Beautiful coincidence

 The most beauuuutiful co incidence of the recent times!!!!!!

Landing in one of His places on a Sunday...

His place becomes your happy place now!!

 

the incident!!

 Soooo yah the incident the manager messages them away asking them to take the post down and it gets sorted..

To experience the incident was like an eye opener for the love you'd no clue bout from the clients point of view...

Never before did you ever have a talk witb the stylist and yet she did inform you bout someone shed worked with just cause of the love for your designs.....it's thungs like these that makes it all worth while cause you didn't know this this side of the work bit.....

It was your first !!!!

From that firat to getting vaccinated finally and then to be down with fever for past 2 days was when your old love for scary fever dream happens after a long time....

As a kid it was scary even growing up too, but it was his presence that feeeling of being held by him even whilst dreaming that giants around fever dream was smthing that made you love them..... strangely!!!!

It's alwasy been there big giants like people walking around biggest of everytung around faces zoomed in that close that they scare you it's weird sounds simple as you write out now but to live these dreams in that fever state was smthing else.....

And ever since him there's that sense of him his presence that you'd fekt always with these dreams as n when you were down with fever....only this time for the first time there was no him...

Maybe you know why!!

But who hota nai charlie you actually hope for it soon as you sense the fever the shiver that feeeeeeeling ab aaata innee even if it be for the dreams sake but that longing strange wait was still there as crazy as this sounds writing it out now...but doesnt happen!!

Smthings nai weird !!!!!!

To this moemnts now as you watch modern family the way He somehow did end up in the lilst of your moments through the day.....even after leaving!!

This is exactly what that can never make any sense!!!!!!

work high!

 Lil did you ever think you would feel this way too bout your work!

U sure never thought you would get into thus line and now that you are you sure love it but it's that perspective part of any work charlie to just think of your work this way too from another person's point of view was smthing you'd experienced for the first time prolly last week.....

When some stylist a client and an unknown person who just follows your business page inform you bout this page brand with apeksha whod copied your signature mirror anarkali and posted it as customized for client....where the stylist herself had styled for the brand with some popular tollywood actors and also mentions bout not mentioning her name for the same that she'd informed you....and another follower just talks bout how she loves your designs and dreams to own one someday when she can manage to get one any anarkali from your collection....

It's that feeling charlie all this hard work crazy work hours skipping lunches away brealfast away just to get the work done on time and as per schedule pays off like this..

It's that selfless love and words of appreciation that you did come across for the first time with this incident when the client who owns this design of yours mentions bout the love for your collection....it was a beautiful high and on the very same day when you were bout to sign the lease deed for the expansion of the studio......

Mind just happy for having managed to reach where you are now...it's that feeling every single time charlie it just doesn't make your heart feel that sense of completeness the way you did with Him...when you had nothing else but just Him and his love for you!!

Sooo yah just dexide to treat yourself with smthing you love second most after him, fragrance.....out to buy smthing and notice your same Carolina classic 212 after decade get that fataak se and just bout to step out and that familiar scent almost the same as his on your birthday back then after bup he had a similar fragrance on and that pull to smell it again...

Go to the counter and it was of Hermes twilly but the beauuuty of it being the packaging had star sum and moon with most importantly C written all across the package.....

It's that thing charlie smthing just hits you that beautifully in some moments like falls that beauutifully insync and you just go with it.....

On your way back home stil wondering the beauty of love, you can own things change things for yourself and people around get better at living but Love is smthing that's just beyond you.....you can't do anything bout it , it just is either there or not, you can't make someone love you want you still want to be with you in life.....it either just happenes or doesn't!!

And the void that it leaves behind is smthing that cannot be filled even with the best of things in the world!

That void is smthing else no matter what you do, it just is what it is doesn't budge a bit!

Sunset!

 Evenings like these!

Necklace road, some places every single time...

Sound...

 from that sound of his voice to that one moment when he looks you in te eye just plays on loop and the more you write now the more you feel that moment feel him from the moment...

mind i tell you just doesnt learn or listen to that outer reality thats playing..... its like its in its own lil wonderland still wandering around reliving the moments places person you belong the most at... 

kittaaa bhi try karlo bas nai hotaa har baaar with every block you decide this time bas iske baad nai hota you will just let him be let go of it all just change the way you are change how you feel how you think you know just leave it there and let him be.... not feel a thing not think a thing and stick with the way it made you feel how bad it hurt you again and this time stick with it.....

but har baaar whoi charlie there are things you can do smthing bout which is in your control and this one thing bout your life bout you shuroo see is never been upto you... when it comes to Him!

donno why how or what it is, but ye mere bas ka nai hai.... it just is not upto you !!

kyaaa ho jaaata ki nai maloom the second you decide to take that step away from him and the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay he comes the very same day and till you correct tha wrong that one vibe of the dream remains the same over n oever again till you correct it.... if its bout him wantig to keep away keep you away why do you get these dreams bout him pulling you back asking you to stay asking you to hold him asking you to just be there its that feeeling charlie that you cant fight or ignore....

and shuroo se bout him its always been bout that flow the way it makes you go with it like you cant do anythng bout it..... even writing your state of mind from this morniing you sure sound like one mess.... hoping if you write the confusion out it will sort your mind out in the process of doing so!!

but the more you write now mention him now and this himmmmmmm with ever blink how do you unfeel sthing how do you unsee smthing !!!!!!!!

soooooo yahhhh from that moment to seeing chikudkayi at home and the him again on plate this time that meet chikudkayi with him where the sec he spots it in the dabba pushes it towards you ad tells you main nai khata tu he khaa and takes the other dal instead..... and you still looking at the dabba making the face and that adoooooorably asks you tu bhii nai khaati isku and you nod sayin a no and adds his bit of daal into it and feeds you that one bite and i swear charlie chikudkayi never tasted felt the same....

ever since  then it still is your most loved one nt because of the horid taste it tstll tastes like bt cause the waaaaaaaay it brings Him along !!!!!!!!

every single time !!!!

to that moment when working out and this new love for techno while working out andyooy just play some random playlist and this one track like it just screamed out that feeeeeel from the mornin in that one line.....and that feeeeeeeling dhadaaam bolkeee of all the things of all the tracks it had to be this one....

music sound can make you feel a gazillion of things takes you to the zillion n more places makes you allows you relive the most longed feeeels in just a beat.... with just that one humm of a sound!!

this mind today all day today and even more now as you wrte it just feeeeeeeling this beautifully weird.....

very weird !!!!!!!!!!!!!

how do you stop your mind from playing that oe visual one most loved visual of your life on loop !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not easy!!

 some moments are just bigger andmuch stronger than you or any logic that can be tagged to it!!

its just beyond you...

like its not just that moment that it was for its the living the moment its bout living the presence th way he comes shakes you up wakes you up to make you live his presence t omake you live that love of his its like he was there to make you feel him live him live his presence lik to make you realize his love knowing you missed him that bad the day before its the vibe of some moments charlie like its not jus bout that moment lived but the waaaay he just comes that very day.....

from that moment to just go by with your day at work wher eyou couldnt just couldnt go on with it and come back home and just be with his music.....

its not easy charlie its prolly also why you stay away from that you that side of loving him that side of living him reliving him and the moments.....cause it just is not easy....to relive and then again to go with the present reality and just be normal again it definitely is not easy.......!

even writing it now writin your state of mind and the way moments like these leave you with even as you write now this one blaaaank feeel cause you just donnoooo how to define the way it leaves you with.....

how can you still feel it this strongly when its not the ame anymore.....

through the chnages drastic ones how do you still live the same him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moments!

 its that beautiful dilemma of some moments when you dont cant writ and yt that need to just write it out !!

that thing bout memories moments and some feels when you almost forget what it even felt like and then out of nowhere when you werent even thinking bout it intentionally never let it cross your mind cause you know when that side awakens it just messes you up even more!

this morning Him having felt him lived him that way the very start of the day and you were the most beautiful version of the wrd lost you possibly could!!!

where it was a working day cause of the interior work and the mind just not with you still lost in that moment from this morning... kabhi lagta charlie when you dont wanna relive that side of love that part of loving someone and then this happens.....not sure if its meant to mke you more happy make you come alive breathe back the life into you or just leave you in a beautiful mess of that beauty of the moment...living him smelling him away from tht close and then to wakeup to this reality live the day away with this reality it just gets that beautifully worse.....

to live that line of a dream between the dream and the reality to just understand and go with the difference....is another you!!!!!!

that second that one feel soon as you open your eyes and try n look for him again cause you could still smell him around you that close to you and not find him to that state of confusion cause you could still feel him his presence and that sense of what it was or whats this what did just happen....like from that state to coming to sense of the reality and landing bck to the reality.....it just leaves you more messy!!!

messiest in th head....

the day today flashes of him to those snifs through the day recalling his smell reliving the moment and also trying no to struggling not to relive recall the moment.....

its when you have no control over your mind its the waaaaay it can leave you with !!!!!!

whoi feeeling charlie when you live that you that side of you after the longest time and donno what to do with it or not sure how to get back to normalcy like not think bout it bout him.....those flashes of him from that close his eyes his that one very hmm smile in moments just before moments his that same way of looking you in the eye with that one smile of his just seconds before the moment to the waaaay it all srts to disappear all around and just him is all you could seeee that same way that same feeeel the waaaay t keeps playing onloop even as you write now.....

this feeeeeeeeeeeling again now as you write it out this feeeeeeeling right now !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If!!

 Kabhi lagta charlie!!!!!!

Moments like these sitting there today with strong feeeeeel as if he was with you there that one strong feeeeling of his love for you there how why donno but the waaaaaay it felt today in that moment.....

It had you thinking cause a place like that a day like that a music like that and a Him like that it all just flows thoughts feelings anything at all it just flows....

Like mind living a trip of its own that beautifully lost.... his dream almost every morning now moments like these and when in that very moment you feel him with you that strongly feel his love for you that strongly that one feel knowing for sure he loves you..also has you feeling thinking if you were younger things would've been different?

He would've been different with you respected your presence your love more? Would've accepted you more these blocks wouldn't be there maybe this hesitation unsurity wouldn't be there maybe....this need to keep you away maybe wouldn't have been there....

Who hota nai charlie it just makes you wonder if you still feel this much love what could you possibly have done wrong how it could've been better what couldve made him stay back want you your presence acceptance in his life....

Validating your presence maybe that would've existed kabhi bhot zorse lagta charlie when blocking you away fataak se hurt hota kaiku kya Kari aisa why you and you step away and the very sec it all changes dreams moments that one strong pull pulling you back it's like a wrong that you shouldn't have but phir wahi why be there when you are least wanted or expected to be....then there are these moments that make you feel otherwise the complete stark opposite to this reality...

Today being there that one wish with a love like that one smthing should've just worked in your favour may be magic made you younger! Mind i tell you can make the maddest of wishes when missing high! Today those few mins there was all n more about this....

Being young younger makes you respect people? Makes you accept love accept them appreciate them more!? 

Love can be this too??

And not just love like wouldn't you want to just be loved accepted for your love love your presence.....mind was in the most beautifully weird of States....and that one message from your mom in that very moment asking btw why did you stop Coloring your nails no more commenting on His taken picture of yours on WhatsApp.....

It's like that one beautiful finish line of gold to what you already were living and that lost in - Him...

Main already impressed hu you already have me in your life the why and who do you want to impress by Coloring your nails this pretty!

That one moment holding the door or smthing it was after bup meet when he says that that very moment looking at him and that one feeel charlie....

That love for painting your nails whoosh bolke gone in that very moment that very sec...

Not smthing you have up half heartedly just to prove smthing you just couldn't paint again you just dint want to like you just dint love it anymore....

Smthings nai just like that you just transform just like that.....and you love your hand this way somehow now!

Love, strangest and yet the most beautiful feeling you can ever live it just transforms you gets the best version of you out of you and the more you love the more you grow better best version of you... regardless of the circumstances!!

Him...

 That one beauty of Him.....

To just live a feeling live a moment!!!!!

Back in the car and the way he just looks around and then looks at you and then back looking around that one tear in his eyes....looks away and the way he says this is my most favourite place...that feeling just by the way he looked in that moment it reminded him of somebody some moment and the way looking at you he was again sharing something he loved that much with you....cause that day he insists on going to a place he loved a lot and you had a deadline to be home back then and that one time he says please as always go with it....

That day to see him like that and then look at you the way he did after sharing that place with you was much much more than just love charlie....what and how he felt for you in that moment was much more than just love!

Don't ask him a thing then and let him be only after a while that one chuckle of his and then tells you must be dying to ask me no and one big nod from you is all you could say and he just nods back with that one am making you fall in love with me smileeeeeeee of his!!!!!

Ayyyaaaaaaa even reliving that one smile of his as you write now this one biggest smile it fataaaak se puts on your face I say!!!!!!

Howleeeeeeee kidar chale gayeee tummm miyaaaa!!!!

Soooooo yaaaah again where to where it was only after knowing it was love does he tell you just bout smthing of that place but you kinda knew it by then....

Today being there or everytime you are there that one feeeeeel of him charlie that love of his for you maybe it's this that you miss is when you long to be in his places...when you miss his love for you and his places even if some random place makes you feel live that feeel of his love even be it for that moment means the world means Life itself to you....cause in that moment there you feel loved, loved by Him... Which is also smthing that has become one thing and only thing you long the most in life now!

That feeling to be loved, loved by Him...!

Today when there that rush of his with his music playing to just live that love of yours of watching under the tree and how back then it did become the second loved thing cause when with him Him was all you wanted to live even when driving closer to the trees for you all you could live in that moment was Him that one smileeeeeeee of his cause he was waiting for you to live what you loved that much under the tree ray moment....but to just live him in those moments was when you realised how that one visual of Him became the most beautiful instead of watching the tree....should see his face charlie in moments like these ayyyaaaaaaa that one face he makes that one smile that one beauuuuuuutiful wait painted all over his face it's like if love had a face and not just a word to be said it would be his face in those kmoments like you can just feeeeeel it the sec you see him!!!!!!

Ayyyyaaaaaaaaaa exaaaactly why you stay away from writing this exact feeeeeel as you write his details it's like every blink a lil more him with every single fckimg blink of an eye!

The place!

 Back to full day work from tomo prepping up for it fabrics stuff to get sorted for tomo and the rest.....on your way out and the weather thaaaaaat seksyyyyyy today this beauuuty of just bout monsoon the sky everything around that beauuutifully almost painted like with the Colors of monsoon...like everything already that beautifully already pre soaked with the hues of monsoon.... everything around including the smell ahhhhh the smellll in the air already monsoonish!!!!

And instead of work that need that one strong need to just be in one of those places that totally feels like His... Prashasan Nagar in jubilee just bout close to your studio and there's this slope there that just looks same as the one from his fav places in jubilee still dpmmo which one that was but was on a height overlooking that similar view of the city...the place where he holds your hand for the first time cause back then you used to wear heels again with everything becoming him and him liking flats better you now wear just flat also less risky with your fall rate!!!!

Sooo yahhh this one slope like and ask the driver to stop there and park the car away in the Galli and just be there looking around and this beauty of the almond tree just above you same like his that pic of his sun through the branches of the almond tree and that feeeeeel Charlie cause in that very moment his music that vibe from the day you almost stepping out of his car his hand before you asking you to hold him or you'll fall and the second he says that you almost do cause the place was under construction, the second you hold his hand that one smileeeeeeee on him the way he just looksyour hand in his and just stays that way for a bit like he was livinf that moment his smile in that moment and you ayyyaaaa that one feel a touch you lived with fear that moment of touch turn to feeling safe from fear it was one long transformation.....from childhood to that moment to just feel that feeeeling to just live that beauty of him just looking at your hand in his...

Some moments again that simple that nothing but the beauty of it the thing smallest of moments can make you feel make you live is beyond words!

Holding his hand and makes you stand in that corner and shows you the view of it but by then you were already living the most beautiful view Him...couldn't take your eyes off him the waaay he just looked that happy charlie in that moment it was much more than the view for him like he was sharing a moment that meant much more than just view for him....and this you do realise soon as you step back in the car....

Just feel it!

 There is this thing bout the way you feel charlie one thing to feel one thing and then there is that feeeeeeeling that strong in you like you can't fight it deny it ignore it you just cant do a thing bout it it's just not upto you cause you just cant help the waaaaaaaay you feel!!!!!

No matter how crap the reality feels like no matter what it is this one strong feeeeeeeling that you just feeel breathing rushing running jumping through you - He loves you for sure... And like he back then used to tell you that often I love you more than you do, you still strangely madly feel that same vibe same feeeeeel especially in moments like these the one today......

U just cant help it still again writing it our reading it over now as you write you still feel that mad like you can see yourself feel yourself that mad as you write this bit this is exaaaactly how these moments how you in these very moments right there felt like...just that one thing screaming jumping through you he loves you much more than you do!

Now written out reading it deewani! Poori ki poori!!

How when what it is what is this, no clue but just is the way it is...!

moment!!

 in a video call with your manager discussing bout the interiors explaining stuff out....

Prepping up the store for walk-ins interiors collection studio expansion lift work branding packaging and a zillion other things now that you had the little time on hand to plan and organize things amidst all this still on the call and the sound of his music playing in the background track changes and that sudden pull like you completely zone out with her asking what happened n stuff and you sort of lose track of what you were talking thinking and that need to hang up and just be....

This love for sound, for his music was the very start of it all.....

From that moment of him wanting you to love what he loved the most, His music when he insists you to give it a listen places his headfone over your ears and just stays that way , the sound His sound was the start of it all.....

Maybe is alsy why why you feel this strongly for music..... his music or any music that makes you feel him live him even be it for that moment!!

It was like living him with a background sound of his own.....like it elevated took it to another level only everything that you had started to feel bout him, his music his sound!!

Today in that very moment still discussing the most important things you live that most beautiful moment cause the Him that was rushing through you all this while ever since the dream the movie the reliving him from the very start you already were that beautifully lost in that zone and the sec the track changes that strong need to just be it was that sheet beauty of that moment charlie.....it was like as if though he did put that headfone of his over you and was there with you in that very moment!!

Again moments where writing what and how you felt in that very moment makes yiy sound all crazy to even feel that way....but smthings are just beyond you I guess!!

You just feek the way you do there's no denying that!!

Sound, music .... Stays when everything disappears!!

Maybe that's the way it holds onto the memories too, the essence of that very moment unfolding away as the sound starts to play...

This almost magic like beauty of music it's like you live thar very feeling that you'd felt in that very moment even as the track plays so close though the movie and the way he just bends over in that very moment tying up his shoe lace or smthing and then looks at you and that very moment looking at him that feeeling being held by him without even being held...the way he just looks at you in that moment no smile nothing the way it all stull amazes you....

How he just knew all that while even much before spending those moemnts with you.....

And yet!!!!!

The movie...!

 even remember asking him soon after the movie after that long silence between the two where he didn't utter a single word neither you did.....

Only once you get in the car you ask him so this is why you'd been wanting me to see this film and that one adooooorable signature smile of his I just knew it all this while always knew, just wanted you to see it bas!

Back to driving leaving you with that beauuuutiful vibe of his words and moment....like ir was upto you now to figure it out what and how you felt and if at all you did realize it was love after all!!

It's when you are completely lost with that same feeling of standing in the middle of nowhere with nobody around tall buildings longest of lanes and you just standing their on your own life around rushing away and you still in that moment trying to figure out life and more of you importantly is when you need that fix of smthing like smthing in you needs to find that moment that fills you up with smthing that is beyond words...

The movie last nite was that and more of it!!

It's that feeeling charlie like you sort of relive that feeeling relive that him from that day from those initial moments and in a way reason out what had you lost in the first place like this is why you still feel the way you do this is why and how you still feel this is why you couldn't just get over it!!

It's like living the same love all over again same beautiful feeling all over again and realising you love him more now than you did in that moment...it's like visually living yourself living what you'd felt in that moment in those moemnts today all over again when the current you feels that messed up.....and making it better for you filling up that void for you, still sounds as crazy as it fekt last nite also why smthings feel more sorted in your head when you feel it the way you feel it the thungs it made you feel than writing the exact feeling down n out!! Cause reading it over as you write sounds that bad crazy but woich smthings are not just upto you after all things you got no contril over regardless of the present time n back then difference it's just bout how and why it still makes you feel the way it did...

And you just flow with it cause you find that peace find that you in that moment, lost n found kinda thing....like suddenly from that pause in the middle of nowhere somebody just hit a play button and the sound starts the moment plays it all unfolds as you flow...!

Things that add logic and yet make no sense like the reality itself, moments there are those moemnts that have no absolute logic whatsoever and yet nakes the most sense!!

That one moment!

There is that one moment charlie just that one moment where you completely out of nowhere just zone out like being almost pulled out from the present moment and taken back to that one moment you longed for like you had to be there instead of the moment you were living already....

Early morning work hours cause of the timeline and planning too many things that sudden need to watch wake up Sid last nite maybe was the state of mind currently or the dream that morning whateve it was like some movies some moments sort of answer away resolve away fix smthing that had to be fixed one of those things...

It's tjat thing charlie bout memories or reliving a certain moment feeling or what or how you felt in that moment....this one movie is exactly what and how you felt in that moment of starting to live him living the side of him that had become more than just your friend...

 

Visuals of life!

 Some visuals and moments you can never get used to!

The clouds n sky off late...

THE season...!

Almost monsoon!

 Clouds, the human bird n almost monsoon!

This one season...