Easy!!!!!

 This ease just living someone can put your mind into…..

Aankhonnnnnn ko teri aaadat hai tuuuu dokheee na tooo inhere shikayaaat hai!!!!!

Some moments as easy and beauuutiful as this to love and live him charlie in moments like these when youve been missinf him away waaaaaay tooo much that you find random people looking like him all at once around you…

This looooove to dress up and walk like him stand like him absooooolutely fangirling away to that beauuuuty of him…

That picture there defffff didnt do justice to this upclose one just like him in his himcomings zooooomed up version after SOOOOOOO long!!!!!!

This chillll this ease it fills your mind up with initially and then the slow sommersaults inside you begin and howwweeeee!!!!!

Sound of Him!!!!!

 There’s this beauuuuuty of this time of the year every single year for years now and the nights somehow are your most loooved!!!!!

Cause the waaaaaaaays they bring him along mainly this time of the year and it’s always been THIS magical…

Evenings bring him standing near the car just after dropping you waiting sometimes outside sometimes inside waiting for your palat moment just before entering your apartment gate and the waaaaaaaaaaaay it always used to bring that one special smile on him and then would turn the car around or if late night meets or dropping you till the door that corner of the most loved stairs spot you standing there and him downstairs near his car wait for those few seconds sending you a flying chummi and then get in the car…..to the nights bringing his sound of voice along like this clear his voice still that clear on the phone……from his chuckles to his random talks to him singing some song for you to his sleep sounds……ayyyyaaaaaaaa that was your most favourite the waaaaaay he would still continue talking even in his sleep lips going blub blub words unclear but that feeeeeeeeeel of him in his voice and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaays it always used to make want to run to him and hold him away kiss him away that very moment it’s that adoooooooooorable kid in him that used to come out almost falling asleep to those sounds of him still sleeping and you hang up with a happy heart every single time looking up thanking up above for Him in your life…

To his call again complaining bout you hanging up while he still wanted to feel closer to you sleeping…..to his sound of voice whilst hugging you the waaaaay he would always pull the neck of your kurta a lil away and then place his face there rub his face a lil there still holding you and make that one sound…..

It’s that very moment that you still live him with in dreams actually from now on it’ll be himcomings not dream cause those moments are too real to be just a dream…

The waaaaaaaaaaaaay he would hold you and do that and making that one sound your COMPLETE heart right there……to his random things he loved doing wrestling with you on his bed or in his car the hand hit play of his who hits the hardest itsbthese lil things that your evenings are filled with this time of the year…like you change shower and stuff and play something on tv play his music on the floor with a iced water glass working on edits or some work and this rush of him like lilst things bout him howwwweeeeeee you love just reliving them away and akele akele smiling away laughing over something away sometimes and then look around cause it was a loud one…

To mornings now even with no himcoming there is now a himcoming every morning eyes still not ready to open and that need to live him away and the very first thing your heart goes hayeeeeeeeeee this one fellow I swear….his same pic on insta doesn’t do justice to howwwwwwwww beautiful he looks on WhatsApp zoomed version…

His eyes his nose his daaaaadi his messy wild hair his lips smaaaaaaaaacking I say that one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel like looking right into your soul kinda stare……

It’s like everytime you see him be it this picture or other it’s the waaaaay there’s always His sound to the picture something saying and the more you are writing out this state of mind lately the more crazy it sounds…but charlie like that saying goes there are way too many ordinary things around the world LOVE shouldn’t be one of them…

Like you gottaaaa feeeeeeeeeel that deeeep dive feeeeeeeeeling into someone that you come out soaked completely and that’s when the absence doesn’t matter much…..but sure does the presence and HOWWWWEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Even at the shoot day before when the model getting her hair done and you were tying your hair into a bun and she leans over her hair and touches your hair saying shriyaaa my hair came to I love you to your hair and you that THAT himzoned do back with your hair saying love u too…..cause that was something exactly dittttoooooo he does to your hair…

One day at his place his sister shows you a picture of him and her at some dhaba where he was bending towards her side ways his hair over her hair side ways kinda shot and you take that picture and go to his room excitedly saying how beauuuuuuutoful he looked in that picture it’s been years now and you still remember that picture the waaaaay he just looked in that one you forget in that moment you were in his sisters room and literally take the picture from her and run to his room to just tell him that……he just kissed your forehead away and you back in her room…..

That very evening soon as you are ready to head home him dropping you back he takes the car looks at you outside the gate stops it and leans over you and chummis you right outside his house and brings his head closer to yours saying with his hair I love you and do the same back with your hair I love you too….it made you THAT happpppppppy it’s the lilst things he did and made you LOVE HIM BIG!!!!!!!

Cause it’s lil if you see it but that much love wanting to live that moment with you and you didn’t even take it that way cause to you that picture was just about how beautiful he looked in that and you didn’t have any picture of his then…..to that one him ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa he always used to say this thing bachi hai tu even being elder one am more mature somehow and he did love you like a Man…

Where to where only it went!!!!!!!!

This rush of him and with no himcoming just living him away soon as you are up in that picture that need to feel him away and had to had to get in the workout!!!!!!

This one beautiful beautiful beauuuuutiful madness to feel him with you it somehow never gets old or used to the waaaaaay it amazes you everytime you feel him on your skin him breathing against your neck as you stretch that yoga move…..it’s magical almost his music him along as you dance move and stretch it’s beyond you beyond logics to feeeeeel him away this strongly and this one sound You by Ry artist is pure madness and completely HIM!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaays you are missed aisaaaaa waisaaaaaa kaisaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaa only if you had the slightest idea!!!!!!!

This rush of him this presence the way it’s made that change in you evident even the model says shriya there’s this happy glow on you it’s different mom says the same and this is something thats always been right from the start…

Himglow I say!!!!!!!

Comfort remains!!!!!

 This THIS one comfort to head to toe when you turn side live him give a kissie away still in that state of not wanting to get off bed and stay that way for a bit…..after a few pauses living him away imagination running wild and that’s when you decide to get up before it gets too out of control…..

It’s his lilst details and to live them away with visuals it’s this sense of comfort and beautiful chaos at once…another wish has been made this morning too!!!!!!

Some feeeeeeeeeeels nai like they reach out the insidest of yous in the most beauuuuuuuutiful of ways…

Living him has always been bout that and more…!

Hayeeeeeeeeeeee mornings like these wanting to turn real!!!!!!

Like now now NOW!!!!!!!!

Descriptive mind!!!!!

 This loooooove to live moments of him be it in the dreams or through your day or through your writing and you just realise you’ve developed such a descriptive mind…like everything you live to anything bout him comes now with this description this visual mood or vibe…

Like giving visuals away to moments kinda vibe…

One shoot and it always takes atleast 2 days to recover from it kinda stress and the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he breezes through it all like a fresh breath of all things woody and oak!!!!! 

He adds you back on whatsapp and you just notice it and the waaaaaay its all been feeling like his slow sexy walk steps towards you just like his slow moooody walk from his dd space meets…

Opening the door for you checking you out with that one smiiiiiile on him and he would always takes those few steps back to take a look at you live what and how you are feeling for him in that very moment soon after you see him……and then that slow moooody walk after assessing your missing rush for him!!!!!!

The way lately its been giving away the same vibes away and howwwweeeeeee!!!!!!

Like couldnt get a workout now but this need to just get in some moves with the moooods i say!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaa all things magical and moodycal…!

Sensing the madness rushing through you now toootally when random words are being generated out of the dictionary!!!!!!

To these words of the day and mirroring away the state of mind and HOWWWWWEEEEE!!!!!

Dumb!!!!

 Some moments and that sound of his voice calling you dumb blonde!!!!!

When some friend of yours mentions bout missing out on posting prateeks video with original sound is when you realise they didn’t have sound only!!!!! 

And you wanted to save these few very special ones each one with a moemnt of Him linked to it one real and the rest Himcomings as you sung along……and now sit and post em all as reels cause you had to save it somewhere and videos here is a painfully long process to upload…

But now as you upload them all on insta this one feeeeeeeeeeel of the day today also……..

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this one change in missing lately!!!!!!

Even with a lost state of mind the way somethjngs bring that instant peace and calm to you and also fuels the tornado away I say!!!!!!!

How just that one face in the world becomes all this away to you nai…that one face like no other in the world!!!!!!!

Some feels!!!!!

 Some feels nai you can never grow used to!!!!!!

Everytime you see him this one fataaaaaak feeeeeel it sways you with!!!!!!!

Been one sun toasted and roasted day of shoot and still when the mind is at this beauuuuuuutiful ease like high on his psy beedi gin and his music altogether at once so much so that you can’t stop smiling I say……..

It’s this beauuuuuuty of his dreams now seeing him living him like you just held that face in your hands some feeeeels nai beyond logics I swear..

Like you can’t possibly reason out how or why something’s can make you feel this way……or why you can’t just take it to be his picture ok kinda vibe…

It’s this feeeeelnof living him after the longest gap ever!!!!!!

Like EVER!!!!!!!

To this feeeeel now at concu of having the most gorgeous jar of classic cold coffee and the very first thing he would love it too as it’s not too sweet nor too coffeey types…

Finding new places finding new drink/food/music the very first person tingggggf bolke crosses you Him!!!!!!

The vibe of wintery evenings like these this chill and smell in the air like it brings back any to everything Him and howwwweeee!!!!!!

Face…!

Waking upto a face like that one his lip smaaaaacking expression and your face with this contsant smile on as the photographer explains bout the light….not getting ur reference final result and here you are smiling away to all of it cause it’s just him rushing through you at this pace…….all you can see C feel live understand make sense of is just Him again standing at yhe balcony as you go closer and the waaaaaay he moves his arm away looking you in the eye THAT one smiiiiiiiiiiiile of his and you are MELTING literally!!!!!!!

Even reliving it now as you write him in THAT color ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa who even needs something else to get high on when you have a view like that one to just breathe and get high on and hoowwwwwwweeeeeeee!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaa howwwweeeeeeeee only you are being missed away abhiiiii k abhiiiii if you only had the slighest of ideas i say!!!!!!!!!

Lilllst bhi!!!!!!!!

All i C…!

 Trying to get a quick sleep as its a verh early morning shoot tomo with sudden plan change and photographers dates booked for the month…..u had to reschdule it for tomo early morning and now trying to get wuick sleep you just canttttttt!!!!!

This track playing him standing at the balcony stretching his arms and neck out and you here cant sleep with that one visual playing on loop…

This looooooove for him in that khaki color did start from back then coming back from Bangalore in that khaki jacket ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa that one gorgeous GORGEOUUUUUUS beauty he looked…

After that day it has been this dream or himcoming actually that you see him live him loooooooooove him adooooooooooooooore him drooooooool over him in that color…

Now all you can see feel live looooooove is that one visuao playing on loop now as you keep changing sides now…this one khushiiiii i swear the more you relive that moment now!!!!!

Fire n chill!!!!!

 These mix blend of emotions rushing through today with these lilst moments of khushi…!

This beautiful blend of firey missing to this chilled calmness running through just reliving that one visual of him standing at the balcony in that color to these moemnts and feels now!!!!!!

What only howwweereee only!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaa heart i say!!!!!!

Thu thu thu!!!!!!

 When you are this happiest for reasons you don’t even know after a very VERY long time!!!!!!’

Like to live him like this in his fullest best possible and a new color this time and it has already become your most favourite thing currently on him now a khaki shirt again same softttttttest texture where you could literally feeeel away his arms beneath the shirt too……..

There’s this balcony you wake upto as you turn sides and you see him standing in a khaki shirt and beige pants and that pull in you as you look around it looked different you were hoping it to be a sea view but it was a forest view door se some music still playing like you were checking the surrounding to see if it was a dream or happening for real and you even pinch yourself to see your skin turn red and you still could see him and the waaaaaaay he turns around looks at you and then fully turns around with his back against the balcony grill and folds his arms and just looks at you with that one smiiiiiiiiiiiiile of his like your ultimate scream cue to runnnnnnnnn to him and exactly you do the same first live him a step far and the waaaaaaaay he unfolds his arms and rest over the railing behind like his way of saying check me out kinda stare and you do dooooo and howeeeeee from head to toe just living that beauuuuuuuuuty of him away his daaaaadi his skin glow in that color on him his shirt style of wearing it that way and with some breeze the way the collar of the sjirt falls farther and he raises his head and neck like looking up and raises his arms like he used to back then in the gym and security checks and then that smiiiiiiiile eve more as he looks up knowing just knowing there’s no stopping you now and the waaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks in that moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa my favvvvbbbbb most edible form of human bird I swear!!!!!!!!!

To him and the first thing you chummi eat his neck up as he chuckles over feeling your madness for him over his neck raising his arms again as you try to reach out to tje waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he holds all of you awaaaay feeling your back away exactly how he used to and you take his face in your hand to live him him raiding his eyebrows asking what’s up and slowly kisses your hand away looking you in the eye and then kisses you that one waaaaaay he used to ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that beauuuuuuuuuuty of him I swear in that moment charlie my heart kidney everything in me right there THE LOOOOOOOOVE of your life right there in that moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Something’s you relive as you write now this rushhhh of goosebumps now!!!!!!!!

It’s that visual with the music playing the brush of the breeze over him him looking a lil high and most beauuuuuuutoful the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay that one sudden transition in you and he chuckles over it saying look at you breathing this way kya hona karely and that veryytyytttytyt second that sudden excitement in you in the waaaaaay he calls you that says you that in that loooove tone of his voice you wake up……

That one state of you in that moment still confused what it was where you were cause you did pinch yoruself too to check and it was real didn’t feel like a dream cause you checked the surroundings too and that sudden confusion……

First thing to live him on WhatsApp and that feeeeeeeeel of him like seconds back this very face was right there in your hands like he was that close that one rush to get in the workout and you come out your mom asking something first thing looking at you says why is your face and lips so red asking if you had a fever on or something and that one sudden giggle you couldn’t hold it in and rush to the workout room……

Check your face and it was actually red with your lips too some feeeeeeeeeeeels nai just beyond!!!!!’nn

Get in the workout and you had to had to get in the him moves too ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this flight mode it always puts you in there’s this slow rush as you feeeeel him on your skin as you move like he is there along with you as max mad as this sounds writing it out just is the waaaay it feels him along with you feeling your arms back neck away as you stretch and move or even dance as today…..

Like it wasn’t an intense workout today just bout getting in the feeeeels today and it did howwww!!!!!!!

This morning this day today that him in that color ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mind HIMZONING and HOWEEE!!!!!!!

Madness!!!!!

 Some feeeeels you live are beyond logics!!!!!

Can never get used to this THIS feel of waking Ito his face to live his details up close soon as you are up still in that sleep and dream haze state of mind like just seconds back he was here this very same face was just here kinda vibe!!!!!!

Now getting in the workout ofc had to and still that same feeeeels!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa howeeeeee only!!!!!!!!!

Complete howlaaapnaaaa I swear it’s ebecomfin!!!!!!

Something beautiful!!

 There’s something that beautiful there’s that sense of love a different kinda love fascination passion in wanting to see the things they do specially someone you are in love with…..like their workstation the place where they create something work on something the things they love doing like the way they dress that zone of theirs to live like the way they are communicating with a completely random person just walking by to live that moemnt like random moments of how they move round n bout through their day…..something that beautiful in just living those moments and how much you looooooved that bout him even him walking around in the gym talking to people and you just loooooved watching him do that during his car service things him explaining something bout the car to the mechanic and you loooved that too to see how obsessed he was bout his car which now you very VERY MUCH are too and just like he had said back then you would too someday and back then it didn’t make sense when he said that…it’s only now!!

To the way he would just order his sandwich to the way he would carefully choose some track or film to watch to him just setting the right mood for the track at his Versova space as he also makes his psy beedi and howwwww you loooooooved watching that process too…..the way he would slide his tongue across that sheet and watch you amusingly live that beauty of him and then smiiiiile that smile of his as he very focusingly makes his epic psy beedi……you looooved watching him transform after that first puff and the waaaaay he would look that extra extraaaaaaaa bit of more beautiful like suddenly from a tamed garden to a wild forest like beauty of his…

His eyes his smile his body language the sound of his voice that beauuuuutoful slow transition through him and how you looooooooved living it bit by bit…

Something’s you write and this missing now some sounds I swear the things they can do to your mind away is something else!!!!!!!!

Sense of Him along!!!!

 What are the chances of walking into a store for some croissant and the first thing playing is cigarettes after sex track and that very feeeeeeeeel of a day feeling complete almost……that sense of him along and you just stand there at the counter blankly staring away the menu not thinking anything else but just the Him rushing through you……

And with a smile on just staring away at the wall wondering bout these moments of Him magic through your day and howwweeee!!!!!

It’s been beautifully maddening the waaaaays you’d been feeling him away since the concert all the more…..having experienced a missing in that way out there in public was beyond anything else!!

To this start of a Youday like this and how lilst of things of someone mean the world away to you is another beauty of logic…

To living that beauuuuuuuuty of him looking a mix of al things edible drool worthy and adoooorable worthy in the black tee picture of his……..also by the end of the day realising how long it’s been having lived him for real rushes throug you ……

To just sometime back again and how you missed that beloved circle over him to notice his work will be out soon and his work station has also been one of your most loved places of him to visit…

Be it back then in his room just his laptop there and you loved going throug the things around it or his diary that he leaves with you to read a scribble or two bout you in a way of his own to much later at his Dd space how you looooooooved that corner vibe of that room of his corner…..with his sheets of script scattered around his pen somewhere his guitar just around to the food dabbas around to a bar of dairy chocolate there…..knowing his post psy beedi craving for a dairy milk immediately after and now with time strangely has somehow become your habit of having one bar of same post a drink like always…

Strangely beautiful are the ways when growing in love with someone for a longer duration of time and still feels this new rush kinda feeeelinf the waaaaays it makes you feel in your stomach that goeeey mush vibe everytime you see anything bout him…now this feeeeeeeeel after SO long to live him on WhatsApp too!!!!

Some feeels just never get old or used to!!!!!

Still gives you the same or maybe more feeeels I say…!

Like Music!!!!!

 He is the most gorgeous human form of music and magic I say!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaay a goooood sound makes you feel inside out like it melts all of you on the inside taking it all to a deeper level mind all of you on the inside where you don’t feet a thing beyond that sound him feels the exact same same……..

Again when some track gives you all the him feels and howwwweeeeeeee on THJS level!!!!!!

Having deactivated your ig account almost a week back to just be off with the state of mind you were in and missing out on this and only when your mom asks you to deactivate few apps on her phone the very first obvious thing was to check him out and ayyyaaaaaaaa that one beauuuuuuuty in a black tee your heart literally popped outta you kinda feeeeeel!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaay he looks a mix of everything possible be it heights of adoooooooorableness to gorgeousness to that level of innocence in his eyes to just being wild wild beautiful with his daaaaadi his smiiiiiile is something that makes you the happiest like nothing prolly else could or would…

Some pictures nai that sudden mushhhhhhhh that caramelly goeeeyyyyy mush vibes and since the start of the day today this him highddddddddd where you have to keep telling yourself control uday controoooool he hasn’t added you or something it’s a unblock could also be him changing phones like he did last time…….

But something’s nai when you are living a moment a feeeeel after that long you ignore the logics and mostly you ignore the logics and just go with the vibes and feeeeeels it’s been giving you away…..

Thu thu thu again!!!!!!

Cause it’s been long waaaaaaaaay too long having lived this feeeeeeeel of just being able to live him looking his wild messy gorgeous self and how it’s been bringing back his late nights on the terrace date vibes back….messy hair eyes sleepy in shortest chaddis possible looking his adooooooooooooorable beautiful self!!!!!!!!

And how you looooooooooooved him that way!!!!!!!

And now seeing a glimpse of that him from back then in this picture of his beautiful beautiful madness I swear!!!!!!!

Like you just can’t hold back this smile off your face I say!!!!!!!

Control is just not controlling simply beyond your control I say…!

Waking up!!!!

 Late laaaate waking up just now and to wake up like THIS on a Sunday afternoon where it immmmeeeediately becomes a Youday!!!!!

He unblocks you where there are two screams happening right now!!!!!

He unblocks you after 4 years!!!!!!!!

To wake up to his face and the very first thing like always seeing his hair from this close eating it up like you looooved back then…

THIS feeeeeeeel of a Youday like this one still sleepy eyes hazy mind all cozyyyy and fuzzy living this beauty away!!!!!

HE UNBLOCKED YOU!!!!!!!

Thu thu thu not putting your own happy dishti !!!!!!!

Music!!!!!

 Like you’d been avoiding to write this state of mind out for this long and all again it took was music to say it out of you…..

Like you’ve been trying to silence your dreams away your workouts away and just stopping at the cardio and stuff and avoiding the himhour of the workouts knowing it would only elevate all these feels away!!!!!

Like you wake up with that much him post dreams still and then the lostness follows throug the rest and get in as much work as possible but not happening…..and you had to take the day off today cause I swear charlie when the himness strikes through you like THIS you just wanna be on own…..away from it all and just be living this feeling this in the fullest way possible!!!!!

And without fail with music again just does something it’s like magic pouring through your soul and making it better somehow SOMEHOW!!!!!!!

It’s that sparkle with these memories rushes of him like visuals THIS clear like it wasn’t even about 15 years back whowwwww saying something’s out just does hit differently!!!!!!

Music…!

 The best possible way to experience yourself your deep mind or deepest feels that makes every bit of you comes alive is just possible two ways one is ofc Love and the other has to be Music…

The waaaaaay a sound at a certain level and beat can make you feel is beyond magic…

Under the open sky winter time chill in the air just like back then falling in love with him same time around and then to live an experience like this to live him all over again from the very start as the music plays like you were making video singing along a line and then stopping and just eyes shut and moving along with the sound and every feeeel for and with him…

Usually in a atmosphere like that with all couples mostky around a slight possibility to feel otherwise but you were happiest in that moment feeling him THAT strongly like literally him rushing through your veins in the mostest way possible like that fully alive…the moon above the sound the beats the lights and HIM rushing through you fully alive and most alive possible…

U were closest to the stage the music was loudest singer singing loudest and yet amidst al you could hear him talking from back then the sound of his laughter him talking him whispering him sleep talking everything all at once…

Like you come out from there THAT high on him…!

The mind the state of you that beautifully lost and quiet not a single word from you come home wine down music still playing him still rushing full speed possible through you…

It was all very different like to be able to feel live that love for him loud out after years also was another experience altogether!!!!!

Music I swear can do things away, like connect you to your truer deeper self in the most unimaginable of ways!!!!!!

Awakened…!

 To live an experience as this you only realise why you love music so much!!!!!

Like you are THIS passionate bout music and it’s only yesterday you realise how it’s been the only way to find him ever since his absence from your life…

Like it’s your only way of escape from the reality and dive into everything to any slightest of Hims you can possibly manage and get your hands on…

After last few days been difficult with too many questions doubts and realisations of how could be his oshm painter or anybody else for that matter but YOU……it’s been years now and yet never you!!!!!!

Last night when there to feeeeeel him like that all over again with the music playing was letting yoruself your love out for him….in the most unusual of ways in the most magical of ways with the music playing that loud the artist singing this song o piya and the waaaaaaaaay everything him starts to rush through you like you were dancing or atleast moving along with the sound eyes shut and just feeeeeling one with the sound and the beats the sound of voice and the waaaaay everything him right from the very start right when you see him his feet his legs his head looking down to the moment him sitting with you on the stairs talking something and adooorably laughing away and you just living his details the first time liking somebody’s facial features like you live his eyes his lips his cheek his beautiful wide forehead the way his eyes sparkle his nose twitches under the sun to him looking down showing you how to tie the lace saying something the sound of his voice him looking down smiling away and then looking at you and pauses for a second asking you not to move the way he looks you in the eye and smiles some more…….asking you to look the other direction and you just couldn’t look away from him is when you realise how much you were loving living his details away…..and he asks you again to look the other side just so he could see your eyes from the side too and comes closer to take a closer look and that very moment his face that close to you and for the first time you didn’t fear somebody’s presence that close to you…and instead wanted to live his details from that close too……to that moemnt of coming out of the temple watching him stand there out for you and you just look at him from far and that very moment that one first feeeeeeel……

To the second you get in and the way he talks bout not being at any temple after his mom thing and so stayed out and you ask him if you could put the vibudhi on him and he leans closer to you lifting his hair off the forehead and that very second too as you put the vibudhi and instead just stay that way living his beauuuty away him looking down eyes shut your one finger on his forehead and your finger just wouldn’t move to just feel him for the first time that way……to the way realising that he slowly looks at you and smiles away and raises his eyebrow asking what’s up and you realise and move away…..

To that first moment at opera to live him to looooove him living you living your details away to that moemnt of sharing that with him him holding you closest possible and keeps touching your ears with his lips and keeps whispering the same word over n over again it’s me it’s just me it’s only me karely it will be always me it’s just me I swear…….like that second the complete moment his music playing the low dim lights from his music system the beauty of the quiet and wild opera around late hour of the evening and to live your fear with him and find his love in that very moment in the waaaaay he makes you live it the waaaaay he just holds you through the moemnt to the many other moemnts later of literally asking him I want more of you I want more of you not knowing how what and the wasaaaay he would hold you laugh over it and say I know I know still holding you…….

To that moment of him walking to the car and leans over whispering away I don’t want to but have to…. his car lights blinking as he stays for a bit looking at you through the rear view to that moemnt right outside the gym he asks you if you wanted to sit for a bit and you knowing somehow you just nod not like this not like this……to that moment at his Versova place just before leaving as you get off and the way he holds your hand and just looks you in the eye slowly sometime more for a bit and you literally fall over him and he holds you again and stays that way with leg in between and holding you closest……to another call from your aunt where you were staying at and he asks you now to get ready and comes along with you in the washroom looks at you looks at you through the mirror and points at him and you together and says not bad nai and that feeeeeeeeeeeel like you found him and his love again all over again…….

Like even before getting in the auto that evening you wait for him to stop you that one scream on the inside stop me once once pls and the waaaaaay he just looks at you and get in watching him walk back to his place……to that moment of falling on the floor of his dd space maybe also why you didn’t feel like getting off the floor not wanting to leave the waaaay he keeps dancing away and then dropping you on the floor and you staying that way not wanting to get off……

It was like every bit of him charlie his sound of voice his eyes his forehead his back then lil lower lip daadi to his full wild daaaadi to his skin on the arms and palm the feeeel of his arms as you used to hold him rushes through you every lil detail bout him…..

Like you singing out loud moving feeling him away with the sound and just bout half an hour off or something you come out alone as you were there with a friend and sister and you come out alone ask the driver to bring out the car and ask the driver to go get them or something and you sit in the car and speak your love out I love you I loved you so so much I love you so much chippy like yuh keep repeating it saying it out loud over n over again cause the moemnt the vibe the whole vibe of that moemnt the music was like feeling him with you literally in the moemnt it was that strong it was that beyond you just that beautiful beyond you……like happily cry it out not sadly it’s that sudden realisation even after years how much you love someone still love someone…

Like they bring beer and stuff along and you just had a few sips or something and didn’t wanna drink at all it’s that need to vibe with just the music in your complete sense where you feel it the most pure it the most possible way……

And it was magical…!

To feel him that much to live him that much to live that self of yours that way after a VERY long time….

THIS Hzoned!!!!!

 It was a very VERY special night today!!!!

To live an experience like this one that youd mostly dreamed with him along first concert ever…..and youve dreamt bout concerts with him and today of all artists this one being his music now…

Some random find of a track by this artist on youtube and the very next day he likes another track by the exact same artist tum jab paas ati ho……

The waaaaaays everything bout that track was Him and to fiiiiiinaly live that very same track live today was MAGIC!!!!!

Last few days have been difficult post realisations too many and then today to finally live a night like this one and the WAAAAAAAAYS youd missed him today is beyond words and logics!!!!!

Todays missing was something else this mind this you today with THAT much him!!!!!!

Too many co incidences today through the concert the very first visual of the beautiful C moon right over the screen to the visuals of shoe lace tying on the stairs with her to the birds flying high , to the pesssychedelic lights just like his dd room back then to the cycle visual again him cycling around his dd house and the waaaaaaays it was bringing Him along - PURE MAGIC!!!!!!

It all just feels very different today…

VERY!!!!!!!

Waaaaaaaaaay too much to write and also!!!!!!

Saving a day like this one the way as weird strangely crazy and logicless delusional as it sound it just somehow felt like watching the concert with him!!!!!

How why what even you have no idea, just did…!

Absoooolutely!!!!!!

 U are this absooooolute fan girl of him like myaaaaaaadly crazy bout him kinda fan I say!!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty of some moments amidst the recent ironies that you were slammed with lately…

This 2 year old driver you have had issues since day 1 but to find a good driving driver itself is a big deal here so you’d been adjusting to the attitude this driver had since day 1…..

Like mostly noticing the driver checking at the back when you make that lil effort in dressing specially when with meets with model or clients…..

And this time some very old staff of yours shared this with you about the driver and some other staff at workshop talking bout you how there’s never seeing meeting a guy at all ever and it’s only been girls around you and talking bout madam must be into women kinda stuff behind your back during the tea breaks at the workshop on the terrace..

And with too much nuisance you had to fire both and last few days with no driver have been difficult and then finally today finding a decent one fingers crossed!!!!!!

But yeaaaaaah amidst that feeling of you against the world post fittings for the next one the mode insists on hanging out for a bit at this brewery…..with her sister and friends for a bit as it was her sisters birthday…..head there with her the second you walk in the very first step there’s His lifafa exact same track playing there……and that very feeeeeeeeeeeel of him charlie ayyaaaaaa in moemnts like these when you gottaaa have a straight face on like you are absolutely normal where andar there’s this huuuuuuge wave of rush of him rushing through you and you still have to act normal…..

Excuse yourself for a bit to a corner table and live him from there to the sound playing the feet wouldn’t stop tapping the hands the insides of you having this one party on the inside with that sudden rush of him……..every lil thing bout him and it’s completely absolutely LOOOOOOOVE to you!!!!!!

It’s this beauuuuuuuutoful madness for anything him and how you loooooooooove every detail bout him his hands holding ringo his skin on the arm his fine hair on the arms that you loooooooved feeeeling away when he was bout to drop you home and just before getting out of the car you loooooved feeling his skin away on the arms feeling his fine hair away on the arm and the waaaaaay he just used to watch you do that and then after you get down he would call you when you are still in lift saying some love you have no for my arm like am watching it now as I drive and it just feels different……

It’s his lilst details and you were madly still maaaadly in love completely…..

Even then in that moment as the track plays the psychedelic lights around the feeeeweeeeeel of him and how you howwwwweeeeeee you miss him being with you in some places in some exact specific moments!!!!!!

Like that meeeed to hold his arm and feeeeel the vibe away just that sudden neeed sudden want of wanting him away tabbhiiii ke tabhiiiii!!!!’

Howwweee!!!!!

 How is it possibly possible to even be this madly crazily in looooove with someone over years even with the absence and the logics and the reality’s on one side!!!!!

Like the slightest of him and THAAAAAT AMUCH him from the dreams doing this away to your mind and all of you…

At gvk for Singham and that very same second to live him from there and the second you see your most loooved circle circling over fataaak se take your moms phone running to one corner of the stairs to live him and there he was ayyyaaaaaaa in that one off white kurta and pants looking his gorgeoussssssssssssslu delicious self and cherry on top his music it did come along with his music and you alone know HOWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEE baaaaadly you miss his music along with him!!!!!!

And then there was no going back on your face and the way friend and mom same second she defining saw something read something there was something in that one second that made your face red and that smile u struggle to keep off your face……

Lil did you know you already were flashing it evidently cause you just could t help it!!!!

One ear plugged in play his track and that one misssssing himhighhhdddd party running on the inside I say!!!!!!

Like the mind was off and away to all things HIM and howwweee where even some visual of Nepal in the movie brings him along!!!!!!

String of things I swear one thing to another and that one place never NEVER gets old like every single time there still feel the same it’s him all over that place…….

U are doing your best to miss him in a veggie way and avoid the nonveggie way but ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa howdooooyouuuuevennnnnn keep your mind off when he pooora ka poooooora looks that deliciously edible lickable sluuuurpaaaable I say!!!!!!

On some days it feels pointless and you avoid seeing the other side with all your wishes and hopes flying high and just stick to the missing to the feeeeels rushing through you…..

And that one track screaming away ghar aaajaaaa and that one feeeeeeeel every single time one time he calls the next second you will be there…….this very same thought you did have when you see him unblock you on just insta and that very same day you were on talks with Pernia Bombay team for a possible collaboration to have your designs there in Bombay too and finally fix the schedule for it for December……that eventually means having to be there in Bombay then!!!!!!

And that one place is nothing but all of it is Versova to you!!!!!

Like the sound of Bombay now means only Versova…!

From what to what from where to where it went……

Just like the story too lil did you even think back then having him SO MUCH this too would happen bolke…

Back then too when he would find you living his details away even something as lil as him walking back to the car with you in it and you just living him by increasing the volume of his music playing and he would get in the car and lower the volume ALWAYS like he always liked it at a certain volume not too loud…..and you some tracks loved it loud like you know when you are one with the sound with the beat with the rhythm with the flow of the music like you literally feel it run through you as you listen to it kinda loud and the first thing he asks you is the way you look at me am not going anywhere I am yours and only yours main kidhar nai jaara……and chummis you right there outside gvk ticket counter……

Like out there in the public but in the car still and that feeeeeeel the waaaaay he looks you in the eye and smiles away and asks you to say it and you tell him you just loooooove watching him the way he walks the way he randomly looks around like to just watch him with his music playing…pats your head calls you howli to the parking lot and that’s where the chummieats your face up moments used to be there……like you could sense by the way he drives up speedily there and finds the corner most space to park it up looks around checking rechecking again and the waaaaaaaay he would take your face in one hand pulling you closer……

Agaaaaaaaaaaaaaain where to where only it went!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaa kyaaaaaaaa thooooo bhiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

Soooooo yeaaaaah seconds back you see this suggested post not even a page you follow and it’s this some words nai hit on another level only…

THIS!!!!!

 There’s something that beauuuuuuutifully insane bout finding his music and falling myaaaadly in love with it……could also be a track you’d heard before…

But all that matters right now is this a new track from him and it comes with him looking his absoluuuuuuutrly eatable gorgeous self in a off white kurta hayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee like how do you see a delicious rabriiii and not WANT to eat it!!!!!!!

Like its been a VERY wanty start to the day right from that moment you wake up with a himcoming again like that one…

Its this state of all of you and the waaaaaaaay he came and left in this state of you needing WANTING more of him i swear!!!!!!!

And the waaaaaaaaay his music just does something of a way to be closest to taming it or further fuelling it away too!!!!!!!

This mind this state of you and ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that one HIM, HEART OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!

Chipmunk…!

 Lil gin highd now even with the cold still on but thisssss himhighhhhddddddddd i say!!!!!!

One visual of him and all thats been coming away to the mind is to chummiiiieathimupppppp i say pooora ka poooora!!!!!!

Like youve been trying yo get a hold on minf and all it takes is this beauuuuuuuuty of him one visual of him and now a night like this one with back to back him moments i say!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how oblyyyyyyy yoi are being missed awayyyyy aisaaaa waisaaaaa kaisaaaaaaa kaisaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!  

Teraaaaa pyaaaaar layaaaaaa kahiiii jahaaaa raaaaat hotiiii naiiiii!!!!!!!

Yahaaaaaa meinnnmn soyiiiiiii naiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!

Wahaaaaaaa tuuuuuuu ataaaaaaaaaa naiiiiiiiiiiuiiuii!!!!!!!!

Ultimate fav!!!!

 Second time now!!

And its an ultimate fav character now like all you can see is that gorgeeeeeousness of him in that garfield shirt now!!!!!!

THAT ONE!!!!!

 There are over a billion trillion faces around you come across and howwwwweeeee amazingly magical it is that just that one THAAAAAAAT ONE FACE becomes your complete ultimate pooooora ka poooooora heart!!!!!!

Like everytime you see anyhow a lilst of him bhi in some way or the other every single beauuuuuuutifullll time this one very same feeeeeeel haaaaaayeeeeeeeeeee there he is meraaaa pooooora ka pooooooora heart right there smiling away and howwwweeeeee!!!!!

It’s this THIS innnaaaaaate amount of happiness it gives you andar se heee to just see him smiiiileeeeee!!!!!

And there’s nothing absulyrely more beautiful than that!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaa suchaaaaaaa heartness He is I swear!!!!!!!!!

Said it before!!!!!

 Said it before a godzillion times can scream out the same over and over again I say nothing in the world no face in the world no human in the world makes you feeeeeeeel awaaaaaay all these things and moooooore the waaaaaaaays him I say HIM I SWEAAAAAAAR Does!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa all things LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE in a beauuuuuuuuuuuutifuk hoooman form I say!!!!!!!

Sound of times…!

 U may not see him live him on days when you want the most but the one time you are THAT sure to find him is when you are sick……and its no longer a fever dream anymore with scary giants along crossways walking but ever since him…its always been him in the most adooooooorable of ways when you are unwell!!

After dressing up clients for diwali and getting yours in red and yellow for diwali you fall sick bad flucking flu sick right a day before diwali…

The sound of crackers in the air and theres always His sound of voice that comes along talking bout his paaaadmini fartmini neighbour..his childlike adooorable excitement in his voice still this very clear!!!!!

Yesterday too first time skipping his fav gulab jamun away cause cold has been that baaaad!!!!

And it was more of that lostness cause getting red done was mainly because the only time he commented immediately with some dp change of yours on WhatsApp was with that some red outfit dp change at vishus place that he loved of yours…….and comments mostly for your hair in the pic!!!!

And this time too after years you wanted to wear a red with that hope n wish on mind but wasnt that much cause of the cold and also someway was……

It was a simple one with pooja and cracker watching the sky lit up that beauuuutifully and everytime you see the flowers up in the sky that one beauuuuuty of that feeeeeeel for him inside of you back then rushes through you…

How for the first and only time ever in life you had started to loooooooove somebodys presence that much that it made you want to see him that day that badly and he kept saying that day too over n over again and also why he keeps calling you throughout the day……to complaining bout how he wanted to wear a basic black kurta instead and asks you what do you think would it look nice on me and this when he was changing his pants cause he was that adooorably vocal bout getting one leg in and the other gets stuck and he struggles through it with those hammmi sounds of him……

That night too him texting you pretty late it was something bout the smoke in the air and you check it and that feeling for the first time in life in you how much you had loved talking to him the complete day the sound of his voice like him texting you that literally made you want to talk to him then and then realising you also were to get married and in that weird space of time he again texts you saying i know you are up razaakh can sense these things u just read…

And shares the entire scenario bout the surroundings bout what he had for dinner and how he still wanted to talk till he falls asleep with you……to that text being asking you to get ready for the gym as early as possible and he will pick you up…

By 8 the next morning you were ready and he literally textst you saying he was under your apartment after 5 mind or so……

The second you are down him standing outside his car on his side doesnt say a word but just that one smmiiiiiiiile on him and you that feeeeeeeeeeel to just see him had made you THAAAAAAAAAT happy!!!!!!!

The second you get in him still looking at you and that one nod of his and that prolly was the first time he doesnt speak a single word and just that face of him had said it all…….like you were that happpppy on the inside and there was that much happierness there all over on him!!!!!!

Where to where only it went!!!!!!!

Soooooooo yahhhh it was a pjs wali Diwali yesterday to that moment of falling asleep and then to live that hug of him that warmth of him that comfort of him as you had a high fever last night……

The waaaaaaaaaay that first moment of his scent and that first touch to the waaaaaaaaaaay he holds all of you away and like that feeeeeeeeeel of being wrapped completely with all of Him and just Him!!!!!!!!!!

His face on your shoulder his daaaaaadi against your skin the waaaaaaaaaays it was giving you mixed feeeeeels like wanting to chummi eat him up also and wanting to just stay that way also the waaaaaay he rubs himself against you moves comforting you even writing it now!!!!!!

Like you don’t visually live him but all of you felt all of him away lived all of him away and HOWWWEEEE with the sound of him……

All day yesterday this one sound push playing it has that vibe of those days somehow strangely like yesterday it made you feel him closely from that day live him closely like it all was just about yestersay and not 15 years back…

Whowwwww saying somethings loud out hits you VERY differently…!

Visuals!!!!

 Also why no matter how long the day has been with work then the dhanteras and also the studio pooja after the renovations kinda looooooong day, theres always this time where and when you find something good it takes over the need to sleep…

When you literalllllly become the one you are in love with…!

Not consciously but with time, it just happens!!

Its not one of those faaaaaantastic ones but theres that lil something bout some that has a hold on you and you just had to……

The beauty of this one visual was one such thing…

These different versions and ways of missing him away!!!!!!!

U the absolute alien, Him the wild forest boy!!!!!!!

Moments!!!!

 When its been a day full of cleaning and organising stuf at home for Diwali it had to be a second shower of the day…

Day started off on a his music note and the attempt of holding your mind off the dream youd had this morning…..it all suddenly somehow feels different now!!!!!

Knowing it!!!!

Shower on and the second very secomd the waaaaaay it just felt that different a beauuuutiful different……there was that beauty in showers the next day of meeting him or in summers the night shower too its that viiiiiibe of he has been here kinds not saying out too much but that viiiiibe that feeeeel as you touch the skin and stuff that one feel…….

That very same feeeeel today like andar se strangely for that momemt it strongly felt the exact same like you are back in time and just met him kinds…….

It was that strong feeling yourself away like youd just met him…

And that very second you just had to write it out cause youd never felt that way and had felt it after a very VERY long time that way…

Some moments!!!!!!!

To THIS beauuuuuuuty of him and you still cant stop playing that clip of him!!!!!

Everytime this one feeeeeel like you are trying still trying!!!!!!!

Magic!!!!

 Another one of those very first experiences right now…

It’s been years having met him n right now after yeaaaars this exact feeel vibe of the shower like back then after meeting him……

It just is feeeeeeling exactly like that almost magic!!!!!!

Still donno howwwwww

Whowwwweeee!!!!

 A snapshot of essence and how fuckiiiingtrue can it possibly get to the core of the words I say!!!!!!

Some sounds and this thing they can do to your mind like wanting to sing away literally to him like this THIS one track absolutely HIM!!!!!

Every bit of the feeeeel that you’ve ever felt for him right from that walk into your life through the gym doors to the bit where hours back the waaaay it made you feel realising something…….

To this very moment as you are watching his zoooooomed up clip on loop just cause it makes you feeeel closer to his face closer to him…

His daaaaadi his face his eyes going left right left right his lashes your heaaaart complete heart right there!!!!!!

And said it before can say it over a zillion times again, there’s nothing in the world that can even come closer to what and how you feel for him!!!!!!!!

The things you feel away for him like right now with this track playing, I loooooooooooove you sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaa a lot more than you’d ever know…!

This night today just just just Magic, pure magic I swear…!

The waaaaay you’d felt for him that strongly this very night years back to fast forward in time right now this very night and still feeling away much much strongly years after too……

Some sounds PURE PASSION LACED MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!

HOWWWE!!!!!!

 No wonder his fav word to call you back then was howlii!!!!!

This loooooooooove for him charlie everytime the waaaaaaay it grows like this like you are literallllly trippin with his music over his clip and in complete aweeeeeeee of him!!!!!

Sometimes it make you self question too how like this mad bolkeee but this is one thing in your life you have no absolute control over!!

Like you just canttttt when it comes to things to do with him be it anything at all and this you it fataaaak se transforms complete aweeeeed of him!!!!!!

As you for getting water check yoruself and now Garfield is your most looooooved character earlier it was scoobydoo…

How like this where you are pushing the ajeebness back of your mind hoping tomo morning you will wake up sober and am telling you charlie all these feeeeeels is without even a sip of daru it’s just this pureeeeeeee himhiiiighd I say and howwwweeeeeeee!!!!!

Thrillesssst!!!!

 Some sounds mhaaaaaaaaaaaaan whhhhoooowwwwwweeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Like you are suddenly in this switch mode like soooooooo high on his music with that one visual of him I say like you keep watching that zoooomed up clip of his and then listening to this one track trillest by the same artist and this hiiiiiiiiigh it’s been giving you away right now…….

Like this beat this viiiiiiibe of the track is all things his presence makes you feeeel away on the inside kindaaaa hiiiiimhiiiiiiighd I say right now!!!!!!!!

And you don’t ever wanna get off this the waaaaaaay it’s making you feel right now!!!!!!!!

This one track that one clip of his!!!!!!!!!

How much you’ve loooooooooved this one and only face in your life all this whiiile!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaa if you only knewwwww I swear!!!!!

Sound of music…!

 The things a goooooooooooood music can make you feel is beyond anybody’s imagination I saaaay!!!!!

Like alwaaaays this beauuuuuty of finding His music…

And this viiiiibe already of “your night is made”…!

Truly luckiest absoluteeeeely luckiest in the world for him to share his music too!!!!!!!!

A night like that one to,

A night like this one too…!

Dinosaur!!!!

 The dino fossils visual and you realise seen it before and yaha waha moving around to music and that one ting from your model friend on insta some meme again and tats when you realise it’s not deleted yet……

That sudden urge and rush to live him and the second you get on ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa how many more times how many more years can you possibly keeeeeep falllllling drowninggggggg in loooove with someone over n over again year after year……

New post of his work but the cover of it I say as weirdly ajeeb it feels now saying it and phir bhi can’t help I say the waaaaaaaaaaaay he looks that beauuuuuuuuuutifully adooooorable in the pic and the next one being the exact same clip almost from your dreams zooooomed up version of his details his lashes ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa how you looooooooved licking them away like noodles I say!!!!!!!

Like just before kissing his eyes you loooooved taking his lashes between your lip and just staying that way and the waaaaaaay he wouldn’t move not even a second obviously and just stay that way without saying a word only after you let the lashes go the waaaaaaaaaay he would fataaaaaaaak se chummi eat your face away!!!!!!

Some visuals I swear ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how gooodamn luckiest in the world I say some just get nai……..

THAT ONE HOOOOOMAN all things ALL THINGS loooooooooooooooove I say head to toe….

See his pants and google out go all out pants like must have ditto ones but no results!!!!!

Missing level madness I swear!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks that beauuuuuuuutofull ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this lil heart of yours I swear!!!!!!!!

Way of Love…!

 This beauty of way of love i say somehow or the other just makes it own way through……

Doing your ultimate best to take your mind off it and finally watching tranformers new one and this beauuuuty of his music again…

Some moments nai like this so filmyly the visual goes slow and almost pauses over it for a second……and that tinggggg wali feeeeling his music…

De la soul!!!!!

Music…!

 Can share movies hobbies food you like places you love with people acquaintances or even random friends over conversations…music is too intimate its like sharing your core almost with someone……

And as they call it now the “love language” is what sharing music feels like…

In the balcony him sharing his love for movies and film making and asks what your career interest was and you start off with as a kid wanting to something in classical dance form then it was classical singing and eventually was sketching and illustration as you grew up…..

And that adoooooooooorable childlike squeak in his voice with excitement saying no wonder i always wanted to have someone love someone in life was inclined to anything art form…no wonder i love you so much!!!!!!

Then shares his knowledge and advice about its not financial stability that one needs to have to pursue something you just need the will to do it…..and tells you to check out videos to learning something and then can still pursue it…

Its his likes on one of the posts and you notice some painter her profile first few post and there was His music and you realise his back then bullet pic sketch and the other last year dp thing too!!!!!!!

Knowing him him sharing his loved music only happens with someone he feels closest to!!!!!

And then suddenly you heading over to one of his places today and still being on the gram didnt make any sense…..

Cause you didnt want to snoop around as he was your best friend first and youve always wished prayed and wanted the best for him…….didnt want that deep down years back gfriendy thing to pop back so deactivating the account seemed more logical for now…

Am telling you love does make you do all things ajeeb that still feel right, strangely weirdly somehow!!!!!!

This one feeeeeeel whoever where ever the luckiest to have him that one person in your life, you can not stop being grateful and thankful for in your life…

He is that kind…!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you beauuuutoful beauuuuuutiful lil big adooooorable thing i swear!!!!!!!

Words!!!!!

 This thing youd read on some writers page few days back!!!!!

Also when the original plan of the day was heading over to either Sanghi or dd colony today like this years him place……

But this too much missing lead to it and now you are not sure why you even did that!!!!!!!

On a brighter note another one of those most loooved times of the year……the Diwali!!!!!

Taking a few pics and how corners have turned out is like doing your best to put your mind on diversion but this missing nai when your current wallpaper is the zoooooomed up version of just his forehead in that white tee, just sooo nobody knows who it is or what it is!!!!!!

Having been thaaaaaaaat used to seeing him that way for real ayyyaaaaaaaa that one beauty of him i swear in that one too!!!   

With his usual lip style!!!!!

Innocence adooooorableness gorgeousness eatableness all in one…!

Dazed!!!!!

 Exactly why youd deleted your facebook account years back, its that need sometimes to not know the reality for the best…

On some days the missing hits harder than any other day of the year…

Also the day when you literally drown yourself in the scent he knew of you - carolina herera……

Its just a weird missing today when being too nosey and daya types didnt really work that well for you!!!!!

This missing today!!!!!

Love is all things beautiful and yet at the very same time can be all things ajeeb too…

Dates!!!!

 Andddddd some dates on the calendar and the sound of his voice from that nights phone call years ago…it still always ALWAYS feels like it was just yesterday…

Just yesterday he was here with all his Love…!

This one moooooooooood some dates can land you in and still wondering!!!!!!!

If only…!

Amazed, still love you the same!!!!!!!!!!

The sound...!

 The sound of His name...!

Feeling flu like weird in between to head to work or skip it and now having coffee read this very first thing as you get on insta...kittuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu complete and just all HEART!!!!!!!!!!!

The beauty & adore of pet name love name whatever you may call it... The very first person and only one that gave your first ever nickname pet name Him...

Karely, cookieeeepie, kurkuriii, bombieeee, bubbles and most one of all Howliii!!!!!!!!

Himcomingsssss!!!!!!

 When you literally wake up with your sound of voice……

Last few days this ajeeb feeeeel cause low-key you were actually hoping wishing he sees your story bout him on his birthday something’s you just donnoooo know bas just that need to….self assure your feelings away!!!!!

To some habits not changing and all you could hear was the sound of his voice from back then when he kiddingly use to say this karelyyy shakkkking on me shakk what the cause back then it was a line from golmaal had released sometime around then…

And this feeeeeel with his birthday post as delicious as he looked in that ayyyaaaaaaa Garfield shirt that one doubt who took such a closeuo and loooovefilled picture!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeeeeeeel ayyyaaaaaaaaa luckiest in the world to live him loooooove him just breathe the same space as him!!!!!!!

To last night ofc OFC in black again you your sleep zone on the couch and this touch on your lips like just that touch of his finger and you lean on the side you felt it and sniff for his presence that Thaaaaaaaaaa One beauuuuuuutty to smell that scent of him and it makes you that happppy he is fiiiiinallly here……and he does that again like they do to the kids lips and you lean more towards him and thaaaat very second to feeeeeeeel him over his chummiiiiiii the waaaaaaaaay he kisesexaaactly his Versova style slowwww nibble and that makes you open your eyes to check him out…

Cause until then you were sleeeep looooving him away but that awakens wideeeely awakens the core of your soul and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!

And him still doing that you doing your best to see what he was wearing and if it’s black he missed you too much if it’s white it’s just cause he wanted to come…if it’s burgundy then it’s his missing madness…….but the rush always come with the black…….and as you try to move slightly to check him out the waaaaaaaaay he holds all of you your hands away and that one stare right diving into your soul and raises his eyebrows asking what’s up and that one restlessness helplessness I swear like all of you wanting to be closest to him to his skin possible like not even an inch awa y from him and the waaaaaaaay he holds you a lil away and watches you struggle to go closer to him……..and that one smiiiiiiiiiiile ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa how many moreeeeerrrrrr times can you possibly faaaal drown away in someone’s smiiiile like this!!!!!!!

To the waaaaay he slowly whispers kyaaa hassri howli like your word of love has become Howli…

To that second when he slowly lets your hands off and that instant rush to literally jump over him and moment to just say it out as much as you’ve missed living him just seeing him breathing the same space as him you’ve MISSSSSSSSED that strong presence essence of him over you his teeth…….everytime he used to that it’s like that feeeeel of someone loving and digging deep into you not just on the surface wala love…it’s like Him diving into you kindaaaa vibe every single time…

And this time the waaaaaaaaaaaay he does that itself tells you bout his missing for you and howwwwweeeeeeee like you wake up with your own lil scream…

Look around and it was almost morning and just you……..

That feeeeeeeeeeeeel on your skin and neck you wake up with like there’s this want this need after waking up from himcoming like that one rushing back to sleep just so the moment continue hoping he is still there but doesn’t happen……

The first thing when you wake up is still neeeeeeding waaaaanting that feeeeel of him and had to rush into the workout!!!!!!!

And howwwww bad you missed it to live him like this it’s pure wild madness I swear!!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaaaay it’s like setting that missing free for the moment then to feeeeeeeeeeel him on your skin that strongly same spots same viiiiiibe is madness to another level which leads to biting your own lip away as you move and feeeeeel him that strongly……..

In the bathroom and first thing you see is this dinosaur hand towel you’d called for like it’s this token of your missing in dinosaur form and it’s been making you happy everytime you see it……like there’s my missssssing and if only sing miyaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa knewwwwww my heart and all organs and everything Loooooooove I say!!!!!!!!!!!