Rewind...

back to where it started !!

floods news mail him asking him if he is fine again one of those zillion things you shouldnnt have !!

one of those zillion mails you shouldnt have hit a sent !!

only later in the evening at the workshop geting some urgent order done....

and this one ting on the fone...

lookup it was Him...

with a listen need  to tell you something.....

and the first thing that all you wanted to know was if he is okay cause that random msg from him was something that was long gone.....

and that very first thing hits your mind if he was okay....

and after all that ya am good and all he mentions bout wanting to say somethign important and you aks again what it was bout and he talks bout how dint want to tell you casually and all and by the sound of his words that one n only thing that could possibly be it just by the way he was talking bout it..... getting married and you ask him the same and yes it was !!

head out of the workshop to the stairs place at the opp house.....

just be there plug in his music and just be.....

it was that one feeel your only best friends getting married and there also was that thing but that best friend was your love too !!

its that weird feeel charlie when you dont wanna sulk cry over it cause he is happy finally getting married to that one girl who got luckiest in the world !!!!!!!!

and you wish him trying to move away from the conversation and he asks bout coming over on skype before saying a yes.... and you couldnt and the way he sounds that formal with that aap tone if you can which he was more used to come on skype now.....

and you being at manikonda miles away from home literally tell him for an hour or two even if you start immediately and only after he mentions bout getting married thing that one feeeeeeeeel..... how could you even see him watch him !!!!!!!!!!!!!

and even after syaing the same he still mentions bout the skype call and that feeeeeeeel knowing yourself and what you were already going through in that very moment you sure knew what it would be like watching him knowing about his marriage....

skip that one thing that you almost wait for every sec of your life with every blink of an eye - to see him to live him !!!!!!!!!!!

the way he keeps asking if you were okay and all and again asks you bout the skype and that feeeeeling the mroe he does saying no to that you alone know what it was like.....

but merseee nai hua chaarlie.....

for once when you dint want to see him, cause he already was somebody elses....

like how do you just see him knowing just knowing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

neither did you want to cry it out before him or hold onto him ...... and everytime he kept asking if you were okay that one feeeeeeling crying and laughing at yourself hauuu nai okay hu boli thoo jaise merse shaadi karleta naii.....

prolly the first time you were crying and laughing at once !!!!!

talk bout hitting the maddest level of mind in fraction of secs i say !!!!!

to that one line from him when he finally asks you to forget bout us and to not mail him either....

that one promise that one word you give yourself, you wont ever hear a word from me ever again...

not even as a reply !!

not sure if it was bout setting him free or setting yoruself free from wanting needing him.... all those versions of wanting him in ways be it living him paas se ya doorse or any of the other zillion list of things that you wanted to do with him all of those and every bit of it, setting it all free !!

wish him luck and get off and live your own moment.....

when you finally breakdown wondering why did you even join that very same gym of all the gyms in the world !!!!!!!

in that moment there was complains looking up above not sure complaining whom and bout wht..... complains bout why you were the way you were why the things were the way they were why it couldnt be easier for you like its easier for the very easy girls around..... why love couldnt be as simpler as you hoped thought it was.....

why that one thing in the world you ever loved couldnt be yours...

the many whys the many complains in that moment..... and that one thing that kept the calm still through that storm of few mins to later few days was his music.....

it just does smthing charlie......

not sure what but just does smthing...