Lilst moment of Khushi!!!

 Lilst joys of life I say in moments like these!!

To C the moon kinda moment…!

Mornings!!!!!!

 Sound n scent of monsoon every single time this heart I say!!!!!!!! Gets that overfilled with all him right from the very start to the Dd meet!!!!!!

Heavy rains with thunder n jazz and night of reading cause every time there’s this urge to write out you hold back with this strange hope now…with that sudden random realisation weeks back bout how when you did start this trip of writing him out there was no meeting him for real kinda strange of you think of it now!!!!!

And this one line that beauutofully insync they can’t understand it cause they haven’t felt what you’ve felt kinda thing…..

Words again vibe of their own the ways they can resonate with you is beyond words and logics !!!!!

Last one week se this one thing you really want to get a tattoo and it was last night you find this beautifully simple one line art chip squirrel earlier it was a bird flight mode that you really wanted now contemplating between the two……for now mind him high again looking for him even in the dream state!!!!

Squished in the workout again with this strange state of mind!!!!!!

One of those days!!!

 Sundaaaays the youdaaaaays!!!!!!

A lil too highhh to write for once can never thank enuf for the auto protect pitruupooja mlorninv kinda start to the fab latest whitetemple caus it has the moooooooosstetsttt beautiful Sanghi Wibes like thee second u there all u cans think feeel live is him awaaaay and howwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeee

Mind feeeet pooooora poooooora dilll of the ground today I say!!!!!!

Just happpppy but am notttt where l wannnaaa beeee chalieeeeeeeey!!!!!!!!

Sanghiiiday became the youdaaay!!!!!!!

Feeeels!!!!!

 Morning started with toooo many feeeels all at once the waaaaaaaays he comes!!!!!!!!!!

Mind be it yesterday last night most importantly and this almost continuation sort of vibe this mornings dream!!!!!!!

Mind heart every lilst organ I say inside waaaay too many feeels feeelin away!!!!!!

Lilst space for sleep finally get in squish in the workout long day ahead not sure how you are going to cope up with this deeels state of mind cause it’s definitely showing up in your expression questions already!!!!!

Sometimes nai lagta who Kuch log nai hote Kuch bhi Karlo face pe expressionich nai dikta be it happy or sad good or bad luckiest ones I tell you in situations like these!!

Lilst of something of him and the waaaay it just just shows that evidently on your face , blessed are the lot who know the art of hiding away expressions I say!!!!

Again where to where only it went!!

FILMS!!!!!

 Films are nothing but life's experiences being re written down being shared!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!

it's the waaaaay he talks bout her shares things bout her shares him watching her loving her from a distance was like living him feeeeling him holding you from the back at opera and sharing you with you......like through that one scene you felt him the STRONGEST him feeling your hand away holding tighter closer and sharing you with you......

Some moments nai charlie when you lived it like literally lived every sec every breath of that specific moment even with the movie dialogue playing you could almost hear the beauuutiful quietness if the opera with his music playing lowest vol possible his music system being lowered cause he didn't like the bright light to shine through the car all dark no sound nothing just him talking shairjg you nd his love for you holdinf you......

That whole experience of watchjng feeeling him through that scene was something else!!!!!!!

To another one where his dad tries to embarrass him before every ody else with his career choices and she stands up for him same feeel when some morning at his place and some business magazine on the table and his dad talks bout the same with his career choice and you just mention everything takes time to excel be it business or his like of career it just is about time.....and the way his dad says something to you that beautiful again don't wanna repeat high hope vibes totally and the way the waaaaaaay his face lights up in that moment his dad leaves to get ready and him in ishaara asking you to come over to his room.....the second you are there the waaaay he just holds you away just that one hug no word nothing at all just holding you tightest even after doesn't say a word just that one smile glued on him throhfthe day!!!!!!!

There was that one thing charlie donno how or why to protect him like you would fight for him with anybody like back then even with your mom that prolly wssbthe first time you lived that feeling of being fearless not caring a damn thing bout you taking a stand for him and just saying never again anything bout him...like that was the first time you ever spoke that way!!!!!

To just protect him came that naturally to you...!

Mix of toooooo many beautiful feeeels tonight!!!!!!!!!!

That one Him i swear!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This one film made you relive tooooo much him the versions of him somehow slipped with time and tus beauuuuutifully refreshed in your mind......

This THIS rush of him!!!!!!!!!!!!

If only you could runnnnnn away to just hold him away abiii k abi this very moment missed him again like neevr before today!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!!!!!!!!

 To the other one when the guy starts to share things bout her with her cause all that while she always thought him to be a flirt and not the one woman kinda guy.....which also was the same with you when you tell him how you always thought him to be easy kinda guy and not the relationship kinda guy......at opera mostly hum holding you away and sharing you with you post moments was somethunf he loved!!!!!like LOVED!!!!!!!!

and the way he would start off as how he always somehow used to stare at you from distance and it wasn't bout how you looked or something he just loved watching you and it used to make him smile make him happy make him laugh as you struggle to get the weights right like he would just watch you do evrything wrong but with persistence and confidence like you were nailing it......and he actually used to repeat his sets to just watch you líke he used to wait for that hour of his entire day.....and the conversation also did start with him asking you for the bench you wr4 working on and later at opera tells you didn't even need it back then.....and shows you the right way to do so but the next day again you would go back to the wrong way.....

In the movie he talks bout how evrything bout her fascinated him even the way she would type something over laptop or dab her lipcolor away over the tissue.....like it was her details that made him wanna watch her....

In those moments when he woukdn share these details bout you there was you feeeeling that same feel....for you though it started micb later cause he was watching you much befire your first mirror moment with him...to you it started after that!!!!!

Cause after the first initial meet with him at the door wit his walk you never saw him around cause you did start going to the weight section much after.....and he would come an hour early than you.....

To you it was after mirror moment the way to just watch him around used to leave with that sense of something that one strong pull...like even him passing by side eye looking at you while walking across the gym to check his fone and thus one time he just walks to the fone still looking at you and you definitely looking back doing some weird leg weight shit over the seat.....reaches the fone checks ut and that adooorably shyllly smiles saying I definitely thought it was ringing...ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa exaaaaactly thus beauuuuuuty n magic of writing him out!!!!!!!!!!

Suddenly the waaaaaaay lilst of details of him come alive and HOW!!!!!!!

this mind tonight i saaaaay!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeee baaaaahhhhhhh tummmmm kitttaaaaaaaaa zoooooor seeeee yaaaaaad areeee miyaaaa abi k abiiii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!;;!

MOMENTS!!!!!!

 From that moennt to the next one being where she starts to copy him away the way he lays over places his hand moves his head rolls his eyes and soon as he comes close to her shies away!!!!

This again him noticing that bout you liking loving that bout you and then sharing it with you....you used to do the same when with him in the car sometimes on drives when you know he is upset over something else n just wanted to get away for a long drive nowhere specifically n you just start doing the exact thing most of the things he would do....Ike touch his face try to sort his hair or change music and you change it back move n stretch his back his shoulder whilst driving you doing the exact same thing him saying something you repeating it over and the way he suddenly would stop the car to the side stare at you and suddenly come that close to your face not chummi you just stay that waaay just that closest to your face and look you in the eye THAT used to make youfeeel awaaaay a ZILLUON things all at once!!!!!!!

It's that immediate feeeel and mix of shyness along with wanting him to just chummi you away to say the least!!!!!

It's like that sudden switch from him being distant to THAT close to you ekdum see!!!!!

Some SOME MINENTS you write and thus feeeeeeeeling even as you relive and write now and cannn easily seee the spelling slipping away hands shaky!!!!!!!!!

Some feeeeeeeeels!!!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!!!!

Working on sorting out the dates and designs to be worked on date wise color palette wise and stuff.....

Mind keeps flying away with his music playing the way it that beauutifully keeps drifting off n away to the moment from this morning feeling his face that close to you to just relive him his beauuutiful details from that upclose even in your head it's what it does to your mind!!!!!!

Beyond BEYOND words!!!!!!!

Play some recent released movie seems regular corporate stuff get on with your work and gin with his music still playing.....and this one sound of the scene that you weren't even watching made you stop the work and rewind and watch it again just cause of that one line that beauuuutiful echo of his chat from Bangalore......after which you actually hear him say that to you!!!!!

The line from the movie I love the sound you just made it was through a chummi scene!!!!!!

Sharing things that you missed physically bout him and him bout you like that was your first " chat......and throufb the likes he mentions it the same way I love the sound you always make when I chummi you i just love hearing it even through the moment!!!!!

That was in words and ayyyaaaaaaa the waaaay he says it out again when you ask him the same over the call he just sounded that beauuutifully different charlie just different.....saying it over it's like you live it fullyyy as you make the sound!!!!!!

There was that thing as you watch the moemnt inn the movie and relive your zillion such moemnts be it losing yourself in him from distance or just with that slightest touch of him it just used to tranform you completely and HOW!!!!!!

Like you know suddenly lose the sense of your own self body wise mind wise in a way immerse yourself away wholefully in the other in the moemnt feeeling him living him away completely!!!!!!!!

The sound of the moemnt today the reliving of such moemnts of your own the feeel of him of his presence to just relive that feeeeeeel of him in that way after long it all is just feeeeling this beautifully worse!!!!!!!

Just donnoooo!!!!!!!!!!

What why how!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments n films!!

 This definitely was a mush movie after decades prolly like you tooootally stay away from movies like these and this was absolutely accidental!!!!!

Dint know it was a mush one and had definitely no idea it would trun out to be one rerun of your own story or atleast excerpts of your own story visually!!!!!

Like literally living him breathing him feeling him awaaay througbthe many moments of the film...not naming it here cause this one stays closest to you!!!!!

How do things like these even happen like it was ditttoooooo almost everything him!!!!

This mind missing him the mostest craziest wildesssttteat baaaadest it's ever missed him his face his voice him just standing him just moving him just him al of him ayyyaaaaaaaaa this now forver going to take to tame to subtle this mind now i say!!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeee if only i swewaaaar if only you had the slightest idea of how you are being missed abiiiii k abiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!

THIS mind!!!!!!!

 Some movies daaaammmmnnnnn!!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuuutiful ironically beauuuuutiful state of mind às it is not sure wver since his smoke pic series of dreams or these moments in the mornings of feeeeeling him that close to you like facially that close to your face in your waking state with this gorgeous sound of music.....

It's theeeee things it's doing to your mind I say and now this one movie moments through the film this mind it's left you with!!!!!!!!!

Chippyyyyy you gorgeous lil big annoyingly adoooooooorable thing how only you were missed in this very moemnt right now if you only knewwww!!!!!!!!!! Slightest bhi!!!!!!!!

Lo loooowwee!!!!

 This sub loveeee stuff literalllllllyyyyy his vibes I saaay!!!!!!

Just that mooody it just gives out allllll his vibes!!!!!!!

Yesterday when the manager brings over his childhood fav orange candy post that one ONE dream of his the waaaay it felt sooo in sync that you almost waiiited in sleeep for another one last night!!!!!! She thought it’s your fav so picked it up for you from the dosa diner place and that Khushi of seeeeing things to do with him the waaaaay it woooosh bolke brings him along!!!!

Woke up with no absolute dream not even a sec of his sighting and this feeeeeel immmediately switched to workout even when you had to reach studio early!!

Like you just had to rush one!!!!!

And this feeeeeeeel these sub loweee tracks give out I swear!!!!!

His moves his stares him all in lilst of beat I say!!!!!

Or just your misseeeing high mind soaking it up!

Jo bhi ho the viiiiiiibe thaaat vibe of Him!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaa like walking talking breathing psy Beedi of gorgeousness I say!!!!!!

Something’s nai kitttaaa bhi try Karoo no matter how hard bas ghuskeeeee has become you now I say!!!!

Morning vibes!!!!!

First and foremost this sudden realisation today post workout yoga movements this usual habit of playing sub low stuff with these stretches post workout and this one track you stumble upon and like always the way waaaaay that closeness of him in that very moment like his face his eyes his noseeee that close to your face that one moment of living him on top from that THAT ACLOSE and the second you tell him you are beautiful and the waaaaaaaaaaay his face complete face transforms away in that very instance……….that one moment every single time you relive from his Dd house your pooooora heart n life right there in that moment…..the realisation bit was he made you feel sexy inside out somehow!!!!!!!

That one moment today as you stretch downwards and feeeeel his face away with and to the sound that same feeeeel back again!!!!!!! 

Morning from where to where only it went now it’s going to take forever for this moood to settle away I say!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeee YOU gorgeous lil big adooooorable thing how only you were missed abhi k abhi!!!!!!

Him Rushes!!!!!

 This thing bout writing him out like right now with this one memory trip and the waaaaay that him this beauuuuutifully comes alive this state of mind right now!!!!!!

How's this even this beauutifully still clear after all these years his face his voice his sound the moment that feeeeel of him his expressions that squeak in his voice as he in that adooooorable tone of voice screams out karely!!!!!!

THE happiest you've ever been in your life EVER!!!!!!!!!!

this sudden feeeeeeeeeeeel right now just reliving the moemnts playing in your head...... just to watch him hear him live him him be his adoooooooooorable goofy adooorabke self!!!!!!!

That sound of his screams his chuckle him screaming at you in a adorable way his tone of voice when he was trying to razaaak ekdum se switching away to show you the signs of his love for you!!!!!!!

The more you write now this feeeeeeeel charlie THIS feeeel!!!!!!!

It's this off late realisation not knowing why or how the way it all changed soon after you started to write him out.....he just stopped meeting talking chatting whatsoever with you strangeky after you started to write......maybe also why recently even if it's the worst possible urge to write him out you stay off with thatvone hope... strangely donno why but the way like keeping off would change it back again......

Mind i tell you sometimes moves along with the ways of the heart going completely mindless...!

Chipkalyy!!!!

 Today mom comes along at work work done on your way back and suddenly that one scream chipkalyy!!!!!

She was in the front seat and the chipkali was outside Venky gets off takes care of it but the waaaay it left that one big moment of Him with you.....

This morning the dream the waaaay it in the most beauuuuuuuutiful way answered away the missing feeeels of him with his presence.....the mind today was in a different world altogether!!!!!

Like you know how you struggled through the day to have a straight face on with the rush of him rushing through you......sometimes when he comes with that BIG of a hope like this morning there's this dilemmic lil celebration that takes place onside ofbyou......not being sure if to just awaaaay away with the feeels that it filled you away with or to try and understand and take ti to be just a dream.....

To that chipkali moment!!!!!

U doing some arm weights and him at that pull workout thing you with his headphones on he asks you in ishara to take it off and as you do he asks you so what do I call you.....and you still being the blonde you were say your name again and the way he adds yaaa ofc I know but that's for the others I want something to just call you that I call you as......nah still don't get it and he goes one to the next ok karela as your surname is karkera or kakarkayi in Telugu or chipkaly cause you called me as chipmunk so how bout you chipkaly and we are a team.....

And you actually tell him you liked the sound of karela and but as you are a girl and he screams with that much Khushi so its karely then...!

Some names this one name poooora heart even writing it out now after THIS long this one smile it left you with in this very moment.......that THAT much love he used to say it with!!!!!

The THAT sound of him...!

Have this conversation bout how you never had any nickname never had one Ghar ka name too and he starts of asking what he wanted to call you as.....that was your actual first nickname ever.......

Nobody before not even your mom had one for you!!!!!

It's this almost magic like thing evry single time you relive and write out a memory from back then and this tho wasbthe most initial ones the waaaaaaay it still is THIS very clear like it wasn't 10-13 years back but just bout yesterday.....there in that gym space with him with him that close his headphones over your ear him making those adoooooooooorable faces away lifting weights and you just lost in that something of him that always made you pause and live him away no matter what!!!!!!

Just feeeels!!!!!

 As and when you see couples in moments like these random ones not the mush ones gooding around just walking chatting away joking sway the random ones this one feeeeel of him of the moments with him at the mall people watching inside jokes around people just the random moments that feeeeeel of him is what you miss......

It's never been bout missing being with someone it's always been bout missing being with him all these years....that feeelbof him that closeness of him that scent of him that touch of him that visual of him to live him in random moments like these to live these random moments of goof too akd not just the love bits.....

That one feeeeeeel of him that always comes along with moments like these....even him standing in the que and in ishaara pointing out how the lady behind kept gêttunf closer to him despite of the que not having moved a single person ahead....and you ask him in ishara if he wanted you to save him in ishara and he gets it exactly....once back he starts off I don't understand why people keep touching others away in que even if the line is not moving ahead how is it even getting em any closer to the counter just by getting close to the others in que.... Or in traffic too!!!!!

Same thoughts yesterday but the way it left you with just that happy vibe of visuals of him from back then.......that whole vibe of Him he himself was ONE vibe i tell you charlie!!!!!!

Like a walking talking moving mooooooooood he was!!!!!!!

Shoulder Tap...

 Just the vibe of yesterday's morning dream and that feeeeeeeeel it just overilled you with like the mind all of you just in that zone...this book too talks bout how just being in that one zone actually gives you clarity and peace of mind amidst chaos...like you need to learn that art of knowing how to allow your mind yourself to find that one zone where you can find that peace at......even in the busiest hours of your day right in between something to just be able to switch off to that one zone you call your own wjere you find peace at gives you that clarity.....

To you it's always been that Him zone that your mind that naturally flows away into even in the busiest hour of thebsay even in the most crowdest of places doing something busy at something and something of Him just with that slightest touch of anything Him and the waaaaay it just that beauuuutifully pulls you off n away to everything him...it's that feeeeeeeo suddenly charlie like everything around suddenly switches off and all you can feeel think live feeeeeeel is just Him.....

On your way to the mall to get a few things finally cause it's been very hectic at work with early mornings to late nights so with the Him state of mind you start the day pretty late wake up late give yourselfbthat extra hour of sleep extra laze of Him as you keep switching sides with his music plugged in and that THAT much him rushing through you from the morning dream.....

On your way to the mall his music playing with lilst beautiful random moments of him through the traffic.... in orbit it was!!!!

Again one of his places him gifting you the first book His Blink right there holding your hand for the first time ever even as just friends over escalator and still not used to it....

Done shopping at the billing counter and this sudden touch over your shoulder behind you see this guy with girl his hand over your shoulder resting his fone whilst texting away and you request to maintain distance and the girl starts off in Marathi it actually genuinely made you happy for some reason connecting it away with Bombay and she instead thunks it to be out of sarcasm and you try to tell her babe you are overreacting and that only worsens the whole thing away......note to self never NEVER tell someone they are overreacting when they are actually doing so......keeps saying shit Marathi abuses and it only kept going waay worse and the guy looks at you apologisjng saying it was his mistake and the girlfriend just misunderstood it and then she again gets mad at that too when the boyfriend talks to you smiling away and you just again try to calm her away and walkout and she is still going at all.....the smile on your face prolly made the whole thing worse MUCH worse but I swear charlie merseee nai hua.....

Cause in that moment first it was the sound of Marathi andbthat sudden Khushi cause he just rushed throufbyou versova the moemnt of versova rushed through you and then it was the whole vibe of girlfriend fighting it for her boyfriend like you did back then at the gym for him take his side for it even just as friends and almost lovers.....

It was that feeeeeel ayyyyaaaaaa those were the times wali vibe.....to just that idea n visual of him standing in the que at the movies for his caramel popcorn and soneóne standing behind him closest to him and his thought over it which you felt thevsame yesterday after all these years!!!!!

Some moemnts and visuals you relive every single time you write it out like this THIS sudden rush of him now!!!!!!!

Sound of Him...!

 Is this really normal that when you've missed that just that one someone for waaaaaay too long you find them in random moments like they actually give out that vibe of just held your hand and took you off n away from the reality and backnin that very moment that you've lived them with...

Like things like these are normal and happen to the others with the others too!!!!!

That one feeeeeling of from the sound of the crowd around people around a zillion other random moments around there's that one sound of Him out of nowherw just holding your hand and taking you off n away with all things him rushing through you!!!!!

Who bhi when you'd least expected in that very moment of all the shor and people around...there's that beautifully slightest touch of Him and off you go and HOW!!!!!!

 Be it yesterday at the mall or today too.....when you are doing your best trying your best to get a hold on yourself on your mind on all of you and then there's are these moemnts of Him that take all of you back again to evrything Him.........

That one face that one Him in the world I say like no other ever...!

Him talking…!

 When  this book literaaalllly feels like it’s Him talking not Tim talking, the more you read you just don’t wanna put the book down…!

Cause it feels like Him talking!!

When he used to talk bout how they thought him to be crazy for the profession and him talking bout how excellence can only be achieved if you are a lil crazy like you’ve got to be crazy enough to follow your passion in life to achieve it…years after people now think you to be crazy when you decide a sudden change in game plan at work or any abrupt changes!!

Moooood!!!!!

 This state of mind this moooood just this beauuutifully high on him even with no dream this morning!!!!!!

Is when you know that’s how some moments meant to you that’s how much you’ve lived looooooved that feeeeel of living his presence !!!!!!

Alsooooo charloe meet Aparijita a beautiful his blue toned wild flower u just got this twig home cause the leaves looked beautiful close to the studio!!!!!

It only recently started to bloom these gorgeous pastel blue blooms mostly it comes out on sundays or mid week like blooms that way on these days also when you google it there are many commonly available colors in this but this one tone of blue is supposedly the rarest of all which Blue definitely is!!!!!

But when it blooms the way it blooms has a mood of it’s own curled up n away like still almost asleep curled away shyed away kinda texture look of the bloom…..

Also workout done and today mid workout this ting bolke realisation how it was same time you used to workout even at talwarkars and he actually used to come early pehle but knowing your time he actually switched his time just so he could be around when you are there at the gym… and this again he tells you much after with that same khushiii looking away shying away and sharing you with you and HOW!!!!!!

Something’s nai!!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeee you gorgeous lil big adoooorable sexy thing how only you were missed!!!!!!

Moments n mind...!

Years it's been charlie and yet lilst hint of him in anything nd the waaaaay it fills your heart away with that Khushi where in reality these are beautiful random moments sounds visuals memory trippin through the day but to you alone theyy mean the world cause they for that moemnt they allow you to feeeel away his presence any which way......

It's like you almost met him saw him heard him felt him touched him kinda vibe.....it's that level of Khushi that's beyond logics and reas9ns can't define exactly how it makes you feel.....it's almost like your mind is flying away with all of you still constant and grounded to the floor...

Grocery store just before heading home new place check out and the smile still there with his music playing and that one sight of him with that one smile of him andbthe waaaay it just is making you that happy nkn9w this is a dream High that you are rollin on for the time being but it just is feeeeeling this gooooood charlie.....

Kyaaa boluuu kaiseeee boluuuu what it meant to just see him finally at that one place in that one spot to watch him reaching out to hold your hand take your hand in his and just feeeel away saying it's been so long noo!!!!!

His voice his words his exact tone of voice even as you write and relive now!!!!!!!!!!

Again one question your mind wonders over for how long can you possibly miss someone that just that one face for and HOW MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeeels!!!!!

Some feeeels nai when you've longed yearned for it for waaaay tooo long for a moment for a feel for a presence andbthen when you even live it in a dream that felt that real it just overfills you with something that sort of makes all that yearning longing a lil better...like you were almost there filling it up away!!

Almost, pretty much...!

It's that feeeeel like every single person that gets to live him for real pass him by corss paths with him maybe also why when the hiroshima factor you see on his story months back hits you that bad cause even she got to live him for real like even she did it wasn't even that much about meeting and stuff its just that feeeeeling of having lived a misseeeing for that long a search of that many years and then you see him at his place of all 0paces at versova it just hit you on another level only!!!!!!!

Trying very very really hard to get a hold on all these feels to accept the reality the way it is now but moments like these charlie nai sort of diminish away that fine line between dreams and reality...and leaves you happy confused as to what sense do you even  make out of it......

To the waking up this morning and landing in his arms just that feeeeel of him touching your ear away with his lip whispering away something that prolly was after a decade almost shakes you up wake up......head to the window just be lvijgntye beauty of the most fav hour of the morning sky with that feeeel the waaaays it still brings him along at that very hour...

Go back to sleep skip workout for the day cause of an early meet and right at the breakfast about to skip it ajd your mom mentions as you are bout to get off aree Singh tho khaale and that one immediate reaction your face reacts and she doesn't get it just watches why you were smiling away take the whole thing with oh I love singh smile couldn't help it lift with random people smile still intact studio pe smile still there cause in your head the second you hear Singh tho khaalee that one visual of him loking all sexy throufb the smoke visual fataaaak se pops up.....mind i tell you ways and places it can take the flight off and away to and HOW!!!!!!

Heart Happy!!!!

 How do you experience something like this for no reason for real!!!!!

Like how something like even be it in the dream sake can make you feel away all this and this heart happy!!!!!

That one moemnt of finding yourself right infornt of him and who bhi of all places it was at versova just to liveeeeee his presence fiiiiiinallllly for real charlie like spent yeaaaars chasing people away in jams in crowds cafe restaurants lifts parking lots malls where not just so you could live his presence andbthen to live that moemnt of finding yourself living it his versova place was SOMETHING else only!!

Where even after the waking up reliving the moemnts the first touch the first smile of his the first holding your hand feeling away your hand still at distance to hearing his voice after years to just that one hug that same feeeeeel of hiding away from the world in all him to that first chummi after YEARS!!!!!!! To him actually making fun of you saying tu bhool gayi ye sab and the waaaaay he slowly comes closer to your ear and whispers that sexily it feels just like the first time all over again after all these years!!!!! To the moemnts lilst to biggest the waaaaaay it all just felt that real like it was happening for real his presence his voice his touch the complete feeeel of him that fuckingky reaaal!!!!!

Even writing it now this feeeeeeeeel it's filling you up with all over again!!

Last few days have been busy hectic mostly this time ar0und barely any sleep and then as and when you do this feeeeeeel of him it fills you away with its this this feeel charlie heart happy feeeels like no smile still on the outside struggling doing your best to hide away and inside there this carnival literally heart dancing away to every beat on the inside kinda vibe!!!!!

How you still donno why you still donno dream just? You still donno the waaaaay the heart all of you sways takes it to be all real cause again it felt that real!!!!!!!

Whose to say what's a dream and what's for real, noo!!

Chip Man!!

 When you take something just cause of the image on the pack - The Chip Man!!!!!!!

Lilst of Khushi’s like these and the heart feeeeels I say specially with a state of mind like this one!!!!!!!

One happiest morning!!!!!

 Not sure what it was why or how but some mornings like these and the waaaaaaaay they leave your heart is beyond words or logics I say!!!!!!!

Wandering through the forest like place with tallest of trees around barely can see the sky and out of nowhere this visual of him standing right in front of you and as even in the moment you are shocked surprised of how you ended up there out of the forest look around it was his Versova place look at him it was the him from now like it wasn’t the previous Versova meet but a meet now in the today’s time!!!!!!

Him auyyaaaaaaaa smiiiiling away that ONE smileeeee of his know it all kind like he knew you’ll be there just that one smile and your poooota ka pooooora heart everything right there on his face!!!!!!!

Even as you write now this one feeeeeel reliving that first moment of seeing him living him his orsence for real like it was THAT real!!!!!!

More on this later but this day todaaaay this start of the daaaay and the waaay it’s left you with that many hopes and wishes I say!!!!

Workout finally done and with a happiest heart possible like it definitely shows on your face today just this Khushi even if be it in the dream the waaaaaaaay it felt soooooooooo fucking real charlie alll of it this morning !!!!!!!!

the scent of Him!!!!!

 Ever since those meets those experiences of living him experiencing him as he smokes it's this loooove for the scent of cigarettes......

Before him you never really liked the smell of cigarettes now it's love.....cause the waaaay the scent of cigarettes every single time ur manager smokes any random place or cafe at and the way waaaaays it brings him along!!!!!!

It's th3se visuals of him in person and on the Skype calls the moemnts he would smoke at the way there were these versions expr3ssions of his the transition of him his smiles through his nods it's visuals of him that you are filled with.....like suddenly from the smoke of cigarettes it's this cloud of Him that you are engulfed away in and with the scent...

This one picture too his eyes his stare through the smoke him looking his sexy best in that one to his adoooooorable best in the other his freshly washed hair as it looked like with that beaaaauty of his daadi ayyyaaaaaaaaa your heart soul mind kidney everything right there and HOW!!!!!

ALL it took was that slightest brush of him and this you even now as you relive and write!!!!!!!!

How does itvall smile away on the inside like this just by seeing him smile that way I say!!!!!!!

Smoke rings...!

 Back then when with you he used to only smoke on very long drives......post bup it was almost all the time at his place.....there's that vibe to watch him live him as he smokes nd you loooooved it to another level only!!!!!!

Like it was an experience which you sneeekely used to enjoy and live max......

Initially when asking him to reduce a lil cause it was that constant and he in his usual style Gyan you away about how it wasn't the regular harmful ones that others do this one had lesser amount of the harm more on the flavor bit of it as itwas some organic stuff......he would like literally Gyan you away as you lay there watching something and he lights it and there starts your moment of loooooove!!!!!!

His face his body language his moves somehow all of him just suddenly used to transform away into something that sexy......like that face he would make take a puff away watch you look you in the eye release the smoke and give yiu another look and you still trying your best to hide away your amusement of living that whole vibe of him away cause just when he knows you are enjoying it he would stop it.....

Like beech beech live your moment as he scrolls throuf his fone for a bit and even tells it out saying just checking for any calls cause it was that pact nothing said just 5hat thing bout giving his time giving your time to the other and off fone for that bit.....it was never mentioned in words neither did you really care him in fone or off it cause either way it was all bout just living him any which way!!!!!!

And when him on the fone was your moment to experience that vibe of him.....and sometimes the way he would just say it am not making those smoke rings so don't wait for it and smile awaaay still looking at his fone ......it was almost magic like the waaaaaaaay waaaaaays he could that beauuuutifully read away your mind and face.....not a word from you and still would know just know that about you!!!!!

Even on the Skype calls the way he would take thos3 initial puffs with that same wudd3n sexy face on and then smileeeeeees that amworkingmymagiconyou and you know it smile of his one sec gap and then makes those smoke rings and stops and watches your excitement over it with that one nod and one exact word every single time howli hai tu!!!!!

Something's some moemnts you write and relive it now THIS feeeeeeeeel with this one track playing just just this beauuuuutiful Him!!!!!!!!

When you miss that version of you too!!!!!

the Youday!!!!!

 To this day today from the waking up with that rush of him as you just be working in the balcony as it's been raining all night all day today this gorgeously!!!!!

Almost evening and the manager drops by to continue with the work with the festive season ahead and change of design plan these were a lil over worked hours that needed focus.....

A lil later head out for some plant work and then as it rains a lil more head over to prashasan nagar your most loved place when this rush of him hits you specially on Sunday's.....get off for a lil walk and she leaves her fone with you to run to the icecream bandi a lil away......again it was tooooitally cause of the weather the vibe of that lane and the Him rushing through you get on and that beloved circle after very long.....

Even as you are bout to hit it this lill self talk see am trying my best didn't check even once whole of this week but some habits take time to completely change so once a week is still ok kind.....initially of some night club and the next one his adoooooooooooorablest self with both legs up and that one smileeeeeeee that fataaaaaak se puts a smile on your face for no reason or rhyme.....that one smile in the world that LITERAAAALLLLLY makes your insides smileeee away the biggest smile possible to se him to live him complete state of happiness i say!!!!!!

To the next one he always has this thing bout him the waaaaay he can that smoooooooothly transition from looking behaving adooooooorable to sexy in just a blink of an eye....the other him with a cigarette in hand looking througbthe smoke......

Visuals VISUALS and this beauuuuutiful power they hold is beyoooond words!!!!!!

Monsoon...!

 Evry single year this one season and the waaaay it always brings that one wish along!!!!!

The other day out to get some fruits and as Venky gets out to get it and you stay back as the crowd didn't look well and just beside there was this tea stall ask the boy to get one and it starts to drizzle away that beauuuutifully!!!!!

U never usually have tea like that but that day this one car beside the guy sitting over to the girls side of the door and they both chatting over with tea again your very own moemnt relived......the way that one visual with those other chai dates with him rush through you......it never was bout the chai for him cause he didn't like it a bit it was more bout making you stay with him for a bit longer before dropping you home......the way the chai in his hands would stay that way all throufb the chat with him sitting down over the edge of your side of the door.....once done he would just throw it away and that one look and smile at you!!!!!

The chai that day as you lived that very same moment across made it taste the best chai you had recently!!!!!

It's the experience charlie that whole vibe that day with just you in the car his music playing late shaam beautiful drizzle and that one visual of your own moment with him......it's the waaaaaays he comes out of nowhere charlie it's the feeeeeeels it suddenly fills you up with like he was right there in that moemnt with you!!!!!!

It's that heart full of something you come back home with that day!!!!!!

Moments!!

 To think of it now all these years somehow as mad as this sounds until he mentioned it's been 7-8 years since I even met you it didn't hit that hard for real.....

All this wait all these years was like by his talks back then him wanting to focus on his work first cause he coudnt work with someone in life year after year it just passed by thinking once he is settled with work maybe next year maybe next one it never really felt otherwise somethimgs you just don't wanna write out.....till he mentions the same in the recent chat!!!!! That he did move on and doesn't remember really anything with you!!!!!

That's when it all made sense like tab tak strangely madly it was all bout thinking he is busy at work cause film making is not easy definitely not!!!!!

It literally consumes you away as much as you could make sense of the process so you really need all your mind there to get the best outcome possible!!!!!!

Even when your mom mentions the movie watchinbit seeing the wait and realising how you did spend all these years with thatvone hope in mind someday!!!!!!

Exaaaaactly why something's better off in your head this THIS feeeeeeel it suddenly fills you away with!!!!!!!

To love...!

 The music the visuals the way she just looked in the movie the vibe of the movie and after a very long time where you could experience that charm and beauty of cinema in the best way and wholesome way possible.....like there was a time of mani ratnam movies and after that if any movie managed to come even close to that beauty of making a film it's been this...

Like from that movie to this series now and no wonder that passion of his for films how the brain can actually create something this beautiful and make someone experience something feel something is beautiful.....the way he used to talk bout making films and the motive of it to not just tell a story but make someone they haven't met a complete stranger feel something experience something as they live their story is beautiful!!!!!

Just last week this one couple comes over to the studio and as she browses through the outfits the guy brings over a bottle green anarkali and puts it over her as she stands before the mirror loking at some other outfit and insists on asking her to try it and take that instead cause he loved that color on her and he loved that outfit in particular.....as you stand a lil away on another work call watch those moemnts and live your own story in those visuals.....mirror moemnts with him, him telling you bottle green was your color making you try it on and 5hen looking at you in his color that he loved on you......

Was when you realise the beauty of allowing people to live moemnts like those with your outfits.....it felt beautiful charlie!!!!!

That one Khushi that one smile it left you with in that very moment she instead turns to you asking you if it looked better than the peach she wanted to buy instead and with THAT much him rushing through you in that very moment all you could say was they know the best if he says so then it definitely will look best on you.....that one smile on her and she did take the green one without even trying it on!!!!!

Love charlie it doesn't just make your world round around them but it makes you beautiful inside out it just makes you the best version of you possible it just does something that with the slightest touch of just that one true love in a lifetime you are left transformed and then there's no looking back from there on...

Transformed for life...if this moment wasn't enough what followed the next day felt like again there was all him all around everywhere you are at just him all of you that beauuuutifully laced away with everything him!!!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!

Moments of Him...!

 Evr since decide on not writing him anymore just so you get a hold on your mind on your feels cause what's the point is lately the feel....it's this sudden wave of ocean like hge waves of misseeeing that you are hit with after writing him out and after the recent block that one feeelbof how bad he really wanted to put you away and off him it just sort of took away everything every lil hope of someday.....sudden feel of not being able to see him meet him live him for real touch hold nothing and yet living all thus missing away self induced thing didn't really make sense......

The other day when your mom ßits down to watch some movie for late as you work in the other room on designs and stuff with manager just before going to bed she tells you to watch this movie......the way she says it that one look in the eye with tears in her eyes makes you feel ajeeb like somehow you already knew what topic it might be.....it was sitaram one!!!!

It was a late night at work the next day with the strike of the Army of the red as he used to call it as you stay back home....finally sit down to watch it first thing and right from the start that vibe to that scene of head banging that you shared with him the way it just filled you away with THAT much him.....all those times of initial closeness with him as you go close to hit your head aga8un and the waaaaaaay he would move a lil more away wanting you to come closer with that constant looking you in the eye as he did that......that feeeeeeeel some scenes even as you write and relive him from those exact moments this THIS one feeeeeel!!!!!!!

YOU were missed razaaakh miyaaa and how in this very moment!!!!!!

To the way the movie ends or moves with that wait of her to see the lead again!!!!!

Something's you just don't wanna write out !!!!

What really makes you love someone that way beyond time...

What really makes you wanna hold onto the love even in absence beyond the presence beyond time and distance!!!!!

Sooooo yaaaahhhh!!!!!!

Usually now watching movies or this new one as walking dead just wasnt you and this one loving everything bout it except for the story cause it somehow f3els like a drag power of the rings!!!!

Visuals costumes are something that mostly has you hooked it also somehow makes you wonder what a human mind can imagine can create can come up with an outcome like that one......like to visually imagine and come out with a beauty as this one just blows your mind away!!!!!

Remote Controlled!!

 His words satyavachan!!!!!

He truly has your remote control with him!!!!!!

Slightest of him in anyway and this one pull that you experience that makes you literally break away anything that you decide on any limitation anything that you decide to quit or anything at all it's like anything him and the way it sets all of you freeee and HOW!!!!!!!

every button in you that beautifully controlled by him even in his absence as mad as it sounds very much the fact that you've experienced a zillion times and over...no matter what that slightest hint of him and the waaaay nothing in you can stay away from him.......it's thus pull charlie it's this urge this urgency to just feeel him away as you write him out of your mind in words.... Cause with every single word every single memory of him as you write is like feeeeeling him living him for real with his presence with evry memory it's surreal almost magic like beyond anything that you can use to describe the exact feeeeel it makes you allowsbyou to feeel away!!!!!

How what why never made any sense why still is another puzzle to be solved but this feeeeel even as you write and relive him from all those cigarette moments of living him!!!!!!

Something's nai and most importantly visuals this power they hold!!!!!!!

Heart Somersaults!!

 When your heart literaaaalllllyyyy is somersaulting awaaay and HOW!!!!!!

It’s that thing charlie when you hit that point of how all the love feels pointless when you miss him away like THIS and off late you quit writing only cause it only adds that gheee to the rush of missing already!!!!! And it all feels pointless cause with memory trips that misseeeing where you can’t see him for real can’t live him for real can’t touch him hold him chummi him most of all can’t live him for real can’t meet it’s this sudden feel of pointless that hits!!!!!

And then a day a Youday like THIS ONE happens!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaa that ONE sessskyyyyyyyy of a fellow and no wonder this LOVE for the scent of the cigarettes cause the waaaaay waaaaays it brings him along is beyoooond words and logics!!!!!

Picture of his and there you goes your heart all of you on the inside somersaulting away with that constant calm smile on the outside struggling to hide away this rush RUSH rushing on the inside….

Cause said it before can say a zillion times over there is no other face presence in the world face and evrythung of this planet that gives you these feeeeeeels the way just that one face does that one presence does!!!!!!!

You were missed and how you gorgeouuusssss lil big adooooorale thing and like always if only you had the slightest of idea!!!!!!!!

Finally!!

 Fiiinally not sure after how long with nose still being bolt managed a quick session!!!!

And it felt shaky initially but after feels like always GOOOOD!!!!!

Covid done but nose still acting weird like definitely looks the smallest on your face now after all the cardio roll it’s been on ever since butttt so far so good and right amidst everything else that one track that starts to play out of nowhere as you scroll through the rap stuff for weights and that one feeeeeeeel I say ekdummm se!!!!!!!!

Something’s nai again no logic no definition no words to

express how something’s can dhadaaaam se make you feel away!!!!!

Agaaaain when it was meant to be just a workout journal!!!!!!

Essence...!

 Making those smallest of changes in trying to change yourself for the better!!

But something's nai just can't!!!!!!

Like there was that it's been too long and lilst of changes possible trying to mould yourself away reshaping remoulding into something better.....

There are instances like this word moment and the waaaay his words like the wind gently brush you away...one lilst of something and the way it always leaves your mind transformed!!

After prolly 7-8 years you finally paint your nails even if be it others calling you weird it just made you happy barely any color just the night sky like feeel over your nails...

Seeing him meeting him being with him at that hour prolly your most loved....

It's that thing charlie like why do we sniff away the food if it looks delicious much before we even taste it....it's that need to take the essence of that all in before you devour it!!!!

It's that need to soak away absorb away something just by looking at it smelling it away taking all the essence of it in before you actually reach out and eat it or experience it or feel it!!

To watch him live him at that hour was like reading his mind out in his words his actions under the night sky...from the random most topics he would that beautifully switch to cosmos birds lilst details around even the sound of the barking dogs or the sound of the people chanting away some god's name as they walk on the streets in groups....like any sound any visual and the waaay he loved to share his input his perspective of the same!!!!!

Like those dates was more knowing reading his mind out it was your high like literally trippin on anything and everything that he did spoke liked looked at.....it was different that beauuuutifully different!!!!!

No wonder this wordless logicless love for that time of the night or early morning hours that it sometimes for no reason just shakes you up and you off the bed head over to the window just one glance at the sky at that hour with all him rushing through you spend a min or two and head back to sleep!!!!!

It's like your meditation the way waaaay it just makes you feel is still different!!!!

There are always things that you'd change and things that have jst become you with time now...!

Echo of some Words…

 

Some words n that echo of his voice from back then late night terrace dates THE most loved ones!!!!!!

Karely you must always question other peoples perspectives even if be it your own mom asking you to do something you don’t want to or it’s against your will…..mustn’t follow something just because someone wants you to even if it’s the most loved person in your life you must always question things see it understand it from different perspectives and then go with what your heart or mind tells you to!!

To understand and relearn things…!

This has happened many a times click a picture of something and the way it connects with something else as you see your own hands…..

Manager making fun of it calling it kid hands with glitter nails also calling you weird cause that’s a top coat over some base color that’s how you are supposed to wear it…

But nail color or colouring it with deep color is something you don’t anymore noting at all again something with him!!!!!

This one specifically you loved cause it looks like the night sky with blue star like glitter and everytime you just let your mind wander off n away on a Himtrip the way just looking at the nails rolls your mind away and HOW!!!!!

One of those skies…!

 Covid positive n sky trippin’ 

Feelin a lil more positive now are we!!!!

Sky n ☁️  like these every single time!!!!!