its like you are sitting in the middle of it all and the world around you just the world around you is constantly moving and changing as they move... including Him !!
and thats the nature and way of life...
thats how its meant to be.....
just that it dint work for you !!
so you just sit there and let the world flow as it flows around...
and not flowing wit it !!
cause where you are sitting is where you are at most ease where you can just be and the flow around is smthing you dont relate or connect with.... dosnt feel like yours !!
but its all changing so fast moving so fast like days go by months years gone that fast....
with you still there where you were...
today standing there after not weeks but to think of it now months of looking for that one space that you had on mind and finally finding smthing that looks much more beautiful than you had on mind and smthing that you connect vibe the most with.... Nature !!
right at the entrance that beautiful wild forest like vibes against the white contrast of the bungalow was smthing else.....
like that first sec of feeling that smile on your heart and yet not completely happy not that sense of happiness state is when you realize what really made you happy.... and nothing else could ever come close to that, not even this one place that you were that bad looking for all this while....
like almost makes you question yourself why dint it make you happy poora and just heart smile moment.....
some questions you already know the answer of !!
just like this moment prolly a day or two days back.....
out for grocery shopping with mom and as per usual her looking for smthing and you lost in his music and browsing through some designs and this one loud screeching sound of the trolley and you look up and this one corner there was this guy standing with his brother or smthing wearing this grey t shirt beard on and looked that similar like Him....
like that closely similar with Him in that one grey arri t shirt of his..... that one snug fitted t shirt on him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he used to look that much more beautiful in that one.....
today after years you see someone look that similar just similar to him in that same grey t shirt.....
that one moment like it just holds you makes you wanna stay that way and keep watching the guy cause in your mind you still were living him in your own weird crazy way....
like you just up the volume of his music and just watch the guy away its only after a while when your mom shakes you up and you take off the one ear plug and she asks you if you knew the guy as you were smiling and lost in the guy with the guy looking back at you and smiling too.....
all that while charlie not even for a second did you really see the guy smiling at you or even staring back at you.....
is when you realize how lost you were in that one state of happiness having found some trace of him to live in that moment....
and how in the daylight waking state you were actually living him in some random guy without even really seeing the guy staring back and smiling at you.....
like those few mins you actually were happy cause it was Him that you were living then.....
those details of Him rushing through you from back then in that same grey t shirt...
like for you that moment the world just stopped in the present and just you back in your most loved time and living him in somebody from the present...
only after that moment of realization you ask your mom if you could just get away and go back to the car.....
cause it was that weird with the guy still looking or mom getting mixed signals about you wanting to move on or smthing....
and you just wanted to get away from it all and just be...
back in the car and replaying that moment again strangely made you happy cause in your mind weird crazy fcked up mind that one moment those few mins you actually were living Him, just that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of Him.... in His grey t shirt right there in that very moment !!
and thats the nature and way of life...
thats how its meant to be.....
just that it dint work for you !!
so you just sit there and let the world flow as it flows around...
and not flowing wit it !!
cause where you are sitting is where you are at most ease where you can just be and the flow around is smthing you dont relate or connect with.... dosnt feel like yours !!
but its all changing so fast moving so fast like days go by months years gone that fast....
with you still there where you were...
today standing there after not weeks but to think of it now months of looking for that one space that you had on mind and finally finding smthing that looks much more beautiful than you had on mind and smthing that you connect vibe the most with.... Nature !!
right at the entrance that beautiful wild forest like vibes against the white contrast of the bungalow was smthing else.....
like that first sec of feeling that smile on your heart and yet not completely happy not that sense of happiness state is when you realize what really made you happy.... and nothing else could ever come close to that, not even this one place that you were that bad looking for all this while....
like almost makes you question yourself why dint it make you happy poora and just heart smile moment.....
some questions you already know the answer of !!
just like this moment prolly a day or two days back.....
out for grocery shopping with mom and as per usual her looking for smthing and you lost in his music and browsing through some designs and this one loud screeching sound of the trolley and you look up and this one corner there was this guy standing with his brother or smthing wearing this grey t shirt beard on and looked that similar like Him....
like that closely similar with Him in that one grey arri t shirt of his..... that one snug fitted t shirt on him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he used to look that much more beautiful in that one.....
today after years you see someone look that similar just similar to him in that same grey t shirt.....
that one moment like it just holds you makes you wanna stay that way and keep watching the guy cause in your mind you still were living him in your own weird crazy way....
like you just up the volume of his music and just watch the guy away its only after a while when your mom shakes you up and you take off the one ear plug and she asks you if you knew the guy as you were smiling and lost in the guy with the guy looking back at you and smiling too.....
all that while charlie not even for a second did you really see the guy smiling at you or even staring back at you.....
is when you realize how lost you were in that one state of happiness having found some trace of him to live in that moment....
and how in the daylight waking state you were actually living him in some random guy without even really seeing the guy staring back and smiling at you.....
like those few mins you actually were happy cause it was Him that you were living then.....
those details of Him rushing through you from back then in that same grey t shirt...
like for you that moment the world just stopped in the present and just you back in your most loved time and living him in somebody from the present...
only after that moment of realization you ask your mom if you could just get away and go back to the car.....
cause it was that weird with the guy still looking or mom getting mixed signals about you wanting to move on or smthing....
and you just wanted to get away from it all and just be...
back in the car and replaying that moment again strangely made you happy cause in your mind weird crazy fcked up mind that one moment those few mins you actually were living Him, just that beauuuuuuuuuuuuty of Him.... in His grey t shirt right there in that very moment !!
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