Rush of him!!!!!

 There are missings that you live almost every day and there is a missing like this one Aaj subah se it's that rush strong rush of him rushing through you this missing no matter where you look what you do mind this beautifully high and blank onn all things Him....his details evry lil detail of Him running through your mind and vision on a zoomed in mode!!!!!

It's that rush charlie to just run away no matter where he is to just run away to him and hold him away and not just stop there!!!!!

Something's you so baaaaaaaaaaad wanna write out!!!!!!

This mind today like never before!!!!!!!

That Him like never before!!!!!!!

What do you do now!

 Evrything you feel now espcially after waking up with his presence like today this feeeeling now what do you do now!!!!!

Cause living him from that up close with moments like these even writing it now what do you do!!!!!

It feels different now it's this beautiful high that comes with that series of ironic whispers back of your mind...and tha very second a bike passes by in the jam with a backpack on that says Priority...

To that kid in the lift who looked almost like him from his bachpan wala foto and again the smile on that you stay on 7th floor but you go all the way with the kid to the 20th floor just to live that feeling for longer....almost felt like living that moment of his bachpan with the kid standing there looking up at you and just smiling away you don't talk a word cause in your head it was all him that you were living in your mind with his music still playing.....

Moments dreams you just donno!!!!!!

This you right from the start of thebday today you keep smiling beech beech mein as your manager talks bout work sipping away cofeee and your mind with that song trip on and him on your mind looking away at the road watching a VW passby smile away a lil more.....some feeeels you just allow yourself to live away knowing it just might hurt you more but this feeel charlie you struggle to hide not think away....today you just let yourself be cause that's how and what he made you feel like with his presence and how!!!!!

Just couldn't get that smile off i say!!!!!

Beautiful madness...!

Him!!!!!

 This him high you've been since morning!!!!

When you relive moments from the dream to the ones lived for real with him it's the way it used to make you feel charlie like almost every nerve in you evry cell in you dancing away feeling to the fullest the most alive most awake and yet that beautifully slow.....it's like you feel everything most around in you and yet lose sense of everything else but Him...it's like just that moment just that presence of him and rest woooosh blur!!!!!

That same way of looking at you that evening in the car the way that same face that same look but with words this time this morning.....even writing it now strangeky Aaj kall it feels more madness for you to be still feeling all this still living him in dreams feeling him in dreams like how this is still happening you still try your best to get a hold on but this one thing charlie has always been this way ever since the start no matter what you do anything ANYTHING slightest of him and the way it transforms you away and HOW!!!!!

All of us have that one thing in life if you are that very lucky that one thing that means to you like nothing else could would that one thing that can affect you in the most beautiful way or the worst way too like that one thing in life like nothing else.....makes you feel the way you do!!

To you the first time was him and it's always remained that way ever since the start...

Living the you today ever since the waking up you feel this all the more relate with this realisation all the more today....like nothing else ever can!!!!!

Everything you've ever felt, everythhg you still feel...!

The sound...

 Moments charlie all that's there to life to live bout with...

Smallest to the biggest that sort of mark your mind away stick away with and HOW....

This one sound hauntingly beautiful and the words or word and that flashback of his drive try your best but sometimes know it might hurt after but you can't still stop that feel don't wanna stop that feel to just go with the way it's making you feel kinda vibe with the sound...

Like said the only times youve felt complete proper woman kinds have been with him in evry possible way and term....evry feeling ever felt every emotion ever lived every moment ever felt!!!!

Post song high this one dream that close to what all you felt and missed him with bit the way it ddint feel like it was connected cause you were high on the song it just felt like it was more of a reply an answer from his side....as crazy as it always sounds writing the moemnts feeling out in words but that's exactly how he felt like how he made you feel like it!!!!!

Moments like these so real conversations like those that felt that THAT real how do you even take it to be just your mind or it's just you.....it's the way he comes charlie the way he talks in that zone with those expressions making you realise feel it daaaaaaamnnnnnn sooo soooooo wish you could just write it out away this def being one of a firsts that you've ever dreamt till!!!!!!!

Something's even this very moment reliving it in your mind as you write this THIS feeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!

The only person in the world who could do this to you your mind I say!!!!!!!!

Like yesterday...!

 Sure was long long time back but some dates on the calendar and this feeeeeel especially after a start like the one today!!!!!

Mahashivratri tomo more like today now another of your most loved days that you look forward to evry year this one day more like celebrating his presence in your life kinda vibe!!!!!

Not sure if he still fasts but the way to just live this day his way did become your most loved thing bout this festival.....it's that vibe charlie this day comes with its different it's the most beautiful feeling every year can never grow used to it...it's always always felt special!!

This one day start to finish his way I say!!!!

It's like magic the way something's fall this beautifully in sync mind as it is that bad on a missing trip and then when you live him the way you did again when you so soooooo bad wanna write it out and know can't!!!!!

One string after the other all it takes is just a touch that one touch and that beat it lands you with this mind since the start of the day today......

Can't fight can't hide away from!!!!!

Getting it done!!!!

 When you can the story and theme created by the media guys and the manager talks bout the timeline and how it's getting delayed and as you mention you'll write it yourself instead and just nods away commenting how can you write the theme!!!!

Who andar wali awaaz i say yaaa right how can I write!!!!

If you are passionate about something you just can't go with just nice somehow that feel that yessssssssss this is it nai nikla with all those stories ab that rani wore that uski shaadi pe kinda stories yiu can't link .....bachpan se as it is that one why do they teach all this history at school you've always had!!!!

Then to add that very same thing that can make people lose interest only in sitting and reading the story you just couldn't say a yes to.....colors palette sunsets mornings dreams are more poetic it needs to have that personal feel of a moment lived a story lived and felt to feel that connection....a dream with a color palette morning rays with glimpses of him through those white wild flowers his tree dreams that you stay away from writing now moments of daydreaming him in thise shapes of clouds the blue skies with eagle....

The collection is turning out more dreamy and feminine and you wanted to work on a theme that defines feminity and strange as it feels writing it out now the times youve felt a woman have been with just him, again that feel of a finished piece of art...

The day goes by working on different things and finally these hours of the day your most loved ones is when it finally happens...

Work on anything with all the love you have in you and it's bound to transform and how!!!!!

Ever since the dream this morning mind Aaj kal gets that puzzled after dreams like these to that state of being lost last one week se this missing and you control and sometimes look for reasons to get hold of your managers fone with that hope of one glimpse of him and it's not happening almost stopped posting kind.....

It's that feeeeeel charlie when that lost and how you suddenly feel that sense of some contentment when working and something you connect with his like a moment filled in a strange way.....

Today felt that and soon as it's done this need to save this vibe away!!!!!!

It's not much you had to write just avfew lines but the sound of it you looveeee now!!!!!

It's more you......

It's moments like these you miss him the most too!!!!!

That one person in the world you know who would be the happiest is also when you realise you do something and that need to share completes it nai....to just share!!!!!

Kya hua nai maloom kyu hora nai malum but one week se this feeeeeel charlie this one missing!!!!!!!

Love...

 More than the idea of love or just that feeling of love maybe you learn more bout love as you love more...like it's the center focal point of everything you do in life!

Aims ambitions goals there is all that and then there is love, one can achieve that much but without love you somehow lack that something like you know there is that finish3d piece of art and then there is that unfinished piece of art same goes with life too, unfinished piece of art is to just be ambitious with a zillion goals in life , a finished piece of art bad or good is that which has love....

Not sure if just high but the way the mind feels with this one sound cause in your head as it plays now with writing is like a flash of him with evry word and thought as you write.....it just feels very different thus one sound just that beauuuuuuuuutifully all Him!!!!!!

So ya today work on multiple themes but the name and story that comes out best was something that you live and love the most now - Dreams...

Reading quotes n stuff online and this recent discovery and love for Urdu words!!!!

And everytime you read something and try to spell it akele akele as you write em down epiglottis him mimicing shahrukh from my name is khan movie back then the most adoooóoooooooorabke thing you've ever seen lived loved in your life i say....

Finally Khwabeeda happens.....

That wait through days years then that wait to fall asleep knowing .....sonethungs you write and this feeeeling ekdum se hits you alag level pe nai!!!!!!

Words i tell you!!!!!!

Mind mein alag lagte but soon as you write it out read it out now after writing this feeeeeling!!!!!!!

Dreams n visions!!

 Having practically lived him his presence all these years in dreams n visions.....the way it always did feel like he never left!

Until recently!!!!!

Today last few days se these discussions and meets for discussing the theme for the first proper collection theme wise and the media guys work now strangeky feels very monotonous with the other brand works that they already are working on....

Lack it lacks that connection that narrative that you can relate with the design and color element...

Had to work on finalizing it quick so the print part can proceed call it off the media guys saying uts on hold and finally take it in your hands to work on....

Writing story writing after this long to just pen down something felt different after these years...

Back then standing in the balcony him talking bout his passions in life and you in complete awe of him lost in the way he just looked that beautiful talking bout his love for movies and one look at you in the eye and he asks i never asked you no what do you like the most and you just look at him and then go on bout your love for animation and couldn't pursue it and stuff and the way he did mention back then maybe it's not just animation it's the visual thing that you love the way you live him his details and he always noticed that bout you....

Today at work sitting there to work on the theme and story eyes shut with his music playing and that one evening that glimpse of him standing there breezy with him looking his beautiful best under that balcony lil bulb light.....no wonder this love for orange hue tones street lights even today the light too that many memories of living him under those lights...

It wasn't random love for visuals it was that love to just live him charlie it's that feeeeeling of being loved that much by someone in thise moments of living him that very exact feeling in the way he would talk anything chit chat bout anything and the way he would just look at you ekdum se and you lose it all that one second and all the sound goes blur all you could see feel live was him in that moment his very own sound would go blur just that one look charlie!!!!!

From that moment to the land of dreams and how it did turn out to be the only thing all this while that kept you going apart from his music...

Khwabeeda…

 Exactly why you love this hour of the nites these quite few hours with just his music and your mind feeling the most you….and sometimes when work just gets that bit better!!!!

Finally the design theme, name and story for the upcoming one…

Khwabeeda…

Reliving and weaving the dreams through art and design, she dreams in pastels and blues with brush stroked weaves of floral insanity…

Do some dreams do come true even?!

then there is the block!!!

 There are things and then there are things!!!!

This one thing you are not sure if to be thankful bout or what!!!!

Random somebody leaves a message on ur WhatsApp yesterday and at first think it's work but then turns out random not sure how did the guy even had your number but this time like you were sure it wasn't him like you just knew it not his regular spies that he used to with you cause this time you knew!!!! He just wouldn't!!!!

Block away and that very instant how much of something whoooo waisaaa feeel hona t9 block someone away nai fataak se one click one ting to just block away and draw the line bas that's it where you belong!!!!

Could never do that even gusse mein back then when used to not even for once all these years it's those usual deleting him away and at night that one presence of his that one feel of same wrong doung and that need to right it away that promise to just be and add back...

But never a block!!!!

Phir that self talk imagine what you are and how you must be ki it's block straight away just like that not just deleting a contact couldve been better but nai ting bolke block!!!!

Writers i tell you!!!!!

Ek baar bas ek baar to find this discoverist of the block i say ek baar bas milna maloom hona who it is!!!!!!

moments!!!!

 Try karri charlie evry single day like sometimes you even look around in your head with that thing of am changing trung to change look at some guy and instead you see a white shirt it's Him there in an instance you see a beige chaddi it's him there you see a collared t shirt guy with pilo sign it's him there from those Skype calls you see a purple color it's him again from Skype call you see white shoed guy it's him there you see a hairdo see a Ray-Ban khaki see a him......

There shouldve been a timer the only way out zoop bolke gone!!!!!

Ye andar seee ittttaaaa saaaara him how do you khaaali it out ye samaj nai Ara mere!!!!!!

Still working at it hopefully with a maybe tomo or maybe the day after or after that...

Kabhi bhot zorse lagta charlie this phase of your life you so sooooo badly missing sharing with him...he should've been now!!!!

When you live some work high he is the first one that crosses your mind to share it with cause you know how happy he would've been for you cause back then he that bad wanted you to do something with your life...

When a stylists assistant for saiee shared a screenshot of the convo with the lead stylist and lists out your brand name listed with jayanti and the likes it's that feeling of immense pride that it fills you with making you realise how far you've come professionally from nothing to this.....and the only person who would exactly know this bout you Him!!!!!

And ushe ke saath u could never share these with!!!!!

Happiness is only real when!!!!!!!!!!

Some sounds nai all feels ekdum seeee like whoooooosh bolkeeee bhar bhar keee feeeels hore!!!!!!!!

What's this!!!!!

 Day before yesterday there was this moment from the dream that you tooootally didn't want to write out just cause the way it makes you feel even reliving it it was beautiful again cause the way it just connected to some moemnts through your day...

Noon at work and nodbiy around just you at the studio and just be reading his chat with his music and that one line and get off it and just lay on the floor instead....

Didn't know how maybe you did sleep for a bit still not sure what and how that was and he was sitting right there his hand in your hair and you just turn towards him and ask him then what's this and he just smiles that one smile that one smile charlie where he thinks he is not smiling or almost there at it but like you can see it see him smile that one smile lips tucked in eyes go all big and that one almost smile wala expression of his and then with a pause calls you howli with that nod like you just don't get it kinds and you wake up cause that was exactly what you read and disturbs you we can never be ya don't even remember now!!!!!

And the dream or what it was was like that continuity of your moment that you shared with him and actually responds the ulta exact opp thing instead!!!!!!

And you still don't get it !!!!!!

Dreams these moments just dont get it.....

Standing in the middle of a jam all around with all that chaos of sound sometimes and it's just you beech mein with too much sound and sometimes theres no sound at all.....

places n moments!!!

 That day when the multi store guy mentions bout Bombay being first place to start with and you had to be there so sign some formalities to proceed with and that one feeeeeeel charlie!!!!!

How some places become people like you think of a certain place you think of them instead cause that's how beautifully it's laced with all things them...

To you Bombay now is all and just Him!!!!!

The word the sound the visual anything Bombay and the way all of you is like overloaded with that rush of his versova meet!!!!!!! The day you thought you found your love back again!!!!!!

The day after years he just didn't want you to leave for the first time the day where you just lived him with every lil blink of your eye with evry breath you took to just live him!!!!!!

Ur best friend your dancing wrestling writing music partner!!!!!

It's a zillion versions of him and you yourself with him from that meet that come to life in an instance with anything Bombay that falls on your ears!!!!!

Keep that on hold for now and work on the others!!!!!

Also with these moemnts that sudden echo of the Bombay memory and today it feels like one dream be it the meet be it his love for you then or you yourself....

This you smiles rarely occasionally maybe talks very less maybe strict at work very maybe lost in the crowd maybe.....

Change is something you are working on but it's the him chalrie kitna bhi try karlu donno why nai hora!!!!!!

Doing the best possible you can stay away from using your managers fone but some dream and that one constant wait anything him on his stroy and doesn't happen and then wonder why did you just do that!!!!

To the other offer today when some other brand literally approaches you through the manager to design their studio too cause they loved the theme and overall design bit of your studio...

Again anything that's done with love i say had to had to turn out like this the way your studio did!!!!!

Every nook and corner almost some glimpse or the other of him when you were doing up the place again wasn't intentional the way it all just connected away like lost dots that were brought together to connect and form something this beautiful...

Stringed together...!

To just live!!!!

 There is the reality that you are struggling with like how do you even deal with it now!!!!!!

Aiming to get better at work every single day working hard towards it and in a way it's your way of not letting the reality take over you!!!!! To somehow stop those whispers of his chat!!!!!

It's def been a harsh slammed reality after all these years and something like that maybe takes time or does it ever get any better is all you hope with every passing day....maybe tomo it'll hurt less maybe tomo every passing day!

Day comes so does the night the way it just changes it all away just like that.....it's still sounding absolute madness charlie but really wish you could see him the way he is just there making you feel exactly what you miss bout him talking to you the very same things sometimes even talk bout your day to him in sleep now it's weird it's madness but it's beautiful cause evry morning almost you can still smell him his presence even after waking up...

Some quote on one of those pages you follow on Instagram that says it goes like if you live something strong believe in something strong and you bond with it it does come to life and dreams are a way of showing you how they are coming to life or something like that.....

You just don't get these things just don't understand how exactly when feeling him in a moment you see a random guy wear the exact same t shirt of his ur another most fav of his red n blue and walk across look at you like was making you live that moennt of him by literally looking you in the eye.....or with just a dream of his you wake up look outta the window and see sky full of his white birds that he used to call flying stars at night......

Or somewhere some lucky Ali song of his randomly plays at a store and some guy in white shoes with almost same jaali wala backpack of his with also the very same olive green khaki jacket of his stands right infront of you and turns around again looking in the eye....

U see such things in movies charlie signs everywhere directing and there is the you seeing these very things and yet somehow that bad directionless i say!!!!!!!

And this one sound lately every bit of him nothing else but just that beauuuuuuuuutifully everything HIM!!!!!!!!

soo difficult!!!!

 Why is all this that easy for some and this difficult for some!!!!!

Again just must come with a sensor timer one off ting bolke the other must off too! 

This week's been a high work wise when some multi designer brand approaches for collaboration for your collection to put them up at their branches across India main cities being Bombay Bangalore Delhi Ahmedabad and the day of the meet that very morning the way he was there it was that beautifully different!!!!!

Cause strangely the way it was connected to the other moemnts through the day....never got to see his first film the biggest heartbreak it totally was to this one dream of his.....can't write out again for obvious reasons but those whispers of his and that one feeeeeel you wake up with!!!!!

Helpless again!!!!!

Through the day and another meet wit this cute gay couple branding guys and you just sit there one ear plug in wit his music and then discussing bout the layouts the print media stuff finalising and asking you for your final go and you were that blank wit just the way he looked that morning and that very same second the branding guy goes mam am waiting for your final say like waiting for Godot and feels like ages sitting here.....

That one word that one name and that one rush in that moment it's that one trippy sound from one of shpongle tracks zillion beats in one go like your mind ditto goes that way a zillion happy beats in one go with that one sound of Godot glimpses of him from that meet reading his script chori se him watching you giving you those few secs to read it sitting there at his table his script close to his guitar on the floor that one smile and that one tone of his asking you not to and yet you hold on with just a word more a line more a lil more of him in his words ...

His scripts have always been that to you meant that to you just like his music a moment of his mind a moment of him being mostest him in and with his words and sounds...

That one love to read anything him to listen anything him....

That moment with the word Godot off you were get off the chair saying you had to rush somewhere and will get back in a day....

Head to your place off late concu and just be with his music!!!!!!

Moments charlie all there is to it either you just let them go or live them feel them to the most to just live such moemnts of Him out of nowhere to just feel him in moemnts like these charlie!!!!!!

LIFE!!!!!!!!!

How do you even!!!!!

 Do your best off late trying your level best lately but it's the nites charlie the way they change it all away in an instance that one glimpse of him that one sniff of him one touch one sense of his presence around you even with eyes shut that one presence of his and you are all back to square one...

Been busy more than ever before back to back meetings working on designs and yet nothing comes out of it cause you know your mind this state of mind on some days!!!!!

Today of all the days felt that THAT very different like you could just feel that strong sense of him like could just feel it that strongly today that he maybe thought of you missed you as crazy lunatic as this sounds now writing your mind out writing exactly what and how you felt today ever since the waking up frok that dream of his......just can't help it!!!!! But this need to write it out cause that's how strong you felt it still know it's madness him missing you but that one stronger than just gut feeling wali feeeeling it was charlie today!!!!!

It was something SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!!!!

could just feel it today all in you!!!!!!!

Magic!

 Of all the days of all the outfits it had to be this!

The first thing you see is the change in placement of your outfits in the wardrobe as somehow the house help managed to place his section of outfits to the front while organising the wardrobe and the very first thing you see is the same yellow outfit his favourite laced with a zillion memories!!!!!!!

Of all the outfits His yellow one…!

Some days just like that!!!!!!

With a nite like yesterday with a morning dream like today with a mind like this now the day already I say!!!!!

walking through!

 Days and meets on the calendar!

Opera this day!!!!!!

It's walking through vibe on days of the calendar and this feeling every single time that you can't fight or hide from...

If only you knew back then 31st July 2015 will be the last time you'll see him in person touch him hold him you definitely would've held longer tighter closer just a min longer!

This feeeel now charlie feels very different!!!!!!

And some sounds exact same vibe walking through reliving glimpses of him from moments this mixed feel now....in this very moment from opera to his other home!!!!!!!

If only you knew back then...!

Calm n chaos!

 Only calm n chaos…

The one place to run to find your calm!

One place and these feels!

Ur old house- A galli full of memories!!!!!!

Another one of those places with that many beauuuuutiful versions of Him lived in…..

Him!!!!!

 Beige chaddis to anything!!!!!

When he mentions bout him having moved on and asks you to start dating someone!!!!!

Aaj bhi any shirt you see on someone that you really like it's him that you see any ody walking around in cream chaddis your eyes right there on the legs cause it's him you are living in that moment turning around from that lil auto window watching his legs still there turned towards your side like his habit from back then to wait for you to turn around and look at him that day too at versova him with a cigarette in hand turned towards your side that wait for a bit and then crossed the road heads back in.....

Any shirt anything in the window to this one collection of things that you've got for him got made for him today asbyiu come back home and picking something to wear just see the jack n Jones bag of his shirt and that echo of words from concu what do I do now!!!!!

Moments dreams placed music and that many wishes from that some day to this!!!!!

Like you find yourself in his dreams and soon as you are up you are lost again with that sound of his words from chat!

Love also must come with a manual book nai charlie!!!!! Including the timer bit too!!!!!

Moments...!

 Some sound some visual something and the way it connects you with him to just looking out waiting for your order to be ready and you look around and this one guy with his exact same hairdo his black rayban walks past by and you rush out leaving your card and wallet at the counter head out but maintain that distance just so he doesn't see you and you just live him for a bit cause you were that sure it was him in white shirt again....

Rush out and it wasn't him head back in only to find the counter guy mentioning bout your wallet and card it's like in that moment that one hint of the visual to just visually live him in a white shirt his raybans that one smile of his and you just had to off n away to Him!!!!!

That one feeel one line of difference between the before and after that one feeeel charlie i swear is the worst!!!!!!

To today when you see someone wear that similar cream knit with his cream beige chaddis that one most loved thing on him from the versova meet!!!!!!

That one visual and that one feeeeeeel of him again this soon after you wertr hit with the sound of words what now!!!!!

That one sound to this one visual and that one feeeeel of him again.....close your eyes and the way that same feeel of his knit that you could still feel on your fingertips in that very moment today.....

The way he looked that beautiful charlie ever since then every sighting of the cream chaddis did bec9me him.....letting you allow8ng you to live the him from one of your most loved day of your life!!!!!!

Cream chaddis are pure love ever since then!!!!!!

No matter what charlie some moments some things can never make any sense!!!!!

T he more you write anything lilst bhi from that meet and the wAaaaaay it fataaaak se transforms your mind away the waaaay thrvhand the mind all of you wanting to write more something from that meet maybe it's that feeeel of living him in words from thdt day!!!!!!!

Something's!!!!!!¡!!!

Moments!

 From that moment to staying a lil longer the words sounds conversation moments and that feeel of him even more.....there's that beauty in stillness in moments of nothing and yet you feel so much feel so connected with something....like all of you with that sense of most you in that moment!!!!

Like suddenly something makes that much sense even when all you are doing is just sitting in some place connecting reconnecting with a certain thought or a moment passing by.....

Same conversation continuation at the studio where she mentions bout the incident and stuff and you just be with the work and that same feel still on your mind...

To another moment and that rush of the dream from yesterday it's that feeeeeel charlie the way these moments in your present day connect you with the dream and the after feel of it....you just can't hide away from!!!!!

TO this morning too similar dream again and that feeeeeel right after it the way it just stays with you at work post work with that sudden meeting with another client at concu as you were out already....

A friend of a friend with sudden event she had to discuss something at concu for late they leave manager leaves you stay for a bit longer....evenings there are even more beautiful there is crowd definitely but to just be with his music the lights around the nite sky above with that feeeeel of him again.....some places when you really like it's like your way of living it with him cause thatsbhow bad you miss him being around places things you love...to live it share it with him and your way of doing so filling it up is with his music .....

Ur order comes over is when you unplug the music to ask something and this one word what now you tell me what do I do!!!!!

Music back in and the word stayed with you!!!!!

Dreams on loop the way the feeels rushes have gone on an all time high the missing growing with evry sec with every dream loop playing replaying through the day too.....been missing him everything bout him that THAT much to that moment today when you hear those words...

That sudden feeeeel charlie with all these feels what do you even do.....maybe all these years there was that someday definitely in you in some corner still thinking he is busy with work some day some day year after year.....but what and how he did mention bout things the way he did this time felt different!!!!!!

It like suddenly changed everything away!!!!!!

That one some day ringing through your moments dreams wishes suddenly it was like being hit with a delete......and suddenly you are lost!!!!!

It's weird nai when you still live moments and more importantly the kind of dreams the ways of living him in the dreams the kind of conversational whispers you hear of his and then to recall what he said and how do you even accept that digest that fact away!

How do you do that!!!!!!!

HIM!!!!!

 To once there your usual table and just be with his music and some work finalising a few fabrics and designs to go with....and suddenly your managers boyfriend and a friend of his comes over saying hi and stuff and his friend was a model looking for some work and you mention bout not working on  men's wear anymore and takes a chair and sits down for some conversation and that one feeeel cause in that moment you were watching this one eagle with his music playing the way it was moving to the beat the wide beautiful wings just like his the same mode of Him every single time a sight visual of the eagle in a flight and that one feeeeeeel of Him it brings along!!!!!!

It's absolute love in the most beautiful form!!!!!

To just live him in and with that moment of eagles flight!!!!! 

Also why sky watching when missing him like this has become your recent most loved thing too!

Take your usual call move a lil away call the manager instead!!!!

Mins later she was there talking to them instead and you move to another table where she comes again asking bout a few female models finalising for the next shoot and the way her boyfriend comes over with some picture of a model saying how hot she looked and you must take her instead and your manager in that very moment looks at him then back at you and you could sense what and how she felt in that moment.....much later they leave you stay and the moment stayed with you!!!!

It's not even bout comparing charlie cause there's no absolute comparison to him with anybody!!!!!!

But some moments nai do that to you hold your hand right amidst one certain moment take you to another moment similar one lived and make you allow you to relive that feeling as to why you loved loved that moment in the first place.....

Things to do with love charlie one thing yove realised over time and years now, they don't have to be big super special epic stuff the tiniest of things the most random of things can leave you with that one string feel of Love can make you feel special can make the most random moment feel special....add that meaning to the tiniest of moments!

Him!!!!!!!

When you share the few pictures of your design with the model when he asks you for yours in the recent chat the way he fataaak se says who is this why are you sending these i wanna see you not her!

It's that hint of Him from back then when you both would people watch girl watch around and have these commentary conversations bout the dressing the behavior the random most things and not even for a second that feel of him checking out even with a side eye...

He is there or not there that's all there is to him.....he wouldn't if he doesn't want to and if he wants to there's nothing in the world that could prolly stop him from doing something!!!!!

As simple as that!!!!!!

It's the way he is charlie every bit of Him!!!!!

The more you write this now in this very moment that one feeeeeeel of Him!!!!!!!

The way suddenly this rush again!!!!!!!!!!

yesterday!!!

 Back to yesterday that you wanted to write out!!!!!

It started off on a weird note finally for the haircut and you try this new current prominent one asking for a lady stylist with her unavailable some guy comes over instead checks and stuff for the hair wash!

First instance felt wierd you take it to be your mind the second time the hand goes way down your neck immediately next you know it goes even further down the spine almost under your shirt ka collar is when you get off and ask for some senior of the salon some other lady comes over raise abcomplain about the same and some lady comes instead just get the shampoo off the hair and get out....a call mins later of some female staff there thanking you for raising the complaint with the owner of the place regarding the same as that guy had a history of doing the same shit with other female staff too being a senior stylist! The guy gets fired but that one feeel you come out with!

There are these instances charlie like even akele akele when some situation you are slammed with and you could hear his certain words phrases the usual ones being boletho sunte nai bola main tumku arii kya karraa ine Ari aisa kaisa gaadi chalate it's like you mostly hear these out in different situations like suddenly his voice with that very same expression of words in whispers is all you can hear and the way it brings that one heart smile on your face no matter what the situation...

This one too one of em the way he back then had a typical same situation conversation with you regarding men touching hair washing it or cutting it and why he was being that way for a guy cutting your hair back then.....apart from the obvious one being karely it's your hair afterall!!!!!

The cut happened finally at some other salon with some lady staff but the way that moment stayed with you....and that usual need to be on your own and you head to concu instead of the studio...

There is that sudden need charlie when you live something bout him a moment certain memory to just stay with that moment live it a lil more feel a lil more reliving that memory reliving that sound echo of his voice echo of his conversation to just live that feeeeeel of him...

And off late you really like being at concu with his music coffee and just people and sky watching to just be with that feeeeel of him rushing!!!!!!!

Sound of the hour!

 This love for this hour of the day nite rather....late nights with work off late with his music playing and last few days with the mind this beautifully high on all him the way this vibe his music creates around and in yo8!!!!!

It's beautiful at peace or at Storm sometimes but this beauty of his music at this hour specially....

The way it all just flows be it the him on your mind rushing through you or the work inspo like the mind in that dilemma of being full in work zone and at the same time this mini flight of all things Him...with this lil inside conversation decide which one you want to flow away with!!!!!

This beauty of nites i tell you his music gin ki utar jaati but this beauty of being him high with his music playing...

Days been beautifully ironic aaj tho from that zone of being mad passionately high on him to that sudden realisation when you hear the word what now with some backround random conversation of somebody at concu late in the evening....

Just the sound of some words nai from all the rush to that why feeling so much when he called it it's over now.......it's like suddenly you were all lost in that very moment!

That feeling one feeeel you just dint know how to brush it off and get on with it.....the way it just stayed and come back home later that need to gin it away and this one accidental play of his another track andbyou couldn't pausee it away the waaaaaaaaay. He just flows with his music charlie it's like a gift box that just opens up off the ribbon all on uts own it's like sudden something comes alive comes out of something all on its own and you just sit there and live the beauty of the moment of the unravel unraveling of the magic...witnessing it away and flowing with it!!!!!!

This mind!!!!!!!!!

Moments n memories!!!!

 This mind now like you were that sure of writing the day out soon as you are all by yourself at this hour and then some urgent work comes up still working on the design and you just randomly play this old playlist of chill tracks and this very song one sound and the way he is there in every second beat of this track cause that's how much you've lived the different versions of him through the song on those Skype calls with that one wish of listening to the same once whrn with him!!!!!

From the gazillion wishes this one too!!!!!!

From his robocopness to johnybravoness to that innocence to that wild forest like the most beautiful wild forest that is!!!!!!

Those transitions sometimes slow and sometimes like a hailstorm and HOW!!!!!!!

sounds n memories i tell you kyaaa likhnee aye hayeeee this mind now.....

The one face the only face and yet why!!!!

When you suddenly feel a rush of this how do you even subtle it away expect it to just pass!!!!!

Mind this you this very moment and that one Him someone up there suddenly did decide to put you in this mode last few days se that one state of mind ever since to the waking up to the moments of wait to get her fone just so you could see one sec of him you are trying but it's just not happening charlie!!!!!

It all suddenly feels very different VERY!!!!!!

even in this very moment this feeel flashes of him from the chats moments from the chat living him from the chats that one wait!!!!!!!

On loop!!!!!

 When dream just one dream of his shook you up that way changed transformed you your mind and HOW and the same dream with variations playing on loop past few days.....

It's that feeling you wake up with that one feeeeling from wishing some day to this weird feeling now from that much of him to suddenly lost once you are up!!!!!!

It's like suddenly it all feels that much different that weird lost helpless weird wordless thing soon after you are up and realise it was a dream...

It was a weirdly beautiful day moments sound visuals that one feel of him that one missing rushing through you blink he is there with all the rushes and feels and HOW!!!!!

Its like last few days se you are living him constantly with every blink in a zoomed up version of his like that upclose no matter what you are doing where you are it's the aay he is just there !!!!!

Now with this track with all him on mind again one of those times you had that much to write but these feels these flashes of him!!!!!

To live someone's details as you love them one journey only!!!!!

Every lil detail every lil expression that one him i tell you!!!!!!!

This TRIP!!!!

 From work mode the mind this flight it's on zooooooooop zaaaaaap bolke i say!!!!!!

All it took was just this one sound of His music...

Like always it's this this very feeeeling how anything to do with him is like just a touch away to leave you transformed or to just give you that flight mind all of you work mode to flight mode i say...

One sound of his music and this you again in this very moment!!!!!!

How do you even deal with this mind now!!!!!!!!

MOMENTS!!!!!!!

MOMENTS like these!!!!!!!

When your mind is at it as it is and then this happens!!!!!!!!!!!

His sound of music and the one song that perfectly in sync with the zone of mind Aaj kal THAT many memories!!!!!!

The only word that screams through you WHY!!!!!!!

going through your very old chill tracks at this hour this current love and of all the tracks of all of em this happens this one track and the memories with this one track are another world full memories that one wish ......

Again one of those things you wanna write so bad and can't write out stuff too!!!!!!

Of al the days of all the track it had to be this one an intentional torture mode i say!!!!!!

Charlieeeeeee if only he knew if only!!!!!!!!!