Visuals!!

 There is that beauty in quite moments on drives with his music even be it out on work on the way and just letting your mind and eyes wander around...where it's just you and your mind looking for that hint of him somewhere some moments some visual to just fill up away that missing in the moment....

To even finding that beloved circle around and know bout his series work and that wait for it now to see his name in credits..

How much do you miss someone how longndo you miss them for and ways you miss them in is beyond you...there's no definite or right way to do so...

To relive him in places in conversations in visuals and sounds it still amazes you sometimes how clear he still is.....his evry detail every expression every face and smirk smile frown still this clear mind slowley moving to missing his details....

This thing always bour writing some strong moments and the way it slowly sort of engulfs you away with evry word and memory and the mind wanders over his details his brown big eyes his lashes ayaaaaa the way he initially feeling conscious of being stared from that upclose and the way slowly that beautifully his eyes his face would go at ease Evey detail more relaxed in a way letting you live him the way you wanted to....

These words today and this feeling it's left your mind with so many wishes so many moemnts waited longed for!!!!!! That many moments words unsaid unlived!!!!!

Howleeeeeeee if only you knew how you wlarev being missed in this very moment here!!!!!

moments!!

 From being stuck in a jam and looking around people walk or drive past by that sudden flash of him driving instead there was that swag charlie that suave way of holding the steering the way he would move his arm around a turn the way he would just walk from a distance it's like lving him his details his presence along with loving each and every attribute of his you were literally growing inot being his fan too....it's that feel charlie like that one presence that just does something to you your mind your soul you all of you on the inside the way it just does something to you like no other does.....

Th is one turning every single time at Jubilee hills the bubble checkpost place today too with the jam slow turn and you had the windows down with that smell of raindrops still in air as the car moves slow his music playing and this one lady door with the bubble maker in hand and you wait for the moment she would blow and she looks at you smiles away and blows it in the air you wave back as a thank you....it's moments charlie living a visual story of your most loved moemnts where you find that sense of his presence like one look at you and he would just know want to know if you liked something and you just looking at the bubbles in the air that day with him and he stops away in the jam even with the green lights on waiting for that vendor to come close so he could get that for you...

To just knowwwww that in you bout you and be so sure bout it it's always been that way bout and with him...ever since the very start like not even a speck of doubt bout it like just know it in your core kinda thing...and then the reality happened !!

But like the movie goes how are sure and who is to tell which is what .... If this is reality or the one that you live with your eyes shut and how does the two meet like still live it even after the waking up....

His dreams charlie the way he just comes like even writing now you are so sure that some moemnt some word something he would talk connecting with what and how you are feeling in this very moment!!

It's the way he sometimes looks at you leaning over the tree as you are doing something or talking something but that one look that one assurance and suddenly all your questions and confusions disappear!!

conversations...

 At your place in the late in the evening on his way back from the web world place he used to go for gaming back then!!

In balcony chill of winter breeze and suddenly he decides to justvstand there and ask you bout movies....you go on bout not knowing apart from will Smith and home alone stuff.....and that's when the first time you hear live him his passion for films talking bout the matrix to his most loved eternal Sunshine of spotless mind and even talks bout how bad he wanted you to watch it with him prolly the very next day you do.....

There was that spark that glow that tone of passion in his voice in his eyes as he looks around talking bout movies wanting to make them write them get his mind on paper on screen that face charlie from that evening you can never forget it's the way he just looked there was soooo much something that he was full with it's that something that you feel someone talk bout like even if that doesn't make sense to you technically you just feel that transfer of the vibe like you feel that same way for them as you hear them bout something they love the most.....

Like u remember him talking some deep stuff bout this very film back then that didn't make any sense to you but he was in that flow of movie talk and by the end of it one look atyou asking you if you even heard any of it as you looked that lost in him sirf ghooori ki kuch samjhi bhi and that one nod of his ayyaaaaaaaa with that lil smile then tells you will make you watch and understand these films....to that one face he used to make before talking in that adoooooorable kid tone of his voice and tells you I want you to understand the things I love atleast if not love them....

Somethingz you write moemnts you write as you relive the very moment in mind, this one smile it puts on your face fataak se!!!!

Howleeeeeee how only you were missed this very moment!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!

 The other night with that much missing rushing through you and the way he comes every sense in you this this very thing bout writing wanting to write out dreams like these moments like these and you know you can't obvsly write out stuff like these and yet this urge to just write out your mind specially when it's feeling away the way it is now.....

Every sense of you living him away the way you missed him his words his actions the way just the way he was all of him evry bit of him the way it just felt THAT much loved again the dream itself the moments that presence of his sense of his presence even after the waking up just the wAaaaaaaaaay it left you with that day THAT MUCH OF HIM and his love!!!!!

Like waking up you were just that beautifully full of him!!!!!

Laced with his love kinda feeeeels!!!!!

It's like you are living thus side of your usual day life with a version of you that's just not you but you have to.....and then there is that you complete you that was with him most you you'd ever been and that very you he comes down almost every nite to connect you with....like there is that sense of belief in the character too that she will come back to what and who she was meant to be.....fighting against all the odds!!

This missing this sense of feeling incomplete when you look around its momentary charlie....cause that moemnt when you live his presence even be it in the dream you wouldn't wanna see anybody in that place it's something beyond you!!

It's like you knowbthe core denies any other way any other presence kinda thing!!

Again when logic hits you it still doesn't make sense after he made it all clear but the way it all doesn't even matter when you live him in connection to the reality of that particular day of yours...

Like some moment from the day connects with the moemnt with him in the dream....it's weird it's magic it's madness but it still is the most looked forward to part ofbyiur day it's that one big sigh of finally!!!!!

World of reality...!

 Ur dreams his dreams to live him in moments to live him with moments and the way these moemnts stay with you the way his presence stays with you through the day much after the dream the feel the confusion the calm the chaos in trying to make sense of it all!!

All these years all these feelings were different to what and how you feel ever since that chat with him...

When you live him his presence that strong the way you did days back that sense of questioning your own sanity follows up througbthe day....cause how could u possibly still feeel dream live him that way the way you did how could he possibly still make you feel that if it wasn't for something real...

How do you still live his presence the way you did days back exactly when you were high on missing him that bad then the daru happened!!

Exactly how did he know what and how you wanted to feel hear live him as and then to live him the exact same way to that extent!!!!!

Didn't make any sense initially a happy high and then goes down with confusion every single time now...

This one movie instances words as much as sense that it did make to you bout the ways of the mind bout the ways of what you feel in your core apart from what you are being told , like what you really feel inside and how strongly it talks to you is least affected with what happens on the outside !!!!!

It's this state of mind beautifully weird state of mind it has left you with....ike you definitely have to watch it again the rest of them too but this nite his movie like this was his ultimate favorite the matrix that he used to that passionately talk bout to see something a glimpse of his mind almost....

Sundays, Youdays!!

 Saving the nite the mind this feeeeel away!!

Love for His mind!!

 There is that thing charlie you may fall in love with the outer characteristics of someone but to love their details to live their details and then there is that level of love to feel that love passion that beautiful something for their mind, that sense of something that you feel for their mind their thought process their way of doing things just something bout that special characteristic of their persona….that sense of individuality that makes them stand apart like there is that crowd on one side and on the other it’s just that one person standing there!!!!!

And you feeeeeling away all that love all that something for just their mind not just the way he looks beautiful acts adorable apart from everything and with everything there is this love for his mind, to another level only!

Some movies and this poooooof state of mind it has left you with!!

Most of it major parts of it still over the head as you haven’t watched the previous ones but that sense of something with your dreams and the journey of it!!

And then there were moments of words that one flow of words that beautify in sync almost talking out to you kinda vibe I say !!

Words n visuals!!

 And some words , the very sound of em!!

The becoming…!

 Late sat nite and an almost Sunday morning done right, His the matrix!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty and almost magic like feeeel with visuals see something and you start to hear the echoes of his sound and conversation with it…

To live stuff His waay!!

howww!!!

 Even in this moment the wGy just reliving the moemnts from this mronjngz dream is making you feel!!!!

How could u possibly be the inky One in this feeeeling all this away!!!!

Cause him today almost evry other day the waaaaaay he is just there charliere!!!!!!

It's that's strong his presence his expressions words making you feel all that away all that love away and how assuring reassuring you away of his presence of his love for you like even in mkentsv when you are not sure what's happening the way he just held your hand and tells you that again.....

Even with all this even be it in the dreams how could u possibly be the only one feeeling it away!!!!!

This one Him be in that moemnt stare of dropping u waiting for that expression that wait to be held again or that adooorable face the second he sensed some cockroach in his room even on skype that change of face or that one stare that one nod and suddenly you are closest to the equator possible!!!!!!

This one sound the waaaaaay his sound can do this to you!!!!!

Beyond the ginsss the vodkaax i tell you!!!!

Isliye sometimes it's even his music just the sound that you loveee to get high on lights out feet in the air just his sound and the moemnts of him just before falling asleep.....it's like your most looked forward to moments before bed!!!!!

It's this thing it's doung to your mind....like u even sense that in wrijtng moemnts where it starts of his just smile to now the mind does this trick of tracing away to his beauuutiful details every bit of him!!!!

Sometimes for thus too u stay away from writing when this high lil did you know in that moemnt of listening to his Fink this is where it was taking you or realising it was love after all with iktara to live the words of the track years after decade after kyu dikhaye tu sapne sote jagte!!!!

One destiny know!!!!!

That one face!!!!!!!!

Fink!!!!!

 This one alwhsSsss a special one!!!!!

 

Last few dreams with these series of dreamsn this one sojnddd the way it takes u back to that first moemnt with him holding over his headfone over your ears as u listen to his Fink.....

T he very first sound string of the guitar him and the sound it was love already!!!!!!!

To just live that mekent for him to that bad want you to like his sound to waiting every second all these years for his sound of his music apart from him!!!!!!

Beenong time !!!!!!

As the high goes down the mind still this beauutifuly light !!!!!

This morning felt different ye jooo itttaA kuch feeel ho jaata uneee karaaa jataaa the day makes no sense after that!!!!!

Cause in ur mind it all still the same u just met him hugged him held him chummied him n so on it's all the same in yourbehad just that his presence in real through the day goes missing there's no track of that in the other side of your day!!!!!

It's when these moments lilst of moemnts when u find your peace ur Khushi back again......be it the larger than life banners of pinky or the kbr tracks or the sound of his music out of nowhere at some store or cafe or just with a shut eye there he si again!!!!!

Thank God the mind is silent seldom speaks cause what goes in your head if only people around knew i syaaa!!!!!

Eyes constantly searching for him mind still lost in the presence of his from this rmoning!!!!!

This one sound that one slow dropnof hus!!!!

Feeeling all ur arm Way till the last lil finger of yours feeling u away dropping u wTcjng your face over the moment and then holds you away again few moves few sways that same magic of the drop again......

to live!!!!!

 From the mekeng from the dream where be shays the same thing that he did back then in some chatover Skye!!!!

Tu bhi kitiiiedi hai if i tell u smethjng samajne nai ata why wud he messaged bokee!!!

The same similar word tis morning too the same dream finding luckye Ali track morning too same words in thebtrack too who bhi am back nokee it's like he comes runing from sinetehwere and finds u n feels u this!!!!!

Even in theyt mkent u still wondering kidaar thoo suni pele bokee!!!!n by yourbgace him that sureee nods away n syas yes it was mer!!!!!!

It was thatbcondusing like u were practically living two moemnts two two dreams in one kinda morning aaaj thoo!!!!!

M him ayeeeeeee in that navyyyybkueeee looking his delicious besttttt ibtrlll you chalieeeee it's lik tht delicousbwhen yiubfont know whetherbtonjust stand theren drollll awayaaa or yummmm awayaaa in biye ibswear!!!!!

Him in navyyy him in yrloweeeeee himnin whites!!!!!!him in khakiiihim in brownzss!!!!!

One ting constant himyummm awyaaa!!!!!

Ayeeeee this mind aaaajsubaa see last few dins ever since this one sind !!!!

Itaaaa sab aisaaaa sab ineeee aJaaaata why is it al thiss difficult fornreal!!!!!

It ss the wyaaaa tht much easier chalieeee Lio closee urbeyes can seeee the himkmmcomijnnng!!!!!!

Lik right thwreee ring bokeeeee it's lik the ewyaaa his Jody language feeels too lil u weren't thebinly one waiting to seee hum to live him ayyaaaa the wayyyyy thatvone sigh of his that one boltaalaa smileeeebof his 

Nothing 8jbthebworlddd maoesbu feel this on the inside outside all of u every bit ofnubthe wayatyyyytt anything bat him does chalieeee!!!!!

It's the wyaaaaa it touches and tatnforms u awYaaaaaa!!!!

Even the sight of kcr pink punk onnsyreets today remind u of him to even holding the mystrymacune key of urs the way he doesbwith charm outside thepocket!!!!!

Every bit of u howwwwweree!!!!!!

sound!!!!!

 This wyaaaa the wyaaa this one sound of his makes u movereee pollly the only thing alart from him that xud do this to you!!!!!!

Ever since this one sound chalieee the way it aykes u back to that meet at his other place just egore leaving n the way he stays to slow dance wit u n u keep cacking uoncos u just coudmnt move n he kitrraaallly holds u away n makes u mkvere sway u awyyy lieteraaaly n the thomp sound of tha track every single time that dance wit him.....even in that ment chaliee the expo of his words from back then when you talk bat salsa n he says the same will joine together that day dancing wit him or jate moving away that echo of his words today last few dyaaas seee infact this one track brings back that hold jofbhom that arm around u of his that starwwww of his looking u in the eye as he slowley drops u awya on the floornnnlufts again to continue the dance again rpeets this over n over again and wit evry dropbfalling in love all over again ibsyab 

It's all in the eyes chalieee eyes Chico they never lie!!!!!

Thise moments ur heart life right there he never said a word again but those moments chalieeeeee pure love cukdvfeeelnit rush through uuyu the waaay he wud make u mkver n still clokcedbthat stare right there n the drop n the hold again thata circle of the arm around wrapped arn d world right there in that mkenebt!!!!!!

moments!!!!!!

 Post awaaay n the sex u seee it now ayaaaaaaa this one pic exxxxctkyyyy like the one hehad clicked if yours at operaaa!!!!

Wxact same one!!!!!!

Mknentszzss like theserre maagic ibsyaaa am telin youuu can seeee the kighttt comingggg wontyoo believer me now!!!!!!

Last dins seee this vibbbeeeee of him chalieeee ayaaaa lik u are thisss sooooo fulll of him sar seee tang Tak i syaaa!!!!!that fulll of him n hiwwwww i syaa!!!!!

It's lik all around .outside inside this beutifulellll him wontyoooo believer me now one tack stuck in he'd the way he starts off syoang am back in this mornings moment heart pooooreeee ka poooori gone i sayyyy that one smileeeee has all of you righte there not a singleee smile on thebface of this planet as tht one ayaaaaeeeee his eyessss spakllllijg away even before the smile hits his lips it's like by his eyes much begoreeeee u knowwee ab ataaaa ye ataaaa smileeee bokeee n tadaaaang bokeee the sec it hits his lips ayaaaaaeeeee pooota face change of his and idar by ten your heart all of u woooooooshiiiiiiibokeeee melted awyaaa and h9wwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

Days n sounds!!!!!

 I caannnnn seee the loteeeee cominnnn wontyouuu believeeee me nowwww

Close my euesss n waitttt for himtoconnnninh wontyooo believer me nowwww!!!!!

Ayaaaaa some songaaa nai chalieeere khushiiness insyaaa!!!!!

Aaaaj the mind bodyyttn souleee I syaaaa liteeee as the blueeeeeebirrd flyyyy iiiighjjj flyyy ayeeeeee!!!!

Howeeeeeeee hownoweeeeeee howeweeonlyyyy ubweteeeee misssed I syaaaa

Wontyooooo believeeee me nowwww

I can seeee liteeee cominnngwontyouuu believe me nowwww

Dayyy saved awaaay!!!!!

Words…

 This sheer beauty of some words!!

Ahh the beauty of finding that one face in a crowd across the room anywhere at all, Him!!!!!!!

Something’s you relive and this feeel like it was all the most beautiful dream of your life especially waking up to one from this morning too!!

At the studio and the manager from the other room sends a text cause that reminded her of you in places…

This beauty of some words and moments!!!!!

Just feeeels!

 This sound on loop n this feeeeeeeel it's filling you up with, beyond words!!!!!!!

Fink, the first sound of his music that you not just fell but literally drowned n soaked in love with!!!!!

Every single time now a sounf of Fink n the way it all comes back to you...

Mind off late with these dreams n moments, n then this beauty of a magic happens, hard believer!!

This nite with his sound n THIS much of him rushing through you!!!!!!!!

The sound of magic...

 Some sounds some words n of all the sounds if it's his sound of music, who bhi on a Sunday!!!!!!!!

Some moments reliving to his sound, a nite like this...!

Just something!!

In the middle of watchjng this beautiful film of hope and dreams and this sudden change of the track playing, to the sound of his Niladri...

It's this feeeeeeel charlie the vibe last few days se be it the dreams off late or the moments through the day this vibe of him that these moments dreams arevlaced with taking you back to the first time you felt something for him and HOW......

there is this beauty in the way it keeps getting connected to back then, lilst of moments to the dreams taking you forward with him...

It's the day that sort of tries to fade it away in your head and then a moment out of no where a visual a sound a drop of rain that changes it all away, feeling it all over again just like the way you felt for him the very first time...

Moments n dreams i tell you they have the power magic beauty to sort of transform the reality away too!!

Cause you know how the waking up every single time now feels like after knowing the reality from him to still living moments like these be it even in the dream and then to wake up looking for him and still finding his smell all around.....

Sniffing away the dreams i tell!!

Sunday's...!

 From feeling to reading it...!

Every single Sunday almost, been few months now but the way some strong moments as such they just stay with you...regardless of how long it's been!

But it's these things to do with him and right from the very start the way they've always felt and meant to you!

Sunday too one of them, from those high hope tree dreams almost evry Sunday to the recent one just that one smiley from the recent chat...on a Sunday just change side still asleep and that feel of him the need to just check the fone cause now you put yours on silent at nite with no reason to keep it on ringer.....

That morning too it was on silent cause he was pretty clear the day before bout where you stood in his life and you were somehow sure he woildnt message again but that tiny feel of hope too cause he did mention let's be friends and see!!

The moemnt that strong feel hits you check the fone and there he was just that smiley and that one feeeeeeel charlie to just wAkeup to him from a dream to the reality.....

It hit you on another level!!!!!

How do you feel what are you supposed to feel when you find that dot finally that connects the gap bridges the gap away from the dream to connecting it to the reality...like you always wished and hoped for!!

It wasn't much of a conversation but that one adoooooooooorabke selfie of his after long every bit of gorgeousness and adorable in evry way possible the way it just held you away.....to see him that close after that long!!!!!

Every lil detail of his tracing back to the time you saw him for real from 5hat close!!!!!!every lil beauuuutiful detail of his!!!!!

Ever since then this happens almost every Sunday...

Waking up changing side and that one echo of a moment of that Sunday!!

Can't help but feel it every Sunday!!!!!

From dreams that you really want to sit down and ask in the dream how do you still see him running around that way with that kid around whilst you watch them looking at you talking to you something like you really wanna ask what's this and then what's that!!!!!

Th is morning after really long the tree dream and the way it left you with!!!!!

It's that beauty of a moment when you feel both chaos and peace at once!!!!

Sunday mornings too are pretty much the same from waking up from a dream as this one of his to just that smile over the fone , that one echo!!!!!!

Him!!!!!!

 That feel that state of mind when you find a good track or a really good film, that experience of a beautiful something.....Him, he was that vibe that beautiful experience!!

To know him to live his presence to just be there living breathing that moment, Him that beauuuuuutiful experience...

Watching this movie and this state of mind with flashes of him as the main lead wears his khaki jacket from back then!!!!

All you can see feel hear and live, Him!!!!!

The waking up

 Sometimes it just gets very VERY lonely without any direction

Mornings!!!!!!!!

 Life is DEFINITELY nothing but a series of co incidences...💙

Places!!

 On your way back and everytime you pass by kasu that one rush of memory almost evry single time where he was on the lookout for a place for the first chummi and mango back then suggests the place right jnfornt of you with him as usual mad at mango and his timing!

Once finally there noon time and you know why he did bring you there and you look around telling him it's closed and that one smile of his ya but let's just take a walk there was that beauty charlie of such moemnts in your head it's like he would've chummied in the car itself why actually bring you all the way here but for him it was all bout that first memory with a place like a well directed moment by the director himself...

And he insists with your shoes on and lil spaced gates helps you holds you to get inthe other side once finally there after a few races and yah wHa ka baat finds thus corner with lil wildflowers all ar9hnd and a seat and takes you there saying let's sit for a bit that one turn towards you that one smile his eyes again ayyyaaaaaaaa your heart right there and a security guard comes over saying it was closed.....

Once out to subway right beside that one moemnt as you get off from the car almost and there was some bike parked that close and you couldn't move and he comes closer and you just stay without moving out waiting for that moment and him being that one adoooooooorable thing he nods away saying no no it can't be here....and moves back!!!!

That moment right there you just didn't know what to say or do or to just pull him back closer and chummi him away yourself cause it was a moment you waited an entirety for and he decides it wasn't right place for the first time memory....

Years now he was right that ine place of your first chummi be it kasu that almost chummi place that makes you smile over his adorableness everytine you passby today or the cement truck love cause it reminds you of that place that you can't manage to find on your own now....

Today with that one feeeeel of missing our on the continuity of the dream story as yug passed by kasu stop the manager get off from the other side go on the other side and just stay there for a bit cause it was closed today too and try to climb over guard comes over moment relived almost!!!!

ALMOST!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!

T he ultimate lip smacking chat masala i tell you like from that moment of his presence looking his beauuuuuuuutiful best in tone of green every where you is people walking in khaki shirt every single person that passes by to daadi people to anybody that feels like it's him like eyes on a constant run with every image that felt like him cause today you missed him in person to be there with you that bad....cause that moment felt incomplete cause you just wanted him to be there with you in person sitting there with you walking around to just live him in person....to once in car and the manager for the first time plays his lucky Ali track from one of yours fav safarnama...

This oneucky Ali track na tum Jano na hum and you stumble upon this one remix of the same and the thumbnail picture of the video was of a setup with a man legs up with a picture of lucky Ali in the background exact same setup of his to the way he used to sit last week with the set of dreams including the tree one is when it kept getting worse....

To last two days se you are just living with how and what it's making you feel like....today with his music it felt different now writing it now you just donno how to descrive it but just felt beyond words of logic...

How is he exactly there the way you missed him as it's his face this morning like he knew you missed him that way like he just knew you were looking for him like he just knew you wanted to be held by him the exact same way.....like he just knew you were there for him!!!!

It can't just be you not just bout you but if it was him too he would've been here with you!!!!!

Exactly why you didn't want to write that bit of the feels!!!!!

Exactly at this point the line that perfectly in sync from the track.....

Something's nai!!!!!

After feels!!

 Usually you know when a missing like this hits you you try and stay away from the tracks or anything that makes you feel that way....cause you know you can't do a thing bout it and it only gets worse!!

But today was different from that waking up to that one thought that got stuck in your head to that one magic of his music like ALWAYS!!!!!!

Finding him after this long after months of waiting and then to find him post bout music and then finding this gem on a day like this one today!!!!!!

You know when this high settles it's only going to feel worse with that realisation but for now just this need to be with the feels!!!!!

Evry moment with him from the start to just living that feel for the first time to loving it to watching you yourself transform and from that moment wanting it.....to that moemnt of finally that close to living it and ........

U didn't know you were even like this isn't it beautiful charlie how loving someone you get to know things bout your own self that you didn't know even existed....

It like unleashes a side of you makes you rubaru with that side of you and it was that evident on the outside too with that comment from the manager....

Cause missing him this way felt different.....it's that constant need to run away to him with that one line playing can you take me away...

Finally come home mind still feeling the same that you leave the second drink as it is with just a sip.....cause you wanted to write it away and now wrijtng it away this one feeeeeeeeeeel of him.....this very moment this need today to hold him away right now for the starts!!!!!

It just is feeling different today.....he was that close cahrlie that closeeeee and that only thing in your head to eat him away fataaakbse.....even writing and reliving it now this one big why!!!!!!!

Just one moment...!

 That one pull lived and through the drive through the shopping at the studio where she wanted to pick something for the event tomo her selecting and you just that lost in all him.....the mind reliving every single pull from that pull this morning!

To that moment one pull playing on loop like the mind just paused over ut from his other house where he tells you he won't touch you or anything watch the house series for a bit have lunch and he asks you to leave and that one feeeel of not having even touched him held him for once and you complain over the same thing get off putting something in your bag turned around and the way he just holds you away from the back saying ek hug kiye bina kaise jaati and wooooosh bolke like evry single time like it's always been melts you away in an instance....

One touch one sec of being held by him and whoooooosh!!!!!!

Turn around and there was no holding back just one touch!!!!!!

It's been this way for everything charlie with him.....right from the very start the way slightest of something with him and the way it would set that part of you free just that beautifully free.....that very first hug still remember the way soon as he holds you after playing that touching the forehead usual fight holds you away takes you in his arms for the first time and that feeeeeeeel and that very second he says this it's this feeling like i always owned you it's like you've always been here in my arms just like this.....this bit about owned you he again after years mentions in a skype chat too...

More than that it was always that sense of belonging charlie.....like even before seeing him how he looked how he was you just stood there that day waiting for him to look up the way just that glimpse of him waking over those and something's you write and makes you hit backspace and change the word cause again something's can never get used to sooooo yaaah walking iver those boxes in the gym comes closer and then looks up belonged to that moemnt that place right there....

To that moemnt when he looks at you througbthe mirror and you just stand there as he ties his shoe lace and still watches you through the mirror the loud music at the gym suddenly feels non-existent ional like all that stayed was that moment to just live him like you belonged there.....

To just rising in love with him evry single moment you just completely belonged there like no other place you could ever be at!!!!!!

Your heart your soul all of you just there that one place that one face tat one person in the world for you!!!!!!

take me away!!

 Out for lunch first and you get off and headout instead find a place under this lil fancy tree and just be with thus one track on loop and every time the line goes can you take me away it just comes from deep inside that one line is also prolly that you can make sense of lyrics bit if the track....

Look around and the way it looked similar to the dream visual tall buildings around circled and you were sitting right in the middle of it it was too hot to be out but that need to just be away for a but cause you couldn't hold that smile with that one glimpse of him playing on loop.....try your best to be normal talk just wasn't happening charlie.....

Like it felt familiar to the you that used to transform away after meeting him....like take the steps instead of the lift home or take a walk for sometime before heading home like that need to soak it all in absorb that feeeel of him like get your face and expression back to normal cause your mom back then used to notice that facial change in you mentioning bout the blush or just some change and today after years you just couldn't hold back your smile cause that moment you just knoe what that meant to relive after yearssss!!!!!!

To just live him charlie ayyyyaaaaaa that beauty of him and in that way of all!!!!!!

After sometime when it gets unbearable hot head back in and the very first thing your manager mentions bout is your face and eyes looked different today like there was some change in you today.....

How what you still donno but the second she says that that one feeeeeeeeling charlie not all dreams are just dreams after all...!

No man passing by speak to or anything makes you feel a bit of anything and when it comes to him it completes you.... reminds you of being a woman and what it's like to be one feel one!!!!

Mind on a roll today and all it took was that one moment and his music that perfectly timed it's like setting you free the side you keep hidden some corner today thise moments in mall for lunch lost in this3 conversations them having itvwss just you and him in moments....

Like that one constant need to keep the one ear plugged and glued to his music and the feels with it....

It was very different charlie today it was a very different you after a very long time prolly the only time being with him and after that today maybe...

Like that one switch on ever since that moment wit him with that one question ringing through with the sound aage kuch kyu nai hua!!!! Like it's obvs same dream comes again it needs to start from where you left at nai?!

One glimpse!!!!

 THAT one glimpse of him looking his beauuuuuuuutiful best in that tone of green that one expression of rush on him in his eyes from that upclose to just live that feeeeling live that moment charlie him in his full beautiful bloom of daaadi and his eye work and that one state of mind you already were in to that moment just heading for the shower and manager leaves the fone in your room right outside the washroom on charge and heads out to watch something on tv .....

Shut the door your usual habit before heading in shower and take her fone to check him and that one red beloved circle fiiiiiinaaaaaaallllly!!!!!

That one rush of Khushi firstly cause the state of mind you already were in plus like the sunday vibe of him was served and HOW!!!!

Hit it and itvwS of some concert of thus artist monolink....

Clear history put back the fone first track that you find is sirens from the artist!

Hit play and tat one feeeeeeeeeling like state of mind in words i say!!!!!!

It's been long charlie very long since you've lived felt this side of you this side of missing him and this time strangeky you are just allowing yourself to feeel live evrything it was making you feel instead of not listening to the revelation track you were listening to it on loop and missing him exactly the way you were missing him as.....to this moment of finding thus music of his just added that extra bit of masala or chat masala of him to what you already were feeling like!!!!!

The music the tracks of this artist is like continuity to your dreams to the feeels of after dream the waking up....

Friends cousin is in Hyderabad just for a day and if it wasn't for thus reason you would've just stayed home and just be with the vibe of the day today with his music...

But some days even in crowd more so making you realise how no matter what the feels of him stay with you no matter where you at what you do if it has to just stays and this day today exactly was all bout that!!

Dreams n visions!!

 Last night after that missing high fall asleep on the couch itself watching sniper movie for a change and it practically out you to sleep and this one moment that same dream waking up surrounded with tall walls all around you as you walk through that tiny lane in between the all's and look around trying to find your way out cause it looked dark with bare minimum light source that you could see where you at....Few steps away and this one sound or something and before you even make sense of the moment arms around your waist pulls you to the side against the wall that one smell of him cause there was no light in that corner could you sense him with his smell and touch the way he just holds you away same way like he used to arms up.....that sense of there he was wala scream inside of you and that one ray of light over him and you see him finally khaki green shirt full grown beauuuuuuuty of his daaadi and his eyes charlie ayyaaaaa his eyes that lil high lot of Khushi sparkling through comes close touches your nose away with his nose and you fataaakbse make the most of his closeness thus time.....

It's that rush of him that rush of missing him moments before that moemnt like you could feeel it in even in that moment like you were waiting to find him looking for him and before you he finds you away!!!!!

That rush of moment to just chummi taste him away it was that rush and some loud sound and you wake up it still was early hours that same golden hour time of the morning and that one sigh obviously had to be that hour to meet him to live him....

Back to sleep with his music wakeupt to that very same moment exactly there again......and that one feeeeeel aaage kuch kaiku nai hua!!!!!

Even whilst brushing having breakfast with your manager and friends cousin waiting for you to ready that one thought still on your mind damn aage kyu kuch nai hua like atleast be it in the dream bhi udharich paused away!!!!!!

Hands coming alive!

 MOMENTS!!!!!!!!

all there is to it!!!!

This mind with thus one track the way it moves you ayaaaaaaa this feeeeeling wanting to write and yet this flow of the track the waaaaay it just was that perfectly timed!!!!!

Ibswear charlie fromthe dream this morning to finding this beauty of his music mind on a constant flight mode this missing high the waaaay no matter what all you can see feel is him!!!!!

Not sure what's happening off late like bas yaich baaki tha to take this missing to THIS level now!!!!!!

That one beauuuutiful sense of longing with the way the artist says take me away how else would you feel if not this!!!!!!!

This feeeeel this vibe of this track !!!!!!

mind on a Flyyyyy ayyyy!!!!!

 How do you even get away from people just run away and live this highhhh flyyy feeeling to the fullest!!!!

This THIS RUSH of him on a Sunday this loooooooveeeeee for his music!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeee how only you were missed in this moment right now!!!!!!

Tallest of buildings around you moving away from the crowd to just live this feeeeeeeeling some moemnts this beauuuuuutiful something they fill you up with!!!!!

This rush to just be home and write awaaay!!!!!!

This pure ee magic of his sound takes you AWAAAaay!!!!!

This sound this day today right from the very start from those vibes last night to taking those very same vibes to another peak only with his sound!!!!!!

Him the lip smacking chat masala of your life i say!!!!!!

The waaaAaaaaaaays he can make you feel even with his sound......

YOU were missed and how if only you knew!!!!!

Take meeeee awAaaaaaaaaay

HOW!!!!!!

 How do you even put a leash on your mind when it gets on this mode of missing!!!!!!

One word down one memory down and this state of you now!!!!!

Said it before will say it a thousandth time over again nothing no one no such thing in the world can move you shake you up make you feel this way the way anything to do with him does.....

Could never make sense of how what or why!!!!!!

This wave of him that hits you away like this!!!!!!!

That one face in the world for you!!!!!!

connecting dots...

 One thing you mention or relive as you write and the way it fataaaak se lands you up to another!!!!!

Holi!!!!!!

Another day of many of the most beautiful firsts!!!!!!!

Some days I tell you meant to torture you in the most ebauuuuuhtiful of ways!!!!!!

Without daru who bhi!!!!!

Ever since that sound moment this mind thus beauuuuutifully high on him......it's like moving away and heading to the place where you belong the most moment!!!!!

Writing now movie on play and yet that neeeeed to relive that moment in words.....and the way it again takes you to where you belong the most!!!!!

How still donnoo but just the way uts always been like.......

As and when this level of missering him hits you this THIS feeeeeling it fills you up like right now what and how you are feeling reliving his closeness and that very same thing that makes you miss him that much years it's been charlie YEARS and still this very moment as you shut your eye even for a second the way he is this beauuuuutifully clear from that very moment.....

If you only knew back then!!!!!!!!!!

Turn around moments!

 It's like you are living a present moment and there is that sudden something that literally makes you turn around or take a step back just move away from something and run to him in that very moment....

Today too you were sitting outside at concu and that sudden distant sound of this track makes you get off and move away and closer to the sound to that rush to just run to him it was that beautifully weird charlie.....

Like that sudden THAT much rush of him in an instance that sudden pull to him like you could feel it that strong inside of you!!!!!

Pulled away and closer to all things Him!!!!!

And HOW!!!!!!!

To this moment sometime back looking for movies to watch and that sudden thought nah this is isnt late nite kinda movie you wanna chill too.....that echo of his conversation about movies to watch with time of the hour .....

Him watching James bond movie on Holi as you come out of the shower from his room that one look sitti g out with his sister and you just sit a lil away on the sofa and he asks you bout having seen any bond film and you nod away saying a no cause back then you had bare minimum idea about Hollywood movies home alone and will Smith ones being the only ones you liked or loved men in black ones mostly!!!!

And he talks bout how movies have this time thing attached to it like what kind of movies to watch morning noon or late nights.....Talks bout it one look at you and that nod of his knowing sab oopar se Gaya as it didn't make sense then!

Only lately as you enjoy watching good movies on Saturday nights there is this realisation like you enjoy watching certain movies by yourself at that hour mostly sci fi kinds like Spacey slow kinda stuff is something you really enjoy.....Sunday noon if at home is mostly action bond movies or adventure stuff it's like only today looking for movie sometime back 5hat one echo of that conversation!!!!!

Strangely beautiful nai charlie some moments suddenly surfing through the movies looking for a certain vibe of movie and that very second him his words that very moment with him on his bean bag looking at the screen sharing his Gyan about time zone with movies.....

Didn't get then and now how with time doing the very same thing....liking watching movies exactly what he was talking bout!

High point!

 Today was that beautifully weird like there was that moment of feeling utmost disappointment and that very same second that one feel of being held off and away with the sound to evrything Him...

It's what and how it does to you !!!!!!

Evrything everyone around like suddenly don't even exist wha you felt seconds back doesn't exist in that moment one with the sound just Him!!!!!

You are beautiful moment with him that close just living that beauty of him touching aaway his beauuuutiful details and the way he just moves his face with your hand and the second yiubtell him you are beautiful that one smilllleeeeeeeeeeee ayaaaaaa that very moment heart popped out over his face all over him i say!!!!!

Even in that moment as he leans his back over your hand still looking for some movie on the laptop with that one smileeee still over him as his back crushes over your hand and you that lost in the way waaaaay he just looked in that moment again knowing you were living him lost in him with your hand behind his back and him still looking at the screenbut that one smileeeeee still on.....it's like you wanna eat him away too and at the same time still wanna feeeel live that beauty of him in such moemnts to the second you hold him away with your other hand another story altogether!!!!!!!

Things you wanna soo bad write and can't!!!!!

Exactly what this one track does to your mind brings along the most beauuuuutifully indulgent flashes of him and makes every sense in you come alive and how!!!!

Place people surrounding today didn't matter it was also prolly the first time you felt that way suddenly in a public place lost sense of everything around and just that one rush one solid rush i say!!!!!!

Get away and ask the driver to just drive around for a bit!!!!!

It's that need to just be and hide away from everything else cause you knowweee when that rush hits you what and how it leaves you with!!!!!!

That one rush of Him i swear!!!!!!!!

Even now as you write and with evry blink that one zooooomed in version of Him!!!!!!

AyaaaaAAaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeee you beauuuuuuuuuutiful lil sexy thing how only you were missed today!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments of Him...!

 Amidst discussing the edits of pictures and the manager edit team discussing how well the shots were directed by you but you not too sure how the edit looked a lil unhappy with the final still in that discussion it's that feel charlie after making that much of an effort of styling even making the other new model pose for the shots the final outcome not as per what you'd expected was a downer at concu with that weird feel of disappointment.....the editor still insists that the final image will def look better but you still unsure over it that one sound of music at the background.....it's like suddenly there was that touch over your hand that same gentle touch holding your hand away getting off the chair heading closer to the sound cause it def felt familiar and it was the very same track Revelation that same track ever since the first sound has made you feel him live him the mostest makes you come alive.....like every sense of you all of you in that missing mode cause of the flashes of him it's like evry zoomed up flash of his rushes through you every single time with that sound.....

Today too post lunch you take the day off and instead had to sort the edit bit suddenly and that very instance this one sound as you stand there with people still around all you could feel live with the sound was Him.....

Him sitting beside you in his room as you try to reach out to your fone ringing on his side of the bed as he moves a lil ahead try to sneak in your hand from his back and he suddenly moves back just so you can't move your hand and that one chuckle and the way he just pushing his back against the headrest of the bed with your hand in the way and you keep saying some konsense like he bed arrested your hand or something it was and the way it cracks him up and then with the other hand hold him away.....and it's the way he looks at you in that moment is when you see his mole close to his right ear lobe for the first time cause in the car you were used to the left profile of his that day was prolly the first time you see that mole of his and just touch it over and mention bout the same how come he has a mole over his ear that you didn't see it before and the waaaaaaaaaay he looks youin the eye comes closer and asks something !!!!!!!

To those moments of that hug just before leaving and the way he would hold you for a bit give you that one look in the eye without a word or nothing no sound just the look and move a lil back that one moment charlie i swear always alwaaaays made you hold him back again closer than his hug and that one smile of his everytime you did that!!!!!!!

It's like he just exactly knew your reaction over anything to every move he made looked touched like he just knew evrry sense of you in the most beauuuuutiful way!!!!!!

Moemnts with sounds and the things they do to you and your mind i swear!!!!!!

Is beyond!!!!!!!

Sound of magic...!

 This pure beauty of the sound like always!!!!! Just does something away in an instance to your mind body and soul....

A hint of a sound and that fataaaak se afloat wali feeeeling...

It's like you are amidst some work and discussion and that slightest of the sound and evrything else around and before you goes that beautifully blur....all you can feel see live is that feeeeel of the sound cause you just know how and what it makes you feel like!!!!!!

This one sound being the revelation track exactly asbper the name goes does have all the feels of Him.....flashes of him upclose zoomed in versions of him that you've lived with eyes wide open and now with eyes wide shut too!!!!

It's like a track that plays over just his closeups kinda vibe....not sure how what or why but just the wAaaaaaaay waaaaaaaays it makes you feel!!!!!