Him - Priority...!

 bhot baaar sochi charlie how why what how when did this happen but like its always been this way right from the very start from that very first time that you saw him.....

like that moment on from that very moment he did become that someone in your life that always came first like bas there that one priority of your life, only priority of your life....

kab kaise why pata nai how... bas hai !!!!!!

whoo kuch bhii karle but that one thing in you just doesnt change no matter what.....

there is this and there is this world that you are sleeping with.... where smtimes you wake up and wonder what if he still does love you and is why you feel all this dream moments like these and then there is that fact when he actually asks you to move on cause he has.... 

and knowing him with this distance now he actually did let you go.... wanted you to leave....

cause the way he said it this time sounded like and with this disatnce what if you actually did.... knowing him he wouldnt even stop you.... and just let you go.... 

then there is this dream from tdoay completely oppposite cause that dream him wasnt the real him... he wouldnt do that he would infact let you go like he did withtht message of his.... 

there is all this and then there are moments flashes through your day that are filled with HIm....

on your way to work that hour almost with his music playing and that feel of him aaj kal ki even the random someone at  the busstop turns into him with hands folded and just looking at you with that smileeeeeeeee the face still that blur but that feeeeeeeel in you like you are actually looking at him standing there at the bustop.....

to this one moment a few days back....

when you finally meet your friend after all this lockdown and ask your driver to head back home and let her drive instead cause you been wanting to live that moment in rain.....

this one lane charlie right close to your apartment turn and it looks almost like the empty street around the stadium place of his....

and when missing him th most in that waaaaaaay theere used to be this wish that you used to wish shuru shuru mein when you first moved and found this street of living moments with Him here..... like you know living moments with him there.....

with year after year that one wish sort of started to fade away wit time.....

few days back as it was raining that bad and with one breezer down you ask your friend to stop there and play his music on your fone leave it in the car and get out his way leave the door open as  the music plays again smthing he used to back then at the gym sitting with him on the stairs under the gym building with his fink playing in the car and both of us having coffee you living him the most as you can.....

that same way head out and just stand there as it was raining and cry your heart out....

places charlie and this again the art of loving places you did learn with loving living him back then.....

to find that vibe of places like you know you sort of connect with some place like that one corner that feels special like nothing else just that vibe of some place and that street was that for you with those andar andaar wish karna of some day with him there and with years now and this distance that one wish sort of got lost and that nite a sit was really late you live that feeeling of letting go of that wish.....

knowing !!!!!!!!!!!

there are things that change you dont know where youll go from here where life takes you but this one thing nai charlie will never change, Him - Priority !!!!!!!

like the only one that you felt loved lived this way who did become like nothing else no one else mattered to you ever or will ever !!!!!!

its like he owns you in a way he wouldnt know either !!!!!!!

kabhii it hurts charlie like why lived that much why loved that much when it had to change like this !!!!

like you know better off not knowing how it feels than knowing it and then not finding it again !!!!!!

that one rain lived with him was all you could think of living that moment of rain that nite.....