HIM!!!!!!

 How does writing out make you feel it all the more deeeeply away!!!!!!!

Like reliving the moemnt in your head hits different but it’s all when you write out his every detail the waaay he looked in that moment the waaaaay he stared at you or that nod of his and now your mind is in a xomoleyelyyyy different zone like you just can’t feeeel see beyond that one moment with him…

Or is it the nights the beUuuuuty of some hours when it’s just you and all that you geeel away think away live away like it all just flows and howwweee…….

Opera THE place lived a zillion versions of him ayyaaaaa and looooooved each one of them asayyyy!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaay he would suddenly pause and just feeeel you away just by looking you in the eye not a smile just that one something expression on him and living you that way for a bit and then diiiive away to your side…

Today as the dermat checks the skin and says bout how sensitive it was to fragrance and even metal and just sit there as she shows examples on her ipad and one picture being that of a color of love and that instantttttttt it’s all him in that one second……..

Where he literally stops you on the stairs of back then big bazar at nachrma just soooo he could see his mark on you under the light……asking you in ishaara to move your dupata away just so he could see it on you you should seeeee him charlie in moments like these like the waaaaaaay he looks all of him in moments like these like that extra bit of more beautiful that extra bit of more passionate that extra bit of something more like everything around him just stood still paused all you could seeee feeeeel live looooooove was that beauuuuuty of him……

The way he keeps asking you he had a reason to smile away and feel happy about his darkest mark on you but why you were you smiling away looking at him…..

It’s that feeeeeeeel charlie when you live a moment and you realise that reality of your life again yet again I love HIM!!!!!

All over again kinda realisational hit it used to be!!!!!

Be it then or now reliving that moment of him his face his expression from that moment and that same realisation again I looooooooove HIM!!!!!!!!!

Viiiiiibe!!!!!!

 It’s been a dance viiiibe youday since the start of the day today and all it took was that one moemnt with him on the straits from the dream and the waaaaaay it set that playlist for the day today with allllllll things HIM and howwweeee!!!’n

To this moemnt when watching some nba movie with harlow u instead switch to his disclosure music and find these viiibees and the waaaaaaays they bring him along…

This beauuuuuuty of some days when jus knowing realising how he knewwwwww ur skin too even before anybody else your mom you or the dermat knewwwww……..

When roseee today hits you differently it’s this happppyyy high of the sound of his words at opera touching your skin on the neck awaaaay…….

Chuckling adooooorably as he feels your skin and says you have one very sensitive skin and you tell him it’s normal only and the waaaaaay he has that adooooorable naughty smirk where on a normal day should’ve irritated you but the waaaaay he used to make those faces in moments like these just before saying something stole your heart away again and hiwwweeee……

Trust me karely I knowww I’ve seen you have the most sensitive and delicate one……I didn’t even that hard and your neck is deep red already……and every single time he would say or do something like that you give yourself more and ask him to show what was the hardest like!!!!!!!

And the waaaaaaaaay he just looks you in the eye that one lil smile and thaaaaaaaaat nod THAAAAAAT one nod and leans over you……….

Something’s you write you relive now and this feeeeeeeeeeeelinf right now!!!!!!!

Some tracks some visuals and the waaaaaays they bring him along where you don’t even get the lyrics of the track as it’s some other language but here you are straight tanforedted to opera and in that moment with him…

Zooooooop bolkeeee!!!!!!!

Who would’ve thought struggling with this perfume rash on neck and wrist with different creams is not working but the happppiness it’s been giving you away is beyoooooond!!!!!!

It just makes you happpppppppy even right now living him in that moment from opera ayyyaaaaaAa he was your ultimate poooor heart I swear!!!!!!!

Still is , reliving it now!!!!!!!!!

THE chuckle!!!!!

 How much more can you possibly loooooooooove the sound of somebody chuckling away to THIS extent…

Be it that first time loving somebodys smile like to just see someone smile giving you that THAT much khushi away to even years after hearing that chuckle and falllllllllling drowning soaking in looooove again to the sound of that chuckle of His…

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa one yummmmmmmmm bunch of adooooooooorableness he is i swear!!!!!

When watching this series and that sudden replay of his sound and tooooooo many memories around that room pf his dining table of his!!!!!!

Somethings nai!!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaay it suddenly hits you this beauuuuuuuutifully now…!

The THE sound…

 Ayyaaaaaaaaaaa that sound of him that tone of his voice the sound of his adoooooooorable chuckle!!!!!!!!

The sound that you miss the most MOSTEST in life I say!!!!!!!!

Sound of Him…!

Even working now chaos at work Baarish outside that one replay of him and this one instant khushiiiiiii it overfills you up with is beyoooooond logics of the world!!!!!!!!!

The Song…!

 The sound of him ayyaaaaaaaa song to your ears i say……..

How can you possibly be in looooooooooove with someone even years after just the way it hit you the first time…

Sound of Him…!

Waves!!!!!!!

 This hiiiiiiigh of him no matter where you be at what you do this one hiiiiiiiigh you are on lately!!!!!!

It’s like the state of constant goosebumped kinda mooood lately!!!!!!!

Work has been stressfully hectic past few weeks and yet yet this prolly is the first time you are zip zaaappping through it like a breeze walk I say!!!!!!

It’s that one state of mind of you like you feel it see it on you as it’s this evident…and then that need to get a hold on yourself cause things are giving you imaginations away like random things random words random most things and there goes your brain on a run and howwweeee!!!!!!

Coming back it’s that immediate need to play his music and just be sorting last bits of work with that slow viiiiiibe of mood cause you been writing and the after of it lately has been no sleep almost it’s that rush it’s that intense rush of him charlie that almost is beyond your control like you can’t just can’t think straight or be normal…and phir bhi it’s this peaaaace mode you been on like nothing really affects and also everything him anything him affects you away in the biggest of ways……..

Like feeling away a mix of too many things and all at once…

And amidst all to have a straight face even when talking to your mom over her lap as she massaged your head and talking something random and the way this kid from the balcony calls you out shriiiiyaaaaa and you run out screaming chetaaanaaa her style and she says a hiii as she just came back home…and goes back in again and you come in with that smile on you that you do your best to control and your mom like IT WAS EXPECCCCCTED asks you it’s because of her name haina……

And you don’t say a word and ask her continue what she was talking bout but that smiiiiile stays on charlie saying his almost name out loud it’s that level of happiness it gives you can’t put out in words I swear……..imagine just saying out his name loud gives you this level of Khushi away!!!!!!

Just imagine it’s just the name and what and howeeee it must with all of him!!!!!!!!

To the night or morning prolly it’s the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he comes himmmmmm I sweaaaaaaar it’s this one biggggg wave of everything that’s rush passion beauty madness is made up of!!!!!!

Like every possible ecstatic state of happiness beyond that too is him in black and that state of him it’s like big huge waves that come gushing and take you along with it in one swoooop………

U are in some store or something and there’s nobody around as you look it’s dark the space is weird and this one hand on your waist that sense of him and the waaaaaaaay he moves you pulls you closer and you ask him where’s everybody and the waaaaaaaay he comes closer to your ear chummies it away and says in that looooowwwwwww sexyyyyyyy tone of his voice it’s just Us…

It’s that rush like the sound of his voice itself and the waaaaay even reliving his tone now and this sudden switch of the pace of your heartbeat go faster and thus complete transition in you this shift in you and him messy hair he was hiiiiiiiigh slight daaaadi his shirt usual his style and you just touch and feel him as you live his details and the waaaaaaaaye he moves charlie as you live and touch every detail of his to just seeeeee him move that wayyyyy that something it was giving you awaaaay………

To the way he just holds your hand that roughly and moments!!!!!!it’s that feeeeeel of him just the waaaaay he looks at you smiles at you it all felt like that meet at his Dd space it was all coming back like everything bout him from that day like him in Versova same viiiibes last night…

It all was VERY different and yet exactly same as him in Versova with you or at Dd……..

Alarm or some mixer sound and you wake up again still in that zone of scent of him that sense and touch of him like you wake up different everytime with a dream of his……the you feeeeels very different inside out… 

Firat thing even having to rush to work you just had to wanted to feeeel him more…

Get in the workout and this one artist you are break marke marke listening cause the you gets beyond control once in that himzone…with this artist!!!!

Like you don’t care bout the lyrics it’s the guitar THE GUITAR charlie!!!!!!!

It DRIVES ME MAAAAAAAD for him!!!!!!!

It’s that need that feeeel that waaaaaant that one strong hunger I say!!!!!!!

Like that level of missing hits different wit the guitar of this artist it just HITS DIFFERENT it’s beautiful madness!!!!!!

Today too as you play this and move along that one swirl inside like starts slow to the waaaaays it makes you move as you feeeeeel him along with the sound is MADNESS!!!!!!

Even writing now to feeeeeeeeel him charlie ayyyaaaaaaaaaa to live that beauuuuuuuuuty of all of HIM!!!!!!!! U lose that sense of yourself and become all Him away and howwwweeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lil doses!!

 Somethings no matter how many times live the moment it feels the same bringing that fataaaak smile on your face…

Like you are loving your work lately again something he had said back then……there’s a lot of work lately with interior changes and stuff and you’ have this tak one constant smile on your face and keep touching the wood away saying touch wood just causeeeeeee…….

Lil doses of happiness charlie lilst ones those choryed moments of middle of wirkk sneaking away to your corner to justttttt live him away for a bit….cause it’s beeen yeaaaaars of trying to find someone or the others phone to just get a glimpse of him like FOR YEARS now…now to be be able to live him from your own account feels different hits differently…

To this recent something again very random very lil but it’s your dose of lil magic again……like all the cars now suddenly over a week or so are just 2277 2727 2772 7722 1072 like any combination al you see is a car with these numbers…..and this one page that mentioned bout universal signs that we are all surrounded with we just need to notice them and these signs are in numbers that you are close to like your fav number that you most connect with or a name that’s closest to you or some color and that’s your sign that you are on right path kinda logic…..

But you don’t really delve too deep into these logics as long as it makes you happy thinking of him bringing that peace in your moemnt makes you feel his presence that’s all there is to it….

It’s that beauty of al these years of finding him in moments in his absence and filling it up away!!

Like today checking multiple fabrics to try things and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaay the boondein song plays as it’s raining out…and the sales staff asking for something showing the fabric swatches and you are zoooooop bolke zoned out like all the sound except for the track goes numb on your ears…

It’s just him and the sound of music rushing through you…

Happiness is not having evrythung or finding it all away it’s in the lilst of moments that makes you feel something that makes you come alive and you are in your utmost complete self feeeeeling that moment away like you know really living it away as you breathe…you just knowwww when you find that lil dose of happiness with that transition in you…

Auyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one adoooooooooorable gorgeousness of him I say…

Be it that ring magic trick video that him singing away and everytime you go ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howleeeeeeeeee khaaaaaa jaaanaaaaa terku pakad ke or that one that his sister had tagged him in some random restaurant in Bombay and somebody talking to him and he has that typical expression of his when somebody is bullshitting away and he has that smile with that smirk on him and he nods away ayyyaaaaaaa…..how you miss living those versions of him awaaaaay!!!!!!!!

The sound of him the nod of him the smiiiileeeeeee of him, am telling you charlie his ultimate fan ever!!!! 

And this one time his sister telling you the same bout she loved doing anything he did like style wise choice wise copying anything he did and as she was sharing it that one smiliiiing away on the inside auyaaaaaaaa same dittoooo!!!!!

There is that part of you that WANTS to be him on some days like you know collar like his style standing in the lift his style white shoes his style back stretch his style shoulder movement whilst watching movie his style……random things like this again not intentionally it just is you now with time…

Something’s nai!!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty of these lil sparks of happiness…!

One of those…!

 One of those dreams you just cant write bout where all of you wants to write out all of it jsut so you remember the details much after too and YET you just cant write out out bout!!!!!

A beautiful dilemma such as this…

When youve been tryingggggg struggggggling to put belts on your mind and tame and tone it down a fee notches lower but himcomings like these i saaaaay when that black shirt is beomcing his signature move to come and leave you missing more of him wanting more of him liteeeerally begging away more of him that kinda beauuuuuuuutiful madness i say!!!!!!

Theres something that pureeeees calmmmm and yet choaticallyyyyy passionate with him in black and burgundy colors like it literallllly drives you mad……..

Any color on him is a beauuuuuty but these colors somehow bring that otherside of him out and howwweeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Like you wakeup still in that state that you dont look at your moms face when talking face red eyes hiiiiiiiigh stilll highhhhhhhh on him like its this evident on you…

And a long days work today how do you even switch to that mode of you now….

When this you is this on!!!!!!!!

When you somehow want to be normal just so you get some control over your mind but all of you i say refuses to be soo…

Its the kinda mode you just wanna be away from it all and live it fullsomely away i say not wanting to hide not wanting to be normal and just living him living it away with…

That beauuuuuuuuuuuuuty of him in any version of him its that viiiiiiiiiiiiiibe of him charlie like even with eyes shut that sense of him like even back then working out on treadmill and that sense of him when he would suddenly come ro the next treadmill and that wait before starting the mill on till you see him and that sense of him turn and look at him and that wave that one smiiiiiiiile on him starts the mill on and plug out the music you were listening to on your phone now that he was here……

SOMETHINGS you write ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT feeeeeeel of him being thaaaaaaat close to you!!!!!!!!!

Palak Palak mein…!

 Galti se idhaaaar Palak jhapka and thereeeeee he was!!!!!!

Watching almost mute pe this nba docu as this vibeeeey playlist was playing and of all the tracks this one kanuloo something with tabu and howwwwweeeeeee you missed him with that one track of all tracks playing……the sound the intrumental vibe something bout that track and that one zoooooop bolkeeeee feeeeeel alllll feeeels of him rushes through you like it was calming you away in a way also slowly slowly raising that rush baaar highhhh higheeer and howeee……

Amidst all this galti se you fall asleep like didn’t intend to sleep this early being a youday night and whatttaaaaaaa night it’s been with this music finds….

And that one feeeeeeeeel every single time over your neck when you feeeeeel him sense him this waaaaay…..the waaaaay it just feeels like his lips over like just stays that way the waaaay you could feeeel that rush in that stillness too to that slowwww bite to the transitional his signature one……

Like it starts slow and then his usual one and the wasaaaay it shakes you up saying his name out loud……..

And some feeeeeels charlie I swear the sound of his name to say his name out loud this feeeeeeeel THIS feeeeeel!!!!!

Even today in the balcony another incident as you were taking a video of the Baarish and the sound of raindrops and this opposite balcony people finally moved in and a kid comes out screaming hiiiiii waving her hand at you and you scream back with excitement of hers hiiiiiii and the way she asks you how are you and you show her in ishaara perfect and you ask her how is she and she says good back……she asks you your name tell her shriya ask her back and she says Chetana…

OFCOURSE had to beeeeee!!!!!!!

And you tell her back it’s the most beautiful name she has…and the way she calls you cutey you are and goes back in saying her parents were calling her back in for lunch…..

THAT one feeeeeeeel charlie of some moments like you look up showing a finger telling up above there I’m understanding what you are doing with me I say…..

It’s these lil him magic moments sprinkled through your day and howweeeeeeee!!!!!!

To this moemnt now seconds back that sense and feeeeeel of him and that waaaaay just like he used to…!

This sudden burst of khushi this sudden something this string rushing through you now face is red I say imagine what must be happening on the inside right nowwwww!!!!!!

This one habit it’s becoming like Saturday night has to be in this blue set that has already given you tooooo many him moments in this and right now too this rush through you like you are sitting but everything in you literally jumping with this something this hiiiiigh of him I swear!!!!!!

Kitttuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaa only!!!!!!!!

Sound of magic!!!!!

 Vibe of some nights this sudden need to telgu a r Rahman songs and of al the songs in this mix playlist there’s his geethanjali one too!!!!!!!

This some moooood viiiibe this night has turned out to be…!

Beautiful irony being not understanding most of the lyrics and still vibin away with it some sounds I tell you just do that something away to your mind and how…

Vibin!!!!!

 Of all the zillion things that you want to do with him to him around him before him and most importantly with him is this since the start of the day today this stroooooong urge to dance away with him…..holding him being held by him being dropped by him to the sound of his adooooorable chuckle this very very strongest urge to jsut dance away with him!!!!!!

And now finding this playlist the urge just grew stronger I say and howwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

Stroooonger than stolichinayaaaas brother brand of vodka too!!!!!’

Sound of magic…

 His music its beeeeeeen a late start to the day cause all of you refuuuused to wake up after that THAT much him!!!!!!

Every single time he comes in that black shirt its like a way of living his that THAT level of missing for you……its that rushhhh in him that you can feeeeeel away even with him standing two steps distance away from you and he just watches you as you sorting some sheets in your hand or something and he just comes and stops right there and just by the waaaaaaaaaay he watches you and its always been this way in real too……

And the waaaaaaaay that missing in him and you just stand there smiling away and he nods that nod of his THAT ONE nod of his and that always used to be your cue or that strong pullllllllllll in you to runnnm to him the waaaaaaay that one nod of his pulls every bit of you closer to him…..

And rushing to him the wasaaaaaaaay he lets you live him instead just stands there as you live every inch of him awaaaaaay the scent sense feeeel touch of him ayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaay for something he chucklesss away that adloooooooorably!!!!!!

To that one moment of something and to live feeeeeel him move the waaaaaaay he does no wonder youve alwaaaays loved being fascinated by the way the sea waves of the ocean moves……

He is that one gorgeooooooooous sexxxxxxxxxxxxily gorgeous fluid of all things Magic…

Even writing it now reliving it awaaaay!!!!!!!

This tush of goosebumps all over!!!!!!!!!

To the waaaaaay he grabs you by the arms or selmthjng and you wake up with that shake the goooooooood kinda shake!!!!!!!!

To the state of mind still there and you just be smiling asay still half asleep with that change in the pace of your heartbeat still……its that living proof of a himcoming like that one and in THAAAAAAAAT one!!!!!!!

First usual thing now on insta living him away and you noticeeee your favbvvvvvvvvvvvv most circle circling awaaaay!!!!

Jump out of bed to get to your moms phone cause as mucn as every bit of you wanted to from your account itself dint want ti piss him off again cause trust me charlie all these years almost every singke day howwwwweeeeeee you missed this its a lil thing but you alone know what it means to you!!!!!

And there he his around his dining table it was a ringo video but with his music….and you miss his voice too its like toooo many waaaaaaay too many things bout him…

And like always this loooooooove for his music theres that peace that calm that rush at the end the sound of the key switching its that viiiiiiiibe that chillllll lost and happy viiiiibe exactly the mood you are in lately!!!!!!!

His music and how you loved and howwwweeeeeee you missed!!!!!!!!

A morning like this one with the rains now suchaaaaa vibe i say…!

To these words…

Misseeing!!!!!!

 When youve been missing him away too much and also been feeling him away too much and  then theres work that you just cant focus at!!!!

Like even at work been smiling away too much today even when correcting this new store staff mallika over a zillion mistakes and she says nobody has ever corrected her mistake by smiling away this way!!!!!!

Its that feeeeeel charlie only if you could say out the reason to this state of you even with the collection almost ready you couldnt figure out what the name or styling would be like of the shoot…

Like the mind is in that happppy zone lost state of mind that refuses to land i say!!!!! Like in this constant flight mode of Him!!!!! All things Him!!!!!

Today when you sit down in the office looking at final designs and the waaaaay the mind keeps going back to that black shirt picture of his and you do a lil research about forms of story telling art lingual dance and any kind of form of story telling…and this one name pops up!!

Chitrakathi… chitra being picture and kathi or katha meaning story…

Its some ancient folk style of narrating stories through illustrations or with those hand played dolls against a screen of cloth…

And that khushi i say everytime adding a bit of him to the collection or the final look and feel of campaign as its all about what state of mind you are in like in what mood of him you are in that you like relating with it….like you know a piece of love added kinda vibe!!

Just the last one being was suggested by your sister inara!!!!

And this one again from now on will be your thing its this beauuuuuty charlie every singke time to relate or still be able to write out a bit of him out there and which only you know is related to him in some way or the other…

The backdrop still confused wanting to add some vintage window or something or to find some place that has it…..

Several things to work on and this mind i swear refuses ti do any of that its happpppily in that zone smiling lost away!!!!!!

This time of the hour and this beauuuuuty of missing him away to his music after a hectic day where the mind and all of you eases out in that chill mode and just plain happy……..

What a heart feels, it just does…theres no why how when to it, it just does…!

Beauty…!

 U realise the beauty of lil things when you live a moment like this!!

At work amidst everything work and interior wise there’s that sudden need to live him knowing now you can go to a corner live him for a bit and back to work…

This feeeeeeel of being able to see him from your own account and checking and rechecking of years if he did unblock you for the longest time ever…….now to be aboe to live a moment like this, you alone what it means to you!!

Lil things meaning away biggest of all things to you…!

Sound waves…!

 There’s that one place your heart mind body and soul keeps going back to time n again over n over again and HOWEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Versova!!!!!!

Him still being here when you get this dream at Versova!!!!!

Like you’ve been making a point to sleep early just so you could get in the morning workout lately and skipped Pilates away completely!!!!!!

Cause Pilates just works on the body but you still come empt mind and lacks the soul there……

Like you feel the workout there in your body but there’s that big something you missed experiencing living as you move and it’s been Him always…

Cause the waaaaaaaays you feel him move along with you as you move every inch is beyond logics I say!!!!!!

So last nite too make it a point to sleep early listening to his music away and missing away as usual way too much with just 2-3 stories of his howwwweeeeeee only you miss him posting now!!!!!

And this one turn and you could hear the waves crashing by and that big smile from within and with eyes still shut you move your hands trying to look for him and you could feel some table and that makes you slowly open your eyes to check where you are at and as you turn back there he was right there living you away in a first time pale powder blue shirt and ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa am telling you any color on him and the waaaaaaaaaaay he looks in that toooo and in that very moment all of you on the inside goes whoowwwwwwwwweeeeewwwweeeee he looks gorgeous in this too like every dream you make sure not to react too loud or refrain from making any sudden movements……cause you knoww!!!!!

And still living how beauuuutiful his eyes looked his nose his beauuutoful wide forehead his lil lil daaadi and the waaaaaay he smiles a lil and comes closer and that one visual like the waaaay al of him zoooomimg in closer like from a distance to his every detail zoooming closer to your face and that one second where all you could see was his lips and the waaaaaaaay he chummi eats your nose up and still chuckles away doing so…….moves a lil and his lips on your forehead still slow and yet that passionately the waaaays he moves his face over yours and tells you it’s been years now abhiii kaisa kaisa ghooorti re tu merku and chuckles awaaaay still over your forehead……..and by then like you just wanted to and you move him a lil and feel his hair his neck his cheeks his nose just by feeeeling like that need that strong urge to touch live and feeeel every bit of him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he comes even closer and!!!!!!!!!

SOME MOMENTS!!!!!!!!!

Like even now as you write the sound of him breathing moving saying to the sound of the waves crashing by like to live all of him to that sound the waaaaaaay in your head it’s that oneness of him moving loving you away living away was all like fluid the waaaay he moves it’s like small gentle waves to the big wilder ones that you know any closer to you is going to swwwwwwwoooooop you away and howwwweeeeee and yet you just wanna stay there to be hit by that big wild wave and that’s ezcabtly howww living him away felt being moved by him felt like…

To the wave sound to the alarm sound and all you could still see wanna feel is that one visual of seeing him right there in that skirt living you away looking his gkrgeeeeeeeously sleepy best……

And the next obvious thing was to get in the workout and this looooooooove to wait for the post workout…….

Play some sound vibe initially and then doesn’t workout play this one track that you’ve lived him the MOSTEST with!!!!!

Concentric circles and now from that circle to this circle over him that you wait for whattteeeee only!!!!!

Trying new moves again with every move every stretch the waaaaaays your hand were feeling away living away that one feeeeeel of just feeling him….as you close your eyes this tingle on your fingers and palm of your hand and the visual with eyes shut was his Dd space feeling him away his face his details his hair his shoulder to the nape of his neck and howwww he loved it the way he would close his eyes and just move his head slow as you feel his nape away…..

It was beauuuuuuuuutiful today like two versions of him that you were living  away in your movement with your movement you could feel him move with you against your skin and in your visual there was him from that meet……

Something’s you write and this rush of goosebumps immedidddddiately!!!!!!

This mind today like your mind still that high you still breathing high like post workout and stretches usually calms you down but today like you can still feel it in you THIS rush!!!!!!!

Miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa whatttttt only do awaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!

I swear charlie if he only knew!!!!!!

Faces!!!!!

 People like to wake up to a Mountain View beach view sky view garden view one way of waking up that you can absooooooolutely get used to and still never get over it is waking up to him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that one face that one feeeeeeeeeeel in the world is magical!!!!!!

Every bit of love to all things just Love…!

It’s been very hectic at work lately making minor interior changes to work changes it’s been jammed by the end of the day you can’t move a single spoon I say once home!!!!!!

And then there’s that most looooved hour of your day playing him music feels lights out feet up random something playing on tv and letting your mind wander to all things him and HOWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

That one picture of his in black shirt and THE impact it has left on you is beyoooooond words and logics!!!!!!!

To falling sleep on the carpet itself and that instantttttttttttt immediate rush of moving you shaking you and before you even make sense of the movements you were feeling away his head rushes over your chest like you smell that scentttttf of him away that strongly to his head against your skin the waaaay you could feel bis daaaadi his hair him moving his face against you and making that one sound just as he used back then just about when falling asleep and sleep talks away something again……where you were almsot in that sleep haze and then that him rushing through you like that shddddely makes all of you come alive with that one thought in your mind as he moves like that just to hold you and inside of you there’s that chatter ab tum aaaye nai sone deti kinda missing rushing through you not today nope not happening and you keep trying to move him with your eyes still closed like holding his head gently and this one adoooooooooootable screaaam of his saying kareeeeely……open your eyes and you wake up!!!!!!!

How what when whyyyyyyyyyy was the first instant reaction!!!!!!!

From making yourself get ready for sleep just to live him feeeel him to waking yourself up like that and that struggle again to fall asleep and continue from that dream from that very moment and by morning you are up to the alarm…

It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel charlie he was right there THAT CLOOOOOOSE like lil more and you would’ve seen him held him even chummieeeed his face away I say!!!!!!

To that feeeeeeeel this morning every single time you wake up and there’s a bird sound you hear alwaaaaaays takes you back to that meet with him post bup when he tells you your face is the first thing he wants to see in the morning and you are there that early at his place and moments after he just holds you and makes you sleep on his arm and holds you closer and falls asleep……and you just be there living him away to the sound of the birds from his window at his actual house…….

It was chatting till early morning and then straight meeting him without any sleep but how do you even sleep when having that chance of living him away and that feeeeeeeeeel you still remember you move slowly turning face towards him and the waaaaaaay he that adoooooooooorably sleep talks away asking you to stay close to him and not move…to mins later and that thought of his arm must be strained and you very very slowly try to get up and the waaaaaay he fataaak se wakes up grabs you pulls you back literally making that adooooooorable kid sound that he used to back then and by all of your arm him holding you sleeps again…

It was HAPPINESS in the purest and the mostttttttttttt beautiful form I say!!!!  

One of the most MOST beauuuuuuutoful mornings ever lived with him YET!!!!!!!!!!

Something’s you write cause you just can’t help it…!

To this mooood of this morning still living that feeeel of him over your chest in sleep with that sound of his and you just be for a bit get on insta live him away a bit and finally up…

But that strong urge to feeeeeeeel him more still there and HOWWWWEEEEEEE get in the workout and that feeeeel every single time to feeeeeel him away that stronglyyyyyyyy as you move how it’s even possible always amazes you!!!!!!

It’s almost like magic like you are moving wit him for him like you can feeeeeel him strongly every part of you……..

This morning that morning this mind that you this you this morning !!!!!!!

Whatteeee only!!!!!!!

Kittuuuuuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaa I say!!!!!!!!!!

Lil things!!!!!

 Its alwaaaaays the lil things that makes you adoooore someone big!!!!

One morning of not seeing him and this weird mood you wake up with now…….then still half asleep half opened eyes to just live him from yoru account that level of bliss hits differently charlie i swear!!!!!!

Every single time somethings u just cant take ordinary or get used to…

Then to check his ringo page to see any sign of him and his hand ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa his hand the waaaaaay it reflects that adooooooorable mind of his in the way he plays with ringo…

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa somethings i say visuals make your heaaaart smiling away and HOWWWWWEEEEEE!!!!!!!

His kid version tooo and howwwwwwww you miss that too!!!!!

To watch him play around lucky was living what it must have felt to be around him as a kid and whatttaaaaaaaaa adoooooooooorable one i say!!!!!!!

Like even as kids if youd met him you sure wouldve falleeeeen for him and howwwwweeeeee!!!!!!!!

His kid mind when it comes out and what looks like his room tooooo many waaaaaaayyyyyy tooooo many memories!!!!!!!

Its this state of you suddenly smiling away turning sides not wanting to wake up yet and live that adooooorableness of him away!!!!!!

Him im telling meraaaa pooooooooora ka poooooora heart kidney and all things in between i say!!!!!!

Sunhimdaaaaaaaazed!!!!!!

 Mornings and waking up like this all his dream through this one track playing as he just lives you away in his signature wiiiiiiiiide open seeeeeeeexedupppppp black shirt of his….his one hand under his rest as he rests over it and you THAT CLOSE to him and he just lives your details away smiling that one smile of his from a distance…you try to go a lil closer and the waaaaaaay he pushes you by your chest and chuckles awaaaaay that afoooorably and just watches checks you out head to toe…andddddd ohhhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnn the waaaaaaaaaaaay he looks that insaaaaanely wild pure gorgeous chaos just by being his self resting and checking you out…this one track plays on loop at the back all through the dream…….

It was a VERY hectic day yesterday with over 10 outfits to be shot in like 3 hours back to back and also simultaneously to keep the model entertained as well so she is in the vibe for the shots…….

It was exhausting but a great one by the end of it……to other moments and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaays he kept walking through those moments with that rush of him through you…….and it was like the clouds moving right now the waaaaaaaay you were being swept away all things him to that level when clicking the shots you were literally loudly singing it put cause that urge of singing to him when missing him that much in that very moment!!!!!

There wete these beauuuuuuuutiful moments charlie through the shoot and the realisation of you could be doing anything at all and all you need is that one lil fraction sec of him rushing through you and the waaaaaaaays it takes over all of you like literaaaaly being wrapped away with all of him on the inside where on the outside it still all looks calm…

To this waking up this morning and this sloooowwww himmmm highd state of you like you are just not ready to day out yet or not talk at all for a bit and this happrns a LOT when you are this hiiiiiiiimhighd you just dont wanna talk to anybody or do something yet and just be and watch the sky or the clouds away like right now for a bit…its another kinda high i say…!

To words like these!!!!!!!!

Sooooo highhhhh!!!!

 When stolichinayyaaaas half glass didnt gef u doooooo high as that one visuaaaaaal of him begirr the mirror and now yiu soooooooooooo bhaaaaaaaadly miss seeing bis stories i sayyyy!!!!!!

Ayaaaaaaaa theresnoooo high suchaaaaaas a himmmhughhhhh i s ay!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!!

 When he comes in almost version of him possible!!!!!!

It was a very very hectic day yesterday with multiple things to work on also with few Kairi things to work on for this weekend it was pure chaos!!!!!!

By the time you get home you baaaaadky wanted to just play it again and live that beauuuuuty of him away like that was your peace space and the kinda chaos you looooooooooooved to live away…

Still doing the last bit of work you fall asleep and this one strong grip over your waist and the waaaaaaaaaaay that scent of him that very second and the waaaaay moves his hand over your back to your hair and that sudden shiver all over cause you felt him do this after VERY long!!!!!  

And as you turn you were in the car with him looking at you smiiiiiiiling awaaaaay singing I wanna hold your hand and raises his eyebrow asking what’s up cause in your head you still were living that moment of him feeelinf you away and the next best second he was here singing awaaaay his loudest and adoooooorable self……with same pouting his lips away and in ishaara asks you to come closer and that second wooooosh bolke holding him awayyyy and sniffing all of him away still in that moment and this one moemnt him on the bed and you bring some chips or something for him as he sits on the bed and just smiles awaaaaaay that one smile of his and checks you out and in the dream you see yourself down and you were wearing the saaaaame exact blue floral lounge set that you love most now and shows you how the neck part of it was low and seeing it was smiiiiiling away that smile as he was checking you out for the same…to that moment standing before the mirror and he holds you from the back just like he used to and looks at you living that moment of holding you……same set again like that one visual to live him that way in this set like from now him from now in the black shirt in the car it was a deep navy shirt……

It’s that one visual charlie the look on him his eyes lion eyes as he again checks you out from the mirror too head to toe kinda stare without a smile this time……and that rush in you as he moves his head closer to your neck that one strong shiver that strikes throug you literaaaaaaaaaly like a bolt of current strong current and you wake up……

It was past your alarm and you didn’t even feel a thing beyond Him……

And HOWWWWWEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

The first thing you do is look at yourself and you were actually wearing the same set last night for real mein…

Some dreams nai pure gorgeous madness I say!!!!!!!

That rush in you living that moment of him moving over your shoulder with that one expression on him that feeeeeeeel that one visual and to link it with what you were actually wearing waking up that beauuuuuuuuty of some dreams…….

It was madness inside your head and you just had to had to feel him more in a way wanted to continue from that moemnt or that moment of him feeling your back and stopped there!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty of some sounds post workout getting on with the himversions and to feeeeeeeeeeeeel him on your skin was MAAAAADNESS the waaaaaay to feel that brush of the arm against your skin to that warm breath over the nape of your neck as you move like you extend lean no matter how you move the waaaaaaaaaaaaaays you could strongly feeeeel him to when the moves that need to switch to something else you move playing this video of a dance to the same two feet track it’s in your mind dancing away moving away for him kinda mad mad mad madness I say!!!!!!

It was some strange need of the moemnt to that feeeeeee when it gets a lil too much something for you to handle with your mind and tone down the moves playing some other track…….

To finally sitting down for few mins self reflecting and wondering from what to what I say!!!!!!!

From feeling that first something lil inside of you for him to liking him to loooooving him away to the first hug first kiss first touch on your skin for that matter was him to the many firsts be it meeting him or online him literallllly giving you lessons away of things……to living him feeeeeling away inside your mind and in his absence…

It was a DIFFERENT level of madness today!!!!!!

Some missings I say!!!!!!!

This you again one of those times when you wanna hide away from it all for a bit to calm yourself down for a bit even looking at yoruself in the mirror that one visual of him holding you is all you can see…

Ideal dream!!!!!!

Every single time EVERY SINGLE TIME him in black shirt and never enough I say!!!!!

It’s only in that one to live that rushhhhhhhhhhhhhh of him and just the waaaaaaaaaays he moves it’s like watching magic a human form and move like that with no sound even…it’s that beauuuuutifully fluid like to experience him that way ayyaaaaaaaaaa this mind even writing it now and reliving again…….apart from the moments him over and around you like you have been having trouble sleeping lately don’t know why but it’s like once you are up by 4 something you keep turning and no sleep till much later in the morning despite a very hectic schedule through the day…

And then there’s that line of dream where a few mins in that zone and the qaaaaaaaays he comes rushing in that and to watch him apart from him living your details away touching feeling chumming away it’s him charlie to live him that way………it’s how and what you feel living him that way and the waaaaaaaay he someeeeeeehow transfers that into you which comes alive once you are up…like that beauuuuutifully from him to you and you can feel it in you you are different when you wake up…the mind the feeeeels it’s alllllllll feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeels I say too many feeeeels!!!!!

Imagination running high missing running high and you struggggling to keep your outside face to put up with what’s really happening on the inside…

This one today the waaaaaaay he whispers away touching your ears to that sound of him breathing high as he speaks to you and even now like you hear the echo of his sound and immeeeediate goosebumps howwwwww you loooooooooved the sound of his voice too!!!!!!

Even back then he would sometimes get dressed up and then would come see you on the terrace later that day and you always loved him being all dressed up for you but wheneereeeee he comes messy sleepy ayyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that always had your poooooora ka poooooooora wild heart I say!!!!!

And this he does tell you once coming back from meeting his ex and telling you so when you see he was all dressed up and you ask him why doesn’t he dress up like this when with you and he goes like soon you will only want me as messy as possible and love me that way and it’s you I don’t see the need to dress up or impress you cause I know you love me anyway!!!!!!

And this since morning reliving his messy goooooooorgeousslyseeeeeexyyyyyyyy self in that shirt it’s been ringing through you!!!!!

It’s like always since the very start even before you knew it yourself he always was that sure of it all…

Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis mind nowwwwwwwwee you are like sooooo high you can barely think function normal like getting ready as it’s a packed day today at work and yet there’s this slow mode on in you music playing moving as you brush this viiiiiiiiibe of him Fromm this morning transferred into you and HOWWWWWEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty of waking up now still in bed still high from the himcoming moments seconds before to live him now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa some mornings I say!!!!  

The second thing lucky ali story posting o sanam timing I say timing it was!!!!!!!!!

THIS beauty!!!!!

 Its this very recent long list of realisations lately…!

You don’t really need too many things to feel live the real essence of Happiness…the kind of happy that every cell inside of you feels away for some its things places food and several other things…….

To you its been that smoooooothly right from the start Him…even before knowing its love just to see him smile used to make you happy like nothing else ever did before!!

And then to be living these moments through your day of just living him away without rushing or in a haste to give someone their phone back like you can just be sitting there in the jam listening to his music and living him away……

And you dont remember before these things if this is how happy you truly have been…

Its such a sheer blessing charlie to know and understand what or who is your soul person that brings you joy such pure joy even in their absence too……like you dont have to look outwardly for it but be sure to find always find in them…

Although the first source of happiness must always be themselves and its that extension of your existence that you find that joy in regardless of there absence or presence…

This beauuuuuuuuty the way its been just Him…!

Toooo waaaaaayyyy tooooo much missing happening away i say!!!!!!

This music literallllllly driving you maaaad missing him away with!!

Lil things…

 U realise the beauty of lil things lil moments when you live them…..

On your way back from work to see him live him through the day not chorily sneakily but from your own account ayyaaaaa the happiness of lilst of moments I tell you like this…

Is also when you re realise how much someone truly means to you when something as lil as this makes you happy away!!

🧿

 Alsoooo thuuu thuuuu thuuuuu not putting my own dishti away to this feeeeeeeeeeels of the heart today after the longest of times I say!!!!!!

It’s like you are not walking around but flyiiiiing I say!!!!!!

Maaaagic of Sound…!

 Life is truly a beauuuuutiful series of co incidences like these…

When lucky ali tooooo knows the rhythm of your soul this morning and storys bout it, timingggg I say!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mere kareeb koun ayaaaaa nigaaaaaahoooooooo pe kittuuuuuuuu chayaaaaaa ayeeeeeee dilllllll gayeeeeeee jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

So he didn’t forget bout you after all the exaaaact weirdness that you felt last few months when just the unblock means the world awaaaaay…!

Haaaaaayeeeeee dillllll gayeeeee jaaaaayeeeeeee yeeeeee!!!!!

Ooooooooo my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keeeps on singinggggg!!!!!!!!

Myyyyyyy oooooooooo myyyyyyyy heart!!!!!!!!

Morningssss!!!!

 Admitting something’s can be quite challenging I say espeeecially when you have to hear yourself out here when saying it out like this…

This one stalky ritual soon as you are up ever since in Hyderabad post is to stalk his ringo page too just to see some post with him and ringo cause howwwwwwwww you looooooooooved watching him play with lucky back then…it’s like he turns his most adooooooorable kid with lucky back then!!

And this one highlight cause of his block never showed his sunny side picture on his profile…….like it’s been years now and today when you see his ringo page that highlight does something different!!

Heart to your mouth literally the pace of the beaaaaats inside you fulll dhikkkkk chikkkkkkk dhiiiiiikkkkk chikkkkkk highest pace possible I say!!!!!

Just toooo check and try your luck the second you type che thereeeeeeee he was !!!!!!!!!!

Unblocked after yearsssssssss!!!!!!!!

It felt like Diwali almost today most looooved festival of life I say like you literaaaaaaaaly we’re jumping on the bed like that level of khushi cause am telling you nai anything to do with him from the start itself was never just ordinary for you…

Quickly quickly check from work account too and there tooooo him there ayyyaaaaaaaaaaiiyoooooooooo this heart I sayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

Everytime something like this and you literally had to breathe in n out to calm yoruself down just soooo it doesn’t show on your face that evidently…the first thing see your face and red it was with that level of khushi and him rushing through you…no dream today but stillllll the waaaaaaay it felt like another himcoming in its own way!!!!!!!!

Ailaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I cannot breatheeeeeee!!!!!

Alsoooooo the first thing another thing that strikes away even he posts a story you still don’t have the guts in the whatever to even hit a click on it on your most beloved red circle I say from your account…like no matter the amount of love maaaaadness for him but that’s there……..naiiiii hotaaaaich!!!!!!

Ailaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa kitttuuuuuuuu one marshmalooooow only of my heart I say!!!!!!!!!! 

Taming down attempt!!!!!

 This two feet band literally set your mind on fire and the waaaaaay his black shirt himcoming for real only added that extra bit of fuel to it!!!!!

It’s like you want to stop listening to it just soooooo it helps in taming your mind down and also can’t stop won’t stop kinda vibe today when out for work…….

To this realisation the first sound guitar that you loooooved and realised how much you loved the sound of guitar was on those late night calls his room fink if I had a million playing late at night loud and beauuuuutiful…

Like him talking at that hour almost morning hours to the background sound of funk playing in his room…is your most loved memory of those calls of him……was you falling in love with the sound of guitar…

And this one too electric guitar sound it’s not just a sound the waaaaaay it strikes a chord inside you every single time and you loooooooove the waaaaay it makes you miss him all the more runs your imagination n mind for him it’s just the viiiiiibe whole vibe of listening to those tracks where words don’t even matter it’s the viiiiibe of the guitar and the waaaaaaays it makes you miss him like you never did before maybe……

Another one of those new feeeeeeels just the waaaaaaays it makes you miss him…it’s that side of you that you feel coming alive almost every track…same vibe Stephen voice too!!!!!

Like these two lately you’ve been loving him trippin on but things in your mind were going a lil off hand a lot more than you could manage and change the pace tonight with this one and this one’s like initial hit of his psy beedi and then the first visual of him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuty it used to be……

How only you loooooooooved living his details away am telling you charlie every bit of LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOVE every inch to every curve every visual to every lil detail bout him walking talking breathing forms of LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

Feet!!!!!

 Apart from the zillion other things that his dreams and himcomings make you feel away is this even normal just recalling his feet that feeeeeeel of loving his feet too feels normal?!

Just the feeeeeeeel of reliving his feet visual was making you smile away just recalling those moments at the stadium place clipping his nails away and living that beauuuuuuuty of his childlike expressions for the first time ever where his face that beauuuuuutifully like something was running on his mind……to when you go a lil lower reaching out to his toe nails the waaaaaay he comes closer and chummi eats your nose away!!!!!

His feet today with that other psyyyy light image next it was that perfect blend of calm and chaos exaaaaaclty the viiiibe of his dreams where through the day it fills your mind up with this beauuuuuutiful chaos and rush for him…….that’s beyond you!!!!!!!

Is it normal looooooving the sight of feet away tooo…….ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaaa vibe he is i swear head to toe!!!!!!

LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE HEAD TO TOE!!!!!!!

Hype girl!!!!!

 Theres this new slang term as hype girl someone who just doesnt hype but is in awe of someone or somebodys feature or something like that!!!!!

Even much before you knew of a term like that one its alwaaaaaaaays been this way being in complete awe of his entire being i say!!!!!!

And this one moooooood now seeing his feet too be it the current obsession with the two feet music or now living that beauty of “His” two feet too!!!!!!!

When youve been in love with someone literalllllllly head to toe in the actual sense of the term…clipping his nails away back then and loooooving that nail clip date too cause that also when he introduced you to something that beauuuuuuuutiful as nose chummi…

Some memories and the waaaaaaaaaays they come with some visuals i say!!!!!!

This moooooood it lands you in ayyaaaaaaaaaaa kitttuuuuuu miyaaaaaaaaaaaa how onlyyyyyy you are being missed i say!!!!!!!!!

Another most loved circle circling away was on some psyyyyyychedelic music party picture and this youd been waiiiiting for him to live some early morning late night moon watching at the beach moment like he did back then around his birthday time years back…

Some visuals and the waaaaaaays they can make you feel away is beyond logics this hearrrrt soooo happy high on him i say…

His two feet…!

💙

Slow!!!!!!

 When you forget bout Rakhi again and that feeeeeeel as you wake up and your mom tells you bout it that one feeeel!!!!!!

Every single time on Rakhi that one feeeeeeeel you’ve always had that thing that your bhayya was the best and the way he loved you the mostest……

Till you met him to see him as a brother too and you remember telling his sister that you wish you were a part of their two member gang too and if could’ve been his sister too so that you could live him the way she did and she could……like not having to go home and away from him and that prolly was the first time you openly said something like that bout him to his sister when he was in Bangalore was the thing after all that too much missing him away then…

To the way he loved you like you always felt your bhayya knew and loved you the most and after it’s been him the way his love took over everything else that you’d ever felt……the waaaaaaaaay he knew you he loved you took over every love you’d felt or thought knew mainly your brother and mom…cause that was it all!!!!!

Spent the day just being on your own with lil work to reading something…..watching this weird series and getting scared half way through and like always putting the lights on and up just so you could get it off your mind watch this Garfield movie instead…….like everytime why see something you couldn’t possibly digest I say!!!!!

Watching watching fall asleep and this must have happened before but the waaaaaay the recent times he has been coming repeatedly the same waaaaaaaaaay and all your effort of taming calming yourself down goes vain cause when and howwwwwwwwwwe he comes ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s like fire literally lately!!!!!!!!!

It’s his sound that you hear first earlier used to be his scent first now it’s the sound of his rushed voice like in a hurry with that much missing the waaaaaaaay it comes woooooosh bolke and that rough in a haste kinda moving you towards him before you could even make sense of the moemnt open your eyes slow and the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he just watches you first him in that ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one shirt on him someday I swear him in black his style eyes that beauuuuutifully sleepy his lips almost going to smile and yet not smiling yet kinda vibe his complete face that adooooooooorably sleepy like wanting to be close to you exactly the way he used to come on the terrace same ditto facial expression and you try to say something or ask something and he nods not to and just watches you holding your face in his hand…….seconds after and that rush the waaaaaaaaaay he chummi eats your face up and the waaaaaay he moves over you holding you he has been doing this a lot more lately the waaaaaaaaay all of him wanting to feel you away usually he is used to do this on your lap when trying to find that comfort spot to sleep on this felt different DIFFERENT that rush of him the slow sound of his voice as he moves ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaay it makes al of you come alive like suddenly !!!!!!!

To moments and the waaaaaay he keeps repeating something over n over again and that heart of yours in that moment!!!!!

Apart from every other thing how howwwwwwwwwwee you looooooved the sound of his voice too…….

To this morning just before waking up you get another one like that goes on for a bit just him living you and looooving all of him away to this other one you were standing in some lane and he walks upto you his way again and still as he walks around him people go blur and this something in you being pulled to him it was very beauuuuuutifully slow to that close up moment and the waaaaaay he chuckles away at you calling you deewani how long you have been waiting here…

And you wake up to the sound of the furniture moving in the hall outside and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him in the white shirt which is why the moemnt was a casual one but ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaaay him in anything makes your heart happy like it’s not just the smile on the outside but the insides of you smiling awaaaaaaaaay and how!!!!!!!!

That one charm of his almost magic like like there’s this vibe viiiiiiiiibe of him he could just stand just move just randomly smile and that one viiiiiiiiibe of him that you’ve always been in complete absolute awe of right from the very start…

Like you wake up smiling moving around with the day just that viiiiiibe of him that one visual you can’t just can’t stop playing on loop and look for your mom first thing for her phone and she was out now this waiiiiiiiiit for her to be back just soooooooo!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa some missings I say!!!!!!!!

This mind this you that one lighting bolt spark of magic in a human I say…!

The sound!!!!!

 From waiiiting for your mom to get home just so you could live him hoping something today and doesn’t happen like you check that often……

And that sudden missing again to him coming like that one for that one strong second like it was to wake you up kinda shake…

It’s this trip almost the mind all of you living away it’s beautiful madness the more you try to hide away from try and tame it down the way it’s only been getting that beautifully worse…….

Like you try and read a book do some home cleaning get on work on some designs and other work but the waaaaaay all the mind knows and wants is to keeeeep playing his black shirt pic on loop everytime you blink your eyes…….

To this moemnt and now this sound of all artists in the world to find something like this adding that bit more to the already state of mind!!

Normal!!!!!

 When you’ve been trying hard to get a hold on your mind ever since the dreams lately and his himcoming in that shirt of his it’s like suddenly your mind is out there off the belts and free like literally set free kinda state of mind and beyond your control……

U try n stay off music for a bit see some movie and in between fall asleep and again all it takes that one strong sense of him that one touch feeeeelnof his presence and this one state of you again……

Like if that wasn’t enough this new find of music now has made it all that much all the more beautifully worse I say!!!!

I mean who even creates piece of art like this one outta music…!

Just the beats the floowwwwwwwww of the beats eyes shut and all you can see live feeeeel away is him from the Versova meet the waaaaaaaaay all of him was that beauuuuuutifullu slow and yet that rush of him having missed you like you could that strongly feeeeeeel it rushing through his core literally……it’s when you forget bout your own missinf cause that’s how strong his missing feeeels like…

Some beaaaaats and this viiiiiiibe of him that beauuuuutifully slow and yet that THAT rush of him!!!!!!!!

Gottaaaaa doooo something to your mind I say this mind right now right right now nowwwwwww!!!!!!

MOMEMTS!!!!!!

 Falling asleep watching this Kevin harr movie and you keep turning side with his music playing still and this one strong moment…….

When you literally wake up with a bite on your skin like it was that strong you actual actual mein feeeeeel it that’ strongly in your neck and as it shakes you up cause it was that hard that scent of him sense of him that close to you and that rush in you to see him you move or something….with a sound and wake up!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaaaay the mind feeeels the second you wake up rush to see yourself the mark still there on the neck from morning dream to this one moment……this one sure doesn’t even like it was a dream cause that’s how strongly and surely sense him that close to you that feeeeel of the bite that hard that literallllly shakes you up and you wake up…

This restless state of mind with THIS much him rushing through you get on YouTube to play a playlist and this new artist track titled you never heard before but the secondddddddd you play the track screams out your state of mind……the beat of the track didn’t care much for the lyrics but the beaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat and that first thing on mind to live him with the beat of the track…….

To live every lil detail of him to the track!!!!!!!

This mind I say!!!!!!!

Waaasssssaaaaviiiibe!!!!!

 When the waking uo was a viiiibe this morning a himcoming in the black shirt it sure was!!!!!!!

The content of the dream that beauuuuutiful that it leaves a color of his love from the dream to your neck in reality……

Like low key you knew for sureeeeeee that he would in that same one but that beauuuuuuty of some moments his missing prolly your most favvvvvv kinda dreams he comes in his rush for you without saying a word but all of him telling you so and the color on you still a mystery as its on exact same spot it used to be back then theres no itch nothing at all just that beauty of the color post waking up still smelling all him…….that one feeeeeel of being that close almost all wrapped with all of him…

Like you just couldnt get yourself to wake up from that feeeeeeeel of being that closest to him his arms that scent and feeeeeel of him being that closest to you…like even now its very slow the viiiiiibe the mooood your state of mind music playing loud all by yourself doing some skin care still him highdddddddddddd and howwwwwww!!!!!!

Phone on silent mind vibin high like literally giving that beautiful spark or hint of reality to all of your him dreams now…

That kindaaaaa feeeeels like the smile still glued on!!!!!!

Words!!!!

 Half asleep with this viiiiibe of him to this sound of music……and words like these!!!!!

Amen to that!!

When saturday felt like THAT cant wait for the youday I say…!

HIM!!!!!

 He literaaaaaaly drove you ansoluuuuute mad even from distance!!!!!

The same feeeel today at dinner too where the table beside was filled with all guys and her commenting over it their attention and stuff but you sitting there open eyed himtripping away…….like whooooo sab andaaaar seeeee he doesn’t come out for anybody else around and the waaaaaaaays it comes for him is sometimes embarrassingly amazed you are…

This is also you bolke like you just are beyond your own control the waaaaay the mind the imagination has been tuning ever since then…..

To this other feeeel of his family holiday thing back then too to Nepal or some place he was at and you had this bad dream or something it was and you just call waking up jn the middle of night almost morning hour and call him to just hear him and he says a hello and you hang up knowing he is fine…

He immediately calls back again and you just a hmm without a hello and he says oh it’s you I didn’t have your number so didn’t know it’s you…..and you tell him again it was you Shriya and the waaaay he smiles away saying ofcourse i know the sound of your voice even if it’s a hmm…..

Over the call there was that much wind and you ask him bout the disturbance and he says it’s on a height and asks you what’s up and you just tell him it was a bad dream so had to check and apologise for the same and he asks you to wait for sometime on the call…..

Without a word nothing at all and just sharing the silence with him after sometime he goes hmm ok want to sleep and good night and hangs up……

The second he hangs up send you a text with just a smile……

Biggest of words sometimes fail at conveying the exact feel and there was that silence like he wanted you to be there with him in that moment even in that silence that feeeelnof his voice……..

Something’s you write and relive that sound of his voice…!

Moments!!!!!

 The mind the visuals the sound of him and this you it has immeeeditaely transformed into!!!!!

And this one topic of distance and feels and it was like if you miss someone too much you try and fill up with someone else to make it better like anything that comes your way and eventually realise it had to be that one only…and it was only your attempt of filing it up with something temporary and eventually gets filled with thats meant to be…

And this thing you’d been across like it crossed your mind self question over some reading too last week……

This previous photographer youd worked with and the very first shoot itself you were adamant bout the phi thug getting the live preview monitor setup to check the shots…..so if any changes lighting concern can be fixed whilst it’s being shot only instead of referring later and not finding best shots…

But the last time too doesn’t get the monitor mentioning some cable excuse same as last time……and this time when you had to check the shots kept taking your phone off your hand so you could hold the camera and would keep in the shorts…..to the next outfits used to give you the camera and stand right behind you showing the shots discussing the angle and closest to your body where you could feel the guy standing against your back and then moving against you……and you move ahead and comes closer again and then one hand over your shoulder trying to show you some shot…and you fataaak se give the camera back ask him to maintain a lil distance and don’t recheck the shots after that!!!!

Which eventually did affect the final outcome of the shoot as it turned out very below average almost…..

And post shoot leave a text saying the guy needs to be more professional when at work and didn’t work again with the guy…….

To hiring the most strict one for the next small content you had to work with and it turned out great work wise……

To coming back to this thing bout being literally deprived of him in the waking state it never for a second even crossed your mind or that feel of liking something some touch some conversation that you like or it makes you like someone like something even for a bit…….like in your head mind body you were that sure of where the place is…who the place is!!!!

Back then too with him it just was that beauuuuuutkfully natural like you always were that used to him right from the very first time when he leans over to show you how to do the arm workout to placing his headphones over your head and his hands still over yours holding it him being that THAT close there was that something that one connection that one string that tied you to him immediately…….

Like finding someone you belong to…

And regardless of the distance the absence in the waking state it has remained the same or maybe grown stronger with time like even now you picture him on the opposite chair when at cafés in your own……to feeeeeeelinf these feeeels away when you feeel like a woman comes with him…

Liking a man feeeeeling these things away for a man liking the features the facial features the sound of him the scent of a man the body details something as basic as him walking and you finding all of these attractive being drawn to them feeeeelinf this what you’ve been feeling today since the very start has always been him…you can’t possibly explain it how why what but it’s this feeeeeeeeel charlie that just comes with seeing him or even in his dreams moments theijrb the day and then finding this logic again from reading…

The things you see most often through the day like some number some name is not random it’s a sign it’s your calling it’s a sign of the universe kinda logic….

And unintentionally the only number on the cars you see lately are 2727 2772 7272 like every combination possible of his Škoda number from back then!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 To finally at dinner them eating them chatting her saying something your mind your complete self was in that state where you don’t feel a thing from that present moment like you see everything around but it’s not really reaching your senses to make sense or follow up on what was happening around…

Chorily plug in music one ear plug and that one immeeeediaye feeeel of finding your zone back like open eyes tripping on him looking at normal people around……

To again sneaking out from there for a bit with your moms phone to check again and nope doesn’t post anything after that and she comes from behind and the first thing shriya you didn’t have to come if you weren’t up for it your face is red you don’t seem like you today…..

How do even tell anybody for that matter this isn’t even you today this you was after so long like the actual you after so long cause usually it’s only at home at this hour but today walking talking moving around in the day you were that madly him tripping away and HOW!!!!!!

There was this one wild party in your head imagination running wild mind going back to replaying those visuals from the dreams every single one with him in that beauuuuuuty!!!!!!

Tho having lived him up closest possible in that shirt in the dream that one feeeeeeeeeeel I swear today was something else only!!!!!!!

Like you just COULDNT help it!!!!!!

It almost felt like seeing him meeting him for real in that shirt kinda vibe cause yig alone know how bad HOW BAAAAAAD you wanted to see him in that shirt in the dream itself today…..

To this book she was carrying and this one line she mentions and talks bout and that another realisation about distance and love and feeels that comes with distance…

This madness this something like being in complete awe of him being his biggest fan ever has always been right from the very start…!

Visuals!!!!!

 Somehow done with the fabric thing next was the temple and there never has been a visit to the temple like this one I say!!!!!

Like you close your eyes and there he was against the wall walking upto you and you open your eyes as there was loud baba Aarti going on but all you could live visually was him hear his sound from that moment…..three times face touching apologising baba away as you just couldn’t stop yourself!!!!!

Kitttaaaaaaa try kari charlie it just wasn’t happening today and ofc you had your very strong reasons too like after all those dreams there he was for real in that like for really real and how do you even stay calm and not feeeeeel all this away…

Aarti done again sorry away baba and back to the dinner thing you had to attend without an option of skipping it……like you try but doesn’t work and on the way out of nowhere your mom asks to stop at this “hot chips “ store to get some different variety of pack to send her brother…….

Go there stand at the store read the board and the smile glued back on HOT CHIP I say!!!!!!

Go for something come back with another and the very expected comment from mom your mind is just somewhere else face pe clear hai kuch tho chalra dimag meij…..pindeop silence after and that one feeeeeel if only you could say it wasn’t walking it was Him rushing through you and HOW!!!!!

It’s been one embarrassingly beauuuuuuuuuutiful day today hiding away from your own rush of mind with THAT much him still rushing through you!!!!!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 There have been a zillion dreams of his in that black shirt and the waaaaaaaaays every single time it did leave you that beauuutifully restless ki you couldn’t even focus at work and mostly has been a struggle of few mins and dumma at work and head out just to be on your own to feel him more like you need that head space just for him just and just for him to let yourself feeel him away the most and completely…

Without having to think or work at something else!!

And this one dream today as much as it has that rush of him for you missing you in the waaaay he moves around and over ther was that constant wish that one longing feeling his burgundy shirt away like that inside wish why didn’t he wear the black one …….even as he was living moments with you you constantly touch and feel his burgundy shirt with that one thought one wish of why didn’t he the black one instead…

From that to actually seeing him in that black shirt today itself exactly how he used to wear it in the dreams with neck wide open to actually see him in that today that too it was that wish of your hand coming true and HOW!!!!!!

Like there was that bad of a need in your hands wishing away it was him in black shirt to actually see him for real in that you have no idea what all feeeeeels the hand has felt today charlie….

Like not sure if it’s even normal to feel away that way but like for few mins zoooomed in tripping on him and allllllllll feeeeeeels the hand was feeelinf away I swear!!!!!

Like you try and keep your mind sober decent types but the only man ever in your life it has come out and with has been him ab whoooo bhi nai Karu tho Kaise hotA!!!!!!

U were out with your mom for some work thing then temple then early dinner plan day it was supposed to be…

And your mom gives you her phone to check some number of her brother message and you instead skip that and fataaaak se head over to him and there he was in that black shirt with family and your mind wooooooosh bolke rest everything else goes blur…like it’s just him the mind thinking feeling seeing breathing him away literally!!!!!!

Cause it wasn’t just any shirt charlie it’s the one howwwwwwwww and waaaaaays you lived him with which you still haven’t yet for real too……

And to finally see him in that exact same one same style of his was EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

U give her phone back and she keeps asking you something and you just couldn’t hear or give it a thought bout it……tell her will skip work instead and just finish the fabric thing and then to temple…….but even in fabrics the waaaaay your eyes were glued onto the black fabric roll and as you look at yourself in the reflection behind there was this constant smile on you and face red!!!!!

Immmeeediately put the mask on and plug in the music play high by stepen like it’s your complete him track playing loudest it just gives the feeeeeels!!!!!

Where all the mind kept reliving like all those visuals of him in your room on the pillow against the wall on your couch on the floor on the carpet like every dream possible in that one beauuuuuty of his shirt kept rushing through you like it’s you alone knows howwwwwwwwwwew you struggled to keep a straight face on and act normal like you were normal and not living a gorgeousssssssssly sexy storm on the inside…