir…

There it was that one most loved circle I say and he got a adooooooooorable pup finally after lucky…

Was a retriever a page on his name check it and there he was there THERE HE WAS!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaay he held onto that pup charlie like a baby in hands his smileeeeeeee ayyyyaaaaaaaaa that smiiiiiiiiiileeeeeeeeeeeee it’s that smileeeeee of his charlie when it’s just looooooove rushing through him it’s that pure unfiltered love rushing through him be it suddenly standing beside you at his place he would just look at you beside and smileee that smile or there was this one picture of his with his sister too at some holiday hand over her shoulder smiling at her that very same smile or with his lucky playtime smile it was that veryyyyyyy same side smile of his!!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaay he looookjed that adooooooorably pure that innocent childlike smileeee it’s one of those faces of his that could make anybody smile away just by looking at him in that wry moment even writing ut out now ayyyyaaaaaaa this smile on you just wouldn’t go I say!!!!!!!! 

A day like this one…!

 Those moments there in your corner his music playing that one stare of mind to just relive those moments visually the very same way was something else…

It’s that part of you hidden away inside and suddenly it comes out visually the Him from those very moemnts be it his stare his constant stare looking you in the eye watching your every expression being with your every move holding you comforting you knowing……it was whole vibe of that scene your breath him smiling that smile watching your hand shiver smiling more this is me doing this to you smiles more cause how he loved that one transition of you from nothing to being all him away in an instance……

To think of it now what just his touch could do just a stare just a look even across the room like that moment you’ve never been that embarrassed cause the manager too senses that change in you as she watched you dig literally your nail away at the table it was that sudden rush of him charlie in that way it just felt that beauuuuuutifully weird like no control over something as strong rush as that one!!!!!!

Scent of him touch of him stare of him all of it suddenly rushing in that moment who bhi when you aren’t all by yourself and of all places at work amidst discussion and her looking at you……

Mins later she just comes sits beside and asks you the obvious question you knew was coming lemme guess you haven’t had and awkward silence and you get off and head back to the office…….

Even writing it out now something’s I tell you the way writing it out made it all the more weirder!!!!!!!!

One of those days!!!!!

This week a lil hectic and last two days this series of his dreams that definitely left your imagination running wild and how !!!!!!

Been weirdly beautiful somehow the way both the dreams felt strangely connected with the other like he is there in a way one dream and the next one starts from right where he left it the other day….almost felt like having met him and the other day comes again!!

To this day today working on different designs picture styles working with the image edits and stuff and head to the other office to discuss something with manager and she is working on one side some movie on her laptop and she gets off to attend some call and there was this scene that literally made you shiver that way after years obvious reasons Him…

She comes back still saying something you watching the scene hands over the table nail digging into the table literally the waaaaay it just made you feel……a scene first times the way the guy was supporting her with and through the moment guiding her way out holding her and all you could feel live relive was moments with him the very exact same moments with him……

U just get off head to your balcony spot play his music and just be……cause your mind by then these flashes of him from the very same moments be it the first time at opera not the chummi the somethings yih nust wanna write our soooooo bad like soooooo baaaaaddddddddddsdsddddd!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!

 These things that you have no absolute control over sometimes makes you wonder why you do the things that you do and then it comes down to that one face and this rush of happiness it fills you up and away with!!!!!

What do you even do bout this!!!!!

How did that one face in the world become all of this away for you slowly bit by bit the way it’s become this now to you just an glimpse and the aaaaaaay it’s left yo with this one smile on your face…

Auyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa him like no other I swear would wanna become that lil cute adorable pup away too!!!!!!

THAT one face that one smile and your poooora heart right there!!!!!!!!

A different kinda morning…!

 It was the longest working day yesterday but through the day this one feeeeel of him to just make yourself feel that sense of him for real and deleting some pictures clearing out space find this one…taken at his dd space with his lights that one connection of dreams to reality, existence for real self believ kinda feel!!!!!

Also when some pictures make you feel how lucky is that person in the reflection in that very moment how happy she truly was in that very moment…everything in her rushed with that level of happiness content LOVED and just happpy!!!!

To the day today and a day like this one the feeeeeels I swear donno where to start or more like how to start!!!!!

When a track makes you feeeel away relive away things that you tend to avoid reliving for obvious reasons and then there he is with the track!!!!!

It’s been weird wit no dreams lately and then comes down to the moments with stretch post workout!

Had to switch quite a few cause the mind I tell you as you stumble upon on a new find of some artist he had back then recommended and you just stop the waaaaay every lil detail of him moments throug and with the details rush through you……as you just lay there reliving them and that’s when it hits you how long it’s truly been having felt that way…

Switch to the track and this one you’ve always loved when feeling missing him this way of kaya project!!

It’s only today do you realise why it’s one of your favs the way it starts off with him slowly coming close holding your hands away from you moments with the beat the waaaaay it’s all that beauuuuutofully insync from startinf slow to that ONE rush of him that you live him through….

What he talked about back then of his way of love track about moments with you is that track today years after you felt the very same thing bout this one…

It’s the waaaaaaay he is just there charlie as the track plays as you move through the stretch the way you could just strangely feeeel him a moment you def want to write out…..this one stretch downward and then straight up stretching your neck and spine is when you felt him for real the most!!!!!!!

As weird as ajeeeb as it sounds something’s are just beyond logics and reality for that matter!!!!!!

Music sound of his music again exactly what he had always said when you miss me play my song you’ll feel me all around and over you…!

It’s a beautifully dilemmatic-l confused state of mind today…

When you feeeeel him this way miss him this way and then after all of it knowwwwwww!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly realise his absence!!!!!

It’s these lil feeels slightest of touch that sense of presence for real felt that pretty close almost kinds today in your waking state after years……

You were missed chipman!!!!!!!

This hour!!

 Comes down to this hour of the day with this one track playing and almost more than half asleep something playing on tv a lil tired and waaay toooo high on him…so much so the way this one track fataaak se brings a smile on your face cause he just rushed through you…

Waaaays he did!!!!!!

Beauty of some simplest of moments that are no less than magic…the way they can make you feel in an instant!!

It’s Him the way anything to do with him makes you feeeel this away ekdum see……

The missing this missing lately was he really for like real or a dream……all this while!!!!!!

Evrythung in you the way just misses him even as you look at your hands as you write him holding feeling your hand away rushes….he used to call it the love for freshly waxed hands running down his fingers gently to feel it!!!!!

One thing you write and the way it all starts to flow like right now…this one sigh no the heart lives and breathes in moments like these!!!!!

When you know from where to where only the mind just went……sound of some music no wonder this one feeeels just like all like all of Him… and HOW!!!!!!!!

Things you miss…!

 There’s been no dream since over 2-3 days and with it comes this wait for the morning Himlo moments!!!!!

Last night that sudden hit of that much missing when you just miss his presence for realTHAT bad!!!!!

Like the end of the day those moments of just you and your thoughts all by yourself with that one magical track playing on loop his face his lilst expressions his smiiiileeeeeee his nose twitch expression his sudden chuckle sudden nod sudden stare that one sound he makes when he likes some track playing that syncs along with his mood for the day every lilst detail of him and you missed still miss that bad seeing living it for real feeling him for real seeing him for real touching holding chumming him for real to just live him!!!!!!!!

When you recall and relive moments of living and feeling him away the way as long as it’s been ever since all of it feels like a dream now…….

Done with the workout and that wait for the moemnt and this need to play something else to experience him in a new way to live a new moment cause you know it’s stuck in your head with that one track glimpses of him from the drives !!!!!

This one this beautiful another of his musics it’s a new track new find but that beautifully smooth almost foam n froth like!!!!!

Bend downwards and there he was the way that moemnt felt like one with you like he was laying over your lap and looking upwards at you with you in that very moment right there!!!!!

It’s that look he used to give when laying over your lap that sudden twinkle in his eyes with that childlike smile almost…and you try to reach you with his nose ayyyaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeee whyyy o whyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

It’s this missing lately charlie this helpless it’s feeling different the way you miss him now……..it’s that very face sudden change in al of him soon as he lays over your lap be it near your apartment just before dropping you not wanting you to leave he would park a lil farther away and lay over your lap holding onto your leg for a while longer or be it at Versova suddenly comes over to your side of the couch and lays over your lap with that same sound adoooooooorable sound of sigh of hummy and does the same thing over thing…is why it’s the closest to your heart cause that meet felt like him coming back to you!! Almost!!!!!!!!!

Finding him back again…….!

It’s like the way he used to do the very things like he used to back then lil moments soon as he is close does the same things it’s like he remembers the tiniest of things in the most beauuuutiful of ways…….

As you write now this mind I tell you right now!!!!!!!!!

A love like this one…!

His face his orsence all of him charlie ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaa meraaa pooooora ka poooooora heart I swear!!!!!!!!!!!

You weee missed again this morning howleeeeee and HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I swear if only you knew!!!!!!

it’s this transition lilst of Him something leaves you with like even today it just felt almost magic like that oneness with him…..and this face transition soon after as you look at yourself it just does, always did something to you in inexplicable ways…!

To say it out!!!!

 Just this neeed to say it out loud almost falling asleep bhi dammmn I miss him sooo sooooo much charlie!!!!!!

This one sound absolutely completely soulfully all and everything Him!!!!!!!

Every tiniest lil beat or sound evrythung just all Him!!!!!!

A missing like this one too feeels this different!!!!!!!!!

Him trip!!!!!!

 Yet another morning and this THIS much HIM it’s suddenly filled you up with is beyoooooonf words!!!!!!!

Just happpy!!!!!!!!!!!

His hands pulllllling meeee so a new place!!!!!!!!!!!   

No dream but this one sound it’s like Him in a track everything to every lilst thing bout him summed in one track this beauuuuutiful!!!!!

It’s not the lyrics not just the lyrics but there’s something bout this one track charlie that hit you this way this waaaaaaay liege you are in this him flight mode off the ground kinda feeet mind mode it’s set you in!!!

Workout done play this powders sublo moment it was and HOW!!!!!!!

As the track plays head downwards every lil glimpse of him driving and you lost in him lost in every lil detail about his face and the way he slowly suddenly turns to you and that one smile on him that one smiiiiiileeeeee just noticing you lost in him that one smileeeee and a zillion moments of the same like everything around behind him blurs away it’s just him that one moment of him smiling at you lost in him and your heart every single time in that very moment I love Him!!!!!!!

It’s like everything in you every lil cell to biggest of organs feeels it away like in your core you just know this is it bas it’s Him!!!!!!!!!

Decade later today in that very moment reliving those very moments of him that same feeeeeel all over again I still love Him!!!!!!   

Something’s you just donnoooo why what or how still how bit this very feeeeeling charlie this very feeeeel your heart feeeels with lilst of something him and bas that’s it that’s all that matters!!

From a rushed workout to the way you just lay there with this track playing in the ears smiling away just like that it’s like him in a song the feeeeeel the mooood of the track has become your ultimate fav most one cause it’s just Him all of him in one song!!!!!!!

And yet again how only you are being missed you gorgeous lil big annoying howleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! Said it before can say a zillion times over if only you had the slightest of idea!!!!!!

Like it’s mostly been post workout selfie but today in between the downward stretch in that very moment mood vibe you just had to save it away!!!!

 

Mornings!!!!!

 Wit no dream this morning which you this THIS bad wanted to there was this wait inside like no definite way to skip the workout today!!!!!!!

That very moment post workout the stretch play a track no vibe play the second one and ayyyaaaaaaa that rushhhhh of him!!!!!!

The very exaaact feeeels of him in the mornings!!!!!!

The way it starts of first sniffing his orsence away to the sound of his heartbeat that close to you to the slow sound of his deep breaths as he suddenly comes close and starts to nestle away around and over your neck!!

Looking for his comfort spot his hair over your neck him moving holding you to that moment of finally finding that comfort spot and that one deeeep breath sound he makes and then slowly falling asleep…….writing reliving it now with the sound and you realise it was something he did back then too for real and not just the morning dreams…

After a chat till the almost morning hours he insists demands rather that you have to be the first thing he sees soon as he is up…this was a post bup moment again something which he used to pehle bhi asking you to come directly to his room so that he sees you first and used to leave the door open for you…

That day too you in dilemma cause it was the back door that you had to use and you cal him once there and he realises you couldn’t come straight away cause in his head he said it in a way like he used to before…..and comes out to open the gate for you!!!!

In between moments and the way he suddenly holds you and does the very same thing nestling around your neck and falls asleep……

SOMETHINGS!!!!!!!!! As you recall and write now!!!!!!!

Whattaaa start it’s already been ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa him your pooora ka poooooooora walking talking breathing heart right out there!!!!!!!!

Through the stretch that feeeeeeel strongly around your neck with the sound that scent of him feeeel of him the sound of his heart beats!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeee morning morning only howwwww only you are being missed I say!!!!! 

How nowwwwwww!!!!!!!!

Some smiles you just can’t get off I say!!!!!!!! THAT one feeeeel of his presence!!!!! 

Longing…!

 Sharing this track with him years back lil did you know back then how much of a yearning the track is laced with!!!!!

Of all the names kalpataru or al the track names moonbloom!!!!!

This time of the night your moment your time of living feeeling him away and how!!!!!

Like all of your moments throug the day of missed him living him in ways with visuals and sounds or the waking up in the morning it all comes down to this hour of your day and now having smfound this track back after years the waaaaaaay it’s al Him!!!!!!

Everything him every lil him that you’ve lived over the years or even back then moments lived with him living him the way it keeps taking you back to that one moment every single time he would come that upclose hold your hands away from you and just look you in the eye that one moment of living every lilat detail about him to that rush that one rushing throug you the way her voice brings back those details about him brings that one feeeeeeeel you used to feeel every single time in that moment!!!!!!!

Something’s SOMETHJNGS!!!!!!!! This nite this sound THAT him I swear!!!!!!!

It always felt like revisiting reconnecting with him living his details the way it felt like you’ve always lived him that way you’ve always known him felt him that way that one second of suddenly that closest to you to just live him live that moemnt!!!!!!!

You are!!!!

 The more you read or come across the stronger it resonates with you!!!!

You are truly what you are when no one’s looking !!!!!

And you alone know what and how it resonates with you!!!!

On levels more than one…

Today in that moment when you see the shoe you see him like that second of rush of him being lost in him a zillion time as he walked across the gym waking that block walk of his across the lobby towards his fone with it not even ringing most of the times he just used to do that to come across you and he did get that attention from you every single time without missing out ayyaaaaaaaa the waaaaaay he used to look that adooooooorable charlie doing that walk even today sometimes when you see kids doing the same thing that one sigh hugest sigh your heart lived in that moemnt there’s no other like Him I say I swear!!!!!!!

To that second when you realise it’s not him with the sound and move away to just listen to the word twining again cause it was one of those things that you THAT bad wanted to wear with him few years back…..

This thing bout writing something’s and realise the difference you used to, back then how some words can make you realise and feel the gap of time all the more nai!!

Weird ass crazy some words can be nai suddenly!!!!

One of those things!!

 The black shirt that you’d worn today was also one of those things that you’d saved to wear it with him some day that you finally decide to wear today…..going throug the same stack of clothes this morning!!!!

Stuff worn wit him stuff wanting to wear with him his stuff worn it’s like this section of your wardrobe that’s most closest to you outfits wise also the section you most avoid going throug…..

But today you just felt like blame it on the Sunday vibe per usual I say!!!!!

Sound of His music…!

 All this while right after his birthday he stopped posting on his story strangely even last night that one wait for her to leave the fone just so you could check on him something anything and doesn’t happen and that one feeeel hoping he is fine and all ok…..cause it’s been the longest he hasn’t posted story wise bhi….

To that one moment today just when you were living those moments with him on the terrace be it the Holden hour moments of him coming over or just those evenings dropback home where some more time with you and you had this terrace corner where he just wanted you to be with him…..for some more time before he heads home…

To just those rush of missing moments and running to that corner of the terrace and just be lost in each other it’s like suddenly too much of him in that moemnt with visuals of the terrace and the sudden realisation of there you were years after standing there reliving him in a familiar place all by yourself and some random white shoe happens making you feel sense of his orsence to landing almost an actual one wit the sound of his music…

Of all the songs it had to be that very one in that very moment walk out plugging the song on loop and she comes over saying you are again having your kiri Moment that’s what she calls it now and you finally decide to head back home…..

On your way back this strange feeel everytime it hits another year thing it’s that weird that you don’t wanna write out and kill this vibe that you are feeling right now…

Work hasn’t been easy lately as you switch to another complete different palette of designs like venture into a different pattern of design and with it comes a lot more planing organizing bits but amidst all this there are these moments of him be his name be his voice that suddenly comes close and whispers something away or just that sound of his music experiences you live through the dreams and the way it all brings you back to your actual reality that you live - Him…

Moments realisations experiences again that sort of diminish away the dilemma of the reality…….that keeps coming back knocking with something or the other!!

It’s like you live these just so those doubts are clarified like connecting the dots kinda vibe always….!

Things you just donnoooooo what why or how, it’s the way it brings Him along charloe like fills that distance gap of his absence away reconnects you with him and HOW!!!!!!

White shoe moment!!!!

 Out today to your managers new year party with her family and friends as she insisted you come 

Finally there eating chatting looking out reliving your penthouse feeels as she had a penthouse like her parents house too much crowd and you get a call from Vishruta head out to take it and then stay there looking at these iron stairs metal stairs like back from the terrace imagine him there and somebody just walks up looking down white shoe and that rush suddenly look up and some random guy starts off saying oh is this some coincidence we are twinning or you did on purpose and you ignore manager walks upto you introducing some jay and vish calls again as there was some network issue earlier and Lavanya mentions oh forgot to tell you Shriya has special skills of being invisible when some guy walks upto her……

It’s that feeeeel charlie almost same as that like it doesn’t even matter or even plain simple doesn’t exist for you……

U give attention worth to something that means to you something if it’s not you just simple don’t…

To you it’s all that easy and yet that complicated for you…

That moment today for some strange crazy reason you thought it’s him as you were already lost and high on him watching the stairs looking out from the terrace or it was the strongest beer you’ve ever had……as you were almost heading out taking her call that very same second taal nahi saamne plays rush back inside her hour and it was a ar Rahman playlist playing…….that THAT one rush of him like he was right there then and there with you when you missed him the mostest!!!!!!!!

The One…!

This one line came across too many times friends movies random coincidences how do you know it’s the one when it’s the one……

There’s no sudden rush of magic that happens there’s no logic that someone will come and speak to you to tell you to explain you bow to pick that one you just are bound to know sooner or later…

In your case it happened the very first time you loved that stare that moment with him throug. That mirror him trying to tie the shoe lace and looks at you through the mirror the waaaay it just held you right there the way it made you live that shift experience that shift then and there and it’s stayed with you ever since……..

And then there are moments like these that you live lived throug the years months days minutes and seconds of your day…….that makes everything living in you feeweeel that sense of him feeeeel that something that holds you away the same way like it did back then….

No words no logics no justifications or explanations just plain feeewls I say!!!!!!!

It’s what and how you feeeeel in those moments tha are just beyond you!!!!!!!

It starts slow and before you know you land in this world where all you sense feeel live love can make any sense of is just Him…

It’s suddenly all him in an instance and you lose sense of everything qround even be it at the studio busiest of days chaotic of moments and suddenly there you are getting off and away plugging into his music and just living that rush of him away in a world of your own and that very moment and how and what it makes you feeeel like is something else……

Kabhi lagta charlie to witness the other side cause you’ve lived this all of this all these years in his absence would it all be the same even if he was like unblocked like would you still be able to live moments feeels like these dreams like these or it’s his absence that makes it stronger!!!!   

Strange rotation!!!!!

 It’s this mind on a constant whirlwind mode the way it suddenly just surrounds you away with all things him like you can’t look feel live love beyond that swirl of wind surrounding you away!!!!!!

Constantly looking and then sometimes unintentionally finding yourself in that zone of him without even subconsciously doing something to land into that trip of him……

Out for. That movie that day this feeeeel of too much him from the day before night evening rather as he comes back from Bangalore and straight comes and sees you cause he did plan in advance the next day for the movie with his sister and Mango out……

So that day wanting just that time wit you to seeking him living him feeeeling him away that day evening rather like no other also first time being introduced to his cellphone quote unquote kinda thing this only mind where to where it goes and howwwwww!!!!!!

To the movie wearing his t shirt another day with too many feels and versions of him lived to just feeeeling that drop on your birthday from the reality that sinking feeeeel that lands you back into the reality into the now that same sense of losteness looking around finding yourself all by yourself looking around trying to make sense of everything 

To finally some days ago this series of the same tree dream making a comeback and how to places playing music that has to some thing or the rather to do with trees to finally the golden hour staying up late reading his chats missing him too much and finding this track youd sent him long long back moonbloom lil did you know you were soon going to live a version of another tree in the dreams to dreaming the same one after long and repeatedly 

It’s like suddenly it introduces reintroduced away all the feeeeels that you used to miss the wishes made at some point the same wish lived with him same feeeel lived with him over a moment over Skype call with him where he immediately also senses that sudden shift in you soon as he says it and then says abhi nai time hai usko lil did you know nai even then

Something’s you recall as you write now and this sudden feeeel now

Kiri kurkuri!!!!!

 back to the birthday timeline again another hear when you forget bout your birthday and then suddenly almost like a some switch gjrns off some shift like suddenly you feel realise away way too much......

Be it the block be it the distance be it distancing you away be it how many years of wait it's been like way too much stuff that you don't wanna linget over right now cause it's zeeewe moooood Charlie today ayaaaaaaaaa that one face in the world I sweat

Soooo ya to the movie Avatar at inobrot mall to seeing the crossword book store where he got you blink from to just the moments that day to through the movie when Lavanya says yes you are Kiri exactly like Kiri and his sound then n there meri kurkuri hai tu when too much lovehe also used to call you that!!!!!!

Throifbthempvie that one feeeeelcharlie of the then and now and watching living the moments of Kiri and her love for wonder amdwander same as you now.......

Which nobody else gets it but you it's like you alone know what you are looking for who you are looking for rather any experience that makes you feeeel live even a bit of him tabhi k tabhi it's that one thing constant in you and the waaaaaay it makes you feel away in your own constqnt world of wonder for and of him.......music in world out everything else just disappears it's just him rushing through you with and to the sound...

Sound of music....

 There's this beauuuuuty of plugging into the sound of music like not listening to it out loud like just to your ears alone speaking away whispering away just to you alone that close to you like it almost that beautifully slow moves you makes you travel to into another world just like that......there's something bout luetning to it this way just to your ears alone this close like you feel away all things that much more deeply

It's like a journey of it's own some experience that's beyond words and logic exactly how his dreams feel this feeeeeeel this rushhhhhhof him now like you came down to write something and the mind feeeeelinf away waaaay too much something else blame the mateus I say or a night like this one 

This scent of winters in the air the waaaaay it always this hour of the night takes you back to those dropping you back home or seeing you at this hour sometimes 

Mind right now!!!!!!! There's this part of you just wanting to move to the way its making you feel now and almost all of you wanting to write out the moments feels lately ever since the movie avaryar or your birthday it was

Days like these!!!!

 Some days some moments and THAT much him you are rushed up with!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes you just donnooo what to goo with!!!!!!

The reality or moments like these from your so called reality!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeee you gorgeous lip big adoooooorable thing bow only you were missed today again!!!!!!!

Zarrraaaaaa if only you had the slightest idea!!!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaathat one face that one presence in the world for you like no other I say!!!!!!