15 years!!!!!!!!!

 A 15 years LONG dream n wish to see his name on screen and fiiiiiiiinally to see live it for real bahadur added tho!!!!!!

All tears very very HAPPY tears with a fiiiiinally screaming inside of you...

It's that feeeeeeeel of having lived dreamt of a dream together at some point in life and after years to visually live it all by yourself where things have changed north pole South pole but the dream remained the same...that wish remained the same!!!!!

And even after years and CHANGES it stillllll feeeels the same...

That moment to hear him talk bout it that moennt to hold him as he spoke bout niladris concert at opera bout success hardships and his aim in life and 15 years after to live it this very moment...

HAPPIEST PROUDEST moment of your life...!

From that feeeeeel of it has his hands on it to seeing glimpses and maybe traces of him with ... Dots his style of writing...

To finally waiiiiiiting for the credits and finalllllllllllly seeing his name on screen as earlier blue canvas you couldn't on your own visually live it for yourself but fiiiiinally this one......

PROUDEST heart right now!!!!!!!

And still!!!!!

 Something's you know you have to now and you are trying your best and somethings you know you just can't...

The second you reach home had to be THIS!!!!!!!!

Donno!!!!

 Donno what to call this what's this why are you here but this strong urge to just write it out right right now!

Early morning call time for shoot and struggling to sleep and this moment how do you still even doesn't make any sense how do you even train your own mind off it.......

Like again some switch something that put off so it stops doing this overworking bit of it.......this strongly how's it even possible when you are doing your best with your mind...

It's the waaaaaay it still feels like this moment or after too...

Why are you like this somethings nai!!!!!!

How to train a dragon still there how to train your own mind practicality 0...

THIS strongly with his voice too with his words too!!!!!

It's your mind you know NOW but this way too?!

Sound!

 Wake up with something just mins back wanted to write but now somehow like even right now you actually came here to write a moment that strong and that one line stays with you since... Why do you do what you do!

This random mixed playlist you play and when you wake upto that this new song playing never heard before that very moment....in that zone you immediately try to make a playlist named mornings and that line again why do you do what you do...

Some questions somehow stay with you nai...!

As ironic as they maybe they still do like that one hit of a realisation!!!!!!!

Love aint a thing!!!!!!

Ick!!!!

 All this while it’ just was you and your mind that’s bout it!!!!!!

Like suddenly you feel like wanting to disappear for a bit…..

U don’t even know right now what to make sense or feel right now……all your presence does is give him that ick where even the lilst of his work appreciation annoyed him that bad!

Standing in the middle of nowhere kinda weird feel to make sense or understand it’s just been your mind all this while ALL THIS WHILE through moments dreams and all just been you alone……

Just you all this while

Moments!

 Some moments feel like one tight slap on your face!

What to what!

Maaaaaaaaaagic!!!!!

 Whaaaaaaaat is this even!!!!!!!

Whaaaaaaaat do you even call moments like these!!!!!!

At the doc cause of this jhingakimaaaki rashes all over your arms now suddenly like morning just face was red now both arms this red and waiting for the turn and check WhatsApp now ayyyaaaaaaaaaa he posted the story almost same time when you'd been feeling weird away......

Something's naiiiiii at the doc with abbiiiiiiiug smile on now some levels of Khushi I swear vereeee level only!!!!

Had to had toooo hit a heart away......

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaa singaaaaaaa singaaaaaaaaa whatttteeeee beauuuuty only I swear!!!!!!

This your face right now can't hide won't hide!!!!!!!

Ironic mornings!!!!!

 This major missing when you don’t wake up with a himcoming!!!!!

Like it reflects in your overall mood that one feeeeeeel of not having met him hits max!!!!

U feel off you look off that stage of mind getting ready for work into the kitchen for coffee straight.. at the kettle still that thing in mind if he does put a story of trailer out on WhatsApp too like he did for Instagram you might like it and he doesn’t post , it was that self lost talk mode you were on and your mom on call with her sister who has suddenly decided to be friends with her after all these years……and the second she mentions Versova on the call regarding something and that one feeeeeeeeeeel in you in the kitchen close your eyes and there he is amidst the smoke as the smoke starts to clear his face emerges through eyes high that lil smile on him him looking his gorgeousuuuuuuu best in that knit kinda sweatshirt the way the fabric hangs on his body the waaaaay his face looks that high and BEAUUUUUUUUUTOFUL at once…….

And immediaaaaately switch off the kettle head to the workout like you just HAD TO!!!!!!!

It was a straight up strength and dance session today missing the cardio cause you were in that rush and that feeeeeeeeeeel as you stretch the first stretch itself there he was on his couch as he drops you to live that beauuuuuuty of him the aaaaay he would adoooooooorably chuckle first looking at you sinking into the couch of his and the waaaaay he would lean over and come closer slowly frame by frame not ekdum se…….

That beauuuuuuuuty of him to live his details charlie how you used to loooooooooooooove it like more than first feeling him on your skin you loooooooooved how he felt right through the eyes too through your senses each n every sense in you living him away feeeeeeeeeling him away from a distance when he was just bout to come close like you looooooved those seconds before too…

It’s like you could sense him divingfff away inside of you without even touch of him as yet…it’s that feeeeeeeeel of becoming all him you lose that sense of yourself lose the sense of the surrounding sound any visual around and it’s just him and all HIM in that moment…

His eyes his smile his cheek his chin his forehead the way the strands of hair fall on his forehead as it goes messy the way his arms move hands almost reaching out to you his body just bout to fall over you it’s those seconds before and how you looooooooooooved trippin over him in those few seconds too…to that need to listen to his music from then random rab lace was for Skype too like concentric circles one…

U loooooooved getting high on him with this track playing in your headset him on the screen fooking his psy beedi away and the waaaaaaay he would tell you how I would love to scan your brains right now to know chalta kya tere dimaaaag mein right now when you watch me like this…

It’s always been him the source the feeeeeel the mode the love the life to getting high….. the waaaaaay it makes you come alive it’s that feeel charlie when you just knowwwwwww it’s this bas THIS IS It There is to it kinda feeeeeel everytime you lived him…

Today to feeeeeeeeel him with you from today and also as you close your eyes to live him the Versova one moving with you on his couch doing sometimes nothing but taking those swirls over sometimes falling off the couch him lifting you up and again doing the same his face closest to yours your hair over his face it’s that closeness and the waaaaaay he was loving living it away that way just chuckling away sometimes and sometimes just the stare…

that sense of belonging and knowing that’s where you belong…!

All it took today get this him highddddddddddd like right now too was the term Versova and how you missed it that baaaaaadly away!!!!!!

To seeing yourself post the him highhhd session face red hair wild and also one of those last few times you are seeing your hair like this……red or brown finallllly balayage colouring it also what has been on your mind lately!!!!!

This beauuuuuuty this looooooooove to get high on him like this…

Visuals!!!

 Trying to get in the sleep early these days just sooooo you can have the time in the mornings for the him feels workouts!!!!!!

Not sure what it was this disturbed sleep like you keep changing sides and couldn’t sleep and this one time you see the tv on suddenly the visuals blur and you see a bean bag there and the black shirt and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeel there he was!!!!!!!

Rush to him and see he was fast asleep the waaaaaaaaaaay he looks that gorgeous daaaadi on hair messy arms stretched out those lil snores and that neeeedd to eat him up I swear then and there…..and instead you just go closer to get a zoomed up vision of him and the waaaaaaay he takes a deep breath and then smiiiiiiiiles that smile after his pouty lips whispers away howliii…….u say something you don’t remember and the waaaaaaay he slowly moves and you fataaaak se take his face in your hands and the waaaaaaaaaaaay he just stays that way as you go closer to live his details away and he doesn’t move a bit with his face still in your hands…..he tilts a lil to the side and kisses your hand away still looking at your palm you go closer and chummi away every detail of his like you used to back then……..and the waaaaaaaay he chuckles away saying kidhar nai jaru mein tu apna time leke kar don’t rush but you just couldn’t there was that rush Iin you to make sure to kiss every detail of his and not miss out on any……to his lips just bout to and the way he whispers away Tera ho Gaya toh Mujhe bolna…….

And that very moment close your eyes cause the waaaay that moemnt felt like you’d lived pehle bhi just that this him was from today’s him open your eyes to see him again and that rush in him that transition in him the way his face changes that beauuuuuuuuuuuuutifully looking you in the eye with that wild wild face on tells you I missed you….

That very moment that level of excitement in you to just realise him saying that to you like you jump on him or something it was and you shake just bout to fall off the couch and you wake up…

That feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel in that moment that missing in that moment was MADNESS like you were that restless his details every lil detail of him rushing through you and tye waaaaaaaaay you’d missed him last night or early this morning it was just just madness I say!!!!!!! 

First thing workout and you get on YouTube for the playlist and first thing you check for is the trailer and it had been just 2 mins since it was uploaded ayyyaaaaaaaaaa that Khushi I swear vere level only totalllly!!!!!

Now that you know lil bout editing whattttttaaaaa crisp trailer it was like even for people who are not fans of the artist would want to know more about the story kinda beauty it was…….in your mind almost the first one to see kinda happiness to justvrealsising it has his hands on it’s his work ITS HIS WORK!!!!!!!!!!!

Like there were these somersaults happening liiiiiterally inside of you just realising being the first ones almost to see and to see his work!!!!!!!!

To finalllllt the feeeeeels the waaaaaaaays you feeel him over post cardio and stuff the waaaaaays you feeeeel him is just beyond!!!!!!

You were on your back doing some inversion and that feeeeeeeeel of him over you with eyes shut too was MAGIC!!!!!!!!!

That strong feeeeeeeeeeeel of him on your skin the waaaay it makes you move feel yourself away smiling away face turning red with that rush of him was pure magic!!!!!

Something’s you write now and this feeeeeeeeel now!!!!!!!

First time!!!!

 Andddd for the first time time ever the fear doesn't fear when hitting his story "legally"...

The last time you were a drink down and instead of wanting to see his picture you galti se view the story away.....

And today you just wanted to live that feeling of watching his story from your own account......again one of those very lil things but in your head it all just makes it better in some way after a VERY long time...

And it felt soooooooooo good strangely weirdly beautifully!!!!!!

Thuuu thuuuuu thuuuuuing away again...

To this another feeeeeel when you just can't just caaanttt wait for his yo yo doc with that one thing on mind it has his hands on it his mind on it his hours of focus love and dedication on it it's THAT big and yiu just can't wait so much so that you keep rechecking in the new section to see if the trailer is updated post 12am!!!!!

Him I tell you living him I tell you and LOVING him i tell you!!!!!

Every single time you get this excited bout his work this much it always takes you back to the balcony Him talking bout his passion and love for all things movies...

And you only end up loooooving him that bit more, every single time...!

Moments!!!!!!

 To live him ayyyaaaaaaa can't say it enough times what it means to you!!!!!!!!!

To wake upto his face to live him in the himcoming to feel him to see him smile move breathe talk chuckle away to just watch him move the waaaaaaaay he moved today can't say it enough of times what AND HOW much it means to you!!!!!!!

Be it the dream yesterday for obvious reasons can't write out and the way it has his priority sound as the background music to the same one this morning!!!!!!

Him breathing the rush in his breath him the God in black I swear like you can't think understand make sense beypoooond that one visual of him it's pure gorgeous highest level of beautiful madness I say!!!!!!

Like you wake up you had to rush for work and in between again change tracks and get in the rushed workout cause you just haaaadddddd to feel him on your skin again...

Can't be anything else but magic the waaaaaay you feeeeeeeel him with you move along with you on your skin.......that sense of him breathing over your shoulder n arms that one face of his from the dream the waaaay he was moving like the waves of the ocean ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa THAAAAAAAT one beauuuuuuuuuty he is in totality!!!!!!

The sound of him saying aisaaaaaaaa in his usual style like even now in the traffic jam you can still hear his voice saying it like you were that desperately restless to feel him that need to feeeelhim again rush up and get out of the house so had to post it now the waaaaaay right now you could hear the sound of his voice from the dream this morning.......it's like now he talks to you as he comes it's not just the whispers it's like talk talk kinda himcomings lately.......

Singaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you pure gorgeousness I swear!!!!!!!

If onlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Awed!!!!!!

 It’s that necessary for to be in awe of the one you are in love with…

In your case you were in awe of him even much before falling in love with him…

Right from the very start to even recently him editing in the black tee you are still or maybe more in awe of him!!!!!!

Like if you are not you lose that sense of being inspired fascinated amused by their existence and the whole point of loving someone is more bout how fascinated amused and inspired you are by their existence that also makes you love them on the whole and not just a side a part or a version of them…

And you be him walking talking smiling chuckling away playing with lucky playing with ringo moving loving you playing with you wrestling with you being mad at you or even just standing there being a bird raising his arms away looking up you have always been in awe of him…

In awe of his complete self of him no wonder even in moments like these like this close and intimate you sitting there adoring his existence away and the waaaaaaay he would just knowwwwwwww something’s in your mind and the way he would raise his eyebrows asking you what you thinking without saying a word……

This mind right now this high soooooooooooo high right now on him from that one visual !!!!!!

The way you just can’t think right now this beautifully blurred out right now!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa you gorgeous gorgeous lil big adoooooooorable thing!!!!!!!

How only if only!!!!!!!!

Him=LOOOOVE!!!!!!

 Those initial days of teaching at the school and you were working on your telgu those days to communicate better and that day at his place bringing the lunch dabbas from his kitchen to his room the first thing he asks you as you were placing the plates and dabbas serving him the lunch tho kitta telgu bolri seekhi kuch…..speak to me in telgu something and you say something and he speaks back in telgu saying baigan you know and stuff and after lunch searching for something to watch on his laptop you getting the water he asks you to say something in telgu again you do say something and the waaaaay him still looking at the laptop asks you to say something again coming a lil closer to him and you go closer to his leg on his side of the bed and say something in telgu daaaaamn can’t remember what it was the waaaay he puts the laptop aside and in ishaara asks you to come over his lap and you do asks you to say again and as you were saying something holds your lip with his hand asks you why does your lip do this while saying another language even back then you used to do this with your lip saying beautiful your way……and laughs away saying meri stops and then continues telgu mein accent marti and still holding your lip looks you and asks you to say it again…….it’s that whole of him in tat moemnt like he was going back in time you were shocked on the inside how did he manage to remember that tiniest detail bout how your lip moves saying a specific word after all that while and distance…like on the outside you do your best to not react cause he wouldn’t share it then seeing your excitement over it……the waaaaaaay he brings his face closer holds you closer and looks you in the eye raising his eyebrow asking what’s up say again that very moment charlie I swear it’s like there are these snapshots of him from moments like these this clear in your eyes like even right now as you write close your eyes for a bit the waaaaaaaaaay he is right there in that very space you on him his face that closest to you looking you in the eye giving you the feeeeels away…..

It’s the way he stops from saying meri gf smiles away knowing you did get what he was bout to say and also why he stopped and then anyway continues the line away bout your accent…..asks you to say Nacharam again chal dekhe if you say it correctly now cause he did try teaching you how to say it right the earlier meet……and that close to him his face that close to yours you say it and the waaaaay he just looks at your lips moving his tiniest lil facial expression charlie I swear it’s like lil beauuuuuuuutiful framework of an art like one frame after the other moves it’s one detail after the other his features move like first it’s the waaaaaay his eyes change that sparkle that almost high stare in his eyes to the way he blinks to next the way he would hold his lip tilt his face a lil that lil beautiful shake in his shoulder like one frame one feature after the other to the way his hands the way they move over you the way he would keep going back n forth with his face like come a lil closer and then move away and then just watch you get restless over it and smiiiiiile that smile of his……

This mind right now the more you write and relive him from then!!!!   

THIS MIND RIGHTTTTTTT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Visuals!!!!!

 This magic of some sounds!!!!!

Writing one moment of his Dd space playing this mixed two feet playlist away and out of all the tracks comes this one famous lost words…

The THE drive track in his vento back then to you have NO absolute idea cause you don’t even remember seeing the road ahead or beside JUST HIM all him is all you remember from that evening…….

This THIS Feeeeeeeeeeel now this sudden state of you now with instant goosebumps all over as you heard thus after long and the waaaaaay it’s bringing back moments visuals from that drive!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Connecting reality…!

 Heard a thing bout connecting flights?! Lately you’ve been living away connecting reality kinda himcomings!!!!!!

Last night in middle of watching black doves to passing out to waking up to this beauuuuuuuuty of him!!!!!!!

He was just on the bed in a deep burgundy shirt and chaddis looking his beauuuuuuuuutoful best just that gorgeousness or him the visual still this clear scrolling over the phone or something and he asks you to say something in telgu and you say something not sure what but the waaaaaaay he starts to chuckle over it holding his stomach and laughing away literally and you run to him over him and sit over him…and the way he throws literally the phone aside and as you ask complain bout him laughing at you and stops you and asks you to repeat the thing in telgu again as you say something a line or something the waaaaay he kisses you away in the middle of you talking…moves a lil away and says it again asks you to repeat it and you do again does the same thing stops moves a lil away and the waaaaaaaaay this time he looks like his expression his complete face that look on him his eyes his complete face charlie BEAUUUUUTIFUL and this time you chummi eat his face away and in between he holds your hair pulls it a lil just like he used to and you wake up……few strands of hair under your own arm as you change side and that feeeeeeeeeeeeel to go see yourself and your face was red it had that him glow cause it always used to be like this your face your skin transforming away post him kissing you away that way!!!!!!

And your face had that same glow same redness and that feeeeeeeeel of his hands in your hair that one visual of him being that close to your face that color on him his eyes his smile his chin cheek forehead his nose your heart right there ayyyaaaaaaaa the scent of him like reliving the moment away this one feeeeeeeeeeel!!!!!!

U wake up and that high on him watching the series blindly cause you straight away land into a moemnt exactly similar to this one at his Dd space…

That striking of realisation was a downer making you realise how long it’s been and how baaaaaaaaaaad you miss him away……

Today another moemnt when somebody comments over your telgu in the apartment lobby and laughing over the accent you smiling away cause it was all connecting away to all things him yet again…..

There are things that alrandom but the kinda happiness they can give you is beyoooond logics I say!!!!!!

Himcomings!!!!!!

 Moments like these ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa this happy face this happpy heart this happppppppy skin this happpppppiest soul you wake up just by him coming!!!!!

Another one of those times when wishing away this moemnt for real like from being wine high passing out waking up now to that feeeeeeel of him and finishing the glass now with this slow hazyyyyy himhighdddd state of mind now…..

Just cause your mind refuses to be fully awake and slip into this reality as of now…..like in your head you again reliving that feeeeel of him on your pillow still living every detail of his away…….

This mind this face now you are just just happyyyyy!!!!!

But that realisation sinking in of making that faaakkkity mistake of clicking his story away and hoping wishing praying doesn’t irritate him enough for him to!!!!!!!!

For nowwwww this happpppy himhighdddd just cause the waaaaay he just came…

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

I swear charlie if he only had the slightest of idea how much he is loooooved missed and adoooooored!!!!!!

Every single time to live him like this this feeeeeeereeel it overloads the insides of you away with!!!!!!

This instant buzzzzzzzz of happiness like you just can’t stop smiling now akele akele with this off the ground wali feeeel rushing throug you right now!!!!!!

Onedinkdown!!!!!

 Isniiiir it funny how shddenky you become much bolderrrrr and stronger one dinkedown!!!!!!

Like the fqar hits you hitting play on his story but itstilllllhasnt sunkeneee in yet!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaeeeeee singaaaaaaaaaaaa hiwwwwwwwe only you are bejnffffff edibilyyyyy missed away now abijeeeee ke abijeeeeeee

Ohshitoffuck!!!!!

 Exaaaaclryyeeee 1.5 wine glass down and you have your epicfccccccc ohshitoffuckohshitoffuck moment already!!!!!

Habits I swear you click to see him from.upckose for his picture and the story plays now this huggeeeeeegeggeeeee feaf if he blocks you back again!!!!!!!

This one loveeeeee routine u got used to and now the himhhigheeeeee goes almost down realising what maaaakieeeee moment yovev just had!!!!!!!!!

Why doooo u why woydokeeeeee u!!!!!!!!

Jowheeeeee do you even!!!!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaaaaaa teraaaaaaa yahhhhbuzzzzzz!!!!!!!

Faaaaaaaaaackityyyyy fackkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!

This oneeeee highddddd out feeeeeer now!!!!!!!!

Himhiiiiighd!!!!!!

 This beauuuuuuty of some mornings you wake up with and even with no himcoming that moooood snoozing the alarm away still on bed to just live him away on WhatsApp and have a sleep talk literally just watching him there…….and still talking to him you actually sleep for a bit as it was a very very late night working and writing him……

And that feeeeeeel even after waking up from that 5-10 mins nap no himcoming but still that hiiiigh on him……getting ready for work as had to be at work early for some appointments and mid way the new househelo kranthi is a die hard romantic with her ringtones like every other day there’s another romantic track ringing…..today there was this Telugu track but the initia sound of it pulls you away to all things him with this another track you had found months back……some movie your mom was watching and this track plays and you were in another room the vibe of the track and the line kanulo ni roopame eyes with your beauty is all you could understand to here and there words with bhaasha and stuff…..but that line stayed with you!!!!!

It’s strangely the whole vibe of the track takes you always back to these two moemnts him leaving for Bangalore in his room with just you and him and the Holi day with him again……

The waaaaaaaaay packing his clothes he would still keep coming around you and hold you by your waist just stay for a bit and get back to his packing laptop stuff…..and still checking his other shirts asking him to take that too instead of this and he would again come hold you stay on your shoulder and keep saying nai hora merse kya kare like you literally had to push him to pack his stuff……that one feeeeeel the way he keeps taking you to the mirror side of his room and just hold you and see your reflection with him like he was saving that visual away with him for the days he was going to be away for…

Like he does that multiple times just standing there holding you and seeing you with him the same on Holi too…..like this track is all bout those moments with him that beauuuuuty of him and everytime you listen to this it’s that visual of him with you the restless missing sound of his voice as he keeps whispering away in your ears……

Like you just couldn’t get ready and instead switch to working out like you just had to…….to this other his track of tabu and ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa this beauuuuuuty of living him feeeeeeling him away with his music….

Post workout loving every bit of the him yo yo singaaaaaaa to that most loved moments himversions…

How dooooo you even feeeeeeeeeel him away like this as you move as you stretch that sense of him that onenvisual on loop against his bathroom wall him holding you and stopping in between the chummi as you open your eyes him right there with his face a lil away and just watching you and that weirdly beauuuuutiful feeeeel from wanting more of him in his chummi to being watched by him you asking more…..to the way after a few chuckles of his the waaaaaay he would come close his forehead over yours and just look you in the eye with that one smiiiiiiiiile of his and slow whisper karely kya horaaaa……even writing now that echo of his voice saying it right now!!!!!!!

This was his one of his habits he would do and today as you move stretching with your head down all you could feeeel live was his face his forehead his skin his smile his lashes touching yours away……like this one moment on loop and that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of him the way it was moving you making you touch your own face neck arms away cause that’s how strongly you feeeeeeel him through n through!!!!!!

It was magical almsot!!!!!!!

Something’s you live and now write and it’s like playing all over again!!!!!!!!!!

The waaaaaaaay it all makes you re realise why it’s always been him, this beauty of becoming someone’s, this beauty of eventually becoming someone you Love…!

Visuals!!!!

 To from there when mom asks for winter veggies from what he used to call back then chindi colony and she gets down and stay back in the car play his drive song away like that was your recent most fav one just the waaaay it somehow just felt special for reasons not known…

And the waaay it all syncs that beautiful with the mood with the him vibe you were trippin away on the rear view with flashes of light back n forth in swoop motions like a film of life playing in the lights mode it just felt that beautiful with his music cause tear views too are that special….him on drives with his sister in front and you at his back seat he would have those wordless conversations wit you through the rear view and sometimes hold your leg away hand away feet away from the sides……

Tooooo many feeeeels toooooooo maaaannnnyyyyyy!!!!!

This heart this mind was that fulllll and the way by the time you reach home the missing also gets that beautifully worse……

To even writing it out now it all hits back again and howwwww!!!!!!

To the first story he posts on WhatsApp status for the first time and you just only don’t have the guts in any of your balls to hit a play on it…..cause I swear charlie how much you’ve missed him around like this to just be able to live him like this and you didn’t want to ruin this by upsetting him away over it!!!!!

Some Khushi’s I swear that special that sacred almost tooo way toooo precious!!!!!

Moments from yesterday your lil precious lil lkhushis of him…!

Moments!!!!

 Just bout done with the ice team and bout to leave and there was this couple on the opp side of the road your window side auto waiting the guy with the backpack and luggage and the girl standing and just before betting in the auto she holds the guy one more time and the guy leaves…..

That one straight flash back to him leaving for Bangalore like the visual the moemnt holds you that you ask the driver to stay for a bit and not move the car as yet…

Close your eyes standing in his lawn him just bout close to sonis car as he was taking that with driver along for dropping at the station…and you standing with his family everybody else waving and saying stuff there he was just standing there looking at you looking you in the eye and that one smile on him the waaaaay he just stays that way chachi asking him what it was bout his sister asking him and he just nods away and you alone know what and how he was feeling away in that moment…like you remember so well having goosebumps all over just by the way he smiles and nods away just before getting into the car…

In his sisters room and you just couldn’t hold it in and cry out like literally cry it out and she holds you tries to calm you down saying he will be back soon it’s just weeks 1-2 week something’s you write and this feeeeeeeel!!!!

And you just hold her and cry out and the way she says she didn’t know you loved him so much like you already had fever on by then…like something that big part of you suddenly missing in you like that strongly and before it heads your mind to make sense of it your body already couldn’t…

Yesterday to see that couple to relive that stare with him to see him visually love you that much like you could just see it all over on him to that feeeeeel of sharing that lil wordless conversation wit him which just you and him get it…

From there ro that need to just see THE Rani gunj baba temple also the start of it all…

As you be there that one feeeeeeel every single time even from far his car right there him standing out for you you wearing chappals coming out of the temple and stand there to see him him in his white shirt his legs crossed as he used to waiting for you and the way he looks at you you stop right there not a step the waaaaaay his stare used to hold all of you away like you can’t move blink nothing at all like being held by him even without touching a bit……

To finally getting in and the vibudhi moemnt his forehead his hair his eyes closed him holding his hair back and you just stay that way living adoooooring him away that beauuuuuty of faaaaaalllllllling in love with all of him every bit of him and still not yet knowing it away!!!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!

Himhigh!!!!!

 Yesterday when there there was this him zone you’ve been in lately like literally on a flight mode flying high kinda zone…..

No matter how much the work gets hectic handling staff of 19 -20 people with that much nuisance sometimes to deal with the new staff too now it’s been all messy…like having changed the staff to being unsure of the new ones and the work getting delayed managing sales plus new designs like it’s all been all at once together to handle…

And then there that’ himzone that you keep hiding away sneaking away into and that feeeeeel every single time like you ktterally cover your ears go out in the terrace find your spot and just stay there with his music like people have smoke breaks you have him breaks at work…

And that new person you literally walk back to the studio from that break with a smile on yesterday too once there sunroof out playing his lucky ali away and that zone of himtripping on like your mom knows now if it’s lucky ali not a word of any discussion in between….and you see the ice cream bandi stop by for his chocobar and that feeeeel of becoming him and loving every bit of it away…when you take the wallet out see his picture again and that one feeeeeel like it hits different specially in any of his places you take ur out in and you just pause away live him without paying the ice cream guy and live that beauuuuuty of him away for a bit…

The way it was all lit that beauuutifully chill in the air lucky ali singing him rushing through you max possible and that feeeeeel of just living him from there on WhatsApp some moments nai are just pure bliss even with not much at all but to you alone it means the world away…

Settling in!!!!!

 Ahhhhh this time of the nights this looooove for the chill in the air and the smell of all him in the air as you breathe…..

Like you were just that happy to see his work coming soon stay for a bit in the balcony with a huge smile on something’s nai that level of sudden something they fill you up with is just beauuuuuuuty to another level……

To now settling into write the yesterday lights out socks on and notice the new sock on so put back the lights on cause they were the dinosaur socks like you just had to today cause dinosaurs are now the symbol of your missing him like that’s how much the missing is by now……

Dinosauraous missing I say!!!!!

Soooo yaaahhhhhh yesterday dealing with too much work nonsense by the end of the day your mind just wanted to hide away for a bit into all things him and that’s when your mom calls you asking if can head out for some fruits and stuff…pick her up and straight away to necklace road it had to be……

Like you find immediate peace when there that feeeeeeeeelof him every single time when there looking up at the trees like you still feel him over your neck……him driving and as you just bout being your head out to check the trees the waaaaay he takes the car closer to the tree and you a lil more out of the window and the waaaaaay he would hold onto the end of your kurta or whatever that you are wearing and just watch you….like this one time you feel the pull on your kurta and just watch him the car was that slow and the waaaaaaaaay he was looking at you with that huge smiiiiiiile on…….and that very second that feeeeeeel in you what were you even doing watching the trees when HE was there before you and you get back in and just watch him and the waaaaaaaay he chuckles over it in ishaara asking what’s up cause by then he gets all conscious you staring him away ayyyaaaaaaaaa even as you write now and relive that one expression of his he truly truly entirely was your heart I swear this feeeeeeel now!!!!!!

Every single time he used to make that face he was your complete heart that one face that one expression of his and the more you write and relive now ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa that one fellow I swear!!!!!!!

Singaaaaaa!!!!!!

 Yooo yooooo singaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

It will fiiiiiinally be out on 20th December this feeeeeel this level of excitement for his work more than you’d ever felt for yours even!!!!!!

Like the second you’d seen it this evening this level of excitement like all evening you were waiting to get back home just so you could see the trailer cut of it…

His hands HIS hands on it charlie like always this one looooooove for his work too like hours of late night edit cause you remember him telling you that back then gora he was working on that he mostly sits on the edits late at night…..hours of phooking his psy beedi away his hands on his work ayyyaaaaa the whole imagination I say like every thing like this bout him comes with that visual with that poster in mind I say!!!!!!!

Yo yooooooo sing miyaaaAa how only you are being missed away!!!!!!!

When he calls it edit magic if only he had the idea of the kinda of magic happening away with you to do with all things him!!!!!!!

Nope!!!!!!

From a evening with himtripping max to a morning with a himcoming but you couldnt enjoy it after waking up with havinf to deal with another staff related thing and in your head this one feeeeeeeeeeel of loud annoying scream ok I don't wanna do this anymore or for today atleast don't wanna deal with another responsibility for now atleast.....

Like you are liuiiiiiiterally taking walks inside the house on the phone dealing with it and in your head it's like nope not me not me I quit from this post kinda feeeeeel today of the morning...

And that one time you had to share a document thing and instead you just stay there living him away and ayyyaaaaaaaaaa this one wooooooooooosh bolke calm and dose of happiness instant fataaaak happiness it leaves you with is beypoooond logics I say...

Like that same feeeeeel you used to get sitting in his car and the first thing while sitting in on getting in his car to look at him and ayyyaaaaaaaa that one face every single time that one smiiiiiiiiile on him and there was that your instantvrush of happiness right there on his face I swear!!!!!!

That one fellow that one face I swear chalta firta dose of happyyyyy hiiiiiiiigh viiiiiibes!!!!!!!

Allll things adoooooorable all things sqyishaaaable all things edibile and howwwwwweee3ee!!!!!!!!

Singaaa!!!!!

 This time of the night post a over long exhausting day mix of everything to ending it with THAT MUCH him to this hour feet up on the chilled bare floor lights out his fink music playinf eyes almost shutting and to live him!!!!!

To just be on WhatsApp zooooooom him in and just live him away as if though his face righr there before you so much so that any closer and you just might chummi eat him up away!!!!!!!’

With this hope maybe tonight he again comes in that version of him…

To just live him his details the way this time of the night brings back those nights on the call on the terrace him in his micro sexy chaddis lookikg his gorgeous best with that sleeeeep tone in his voice too…

This time around every year that sense of himmagic in the air like you can just smell it…

Specially post an evening like today just had to be in one of his place todays place of choice necklace road…….

The memories the versions of him lived in those gallis around necklace road to rani gunj……

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only why only what only!!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa how only till what level you were missed again today too!!!!!!!!!

Photograph!!!!!

 Ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaa this heart can never grow used to living and not stay amused by HIM!!!!!!!

Evry single time you live him and the way everything elze stops pauses around and that beauuuuuuuuuuty of just him being him and this heart of yours every single time that one fataaaaaak mush deep diving in vibe evey single time i say!!!!!!!!

How much you missed this and how much you loooooooooooooooove moments like these be it then living his details looooving his details for real to out of nowhere moments lile these when you had to reply to some work text but its instead him always first and then the rest of everything else goes blur!!!!!!!!!!

Whattteeeeeee beauuuuuuty sing miyaaaaaaaaa his that one lip style and how you loooooooooooved it back then too!!!!!!!

Some pictures nai basssssss thats it…!

Thats all there is to it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poooooooooooora ka poooooooooooooooora top to toe front back everything and anything, BARE HEART of your life!!!!!!!!!

Mornings!!!!!!

 This one feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of missing out on living him when he doesn’t come and then there’s these moments ever since waking up that he is all around you……dilkush on table some neighbour gets it some mention bout chetana opposite neighbour mom making chikudkayi for lunch like it’s all there and more of everything him……and from getting ready for work to sudden switch to getting in the short workout just cause there was that strong urge and need to feeeeeeel him away!!!!!!!

There’s this beauuuuuuuty every single time when you feeeeeeeel him this way like there’s SOOOOO Much touch and sound of him that you feeeel it that strongly as you move dance or stretch how you still donno but that much him the waaaaaaay you feel him over is beyond magic……to this one song from playlist plays and the very visual of him in Dd house in his room watching lord of rings on his laptop laying beside him……and when him on movie mode you really can’t disturb or divert him but your mind all him and this one time you look at him moving a lil away and that beauuuuuuuuuty of him him watching it that seriously without even a side eye at you……ayyyaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaay your heart feeeels away in that moment like that strong need to eat him awaaaay hold him squish him away and you can’t and that very second he looks at you and raises his eyebrow asking what’s up and you nod away saying nothing still watching him and he does it again and in ishaara you point your face towards him and the waaaaaaaaaaay he smiles away saying chal picture dekh and you nod saying a nod and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he leans over a lil chummis you and then again says it ab picture dekh and you nod again and that chuckle of his just bout to chummi you again and you stay on his lip and start talking complaining rather mein picture dekhne nai aye cause it had been a month just a MONTH having seen him and the waaaaaaaay you still complaining he chummi eats your face away and as he does the way he that adoooooooooooorably like back then used to say aisaaaa!!!!!!

It’s that rushhhhhhh of him his sound of voice him saying certain words him moving him blinking him smiling him nodding him chuckling away ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the waaaaaaaaaaay you looooooooooved living away every detail of his……like as you move post workout that one feeeeeeeeelnof him through those visuals from that moemnt was like actual mein living those moments with him today on the mat…..

Like you spend your evenings mostky working and watching his chuckle video with ringo his sound of voice and that him editing video recently…..

Having lived him looooooooved him that way focusing on something and like that used to be your ultimate fav time cause then all that him is yours to live loooove and adooooore away every detail of his……

Some moments and this state of mind now be it living him on the mat from back then in his room to now reliving it all away this rushhhhhhhhhhhhhh today!!!!!!

Like the missing the neeeding the feeeeeeeling this beauuuuuuutifully worse now…

Some days you just donnoooooo how to have a normal practical face on out!!!!

When there’s THIS much going on in the inside right now……!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ayyyaaaaaaaaaa teraaaaaa buzzzzzzzz buzzzzzzzzzzzzdddddddd n howwwweeeeeee I sayyyyyyy!!!!!!!

I swear charlie if only he had the chinniiiiiiessssst idea!!!!!!!! 

Somethings!!!!

 The joy of somethings no matter how many times you live it is unmeasured!!!!!!

Like you cant just be oh so normal bout it!!!!!!!

His face on your whatsapp pinned above all ahhhhhhh whattttteeeeeeeeee beautyyyyy i swear i saaay!!!!!

Watching some weird twisted action first on recomm boney movie randomly played as you are still working and gintonicking your way through it and the very first thing that pops ok screen is this…

The MOST loooooooooooooved year of your life yet… 

2009

And that need to just like that live this wild wild beauty away and every single time this one feeeeeeeeeel of overloaded mush in your heart every single time you see him……….

This lil overjoyed overhimhiiiiiighd overlooooooved heart of yours…!

Opera!!!!!!!

 Not sure if it’s too much missing or it actually was a himcoming and not just your mind himtripping away!!!!!!!

Like you open your eyes and see it’s still night out and looking to the left it was like in middle of nowhere and his voice the sound of him saying should’ve got chips along nai and look to your right there he was ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa THERE HE WAS!!!!!!!!

In a heart of yours shirt THE BLACK shirt!!!!!!

Looking down in some bag for something to eat and you just live that beauuuuuuuty of him still saying something but it’s that feeeeeel when you are toooooooo deeeeep into a visual thing you lose sense of the sound cause that’s how much you are soaking away the visual it was the same exact vibe……him from today though lil lil daaaadi hair still messy short shirt his style wide open the way he was doing the kid talk pouting his lips away………some music playing the guitar strings and strings and howwweeeeeeee!!!!!!

Hold his face and go to his side of the car over him and him screaming areeee mera bag hai neeche lemme put aside first and you just couldn’t the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he looks in that moment shocked and still smiling his happiest smile awaaaaay……..hold his hand away as he tries to hold you and just do it his way lean over him more to chummi him and then just don’t and a lil away and u the waaaaaaaaaaay he smiiiiiles away that beauuuuuuuutifully slowly whispering away still pouting his lips aisaaaaa mera style copy karti and you just nod cause you couldn’t say a word beyond him to just live him every detail of him that waaaaaaay YOUR HEART AND LIFE right there I say!!!!!!!!!

As you go closer the waaaaaaaaay he stops smiling and looks even more beauuuutiful and you finally tell him kitaaa wait Kari to say this again you are beautiful and the waaaaaay he chuckles away saying say it again say it your way and the way it sounds that familiar the way he says it the tone of his voice asking you to say it again your way and you do, take 2 tell him again you are beauuuuuutiful and the waaaaaaaaaaaay even in the middle of finishing the word beauuuutiful he kisses you away……..the waaaaaaaaaaaay he does even as you write now was like literally taking you off and away closest to him like literally pulling closer by the chummi!!!!!!!!!!

It’s that feeeeeeeeeeeeeeel of deeeep diving away into him kinda feeeeeeeel and you wake up head in the pillow!!!!!!

His eyes his smile his nod his lips his entire being in that visual in that moment the way all of him to every bit of him the waaaay he moves the sound of his voice even as you write now GORGEOUS MADNESS I say!!!!!!!

It’s the waaaaaaaay it brings the actual you alive and HOWWWEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Had to had to feeel him more get in the workout dancing max moving max finding this new gorgeous music that elevates the whole himtrip experience this morning!!!!!!

The place looked like same opera back then but the him was from the now……..the whole moment experience of living him was the now you this missing him version of you the more you write and relive him from that moment ayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaa said it before can say it over a zillion times more love him LOOOOOOOOVE every bit of him!!!!!!!!!!!

Even the sound of his chuckle ayyyaaaaaaaaaa the way it makes you happiest even him looking in the bag for food and complaining bout carrying chips or something to eat that kid tone of his voice pure LOOOOOOOVE I say!!!!!!!

Sing miyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa another day another morning another missing like this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he only had the sliiiiiiiightest idea I swear!!!!!!!

This you today refusing to tame down tone down like even the music the dance the vibe of today to the moves along with him today post workout has been one gorgeous madness I say!!!!!!!