Magic...!

 That one fraction sec of magic!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa nites like these !!!!!!!!

In the balcony living this beauuuutiful rush of him on a beautiful nite like this and there he comes for a sec.....

And takes you to his adooooorable sudden sneaky moments in the shortest chaddi possible beauuuuutofullest messiest hair possible and sleepiest eyes half in sleep comes over complaining why you suddenly hung up when he was sleep missing you.....again his usual on some nites he wpild sleep miss you almost slipping into sleep start missing you and come to see you.....

AyyaaaAaa charlie the wayyyy he would look even more beauuuuuuuuuutiful half asleep it was those days when all he wanted was to be loved just to be loved ......the way he wouldnt let you anything and even tell you initially mein chummi ke liye nai aya and just hold you and sleep on your lap.....all of you still wanting to chummi him the waaAy he looked that Adorable but also the waay he would just literally sleep over your lap on the floor of the terrace....

Moments like those there's nothing else no place else yoy woild rather be at no other love you rather be loved as.....

Just Him, always been...!

Howleeeeeeeeeee YOU were missed and HOW!!!!!!!

In this very moment here again!!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa THAT happiest!!!!!!

Right from the start...

 That very first mirror stare him tieing his lace and you ask for your fone and he just looks up at the mirror to look at you just by your sound cause the instructor she was standing close to him looking for ur fone and you were loiking at her and see him looking at you through the mirror athe waaaaay he just holds you away......

Not a blink nowhere to look else, just him.....right from that start the waaay it felt like he just owned you .....the waaay you just dint wanna look away and also that initial thing you must look away but the way nothing in you wanted to look away .. the way that stare of his just held you away.....no smile nothing just that stare no wonder mirror starez have been his thng always.....the way he loooved holding you away making you stand with him and then looking at you in the reflection....it was that sense of how happy he was to have you in his life.....

It's only when you lose smthing as beautiful as that do you realize what it meant....it's not just love that one looks for charlie it's that feeeeling of how someone is happy to have you how happy someone truly is to have your life and how your presence fills up that sense of pride in them.....

Right from his stare to his smile to his random talk to his cute angry talks to his touch his smell his presence his evruthung hmmm thing to every moment lived with him that one wish!!!!!!!

It's when you visually live yourself living those moments back in time in that very place and feel how truly happy you were....that beautifully complete cause you had everything youd never even asked for...!

That was the happiest you ever were, Him...

Time!!!!!

 Today there just looking around walking around with the sound playing....him rushing breathing through you thus beauuuuuutifully how times change......

The only thing that screamed through that vibe you were living there, how times change.....

When you live these moments it sort of connects to your reality adds that meaning to it gives that answer to that question that never even popped in your head....like you know it in a way just answers away smthing in you for you...

How do you even go on when you are still there where you've been right there in that moment with him still with you......the waaay it just amazes you it's the same you charlie that never manages to remember what happened yesterday what needs to be brought smthing on the list anything at all you have the worst memory.....

Things to do with him anything to everything him the waaaaaay it's this beauuuuuutifully clear like it all happened just yesterday like he was there with you in that moment just yesterday the way it's just this beauuuuuutifully clear.....even today as you were there the way the place still looks that beautiful like it ina way like all his places retained that sense of Him in corners like you could still see him walking upto the chai wala looking at his beauuty under the yellow street light....to just live him charlie to just be loved by him.....

Kabhi lagta nai was it really too much to ask for in life.....

When you live him in his places relive that him that way of his love for you to live that feeeeeling of him being proud to have you in his life proud to have you beside him meant the world to you!

It's when you live these moments in a place of his it actually gives that feel on your spine just the song it's that sense of wanting more of him to continue that moment there....to turn and kiss him away taking the bottle from his back seat to hold him away as he sits close to you with chai ....to run to him as he walks to the chai wala....like you know to continue these moments memories to hold him again skip the mango topic and get back in chummi his pout away......

Like you know from pause of your memory to play the memory again and this time for real.....

Like to give away anything to be able to live that love all over again.....wanting that same feel in your eyes sensing that lilove of his all those days all those days all those lilst of moments to relive them for real again......and this time with more of Him in each and evry moment....

Today the thingsssss that place of his made you feel was beyond words.....

Way beyond words and logic...!

That surreal.......

Becoming Him...

 As you live this beauuuutiful rush of him writing and reliving him now in your most loved corner of the house.....

The smell of mogras as they dance away to the wind and you swinging away with and to his sound of music.....the waaaaaay some sounds n smells can make you feeel.....and then to see that same flock of white birds flying away this love for the nites....back then when he would just talk bout how late nites make him feel more love you more and this feeeeeling ever since then nites when you relive that feeel that echo of his voice talkin bout his loce for the nites lil did you know you would be living nites like these toooo.....

It's the way him loving you was all n mote bout making you Him.....just the waaaaay every touch of his did make you a lil more him from habits to likes to the random stugf a lil more him......

The waaaay his face would light up charlie ayaaaa these white birds and his beauuuutiful mind flying stars.....

Exactly also why you love this track every moment every single one if only you wish you could relive again.....how truly lucky you did get in those moments with thise moments lilst of him with that much love.....is why it doesn't really matter nothing else does when they talk bout having somebody in life for real.....

For you it's always been bout wanting to be loved again by him wanting to be looked at him touched by him lived by him to live with him to Life with him......it's not bout having somebody in life it's bout having him in your life it's always been.....

If nothing it's thus way the way you do now.....

Today all these moments and then when finally you ask for the chai galli stop and get off and just walk around there with no stalls nothing now....no chai no food stalls nobody around you jsur walk with the song playing.....

When there you always used to ask him to park under the light where you could see him under the street light him waking to the chai wale getting it to your side and sitting on thebdoor side space with his hand over your leg him being a coffee person thta moment thise evenings was juts bout to live that moment with you....

The waaaaay he loooked that beauuuutiful charlie ayyaaaaaa the waaaaay he woiod look at you and just knowwwwww you were lost in him and then just reach out and play some song to suit that moment just right and then smileeeeee cause that vibe made him that happy ekdum see....he had this thing bout music and moments like he needs to have a specific song playing in that very moment and if it syns well he would replay the same one over....

To just living thise initial closest moments there this need to drink water immediately after chai it's not good tho but this habbut of yours and he used to keep the bottle on the side initially but later did start to leave the bottle in the back seat which he did like everything 3lse tell you later about....

Like he knew your habit of having to drink water post chai and you look to the side for it and he would tell you it's at the back seat just bout to leave from there and you turn and reach out and that was your moment closest to him face wise.....those first moments of being closest to him and the waaaaaaaay he would just look at you in that moment that feeeeeel charlie to just live tat beauuuuty of his from that close first time......and that slowly come closer and dash his forehead away to yours.....and this another thing that you belived in and it's love doesn't haporn with anybody else....did become just your thing with him...

One more takkar nai thoo you end up fighting.....kab takkar maara ki uneee fir return nai kari tho ye hua shayad!

Smthings nai scene ke beech mein ting bolkeeeee strike hoteeee ayaaaaaa!!!!!

Soooo ya!!!!!

Much after when he did tell you it was intentional when he would leave the bottle in the back seat instead of the side and make you reach out for it and then live that moment with you closest to you!!!!!!

Some moments!!!!!!

Kabi lagta was it all in this lifetime only?

HIM!!!!!!!!!

 once done there these trees with mangoes as it's the season and that one rush of that moment.....

Just bout to leave and live that moment of not wanting to leave him not wanting you to leave and yet asking you to and you just stand there outside with some bahana to just be there another min longer and live him for a bit longer...and these mango trees right outside his other house and you actually get that excited seeing those ripe mamgoes and ask him ayyya koi todte nai ittee sare aam and look at him still watchjnf you with that one that beauuuutifully familiar smile of his that you loooooived cause that look was him loving you in that moment making you feel he was.....just by the look of it smile of it....like I love her wali smile of his and that you did notice after years......

And you ask him again am serious nobody takes it! And him nodding away sniiiiiling away that beauuuutifully and then in that same again much much familiar tone of his cute angry tone tells you hauu jhaad pe chadke tere liye todke detu ruktu....and you just stand there nodding away and living him cause in that moment you were holding back your reaction as best as you could cause in that moment you knew alone knew what that tone of his meant to you after years there was thing charlie the waaaaaaaaaaaay he would that adooooorable get mad at you and you looooved it when he wood get mad at you just that tone of his voice was pure loce to you like a song being sung to you him being mad at you correcting you were your most loved moments!!!!!!

That day too you just stand there relive that beauuuty of his that love of his for you from back then.....and the way he asks you again jaari nai tu howliii.....and you nod away saying a no and that one face of his knowing exactly why you were doing the tp.....and then changed the topic to tu aur tere sawaal hamesha.....these moments words like these beautiful nai.....when you relive that same moment from the most loved time of your life thinking it eas long gone and then suddenky hear that same sound see that one same exptession that you were that used to see that same love hint of love after years thubkjng it was lost.....ekdum seee to just see it all in that one random moment.....

Ever since then the sight of mangoes brings back two of the things closest his mango and the most beauuuutiful adooooorably possesive moments of his and this one moment from the other house of his.....

Today from that sight to see some guy in the next sec crossing the road wearing same white n blue striped shirt if his to the next sec cement truck passing by......

Some minents nai charlie like it eas that beauuuuuutifully just designed created for you penned for you to live that relive that moment in that very moment.....

Chippppppyyyyyyy tum aaaaaaaj bhotttttt zooooor zoooooooor shooooor dooooor seeeee yaaad aaareeee miyaaaaaa!!!!!!!;

All n just Him!!!!!

 On the way back to reliving all tvise places of him from tbe khushi tiffins to hometown to hay place ti tibba franky to the I love C petrol bunk sing to his actual places pizza hut bake house to gym wali galli to the tarnaka petrol bunk where you meet him on giur birthday as you get in at the air section of tbe bunk and you ask the driver to fill up the fuel there.....choose the section closest to that air section just so you could just be there and relive that adooorableness of his when some uncle stares through the car and he starts blink on n off just so the uncle stops staring.....to just heating up the car cause he notices your red cold nose and freshly washed hair just as he used to like it.....and even be it late winter evening you made sure it eD done......ayyyaaaaaaa some memories even as you write now thise fkahses of him this beauuuuuutifully clear from that evening......howleeeeeeee YOUUUYUUUYY adooooooooooorable lil big beauuuutiful thing how only you were missed I say how onlyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!

most beautiful weakness...

 This thing charlie pehle pehle bhot lagtaa thaa ayaaa ye bole who bol diyee bolkeee....

Ab nai hota kabi kabi in that moment slightest ting but it's the after when you sort get drawn to moments like these that sort of add that meaning make that sense why you feel the way you do....why it's the way it is.....why he is all this and more to you!!!!!!

Today at work working on zardozi stuff the start of it and right in the mdidle of discussing designs you listen to this sound of another ddlj playing from one of those handwork guys at work and that need to be out and play thus song away instead....

This song charlie it's all feeeks that you hide away from cause you make sure those don't get awakened ......

It's also those everyday feels thise lilst of feels of him the everyday moment kinds too.....how you sort of don't feel em anymore and keep your mind off it...from the basics love to the levelssss of love n life you just keep your mind off.....like that's when and why maybe music his music and any music that allows you to feel him live him relive him in that moment for that moment has become your life now.....it's your oxygen it's your hideout your own space that you can just be with and feel that sense of belonging....cause in those corners yoy find him out of nowhere.....the corners where it still holds that feeeel of his presence like he is still threre with you and you arent all by yourself and alone, like he is there in that sound with you...

That moment you coildnt stay longer at work and get away and ask the driver first to take you to habsiguda....

On the way up the volume of the song and this feeeeeeeeeeel charlie it fills you with is something else, beyooond words...

only weakness...

 Him, your biggest strength and ONLY weakness in life......

There's nothing else in the world that can make you feel the way anythjnf to everything bout him does....

A slightest whiff of anything him and there you go away from the world and closest to all things Him.....

Last few days been busy with your friends bachelorette party plus work......arrnging it for her and end up skipping it away....after managing the while thing by yourself....cause times like these you realise you did manage ti find just that one true friend in your life.....that loved you cared for you was there with and for you when you had nothing at alll and today all they want is everything possibly they can get their hands on except love anf friendship....that bad fcked up!

Mom always says this you trust easy and the only one you did right was Him....just day befire when she says another thing that had you literally running to him His place to just get lost and find him.....

One of his places....

When she says tomo if yiy realize the world has moved on and you are still standing there all by yourself after all these years that's when it'll Burt the most....that was when you were getting ready for some event at your friends place....this is her usual when she notices you getting ready for shaadi wale events but some words nai....ting bolkeee lagtese!

This too was one of those tings!

And today happened and HOW!!!!!!!!

sound of music...2

 From last nite to this mornjng when you wake up with that much him....

A random dream of his with lilst of instances yaha waha different scenarios but that thing charlie bout his some dreams like it was to just fill up the space fill up his absence not make any sense or anything to just be there and fill up the space just like that....

This morning's one too was all that just his voice literally touching away your ears to tjat one scene where he actually wears your aviators and tells you how light weight it is and it's only today when out you wear it and realize that visual from the dream today......like when you wake up today it was just that rush of him rushing through you not any particular moment or anything just all him all through you.....

Onky in that moment today as you wwr the glasses do you relive that moment from the dream.....

To just the very start of the day today with those lyrics song on repeat like u just dint want ir ro stop it has that vibe charlie can't name the controversial name of the band just the track cold with some ritual!!!!

Call it the morning ritual cause that's how and what it more feels like!!!!

It's this feeeeeeeling charlieee eveuthjng bout him that you wish you could relive evey moment with him every memory with him anythjnf to everybit of him that you wish you could relive....

The same feelings that same rush also when you realise the irony of this quote tht you in a way despise....never the same love twice!

sound of music...

 All it takes is just that one sound that sort of holds your hand and takes you off n away to the place your belong.....just like that with that one sound !!!!!!

In a sec you are all breathing and becoming all him that thaaaaat beauuuuuutifully.....

With just that one sound that one background score of some random film and that very instant off n gone you were.....the waaay it just sort of rushed the blood through every cell in your body, coming alive cause of all him was rushing through you and HOW!!!!!

Just that one sound that sort of in a way literally sung out your everyday to life and that beauuuutifully!!!!!!

Want more of Him, everyday every sec of every day wanting more of Him evry morning you wake up...

More of Him...!

Memory...!

 Prolly the mmost hurtful eye opening thing bout a memory of a day of a time is to know it's a Memory...

To realise that it's a memory!!!!!

As beautiful as they are most loved as they are some days on the calendar that one feeeeel to realise, it's a memory maybe that's when it hurts way more!

Some days THAT beauuuuuuuuuutiful still feels like it was just yesterday...

Missed the most and yet again!

fine line...!

 That one fine line that one fineeee line that always sort of changes it all away and how!!!!!!

From feeeling that much of Him to nothing at all , the waking up....

Galti se sleeping and the way some moments can make you feel like in a way it was more bout a moment of living him closest in that moment drawing closer to him and then landing back to reality waking up......

Some days on the calendar evry year never get over !!!!!!!

First ever holi , with Him.....

Another one of those firsts of yours.....to living that beauty of the mirror moment with him......

To living that similar moment years after on the very same day or nite tonight even be it in the dream for a bit smthings never make any sense...

This beauuuuuutiful smthing that you are filled with in this very moment, THAT much Him!!!!!!

,...........

 This definitely has to be a first!!!!!

Never in all these years did you ever have a dream a mornjng like this one!!!!!!

Him holding you away closest and then telling you am not coming back you are ruining my life!!!!!!!!

The sound of his words that close to your ear he was that close and the way just the way he says it all...........

Smthings in life will always remain a priority cause theyce been that way always right from the very start.....anything to everything to do with Him has always remained and will, first in your life...

This time too just the disgust in his voice for you you just can't get over.......this dream is definitely going to take very long to get over!

Last 3 days have been bad at work cause of that one worker issue and then helping your friend out wit her weddding come may it's been that packed.....and then this one presence of his and this way for the very first time almost changes it all for you......

Let him be and as he called it ruining his life just let him be.....

Some words am not coming back!

That day in the evening when he mentions asks you that one thing what are you going to do when you don't have me in your life if that happens what will you do or months after when that noon he just mentions it's just for sometime taking the space lil did you know........

It doesn't immediately hit you things like these the change that will be coming soon after or years after.......

But one thing for the first time that evening him over your lap when he asks you that one question of your life the answer years after still remains the same.....you just donno still donno, How!!!!!!

Mornings...

 The start to the day today itself was that beauuuuuuutiful mind that beauuutofullly high on that dream of his nose still smelling all him and that one wait to continue the dream like get back to sleeping just soooooo you see him again touch him again sniff him awaaaay again!!!!!

And by almost noon you finally give up and get up and straight to Ur place mind still that beautifully high on him and kuch bhi karlooo that mannn he nai horaaa tha charloe studio jao bolke.....

And with his music you just be just be in Ur place ......this corner I tell you a trip of its own...

This beauuutiful breeze in the air smell of mogras and this mind here right now in this moment fullllky awakened on all things Him since morning...

Some pictures of his I tell you and the waaaaaay it can just fullllllly transform your mind away pooora 360 degreee.....

That one girl how lyckyyyyy how very luckyyyyyy and who bhi just like that.....

Who hota nai chalie kuch log nai likha ke aateey...wish nai karna wait nai karna nothing bas likha ke aateey nai!

For now this white mogra tooo now ayaaaaaa that one pic of him that lil white flower over his lil sexy mole wala ear and the waaaaaay he looks that deliciously adoooooooorable!!!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee yummmmmmmmmmmmmm zoooor zooooooor sweet yaaad are miyaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaaaaa pakad keeeee khaaaajaaana bas ayaaaaaaaa that one lil big beauuuuuuutiful thing I say!!!!!!

Khaisaaaa likha ke aateey !!!!!!!!!!

Nai!!!!!!!

This mogra that HIMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

howleeeeeeeeeeeeeee beauuuuuty yaaad kiyaaaa dilneeeee kahaaaaa ho tummm!!!!!!!

Him corner...

 There's this thing charlie bout spaces the waay they can make you feel be it places you've been to already or that one corner of your house that's like no other that one corner just like that one someone in your life that you can just be with...that one person just that one that you know you can be like with nobody else but just that one that knows you like no other.....

The same vibe the same feels places too...that one corner your corner and for you it's always the Him corner of your house....and somehow balocnys always tops the list also the very place where you've had endless conversation with him all nite till the morning hours.....no wonder this innate love for balconys!

This home somehow you couldn't find that one space and yesterday passing by close to the studio this jhoola wala with the stand kinda thing and ayaaa those many childhood memories of your love for the jhoola I say....it somehow used to make you happy like no other......

And after years you see this jhoola at his place right outside his room and that was the forever spot of his cousin rohit then and only this one time almost nobody at his place and he makes you sit there and pushing away gently and you more than anything else that one moment with him to just feeel that slow move living him it's just that sheeeer beauty of some moments to just live him charlie in momnets like those.....

Yesterday when you see that similar jhoola only this one with a stand and you get it fataak se....

Place it in the balcony and this prolly was the best decision you made in a long loooong time...

This feeeeeeeeeeeél this place gives you now has become your Him corner......

To just be here and feeel away live awaaay all things Him with his music playing.....

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!

Selfieee in your him corner of the house 

Him on your mind beer haath mein his music in the ear and ayyyaaa this khushboo of the mogra second best decision was to put these mogras in the balcony......

Nights like these...!

 

Photograph...

 Some images you can't get your mind off.....

Just the waaay he looks that beauuuuuuutiful ayaaaaaaaa mind I say gone!!!!!!

His hair his daaaaadi the way he is standing that one expression that smirk that you looooved on him it's like suddenly it all comes back to you.....one pic one Him that many versions lived his expression the faces he used to make while mimicking characters from movies.....

All it takes is a moment a picture and of all things that one Him I say!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaa the more you relive that picture of his that face of his now everytime he is online this misseeeing that you can feel getting worse this beautifully worse!!!!!!

At work discussing designs and your mind all of you is just not with you at all...

Just what exactly what his actual presence used to make you feel like, everything else and around blurs away all that stays that beautifully always Him...

Smthings!!!!!

 Smthings and the waaaaaaaaaaay it can make your heart feeeeeel!!!!!!!!

This feeeeeel that comes with his presence now every single time no matter what you are doing that need that rush to just live him for a bit and every time he is there this new feeeeeel like he is actually there the waaay its making you relive that same feeel after years...

That feeeeeel of his actual presence with his online presence....

Kyaaaaa ho jaaara ki charlie!!!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaaa this one lil big beauuuuuuutiful thing I say pooora ka poooora howli banaaaa gaya!!!!!

This feeeeeel of his presence him standing there that wait in him that you could almost see it through him as he just used to want to live you for a bit and only after a while come closer.....

That same feeeeeel of his presence since yesterday everytime you see him online now...

Ayyyaaaa this mind now I say....

Like you just cant get yourself to work!!!!!

Human bird...

 Him!!!!!!!

Even today as you just be living him in that one pic of his.....first that same feeeel anybody to everybody including that kid I saaaay how very lucky !!!!!!!!!

To just live him look at him hear him touch him to be with him live moments with him to that basic lilst of thing breathe in the same air as him share that space......LUCKY!!!!!!!

its that thing charlie bout details living someone's details and then loving each one of them and then when you miss the very details or miss out on those details anybody that gets to live it beyond words wali feeling....

Sometimes it feels this unreal like did he ever love you like all that did happen for real like was there really a time like that too!!!!!

Or its juat your mind living breathing through this trip!

Lil gin and this mind waaaaay tooooi much him by now!!!!!

Aisaa kabiii useee dekheee tho this feeeling charlie....

That beauuuty wild beautiful hair open just like back then he used to looking his beauuuutiful best him that beauuuutoful human bird....

Like you can just sit there admire adore the beauuuuty like just sit there and not move not touch not go any closer to....and bas doorse admire the beauty cause you go any closer it will definitely fly away....

Woooosh bolke even before you know or are prepared for...

He is that beautiful wild bird there can't go closer can't touch can't feel to just be admire adooooooooooore!!!!!!!

Kitttaaaaaaaaa bhiiii mannnn hooo can't go closer to can't touch it cause you don't wanna kiss out on living that eauty too....cause it will just fly away you touch it and it flies!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!!!

 These few pictures with some friend of his and family....

From a closeup one to this standing one hair open that beauuuuty of his daaadi glases on pink floyd t and the waaaaaaaay he looks beauuuutiful it's like in the closeup one as adooooorable as he looks wit that childlike smile ayyyaaaaaa that one smileeee of his that tooootallly overshadows to that of the kid next to him.....

To this other one where he looks that beauuuuuutifully wild one lil big beauuuutiful untamed lion kind.....thaaat beauuuutiful!!!!!!

To thus other one again where he abosssssutelyyyyy adooooorable with the kid again with a cap on.....

Am tellinf you charlie put him next to any kid and you won't look away get your eyes off him even for a sec like knowww for sure any kid not as adooooorable with that smthing that beauuuutiful pure childlike the waaaay he is.....also why you can never get used to your standard tree dream every single time that one feeeeeeeeel no kid as Him nobody as beauuuutiful as him I say there's smthing when he is in that mode and then again when you see him the otehr him that way.....same feeeels I say!!!!!

The way the hidden you comes alive and how!!!!!!

Only with Him....anything to everything to do with him the waaay it just makes you alive ......like suddenly breathing!

To See C...

 There have been many times charlie where you just sort of wanted to write him just message him away to just know!!!!!

Clear your mind out and then that usual thing bout losing out on this Him too that you have now.....

In moments like the one today it's this lil bit of khushi that you get to live is what you don't want to lose out on....

Typing away message and deleting again with this same fear agar phir block kiya tho....and you skip it away....

Ek aur howliii cheeez maloom one lil secret between you and me.....

Jab jab bhot se bhi zyada miss karti and that one zooooor seeeee boldennaaaaa wali feeel aati nai just write away I miss you I love you chipppy or just howleeeee when he is online and then delete away....in your mind in that very moment you still did in a way write the missing out ab send nai kiya that's a different story altogether but in that moment it's that to share the missing away sort of fills up....kaise howww no clue smthhngs nai most of the things in love you just donnooo don't have any logic for it just is the way it is...you don't need to imply or find the logic behind it cause it did make you feel smthing it did move you did allow you to feel that shift inside you with that smthing.....and that's all that matters cause you felt him...

With those moments of living him to just wanting to live him through his pics on insta and you also check through the tagged section which you recently discovered when your manager tells you on the business page....

And only today you see his tagged ones and the very recent one being a week old....

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuuuuuutyyyy of him charlieeeeee that one feeeeeeeeeeeel to seee him from that close after THIS long!!!!!

It's that one feeeeeeeeel like every time he can tooootallly overshadow any kids adooorableness with his......ayyyaaaaaaa the eyes fataaaak se get glued on him all you wnnaaaa seeee all you ever sawwww Himmmmmmmm!!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that THAT beauuuuuuuuuutiful!!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee tummm likteee likteeee zorseeeeee yaaad areeee miyaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

A complete Youday!!!!

 Right from the morning that early that fulllllll feeeeel of him wali dream right from that distant stare to ayyyaaaaaaa that feeeel of him that THAT close to you that you could feeel over your ear that whisper that close to your ear ayyaaaaa smthings you this fcking badddd wannaaaaa write and also can't write out!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaa that pouty feeeel over your ear that close to you that when you wake up you smell him the closest to you today!!!!!

THAT close!!!!!

To a morning like a that one and the post happy nap that you keep slipping in as it's the off day today and you just lay in cause you just dint want that feeeel to goo like you know in that just happy high mode where you feel that high that beautiful slow state of mind and you just don't want to feel think anything esle but just that feeeeeeeeel.....that feeel of his closeness stil sniffing away all around you for as long as you could smell him around you.....

To those moments through the day right from that moment when he keeps coming online that often and you just be the waaaay it holds you awaaag and how!!!!

Like to just vibe awaaay with that feeel with his music on...

Almost the complete day felt like he was right there......charlie when you are in that zone that one zone of happiness that one feeel that one smthing you live feeel after very very long you sort-of let the reality drift away like you know not thunk a think that it's a random moment him talking to somebody and not you and yet you just take it to be him standing there looking at you cause that's exactly how and what it felt like......him right there standing and you living that beauuuuuuty of his!!!!!!

All of him every bit of him, just living him awaaay cause in your mind through thise few times throughout the day it was him stanjnf there looking at you and as mad lost it completely it's sounds like to you it meant the world...

Cause it was smthing you lived FELT after what felt like a lifetime of 6 years!!!!!!!

Youdays!!!!!!!!

 Days like these when you are just like that for no reason for that tiniest lil feeeeeeeeel of living him online he sahiiii just made you that happy!!!!!!

Almost like living him the complete day today where you liwtrally give a shit bout reality and let yourself flowwwwwwe flyyyy away to the waaay to just the waaaaaay it makes you feeeel.....

Just vibe awaaaay trip awaaaay on that feeeeeeeling just that feeeeeeeling of living him like he is literally there like right there standing there and you are just living that beauty of his......

AyyyyaaaaaaA that beauty of his and to live him and then to seeee that beauuuutiful untamed lion like almost beauty for real ayyyaaaaaaa day heart all of you just made and HOW I say!!!!!

That one feeeeeel charlie he just fills you up with like nothing else in the world possibly can!!!!!

A day like this selfiee thooo bantaa this khushii of just living his presence charlie in your own crazy somehow waaay!!!! Felt like you almost almoooooost met him after years!!!!!!!

ALMOST!!!!!!!!

Lil hiighhh and without highhhh before and after wali khushiii I say!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moment of peace...

 Right in the middle of all the hush hush your lilst moment of peace...

To just live someone's presence recall that feeeeeel of living his presence his actual physical presence as you live his online presence......

Smthings you refrain from recalling cause you just knowwwww how and what's it going to leave you feeling like... And then all it takes is just a moment a tiny lil one to sort of drift you away from everything else and closer to that feeeel of living what living his presence used to feel like...and why you loooooooved it THAT much......like waiiit for it to just be able to live his presence...

Smthings nai off n awaaaaaay from it all and HOW!!!!!

Anything to everything to do with Him...

Just a moment of Him and the waaaaaay you become this beautifully all n just Him!!!!!!

That one feeeeeel of living him!!!!!!!!!

Days on the calendar!

 Not sure if it was the magic of His mornings or just that feeeeel of it being a day away from maha shivratri that one day on the calendar that you also look forward to the most....the way it strangely feeeks the most connected to Him on this day with him every year...

Every single year this one day...

Like the other days that did become Him festival special dates this one too did become Him...

Smthings!!!!!!!

This thing bout writing him the sec you start one lil smthjnf the waaaay it all just rushes through you this day today was smthing else....right from his flying chummis from under your building after dropping you standing there looking up and still missing you to that one wait of his for you to turn around that one palat moment that he always used to wait for after dropping you home and that one smile every single time you turned around and then would move his car.....

That same moment that same wait of his even in Bombay after dropping you at auto you sit in and could just see his legs through that lil auto khidki still standing there towards you and waiting for you to turn only after the auto moves he walks to the apartment.....

Kyaaaaaaaaa hai ye!!!!!!;

Whwre to where only it went......

Its been like this charlie aaaj subah se it's like every lil detail of his every lil thing his voice his words that one look stare of his anyrhjnf to everything him this beauuuutiful rush filling you all away with just Him.....

This beauuuuuutifully!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeeeeeeeee You adooooorable lil big beauuuutiful thing how only You were missed today!!!!!!!!!!

One of those days!

 When the day itself starts of with that beauuuuty of his and that THAT much of him and the sec you wake up it's like you can still feel him smell him feel his touch just can feeeel him no matter what you are doing it's just that THAT much of Him that you wake up with....

Day off cause of your friend and her wedding venue scouting and sorting thungs out for her....day now starts off with that first look at that big board right next to your new apartment that says anand silicon and in bold CHIP it's like anand small but silicon chip in bold it's that thing bout places lil findings words that you stumble across and it just rings smthinf in you..... smthing just clicks...that corner becomes yours cause again it's your way of filling up for all those places of His that you that badly miss passing by your way to work every single day....

That one word that one board is like smthing you wait to see or fill up all those places that you miss seeing of his....

To out with music through the day songs through the day at the venue over the radio with his music still playing one ear plugged in and yet these beautiful lilst of instances through your day and that need to live him in that very moment and most of which he was right there in that very moment with you.....in your mind with that rush that beauuuuuuuuuutiful rush from morning it was like he was right there with yiy standing beisde you with you in that very moment...

As mad crazy as it sounds even writing it now it just felt that much more beauuuutiful almost surreal....lilst of instances that made you feel his presence with sound or with your friend out of nowhere calling you cookie for fun and you ask her not to just that sound of the word and that one beauuuuuutifully adorable echo of his voice calling you in that one usual specific tone of his voice with that much love coooookiepieeeee hai meri tu....

And then wait for that nod from you to say a yes confirming yes you were waiting for that confirmation....or over the fone when drunk that first thing always coooookiepieeeee!!!!!!

Even as you write this very thing as you write and still can hear that echo of his voice same way calling you out.....it's that strange that pure madness you know but is just the way it is.....as you write coookieepieee that echo again of his voice right now that same way.....

Kaisaaa kya kyu nai maloom charlie kabiii samaj ni ata!!!!!!

Still how!!!!!!

Just is...

Just living those moments missing him that bad and then have him right there almost like he is with you.....was that bit of your just...happy mode!

Its that feeeeeeeeling charlie of some moments that make you relive and re miss fhat feeling that you almost forgot with this time gap now.....that feel of having beside you standing beside you close to you!

Today in those moments in those instances that moment was that for you...allowing you to recall re live and re miss that feeling of having Him beside you, with you...

One of those days...

Sometimes when you wanna write soooo much juat cause the misseeeing hit another level altogether!!!!!

When it just got worsest than it already was!!!!!!!

It's that thing now charlie the sec you write out smthing that just made you feel that lilst sense of His happiness the happiness that comes just with Him, anythjnf to everything to do with just Him!!!!!

And then just when you write out how smthinf made you that happy or even just happy it changes fataaak se....that superstichy thing it's bexome now toh!

Bas boletho fataaak se change I say!

But today when you just can't hold it in its that bas boldennaaaaa wali feeeel I say!

And here you are again feeeeling that same way again that one feeeeeeel the sec you start to write bout Him...that one feeeeel that gushes rushes through you with just one word one thought of him that one glimpse of him that rushes through you as you write and blink away recalling reliving him as you write.....

Its that beauty charlie that smthing that just flows throufh you as you write...