Lost!

 Not too sure where or how to start even!

Prolly the worst worst dream n nite of sleep ever!!!!!

The only thing beauuuutiful bout it like always His presence....him holding your hand away through the nite all through the dream...

The way it felt strangely like a reality check......cause you being you for your own mad mind reason did think him unblocking you just 2 days before your second most loved day of life he still maybe felt the same for you, still in love with you maybe and mayyybe just maaaybe he still did remember too...

To the zillion other dreams inckusing day before one that feeeeeel of his love and the one yesterday almost changed it all away......one reality check.

Some forest like place and him holding your hand and then pulls you closer holds all of you away and just stays that way where there was another you sitting a lil away and watching him hold you to the moment when he starts to talk bout someone....

And then suddenly tells you he needs to take u to some place....like through the dream you couldn't really visually see see him just his voice and his hands holding yours...

Walks a lil ahead of you still holding your hand and then tells you I'll take you to her fav place she really likes it and that one feeeeeeeling charlie where you want to that bad run away from that moment run away hide away from that moment but the thing holding you the hand holding you was all that mattered cause you atleast were still living him livimf that moment with him.....

As he keeps walking you ask him which was his fav place and the way that beauuuuuuuuuutiful change of tone in his voice saying howlii of all people you don't know bout it, it's the stadium and opera....

It was like he was still in love with you but just didn't want to be with you......cause that's when you know why he didn't want to invest in that kind of time with you.... communication sharing giving attention sharing words sharing moments sharing lilst of things wanting to know details sharing details communication are the things when you want to be with someone life woth someone.....it's only then you share yourself with someone...

And after bup that's never been the same....

It was like all through those moments as he talks bout someone you did realize the same...

To that moment when you finally reach the place and instead turns to you and holds you again.... And tells you you must bring someone you love here too it's a beautiful place the most beautiful irony of that moment being you already were living that moment right there....

It had that same feeling charlie everything inside in your throat that choking feel cause you couldn't speak your pain out cause in that moment he sounded happy sharing something with you and you in your way did find happiness in that moment being held by him being able to live that moment with him...cause right from the start him being happy mattered the most to you, always will.......

It was that same feeling when he did ask you that question back then what if someday I'm not in your life what will you do..... That feeeeeling as he holds you and talks bout someone was that feel, now what will you do!!!!

All that love , lived loved, now what will you do!