Tuesday, 27 August 2019

Mixing realities...

there was this one truth that he actually told you bout on your face literally.....

the one thing that changed it all for you !!!!!

from your everyday habits of living him in his places to skipping them away.... to not suddenly getting on whatsapp to hear him to waking up to him like al of these that in a way made your life complete was smthing you were pulling yourself away from cause he wanted you to forget bout it.....

and there was this reality that you were living soon as you shut your eyes after much struggle the dreams the kind of dreams the waaaaaaaaaays you were living him in the dreams was another story altogether....

to this nite yesterday after a start like that one yesterday this beauty of the book that talks of the mind and human interpretation of things bout how they fail in liivng life and the details with their heart and mostly focus on living with their minds....

and the more you read that one feeeeel the waaaay all of his dreams were making you feel like !!

he lied to you bout him getting married !!

was the strangest and prolly your peakest level of madness till date.....

and yes yet it did feel like it....

he lied to you again one of his attempts to make you move on in life.... the way even while saying it it dint feel like his words and it was as if thought someone did make him do that.....

the waaaaaaaaaay his dreams have been off late was smthing that sort of got you to this conclusion that he lied to you bout it...

like that one strong feeling of it !!

and the way this even more made you decide on many things but thwre was that need to get your mind out to just talk it out to someone.....

smtimes it gets too much in your mind to stay in....

and this one msg from your manager asking bout some client detail and you ask her if she could come down as she stayed in the next building and then have a chat bout it.....

and to your surprise she comes over with her psy beedi and talks bout how her bf gets that stash for her....

in your place and as she asks if you had one or not and then asks if you would wanna try that one moment of holding the psy beedi in your hand and then looking at her.....

its a normal situation its not even like she was some guy but it just felt weird....

whoo hota nai kuch smthing dosnt feel right..... there are smthings in life you just wanna do share talk be with that one just that one someone..... be it even sharing a version of your own self with just that one someone....

that one someone who knows you has seen you like nobody else ever has or ever will.... like things you just wanna do with that one someone not smthing you decide but its that thing bout just the feeeels like whoo andaar seee mann ni kiyaaa... like that psy beeedi you that badly waited all these years to smoke with him was just bout smthing to do with him..... like allowing that one version of yourself to unfold just with him....

its that thing bout allowing yourself to be that way or in a particular way wa ssmthing that stayed with him and left with him....

and you nod away saying a no and from work talks to this one sudden talk bout her bf she asks bout yours.....

and you finally decide to talk out what was running through your mind....

wit that thing of her not asking you any question or names and stuff.... like you just wanted to talk out to someone....

and she agrees and  you start off with about the first seeing him at the gym......

and even as you were talking bout the first seeing him walking that way in that very moment you stop talking and just live him in your mind.....

and that very moment she says you are still in so much love with him....

like she could see it in your face..... how just talking bout seeing him for the first time changed your face....

and that question from her what went wrong then.....

and you just nod away and get back to the work talk....

smtimes your world your life is better off in your mind than being out and that moment for you was bout that.....

when she asks you what went wrong.....

smthing you still donno could never figure out !!

to the next day when she texts you bout the same thing if you wanted to talk over text or smthing and you change the topic and she goes on bout how imp it is to let go when youve been distant for way too long....

and asks you to completely stay off if you think you should if not for you then for him if thats what he wants..... cause you did mention bout not being in touch for years now....

even as you write now smthings seem so easy just the word forget let go where you know its important too smtimes you just need to ......

but what if there is that other side of your world other side of your reality that has a language of its own.... speaking to you in more ways than one....

which world do you stay by with, which world do you consider for real !!

like the whole conversation bout letting go goes on for quite a bit and that one thing on your mind if only it was that easy if only there was just that one reality one truth that you had to deal with....

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