The Balcony Stories…

 Lets call this THIS!!!!!!

In your balcony looking out and asking you bout the exact spot you stand at and wait and wave at him…..to which is the spot you sit or stand early hours talking to him…….

And after many questions like these and many talks bout the films and you telling men in black is all almost youd seen and loved and he pauses and that beauuuuuuuty in that pause karely if you ever get the time or chance watch godfather apart from the many others like fight club before sunrise this was one too…

Mind very off lately by the end of the day this missing has been worse very worse lately not sure if its cause of his missing lately or him missing you lately or its just yiu going mad missing him away and now after finishing watching this new dinosaur kong funny one it’s this Godfather…

One tick done!!

Somethings nai!!!!!!!!!!!

Takes you back to the exact spot moemnt same space as him suggesting you away!!!!!!!!!

He was THAAAAAAT close!!!!!!!!!!

Mornings like bubbles in wine!!!!

He makes you happpppppppy like the bubbles in the wine!!!!!!!

 There are over zillion things at home to be taken care of today as it's the home day today and then when you wake up with a faaaceeeeeeeee like that the sound of voice like that one and a double dream back to back one that leaves you confused and weird feeeeelikg in the stomach to the other and how he makes up for the previous bad one!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa said it before can say it over j over again there's nothing in the world that can possibly make you this happy THIS HAPPPPPPPPPPPPY than seeing just that one face in the world for you...

It's this smile even right now getting the Aircon servicing done talking to them you can't stop smiliiiiiiing ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa like he comes and leaves a Himstamp all over you kinda morningsi say!!!!!!!

Him in that one black shirt and thus you've noticed him wearing that one shirt when he feeeeeels wild missing him in that burgundy shirt when it's love missing and him in the white shirts when it's a sleepy high missing wher e he just wants to come and lay beside you with you........

It's just pureeweeeweee magic what he does to you how he does to you and the waaaaaaaays he does...!

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa if you only had the slightest idea for all these years even the slighest!!!!!!!!!!

THIS!!!!!!

 There is absolutelyyyyyyyyyyyyy nothing that can possibly come close to THIS feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of living him away!!!!!!!!!!!

Anything to wvery lil thing bout him and this THIS feeeeeeeeeeeel it fills you up with is beyond words of the world I say!!!!!!!!

It’s been a weird feeeeel lately in the evenings at your you hour where you are mindlessly watching something startinf peaky blind and then suddenly the mind zones off and how!!!!!

It’s that flashback of all this while all this missing of years tigether and this feeeeel every single time when the realisation hits you!!!!!

Of the then and now!!!!!!

So you’ve been keeping off writing cause there’s that many moments of the day to write and then the current zone of mind you are at by end of the day somehow makes you wanna stay away from writing cause you know will eventually lead to the then current state of you writing too and that you don’t wanna write and then read out cause somehow it feels more worse wen out!!!

And then the waaaaaaaaays he comes after all that missing through the day through the night it’s the first sound of the waves crashing by and the waaaaaaay it calms all of you and you take another turn and try to sleep to the sound and that sudden switch in the sound the sound of his music playing it was some track that you’d heard a lot with him…and it wakes you up to see him standing near the huge beautiful window the light all over him him in the ayyaaaaaaaaaa that sexy tone of burgundy looking his absolutesexyyyyyyyywildself and HOW!!!!!!!

The way he just moves slowly and the waaaaaaay he moves it’s that direct string on you being pulled off and closer to him that feeeeeeeeeel of being magnetically almost being drawn to him…….and as you get off and go closer the way he moves a lil away wanting you to come closer like a tease a chase as you kee going closer the way he would move a step back and rhat one sec when you go a lil more closer and move in the way he was moving that immmmereeedddiate rush of him the way he grabs you like he used to by hair and just watches you to you it was everything cause the waaaaay the evening light was all over just his face and neck…….his eyes that beauuuuuuuutifullu high shy smiling away his lips wanting to kiss you like yiy could tell by the way he moving it so slightly his face that glow the daaaaaaadi that wild his cheeeks his noseeee atyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa his forehead lil ears of his his neck the way u could see just bout the hair n chest cause he held you it’s the waaaaaaaaaay that color makes him look like a walking breathing version of what’s Love like everything bout love the innocence the madness the passion the wildness the vulnerability the wild forest like charm of his that kid like smirk on him upto something vibe all over his face it’s rhat feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie breathing away his scent feeeeeling away his beauuuuutiful presence the hair on his hands as he held you to just live that feeeeeeeeeeeel of him and the waaaaaaaaaay he makes you wait till the moment finally chumming away all of your face away and not just the lips!!!!!!!

It was the most beauuuuuuuuutiful form of madness and love in the waaaaaaaaay he just lived your presence and let’s you live him every lil detail of his and then eats your face away literally and that sound or something you make you actually wake up to it cause you were that loud!!   

First thing to loook around and luckily it was just you at home this morning!!!! 

It’s that first feeeeeeeel to rush to the himversion first cause you wanted to feeeel that continuation from that feeeeeeeeel of living him to feeeeeling him again on your skin……

It’s this swirl of him that comes all over you it starts slow and that rush as you move nape of you to your waist to your arms your face and you still don’t get it every single time you write out it sounds even more crazy but that’s exactly how strongly you feeeeeel him around and over!!!!!!

As wide as you stretch and extend and you feeeeeeel him all along that strongly!!!!!!

This mind this you right now with those visuals of him to the sound of waves it was MAGICAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To live him that very exact same way another one to the LONG wish list!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuuuuuuuty of himcoming like that one!!!!!!!!

It’s one happpppy heart start to the day today…!

Singgggggggaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

 Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howwwwwww like howwwwwwwwwwwwweew can you possibly not feeeeeel away like this after the waaaaaaays he comes away!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa this mind this you ever since the waking up like you couldn’t look up from your room to straight to the gym room cause it shows on your face and HOW!!!!!

It’s this thing charlie after speciay after the waaaaay he has come the first thing to see yourself cause again the waaaaay he used to say post opera meets just as you get off the car and you look at him again that very thjng first the smile comes and that waiiiiiiit in you knowing he was thinking something and was bout to say something different not the usual talk cause that one smile of his ayyaaaaaaaaa that one smile of his and that beauuuuuutiful pause after karely you know one thing after you meet me your face becomes different it’s like all of me on your face right there and this he used to say for the color of his love too like I just stamped you with me…….

And this actually is a fact even years after of his absence even be ur in the dreams when he specifically comes like this first thing straight to the mirror and it shows IT SHOWS on you and howwwwwweeeeee!!!!!!

It’s different can’t even write down in words exactly how different it gets feeeels away but it’s that big of a difference……

It’s those meets you can’t write but it’s that feeeeeeeel charlie the way it’s different when you are sick he comes differently even when you want to feel him more but the aaaaaay he is like comforting you holding you and just laying beside you but like this when it’s like this it’s THIS rush of him lately like he is in that rush comes running running wildly and how it’s watching this mulligan or something series it’s like bojack one but a lil stupid fun types his music playing working on edits and you don’t know when you actually fall asleep……it’s that initial now sound of his him breathing and that feeeeel in you like there’s always that wait in you just when you know sleep is coming u know with that he is coming…..the whole process is that beautiful like it’s in your mind smiling away knowing any second now any second now and that’s when you actually get off put the oil lip balm brush hair brush and stuff like all ready to meet him kinda mental vibe things you write out hits differently when doing it nai…

Soooo yaaaaah there’s that waiiiit in you knowing he is on the way kind again AGAINNNNNNNNNN something’s you write!!!!!!!!!

To back to the moennt when you could hear him breathe close to your neck to the next second you see yourself in some balcony and him running across the room towards you and the waaaaaaaaay he holds you away without a word nothing just that rush THAT rush in him in the way he was moving he was breathing just that one visual him in a white shirt khaki chaddis of his running across towards you that one face of his even as you write now………

It’s that feeeeeeeeel of his arms around you it’s that feeeeeel you know charlie like all your insides all of you on the inside to your skin feeesl like you are home now……every single time back then too the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he would just hold you away was like literally taking off n away jnto him kinda hug…….

To these moennts and you wanted to see him see his face and this one time try to move his face to see him and as he turns you see your most loved mole spot on him close to his right ear and you try to turn him to feeel n live his details but the waaaaay he doesn’t let you instead it was ljke him wanting to live your presence filling up that missing rush in him it just felt THAT much missing like he missed you that bad every single time you write something it is different nai like you feel something dream something f but now as you write this feels ajeeb!!!!!!

The second you wake up your heartbeat was still high like beating that fast mind that saaaaaaamr vibe that you used to feeeel post meeting him like still that hiiiiiiiiiigh on him like you are up but still in that zone that beauuuuuuuuuuuuuutifullllly himzoned and HOW!!!!!!

Straight had to getting in the workout cause it’s that need that rush that want to feeeeeel him more love him more when you write live becomes love ayyyaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaaaa how only you are being missed awaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!

Geeeeeeeeeliest chummmiiiii feeeeeel hojaanaaaa uskuuuu abiiiii ke aboiiiiii!!!!!!!!

If only saying things away actually did work like that very way what only!!!!!!

To that moments of himversions how you feeeeeel him no matter which new move you try to feeeeeeel him like that not just your mind it’s all over you like you can feeeeel it that strongly to this one track you were him trippin on for the work video and u actually chose that very one cause it was like walking with him the sound the vibe of the track reminding away all those walks with him be it at the gym treadmill walk to the Habsiguda galli walk jsut to live you for longer takes the evening walk till ten galli end to the club walk where he used to play tt to the around the galli walks of his house or your house to the Versova street walk it’s was a different vibe………

It’ was a very different start today face still feeling the same heartbeat mind at its himhighddddd best the whole vibe of himcoming today lately it’s getting very beauuuutifullu different like he has been talking more saying things away which you eventually forget by mornings AGAAAAAAAAAAIN SOMETHIMGS YOU WRITE!!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yaaaaaaaaaaaaad kiyaaaaaaa dilneeeeeeee kahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ho tummmmm!!!!!!!!!!

Like THIS!!!!!!

 HIM in black shirt of his and how HOWWWWWWWEEEEEEEE only your heart wishes every single time to see him in that very shirt for real reallyvreal mein and be able to hold him too!!!!!!

Like how do you even not wish awaaaay after a himcoming like this one the waaaaaaaays he has been making you feeeeel live his missing for you it's this rush the waaaaaaay THIS RUSH the waaaaah he moves he breathed like in that rush to whisper away I really really missed you the waaaaaaay that very tone of his voice takes you back to those moments on the stairs at your apartment back then the waaaaaaay he would hold you and come close to the ear and wshiper away I love you or a missed you that very same exact tone of his voice years after this morning the waaaaaaay he holds you moves around m over you and tells you this........

It's the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks his amsexyniknowit gorgeous self in that spfttttest shirt like even the second when he holds you that way comes closer first thing you do is feeeel his shirt away like the waaaaay it feels literally like feeling his skin away on the hands as it was that soft and almost sherr........

Like it was that real the waaaaaaay he looked that gorgeous ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa him sleeeepy is his most gorgeous look I say sleeeepy high eyes that one smile that one rush in his complete expression the waaaaaaay he breathes around that rush in his sound like waking up from that to no alarm but the cooker sound cause yivrvbeen getting up late with no alarm noe......just so it doesn't interrupt the him moments from morning and the second you wake up all you can hear is his voice his sound of breathing high his hands on your skin still some feeeeeeeeels nai not just for the moment like you are suddenly all laced and covered with that feeeeeeeel of him coated with that feeeeel of him.....even as you feel your own hands now!!!!!!

Theres too many moments tooooo much writing waaaaaaay tooooooo much himhighd but it all comes down to that mood by the end of the day.......

Can't hide can't fight!!!!!!!

Sudden realisation!!!!!

 It’s like reading your that version feeels right now!!!!!

Cause Skype was after very VERY long like most of it you couldn’t figure out around Beret was away sign is all you could make sense of…

As you read the chat and this one realisation now one thing remains the same exact ditto same even YEARS AFTER!!!!!

Or maybe a lil more than you were before, same ditto absolutely madly crazily howlily in loooooooooove with Him…every bit of him every version of him every inch of him absolutely in loooooooove!!!!!!

Even wit the amaaaaazing Russian red army one liners of his where back then in the moment you literally fd it up and YET him being HIM the waaaaaaaaaaay that one madly adoooorable self comes out where in that moment you get mad at him for changing the topic but right now seconds back cracks you up with the kind of one liners he was coming up with!!!!!

Mother of Russia of all cause of red heads there!!!!! Of all things!!!!!

This one beauuutiful realisation how things have changed this bad and yet this maybe more from compared to back then, years after too you love Him a lil more today than what you did back then…

Words n visuals!!!!!!

 Some days and nights laced with all ALL n everything Him like this!!!!!!!!

After a day like that one to a night like this one from finally finding the password to Skype in that old bag of yours that you used to use with him and now reading his words his expressions like you mentioning bout his facial expression and the waaaaaaay with every word there’s that exact specific look of his that you visually live as you read the chat…….

And not a word to what how you were back then a lil now too still feeling shy reading the chat but some major embarrassing moments like with some lines you wish you could’ve said that instead of this there were too many way tooo many moments to just him calling deewani howli every single time and the waaaaaaay years after bhi you could still hear his exact tone of his voice saying it….

To the waaaaay he talks bout how he always exactly knows what your face says what your mind says what your body says without you having to tell him a word…….to that feeeeeeel again almost there almost there………..

Like this feeeeeeeel reading his words specially bout his facial wspressuons this one realisation HOW LONG it’s truly been having seen him for real his facial expressions for real him moving talking for real to breathe the same air as him feeling him touching him holding him touching his skin feeeeeling his daaadi his face to just live him how long it’s truly been……….

There are dreams of his every single night and morning you wake up now almost and then there is also a realisation like this one right now!!!!!!!!

To these two songs from the available chat as well devious one he had asked you to delete after some chat back then……

And this one you didn’t really understand much instrumental one but now years after not the starting bit but the way the track transforms that beauuuuutifully insync with that rush of the chat….

Like from being that hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhh on him all day long to this very you right now, long forgotten lived after so long…

this you that you, His you…!

HOWWWWWWWEEW!!!!!!!

 Howwwwwwwww do you even take a himcoming like this one to just be a dream ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

With that huuuuuuge missing last night post writing him out like always you finally start peaky finally and first few mins and pass out!!!!!!

It’s that one moment you turn to the side still on the couch and that saaaaaaaaaaame sense of his nibble of your neck and the waaaaaaaay it like always used to back then draws you closer to him and the waaaaaaaaaay he starts to slow nibble over neck arms shoulder just like he did back in Versova like even in that rush of a moennt you stop him and ask him why he never did this before and the waaaaaaaay he nods and back at it that very saaaaaame ditto moment last night too where you stop to say something and the waaaaaaay he pushes you making you turn around wit his chin cause that beauuuuuutofullu you could feeeeel his daaaaadi over your shoulder!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaa that one struggle to turn forwards him just so you could look at him but the waaaaaaaay he was just holding you nibbling over you holding your arm pulling your arm and keeps saying something again when you forget what he was saying by morning the waaaaaaaaaaay he just goes on that way with his one leg over you holding all of you away……..

It was that feeeeeeeeeeeeel where all of him making you feeeel like he missed you that bad and just wanted to live away all of you that way His way!!!!!!!

To this morning you again wake up still talking to him something that you actually were saying something and you wake up…….

It was that feeeeeeeeel of him charlie feeeeel of all him all over you like it had been that long of him holding you that way where every inch of you missing him away THAT bad morning morning!!!!!!

And finally get in the workout for few mins managed to somehow and that feeeeeeeeel the second you start the himversions ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that sense of him across your skin that one face from Versova that one face from drives and this you’ve been missing a lot LOTTTTTT lately your moments of living that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him as he drives around and howwwwwwwwwwwewee you loooooved it like tooooo toooooooo much cause that was your time of adoooooring him away living him away looooooooving him away and falling madly in love wit every detail of him!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaa this rush today as you live him with his sounds during himversions like you move you stretch and feeeeeeeel him along all over you every single time you feeeeeeel him during these moves making you wish for these very moennts for real with him…….like to just be able to feeeeeeeel him like this as you move extend his hands his arms around n over with that sense of him breathing against your skin as you move……..

Things you write out and this feeeeeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!!

It was sooooooooooo gooooooof and also made it all this beauuuuuutofullu worse now!!!!!!

After long really long!!!!!!

Like you can see it on your face that feeeeeel of having felt him breathed him in your waking state too!!!!!!!

Things again you write out !!!!!!!!

Years!!!!

 Lately this realisation of how long it’s been since you’ve see him for real touched him for real hugged him for real heard him for real the main reason to add for real is this important cause otherwise it’s every single day to hear him still hear him his exact voice saying certain things calling your name exactly how he used to feel his touch to still be able to smell his exact beauuuuutoful scent like it’s all still there and still isn’t…….

Is why sometimes these dreams don’t make sense to be able to live him this strongly exact version different versions of him and his love for you his missing for you him to be able to tell that to you in dreams and still the very version of the reality is when you lose the sense of……

Like how could this be still possible when he this strongly makes you feel him live him through the day through the night and still the distance for years now……….

Like you feel it so strong deep in your core that you can’t hide or fight that reality of yours too cause he did come that strongly felt that real like the shoot day you were actually laying over him your head over his chest and sharing some work thing with him in the dream playing with the hair on his hand and saying something with his music playing phuturepirmitve wala track playing and you telljg him bout it and that’s when your mom walks in and wakes you up saying you had some complaining tone literally sharing your day with him in the dream how weird could this possibly be where writing it out sounds even more worse……cause it somehow now makes you question your level of sanity like the only time it makes you do this…….

How could you possibly feel him this strongly almost every morning waking up with that feeeeeel of having met him and still long to see him feel him through the day looking for him in places malls streets around hoping to see him somewhere through the day…….to day trippin him through the shoot through the mall today and akele akele that him highedjust cause of that blink book moennt…….

Something’s nai something’s only!!!!!!!!

Zamanaaaaaaaaaaa ho gaya charlie having seen him for real to just live that moment of him standing across the room and walking towards him and living that feeeeeeeeel liivng that moennt of watching his smile grow that beauuuuutkfully with every step you take that feeeeeel of his hands his arm his shoulder that just that feeeeeeeeeeel of being wrapped all with him his arms around you ayyyaaaaaaaaaa to just live that one teeeeeeeeeeel of looking at him for real and the more you write this now this feeeeeeeeeeeeeel it’s filling you with!!!!!!!

This feeeeeeewwweeewwwwwwl right NOWWWW NOWWWWWW NOWWWWWWWWWWEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee if he only lnewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!’nnn

Moments!!!!!!

 It’s this whole vibe of his music playing and that one window frame bit in that setup reliving him on that couch if his from Versova to setting his hair in those Johnny bravo waves and the waaaaaaay he would just wait for you to finish and then mess it again and you start to do it again and that those few mins of him just watching you sit there at his knee looking down on you with that one stare one lilst smile on him and then the second you  are done the waaaaay he would mess it up again and come a lil closer the next time for you to do it again……..it’s like every lil moment from that day be it you just looking at his laoptio screen behind laying on his couch with him he would know you just wanted him to play that same track again and he would lean over and replay that same track and come back to you and that one smiiiiiiile saying how your face says it all and the second you tell him it’s only him that reads it that well that one knushiiiiii on him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa charlie you should see his that one expression when something makes him the happiest in a second the waaaaaaaaaaaay he used to transform suddenly like all of him the brightest light in the room kinda face he would suddenly make and that was life to you!!!!!!!

His smile to seeeee live that Khushi on him was life to you the waaaaaaaaaays it used to make you the happiest just to see him smile bhi ayyyaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Sooooo yaaaaaah to spend those hours in that Setup was like walking down Versova from that beach fence to that paan dabba across the street where he drops you where there were talking bout models bf to graphers gf and stuff related you had his music playing and himtrippin away under the sun……

Like you even skip lunch away and stay in the car for the break with his music playing and just living that beauuuuuuty of him cause strangely again one of those days when you felt him that strongly right from the start of the day……

Where your mom comes over to wake you up and notices you sleep talking to him cause she heard you saying the blue chip man and chippy both in matter of secs she was in the room…..

Like you were sharing something bout your day taking his name and she walkins and stays there listening and then wakes you up and the first thing she asks if you were okay and if not up for it can cancel the shoot for the day……like she thought it was the first time or something that you were missing him and sleep talking bout to him…….

Lil does she know it’s a story of your every single morning now almost!!!!!

Only that day she heard you loud out!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 It was the most hectic one sweating peak sun where the skin was burning like that bad……in between there was this beauty where your mind eyes going to that window frame his Versova room him sitting right there with the sound of his voice from the balcony chat instead talking bout but I wouldn’t like you to come to the set with me tu bas trailer and movie dekhne aana release pe mere saath cause of the whole movie set ka crowd I wouldn’t want you to come there and it’s not even easy karely dhoop mein shoot karna standing whole day it’s all difficult am telling you…….the way he was talking bout the whole thing was like he was prepping you up for tomo like his movie releasing his work his thought bout not wanting you to come to the set as it’s difficult but coming going to the release with him wanting you to come to the release with him……and that feeeeeling wiping the sweat away having that napkin in the pocket hau again right he was it’s not easy like it was that beauuuuuuuutiful to hear him in all that sound of grapher screaming at assistants the harsh max sun above his music playing through n through and that feeeeeeeeel of him suddenly brushing against your skin like a chilly breeze suddenly like it was that beauuuuuutoful that you had your smile on even with the chaos and madness around…….

It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie that beauuuuuuty of finding him in lilst of moments and the way the model being strict one actually comments on the one expression you had on like constant smile even with the weather getting that hectic and your face turning red……cause I swear charlie on the outside it was BAD like you’ve done outdoors before but the white wall setup with the Versova window that you were adamant bout shooting there was the worse weather wise cause some technical thing the grapher mentioned bout light around white setup sun thing and you don’t get it and the guy actually stops the shot to explain the whole thing bout sunlight and white background setups like once the guy starts to talk in between shots can go on for an hour without any interruption!!!!

And the model looking at you showing you the time as we’re already behind on time and you finally and suddenly never use the word but that day was all Him and HOW!!!!

U actually say and end it with ya am a noob actually so no matter how much ever you explain I wouldn’t get it and finally back to the shot…….it was only after the grapher mentions how heard the word noob after long do you realise you actually said it out from those car chats with him and his mango calling you noob and everybody at the back laughing at you and you were just smiling looking at him not knowing what it meant as mango keeps saying she is a complete noob and the waaaaaaay he smiles even more beauuuuuutifully jsut watching you smile at him cause you actual noob thought it must be something nice and he actually warns mango not to call you noob again and that’s when you realise it wasn’t something good…….

This very thing some moments you write and relive him from that exact moment under the gym in his car him in the driving seat looking at you smiiiiiiiiling away that beauuuuuuutofully!!!!!!!!

He was and is your pooooooora ka poooooooora heart and things in between ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa miyaaaaaaaaa if you only knew how only you are being away abhiiiiii k abhiiiiii!!!!

How charloe missing this bad away doesn’t travel not even the slightest recently he has even stopped posting nothing at all and that feeeeeeeeel lately all the more recently…

Moments!!!!!

 Finally the shoot starts and this one setup called dreamland you just wanted to use despite of its bad lighting and the graphers less knowledge bout indoor lighting for the shoot!!!!

Like the reason with everything on one side choosing this grapher specifically was charges less firstly like it’s on budget if you have to work every few weeks back to back shoot kinda thing and secondly the graohers knows and says wants to learn with the lack of knowledge but has the equipment as the brands used to work with they are not experimenting or being creative bout the campaigns……and liked our brand approach that ways as it was more towards cinematic some words nai lil did you imagine connecting words like his words cinematic director of shots or editing now when the grapher addresses you as director on shoot as you were setting rhe frames for each one almost……

Where this one time between shots the assistant was setting up the lights and reflector in place and the grapher comes over to show the shots on camera to review and asks you do you have some connection with films or film wala and that very second smiling away checking pictures and that very second the grapher mentions so it must be him then some filmy connection and you give back the camera okaying the framing away……..

Some moments nai just like that every single time some mention bout your love for films takes you back to that balcony conversation with him watching him glow his best look his beauuuuuuuuutiful best with all that breeze over him talking bout films his love for them……

And how with time it’s your most fav thing now for weekends like you love spending that late night sometimes passing out and getting up and again restarting the movie but making sure to watch one good film every week…….

And this love for films now not his level but in your own way you love it now………also the reason why you’ve been wanting to watch or start atleast peaky blinders but as it’s a series you know will take time so it has been in the procrastination section as of now but like it’s a movie makers fav thjng like anybody who loves the whole process recommends it in several interviews…….

Soooo yaaaaa the way you were setting up frames and making sure the grapher follows it cause was more used to taking shots for lehengas and wasn’t used to anarkalis and this being the first one you wanted to make sure to guide along so it comes out as you had imagined it as this was also one of the closest design wise where you tried your best so the Zardozi master could get a flying bird design right but failed with several trials so had to zero down on a sitting bird instead…….

This being closest and almsot first time proper location setup shoot you wanted it to come out perfect and it did and how!!!!!!

Anything you put in love does eventually nai!!!!!!!

So yaaaaaaaa every time from the grapher to the model kidding bout calling you director between shots that one wish of yours to call him director to reading that one like as directed by Chetan Singh was the happiest you’d felt ever!!!!!’n

And wveryyyyy single time you mention his movie and that feeeeeeel that one reaslieation not having seen it years it’s been somehow deeep down hurts you the most in ways more than one!!!!!!!

Something’s nai where to where only it went!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!

 Back to the shoot day!!!!

Days before reminding the photographer to bring the kit along knowing not used to working for brands that often be it multiple lens live preview setup and lights too!!!!

On dot early shoot be there early everybody reaches after few mins breaks the news bout forgetting the memory card of all things and losing out on laptop ka cable come out of the makeup room and the guy talks bout forgetting things and rushing towards the car and you notice the number plate for the first time and it had his Škoda number 2727 and that very feeeeeeeeeeel seeing that number and how it makes you happy every single time that from frowning getting mad at the photographer you were suddenly all smiles away and the way the grapher mentions let’s the guy grapher cause he best suits Him I say!!!!!

So yaaaaah the second you see the plate it was all him rushing through you seeing it for the first time in the gym parking lot and you tell him how it’s Sai babas fav number 9 and he asks how and you tell him bout your habit of adding up numbers on the car plate and it was coming down to the number 9 which was sai babas fav number….and he talks bout not knowing it all and it was only after you tell him bout it does he mention about no wonder his mom wanted this as it had Sai babas number and she believed in baba…….

It’s all those memories of watching him around his car with that number plate dropping you home and wanting you to stay for a bit till he turns the car around and watching him turn it around like all those flashes of his number plate did make it your most fav number plate ever!!!!!!!

That day it was chaotic start cause you had booked the location from 10-6 and had to wrap up the shoot before 6 cause of the lighting concerns as it was to be shot mostly outdoors and knowing it was in the outskirts with the memory card fuckup knew it would take longer as there were no stores around for it…….

Everything on one side and there it was His number plate brings back the rush of happiness in you and the grapher notices that and starts off saying looks like it’s your fav number and talks bout the history of his dad getting the first car in that number and stuff and you nod away asking to leave for the card and make it on time back……..

The time after that very moment of that visual you were all smiles and HOW!!!!!

Like you were busy with the arrangements and stuff but this mooooooood you already were in cause it was all HIM that you could see around and this uncle from the location sharing names of setups and thus opera one that you wanted to shoot at had some work going on and couldn’t in that so find this other one that had this window like thing and from that very frame you could see just gulmohars and you loooooved that spot with two of your fav things windows thanks to Versova is something every single time reminding you of his window from Versova apartment…….finding the window trying to open it to telling him stories of how there must be some reason they could’ve sealed it and stuff and the waaaaaaaaay he that adooooooooootably screaaaaams kareeeeee and then goes to karkeeera I’m living here don’t say such things cause it had spooked him and how ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaay he would suddenly turn and transform into this most qdoooooooorabke kid possible that you just wanna squisheat away!!!!!!

Even writing it now this huge smile on just reliving that sound of his voice ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaa even his voice too has been that THAT long since you last heard for real no wonder this one video of him singing these days on loop I say some moments through the day when you miss hearing his voice too!!!!!!

Something’s you write and relive now and this very feeeeeeeeeeeel right now!!!!!!!

Visual lostness!!!!!

 

Lost in a moment!!

 Ever have that feeeeeeel when you are doing something that has your mind at 500 percent engrossed deep in trying to figure out a zillion things at once and then out of nowhere a moemnt just like that strikes you like a sword of thunder and has you all lost deep dived into that very moment that rest of everything goes all blur….like people talking moving around calling out your name all of it suddenly goes all blur like you are moving on the outside but inside there’s this beauuuuuutiful slow cloud you are riding on that’s taking you to the place that you feel belong to the most……like you feeeeel it all away on the inside that mush that smoooth slow ride like you are floating even be it under the peak afternoon sun sweating your chaddis off but on the inside there’s this chilllllll smoooooth slow ride you are on and you are at peace and stilll expericing that beauuuuuutiful rush of him and HOW!!!!!!

And things you’d been staying away from is writing him cause there’s too much on mind sudden realisations and you didn’t want to get into the details and this day happens today raining this beautifully at a mall getting some basics taking the day off work off edit off everything and just on your own and see somebody walk past by with His blink book in hand and that very moennt this random eyewear store plays chashni song that’s just Him to you all of that song that beauuuuutofully just HIM!!!!!!

The guy in white shirt khaki chaddis collar up his style white shoes on and has you chasing till you see the face and that low again!!!!!!

From chasing raindrops missing him away to chasing random guys around hoping to get that one sec of glimpse of Him hoping wishing praaaaaaayijg it’s him and it wasn’t!!!!!!!

And this one find of a track in sync in the mood you’ve been in lately!!!!!!

Lost in a moemnt!!!!!!!!

Draft 2!!

 And just like that the second draft happens too with another track of his that has the MOSTTTTTTTEST opera memories!!!!!!

To another incident where dropping your mom in his car back and you play niladri track and then switch to this one where you always used to forget the initial beat of the track and the second you play this one he fataaaak se changes the track away and you again play the same one and he that adoooooooorably just nods asking you not to but the waaaaaaaaay he looks that beauuuuuuuuuutifully embarrassed makes you want to do that again just to see him that way again and you play it again and the way he saaays it right before your mom karelllly mein bolru Acha nai hota math kar and chuckles away that adooooooorably with that amuptosomethingonmymind expression of his and you slowly play it again and the way he slows down and gives you that one loook in the eye and straight away asks your mom is it ok if he holds your hand before her and your mom jokes something you don’t remember cause that also was the first time he chuckles away and just holds your hand for a second tightly with that grip of his missing in his hand and back on the steering wheel both the hands………

It was only after drops you home you go up with your mom he calls you down again for a second saying some excuse of leaving your wallet or something in the car you rush down cause of the waaaaaaay he asks you to come down that very second and the second you get in the car he plays that very same track just looking at you………

And that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of oooooooooooo this is why and as you listen to it and look up at him and that nod of his ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s been yeaaaaaars since you saw that one nod of his THAT one nod!!!!!!!!!!!!

It had your poooooora ka pooooooora heart right there on him every single time he used to nod!!!!!!!

Boletho sunte nai tum his other most loved line on you!!!!!!

Some moments nai as you write this very moment now!!!!!!!

Sound of Magic…!

 It’s always ALWAYS been bout his music this beauuuuuuuuuty of feeeeeeeeling him away with music…

Where you’ve been trying to work on the writing to go along with the campaign that’s closest to you as it’s an ode to one of your most looooooooooiived visual random moments bout Him…

Him transforming into the most MOST beauuuuuutiful human bird of your Life…

Pakhi meaning a beautiful bird…..

Where even whilst shooting when some playing some edm artist the model requests you to play something Bollywood and you just couldn’t help but play away everything him from Bollywood and that feeeweeeeel of living him away even on the most hectic shoot schedule you’ve ever worked on till date so far!!!!!!

Like yesterday there were again way rooo many co incidences and moment recalls during the shoot but this beauuuuty of a nite like this one where it’s been weeks since you’ve been trying to work on the writing to go with the collection theme and tonight this new niladri track you find and this beauuuuuuuty the waaaaaaay that one visual of him security check and you live that moennt this very second track playing and it just flows……..

There are zillion things to finish as you’ve been working frame wise selecting the clips to go for the reels changing speed and setting the tone taking most of your brain away and there’s this sudden calm now with THIS MUCH him rushing through you and you like the first draft that you write now like love it the very first thing you write……

It’s very lil but you alone know it almost sums it away in the most discreet and yet heartfelt way like you alone know what and HOW much ir meant to you those moemnts of watching him live that magical moment almost every single time…

Luckiest happiest you’d ever been!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 Be it visuals of him from the dream be it visuals of him from the lift back from Bangalore be it visuals of him heading to his interview and on the way as a good luck asks you to show your face in the balcony stairway corner and he sees you in a black faded kurta and calls you fataaak se saying how come he never saw you in it and all and you wish him luck and stuff and hang up and in seconds calls you again asks you to come out and the second you go to your staircase corner the waaaaaay he holds you and checks you out it was your moms old kurta very faded that you used to wear ghar pe but the waaaaaaaaay it makes him that happy away cchummis you and rushes back to the interview calling you again telling you how pretty you looked in it to visuals of him in the jam as yiy lay your head over the window playing his song away and just on the other side of the road see him feeeeel you saw him hair messy and long his saaaaame high shyyyy smile that you used to adoooooore right there in the jam……

And you keep turning around trying to take a look again and the after of it just like always searching for him again throug the jams and streets hoping to see him kahi tho!!!!!!

It’s been feeeeeling all different lately charlie like earlier it used to feel like it’s you alone that misses him but now it’s different like you can feeeeeel it that strongly inside of you……to the ways he tells you the same in the dreams too to this most random moment at the jeweller meet at concu 36 wala like you were done with the meet telling her bye and all just get off she tries to hug you and you move back with a handshake and this song plays falling slowly from My sassy girl and suddenly the female disappears everything else goes blur and you just stand there listening to the track reliving him away from his room from that very moment showing you the movie playing the movie for you places his headphones over your ears and asks you to sit and watch the movie….

That very moment she eventually leaves leaving a text wondering what was wrong with you if you were okay n stuff cause it was that abrupt to these roads every single time the highway brings him away brings those drives along and how you still looooooooove and live him through these drives…….

This one moment when you see the cement truck and it still is your most fav car for life vehicle for life cement truck you weee smiling away with his music playing through the drive to the shoot location space on the outskirts!!!!!

And this college bus beside and this one girl moves her hand trying to grab your attention and in ishaara asks you were smiling away and waves back at you!!!!!!

HOW do even moemnts exact same moments like these happen over n over again with him on drives over his shoulder and the similar bus passing by and college girls waving back showing you looked good tigether and the waaaay it used to make you feel away and him pulling you closer cause it made him that happy away!!!!!

To reaching the location finally and first thing you see is it’s surrounded by just gulmohars everywhere possible it was raining his music playing still in the car open and you living that beauty of the gulmohars all around it was like a day designed with all things him!!!!!!

Pakhi the collection name meaning a beautiful bird also because of him…….

Like you’d been wanting to work with something with birds for long now and this finally happens to the name and then finding a location that also has one set named as the Opera House I mean if you don’t think this is magic this is love madness at it’s beautiful best then am not sure what else possibly could be!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuuty of him that one fellllloooowwwwwwss your poooora ka poooooora jaaaan heart soul and everything in between I say!!!!!!!!

For life I say!!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!!!

 

HIM!!!!!

 Since the very beginning charlie donno what it was how it was it’s always been the wwaaaaaaays his face felt on the inside like seeing him seeing his details him walking him turning around his car and just staying for a bit for a few seconds and looking at you waiting for the auto he would just wait there till you get in the auto and then leave…….

It was much before you even knew him anything bout him him walking towards the changing room and you coming out of yours and you would just stand there with him there and you couldn’t move not even for a bit and he would just stand there not a smile not a word just looking at each other and after that moment with him you would still wonder what made you stand there and just live him away……

To that day walking with him towards the oppo side of the road at his Versova space looking at him and that feeeeeel that same feeeeeeeeel how you looooooooooiived his presence adooooooored him every bit of him to the second you get the auto him standing there with the cigarette and only after the auto starts he crossed the road back to his space and you living his legs away from that lil auto window…..

All your sickness be it at the hospital nights thankfully you could see his singing video again on his tagged posts cause it was public again and that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel how from complete strangers to finding him and that feeeeeeeel of finding love in him and much more than just love in him home in him and it’s never been the same again…….ever again!!!!!!

It’s that fewwwwwwel charlie every single time you’ve been watching that video of him singing his expressions to that line goof up and the way he corrects it and smiles gently to the guy and the last smile ayyaaaaaaaaaaa that one shy smiiiiile of his and the waaaaaaaaaaay that bit makes you the happiest feeeeling away luckiest possible human for having loved him most importantly for having loved by him…

The nights couldn’t sleep wanting to write away and couldn’t cause of the one eye worse bacterial thing and you stay up with lowest brighteness possible and watching him away missing him the worst possible and also feeelinf the luckiest away!!!!!!

It also makes you scream away question away the reality out of madness why couldn’t he stay why couldn’t you just be that way in that very moment seconds back from the dream wheee you’ve even stopped putting the alarm on just so it doesn’t disrupt your moment with him and hoping he stays for longer…….

It’s pure madness charlie I know but it’s also something no matter how much ever you try it’s not been helping the waaaaaaaays he comes to the waaaaaaays you’ve been feeeeeeling his presence away through random most moments is beyond just magic….cause it’s not an illusion of your mind cause you feeeeewweeel it in your core that strongly and it’s def just not you!!!!!!

Then why distance is all it comes down to!!!!!!!

All of these years not having lived him for real smelled him for real touched him for real lived that moennt of him standing just few steps away from you looking at you waiting for you to come and take those steps off and hold him away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa some moments you relive now and this feeeeeeeeeeel it overload you with dhadaaaaaaaam seeeee!!!!!!!

Whatta month!!!!!

 Whatta month it’s beeeeen!!!!!

Be it feeling the unhealthiest you’d ever felt worst sick possible like not even during covid ka reign did you fall sick this bad the way you did last few weeks!!!!!!

To following the routine of healing your eyes faster with heavy anti biotics to finally wanting to just write something away!!!!

Cause the waaaaaaaaaaaays he has been coming has been beyond you and any logic possible!!!!!!

How you still don’t get it why still don’t get it but this one beauuuuuuuty of something’s just can’t help it!!!!!!

When there’s this much missing in you like this mucn that it’s been worst you’d ever missed him in all these years!!!!!

Also mainly most importantly being the way waaaaays he has been coming lately like the way you smell him feeeel him on your skin anywhere possible to the way he holds you touches you smells you makes you feeeel his presence like you can that strongly feeeeeeeeel him and then again spend the day wondering why isn’t it all happening for really real and not just in your head…

Cause all of this happening in the dreams the way he has been coming is definitely undoubtedly not just you not just because of your missing cause the way he tells you makes you realise reassures you it’s about him missing you this time lately recently it’s been all about him missing you and telling you so screaming you so and HOW!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!

 When he comes THIS strong and you just had to squint yours eyes away and have to have to write away this veeyomemt now!!!!!

The sound of him breathing over your neck and as you move slightly thewaaaaaaaaay he holds you closer to himjust so he could smell you away like from moving closer to you with that feeeeeeeeeeeel of his breath over the nape to when you realise it's him and you try to move and turn towards him the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he tightly pulls you closer and smells you away.........

It's the waaaaaaaaaaaaay that one strong feeeeeeeel of him around your waist and nape of your neck shakes you up with him whispering something away that slowly.......and you keep going huh huh like trying to make him repeat what he was saying and actually wake up to your own sound of voice...

This misseeeeeeing lately driving you absolutely mad away blame it on the season blame it on every single rain drop every single moment of him that you come across thepugh the day in your waking state or in your dreams like seconds back........

Like it's been making you write to him mailing him and deleting it away lately!!!!!!!

Like themissinghas been on that ultimate level cause of the waaaaaaaaaays he has been coming!!

And you can't wait for the eye course to get over this week!!!!!!!!!!

Toooooooooooo waaaaaaay tppoooooooo many feeeeeels I swear!!!!!!!

To just feeeeeeeel thatmoemnr of his strong presence seconds back on your skin!!!!!!!

Like he was THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT close!!!!!!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!!

 This beauuuty this magic of himcomings!!!!!

No matter where you are what you are doing or even the waking up in sickness too!!!!!!

There’s sooooooo toooooo much to write and with strictly being advised to stay off screen evenings for the conjo you know it’s been difficult to not write when you can’t stop smiling away cause the waaaaaay it’s been playing on loop even right now as you walk across the building alone heading to the cafe to meet the jewellery people for meeting!!! 

It’s this beauuuuuuuuty of any version of him his facial expressions the sound of his voice the sense of his presence and the waaaaaaaaaays it makes you soooo sooooooo happy away!!!!!!!

Nothing I say nothing can possibly make you feel this way the waaaaaaaaaaays with that just that one glimpse of him does to you like doing to you right now!!!!!!!

Him in burgundy hayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!